"What's with all these new clothes?" Drix asked, eyeing Ozzy up and down as they stepped outside their dorm block. "It seems like you're wearing something new every time I see you nowadays."

Ozzy shrugged. "I was just sick of wearing my cousin's hand-me-downs all the time, so I went on a lil shopping trip… or two."

Drix raised an eyebrow at that, before shaking his head and looking straight ahead again. "Aren't you going to be cold in that ensemble?"

Ozzy frowned. "No? I mean, I'm a bit chilly right now, but it's hotter up in the brain, right? Roja told me it's the warmest part of the body."

"And he would be right. I'm still a little concerned by how often you two seem to speak to each other, by the way. Don't you remember what you promised me last week? You are only to have contact with him in class or during office hours."

"Yeah yeah, I know," Ozzy replied, waving his hand in the air dismissively. "Anyway, enough about that, where does this bus set off from, again? Is it far to walk? These new shoes are killin' me."

"No, it should be parked just outside the main reception. Look, there it is," Drix said, pointing at the bus in the distance. "But all these new clothes, plus the hypothalamus trip… it must have cost you a fortune."

Ozzy tutted. "Don't worry about it. That's what savings are for."

"You have savings?"

"Yeah, I spent most of the summer workin' as a waiter, remember?"

"Oh yes. In that awful roller skating café. You know, I was secretly relieved when they fired you from that place."

"They didn't fire me! I chose to leave!"

"Ozzy, please. You dropped three drinks on your first day, spent more time showing off your roller skating tricks than actually waiting tables, and insulted your boss to his face when he asked you to work late. It's a miracle you lasted as long as you did."

"Well, I don't remember any of that happening. Anyway, I wanted to ask you something important. I know you get carsick and all, but can we sit at the back of the bus today? I'm fed up with always having to sit at the front."

Drix's eyes opened wide, and he turned to face the other way, raising his hand to rub the back of his capsule. "Uhm, Jones. I don't know how to tell you this, but me and you aren't sitting together. I'm actually sitting with Sam."

Ozzy frowned and stopped walking. "You what? Sam?! You barely know him! Me and you have been friends for years! We're like brothers! How could you choose him over me?"

Drix sighed and tapped Ozzy on the arm to get him to keep walking. "Well, to be fair, I didn't know that you were coming on this trip until two days ago, and I had already promised Sam last week."

"Well who the hell am I gonna sit with?!"

"I'm sure there will be someone else there who doesn't have a partner either. You can sit with them!"

"Great! I'll probably get stuck with one of the nerdy kids that no one likes and have to listen to them yammer on about biology the whole way there."

"Or maybe you'll get put with a teacher, like you did in second grade after you shoved that loaf of bread down the bus toilet, meaning that none of us could relieve ourselves for the duration of the journey," Drix muttered.

Ozzy perked up at that, and looked down at his feet to hide the smile that was threatening to creep over his face.

Drix frowned then as he noticed Ozzy's expression, and prodded him on the shoulder. "Stop smiling. It wasn't funny in the slightest. It was absolutely idiotic. You almost ruined the whole trip for all of us. And to make matters worse, they thought that I was your accomplice in that particular practical joke. I didn't have recess for a whole week thanks to your antics."

"Oh shush, will ya? I'm not smiling over that. I was thinkin' about something else."

"Mhm," was all Drix said, before continuing to lecture Ozzy about how irresponsible his prank was, but unfortunately for him, Ozzy had already managed to get lost in his own thoughts.

Maybe Drips is right and they'll put me next to a teacher. I wonder if they'll let me sit with Professor Roja? He is the only person I really know on this trip besides Drips, so it would make sense if we sat together. I don't think anyone would think anything weird, or question us about it.

It's like he said: he's my teacher, and I'm his student, and there's nothing wrong with a teacher sitting next to his student on the way to a college trip, right? Besides, we've never actually done anything that would make anyone think that there was something going on between us.

Well, as long as you ignore me lying in between his legs on a park bench late at night, and him literally just giving me an envelope full of cash, and also the fact that we can't seem to stay away from each other…

"Ozzy? Are you even listening to me?"

Ozzy blinked for a moment, before nodding his head and flashing Drix a big grin. "Yeah. Of course I am."

Drix tutted, clearly unconvinced, and turned to gesture towards a woman who was standing by the bus door. "Look. That woman over there is Celvia, the trip leader. Go and ask her who you're sitting with, she will probably have a list with everybody's names on it."

