Author's Note: Another chapter because I am really loving this story! I'm sorry about the wait! I hope you all continue to enjoy!
Jake isn't sure what the little thing that appeared outside his window that fist night was exactly, but sometimes he feels like he sees it in his peripheral when he's out training in the mornings. When the sweat from his body has fogged over his mask and he needs a second to clear it, sometimes he feels like he sees it for a brief moment. But when he actually turns his head to look, it's gone. He doesn't usually catch sight of it - and when he does it's never as clearly as it was that day first day. Always caught on the breeze, soaring through the sky, or lazily dancing against the current.
He wanted to ask Tommy if he had any idea of what it was, but seeing Tommy became more and more difficult to do as their days turned into weeks at their new home on Pandora. Tommy has been having to go to medical in the days that followed their awakening due to his nausea. He can barely keep down what meager bits of food he can eat and one of the older scientists finally made note of it.
Jake has gone to him every chance that he could to make sure that he was okay, which thankfully, he was, but they didn't really talk much. At least, in the form of a conversation between the two of them. Tommy had so much that he learned that he was eager to share with Jake, and Jake was just so happy that his brother was doing okay, that he never complained. He just sat back and listened as Tommy went on and on about things he didn't really understand. But he was happy to listen, even if most of it went in one ear and out the other.
Jake got used to the routine of getting up early, going to training and then classes to get familiar with everything he needed to know about the base and what could possibly happen to them. Thankfully, Fike seemed to be his residential caretaker, so he didn't have to try to hold a conversation. The other seemed perfectly content to carry it all on his own.
Luckily the only times he saw the colonel was in passing. He made sure to be polite and formal but not stick around longer than necessary, which only seemed to amuse the colonel.
It wasn't until he was about two weeks in, moving along in his training to basic tactics and formations and firearms training when he was pulled aside by Wainfleet.
"Alright kid, so starting tomorrow afternoon, you are going to be going to the science division under Doctor Augustine."
Jake stares at him, perplexed. Did Tommy do it? Manage to get him transferred? Now that he was already getting used to the routine. It was fine, he supposed. It would be better to be around Tommy more so that Jake can keep an eye on him and make sure that he's doing okay but he's not smart enough to do any of the things that Tommy would tell him about while they are waiting for him to get IV nutrients.
"You're lucky that you don't have any lasting effects from the transportation here," Tommy had sighed, just yesterday. "They are going to give me one more bag of IV and then I'm going to get some medicine that will hopefully help me."
"I can't sleep," Jake offered, never having addressed the fact that he has probably had seven total hours of sleep these last two weeks. He mostly feels like death all the time, but when he finally went to medical for himself, they gave him some pills that make him feel worse. They would help him sleep, but it always felt hallow, dreamless, and when he woke up, he would usually feel a lot worse than when he went to sleep, which was miraculous all on its own.
He tried for a few days, hoping it was just something he could get used to, but when he woke up late and had to skip breakfast three times, he knew that this wasn't going to be for him. He'll just... figure it out on his own. He probably could go back to medical and see if there was anything else that they could do to help him, but he's already been enough of a bother and he's not sure he would be able to handle them monitoring him while he sleeps - or tries to, at least - so he's just going to suffer in silence and hope that his insomnia goes away with time.
Tommy frowned at that. "You never sleep, Jake. Even back on Earth. There were some nights that you would just sit there, staring at the ceiling all night long, jumping at shadows."
Jake shrugged, not wanting to think about those nights. Especially not now when he's feeling extremely sensitive because of his lack of sleep. Staring at his ceiling, his every breath like a gust of wind in a silent room. How his racing heart was like a pounding drum. How every shadow was out to get him. How every slight slip and shift was another nightmare brought to life.
Thankfully, Tommy slept peacefully at his side, unaware. Just the way that Jake wanted it.
Jake wanted to know why, though, as he pulled back into the present. He wasn't sure why anyone would really move him from Security, even though he kind of wanted it initially, now it was fine either way, but he figured it would be to the janitorial staff, if he's honest. He was told it would be impossible for him to mess that up, so he kind of figured if security didn't work out, that was his second and last option.
