The Nightingale

Chapter 18: Dear...

Winter/January 5 - Year x492.

Rukia…

There are so many things that we have not talked about, there are so many things that I do not know about you and that you do not know about me, there are so many things to say and do, and it seems that now they cannot be said or done. My mother talked to me, she told me what you two talked about before you went back to Maranni; Deep down I knew that was going to happen, after the kidnapping it was illogical to think that you would still be in the castle but even so, when I heard my mother's words, I felt that the abyss under my feet grew larger. I have been repeating to myself that there is no better place for you than home, that there is no safer place than Maranni, and yet I have found myself walking to the stables with the intention of taking a horse and fetching you.

I wrote several letters before, all of them began with "I hope you come back soon" and with "I will go for you no matter you don't want to come" but I broke them all and now they burn in the fire in the fireplace in my room. That night in the cemetery you said "Who falls in love with someone in less than a week?" I think I was the one who fell in love in less than a week.

I would like to tell you that this letter is to say that I am on my way to Maranni, that I will go to look for you in the middle of winter whatever happens, but I will not say it; I will not ask you to give up the freedom that you wanted so much because of me, just as you did not ask me to give up the fight for the kingdom's throne for you. This letter is to give you something that has been yours since it was created.

The white gold and emerald bracelet that I sent you the afternoon I asked you to be my lover is yours. I designed it with you in mind, it was for you and it doesn't seem right that something that is yours, even if you haven't even used it, be with me; I don't need to miss you more than I miss you. I should say something like "use it tonight" but I don't know when this letter will reach your hands and I don't know if I'll see you again.

I would like to think that it is like the last time we said goodbye, when we did not know who we really were, I would like to kiss your lips at sunset and then meet again and receive another blow from you. It doesn't matter when this letter arrives, wear the bracelet, please.

I want you to come back, Rukia, but I'm afraid that if you come back then you might get hurt somehow because everything I've done to be with you has hurt you. I know about the tea my mother gave you and I witnessed your fainting on the morning of the execution, you suffered but it was I who was the real responsible; I want you to be with me Rukia but I fear that you will hurt yourself on this trip and the last thing I want is for you to suffer in any way.

I want you to answer this letter, even if it is with the cruel confirmation that you will not return to the castle and that you will have a wonderful happy and free life, I want to read it because then I will have something that your hands have touched and that somehow has a part of you; or maybe it is better that you do not answer it, maybe I could not bear to read that you will be happy without me in your life.

Rukia, what have you done to me? I can't stop thinking about you... I don't want to stop thinking about you.

Yours, Ichigo.

— End of season —