AN: Here's the next chapter. You're probably sick of hearing this by now, but this grew long enough that I split it into two. I felt that just one chapter wouldn't be enough for Sasha's perspective.
Some of this chapter is inspired by Sasha's chapter in Fallen Brides.
How… How has it come to this?
Such thoughts ran through Sasha's mind ceaselessly.
It would be easy to dismiss this as some bizarre dream. Certainly, many of the recent events didn't seem possible in reality.
But the pink-feathered wings, and the pink tail with a heart-shaped tip, weren't part of any dream.
Sasha clutched one of these wings. Like the first dozen times she'd tried this, she felt just as much stimulation as if she touched any other part of her body. She could even feel body heat and the gentle pulse of flowing blood.
Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. Sasha hesitated for a moment before saying "Come in".
Elt entered the room. He was trying to keep a calm expression, no doubt for the sake of the other orphans, but his unease was clear from the slight tremble in his fingers. And he still looked at Sasha with concern in his eyes, rather than fear of a monster. For that she was grateful.
"There's still no word of Primera coming back," Elt said.
"I didn't expect any at this stage, but…" Sasha said. "Hopefully her mission goes as planned…"
Elt sat down on the bed next to Sasha, causing her to gulp nervously. She normally wouldn't mind such a thing, but in her current state…
"Just how did this happen to you, Sasha?" Elt asked. "You explained some of it before, but it was a bit…"
"Lacking in detail?" Sasha finished. "I'm sorry, I was quite… unsettled at the time. But now, I can be more thorough…"
-ooo-
For the adult residents of the Fullmoon Church, the four days since Druella's appearance had been a whirlwind of activity.
Elt had gone to Mersé to explain what had happened and secure her aid, then gone to none other than Wilmarina Noscrim to secure her aid as well. The latter had been a very risky move, one that Sasha and Primera had tried to dissuade him from, but it had worked. Afterwards, he spent his days training hard under Mersé, both to keep up appearances and also to become as strong as possible before the monsters arrived.
Primera spent most of her days patrolling the capital of Lescatie and its immediate outskirts for any more signs of monster infiltration. There was no guarantee of success—Primera hadn't noticed Druella's true identity until she revealed it herself—but it was better than doing nothing.
Sasha herself had, on the first day, tried communicating with one of her few monster contacts, a harpy by the name of Fiora. She'd dropped off a letter in the hollow of a certain tree outside the capital, which Fiora checked on an irregular basis. Using this method, Sasha had previously leaked information on Lescatie's raids so that monsters could evacuate in time.
On the third day, while taking Primera and Elt with her to see the monster orphanage, she'd checked that same tree hollow. She hadn't expected a response so soon, yet one was waiting for her.
"Thanks for reaching out, Sasha!" Fiora had said in the letter. The harpy's handwriting was surprisingly neat for someone with no hands. "I almost wanted to try and contact you myself, but Princess Druella said I should be careful. Anyway, I can say there's nothing for you to worry about! We're just here to help clean up Lescatie's mess. You don't have to work yourself so hard anymore!"
Sasha had shown that letter to both of her companions. Obviously, none of them had been willing to just take it at face value. It was one thing to help innocent monsters stay safe from Lescatie's depredations, as Sasha had been doing for the past few months. It was another thing entirely to help monsters take over the country they'd been raised and—in two cases—born in.
Elt knew of these events already, but what he didn't know was that Sasha had disobeyed her harpy acquaintance's advice.
-ooo-
Whenever she had a moment to spare, Sasha reached out to various acquaintances within Lescatie: other heroes, nobles, priests, knights and many others. Mostly via sending letters, but she visited a few of the relatively close ones in person. She'd wanted to discreetly prepare them for the unprecedented threat of a lilim.
These efforts… hadn't gone well at all.
"The monsters are a grave threat indeed… Hero Sasha, we could best plan our defences if you joined us at tomorrow's dinner…"
"There's little chance that Lescatie will fall to a few monsters, but I understand your worries. Perhaps if you went to the next Senate meeting to raise this issue..."
