Part 2

Maybe it was the way he watched me.

As often as it happened, it seemed almost involuntary. But every time I caught him, he'd wink and continue on until I succumbed to my own butterflies. You'd think that by now he would have grown tired of my face.

Alec gave a gentle, but firm kick to my shoe. Just hard enough to bring my full attention back on him.

"Ouch!" His eyes flashed with a fearful regret before the corner of my lips turned up in a mischievous grin.

"Very funny." He grunted, but I could see the hint of a smile sneak onto his face. He caught my eye, wiping it off his face when he realized I'd seen it. He pointed at the bowl of soup in front of me to distract. "Eat," he reminded me again.

"You're bossy."

He sighed, "please, tesorina."

I rolled my eyes, but the Italian whisper made my skin jump. "Why?"

"Because I would like to continue our conversation. And you, tesoro, get 'hangry'."

My jaw dropped and Alec's eyes widened. There was a pause before a bubble of giggles rose from my chest. Alec broke eye contact with me to drop his head in his hand.

"Say it again!" I requested eagerly through increasing laughter and he mumbled something incoherent, sending me into another little fit. Alec frowned at me, but glanced to the rest of the lounge before putting his head in his hand. I'd never seen him so out of his element and it was an endearing response to be a part of. His nose crinkled and he continued to furrow his eyebrows in an attempt to save face. He was nothing if not refined every second of every minute I'd known him. And this, was excellent.

My laughter had attracted the attention of the only other group in the lounge. He avoided my eyes as he rubbed the back of his head. "Saffiya," he begged.

I gasped out of my fit, uninhibited through the last of my giggles, "that was so cute!" My hands flew to cover my mouth, my own words sobering me up. Alec raised his eyebrow, eager to turn the tables back on me.

Refusing to wait for whatever witty, well-timed, comment he would use this time, I picked up my spoon. I was determined to ignore the arrogant, self-satisfied smirk on Alec's stupid face.

In between sips and avoiding Alec's eyes, I gave a polite smile to an older couple as they passed by us. The click of the door was confirmation that we were now the last patrons in the empty lounge car. I kept my eyes on the door, taking my time to breathe in the moment.

It was the how, of how this conversation would effect us that concerned me. I had failed to examine my own feelings prior, yet again, to figure out what I wanted. I knew what Alec wanted, and pushing his insistence aside had been my attempt to minimise the bias I had regarding him, within my own process.

Yet, it was impossible to ignore any part of him. My judgement was clouded and I was of the belief that this was a personal fault. The consequences of my previous decisions based on impulse and emotion were rooted in my memory. To avoid future unfortunate events, I had learned to make my decisions independent of rampant emotion whenever possible. Alec made me question my methods. To him, forever was truly eternal. When he spoke of mates, the prospect of 'falling out' wasn't a hundred-to-one, 99.9% chance kind of situation. It was invincible, indomitable, and unyielding in the purest form of its definition. The very idea was a concept I would never have entertained if not for my discovery of vampires. For Alec, I was now forced to consider that a biased decision was the only reasonable one to make.

I let the spoon clatter in my, now empty, bowl, regaining Alec's attention from the doorway. I returned it to the coffee table to prove I'd finished my meal. The bartender attended to us immediately, telling us that they were closing for the night but we were welcome to stay if we wanted. I wasn't sure if that were true, but he seemed too nervous of Alec to tell us to leave. I thanked him with the lightest voice I could to make up for my partner's intimidation tactics.

When I turned back around, he was tapping his fingers on the arm of his chair, watching me. "Hi."

A gentle smile appeared on his face in response, and in a low voice, he offered the same. "Hi."

We observed each other, innocently, patiently, but with a touch of apprehension. It was Alec's voice that brought me back.

"Why did you throw the candlestick at me?" "What?" He gave no clarification, so I shrugged. "You were being mean."

He repeated me. "Mean. Was I?"