Ozzy looked over his shoulder and nodded. "Yeah, thanks, I'll do that now."

He turned around to walk over to her, when he spotted Sam sitting on a bench with his head buried in a book. "Ooh, Drips, there's Sam waitin' for you over there! I guess you better go say hi to him, right?"

Drix looked over at him and waved, before turning back to face Ozzy. "Yeah, I better. I'll see you when we get off the bus, okay? I hope you have fun with whoever you're seated with."

"I'm sure I will, don'tchu worry 'bout me," Ozzy replied with a big grin, giving him two thumbs up.

Drix smiled and returned the gesture, before turning around to float over to where Sam was sitting, while Ozzy hurried over to the front of the bus.

He stood behind the trip leader and waited for her to finish talking to another student, anxiously shifting his weight from foot to foot, before tapping her on the shoulder. "Hey, miss. No one's told me who I'm supposed to be sittin' with on the bus. Do you have any idea?"

She turned around to face him and frowned. "Oh, hello. You're the freshman, right? What's your name again?"

"Osmosis Jones! Professor Roja invited me, so my name should be on the list."

"Right, well let me just check," she muttered as she looked over the register on her clipboard. "Mhm, your name is here, but we haven't actually assigned anyone to sit with you on the bus."

"What? Why not?"

"Well, we didn't exactly plan on you coming with us."

"Soooo, what happens now?" Ozzy asked, jerking his head and shoulders from side to side as he spoke. "Are you saying there isn't any room for me on the bus?"

"No, there's room for you. You may just have to sit at the front with one of the teachers."

Some of the students within earshot giggled at that, but Ozzy simply smiled. "No problemo. I'm cool with that. As long as I get to choose the teacher I sit with."

She frowned and pursed her lips as she thought about it. "Uhm, sure, I guess. Just make sure to ask them first."

"Gotcha," Ozzy replied with a wink. "By the way, do you happen to know where Professor Roja is?"

She raised an eyebrow at that. "I believe he's still inside, in reception. Is that who you want to sit with?"

Ozzy nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah, he's the only one I really know on this trip. Is there a problem with that?"

"No, it's just that he usually doesn't like students talking to him outside of class. I doubt he'll agree to it."

"Well, I'll ask him anyways. It never hurts to try, right?" Ozzy said with a smirk, before turning around and heading towards the building. Yeah, like he'd ever say no to that.

He pushed the door open and peered round, smiling to himself as soon as he saw Professor Roja sitting on a chair by the reception desk. He was reading a newspaper and humming to himself with one leg crossed over the other, his brows drawn together in the middle.

Ozzy cocked his head and sighed as he looked him up and down. God, how does he manage to look so fucking good all the time?

He had tied his hair back in a messy bun again, with one braid hanging loosely by the side of his face. He was wearing a dark blue shirt with the top two buttons undone, and his usual tight, black jeans.

Ozzy leaned against the door jamb and whistled, prompting the professor to look up from his newspaper, his serious expression immediately melting into a smile. He took off his glasses to put them into his satchel and gestured with his head for Ozzy to come over to him. "There you are. I was wondering when you'd show up."

Ozzy smiled back and started slowly sauntering over to where he was sitting. "What are you doin' hiding in here? Everyone else is outside, yet here you are all on your own."

"I wasn't hiding, I just didn't wanna have to make small talk with any of my students."

Ozzy stopped in his tracks and pointed behind him with his thumb. "Ohh, I'll just leave you to your newspaper then, shall I?"

The professor tutted. "Shut up. You know I wasn't referring to you."

Ozzy laughed at that, and walked over to stand by the side of the chair, letting the straps of his rucksack slide over his shoulders as he went. "I was talkin' to the trip leader just now, and she says that there's no more room left on the bus, so I'll have to sit with one of the teachers."

He dropped his rucksack on the floor by the wall and sat himself down on the arm of the chair. "And I was just wonderin' if you wanted to ride with me?"

The professor tilted his head back to look up at Ozzy, letting a big grin spread across his face. "How could I possibly say no to that?"

"That's what I thought," Ozzy said cockily. "I usually hate sitting at the front of the bus, but I guess I'll make an exception this time. You're gonna have to make it up to me later, though. A new pair of shoes, perhaps?"

The professor rolled his eyes. "I already spent a quarter of my month's wages on you this week and you're asking for more?"

