4

Little Toy Bikers and a Woman on the Run

Chapter 112 Push

Scarlett opened the window to feel the cool night air against her skin and breathe in the sweet heavy scent of the star jasmine planted beneath the window. Jax walked up behind her, standing so his body just touched hers. He put his arm across her shoulders. She expected to feel his lips or his warm breath on her neck.

"Did you really think I wouldn't find out your real name?" he whispered.

His words sent waves of terror through her body. She felt him shove the cold metal barrel of a gun against her head just below her ear. She heard him cock the gun. Her body jerked her awake.

Just a stupid dream. Nothing more. Normally with sleeping pills, she didn't dream, but they were wearing off as well as the pain killers and muscle relaxers she'd taken a few hours earlier.

She struggled to sit up using her arms to push herself up right. She took two tablets out of each bottle and swallowed them with water from the glass of water she always kept by her bedside.

Jax was still sound asleep. She didn't want to disturb him by turning on her laptop to watch DVDs while she waited for the medications to kick in. She put her hands on the nightstand for a few moments before pushing herself into a half crouch. Once her spine adjusted, she moved her hands from the nightstand to just above her knees. She slowly began walking her hands up her legs pausing to let her back adjust until she was finally standing up right.

She couldn't figure out why Jax wanted to share her bed. He knew that she wasn't going to have sex with him. It was kind of nice to watch DVDs together and talk though.

She left the bedroom and walked into the kitchen. It would take thirty minutes to an hour before the medication would kick in and she would be able to fall asleep.

Sitting would be painful and then she would have to stand up again, but standing hurt too. She decided to walk, maybe it would calm her body down and help her meds work faster.

Her mind turned to her nightmare. There was no way Jax could learn her true name. Even her psycho ex didn't know her real name. She'd lived under various fake names longer than she'd lived under her real name.

The nightmare had a deeper meaning. She wasn't afraid of Jax. She was afraid for him. If her ex found her and, even suspected Jax was in her life, that would be enough to get him killed. Maybe even tortured to death in front of her.

She never let herself cry over pain. It didn't make it hurt less. It just increased her stress level. Her pain could be killed and with therapy she would recover. A lot of people were living with a lot worse. It was being so physically vulnerable that she hated so much. It was a dangerous condition for her.

She thought of all the deaths that were connected to her and the people that were hurt by them. She didn't cause them, but she still felt burdened and haunted by them and the loved ones they had left behind.

Jax wasn't what she expected either. Violet was easily sucked in by men. When she told her how charming he was, she was skeptical. She thought he'd be this womanizer with a smarmy, oily charm like a timeshare salesman or a gadget salesman at a carnival. She liked him and she had fun with him. It was new for her. Normally, she tolerated men. With Jax, she actually wanted to be around him. Not all the time, but sometimes. That was progress.

Violet was dead, left discarded in a field. As a kid, she had idolized her big sister. It never mattered that they were stepsisters. She missed Violet. For a moment her mind went down the dark path wondering what Violet's final moments must have been like for her. Now, she was just being cruel to herself.

She'd been leaning against the living room wall watching the sun begin to rise. Somehow when she wasn't paying attention, she had started to cry. She had tried to harden herself against weakness and crying meant weakness. Two minutes and then she was going to wipe off her tears and go back to bed.

Her mother had been very anti-crying. When she would cry, her mother would send her to her room because no one wanted to see that. If she had to cry as a kid, she had to do it in her room and in secret. Usually she would hide in her bedroom closet.

She heard Jax and turned her head slightly making sure to hang her head so her hair covered her tearstained face.

"Are you OK, Scarlett?"

"I'm fine," she said. Despite her efforts to speak normally, she knew her voice betrayed her feelings.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Tell me what's wrong?"

"Leave me alone!" Scarlett raised her voice.

"Scarlett, tell me what's wrong," Jax's voice was calm and patient.

She wasn't about to let Jax see her cry much less tell him the reasons why. Maybe she should tell him her real name. He could put a bullet through her brain and she'd be in a better place than this hell she was living.

"Scarlett?"

"Go away! What the hell is wrong with you? When a girl cries, you are supposed to run like hell in the opposite direction."

"I'm not most guys."

"Go the fuck away!" Scarlett screamed.

He left her then. She wrapped her arms around herself because she was going to cry hard and it would pull the muscles in her back and hurt like hell.

It didn't take a psychic to predict her future. She was going to have to apologize to Jax for screaming at him. Damn. And she was going to exceed her two minute crying limit. Son of a bitch.

Maybe she'd hit the memory loss part of her sleeping meds and she wouldn't remember this had happened. There was always a bright side. Jax wouldn't forget. There went the bright side.