The next morning she woke up early, too early. Looking out her window she could see it was still dark out, the fog was thick and the silence around her was haunting, it made her feel inexplicably anxious. Exactly like the night the Black Pearl had attacked Port Royal, at the thought she couldn't help but curl in on herself, dreading the moment that canyon shots might start booming in the distance.
Was she dreaming now? Had she really even fallen asleep last night? It did not feel like she had, and at the same time, everything felt like a dream. But her head was pounding, her eyes felt puffy, she could feel the pins used to hold her hair still in it, -digging into her skull- and she was still half dressed, she noticed as she sat up in bed, looking down at herself.
She felt so many things changing inside her and she wasn't even sure who she was anymore. Who she wanted to be. She was different now, but still everything she had been before as well. She brought her knees up to her chin and curled her arms around them, resting her head down and looking out the window.
She had no desire to think anymore; about what had happened, about them, about any of it. Just a bad dream. But she could not stop herself from remembering everything. She stayed in that position for a long time, watching as the sun slowly rose outside.
The Caribbean sun was such a pretty sight to behold, and one of her favourite things of living in Port Royal.
Although she had been no more than a child when her father was appointed Governor and had moved them all the way across the ocean to this island; she could still remember England and its dreadful, gloomy weather. She could not fathom the idea of having to live there forever. She had been lucky to have ended up here, she concluded.
...
It was a curious how much some things had changed and yet some others were exactly the same.
When the sun finally rose, and everyone else with it, it was the same routine as always. Estrella came into her room to check on her and seemed visibly surprised to see her already awake "Good Morning, Miss" she greeted. When she noticed her dishevelled appearance, she had the good sense of not making any comments this time around.
The other maids came to set up the tub and help her bathe, pick a dress and change. Same as always.
They tried to make friendly conversation with her, same as every morning. But once she was inside the tub, they quickly understood she was not in the mood to engage them in conversation. Although that did not deter them from chattering amongst themselves.
"Such a ghastly thing what happened yesterday, with that pirate escaping!" one of the other maids was saying to Estrella in a squeaky voice
"Wasn´t it? and now the Commodore has to make sail in order to apprehend him once more, such a shame for our Miss" Estrella lamented with a note of pity in her voice.
Elizabeth was just trying her best to ignore them.
"I still cannot believe the blacksmith apprentice dared help that criminal escape!" another maid exclaimed scandalized
Elizabeth tensed. Maybe she should have pretended to be unwell today or sent them all away and just bathed herself… They meant no harm and they knew nothing about her relationship with Will, she reminded herself. No point in getting mad at them.
When she was finally all dressed and ready for the day, she decided to go down to the dining room and have her breakfast there. Her room was making her feel claustrophobic at the moment and she did not fancy spending the day cooped up inside.
As she was going down the stairs that led to the parlour, she happened upon her father who was getting ready to leave the Mansion. That was unexpected, the sun was barely out, the Justice building did not open until a couple of hours later and none of his pretentious friends would be pleased to receive a visit this early in the morning.
"Good morning Father" she greeted feeling a little bad for not having informed him of her arrival last night, the Commodore had probably been the one to let him know. His back was to her, so he had not seen her yet as he instructed the Butler to ready the carriage, but as soon as she spoke he turner around caught of guard.
"Elizabeth dear, good morning!" her father greeted her cheerily, same as always.
"Where are you going so early in the morning Father?" something in his expression flickered at that and he hesitated a little before answering "The Dauntless is to depart soon. I thought to stop by the harbour and wish them safe voyage" her father answered her kindly, but he did not try to invite her to come along like he usually would have.
She felt a strong pang of guilt at that "I will accompany you" she informed him, as she made a hand gesture for Estrella to get her umbrella and her purse and finished her path down the stairs.
Her father´s expression morphed into one of visible surprise and he was quick to reassure her "You don't have to Dear. You should stay at home and have a rest, it's still quite early in the morning. I´m sure nobody will mind"
She paused and turned to look at her father's face once again, he looked concerned. Because of her?
It was quite obvious who was the 'nobody' he was referring to. "I want to go" to her own surprise, she insisted.
Her father stared at her face, seemingly trying to gauge her intentions, but he assented his consent after a moment "Very well"
…
The path to the harbour was very much the same as always. But the trip was different, she noticed how -while he maintained a friendly chat with her- her father had not made one mention of the Commodore to her, even though they were on their way to see him off.
Had they talked yesterday? Had the Commodore said something about their fight to her father after she locked herself in her room? Surely her father would have already scolded her if that had been the case.
As she got off the carriage she could observe that, besides the crew of The Dauntless getting ready to depart, the docks were very much empty at the moment. So it was quite easy to spot the Commodore on the deck of a medium sized sloop ship, giving orders about the loading of provisions and other supplies to be taken on board The Dauntless, which waited moored at the mouth of the bay.
"Commodore!" Her father called out to him, immediately getting his attention. When the Commodore turned around, his eyes fixed on her figure and his face showed visible surprise at seeing her there.
