Disclaimer: SVU and all of its characters were created by and are the property of Dick Wolf. I make no profit with this story, which is my own original work.

Olivia opened her eyes, unsure as to what exactly had woken her. Belatedly, she realized it was only the blood pressure cuff on her arm automatically inflating. The darkness in the room indicated it was nighttime, and while she missed her partner's presence, she was relieved that Elliot had actually listened and gone home for the night to get some rest of his own. At least, Olivia hoped that was the case, and that he wasn't camped out in the waiting room or somewhere else in the hospital, but from what little she remembered as he had left earlier, he had seemed genuine in his promise about not coming back until morning.

Even though Elliot had explained to the best of his ability what had happened, the current situation seemed so surreal. Part of Olivia remained convinced that this was all just some nightmare that she would eventually wake up from – but then again, she had been feeling the same way ever since Calvin had been taken from her, too. Losing that boy hadn't been a nightmare, so chances were high that this wasn't either.

The other thing that Olivia became cognizant of was that the constricting mask she remembered from earlier in the day was back over her mouth and nose. While she wasn't particularly fond of either assistive device, Olivia infinitely preferred the nasal cannula to this current machine. But she figured that the doctors must have deemed it necessary, or else the decision wouldn't have been made to revert back to the former method.

"I need you to try and take some deep breaths for me, Detective. Your oxygen levels keep dropping. We're adjusting the pressure on your mask, but if it doesn't improve, we might need to intubate."

Though she could barely keep her eyes open for more than a minute at a time, Olivia had heard the nurse's words loud and clear. The warning wasn't meant to frighten, but a matter of fact given her current health status. Just hearing that intubation was a possibility was enough for Olivia to try her hardest to regain her focus. She'd not had the opportunity to discuss things with Elliot, but the last thing she wanted right now was to wind up on a ventilator. Not only was the prospect terrifying, but Olivia couldn't imagine what kind of effect that would have on her partner. She didn't want that for him, and it was that notion – even more than the idea of fighting for her own benefit – that gave her the strength to follow the nurse's instruction.

"That's better, Detective. Your numbers are already improving. Try and get more sleep if you can, your body needs the rest."

Olivia had barely heard the nurse's spoken directive, slowly succumbing to the overwhelming fatigue that held her body prisoner. In the far corners of her mind, there was a small part of her psyche that wanted to register a complaint about her current situation, but when it came down to it, she was just too exhausted to care. Though she wasn't experiencing any physical pain, the rest of her felt as if she'd been hit by one of the many metro buses that traveled throughout the city. Even during her worst bout with flu, it had never felt like this. With her last conscious thought, Olivia reminded herself that come tomorrow, she would need to apologize to her partner again for all the trouble she was currently causing in his life.

The next time Olivia was aware of her surroundings, it was daylight again. Not only had Elliot resumed his post by her bedside, but the mask over her face had again been replaced by the nasal cannula, providing her body with the necessary supplemental oxygen. Although there was a part of Olivia's mind that wanted to rebuke her own foolishness, she couldn't deny how grateful she was to see that her partner had kept his word and returned to his vigil. The prospect of being alone right now was more terrifying to Olivia than anything that was happening to her medically.

One of the other things that Olivia noticed, even in her disoriented state, were the dark circles under Elliot's eyes. Her partner may have gone home for the night, but he certainly hadn't slept. She was wanting to call him out on it, but Olivia had other, more important questions on her mind.

"Have you heard anything from the doctors?"

Elliot, who hadn't even noticed Olivia was in fact awake, turned his head in surprise. He'd been lost in his own wandering mind, and was immediately berating himself for not having been more aware.

"No, Liv. That's why I came in so early this morning. I was hoping to be here when they did rounds, just in case you weren't awake and alert."

"Thank you."

While Olivia wouldn't necessarily refer to herself as 'alert' right now, she was, in fact, awake. That being said, she was also the most lucid that she'd been in the last twenty four hours, so she supposed she should be grateful for small improvements. What it didn't change was the fact that her mouth and lips were incredibly dry, and all she wanted in the world was a drink of water. However, the one thing Olivia had remembered from the day before was that she wasn't permitted anything by mouth for the time being, so quenching her thirst would have to wait.