"My son Marcos is one of Lescatie's foremost knights. If you spoke with him, I'm sure the two of you could keep our proud nation safe…"
Two-thirds of Sasha's acquaintances didn't take the threat seriously, instead focusing on how to maintain or improve their current standing within Lescatie. Having a veteran hero, one yet to align with any faction, to their side was their true goal. The remaining third did seem to consider the monsters a threat, but it just wasn't enough.
Even if all of Lescatie was united… already a miraculous event… would we stand a chance against a force led by a lilim?
What should I do, Chief God?
But the Chief God did not answer. She hadn't answered Sasha's prayers for a very, very long time.
It's only natural… that you won't answer a heretic like me. But please… for the sake of the children… for the sake of everyone in Lescatie… please guide us on a path where we can all happy.
-ooo-
As Sasha kept these thoughts to herself, the days continued to pass.
On the fourth day, Elt left for his usual business. Primera would have left soon after had it not been for Elt coming back at a run.
"P-Primera!" Elt gasped. "It's… they just…"
"Hey, calm down and breathe properly!" Primera said. "What's happened?"
"There's… There's a mission for you, Primera," Elt said. "I just heard… they're sending out people to scout the monsters, and… and they want you to go with them!"
That news caused even the youngest of the orphans to gasp in surprise. They might not know much, but they still knew of the danger of monsters. And the three adults present knew this mission was far, far more dangerous than usual… yet that didn't mean it could be refused.
"...I'll go," Primera said. "We won't get anywhere without knowing more about the monsters."
Left unspoken, yet obvious to Sasha and Elt, was that it wouldn't be any more dangerous for Primera than her previous encounter with a lilim.
"I'll go too," Elt said. "I can't leave you alone out there—"
"As if, idiot," Primera said, putting a finger on Elt's forehead to push him slightly back. "You'd just hold me back. And I'm sure you haven't been ordered to go with me."
Elt grit his teeth. "I didn't… but… Primera…"
"I'll fine," Primera said. "There'll be other people going with me, right?"
"Yes… there's Captain Mersé and some of the experienced soldiers…"
Based on the tone of Elt's voice, it was clear that he sorely wished he could be among those soldiers. Sasha suspected that Mersé had intentionally kept him back for his own protection… even if it was against his wishes. She could be cruel when it was for the sake of those under her care.
In the end, Primera had left for her assigned mission. The orphans gave her a few good luck charms made from colourful string, pebbles and other materials lying around. Although the half-elf kept a straight face while accepting these gifts, she had a distinct spring in her step as she left.
Elt couldn't hide the frown on his face as he saw Primera off. "It feels… wrong to stay here and let her take the risk," he said.
"This is for the best," Sasha said. "Though… if you could watch over this church in the meantime, I might be able to volunteer for that reconnaissance mission as well."
These words made Elt look conflicted. On the one hand, he'd be able to rest a little easier knowing that Sasha was there with Primera. On the other hand, even more of the people he treasured would be exposed to danger.
"...No, that's fine," Elt said. He bit his thumbnail nervously. "But if I could stay here to help you out… but then, the captain said that everyone should keep training while she was away..."
"I think you should go to your training as usual," Sasha said. "That's also an important duty, Elt."
After a few moments, Elt nodded and left. No doubt he would train twice as hard as usual today, hoping to reach a point where he could act as support for heroes.
-ooo-
For the rest of the fourth day, Sasha tended to the church.
In the morning, she led a service where almost hundred people came to the church for prayers and—where necessary—healing. Truth be told, some of them probably didn't care for the Chief God, but Sasha's healing magic was something the slum-dwellers could never obtain anywhere else.
Before and after the morning service, Sasha oversaw the orphans as they did various tasks: caring for the younger orphans, mending clothes, cleaning the church and managing the church's worm farm.
That last one would have aroused disgust among the higher ranks of Lescatie society. But contrary to what they believed, the people of the slums were more than just beggars and criminals, they also performed the undesirable yet indispensable work that kept Lescatie running. In this particular example, the worm farm was used to process food waste and sewage into compost, which was then traded to rural farmers in exchange for flour, cloth and other essential goods. Additionally, the worms themselves made up most of the meat in the slum-dwellers' diets, along with pigeons, rats and cockroaches—meats like beef or pork being nigh-unattainable luxuries.