"Yes—," Alec's eyes observed me with purpose. His doubt was enough of an incentive to make me reflect on the curiosity. My mind flashed through memories that flipped across the inside of my eyes like a film strip. A familiar surge of energy raced through me as each passed by. The same energy that was often paired with the emotions that sent me surging into situations, mentally stagnant. I recalled the throwing of the actual candlestick and I'd never returned my eyes to him so quickly.

His expression stayed the same, but he seemed satisfied with my reaction. "What did you feel?"

"Bad?"

Alec shook his head. "No, not now. Think specifically to the exact moment you decided to do it."

I looked down at my hands, touching my thumb to the tips of my fingers one by one. I only spent seconds reminiscing and already, I felt my exhausted body slipping closer to its' deprived sleep. For some reason, revisiting the same memory with the intent to examine my emotions was frightening. To the point where I felt a touch of nausea. Especially where he was concerned. I could feel Alec's eyes on me and I bit down on my bottom lip a little too hard. I owed him this. I could be brave for him.

"I didn't."

"Didn't what?" "I didn't decide. It just—" I breathed dry air into my throat and brought my hand up to tug at my hair. I had been conscious as hell-o at the time, that was for sure. I said a lot of things on purpose, quite a few I'd been too ashamed to revisit since. I did make other decisions, to touch him, to challenge him, to try and make him feel as badly as I did. Of which now, I knew I had succeeded in, for better or worse. Definitely worse. But, by the time I'd thrown the candlestick at him, I was in too deep. Similarly, I hardly remembered the act of rolling my hand back to take a swing at his face. He'd even cautioned me. I used to believe that I had an awareness when it came to risky actions like punching a marble wall. This, however, was impulse to the extreme, unbalanced and dominant.

I tugged my lip between my teeth again, before releasing it. "I was so…"

"Yeah." My head snapped up to him. Alec offered me a sad smile, his eyes leaving my lips. "I know."

"What do you mean?"

He shook his head, phrasing his next question the same as before. "And when I kissed you?" How did I feel? I barely had to think before I averted my eyes, the butterflies in my stomach unable to bear the connection. Hearing him say the words without disguising their fullness brought the memory back full fold. And with it, the desires I'd been suppressing from the minute his lips last left mine. I was subject to a craving that ran through my bones and prodded at my conscious like a curious child. My fingers rose to touch my lips, as if to catch the ghost of the memory.

He didn't push for an answer, considering I'd only just confirmed it with a schoolgirl's inexperience.

"Alec, what's the point of this? What's it matter how I felt?" I had tried not to question him so far, but revisiting these emotions was beginning to mess with my head. The butterflies in my stomach couldn't decide whether to settle or rage on, while my veins prepared a waterslide for a fire of adrenaline.

"Your emotions, tesoro, are essential to understanding our story thus far."

My back straightened and even though the unsettled feelings still lingered, I was compelled to return to him. The brown contacts were only just beginning to fade, but the rawness behind his eyes was what I found comfort in. And as soon as I did, the stress and the battering of indistinguishable sensations vanished. How could he inspire such rabid emotions in me one second, and in the next, serve as the epitome of what I needed to embrace the world as it existed. It was a tranquility that existed in another that I couldn't manage on my own.

"I — We, needed help." Alec picked up where he left off, pushing his hair from his face and letting it fall to the side. "Carlisle's son, Edward, is the only vampire that could offer the kind of advice that not even the Masters had access to."

"Wait — Edward Cullen?" Alec nodded, and the name leaving my lips was not something he was prepared for. "His mate was his…" I paused, certain that I was going to butcher the phrase if I tried. Another part of me fearing I'd erupt with yet another round of butterflies if I said the phrase in general. I'd already said the M word, which had not gone unnoticed by Alec. I tried to let the word flow smoothly from my mouth, as if I'd said it at least a hundred times. He knew I hadn't, as he made no vocal acknowledgement or celebration of my casual use. So casual, it was almost as if I'd fully accepted it. As if it was the only word I could fathom needing, wanting to know every day of the week.