Despite her efforts to stay awake, Olivia drifted in and out of consciousness for the majority of the morning. She couldn't ever remember feeling this exhausted before in her life, that no matter how hard she tried, her eyes just wouldn't stay open. It was as if her body had taken on a will entirely of its own, even if that meant that particular will was to do nothing at all. Somewhere in the recesses of Olivia's mind, it occurred to her that she should apologize to Elliot for being such poor company, but she couldn't make her mouth form the words. Instead, Olivia let herself surrender to sleep, only vaguely aware of another hand gently cradling her own.

"Liv. I'm sorry to bother you, but the doctor is here."

Elliot's voice beckoned Olivia back to the present, and she struggled to fight her way back to him. After more than a few attempts, she was able to open her eyes, focusing first on her partner on the one side of her bed, then drifting to the individual in a white coat on the other. Though she knew she had no cause for embarrassment, Olivia felt her cheeks flush with shame nonetheless, as this wasn't how she was accustomed to meeting new people. Typically, when she encountered doctors in her line of work, it was as a Detective asking questions about the condition of a survivor they needed to interview, not as a patient herself.

"Good morning, Doctor. Forgive me for not getting up."

With great skill, Elliot hid his laugh behind a cough. Though the words had been unexpected, it did his own heart good to know that however ill she may currently be, there was a part of Olivia's humor that was still intact. Even if that meant she was already deflecting as a means of avoiding the truth about her current situation. While it was true that he had filled her in to the best of his ability the day before, Elliot doubted that Olivia remembered much, if anything about what had been said.

"Not at all, Detective. My name is Kennedy Campbell, and I am one of the cardiologists on your care team. I thought if you were feeling up to it, we could discuss some of your health issues that brought you into the hospital?"

Unable to speak in long sentences without getting winded or wearing herself out, Olivia could only nod her consent. Even though she knew this woman had no intention of causing her harm, Olivia still viewed the new individual warily. It was only with what happened next that allowed the brunette detective to drop her guard somewhat.

"Before we begin, do I have your permission to speak freely, or would you rather we have this conversation in private?"

Although it was more than obvious that her fatigue was great and her faculties somewhat limited due to the extend of her current illness, Olivia was nonetheless impressed that Dr. Campbell had chosen to address her personally. It was as though Elliot hadn't even been in the room. But Olivia valued her partner's opinion a great deal, and that mattered not only on her best of days, but especially now that she was at her worst. She needed him to hear this, in case a decision had to be made that she couldn't figure out on her own. As much as she hated to put that kind of a weight on Elliot's shoulders, there was no one else she trusted more with her life.

"I want him to stay."

It was at this point that Elliot, ever observant of Olivia and when she needed him to step in, took the opportunity to introduce himself to Dr. Campbell not only as her partner, but her medical proxy as well. After a few basic pleasantries, the physician pulled a rolling stool up to the bed. This put her on a more even eye level with her patient, making it easier to deliver an explanation.

Olivia tried her best to listen and concentrate on what Dr. Campbell was telling her, but it all seemed so overwhelming. Without even realizing what she was doing, she found herself reaching for Elliot's hand, needing that added reassurance. Her partner couldn't make her better, but there was something about his presence that could ground her like nothing else ever would.

Eventually, all the words began to swim together and blur into one long run-on sentence that Olivia couldn't ever hope translate. One thing she did understand was that additional testing would be done later that day, in the form of an echocardiogram on her heart. About the only consolation to that was that she wasn't expected to go anywhere – instead, someone would be coming to her. Olivia supposed that was one of the 'benefits' to being a patient in the intensive care unit, if such a thing actually existed.