One thing that the orphans didn't do just yet was repair the constant deterioration of the church. With Primera and Elt gone, the remaining orphans were all too young for work that strenuous. This led to the unusual sight—though it was quite normal here—of Sasha, a respected hero, sawing timber, nailing boards onto walls and filling in cracks with mortar.
When it was almost noon, Sasha made her way towards the kitchen to help prepare lunch for everyone.
But halfway there, she felt a pang of dizziness. Sasha quickly put a hand on a nearby wall to steady herself, but even that proved insufficient.
The last thing she saw before slipping into unconsciousness was the sight of the church's ceiling. The last thing she heard were the panicked cries of the children she was meant to care for.
-ooo-
When Sasha woke up again, she saw the ceiling of her own room and felt the weight of a blanket on top of her.
The children… must have carried me here…
"Big Sis! You're okay!"
Sasha slowly turned her head. Even this took a shameful amount of effort for a hero of the Chief God. She spotted Lisia, Emiyu and other orphans in the room.
"Have you gotten sick?" Lisia asked. "Do you we need to call for Big Bro Elt to come back, or—"
"No… I'm just tired," Sasha said, trying to sit up. "I just needed to lie down for a moment—"
However, Sasha was pushed back down by the combined efforts of the orphans.
"You can't get up yet, Big Sis!" Emiyu said. "You're still not well yet, any of us can tell!" She placed a hand on Sasha' forehead. "It feels like you're on fire!"
"But… lunch… and all of the other chores…"
"We'll take care of everything!" Lisia replied. "We already know how to do it all, besides the repairs! So just keep resting!"
One of the other orphans, a boy by the name of Phil, brought a cup of water to Sasha's mouth. She drank it slowly until the cup was empty.
"Is there anything else you need?" Emiyu asked.
"For now… I think I just need peace and quiet, and I should be able to recover," Sasha replied. "Thank you for the help, children…"
The orphans slowly and reluctantly filed out of the room. After they closed the door behind them, Sasha heard one of them slide something to the door to block it. That made her smile, a little… they were so concerned for her that they were even trying to lock her in her room so she wouldn't overwork herself.
However, that smile quickly faded.
I can't believe it… I'm supposed to be watching over these children, yet I've become a burden to them… Together with my collusion with monsters, I've failed in every single one of the duties my parents left me…
Sasha tried to sit up again. But she couldn't even summon up enough strength for that, instead collapsing back onto the bed like a sack of meat.
"...Pathetic…" Sasha groaned out loud.
Now, when Lescatie faced its greatest crisis in history, Sasha couldn't even do her normal duties. Her inattention to her own health had left her bedridden. If this had happened outside the safety of the walls, in the treacherous wilderness… well, perhaps monsters wouldn't be as dangerous to her as most believed, but there were plenty of other dangers out there.
It was also fortunate that Elt and Primera weren't here. If they had seen her shameless weakness, she would have lost all hope.
...Though even then, a part of her wished that one of them was here.
"Elt…"
The young man had been raised alongside Sasha like a younger sibling. He'd been a steady rock in her life, helping her with the church, comforting her after the deaths of her parents. He'd trusted her with his secrets… yet she hadn't trusted him in return. It had taken an external factor to make her reveal her collusion with monsters…
...and even then, she hadn't revealed her other secret. That she held feelings for him unbecoming of a sibling, unbecoming of a priestess.
Tears begun welling up in Sasha's eyes.
Ah… I mustn't… I have to be strong…
But after months of stress, Sasha couldn't hold it in any longer. She couldn't stop the tears flowing down her cheeks, any more than she could rise from this bed.
It was then that she felt an eerie sensation. Sasha gasped in surprise, then focused her senses.
This is… demonic energy!? Oh no, the children…!
Sasha tried once more to shift her fever-wracked body, but once more it refused to obey her will.
...me…
Sasha froze. That word hadn't been one of her own thoughts, yet it also hadn't been spoken aloud by anyone.
Can you… me…
It had been a long time since Sasha last felt this sensation, but she recognised it.
Chief God, is that you…? Sasha thought.
Can you hear me? said the strange voice. Oh, good, it seems you can. Well, to start with, you should know that I'm not "Her."