Alec concentrated on the Italian phrase instead. His voice was low, guiding, "la tua cantante." His eyes watched me with the heightened nerves of a spooked deer. "You are familiar with their story as well?"

I nodded, entranced for half a second by the words on his lips. "Courtesy of Felix and Demetri," I admitted. At least bits and pieces from the casual references the men made to their story every few days. Now that I thought about it, the couple was often brought up during discussions associated with Alec. It was astounding that I hadn't clued in to any of this information sooner, what with the poorly executed stealth of the two men.

I expected a reaction from Alec, seeing as Felix and Demetri were wracking up crimes in his eyes. However, he was much more focused on the new topic than I expected. Either eager to share or ready to lose the burden of holding the knowledge to himself. "Then you may recall a time when she was human, that Edward decided the danger our world posed to her life was too great."

"Right. Then, he ditched her and they went all Romeo and Juliet — and Felix kicked his ass." There was a hint of amusement in his eyes before he again circled back to the topic at hand. "What is relevant are the events that took place when they were parted."

I interrupted, forgetting to use the empathetic tone necessary for the topic. "Didn't she try t…to kill herself?"

Alec sighed, "as I understand it, Edward's mate succumbed to an emotional isolation that eventually manifested into risk-taking behaviour." I held up my hand, requesting he pause so I could break down the words he was using. They were easier for me to process in pieces. I nodded, and he continued. "Edward reacted similarly, albeit less reckless. That is, until he believed she had died."

I knew this part of the story only briefly. But, as Alec continued to use Edward's first name it threw me off. It was an unfamiliar approach to the Cullens as characters in a retelling, because none of the others had used it past identifying the players in their versions of the stories. Multiple stories, in which the retelling revealed the true animosity that lied under the mocking nature of these conversations. Alec's detail filled in many of the missing pieces that had been brushed over or unknown by my original storytellers. I had to admit, the amount of detail provided quite a twist on the inflection I'd previously related to the story.

"After learning of...our situation, Edward drew parallels to his relationship with his own mate."

I shifted so I was sitting up again. "What's her name?"

He hesitated. "Bella." I only nodded, letting him continue. He'd never given me so much information at once. I no longer had to carefully craft responses or a lack thereof to learn more about our topic. Now that we had reached this point, he didn't seem likely to withhold as many details as he usually did. I could ask questions without fearing he'd pull back. It was…nice.

"He noted patterns of irrational and emotional behaviour between, and in, both him and Bella. Most prominent during the time they spent apart." He paused, as if unsure that I was still following. I sat back up to support that I was. "Previously, they had attributed these events to the human experience. However, Edward now believes these patterns may be based in supernatural origins."

"I don't understand." I'll admit a level of frustration on my part, but Alec was patient with me, as if he not only expected my confusion, but had prepared for it as well. Right down to the questions I'd follow with. "Supernatural origins?"

The vampire ran another hand through his hair, choosing his wording carefully. "The ties between a vampire and their mate are paramount to our kind. Their experience was greatly exaggerated through the transformation process in the same way that our senses are heightened." I could wrap my head around this. Perhaps it was why humans spent their lives looking for their mates and vampires waited for them to appear. Vampires knew their soulmate existed. Humans longed to prove the possibility of a one and only. No one wanted to believe they could ever be alone.

"Edward theorised that when these emotions are applied to a human, they overcompensate." My head was spinning, but I trusted him to follow through. "Your mind has been struggling to process emotions that were not meant for humans."

"So, trying to maim you with the candlestick?"

Alec gave a grateful chuckle as confirmation, before returning to his explanation with less gravity in his approach. "The breaking point — the highest levels of emotion that you can process before," his brows furrowed before he continued. "It appears to be entirely out of your control."