Not long after the doctor left, a nurse came in, when Olivia was finally able to ask the question that had been on her mind since early that morning – was she permitted to have anything to drink yet? Frustration ensued when the answer was still determined to be no. But there was still a chance for hope – as that outcome could change once she was seen by the nephrologist. Pretending that she knew what the nurse was referring to, Olivia could only smile and nod, and then she once again gratefully accepted the offer of more oral sponges to swab her chapped lips and dry mouth. It was only when she and Elliot were once again alone that she began to interrogate her partner.

"El? I realize you probably told me all of this yesterday, but explain to me again – why exactly am I here?"

"What is it you need to know Liv?"

"You can start by telling me why one of my doctors specializes in the treatment of kidneys, and you better follow it up with reassurance that I won't be getting one of yours. I know by now you've probably read the letter. Don't you even think of breaking that promise to me, Stabler."

In the seconds following Olivia's declaration – a response that reminded Elliot that although his partner was still very weak, she nonetheless possessed the same amount of vehemence to her voice to appear threatening – there was an uncomfortable silence as he tried to figure out what to say. This wasn't how he'd anticipated the discussion about the letter to go. Then again, there really wasn't exactly a proper format for how conversations involving letters about emergency and extreme medical care for your partner were supposed to go. Not for the first time, Elliot found himself wishing that he and Olivia hadn't ignored talking about the more complicated things. But he supposed they had both wanted to pretend that nothing bad could happen – not only to themselves, but to each other.

They couldn't ignore it any longer, though. Reality was staring them in the face, and while it was true that Olivia was the one experiencing this illness first hand, it was affecting Elliot as well. He had been not only a witness to his partner's gradual decline, but the more immediate and drastic crisis that had occurred only a little over twenty four hours ago. The concept of the time frame was still a difficult thing for Elliot to grasp, and he could only imagine that if he felt disoriented by it, then it must be ten times worse for Olivia. It was she who had barely been conscious upon their arrival to the emergency room the morning before, and she was the one who could hardly stay awake for thirty minutes at a time. No, as far as Elliot saw things, he had no right to complain.

Elliot readjusted himself in his seat and cleared his throat, having finally decided how to broach the delicate topic of the letter. But, when he glanced back toward the bed, he saw that Olivia's eyes were closed, her chest rising and falling at an even pace. No doubt the doctor's visit had exhausted what limited energy reserves she possessed, and sleep had claimed her once more. Not wanting to disturb the rest she so obviously needed, Elliot instead chose to carefully tuck the tubing from the oxygen cannula back behind his partner's ear from where it had come loose, then sat back in his chair and tried to be as still as possible so as not to disturb her.

Elliot had been sitting quietly with a sleeping Olivia for only a few minutes when a nurse came into the room. At first, he was cursing the interruption, but then he realized that the woman in scrubs wasn't wearing the protective gear that had been introduced the day before. Curious, Elliot waited for an explanation, hoping that after all the bad news she'd had to deal with so far – even if she may not fully be aware of it herself yet – Olivia may have finally caught a break.

"The additional labs we ran on Detective Benson have come back, and we have successfully managed to rule out influenza as an underlying cause for her illness. You will no longer be required to wear the mask and gown when visiting her."

Elliot's relief was obvious, but he couldn't let himself get swept up in the emotion entirely. While it was true that one possible complication had been eliminated as a possibility, Olivia's current health was still in a precarious state.

"Not that I'm not relieved to hear this news, I think it's fantastic. The last thing Liv needs to deal with on top of everything else right now is the flu. But it just feels like such a small victory in the grand scheme of things, you know? She's still in intensive care, and we still don't know what the lasting damage will be."

Even though he had been talking more to himself than the nurse, the woman was nonetheless sympathetic to his feelings. Years of working in the intensive care unit had taught her that sometimes this stage of treatment was often more difficult on the loved ones than the patients themselves. While it was true that the people in the actual hospital bed were the ones living the ordeal, their memories of the experience were often limited. It was the families and friends who sat by their sides day after day who retained the memories of seeing someone they cared for so deeply in such a delicate state.

