"No."Amanda firmly held Olivia's shoulders, effectively blocking her from moving.
"Damn it Amanda! I'm not kidding. Help me or I'm getting someone else to help."
Amanda continued to hold her back firmly. "Hell no." She was not going to let her friend, her best friend, split her damn stitches open trying to find her partner. No way. She could barely breathe, and her pain was barely under control since she continually refused opiates. "No one in their right mind will move you anywhere." The devastated look on Olivia's face almost made Amanda change her mind. She hated doing this. "Liv," she softened her voice. "We don't know anything. The medical staff is freezing Bell out. Running over there will rip your insides apart and I'm not watching you bleed out on the hospital floor." Amanda felt emotion creeping into her voice. It sucked. It all sucked.
Olivia let out a stifled sob before lowering herself back into her bed. Amanda felt helpless while she watched her best friend curl up on herself while silent sobs continued to rack over her body. She was certainly in immense physical pain as her body continued to tense, inevitably putting intense pressure on her already wounded body. She'd never seen Liv react quite like this to anything. It was more than a little disconcerting, and Amanda decided between the pain, pain killers, and emotional trauma of the situation, Olivia's normally well masked emotions were erupting without restraint.
Her phone buzzed in her pocket, and she silently thanked God when she saw Fin's name lit up her screen.
She turned away slightly, attempting to save herself from the heart wrenching scene in front of her. "Please tell me you know something." She didn't bother with a greeting.
"Maureen's here. I think she's the oldest one." As nice as that was, Amanda needed to know what the hell was going on before Olivia reopened her GSW.
"Just tell me what's going on," Amanda cut in bluntly.
"He survived surgery. EMS got to 'em pretty fast. Faster than they got to Liv. Still a lotta blood loss, but they got him transfused. He's good." Amanda sensed a but.
"I need to know everything. I'm not even close to in the mood to beg for information. Give it to me straight or I'm gonna let Liv go down there." It was an idle threat and they both knew it. Still, it pushed him to spill whatever he held back.
"Fine. He's got spinal swelling. They're pretty sure it's temporary."
"What the hell Fin!? Why wouldn't you tell me that?!" She was feeling irrational, but at the same time she felt perfectly justified in her anger.
"It's not you I'm worryin about!" His voice raised a little. "She can't come down here, and I know she's gonna try."
She already tried.
"She's going to know if we leave anything out and you know it. Just give it to me straight so I don't have to lie my ass off to my best friend."
Fin blew out a frustrated breath but complied. "Fine. Shoulder shot. Through and through. Slid past a previous injury, and ripped some scar tissue. Doc's aren't worried about it. May need some PT, but he'll get range of motion."
"What's going on with the spinal injury?" She pinched her eyes shut. This was a nightmare.
"Clipped a vertebra. Spinal cord is intact. They really think it will be fine. Mostly worried about the swelling."
"How long until the swelling goes down?" She needed as many details as she could muster.
"Not sure yet. It might pressure the spinal cord, but when it eases up it shouldn't cause problems."
"Except that it's gonna hurt like a mother…" she muttered.
"Oh yeah." He agreed.
"Keep me updated?" She asked.
"As long as you don't yell at me again." He said lightly.
"Sorry," Amanda said sheepishly.
"It's fine. We are all…"
"On edge." Amanda finished.
"Yeah."
"Okay well," Amanda glanced over to Liv who had stopped crying, and was watching intently. "I gotta go."
"See ya."
Amanda hung up the phone and dropped it in her pocket. Olivia's tear filled eyes watched her with anticipation. Amanda hurt just looking at her, and words evaded her, but Liv impatiently demanded, "What did he say?"
Amanda dropped onto the bed next to her. "He's alive." Amanda paused when Liv choked back a cry. Amanda immediately reached for her friend's hand. "The got to him sooner than they got to you so in some ways he's better off than you." Amanda tried a smile but she was sure it looked pathetic.
"But?" Perceptive as always, Liv knew, Amanda was holding something back.