"Ohh, so that's how much you earn. Interesting…"

"Tsk, you're trying to figure out all my secrets again, aintcha?"

"Nah, only the fun ones. Besides, it's only fair. You've got a whole file on me and I feel like I barely know anything about you."

"Don't take it personally. I just take a while to… open up." He narrowed his eyes and leaned in closer, whispering, "and I don't know if this will make you feel any better, but I think you probably know more about me than anyone else in this entire body."

Ozzy smiled at that, and moved his head back to reply, but his face fell as soon as he noticed the 'Reformed Virus' armband around Professor Roja's arm. "Ah, shit, you have to wear this thing even though you're workin'?" he asked, pointing at it and frowning.

Professor Roja looked down at his arm and sighed. "Yep. If I'm seen without it whilst I'm outside the college grounds, they'll take me in for questioning, even if I'm obviously with you lot."

Ozzy opened his mouth to speak, but the professor cut him off. "And before you ask, yes I have a spare one of these armbands, and no, you can't have it."

Ozzy groaned and rolled his eyes. "Awh, why the hell not?"

"Because you'll just get yourself into trouble. Besides, I need the spare one in case this one breaks."

"But it'll go so perfectly with my outfit," Ozzy replied, gesturing at himself.

The professor allowed his gaze to drift downwards, stopping for a moment on the tight white tank top that was stretched over Ozzy's chest, before moving down further to his pastel pink cargo pants, admiring how they sat on his hips and thighs.

He swallowed thickly, limiting himself to a simple "mhmm," and tore his gaze away to look back down at his newspaper. God, how does he manage to look so fucking good all the time?

"'Mhmm'? Is that all you have to say? I spent over 100 Calories on this outfit and all I get is a 'mhmm'?! Honestly, I don't know why I bother," Ozzy huffed, pretending to be annoyed.

The professor laughed and looked back up at him. "Oh, please. You know you look good right now. You don't need me to tell you that. Anyway, I thought you said you didn't have any money. What are you doing spending so much on an outfit?"

Ozzy smirked and cocked his head to the side. "Well, like you, I only spend money on important things. Oh, speaking of which…"

He reached into his rucksack and pulled out something that was clumsily wrapped in paper, before turning back to face the professor. "I got you this to say thank you. I know it's nothing compared to everything you've done for me, but I just needed to get you something."

He handed it to the professor and watched as he carefully peeled the wrapping paper off, his eyes widening when he saw what Ozzy had bought for him.

"Ozzy… you really didn't have to," he said breathily, staring down at the black, silk tie in his hands. He dragged the back of his claw over the material, and could tell from the soft, velvety feel and the quality of the stitching that it must have cost Ozzy quite a lot of money.

He swallowed thickly and tilted his head back to look him in the eye. "How much was this?"

"Pfft. You can't ask me that!" Ozzy snapped, tapping the professor on the head. "Besides, the price doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is that you like it. So, do you?"

The professor nodded and took hold of the smaller end to pull it between his claws, seeming to enjoy the feeling of the silk on his skin.

Ozzy watched him for a moment, before shifting closer and gently taking the tie from him. "Look, I had them sew something special on it, too," he said, lifting it up in the air so the professor could see. "It says 'Not All Viruses' along the bottom. I asked them to do it in dark grey, so you can only really see it if you look for it. I thought you could wear it to your meetings, and such."

The professor nodded, his lips parting slightly to draw a breath as he continued to stare at it, not knowing quite what to say, and Ozzy furrowed his brow. "You don't have to wear it if you don't want to. I didn't know if writing 'Not All Viruses' on it was a good idea or not, so don't feel like you have to take it if it makes you uncomfor-"

"It's perfect," the professor interrupted, placing his hand over Ozzy's thigh and squeezing. "Thank you."

There was a moment of silence between them then, until Ozzy leaned in and said quietly, "do you wanna try it on?"

The professor hummed in agreement, and Ozzy stood up to walk round to his front, before turning up the collar on his shirt and draping the tie over his shoulders.

The professor watched amusedly as Ozzy furrowed his brow in concentration, crossing one end of the tie over the other, before pulling it through the neck loop and into the knot.

He adjusted the tie and flicked his eyes up to meet the professor's, saying quietly, "well, what d'ya know? It fits."

The professor laughed and looked down at the tie, tightening the knot slightly. "Yeah, it looks good. Thank you, Ozzy."

