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Bella felt crampy throughout that same day. The bleeding seemed to lessen as the day went on, but that was because she was barely pregnant. Her body went through the brunt of the trauma early in the morning, so now she was walking around. It was the only thing she knew how to do. She couldn't sit still. Resting was foreign to her sometimes. She wasn't in too much pain now, but part of that was pain medicine that Jasper made her take so she wouldn't be in as much pain. It was two days since that incident, so she was mostly recovered now with some spotting still and some pain from the rock jabbing her, but otherwise, she was okay. Rick was taking the loss hard, but she assumed it was because he felt responsible. She stayed busy at the clinic mostly, just organizing things. She fell asleep in Aya's room in the chair when she did manage to sleep because she couldn't bring herself to lay next to Rick. She was upset with how he was acting, and she knew that part of it was her fault because of what happened in DC with Negan, but at the same time, his behavior was sporadic lately. Even before Negan came back to Alexandria with her and the others. He was acting irrational more lately, and it was bothering her.
It was getting dark out and the herd hadn't passed on it's way yet, so Negan and Michonne were still there in Alexandria. In the very least, the savior compound knew that Negan was heading this way to Alexandria, so at least they knew that Negan was safe, or somewhere he could wait out the herd.
Bella walked inside the house, taking her belt off that held all her gear and hung it on the hook before he walked up the stairs towards the bedroom. She wanted to shower and get some sleep. She found Rick sitting on the bed in the bedroom and he looked sloshed, like he had been drinking for a long time. "I'm taking a shower." She announced as she moved through the room to gather her clothes.
"It's your fault." Rick slurred.
Bella frowned and looked at him. "What's my fault?"
"Losing the baby." Rick said and then he lifted a bottle to his lips. It was a whisky bottle, and it was almost empty.
Bella didn't know how to even respond to that so she ignored it. "Put the whiskey away Rick and lay down."
"You betrayed me…" Rick said and took another swig. "You brought that filth back here and then you lost the baby." Rick said, his words all slurred but she could understand what he was saying still.
"I lost the baby because you couldn't behave. We're adults and you're acting like a child."
Rick stood, but wobbled. "Fuck you." He spat. "I wouldn't even be like this if it wasn't for you fucking Negan in DC."
"You know what happened." Bella said, not at all shocked by his words.
"No I don't. I know what you told me that happened." Rick said. "You knew…you knew it would break my heart and you did it anyways."
"I didn't even know Negan was still alive. Don't put this all on me Rick."
Rick laughed then. "No. You knew losing the baby would break my heart. You should have stayed out of my way. You had to protect him." He slurred and then tipped the bottle up again and stumbled a little.
"Rick, that's enough. You need to lay down and sleep this off."
"Don't fucking tell me what to do. I'm in charge. Me. You're nothing. You're my god damn wife." Rick raised his voice a little more.
Bella narrowed her eyes at him. "I'm not going to talk to you when you're like this." She said and moved to leave the room but he grabbed her wrist tightly. "Rick, I don't want to hurt you, let me go." She warned.
Rick breathed in her face, the stench of whisky filling her noses. "You fucking fuck…you fucked him. And want to fuck him more." He slurred.
"Rick. Let my arm go." She warned again.
"Or what?"
Bella pulled out of his grasp with ease. "You don't want to find out." She said and left the room. She went downstairs and out the door to get some air. She felt tears prick, but she didn't let them well up and fall. She sucked in a few deep breaths to calm herself down.
"You alright?" Negan asked as he walked out on the porch next door. He was still staying over at Jasper and Jessie's.
Bella laughed a little. "No." She shook her head. "I'll be okay eventually." She said, mostly to reassure herself.
Negan just nodded, not wanting to pry too much. "The herd seems like it's thinning out. Michonne and me…we're going to leave out probably around noon tomorrow. Make sure we can get the cow in from hilltop." He explained.
Bella was grateful that Negan was helping. "Thanks."
"Don't mention it." Negan said and then paused. "If you need anything else…"
"I know where to find you." Bella said with a smile. "Um. I'm going to go take a shower. I'll see you tomorrow." She said and walked back inside. She ventured back up the stairs and found Rick passed out on the bed now. She sighed and then went and took his boots off his feet and pushed his legs up in the bed. She picked up the now empty whisky bottle and set it on the nightstand. She grabbed her clothes and she went to the bathroom and started her shower. She got undressed and looked at herself in the mirror. The stitches were fine and she was healing from that little gouge, but she was still broken inside. She turned on the hot water and waited a moment before she walked inside and let the heat kiss her muscles and release tension that had been building. She cried now, letting her tears fall to the shower floor and run down the drain. She was silent as she cried, which somehow made her chest feel heavier. Heavy with the loss of another child, but also what she was beginning to feel like she was losing the man Rick used to be. She wept until she couldn't anymore and the water was starting to give way to the cold. She dressed quickly and braided her hair to the side, before she went to Aya's room and looked in on her sleeping frame before she sat in the chair and propped her feet up on the ottoman. She pulled the throw blanket over her and she closed her eyes and willed herself to sleep.