"I know you're worried about your partner, but I promise you we are doing everything we can to ensure she is getting the best treatment possible. One of the most important things you can do for her now is to keep taking care of yourself, because she's going to need your support as she recovers."

Elliot fought the battle with his emotions. It was as if this woman had read his mind, an ability he thought only Olivia possessed. As much as he hated to admit it, she was right – he did need to take care of himself. He'd barely slept the night before, and had skipped breakfast in his haste to make it to the hospital so he'd be here before the doctors made their morning rounds. By that theory alone, he was already failing his partner, and he couldn't keep doing that.

"You're right. I think I'll slip out for a few minutes while she's sleeping, grab myself a cup of coffee and something to eat. Do you know when the nephrologist will be in? I'd hate to miss the doctor's visit."

"As long as you don't take too long, I think you'll be just fine. Typically the physicians with Dr. Abrhams medical group tend to come in a little later in the morning, after checking in on the patients receiving inpatient dialysis."

Dialysis. That one word was like a punch to Elliot's gut, and any fledgling appetite that he may have wanted to appease disappeared in an instant. Was that what Olivia's future would be like? A lifetime hooked up to a machine that filtered her blood because her kidneys could no longer work properly on their own? There were so many questions swimming around in his mind right now, and Elliot was desperate for answers, but at the same time, afraid to put voice to his fears, because that would only make them more real.

Somehow, Elliot managed to finish the conversation with the nurse, though he couldn't remember what he said or why. Afterwards, it took every ounce of his willpower to leave the room, and it was only once he'd confirmed that Olivia was still sleeping peacefully that he'd been able to force himself to leave. With a promise that he would only be gone for the minimal amount of time necessary to use the restroom, grab a cup of coffee, and maybe a light bite to eat – even though he honestly didn't think he was hungry, Elliot knew he'd do Olivia no good if he were to pass out should his blood sugar drop from lack of food – then he would be right back where he belonged.

Keeping true to his promise to himself – and the unspoken one he'd made to Olivia – Elliot hadn't stayed away for very long. He'd only remained in the cafeteria long enough to consume a breakfast sandwich and drink a cup of coffee. He did, however, make one detour on his way back to his partner's room, and that was to the gift shop. Knowing instinctively that flowers would be unwelcome in the more sterile environment of the intensive care unit, Elliot instead opted to purchase a solitary balloon emblazoned with the words 'Get Well Soon' in bright lettering. To accompany the helium filled shaped heart made from Mylar, he had also selected a small teddy bear. While Elliot was aware that Olivia typically didn't favor plush creatures, this particular stuffed animal had appealed to both his sensitive and humorous sides, and he knew his partner would appreciate it as well. Because, in addition to being dressed in a scaled down replica of a hospital gown, the bear in question also had an ID bracelet around one arm that read 'model patient'. Elliot was certain the gift would quickly become an inside joke between himself and his partner – or at least he hoped it would.

When Elliot did make it back to Olivia's floor, the privacy curtain was drawn, blocking the glass partition that was typically the entryway to the room. His initial fear was that he had somehow missed the arrival of one of the nephrologists from Dr. Abrham's medical group, but Elliot immediately dismissed that concern from his mind. He also tamped down the urge to panic, as there was no real sense of urgency anywhere on the floor. Whatever was going on behind that curtain, it was obviously due to something that demanded a need to protect Olivia's modesty, and the last thing he wanted to do was intrude. Not wanting to linger awkwardly, Elliot retraced his steps until he reached the visitor's lounge, opting to wait there instead so it wouldn't seem like he was lurking in the hallway.

After approximately ten minutes had passed - during which Elliot had attempted to concentrate on the talk show that had been playing on the visitor's lounge television screen but failed miserably – he decided to check on Olivia again. This time, when Elliot looked in on his partner, the entrance to the room was clear. Olivia's eyes were closed, but she opened them when she heard his footsteps approaching the bed, a wan smile gracing her features.

"Back again?"

"I wasn't gone that long, Liv. I told you, I want to be here when the doctors are."