Ozzy moved his head back slightly and smiled. "No problem. It's nothing big, just a small gesture to say thanks for this trip, and for everything else, really."

The professor furrowed his brow and lifted his head to look at Ozzy. "Thank me? What for? I'm the one who should be thanking you."

"What, why? You're the one who paid for me to come on this trip."

The professor smiled, before shaking his head and lowering his voice further. "I'm not talking about money. It's… more than that."

"What do you mean? I ain't done nothing. I've probably made your life harder, to be honest."

"No, you haven't," the professor replied with a frown. "Since I met you, my life has been so… everything has just kind of… ugh… I don't know how to… Okay, basically, what I'm tryna say is… "

They both flinched then as they heard the entrance door to the reception swing open, and Ozzy jumped backwards.

"Roja, the bus is about to leave, so you better get your capsid…" the trip leader said as she stepped into the reception, falling silent as she saw both Ozzy and the professor staring straight back at her with wide eyes.

She frowned at them for a second, before shaking her head and turning back around to head outside again. "You two better hurry up and find your seats, we're leaving in two minutes."

The professor waited for her to leave, before letting out a long, heavy sigh and turning to look back up at Ozzy. "Right, you heard her. We best get on the bus. Do you want the window or the aisle seat?"

Ozzy picked up his rucksack from the floor and shrugged. "Uhm, I'm easy, which do you prefer?"

"I'll have the aisle, if you don't mind. It lets me stretch my legs out easier," the professor replied, rising to his feet and following Ozzy to the door.

"That's fine. I prefer the window anyway. That way I can look out the window and watch as we drive down the optic nerve. I've never seen it before, and everyone says it's really cool."

"Really?" the professor asked with a frown, pushing the door open for Ozzy. "Surely you must have seen it when you came up to the cornea?"

They stepped outside and started walking over to the bus, Ozzy looking up at the professor as he replied. "Nah, my uncle drove me up one of the blood vessels. He only ever uses those to travel around nowadays. White blood cells can use all the veins and capillaries for free, but we have to pay this stupid road tax to use the bone marrow highways or the nervous system, for example."

"Oh, I'm surprised to hear that the Police Chief would be concerned about money with the amount he must earn."

Ozzy shook his head. "Nah, people often think he'd have a lot of money, and he probably did at one point, but he really felt it when the mayor cut funding to the FPD a few years back. His pay got slashed in half practically overnight, so he had to start being a bit careful with money."

"Oh, right," the professor said quietly. "But, even so, it's insane to me that you've never been down the optic nerve before. Didn't your parents take you anywhere as a kid?"

"Mhm, not really. They were pretty paranoid about a lot of stuff, and they only ever felt safe in the lymph nodes. I went on a school trip to the stomach in second grade, but that's all, really."

Ozzy paused for a beat as he stepped onto the bus, before turning to face the professor with a smile. "You know, this'll be the first time I spend a night in a hotel, too."

Professor Roja followed him onto the bus and furrowed his brow. "You're kidding? In your whole life you've never been to a hotel?"

Ozzy shook his head. "Nope! Not once! Where are we sitting, by the way?"

The professor pointed at the seats to their left, and Ozzy slid onto the one by the window, placing his rucksack on the floor by his feet. "Yeah, I'm so excited to finally get to see what it's like to spend the night in a hotel room! I hear they put chocolates on your pillow and give you teeny tiny bottles of shampoo and stuff!"

The professor laughed at that, and gestured at Ozzy's rucksack. "Would you like me to put that in the overhead locker for you so you have more legroom?"

"Nah, it's fine, it's not in the way, and I like to sit like this anyway," he said, crossing his legs on the seat.

"Okay, sure. Is that all you're bringing with you, by the way? That little bag?" the professor asked, sliding into the seat next to Ozzy.

"Well, yeah. It's only one night, right? This'll be plenty. Why? How much did you bring?"

"Oh, y'know. Just the essentials."

"Knowing you that means you've bought a massive suitcase filled to the brim with fancy jackets, posh shirts and expensive shoes."

"No…" the professor replied, rolling his eyes and smiling. "I just like to have options when I'm putting an outfit together. It's not easy to find things that go with this piece of shit," he muttered, gesturing at his armband.