Bella woke up when she heard Aya cry a little and she immediately went to her and picked her up. She cradled her in her arms and she looked down at her daughter who now cooed up at her happily. Her round blue eyes were so bright and full. She smiled and changed her before going downstairs to set her in the highchair. Carol was cooking something this morning for breakfast. Carol sometimes cooked next door with Jessie but Carol was wide awake and ready this morning.
"Hey Carol." Bella greeted as she walked in.
Carol smiled, her eyes crinkling at the corners. "Morning Bella. Toast is ready and eggs. I'm starting some potatoes right now." She said and Bella moved to make a plate of food. Aya was eating more and more table foods and less and less formula and it was always surprising to see how big Aya was getting.
"Thank you." Bella said kindly and she went straight to feeding a very happy Aya and herself.
When she was done, Annalise came in with Beth and Maggie carrying the triplets to get them ready for breakfast.
"I'm making rounds this morning but Mags, when you get a chance, can you swap out with Sasha for this afternoon's watch? Her and Spence are going with me to scout that area outside the wall. Daryl is probably hunting this morning early with Jake so I figured Sasha could use some leg stretching."
Maggie nodded. "Absolutely." She said with a smile.
Bella smiled at Maggie and then grabbed Aya and went to the front door. She sat her on the floor and Aya watched her mom put on her shoes and gear before Bella picked her up and opened the closet right there by the front door and got Aya's coat and wrapped it around her to shield her from the cold outside.
The harsh cold sometimes took your breath away at first, but today was slightly warmer than the day before. She walked over to Jasper and Jessie's and walked towards the kitchen where she found Carl sitting at the dining table with Sam, Ron, and Sophia eating breakfast. Negan was in the kitchen leaning against the counter drinking coffee smiling at Jasper while Jessie was still cooking breakfast.
Negan looked at Bella when she walked in. His eyes went to Aya immediately. She was a beautiful little girl. She looked almost a year old from the looks of it but he smiled at the little girl. "Good morning." He greeted both Bella and Aya.
Aya smiled at Negan happily and then she tried to dive out of Bella's arms at Negan and Negan moved fast to set his coffee down and grabbed Aya.
Bella was surprised that Aya wanted to go to Negan. He was a stranger. She hasn't yet warned up to Sasha or Tyrese yet but it made her smile.
"Look at you." Negan smiled at Aya. "You look just like your mommy." He cooed a little and bounced her a little and she giggled.
Jasper smiled and looked at Bella who seemed to be misty eyed. "Daryl left out earlier to hunt with Jake. He said he was going to check the herd activity while he's out to see if it's going to be clear enough so Negan and Michonne can make it back to DC." He relayed.
Bella nodded, welcoming the distraction. "Okay. Good. I'm going to go scout the creek with Sasha and Spence today. We want to expand that way to accommodate some pasture if we want to raise livestock here."
Aya patted Negan's face happily and so enthralled with him and Negan was just smiling wide at her. "I can tag along and take a look if you want."
Bella nodded. "Yeah. Wouldn't mind the extra pair of eyes." She said with a nod.
Jessie found Negan charming. She liked him and thought that he was a nice man and it was clear that he cared a lot about Bella. She handed Bella a cup of coffee. "Did you eat already? She asked Bella.
Bella took the coffee and smiled. "Thank you. Yes, Carol cooked next door. Not everyone was awake yet but they'll be up before long." She said and took a drink of the hot liquid. "Ana will bring the triplets over after breakfast with Maggie and Beth. Is it okay to leave Aya here?"
"You ask me that every day. "Jessie said with a little laugh. "It's more than okay. I love playing with Aya." She said and then plated food for Negan and Jasper before reaching for Aya but Aya just laid her head on Negan's shoulder instead of going to Jessie.
Negan chuckled. "It's alright. I'm pretty good at eating with one hand." He said and he stood with Aya and ate his food. Aya perked up when she saw his toast and Negan gave her some toast and she chewed happily. Aya did have four teeth and she wasn't quite one yet.