So, this was why he had stopped me from apologising. Out of my control implied that I couldn't be help accountable for my actions. My dramatic, rampageous reactions weren't my fault. The 200 year old vase that Caius was still sour about? Nope, innocent. And yet, even if this was an acceptable excuse, I felt uncomfortable considering it as anything more than an explanation. It could be held to a higher standard that way, requiring me to acknowledge my behaviour. Whether I was aware of it or not. So, I would be apologising…which had been the first thing Alec did upon his return. I froze, flashing back to him in shock. Had he come to the same conclusion upon his discovery?

Alec was waiting for me, appearing ever so patient if not for the spark in his eyes when I finally did return my attention.

"And these exaggerated emotions…they effected you too?"

"They exacerbated the bloodlust." Right. La tua cantante. How could I forget. "The predator instincts. Of which Prosper was nearly a victim of."

"That was because of this?"

Alec scrunched up his face, before releasing the tension. "Not all of it." I was still stuck on the answer and he seemed to notice. He sighed, but opened up. "I suspect that without it, I may have had the potential to reconsider." Alec fixed his eyes on me through his eyelashes, admitting what we both already knew. "My decision remains the same, even now."

He'd taken a chance, waiting to see if I weighed his honesty over my friend's life. And as much as I wished I could value them equally, my mate came first. I said nothing.

"For most vampires, the bond between mates is only surpassed by our thirst for blood. Somehow, the bond between a vampire and their human mate, their blood singer, is stronger still."

"And you guys think that this…emotional overload is responsible for that?"

He shrugged, leaning back in the chair. "Or a symptom of something else. Without others, we may never know for sure."

"Surely we're not the only cases of a vampire and a human to ever—"

"But we are the only cases, that either of our covens have encountered, that found their mates in their blood singer and did not immediately turn them. The Cullens were the first."

I leaned forward, resting my chin in my hand in thought. "And now, us."

It was the first time I had acknowledged an us in such consequential terms. That there was something, at the very least, that existed between us. It accepted the title, the definition that came with the relationship associated with the word…mate. Us. Him and I. I had hardly picked up the shift in attitude, but Alec did.

"And now, us."

An answer had never before provided me with such clarity. The adrenaline of never-ending emotional turmoil and pressure was essential. The blinding malevolence and uncensored desire, nerves that swam in sharp infested waters and kept me on edge, robbed my sleep, and never stopped. I was no longer weighted down by emotions I hardly recognised. I could let myself breathe.

"Will it ever lessen?"

Alec frowned, and reached a hand out to brush a piece of hair off of my face. His voice emerged with a rough, uncoloured sound. Like he could cry, unable to muster a false confidence. "If you survive the transformation…The venom should rectify the affective imbalance."

I stiffened, for reasons Alec was yet to know. Because I hadn't told him. If Jane's gift didn't work on me, then Carlisle's warning became less manageable and more inevitable. My chances of surviving had decreased substantially. I had to tell him. He'd find out eventually. It was honestly surprising Jane hadn't already shared the news. But if she hadn't…it was possible she was giving me a chance to break the news first. I looked to Alec. How could I do something like that to him?

"Alec?" He lifted his head as indication that he was listening.

"Do you reckon we'll always fight…the way we do now?"

His eyes fell to my lips as I held my bottom captive between my teeth. I was gifted with a soft, genuine smile. "I think that's up to us."

My dearest Reader, I do concede that perhaps we should've known better than to think we could be fixed with a single conversation. He'd practiced for months now, how to keep his cool and deal with my explosions. He wasn't necessarily succeeding all the time, but he did better than me. And now that I knew, I was sure I could learn more control as well. With time. But my blood still called to him through my heart, beat as it must. And no amount of emotion could defend the blood in my veins from the venom that craved it.

A sharp, modulated beep demanded our attention. The sound broke the air twice before Alec reached into his pocket. He pulled an uncovered, expensive looking phone from the pocket and checked the notification. As fast as he was, his speed was subject to the pace of the objects around him. Which is why, in the time that it took for the phone to unlock, I happened to notice something missing.

"You should have a passcode. Someone could steal that."