"Oh right, I guess not," Ozzy said quietly. "By the way, speaking of your armband, how the hell did you know I was gonna ask you to give me the spare one when we were sat in reception? Are you a mind reader, or something? Is that part of your weird virus-y voodoo powers?"

"Ha! I wish. That'd make everything a lot easier. Nah, I can't read minds, you're just really predictable."

Ozzy frowned and sat up straight. "I am not!"

"Yes, you are. I can read you like a book."

"Prove it! Try to guess what I'm thinkin' right now."

The professor shook his head and tutted. "No, because even if I guess correctly, you'll just lie and say that I got it wrong anyway."

"How dare you," Ozzy said jokily, lightly slapping the professor on the shoulder. "You're just scared that I'll win."

The professor raised an eyebrow at that. "Okay, I've got an idea. How about we make a game of this instead?"

Ozzy cocked his head. "How d'ya mean?"

"Let's say that I have to try and predict what you've brought with you in your rucksack. That's way more fun."

Ozzy hesitated for a moment as he thought about it. "Right, okay, you're on. How many things do you have to get right to win?"

"Hmm… how about I get four attempts to guess three things correctly, meaning that if I get more than one thing wrong, I lose. Sound fair?"

"Yep, that sounds fair to me," Ozzy said with a grin, holding out his hand for the professor to shake.

"And what are the stakes? Bragging rights don't count, I want something real."

"Hmm… how about a drink? If you win, I'll buy you a drink. If not, you'll buy me one."

The professor smirked at that and took Ozzy's hand in his own. "You're on, baby. I can't wait to see that smug lil smile get wiped from your face when I win."

"And I can't wait to order the most expensive drink on the menu and watch you pay for it," Ozzy retorted, reaching down for his rucksack and placing it on his lap.

They felt the bus start moving then, and they both shot each other an excited grin, Ozzy subconsciously gripping tighter onto his rucksack. "Right, there's no turnin' back now! You're stuck with me for two whole days. Are ya startin' to regret bringin' me on this trip?"

"Hmm, not yet, but to be fair, the bus has only just set off. Ask me again in five minutes."

"Uy, you're so mean," Ozzy said with a frown. "Come on, then. Start guessin'! I can't wait to see you throw a tantrum like a little baby when you lose against me."

"Oh, it's gonna be like that, is it?", the professor asked, turning in his seat to angle his torso more towards Ozzy. "Okay, for my first guess I'm gonna play it safe and say that you've got some chocolate in that bag of yours."

Ozzy unzipped his rucksack and looked inside, before groaning loudly as he pulled out a bar of chocolate. "Shit, that's one point to you, I guess."

"Ah-hah! I knew it. I told you you're predictable," the professor said, nudging Ozzy in the side with his elbow.

"Nah, that was just a lucky guess," Ozzy grumbled, peeling the wrapper off the chocolate and taking a bite. "Mmmph… don't get too cocky just yet, though. You've still got, fmmph, two more guesses to go."

"Hmm…" the professor said, narrowing his eyes as he thought about his second guess. "Okay, I'm gonna say… a spare t-shirt."

Ozzy frowned and swallowed the piece of chocolate, before throwing his arms in the air. "Well, of course I've brought a spare T-shirt with me! It's an overnight trip! Nah nah nah, I'm not letting ya have that. You've gotta give me specifics. What colour is the T-shirt, for example?" he asked, snapping off a piece of chocolate for the professor.

"Uy, you drive a hard bargain, Jones," he replied, taking the chocolate in his hand. "Okay, fine, let's go with… purple."

Ozzy's mouth fell open slightly, and he pushed against the professor's shoulder with his own. "How the hell did you know that?!"

"I just know you too well," he said cockily, throwing the piece of chocolate into his mouth. "Anyway, mmph, one more correct guess and you have to buy me a drink, right?"

Ozzy rolled his eyes and nodded, pushing his bottom lip out into a pout.

"You're cute when you're mad," the professor teased, causing the corners of Ozzy's mouth to turn up slightly.

"Shut up and guess already," he snapped back, trying to force a frown to hide his smile.

The professor tilted his head to the side and narrowed his eyes. "Okay, for my final guess, I'm gonna say you've got one of those EyePod thingies you kids use to listen to music. I reckon you brought one of those with you in case you got stuck with someone you didn't like on the bus ride over."

Ozzy's eyes widened, before he cursed under his breath, and the professor laughed.

"And I'm guessing by your expression that I got it right?"