The strange voice lacked the dignity and majesty of the Chief God. Instead, it had a wickedly alluring tone, one that wouldn't be out of place coming from a prostitute's lips.
…Who are you? Sasha asked warily, at the same time cursing herself for her weakness.
Me? I'm… Oh, yes, I believe you humans refer to me as the "Fallen God".
Sasha had heard this name before. It was the name of a counterpart of the Chief God, an evil goddess whose domain was lust and depravity. She was said to be the primary deity worshipped by monsters… though Sasha had some doubts about that based on the few monsters she'd interacted with.
In any case, Sasha could only answer in one way. I have nothing to say to you.
Hee hee… the Fallen God sounded amused, like a cat who'd found a mouse to play with. You say that, but wasn't it your voice that called me here?
Mine…? That's a foul lie!
It's nothing but the truth. Didn't you make a wish? You wished for everyone to be happy, and, on top of that… you yearned for him, didn't you? For your beloved?
Sasha trembled in shame. If it was anyone else, she could have denied them calmly. But against a deity speaking directly into her mind…
You still lie, Sasha thought resolutely. I… may have wished for those things, but I certainly want nothing from you. For I am a priestess of the Chief God!
But the goddess of corruption simply giggled.
Hee hee…. You're so veeery cute. I haven't encountered one as resistant as you before. I'm looking forward to seeing how you'll change…
A shudder ran through Sasha's body. She tried to get up, to cast a spell, to do something to resist—
There's no need to be so afraid. I'm just going to grant your wish, that's all…
I do not need your power!
Buuut, can you really do it alone? With things as they are?
Sasha grit her teeth. It was true that she still wasn't sure how Lescatie might fend off a lilim's army… or if that was even the correct path in the first place.
You want to defend Lescatie for the sake of the Order, for the sake of the Chief God, right? But do you think that's the right thing to do? After all… monsters aren't simply evil, are we?
Sasha remembered her little orphanage hidden in the woods. She remembered how Druella had met with Elt, shown them some of the outside world and then brought them back home safely.
And… her conviction broke. If even a lilim could show such consideration, was there any need for Sasha to keep persisting?
Yes… Yes… that's right… accept monsters into your heart, accept pleasure into your heart, and you will be all be happy… just as you wanted…
The heat in Sasha's body changed. Instead of being the unpleasant heat of a fever, it now felt like her body was bursting with vigour. At the same time, she felt a throbbing deep within her, and her clothes rubbed painfully against sensitive skin.
"N-No…" Sasha moaned out loud. "This is…!?"
I was right, the Fallen God said triumphantly. Look, you're so pent-up!
Remembering to keep her voice down, Sasha thought, You coward… to force this on me with magic!
That's a little rude. I'm just waking you up, so you can stop this act. Now, you can have all the fun you want with this lewd body of yours!
Gah… I won't… I won't give in!
Still resisting? You really are a fun one. But they allll give in eventually…
Sasha clutched her head and writhed around in the bed. She had to be strong, she had to keep her charges safe…
But, after what felt like an eternity of torturous pleasure, she murmured, "Elt…"
Yes… say his name, think of what you want him to do to you!
"Elt… I… please…"
Sasha thought of the young man in question. He'd always helped her, even today he'd expressed his wish to help her more. Surely… Surely he wouldn't refuse her now?
Yes, that's a good girl… Oh, I know. Since he's not back just yet, how about you start touching yourself while thinking about him? Imagine that it's his hands touching you…
But that's… a little… embarrassing…
Come on, you need to forget about things like that! You'll need to learn quickly if you want to help your orphans be happy as well.
Sasha froze. "What… do you mean by that?" she asked out loud.
You want everyone to be happy, don't you? the Fallen God replied. So of course the orphans here are included in that.
The… same kind of happiness!?
Sasha forced herself out of bed. She might be a mere human pitted against a god, but she would never let any harm come to the children!
Her body throbbed with desire again, and thoughts of Elt flashed through her mind. It seemed that simple determination wouldn't be enough to keep her focused.
Then… there's only one option left…
Sasha quickly pulled open a nearby drawer and lifted up a false bottom to reveal a hidden dagger. To ensure none of the children could use it, the dagger was held in place by leather straps, which she tore as she picked up the dagger. Finally, she plunged the dagger into her left hand.