Maybe coming here wasn´t a good idea… she was starting to realize he might not want to see her here after what she told him yesterday. But it was too late now.
He turned around to his Lieutenant "Lieutenant, make sure all supplies are accounted for by the time I return" was his only command before walking to the gangplank and getting off the ship
Once he reached them he greeted her father politely, as he always would "Good morning, Governor" But his voice sounded a little strained when he turned in her direction "Miss Swann"
"Good morning, Commodore" she greeted, making an effort to sound casual. Clearly it had not worked, if her father´s uncomfortable demeanour was any indication.
"We are here to wish you safe travels" Her father tried to supply helpfully. But as the Commodore´s eyes flitted her way with a flash of hurt, it was clear he remembered her callous remark yesterday.
This would not do. "Father, I would like to have a private word with the Commodore, If I may" she asked him politely, but she was looking at the Commodore.
Her father seemed more confused than anything at her request, but thankfully, he made no further comment as he nodded; turning his gaze in question to the Commodore, who assented once in agreement.
"Would you walk with me, Miss Swann?" the Commodore asked while offering her his arm. Instead of resting her hand on top of his, she wrapped it around his elbow and took a secure hold of his arm. If the Commodore was displeased by her action, he made no effort to let her know.
Once they walked far enough it was sure they would not be overheard, she let go of his arm as and faced him completely "Well... what was it that you wanted to discuss with me, Miss Swann?" It was odd, he was being as polite as always but since yesterday… his tone was much less… stoic, she could hear the emotions in it now.
And she wished she had planned what she wanted to say, in the end deciding that being direct was probably her best chance "I am sorry, Commodore. My words yesterday were thoughtless and I did not mean them. I do want you to come back safely" she declared earnestly while looking him in the eyes
His posture relaxed some and his eyes looked at her softly. "Thank you, Miss Swann" he offered her with warmth in his voice and she knew he had forgiven her.
And because she seemed incapable to control her mouth, she blurted "Don´t go after them, just stay here and let them go!" she knew it was an impossible request but she made it anyway
The Commodore tried to be stern but he only sounded tired when he replied "You know I can not abide by that request"
"They are good men, you do not need to kill them" she truly could not understand "Why are you so insistent on this?" Was it because of her?
A thought occurred to her then: Is it because you resent him? She almost asked out loud, but as soon as the thought crossed her mind, she knew that was not the reason. He was honourable, stupidly so, and she had never known him to abuse his power like that or act in such a petty way.
At her question, he did something uncharacteristic of him: he let both of his hands rest on his hips, and let out an exasperated sigh as his head bowed forward "I have my orders from the crown Ms Swann, and I have no choice but to follow them" he tried to explain while straightening himself back
She ignored his explanation "Are you truly going to hunt down my rescuers?"
"I am in no position to decide over the matter anymore" he insisted
"You will not catch them! The Pearl is too fast and The Interceptor is destroyed" Why was she needling him like this? She knew there was no point, but still, she wanted him to stay.
"That might be so, but I still need to go" He replied calmly. He might not be holding back his emotions as much anymore, but he was still quite good at controlling them and he seemed to be getting familiar with her tactics.
And now he would depart in search of The Pearl, with the single goal of bringing Will and Jack back and seeing to their deaths.
Short of throwing a tantrum right here, she had no more ideas on how to try and stop him… and even she wanted to maintain some dignity in front of his men.
Just as the thought crossed her, his head turned to glance in the direction of The Dauntless for a moment. The preparations must be almost complete, she guessed
But his attention went back to her right after "About our conversation yesterday… I assure you, regardless of what your answer might be. I will make sure to talk to your Father" he promised her
"My father…" she hesitated, truly she wasn't sure what she wanted to say, but she did not want to cause her father any more worries
"I´ll talk to him, and I´ll make sure he understands" he repeated with a gentle voice.
She frowned and looked down at the ground "What about your plans? Are you willing to abandon them?" she questioned him
James' face startled at that, he looked at her in confusion "What plans?"
"Surely you had some plans in mind when you asked for my hand?" Like having Port Royal Governor´s prized daughter as another pretty medal to his name, she thought bitterly.
His face grimaced when he understood her meaning "You really don't understand, do you Miss Swann?"
She tensed at his words "I…"
He lifted his hand up appeasingly "Albeit the one to blame is probably me" his expression morphed into a sad little smirk as he continued "My plan as you so kindly put it, consisted of a willing bride Miss Swann, not a prisoner. I do not wish to forcefully bound myself to a woman who does not hold any affection for me"
She does care for him... Why couldn't she get it right with him?