Ozzy nodded, and the professor pinched his cheek. "That was easy. I didn't even have to use my extra guess."

"Ugh, yes, okay okay, you win," Ozzy uttered, placing his rucksack back on the floor by his feet. "What's your drink of choice, then?"

The professor sucked some air in through his teeth. "Well, I usually go for a nice whiskey, but you're not exactly old enough to get that for me, are ya?"

"Oh, don't be so sure about that, sir," Ozzy whispered, grabbing his wallet from his pocket and taking out his fake ID. He held it out for the professor to take and smirked. "I've got a few little tricks up my sleeve."

The professor took it in his hand and furrowed his brow as he studied the photo. "But this person looks nothing like you."

Ozzy smiled, before pulling at his chin to make it longer and smoothing back his hair. "How about now?"

The professor looked back up at him and his eyes widened. "What the fuck?! How did you do that?"

"Oh, just another lil trick of mine," Ozzy stated proudly. He leaned in further and lowered his voice. "I'm all kinds of flexible."

The professor laughed nervously at that, his cheeks flushed a light shade of red. "Yeah, I've noticed."

"Oh, you've noticed, have you?"

"N-not in a weird way! Just like during your tennis match when you did that stretchy thing, and in class, w-with the way you sit in your chair sometimes."

"Yeah yeah, whatever you say, sir."

The professor rolled his eyes. "God, you're insufferable. Why don't you go and annoy someone else for a change?"

"Because you'd miss me too much."

"Pfft, sure," he replied, handing the fake ID back to Ozzy. He watched him put it back into his wallet, and leaned down to his level to whisper in his ear. "Well, at least now I know how you managed to get so drunk that night you broke into my office, despite being too young to actually order any alcohol."

Ozzy's eyes widened, and he turned his head to face the professor. "Why are you so sure I was drunk?"

"I went into my office the next morning to grab some essays that I'd forgotten, and the whole room stank of booze and cheap cologne. You must've been absolutely smashed."

"Yeah, I was in a bit of a state. I barely remember that night to be honest, heh. But how did you know it was me?"

"Who else would it've been?"

"True," Ozzy said with a smirk. "God, I wish I coulda seen your face when you first stepped in there and saw everything covered in aluminium foil. I bet you were seething."

"Yeah, I was pretty pissed off. I spent the rest of the morning beating the shit out of the punching bag in my home gym."

Ozzy frowned. "You fuckin' psychopath."

"I coulda done much worse, trust me," he murmured. "How did you even get into my office anyway? I never worked that one out."

"There's a teeny tiny crack under your door. I spotted it the first time I went to your office to give you that apology letter."

"So you just squeezed your way through? Is that another one of your tricks?"

Ozzy smiled and nodded, and the professor raised an eyebrow, crossing one leg over the other. "Okay, that's actually pretty neat. I knew cells were… stretchy, but not this stretchy. Same with the face changing thing. I've never seen anyone do that before."

"Yeah, me neither. I'm the only one who can do it as far as I know."

"I imagine it's handy for when you need to get outta trouble. You can just pretend to be somebody else for a bit."

"Yeah, it's pretty neat, I'm not gonna lie. Also this particular face often works wonders with the ladies," Ozzy stated cockily, flashing the professor a big grin.

The professor tutted, before reaching up to ruffle Ozzy's hair, making his curls fall back over his forehead. "Well, I don't know about the ladies, but I prefer you like this."

He then looked over his shoulder to make sure no one was watching, before moving his hands to cup Ozzy's cheeks and gently pushing his chin back with his thumbs. "And like this."

He gazed into Ozzy's eyes and smiled softly, running his thumbs across his jaw. "There. That's better."

He felt Ozzy nuzzle into his palms then, and watched as the familiar faint purple blush spread across his freckled cheeks. He slowly lifted his eyes to catch Ozzy's, his gaze getting lost in their deep, liquid darkness for a moment.

He held his gaze there, before drifting it downwards slightly, landing on Ozzy's lips, plump and soft and full. And close. Too close. Yet not close enough.

He inhaled sharply and squished his cheeks with both hands, making Ozzy's lips push out into a pout. You're so fucking perfect, y'know? How could anyone want you any different than this, exactly as you are?

He let go of his face and leaned back, raising his gaze to look out the window. "Hey, look behind ya. We're about to drive into the optic nerve. You're not gonna wanna miss this."