The spark of his grin reached his eyes and he let out a charmed laugh as if I'd made a joke. I had no idea why, because I was completely serious. Still, I cherished the reveal of his smile. A smile that grounded me to a world I was unfamiliar with. A smile that belonged to the light, and only the light. Of which nothing could break through. Or so I believed.

Alec's eyes returned to his phone's screen, but in an instant they had switched focus to the door.

"I must check on Prosper." I frowned. His demeanour showed no outward alarm at the text he'd received. He stood, all brightness lost as he addressed me with a stern tone. "Do not leave this room. Lock the door behind me."

Alec had spent every second since we'd left the castle with me in his line of sight (or under Prosper's brief care). He was consistently scanning every inch of the 360º view that swept around us. I was unclear on what Prosper needed help with that so easily replaced the hyper-cautious vigilance Alec had already established.

"Because a locked door is vampire proof," I mumbled sarcastically.

Alec's entire posture shifted, completely missing my humour. "Prosper and I have both secured the train. You are safe."

"Then, why does he need you?"

He frowned, managing my incompetence with a blunt answer. "I imagine he's made a mess." I'd nearly forgotten Prosper and his current thirst situation. I'd assumed that giving Prosper the opportunity to complete that need had been Alec's original intent in dismissing the guard member for our conversation.

"Take this." Alec placed the phone on the table and slid it over to me as he stood. "And wait here for me."

I groaned audibly. "Why can't I just go back to our cabin?" He sighed patiently, looking down at me.

"Because I said so."

My promise to Jane flashed across my memory. As well as how I'd done a poor job of adhering to it so far. I rolled my bottom lip between my teeth in annoyance. "Fine."

Alec blinked. "Really?"

"I won't be happy about it, but yes. I'll wait here."

He did a double take, prepared for a debate over his decision. His head tilted to the side as he eyed me suspiciously before concluding. "That is all I ask."

Alec paused again at the door, still somewhat shocked that I gave in so easily. Usually when he left me, Alec would initiate a small touch to my skin. Whether it was a hand on my cheek or knee, or a single brush of his fingers across my arm. This time, he sighed and slipped out of the compartment without doing either of these things. I chalked it up to our 'time and space' agreement, but I missed the contact nonetheless.

I groaned, an inward embarrassment of my admission to myself. I really had some things to figure out. Though, it almost felt as if I already had.

I'd been flooded with a great deal of information. Information that changed how I perceived almost everything over the course of the last several months. But, for the life of me, my brain couldn't analyse it. It was processing, it was all there, but it was just that — there. No doubt some vampire style, Freudian conceptualisation perspective was a good first step to looking into our full story. A story that I now knew both sides of, aside from a few details. Having the backstory was only the foundation, the history. It was the break of the ice for my initiation into a new world. I could feel unwritten questions bubbling inside of me, but I suppressed them. I was tired of thinking. Not only that, but I was exhausted.

I'd been running on nothing but emotion for almost two days, and this was the first time it hit me. There was so much going on, that even Prosper's gentle reminders weren't enough for me to just take a break. I enjoyed sleeping, but it had recently become as tedious as having a meal. Despite this, I needed a nap at the very least.

I could return to our suite. It would put Alec in a poor mood, but he was the one who said it was safe. He'd be surprised, probably angry, maybe a little worried when he returned to an empty lounge. I'd almost convinced myself to do it, because he was a vampire that was a little too cued in to my blood. He'd find me eventually. Plus, sleeping in the lounge car of a luxury train was generally frowned upon. At least, I assumed it was.

Except, the implied commitment of possibly going somewhere to sleep, alerted me to the growing heaviness of my eyelids. My eyelashes slowly struggled against them to little avail. Honestly, sleep didn't sound particularly appealing to me at the moment, considering everything going on. I continued to fight it, but shifted my body almost on command. I leaned back on the arm of the loveseat and folded my body up, placing my head against the back of it. I took in a deep breath, hoping this new position would ease the sandman's pressure to surrender.