Instead of asking, like he wanted. Jake offers a thin nod and a, "Yes, sir."
Wainfleet stares at him for a long moment, hands on his hips as he slowly shakes his head. "You really don't have a lot to say, do you Sully?"
"No, sir."
He laughs to himself, still shaking his head. "I have seen that brother of yours, Sully. And I have to say, for as alike as the two of you look, you are not the same at all."
Jake doesn't know how to respond to that, so he just shrugs. When it appeared as though Wainfleet was waiting for something more, he adds, "So I've been told."
"I mean," Wainfleet continues, and Jake isn't sure why he feels compelled to keep going. It wasn't like he was offering a lot of conversation in return. "He is very boisterous. He practically bounces around the building, fascinated with the plants and stuff. Like the rest of the brains in the science department. And here you are." He gestures with his hands toward Jake's person.
Jake stares at the space just between his eyes, catching the motion with his peripheral, once more unsure of what to say to that. He settles with a solemn, "I'm sorry, sir."
Wainfleet presses his lips together, giving his head a little shake once more, as if it didn't matter one way or the other. And if it didnt... why did he say it?
Just to make conversation, he supposed. But that was usually more Tommy's field of expertise. Jake tended not to have anything interesting to say. Tommy was the smart, interesting twin. So, Jake isn't used to people wanting to hold a long conversation with him outside of Tommy's direct influence. Or outside of Tommy himself.
"Just remember where you come from is all. Doctor Augustine really knows how to make them, if you know what I mean. Brainwash good men and women. Just keep your wits about you. A smart young man like yourself should be fine."
Jake had absolutely no idea what he was talking about but wasn't going to ask him to elaborate. He's sure that whatever it is, he'll learn about it soon. And if he's being honest, no one spares him enough thought to want to "brainwash" someone like him, anyway.
Luckily, Wainfleet was pleased enough with a single, curt nod from Jake, before he was waved off and sent on his way. Jake didn't stick around.
"They got us avatars."
Jake jolts in surprise, looking up from where he was just staring at his food, moving it around his plate in the noisy cafeteria to see Tommy sliding into the seat across from him. Another man, a few years their senior, slides in next to him, offering a little wave.
Jake offers a little nod to be respectful before turning to look at Tommy. "What?"
"Someone told you that you're going to be joining us, right? Well, it turns out they made us our own avatars!" Tommy is practically vibrating with his excitement. He takes a bite of whatever it was that passed for food around here and Jake was relieved. He had been so worried about Tommy not eating. It's nice to see that he is starting to feel better.
"What?" Jake says again, already missing what his brother was saying, too relieved about him eating. He knows that he was getting on his brother's nerves, always fretting about whether he was eating or not. It's a relief that he's starting to get better. It gives Jake hope about being able to sleep.
"Oh, this is Norm, by the way. Norm, my brother Jake."
The other man nods, offering a smile and a hand. "Nice to meet you, Jake."
"You too," Jake says politely. At least it was nice to finally put a face to the name.
"I was shocked when I saw the avatars," Norm says, using his fork to push his own food around on his plate. Just as interested in it as Jake was, it seems. "I didn't know that Tommy had a twin. Imagine my surprise. When he said brother, I didn't even realize. But there they were in front of me, just like the two of you. Two completely identical avatars." His smile is friendly, and Jake doesn't sense any ill will, but he has mixed feelings about what he said.
Jake doesn't talk about Tommy, so he shouldn't be bothered, but a part of him recognizes that he doesn't talk about Tommy, because he doesn't talk at all. He gets by with the bare minimum, if he can. So, his brother tends not to come up in conversation, because Jake doesn't have a lot of conversations. With anyone. But Tommy talks a lot about Norm, so Jake sort of figured that they were friends - which he didn't really know because Jake never had any friends. So, wouldn't they have spoken about him? More than just in passing?