Ozzy's eyes lit up, and he turned around in his seat to look out the window, sitting up on his knees and pressing his face to the glass.

Everything went dark as they passed through the optic disc, before the road opened up into a huge, 360 degree tunnel extending as far as Ozzy could see, with hundreds of thousands of still images flashing by every second.

Ozzy's eyes opened wide, and he pressed his face further against the glass. "Wow, this is so cool! It's like we're watching a movie! Look, there's a dog! Whoop, and it's gone!"

The professor laughed and lifted the arm rest between their seats to be able to move closer to him. "Yeah, you'll only see each image for a microsecond before it's sent off down the nerve to the visual cortex."

"So this is what Frank is seeing right now?"

"Yeah, and from all the green around us I'd guess he's walking through a park or something. Yep, look, he's heading over to an ice cream truck right now."

"Oh yeah! He's probably getting an ice cream for Shane, right?"

The professor shook his head. "Nah, Shane's at school right now, and Frank always gets himself a huge ice cream on Fridays on his walk to work."

Ozzy turned his head to look at the professor over his shoulder. "How do you know that?"

The professor shrugged. "I always try to learn as much as I can about my host."

"But why?"

"Old habit, I guess. Anyway, turn around, you're missing it."

"Okay, but how about we wager another little bet first?" Ozzy said, smiling and narrowing his eyes.

The professor cocked his head. "Sure, as long as you don't mind losing again. What's the bet?"

"How about we have to try and guess what flavour ice cream Frank is gonna order? I'm gonna bet that he orders… a triple chocolate fudge cookie ice cream."

The professor scrunched up his face. "I've never even heard of that flavour. It sounds absolutely awful. Okay Jones, you're on. I'm gonna say… vanilla with chocolate chips."

Ozzy shook his head. "Nah, you're dead wrong. Frank would never order something that boring."

"Well, we'll see, won't we. But more importantly, what do I get when I win?"

Ozzy smiled and held out his hand for the professor to shake. "Dinner. When I win, you have to buy me dinner. Deal?"

"And if we make our way through here, you will all see the pituitary gland, sometimes called the 'master gland', vital for maintaining homeostasis within the body…"

Ozzy groaned and rolled his eyes, bumping against the professor's side with his shoulder as they trailed at the back of the tour group. "Ugh, this guy is sooooo boring. When's he gonna shut up?"

The professor smiled to himself and leaned down to whisper in Ozzy's ear. "The tour's only just begun, I'm afraid. We've got another two hours of this while he walks us through all the areas surrounding the hypothalamus."

"Shit," Ozzy hissed, scowling at the cell who was leading the tour. "Thank God I'm with you. You're the only thing keeping me sane right now."

They continued to amble behind the group, Ozzy grumbling under his breath the whole time, before he stood on his tiptoes and tapped the professor on the shoulder. "Psst, hey, d'ya know any good jokes?"

The professor furrowed his brow. "Huh?"

"You heard me. I know viruses aren't exactly known for their sense of humour, but you must know one good joke, right?"

The professor smiled and shook his head. "Sorry to disappoint you, but I'm not really the joking type."

"Oughh, you must know one!" Ozzy said, prodding the professor in the ribs. "Come ooon, I'm bored!"

"God, it's like being around a five year old. Fine, lemme see if I can think of something… okay, I've got one."

He leaned back down to Ozzy's height and cleared his throat, grinning like a madman. "My teacher only ever taught me one type of chromosome. I don't know why."

Ozzy blinked for a second as he tried to understand the joke, and the professor rolled his eyes. "'I don't know Y', like the letter Y, as in the chromosome. Oh come on, Jones."

Ozzy scrunched up his face in disgust. "Oh my God. That's foul. That's easily one of the worst jokes I've ever heard."

The professor frowned. "Don't exaggerate, it's not that bad."

"Well it's obviously not a good joke if you gotta explain it afterwards!"

"Pfft, okay, lemme see if I've got anything else for ya," the professor whispered, rolling up his sleeves. "Right, here's a good one, you listening? Okay, my boss asked me why I only get sick on work days. I said it must be because of my weekend immune system."

Ozzy actually let out a laugh at that, and the professor smiled, his face falling as soon as he noticed that the tour guide was frowning at both of them. "Sorry," he mouthed, before turning to look back down at Ozzy.

"Okay, that one wasn't totally terrible, but I know you can do better. I'll give you one more chance to make me really laugh, sir."