"Ah—Gah!"
Judging from the agonising pain radiating from her left hand, the dagger had hit bone in addition to skin and muscle. But in the current situation, that was just what Sasha wanted.
…You'd go that far? the Fallen God said. I only want what's best for you, all of you…
"The innocence of children is something to be protected at all costs," Sasha said through gritted teeth. "I learned that from my mother, the previous owner of this orphanage. And even if you've already defiled me, even if you claim to be a god, I'll never let you defile these children!"
…Hmm, that's a shame, the Fallen God sighed. It seems I'll have to be just a little rough with you.
The heat intensified. Sasha couldn't help but scream so loudly that the children would no doubt here it. Furthermore, something—a trio of somethings, began swelling up on her lower back.
"N-No…" Sasha groaned. She twisted the dagger to give herself more pain. "I won't… I won't become your tool… for hurting… them…"
You won't hurt them one bit. You'll just show them the greatest happiness imaginable—
Not if I have anything to say about it, Fallen God!
Sasha flinched in surprise. There was now a second voice in her mind. The newcomer also sounded feminine, but hearing her didn't unnerve Sasha like the Fallen God's voice did.
...Eros, the Fallen God said. You've come too late. This one is already mine.
It's not too late! Eros retorted. Sasha, as long as you reject her temptation, there is another path for you!
A new energy began flowing into Sasha's body. This was spirit energy instead of the demonic energy of the Fallen God, and it felt soothing instead of corrupting.
Get out! the Fallen God demanded harshly. She's mine!
Sasha, you might not have any more reason to trust me, Eros said. But at least, I won't make you groom children!
As the two deities warred over her, Sasha recalled who Eros was. The God of Love was worshipped in many Order nations, yet her faith was regarded with suspicion due to monsters also worshipping her. In Lescatie, this suspicion was so great that Eros worship was forbidden.
Sasha had a choice. One option would make her guide children into depravity. The other at least claimed otherwise.
It wasn't a difficult choice at all.
Eros… if the alternative is her, then I'll side with you!
Immediately, Eros' spiritual energy began flowing into Sasha more rapidly, like a burst dam. The Fallen God's demonic energy was pushed out, the forced desire along with it.
Damn… you…! I only wanted… to make her happy…!
That was the last Sasha heard of the Fallen God's voice. However, the goddess of depravity had still left one mark of her presence.
First, Sasha withdrew the dagger from her left hand, set it down and cast a quick healing spell. There was still a large amount of blood on her person, on the dagger and on the floor, but she didn't care for that right now.
Next, Sasha reached behind her to feel a pair of feathery wings and a long tail. They'd grown out from her body, tearing through her clothes in the process. With shaking hands, she pulled these forward into view.
"I'm… a monster, now."
I'm sorry… Eros said. Because I only found you after her, I couldn't completely get rid of her power. Now… I think you're a mix of a dark priest—one of the Fallen's servants—and one of mine.
Sasha grasped some of her new pink feathers. The colour reminded her of the very few images of Eros that she'd seen. It wasn't an unpleasant colour, but it also wasn't one Sasha had ever expected from part of her own body.
...There's no reversing this, is there?
I'm sorry, there isn't. I've never heard of any way to turn a monster back into a human. But! I'm sure if you talk it out with your loved ones, they'll accept you! Look around, they're here!
Sasha whirled around on the spot. She saw that the door was slightly ajar… and several pairs of fearful eyes were looking through the gap.
"Big Sis?"
"Why are you so hurt!?"
And it wasn't just them. More and more children started showing their faces.
The icy claws of despair tore at Sasha's heart. What would her orphans think of her now, monsterised and covered in blood? Would they think she was conducting some blood magic ritual? Would they think she was planning to use them as sacrifices to a dark god of monsters?
But before Sasha could say anything, the orphans began running… towards her. They hugged her around the waist
"You're… You're not afraid of me?" Sasha murmured.
"Huh? Why would we be afraid?" Lisia said.
"There's no way you did anything wrong!" Emiyu said. "Someone's turned you into this, made you bleed, right?"
That was half-true… but it didn't change Sasha's expected duty as a hero. For the sake of these children, she ought to abandon them and kill herself promptly.