Then again, it is hypocritical of him to be thinking that. He really doesn't talk about Tommy, so it is fair that Tommy doesn't do the same. The little voice in the back of Jake's head can't help but point out that it has only been two weeks since they got here. No one can learn every little detail of someone else's life in such a short amount of time.
And, once again, to be fair, Jake doesn't talk about Tommy either.
Tommy didn't do anything wrong.
Jake stomps down the feels wrestling inside of him, not even wanting to offer them a thought more, let alone put any sort of name to what they are. They don't matter. Tommy isn't in the wrong. No one is. Jake is just feeling something that he can't explain, nor does he want to try to figure it out. This is an exciting experience for Tommy, things are bound to slip his mind.
And besides, how is this any of Jake's business anyway. Tommy is free to have a life outside of him. He's always told Jake that the older of the two of them can be kind of clingy at times, which is fair. Sometimes... well, sometimes Jake gets a little too into his head and forgets that Tommy doesn't need him to look out for him as much anymore. Or, maybe at all. But... well, old habits die hard.
"People are always saying that," Tommy says, pulling Jake back from his thoughts. "But yeah, we get our own avatars. Isn't that cool?" Tommy turns blue eyes toward Jake, giving him a familiar smile that threatens to split his face in two.
Still having no idea what his brother is talking about, Jake relents with a quiet, "Yeah. Cool."
Norm, taking immense pity on the confused twin, elaborates, "The avatars are the bodies that we made to make us look like Na'vi. Did no one tell you about it?"
Jake stares at Norm, shaking his head. He has no recollection of Wainfleet mentioning anything of that nature. "No."
"I told you," Tommy sighs, taking another bite. Once he's finished chewing, he continues, "Come on, Jake. I've been telling you all about it. I know there is a lot going on here, but you can't deny how utterly fascinating all of this is."
Jake nods, wondering how he could have missed something like that. But then again, Tommy does tend to go on a lot of tangents. Plus, Jake does give up pretty easily when he's completely lost on what his brother is saying. So, he supposes, there is a good chance that he just wasn't paying attention while Tommy was talking.
"Sorry," Jake says, scratching at the back of his short hair. "But what is it? Paint or something?"
Norm laughs while Tommy gives Jake a withering look. "No, they are full, actual bodies. We have machines that transfer the mind and senses of the driver into the body itself. You've been here a few weeks and you haven't heard anything about it?"
Jake shakes his head, now concerned that something like that hadn't caught his attention. He really feels like it Tommy said something about that, he would have clued in. That is very fascinating. Maybe, he told Jake while he was fretting about his health. That might have been enough to distract Jake. No excuse for the rest of his time in the facility. When he keeps his head down, he really keeps his head down.
Honestly, Jake is kind of impressed with his ability to keep his head in the sand.
"I figured security would have had a lot to say about it," Norm says, voice even. He finally takes a bite of his food. "I mean, they aren't the biggest fans of the science department."
Given what Wainfleet said about Augustine have a way of, um, brainwashing people. He didn't need any additional input to have guessed that. Wainfleet isn't as talkative as most of the others, at least not to Jake, which is fair, but he certainly had plenty to say earlier today. So, Jake could probably have assumed his view without much else other than that one conversation.
Jake looks down at his meal that he's been pushing around, sighing in defeat and taking a bite, knowing that he has to eat. The exhaustion that has been hanging over him since that first day, bears down on his shoulders and Jake has to wonder if he's going to get any sleep tonight. He's not exactly excited about this whole avatar thing. It is certainly interesting, but he never really thought about something like this happening to him, so he's not sure how to feel.
Which begs the question...
"Are these things, these, uh, avatars? Are they expensive?" Jake asks.
"Yes," both Norm and Tommy say at the same time while Tommy adds, "Very."
"Then why did they make them for us?" Jake asks, eyebrows pulling together.
Norm glances over at Tommy, who was grinning, pleased. As if he's been waiting for Jake to ask. "Well, my dear brother. It turns out that we are going to help Grace with her school. It's been open for a few months now. It's still new and the building itself is almost finished being constructed in the Omatikayan territory. It's not too far from here, thankfully."