"That is not.." she tried
Only to be immediately stopped when he interrupted her seriously "There really is no need for you to lie to me anymore. I now see how the Governor and I may have… put too much pressure on you over the matter"
Her temper flared, he might be trying to help, but he was still not listening to her "So what do you expect me to do!? Call off our engagement, be subjected to the critics of all those Port Royal insufferable elitist bunch my father calls friends, for the rest of my days and then die all alone!?" she lashed at him
His eyebrows raised up in surprise at that "I would not have expected for you to care about what those 'elitists' think. You never have before" he pointed out
"I still don´t. But it would make my life here most difficult" she grumped, her arms crossing in front of her and her head turning to the side
He frowned confusedly at her and then suggested "You could leave Port Royal, go back to England maybe. As is my understanding, you have never been particularly fond of this place" he was being so considerate it was irritating her instead.
"I am not leaving" she scowled, this conversation was really fraying her nerves. She was starting to regret coming to talk to him.
"I am quite confident in your ability to convince your father to let you go" he said with some humor in his voice
"I don't want to leave" she amended
At this, his expression lost all mirth "Because you are expecting him to come back for you" he sighed, weary. Was she? If even she did not know if that was true. What right did he have to presume to know?
And now she was angry, again. He had no right to assume he understood her so well, so she stubbornly contradicted him, knowing there probably was some truth to his words "He will not come back to Port Royal, he will get arrested and hanged the moment he does. You know that"
"But that does not stop you from wanting him to" she narrowed her eyes at him. What an annoying man, she was beginning to think she liked him better when he would keep quiet. What she really wanted at the moment was to sock him hard in the head, preferably with a blunt object.
Why was he doing this!? Why was he making it so difficult for her!? Why did he think it mattered? She was here now, was she not? Even though she would have wanted them to take her along, they abandoned her and now she was here. And she had not uttered a word of dissent against their marriage, had she!? She gave him her word already, all she was trying to do was keep her promise to him! So why was he trying to ruin it all? She couldn´t win
She´d had enough, she had come to apologize to him about the stupid thing she said yesterday, and now she had. That was all she came to do. She could go now. She should go now.
And why was he still here!? Did he not have to check the supplies or something? He has always been so thorough about everything being ready and perfect before they leave port. So if he could just go and do that, it would be perfect.
Her feet were clearly not working, but her mouth was "He is not coming back!" she repeated stubbornly "He didn't even say goodbye!" she sniffed, her eyes were starting to sting again and she was having trouble catching her breath, but she would not cry over William Turner in front of him again "He didn't make me any promises! He didn't even look at me before he jumped after Jack!" she was really close to yelling now.
She dropped her eyes to the ground -and much like what happened yesterday- saw his hand lift up towards her, although there was no handkerchief this time. Instead his hand paused for a moment before reaching all the way up towards her cheek.
His hand was almost as big as her face and warm and so very gentle as his thumb swiped under her eye, before a tear could drop.
"I´m sorry" he said with gentleness, and that made her lift her gaze so she could meet his. Now that she had seen it, she could not ignore the strong emotion shining in the depths of his eyes.
He was looking at her in that way again, the same way that had finally alerted her to the intensity of his feelings for her. But this time there was no hurt clouding his gaze and that made her hear flutter strangely.
With the same tender tone he finished "I did not mean to make you cry, not yesterday and not now" his eyes continued looking straight at her with the utmost sincerity
"Yet you keep managing to" She managed to quip with a small smile
He smiled back gently as his thumb continued to caress the apple of her cheek, his eyes were staring at her affectionately and she was… enjoying the attention.
But his demeanour sobered abruptly, his hand dropped from her face and went back to rest at his side. "I must leave now" he offered stiffly "I will make sure to pay you a visit after my return" he concluded.
What happened? She was confused by his sudden change
With some reluctance, he added "Please… think about it" he asked, but there was resignation in his voice, and that grated at her chest.
"I will be waiting for your safe return, Commodore Norrington" she managed to muster
She did not say anything more. Because although she was frustrated with him and resented his insistence on chasing after Will and Jack and couldn't honestly wish him good luck... She also did not want a repeat of yesterday, with her saying something hurtful to him -that she truly did not mean- right before he left Port Royal
He hesitated for just a moment before finally reaching for her hand, bringing it to his lips and kissing her knuckles lightly. And the tingling sensation his action provoked was definitely new "Take care, Miss Swann" he bid her goodbye, then he turned around and walked back towards the ship his men had been loading.
After the Commodore returned to the ship, her father came to look for her, but he had not said much of anything afterwards. So for the next half an hour Elizabeth watched quietly by her father's side as the crew of The Dauntless finished transporting supplies to the large galleon.
Once the preparations were deemed complete and most of the crew had already left the docks in yawls, the Commodore glanced back in their direction, tilted his head a little and then turned completely, barking orders to the men on deck. His ship was the last one to leave the harbour.
She stared at the boats until they reached The Dauntless, then stared at the galleon until it started moving towards the open sea, quickly gaining speed. The sun was completely up now and the sky was clear but now she felt no desire to spend the day outside. She stared for quite a while, long after the ship could not be seen anymore. It wasn´t until her father reached for her shoulder to indicate they should leave, that she finally took her eyes away from the horizon.
The feeling of dejection was new too.