But when she looked at their tear-stained, fearful faces, she couldn't do it. Even if she was a monster, even if she was now a puppet of an unfamiliar god, she couldn't bring herself to leave them alone.
Sasha reached out her arms, surrounding the children in a warm hug. Her feathery wings moved as well, without conscious thought, helping to surround the children.
See? Eros said. Of course they'd accept you. Being a monster isn't such a bad thing.
...What do you want from me, Eros?
Even if she'd been saved from one predicament, Sasha had spent too long in Lescatie's high society to trust so easily. Her experiences taught her that everyone wanted something in return.
I just want you to spread love, Sasha… real, honest love, Eros replied. I won't force you into doing this, and I definitely won't force you to bring these children into it. That's all.
-ooo-
Half an hour later, Sasha had explained the situation to her orphans. She omitted certain details, especially those regarding the Fallen God's plans.
"D-Do you still feel sick, Big Sis?"
"What are you going to do now?"
"What… What'll other people think?"
The orphans were bewildered and uncertain, yet still none of them had rejected Sasha. That warmed her heart to the core and helped her stay calm despite the situation.
"I'm not sure myself," Sasha admitted. "Right now, it seems like Eros is a nice lady… a nice goddess? She… hasn't given me any strict orders."
The children looked even more bewildered. It was no wonder; they were raised to venerate the Chief God above all else—
"So… does that mean she's better than the Chief God?" Lisia asked, tilting her head.
Sasha choked.
"After all, the Chief God just makes you do a lot of hard work, right?" Emiyu added, tilting her head in the other direction.
"That is… definitely not something you should say outside," Sasha said quickly. "It would be very dangerous. And my work for the Chief God is important—"
Even as she said this, Sasha felt the pain of hypocrisy. For months now, she hadn't been able to hear the Chief God's voice but had been helping monsters. Even the slum-dwellers who simply pretended to pray at her church were more devout than her.
Perhaps the Fallen God was right in one way… Perhaps I really did call out to her thanks to my heresy…
"A-Anyway, Big Bro Elt and Big Sis Primera should be coming back soon!" another orphan, Terrence, said. "I'm sure they'll know how to help you!"
Sasha jumped on the spot and her wings began flapping in a panic. While Primera probably wouldn't return for some time, Elt would be returning this evening.
W-When he sees what's happened to me—how will he react!? How will I react, after that Fallen God… dredged up my feelings for him!?
In another timeline, perhaps Sasha would have eventually worked up the courage to confess to him normally. But she could never do that now, not without seeming like a stereotypical lustful monster.
-ooo-
Dusk arrived. In the meantime, Sasha had repaired her clothes so they now had proper openings for her monster organs, and she'd also resumed watching over the orphans.
She'd avoided doing anything that would take her out of the church's walls—while the people of the slums might respect her, they might not look so kindly upon a monster. Indeed, fear of the monsters outside the walls was one reason they didn't leave the capital in search of a better life.
But no matter how much Sasha wanted to hide, she could never do that in the long term. The higher-ups of Lescatie would wonder where she'd gone. And in the short-term…
Elt burst into the room and came to a stop. He looked Sasha up and down, disbelief clear on his face.
"Sasha… what happened…? Who did this to you…?"
Sasha lowered her head in shame. "It's my fault… because of my weakness, I left an opening for an evil god to exploit…"
Then Sasha squeaked as Elt pulled her into a tight hug. Both her human and monster parts were pressed close to the young man's body, yet he didn't recoil in disgust.
"Your fault? There's no way!" Elt said. "You're the most hardworking person I know, Sasha!"
Memories of her earlier desire intruded on Sasha's mind, causing her to squirm around in embarrassment.
Of course, a hero could break free from a normal human's restraint with ease. Becoming a monster hadn't reduced her strength; if anything, it had increased.
But at this moment, she allowed herself to simply relax in Elt's arms.
AN: Originally, Sasha would have just been turned into a dark priest, albeit one who still resisted the Fallen God. Only recently did I think of having another god intervene. Not many gods had been introduced at the time of the first World Guide (where Lescatie and its cast were first introduced), but with the information now available, it makes sense for multiple to get involved in these events.