"I know I should yell at you for that, and force you to leave, but if I'm being honest, I'm really glad you're here."

If her situation weren't so serious, Elliot might have laughed at the idea of Olivia trying to threaten him right now. Given the fact that she currently possessed all the strength of a newborn kitten, the thought of her forcing him to do anything he didn't want to was laughable indeed. Not that he wouldn't respect her wishes – no, that would always remain his number one priority. Right after ensuring that his partner was getting the best medical care possible. Yes, it was true that the letter he'd read the day before had cautioned him not to live at the hospital if and when Olivia were to ever become a patient, but Elliot still really didn't think that this situation counted as of yet. It was only day two. At the very least, he was going to be visiting daily until she was out of immediate danger and no longer in the intensive care unit. Not that all of his worries would automatically evaporate into thin air when that happened, but at the very least, he'd at least be able to breathe a little bit easier.

"I'm not going anywhere anytime soon, Olivia. Consider yourself stuck with me."

"I've been stuck with you for the last thirteen years. Contrary to what you may believe, that hasn't always been a bad thing. In fact, I've gotten quite used to it. Guess that means you're stuck with me, too."

"I wouldn't have it any other way."

It was at this point that Olivia finally noticed that her partner's hands weren't empty. Apparently, he had been up to more than just filling his stomach while he was off on his little adventure to the cafeteria when he'd disappeared not long ago. Not wanting to divulge her own humiliation that had occurred and the resulting help she'd had to receive from one of the nurses before he'd returned, Olivia gladly welcomed the change of topic so they could talk about anything other than her.

"What's that you're holding?"

"This? Nothing. Just some presents to cheer you up."

"Don't just stand there, let me see."

Elliot rested the weighted balloon on Olivia's bed, and watched as she curled her fingers around the ribbon to pull it close enough until the message became easily visible. Then, with great fanfare, he presented her with the teddy bear, a moment that earned him the first honest to goodness laugh he'd heard from his partner in months. At first Elliot wasn't certain what had prompted the reaction; sure the bear was cute, but what was the source of amusement? Then he saw what he had previously missed – the furry bear butt cheeks that were peeking out in the rear of the hospital gown where it was tied together in the back. Apparently even plush animals couldn't be guaranteed to having their modesty preserved when it came to wearing those drafty garments. They may have their practicality when it came to a medicinal and treatment standpoint, but a fashion statement they were not.

"Thanks, El. I love them."

"You're welcome. I wanted to get you some flowers, too, but I know they don't allow them up here. Let's just say I owe you one, okay?"

"Please don't. You know my track record when it comes to things like that. You'd just be setting them up to meet their eventual doom. No flower deserves that."

Elliot knew that Olivia wasn't trying to be ungrateful, merely making her point. It was true. In all the years he'd known her, she'd never once succeeded in keeping a houseplant alive. As an idea occurred to him, a mischievous grin spread across his face, and he couldn't resist the urge to tease.

"What about if I get you a cactus instead? They typically just need exposure to sunlight, and can go without water for long periods of time. That sounds right up your alley."

"Only if you want to end up with a cactus where the sun doesn't shine."

Unable to stop himself, Elliot laughed out loud, but still managed to keep his voice at a proper decibel level in deference to their current environment. Placing the balloon and teddy bear on Olivia's bedside tray where they would be within easy view, he took his place beside his partner, and reached for her hand once more. Before he could grasp Olivia's fingers in his own, though, a knock on the glass partition interrupted them, and then there was a new white-coated individual in the room. With a glance at one another, Elliot and Olivia realized that it was time to meet Dr. Abrhams.

"Good morning, Detective Benson. I'd ask how you are feeling, but considering you are in the hospital, my guess is that the answer to that would be anything but good."

While he couldn't speak for Olivia, Elliot's immediate first impressions of Dr. Abrhams were favorable. The man had a bedside manner that just seemed to put people at ease, even given the seriousness of the situation.

"What have you been told so far about your current condition, Detective?"