Amanda sighed and leaned back into the recline of the hospital bed. "He's got some spinal swelling," she tried to rush the rest of the information out, hoping to curb Liv's impending panic. "It's temporary. His spinal cord is completely intact." Amanda's eyes darted over to Olivia, clocking her reaction. Calm, thank god. "One shot nicked a vertebrae in his lower back." Olivia looked like she might vomit, so Amanda rushed out more assurances. "He'll be fine. It's gonna hurt like hell, but they think he's going to recover fine."
Olivia had run an entire gamut of emotion in a matter of seconds, and Amanda wasn't sure how to soothe her emotional whiplash. She was her friend, a best friend, but she wasn't …. Stabler. Amanda knew Olivia well enough to know there was no adequate replacement for that man in her life. He could make her damn near crazy when he swung into her life, like a wrecking ball randomly weakening her carefully constructed emotional walls. He could make her crazy, but Amanda knew he was the only one who made Olivia feel…complete. He could create a storm in Olivia's life rivaling the most violent hurricanes, but he also provided an uncanny undercurrent of calm wherever he walked by her side. It was complicated. It was paradoxical. It was them.
Olivia slumped against Amanda's shoulder. "I want to see him," her voice remained calm, and Amanda knew Liv was beginning to ground herself.
"I'll see what I can do," Amanda had no clue how she would fulfill that request, but she would try.
-000-
"If I have to go down there…" Fin's threat hung heavily in the air. "I really don't care what information they are sharing or not. Find out somethin so we can move this mess along. I don't care if you need to bribe a goddamn lab tech, just get me somethin to work with!"
Ayanna watched as Fin hit the end call button aggressively. His eyes suddenly darted up when he realized he wasn't alone. "You didn't hear that right?" The man had substantially more experience on the job, and his two closest friends were bleeding in hospital beds. The man could bribe whoever the hell he wanted.
"Hear what?" She said casually as she dropped into the chair next to him.
He gave her a wry, sort of pleased smile before settling back into the uncomfortable hospital chair.
"Investigating unit not giving anything up?" Ayanna inferred from the tail end of the conversation.
"No. If Benson made the request, someone would be shitting their pants but…"
"I get it. A little ironic really."
"More like annoying," Fin grumbled.
"That too," Ayanna admitted. She glanced down the hall. "Maureen with him?"
"Yeah. They are waiting for him to wake up a little, then they'll get 'em over to ICU."
She was pleased Fin chose to wait it out with her in the hall. She knew he was itching to get back to his Captain, particularly with Elliot out of commission. It appeared Fin trusted very few people with the safety of his superior officer, and his close personal friend.
She suspected he stayed with her for two reasons, none of which had anything to do with her. First he stayed because Elliot was an old friend. He cared what happened to him, and wanted to be supportive of him and his family at this time. The second reason, she suspected, was the driving force behind his diligent waiting. He was there for Benson. If she couldn't be there for Stabler, then she knew he would do everything in his power to show up for her.
Ayanna knew Olivia Benson, mostly as a casual friend, but she was more familiar with the Olivia Benson of NYPD legend and rumor. One thing was certain, the woman had a knack for eliciting strong loyalty in the people she worked with. She was obviously a good person, and a kind empathetic human being. Incredible with victims, and a strong leader. And Stabler was the woman's goddamn kryptonite.
It's not that Elliot wasn't good. Elliot was a deeply complicated person, but he always fought doggedly for what he knew to be right. The problem was Elliot was messy. He could care less about the NYPD hierarchy and the politics of it all. He was reckless. He did what was necessary, often walking dangerously outside of the established boundaries of the job. He was allowed chances either Olivia nor Ayanna would have been allowed, and he squandered them without thinking twice. She swore half her job was keeping him from killing himself, and keeping him from blatantly giving the finger to 1PP.
The Benson-Stabler relationship seemed like a mismatch of epic proportions. It was like some sort of ticking time bomb. He could get Benson to agree to things she would never trust another person with, and that power…it could be dangerous for Elliot and it could effectively demolish her career.