I pushed for a brief hold of lucidness against the charge of drowsiness and reached for Alec's phone. I slid it from the table and turned in to face the back of the booth seat, guiltily putting my shoes on the furniture. I clutched the phone tightly in my hand, as my eyelids won their battle and I couldn't help but sink in to the feeling.

A high-pitched rumble kickstarted my heart like a defibrillator. I sucked in a sharp breath of air, fumbling for Alec's phone. It had fallen into the couch cushion and I blinked, trying to read the screen.

There was no contact saved for the caller, only a ten digit number beginning with a 1. An American number? I hesitated answering the call, after all, it wasn't exactly my phone. Though, it might've been Alec, calling to tell me he was overreacting and I could just return to our cabin without him. I laid my head back against the seat, my hair falling into my face as I raised the phone to my ear.

A woman's voice broke through the phone before I could even confirm the call's success.

"Saffiya — hide."

"Who is this?" I straightened my back, sitting up as the urgency in the voice increased.

"He's on the train."

She was too late.

Alec's abandoned chair had been claimed.

A familiar stranger was waiting for me to notice him. A dark grin spread across thick lips as he watched a cold incredulity manifest on my face. He was exactly the same as the last time I'd seen him.

Only now, murky orbs had been replaced with a rich crimson.

I shot up, standing from the couch as if to run but he was inches from me before I could.

He held out a flawless, smooth hand, showing me as he tightened his middle and pointer fingers together. The hand moved delicately between us, tapping once on my forehead.

His very presence instructed my body to remain still, but I had to refresh the command when a wave of defiance hit. He saw this, and his grin grew at his own genius as he lowered his hand almost lovingly to the center of my chest.

He crossed under my collarbone to mark each of my shoulders as he mockingly concluded his blessing of the cross.

My name was being chanted on the other end of the phone as I glared up at the man in front of me. His fingertips started to trace back along my collarbone, adventuring down far enough for me to take a swipe at him. He caught my wrist and smiled snidely, flashing the sharpened edges of his teeth.

"Such a tease."

~•~•~•~

UPDATE 13 August 2021 - Still here, still writing! Missed you all and wanted to keep the update. Also, I'm tweaking a few elements of the plot down the road. I was wondering if anyone had any canon specific characters they wanted to see? Comment below, on the next chapter, or send me a PM :)

Always, Ro

A/N: I was trying to give it three days, but said screw it and just posted anyways :)

I know what just happened is like, a big deal, but there's something equally as important I want to introduce y'all to: The Luxury Train Club. Whoever said "Money doesn't buy happiness" obviously never googled luxury trains before. S'all I'm sayin.

Anyways, shit. Who the hell-o is this asshole? ;) ^^ Y'all ready for this?

I cut the last chapter and this one into two parts after I wrote the sentence: "it creates a neurological imbalance in their affect" (which I cut and rewrote). I've been reading a lot of psych studies, so the language definitely slipped in (i.e. emotional isolation that eventually manifested into risk-taking behaviour - like, was I for real?) and I apologise if it confused anyone. Comment or hit we up w/clarification questions :) This will be discussed again soon, so don't worry too much. It's a theory that's kinda like an earworm - as in, the message of it hits you later.

Ariel & Guest1: I had this scene with her eating written and was going to cut it before I saw your comments on the other chapter. So, it's slipped in there still for you two!

seleneariel: Aye aye ;)

LoveFiction2021: Hopefully!

MandosGirl: Yes, just about!

Guest: I had to google translate (Portuguese, yes?), but I think I got most of what you said! 1) Hot, you say? Hmm...just you wait ;) 2) You're absolutely right. The scene with Jane using her power on Felix is the biggest clue to the reaction in Saffiya. 3) Your last sentence translated as 'fire in the playground', so I'm not positive what you meant with that but it sure sounds wild. :)

As always, thank you so much for the favourites, reviews, and a big shout out to the silent readers. I know y'all are there, and I genuinely appreciate you.

Libationally,

Ro