"We are?" Jake asks, frowning. "What are we going to be doing?"
Tommy shrugs. "I'm not sure. It's going to take a bit of time, though. We have to work through the manuals and practice in the avatars. You know, get used to them. We probably won't even leave this complex with them for a few more weeks, but still. It's exciting, isn't it?" His smile spreads once more.
Jake looks down at his food. He was informed that because of his age and inexperience that he was going to remain stationed at the facility for the foreseeable future - the only recognition of his age since he showed up. Which he was fine with. He's been working his ass off to get through this training without making any big waves but also not falling behind. He has been proving to have the makings of an excellent marksman, which he was surprised about himself, but everything else has been relatively average. At least, by his own design.
Everything is calculated, in its own way. It's not a perfect science, and doesn't always have the desired results, but anything to try and remain as covert as possible, without it seeming like that.
The best part about this plan is that if no one cares about you, they don't tend to notice anything strange. Just the way that he likes it.
"Wait," Jake asks, blinking rapidly. "A manual?"
"Yeah, Jake," Tommy laughs, rolling his eyes. "It's not completely intuitive. We are talking about literally alien biology spliced with human DNA. It's not like riding a bike."
"And I have to know all about that to be able to... what? Walk? Talk?" Jake can feel what tiny tendrils of energy he's got sapping from him with every passing moment. More studying. More things he doesn't understand. And God forbid that he has to take some sort of test to be able to do any of this. Why would anyone in their right mind invest so much money in a couple of teenagers? Sure, their birthdays will be coming up... uh, soonish? And never mind the fact that six of them have already passed. But still.
Tommy sighs while Norm raises his eyebrows, glancing over at Tommy, the older of the three of them says, "Grace is going to have a field day with this. I don't think anyone told her about you guys until she got back from school that day, when we all first got here. I mean, she probably assumed something like this was bound to happen. But... well, I won't claim to know what's going on in her head, but I imagine it feels a lot like a headache."
"Fike said something about there being two ships sent within six months apart from one another," Jake offers, remembering back to his second day in this cafeteria. "He said that never happened before. Do you know what changed this last time?"
Norm shakes his head. "I was just surprised that my application was approved but I wasn't scheduled for the first flight. When I got in touch with the RDA, they said I was approved for a future flight. That some VIP was being sent on the second flight, but it had to be scheduled later but they weren't going to wait for the standard seven years. I guess the answer was six months. I couldn't get anything more than that."
Tommy shrugs his shoulders. "I mean, it was because of this second flight that we were able to come, too."
"Yeah," Norm says, looking between the twins. "Are you really have no idea how that was possible. How two teens managed to get on one of the most highly sought after space exploration projects in all of human history?"
"Our dad pulled some strings," Tommy says, shrugging. "He's got a lot of friends in the corporate world as well as in the government. I'm assuming we are here for integration purposes. Jake and I could probably go Grace's school, blend in with the other kids. Meet Na'vi that are around our age. Stuff like that, I guess. I'm assuming this wasn't a split-second decision, and people have been gnawing at the bit to get Grace's school up and running to build stronger relations with the Na'vi clans around here. I guess they got tired of waiting and so they sent us just in time."
Tommy didn't look as though he necessarily believed it wholeheartedly, and neither did Jake or Norm, but the later two sat in silence, digesting his words. Neither of them had any better ideas. They were there for a reason, and Grace's school seemed like the best answer. They have their own avatars, for God's sake. That seems pretty telling to the three of them.
But if whoever orchestrated them into being here, certainly wasn't paying attention when they spent all that money on Jake's avatar. Because if the brothers were supposed to be bridging gapes and building bonds with the Na'vi, they were wasting a lot of time and effort on the wrong brother.
Jake was just enough like the man that raised him to know that he destroys everything that he touches. If anything, Jake will just make everything worse.
Norm sought out Jake just before he was about to attempt to get some rest, because sleep was still a far-off dream for the older Sully twin, to give him an avatar manual. Jake was appreciative, giving Norm a little nod, to which the other man nodded back with a simple, "I figured Tommy might forget. Best to make as good of an impression on Grace as you can. I'm pretty sure she's going to be against this whole thing."