Bella drank more of her coffee and watched Negan handle Aya expertly. Her heart beat a little faster. Her love for Negan creeped back to the surface, but she shook it away. "Alright well I will make rounds. Thank you for coffee. I'll see you at the front gate." She said to Negan before she set her cup in the sink and then went to Aya and kissed her cheek. Aya patted Bella's face. "Love you." She said to Aya but she meant it to Negan too but he just smiled and watched Bella walk away.
Carl smiled at Negan holding his sister. He had the thought that Negan would be a really awesome dad but he didn't say it out loud. "Aya really likes you. She doesn't like strangers usually." He commented.
Negan looked at Aya and watched her smile at him. It melted his heart to see her smile at him. "Well, I like her too. She's going to be fierce and strong like her mommy. Yes she is." He said and poked her belly a little and got her to giggle. The baby giggles were always so cute and it made him fall in love with this little girl and he knew that he would die for her if he needed to.
Bella checked out the clinic first. It was empty at this point in the morning, but she found peace at the clinic. It was one of the few times that she felt more at home. She liked to fix people and help others so this was her favorite place to be. She didn't hear the door open so she was startled when she saw Negan.
"I didn't mean to scare you." Negan said with a smile.
Bella smiled at him. "Not scared, just didn't expect you to be standing there." she said and walked into the storage room and Negan followed her. He leaned in the doorway as he looked at her.
"Your daughter steals hearts." He said, his tone light.
"She is my heart." Bella said and smiled at Negan.
Negan smiled back at her, his eyes showing his love. "I love you." He said it out loud and it surprised him that he said it out loud.
Bella blinked a couple times. "Negan…"
"I would say I'm sorry, but I'm not. I love you, Bella. You are my heart…I never fell out of love with you. I don't want to." He shook his head and took a couple steps inside the storage room. "Holding Aya this morning…it made me incredibly happy. She is…a miracle in this dark world and I really really missed that sort of happiness that she gives."
Bella agreed that Aya was a shining light in the darkness. "She has that effect on people."
"You are a great mother. I always knew you would be." Negan said and then he reached for her, taking her hands in his. "I miss you." He murmured.
Bella looked at up Negan. She felt her heart leap up and she felt all the feelings rush over her. "Negan…I can't. I have Aya and Carl to think about. My promise to Rick. I love him Negan."
"It kills me." Negan breathed.
"I'm sorry." Bella said, tearing up. "I can't lie to you. I love you too Negan. It hurts me to have to make these choices. And my feelings for you can't ever…they can't ever be acted on because I have a family."
Negan looked at her with sad eyes. "I know." He whispered. He felt himself get emotional.
Rick walked into the clinic and heard Negan's voice and Bella's voice so he didn't call out to announce his presence. He heard Bella tell Negan that she loved him and that made him angry all over again. He stayed in silence as he continued to listen. He knew that Bella was betraying him, now he had the confirmation. She was no different from Lori.
"I will always love you." Bella said softly. "You are a great man. And I am happy you are here. This morning…Aya going to you was special. She doesn't like strangers and she just…" her voice got tight.
"She's a special little gal. I really like her and Carl. I would die for them Bells. I would die for you. And that's the truth. I want you to be happy. Whatever makes you happy I will be okay."
"It's not fair to you. Don't hang all your hopes on me Negan. I'm not worth it."
"You are. I told you … you are it for me. I wanted…want to spend the rest of my life by your side. When I asked you to marry me in Kuwait…I meant it."
Bella was quiet a moment. "I know and you don't know how sorry I am for running away. The hurt and pain…I didn't stop to think about your own pain. And I'm sorry. I can never take it back." She said and choked up a little.
Negan's face softened and he reached up to frame her face. "Don't say your sorry. I understand you. I get the pain you were in. I know everything about you and I love you for it. Baby, I swear to you that I will make damn sure that you never have to apologize to me like this again. Because I will spend my life making it up to you. I get it, you're married or promised to be married to Rick. You have a family and I will honor that…and honor you. But I won't accept apologies because you don't owe me one."
"Negan…"
"Now. We'll go scout the creek. Come up with a plan to help get pasture land ready for yall here. We will make sure your community is fed. I'll be around from time to time but don't…don't apologize for trying to be happy. For loving Rick."
Bella was quiet a moment. "It's not fair to you and I know. I love you and it hurts…it hurts so fucking much." Tears rolled down her face.
Negan kissed her forehead. "I know and for that…I am sorry. Because I shouldn't be putting you in this position."
Bella took a step back and wiped her face. "I'll be okay. In time. For now…we have a job to do, so let's do it."
Rick crept away. He slipped out of the clinic. He wanted to kill something but he would settle for some whisky.