"Call me Olivia, please. Elliot has tried to explain to me as best he could about what happened yesterday, and then Dr. Campbell was in earlier this morning. It's still all very overwhelming and difficult to process. I keep thinking I'm going to wake up and this will all have been a nightmare."

Sitting in the same stool that Dr. Campbell had occupied earlier, Dr. Abrhams rolled closer to Olivia's side. When he spoke next, his tone of voice was comforting without being placating.

"I can only imagine how frightening this experience must be for you. If you'll allow me to go over what we've learned so far from your exams and test results, I'll be happy to answer any questions that you have – and that goes for either of you."

Olivia nodded her consent, unconsciously reaching her hand out toward Elliot for support, which he took in his own without hesitation. Together, the pair listened patiently as Dr. Abrhams detailed Olivia's health crisis from the past two days in jargon that was foreign but nonetheless incredibly frightening. On occasion, words that were vaguely familiar – like creatinine or protein – but the relationship to their presence in blood or urine samples was not. While there was some confusion on behalf of the detectives, for the medical professionals who had been and were currently treating Olivia, the picture was all too clear – the numbers indicative of her kidney function were extremely high, leaving no doubt to the fact that she was in acute kidney failure.

The main concern, however, had been Olivia's heart. Considering the fact that when she first arrived at the emergency room, she had presented with multiple health issues all in need of immediate attention, it had become a matter of triage. Treat the most extreme and life threatening first, then prioritize from there. Now that her heart rate had stabilized, and her oxygen levels were rising and evening out, they could begin to focus on the other problems that had brought her into the hospital in the first place.

"That is a lot to take in, I don't have any questions right now, though I'm sure I'll probably think of at least a dozen after you leave."

"If that happens, just let your nurse know. They can reach me if I'm still on call here at the hospital, or get in touch with someone else in my office."

Though he had been silent throughout the whole exchange, Elliot picked this moment to speak up. He purposely avoided making any eye contact with Olivia, because he already knew instinctively that she was going to object with what he had to say, but in his mind, it was a question worthy of asking.

"Doctor, if I may – if Olivia's condition is so critical, may I ask why it is necessary to wait before pursuing a more aggressive treatment for her kidneys? Would she be a candidate for a transplant? We're the same blood type, I'd be happy to -"

"NO, Elliot."

Olivia hadn't even let Elliot finish his sentence before interrupting. As though he had sensed the tension in the room between the two partners, and not wanting his patient to feel any unnecessary stress when she was already recovering from having been through the ringer, Dr. Abrhams rushed to interject on the subject, and hoped he could ease some of the fears from Olivia's male counterpart in the process.

"Don't get me wrong, treating Olivia's kidneys is absolutely a priority. However, I want to assure you both that despite the seriousness of the situation, a transplant may not ever be necessary. Once Olivia is discharged from the Intensive Care Unit to a regular room on a general medical floor, our plan is to get her started on dialysis treatments. The hope with that is, after enough treatments – and with the aid of a proper diet – her kidneys will return to normal function all on their own."

As the words reached his ears, Elliot belatedly recalled having heard them somewhere before, though he hadn't processed them at the time. Then, it had been from Dr. Beresford, and while he trusted the emergency room physician completely, hearing the same reassurances from a specialist went a long way in easing his anxieties. Even so, Elliot didn't think he'd ever completely relax until Olivia was given a clean bill of health, but he could at least pretend for her sake until that happened.

Before Dr. Abrhams had left her room, Olivia had ended up finding one question for the man, and that was when she would be allowed to have something to drink. She supposed most people would be worried about when they would get something to eat, but her appetite was the least of her concerns. To be honest, she didn't think she could keep anything down even if she tried. She didn't necessarily feel sick, it was more the memory of what had happened the last time she had attempted to eat anything. Even if the events weren't related, her brain still connected the two.