Jake didn't ask for him to elaborate, just offering a little nod and bidding him farewell before dropping into his desk chair and flipping through the manual with tired, glazed over eyes. He finally got a good look at the Na'vi. Their tall frames with long, lanky limbs and sinewy muscles. The flat bridges of their noses and golden eyes. All levels of adornments in their hair, around their necks and limbs, some even acting from a modesty standpoint around the female's chests, and loincloths. A lot of their attire leaving nothing to the imagination. Braids seem to be particularly common as every Na'vi documented has their hair braided in some manner, with varying adornments decorating it, from beads to leaves to sticks and twigs.
He was, admittedly, intimidated by the side-by-side comparison, height wise. The males stand at almost twice his size. And the women have at least a good three feet on him. He shakes his head, surprised. No wonder the trees outside the compound are massive. No wonder security has been so worried about them. No wonder they have giant mechs to try and put them on the same level as the Na'vi. Jake doesn't know how to pilot one, but he assumes it's something he was going to learn in time.
Now, he's just confused. What is he going to do as someone trained in the security of the facility, because he's technically not part of the fighting force that leaves to traverse the dangers of Pandora, when he already can't connect to other humans. Now they are holding onto some false hope that he's going to be able to bridge the gap between the Na'vi and humanity? By what? Beguiling himself to the younger generation? The future of Na'vi culture?
Tommy could probably do that. Jake has no chance.
Maybe Jake can speak to this Grace person. It sounds like there isn't a whole lot that can be done now that the avatar already exists, but maybe he can be regulated to duties away from the Na'vi. Hopefully Tommy has endeared himself enough that he can carry this burden on his own. Jake can just do all the behind-the-scenes things. He doesn't mind manual labor or running errands. He can use the avatar to get the companies money with out of it, if that matters, and so he blends in - somewhat - but doesn't have to directly interact.
Hopefully Doctor Augustine will be agreeable to the idea of Jake staying the hell out of the way. Because once again, this situation is quickly becoming one of his worst nightmares.
Jake stayed awake that night, eyes scanning over the pictures, both hand drawn, and computer generated, in front of him. He eventually, in the middle of the night, moved from his desk to lay in bed, not really reading but letting his eyes absorb all the information that the pictures depicted. Or at least, tried to. His brain was way to fried to try and make sense of the long paragraphs of descriptions and explanations for parts of the anatomy that were different. His eyes hurt horribly by the morning, but he pushed through the exhaustion to get ready for the day.
He choked down breakfast, and made sure to get to training on time, going through all the motions as it starts to become habit, muscle memory forming. Thankfully measures of the body come easily to Jake, so his mind is able to mentally check out. He follows the motions, the orders, on autopilot. He forces himself back into focus during arms training as to not risk anyone's life, but the majority of his morning into the afternoon are in a daze-like state.
As he was finishing for the day, at least in training, he made sure to check in with his instructors who were in charge of the second half of his day to make sure he got everything from them that he needed. He was on his way back to his room to drop off all of the stuff he wouldn't need, as well as shower before heading to the cafeteria and then report into the science department when someone called out his name, giving him pause.
Tense, Jake turns to see Fike walking up to him, friendly smile always present on his face. "Colonel wants to speak to you, Sully. Let's go."
Jake casts a forlorn look down the hall leading to his room before resigning himself to his fate, chastising himself for thinking that the transition was going to be a seamless, Colonel-less one.
Without argument, Jake follows after, steeling himself for whatever it was that the Colonel wanted to talk about. Jake didn't dislike the Colonel, but the man was too much like someone that Jake was trying to forget about. He was the sort of alpha-male personality that made Jake's palms sweat and feel faint. He can handle everything in small doses, but he feels more on edge than usual. His inadequate sleep no doubt helping him feel more... vulnerable.