And maybe that was why she had established such strict instructions over his outside contact on the UC gig. She sensed that the pair was on the precipice of something when his assignment came along, and he insisted on taking it. She knew that if they started something while he was under, it could be incredibly dangerous for both of them.
And now they both lay in the hospital with near fatal gunshot wounds. She felt a little justified in her concern.
"They match bullet striations yet?" Ayanna asked.
"That's what I'm tryin to get Velasco to get on. Problem is he's gotta get Churlish doin busy work so if he pushes boundaries she won't tattle."
"Ah. Black and white thinker?" Ayanna knew the type.
"Uh yeah. Good in some ways…" Fin's thought drifted off.
"But not always useful in our line of work," Ayanna thought out loud.
"Exactly." Fin agreed.
She was about to bring up some thoughts she had on the situation, and Liv and Elliot, but Elliot's daughter appeared down the hall and Ayanna hurried to her feet.
"He's awake," she said, the relief in her voice evident. Ayanna wondered how many calls this woman had gotten that were like this one. How many times she wondered if her surviving parent would make it to the next day. Ayanna only knew about some of them…
"Thank god," Ayanna breathed.
Maureen nodded, but added, "It's weird though. He's pretty out of it. He keeps…" the woman bit her lip, her nerves evident. "He keeps calling me by my moms name. He keeps asking why I'm there…"
That had to be a little disconcerting.
Fin quickly jumped in to reassure her. "It's probably the meds. Give him a little. It's kinda normal for his brain to be a little scrambled after somethin like this."
"Yeah," Maureen agreed noncommittally. "He started saying a bunch of stuff…stuff I … I don't think he would want me to know I think…"
Probably about Liv. She wasn't sure what he could have said to make her squirm so much. It wasn't like he was going to confess his undying love for his partner to the apparition of his dead wife…right?
"I… I didn't want him to feel weird about it later so I stepped out. Told him someone wanted to see him." Her eyes shifted to Fin. "I told him an old friend wanted to talk to him."
Ayanna held back a snort, knowing that Fin wouldn't love the comment on his senior status, but he handled it all with grace. Obviously, the situation warranted it.
"Yeah I got 'em." Fin hesitated, and he glanced toward the elevator, no doubt worried about his friend on the ICU floor. "Do you need to get back to anythin?" He asked cooly.
"No," she answered cautiously. "Kathleen has my boys for now. She wants to swap soon, but I can stay if I need to…" she seemed nervous. Like she almost anticipated the request.
"I got one of Liv's former detectives with 'er now, but…" he seemed to understand the complex emotional nature of his request with his hesitation. "She's got a new baby and she's gotta get home. I was gonna sit with her, but…"
"Dad wants to see you." Ayanna could almost see Maureen cursing a little in her head. There had to be some complicated feelings there.
"Yeah…"Fin tried to soften the request. "She's sleepin a lot. She'll probably stay asleep," Fin obviously didn't want her to spend even a minute alone. "I'll try to keep it short with your dad" Fin promised.
Maureen shifted in complete discomfort, but agreed to the request. Ayanna had only met the Stabler children on a few occasions and never all together. Maureen seemed pretty reserved…and looked exactly like her mother. The whole thing felt a little like a ticking time bomb. Ayanna realized she could diffuse the situation. She didn't need to see Elliot right away.
"It's okay, Maureen should go back to the boys. I'll sit with Liv," Ayanna dropped in.
Maureen stood back, but surprised them both when she said, "No I'll go. I, uh, I haven't talked to Olivia in a while, and um…" Maureen was bleeding discomfort. "I think Dad would want me…to stay with her."
Brave girl, Ayanna thought. Honestly, Elliot probably wouldn't care who jumped in, as long as Liv wasn't alone, but Maureen looked like she had something to prove so Ayanna stepped back. "I need to check in with the office," her eyes flit to Maureen. "If you need to leave before Fin finishes up, call."
Maureen nodded.
The tension was palpable, but the trio awkwardly split without a word. Ayanna wondered what sorts of uncomfortable conversations were about to take place.