While Olivia hadn't gotten the answer that she wanted – the nephrologist had told her that due to her kidney failure, her fluid intake needed to be strictly limited – he had consented to allow her to have a small amount of ice chips per day, to help moisten her dry mouth and soothe the slight sore throat she was developing from the constant supply of oxygen. It wasn't great, but it would be better than nothing, and after the doctor had departed, Elliot had immediately hurried off to the nurses station to procure her a cup of ice and a spoon.

When it came time to actually allow the first few crystals of ice to dissolve on her tongue, Olivia ran into a problem she hadn't anticipated. She was still so weak, she could barely hold the spoon without spilling the contents on herself and losing ice down the front of her gown. Had it been anyone other than her partner who had offered to help, her pride would have insisted she refuse on principle alone, but because it was Elliot, and because she had known him for over thirteen years, Olivia allowed herself to be vulnerable. After all, this was the same man who had not only had her back in the field for more than a decade, but he was quite literally the reason she was still alive. Though the words themselves hadn't been said, Olivia's brain was coherent enough to piece together that if Elliot hadn't been at her apartment the other day when she'd taken ill, it was very likely that she might not have survived.

Using care not to take in too much at once, only enough to reduce that feeling of being parched, Olivia rested her head back against the pillows. Despite her efforts to keep it from happening, a lone tear escaped and trailed down her face, disappearing into her hairline beside her ear. She hoped it would have gone unnoticed, but ever observant, Elliot had picked up on it immediately.

"What is it, Liv? Is it about what I said earlier? I'm sorry if I upset you, but -"

Olivia shook her head, and the look in her eyes was enough to make him stop mid sentence.

"That's not it, though I am upset with you for that. It's something we need to talk about, sometime when I feel like I can stay awake for more than ten minutes."

"What's bothering you then?"

Olivia gnawed on her lower lip, worry evident in her expression.

"What if I can't be a cop anymore after this? What if I have to retire? If that's the case, then, I think I'd have rather have not survived at all. It's one thing to think you're going to go down on the job, but to go out like this – because my own body turned against me? That would be so humiliating."

"It's not your fault, Liv, and no one is saying anything about retirement. Are you going to need some time off to rest and recover? Of course. But I believe in you, and I believe you're going to beat this and be back better than ever."

The tears Olivia had tried to hide only moments before were falling in earnest now. Though she was somewhat embarrassed by the show of emotion, it was a greater effort to just allow herself to cry, because she knew that if she tried to suppress it, it would only make it harder to breathe. The last thing she wanted was to have that mask back over her face.

"I miss him so much, El."

There was no need for Olivia to clarify. Elliot knew exactly who she was talking about, and his heart ached to see her in pain like this. To know that her suffering had been so great that it manifested into something physical was something that he'd never be able to forget, and in the back of his mind he found himself cursing Vivian Arliss for allowing her anger to punish not only her own son, but a woman who had cared for him. Even so, he couldn't help but wonder if the two had been in contact.

"I know when Calvin was taken away that social services declared that a clean break would be best, but have you heard from him at all?"

Olivia nodded, a flicker of a smile appearing for about half a second or so before fading away again.

"Calvin writes me sometimes, tells me how he's doing. I can't write back though, and I hate it. He's so unhappy there, El. His grandparents aren't mean to him or anything, but they are trying to make him into something he's not. Its like they see him as a do-over kid instead of his own person."

"I'm sorry, Olivia."

"It's not your fault."

Elliot leaned over the bed, placing a kiss on his partner's forehead.

"It's not your fault either. But you're not in this alone anymore. I've been too wrapped up in my own shit to realize just how much you needed me, and I'm not making that mistake again."

"El, you have your own life -"

"Yes, and you're a big part of it. I have every intention of seeing you stay that way. So, we're going to get you better and feeling like yourself again – no matter how long it takes. Deal?"

"Deal."

Olivia's words were barely a whisper as she was drifting off to sleep again, so she didn't hear Elliot's mumbled promise – more to himself than anyone else. It didn't matter how quiet his vow had been, though, it was one he was determined to make happen.

"You will get better, Liv, I promise. And when you are, I'm going to fight like hell to make that sure you and Calvin are reunited."