He just wants to hear whatever it is the Colonel wants to say to him, give a few "yes sir's" and move on with his life. With hardly any sleep, Jake can't afford to miss any mealtimes. His energy is already drained as it is. Plus, a nice hot shower usually helps him drop off into a black out slumber for a few minutes. Which, at this point, is a god sent.
Fike leads Jake into a gym of sorts. It's always been impressed upon them the importance of keeping in shape. That the lesser gravity of this world effects their muscles over long periods of time if they aren't careful. Well, the colonel certainly believes in maintaining his peak physique. Jake and Fike stop just a few feet away from the colonel as he bench presses enough to make Jake feel very weak. Like a harsh breeze could take him away. He knows he's of average height and build for his age, but, well. Anyway.
"Sully!" Colonel Quaritch greets, corner of his lip curling a bit in a seemingly friendly smile. Fike takes that as his dismissal and heads off. Jake already misses him. Someone else to distract the colonel from focusing on just him.
Jake salutes but Quaritch waves it away as he racks the bar and moves into a sit, looking up at Jake with ice-blue eyes. Jake's arms fall back to his side, pressing them against the side of his legs to keep his hands from shaking. There is a moment of silence, where the colonel studies the young man in front of him, taking in his rigid stance, and his inability to meet his eyes.
"Relax, son," Quaritch says, and Jake feels himself do anything but that.
He nods, though, and says, quietly, "Yes, sir."
Quaritch smiles again in that way that makes Jake feel like he's doing something amusing, but he has absolutely no idea what it could be that he's doing. It's the same. No matter where he goes. There will always be men out there that find amusement in the little plebians running about at his feet. Everything and everyone are there for them to play with and throw away when he's bored of them. Men like Quaritch. Men like... no, it doesn't matter. He just has to get through this and go.
"You're going to be heading over to work with the eggheads after this, yeah?" Quaritch asks, hopefully about to get to the point of why he asked Jake here. The younger of the two nods, but doesn't verbally respond, which once more, seems to amuse the colonel. "I just wanted to make something clear while you're there. You are still my man. You're... more on loan. Do the Doctor's song and dance, but just remember, you work for me."
There is a sharpness, a tenseness in the air that makes Jake's throat close up. And despite the terror that cuts through him, his eyes finally find Quaritch's. That friendly smile and intense blue eyes suddenly appear Cheshire in nature. Warped, mangled. Eyes too wide, lips spread too far. An intense, gut-wrenching terror fills Jake's gut and all he can do is nod, mutely at the other man.
"Grace already has herself and Sully, and she's lucky I'm loaning her mine. Just so everyone knows, I am being very gracious." Those blue eyes cleave through Jake's chest, making it hard for him to breathe. "You like it here, don't you, Sully?"
A trap, his mind screams. He's a fly caught in a web and the spider is closing in.
Unable to pull his eyes from the Colonel's, terror of what might leap out at him the moment he looks away, Jake nods. Quaritch's unnatural smile stretches a touch further and Jake feels sick to his stomach.
"I want to hear you say it, son."
And there it is. Quaritch is just like him. All men are like him. At least, all men in a position of power. They are the same. They take Jake's voice from him. Force him to say their words. Take away his power, thread by thread.
And they hide it behind pleasantries and falsities.
That edge that has been creeping up on Jake this whole time suddenly smooths out. This is familiar. This is a comforting terror. This is something that he's known all of his life. This is a consistent normal in his life. Men like Quaritch, men with power, will always seek to destroy those that are inferior to them. Those that don't perfectly conform. Those that have any sort of radiance.
Those like Tommy.
Jake is safe in these maddeningly tight clutches. The threat clear. You are mine.
Any level of uncertainty and confusion is washed away. Jake is where he belongs. Where he has always belonged. Escape one devil to come a crossed another. A young man destined to be alone. A young man destined to live in the service of others.
And when that service is done; to no longer live at all.
Jake is safe in this familiar reality as his lips part, and ignoring the tiny, hope filled voice that had slowly been building in the back of his mind, scream out as it tappers off into silence, he says, "I like it here, Colonel. And I'm not going anywhere."