"Well, I do have one more, actually," he whispered. "Okay, a leukaemia cell, a sperm cell and a hormone walk into a bar, and the barman turns and says to the hormone…"

Ozzy nudged the professor in the side with his elbow and hissed, "sir! You can't tell those sorts of jokes anymore. Especially not since all those 'rights for hormones' laws that got passed a few years back."

The professor rolled his eyes. "Ugh, don't get me started on 'rights for hormones'. They're barely even alive! They're just messengers, blindly following orders from the brain. How is it fair that they managed to get equal rights before us viruses did?"

"Sir!"

The professor clicked his tongue. "Fine, I won't tell that particular joke, even though it's fucking hilarious."

"Yeah, right, just like your other jokes were," Ozzy teased. "All I can say is that I can see why you chose to become a professor instead of a comedian."

"Hey, come on now, the jokes weren't that bad. Also, I never really chose to become a professor, per se. It just sorta… happened."

"Oh, what did you wanna be then? Like, when you were a kid, what job did you dream of doing when you grew up?"

The professor mumbled something incoherent, before gesturing towards the tour guide with his head. "Come on, Jones, listen to what he's saying. I don't want my 430 Calories to go completely to waste."

After what felt like the longest two hours of Ozzy's life, they finally finished the first tour. He waited for the group to disperse, before grabbing onto the professor's wrist and leading him over to a corner. "Thank fuck for that. Any longer and I think my brain would have melted from sheer boredom. So, what happens now? Are you gonna do your hypothalamus speech?"

The professor shook his head. "Nah, that's not until later. We have a break for an hour now, to let you guys wander around and ask any questions you might have about the tour, and then I've gotta do my stupid speech."

"Ooh, are ya nervous?"

"Should I be?"

"No, but I always get nervous when I have to speak in front of people. I find that it helps if I try to imagine the crowd in their underwear, though."

The professor laughed. "Yeah, but that's probably not such a great idea when the audience is a bunch of my students, is it?"

"Oh right, yeah, probably not," Ozzy said with a smirk. "Hey, so after your speech has finished, are we free to do whatever we want?"

"Yeah, I guess so. There aren't any activities after that, at least, not that I know of. But there's usually a group dinner with all the teachers and students at a restaurant near one of the junctions off the medulla freeway."

"Are you gonna go to that?"

"Nah," the professor replied, shaking his head. "I don't really… get along with the other teachers."

"Awh. They're not mean to you, are they?"

"No, they wouldn't dare. It's more that they don't treat me the same as everyone else."

"Like how?"

"Well, for example, when they do a coffee run, they never get one for me, and they don't invite me to the monthly teachers' nights out either. Not that I would ever actually go, but it would be nice to get an invite."

"Why do you think they do that? Is it because you're a virus?"

"Oh definitely. If I were a cell, it would be a completely different story."

Ozzy lowered his gaze and sighed. "I'm sorry, it's not right that they treat you like that. But, if it makes you feel any better, I don't really get on with anyone in class either, and I am a cell, heh."

"Hm? Why not?"

"Well, think back to everything I've done since the beginning of term," Ozzy said, listing the reasons off on his fingers. "One, I argued with you on the very first day and ruined the class for everyone. Two, I managed to annoy you so much that you set the whole class an extra exam. And three, I crawled under your fuckin' desk and put my head in your lap… it's a wonder anyone talks to me, to be honest."

"Ha, well you've got a point there. It's their loss, though. Anyway, what are you gonna do? Are you gonna go to this group dinner thing?"

Ozzy smirked and waved a finger in the professor's face. "No no no. Your memory might be slippin' in your old age, sir, but surely you haven't forgotten our little bet on the bus earlier?"

The professor rolled his eyes and looked away. "Pfft, I still think you cheated somehow."

"God, you're such a sore loser. You should actually be thanking me! You learned two valuable lessons here today: never underestimate Osmosis Jones, and never try to outsmart a cell when it comes to their host. No one knows Frank better than we do."

"Yeah but a triple chocolate rocky road…uh, what was it?"

"Triple chocolate fudge cookie ice cream," Ozzy corrected, a cocky grin on his face.

"Right, whatever that is, how did you know he'd order something so specific?"

Ozzy shrugged. "I didn't know. That's just what I would've ordered. Anyway, you owe me a meal, and I owe you a drink, so how about we head to a bar after your speech, and then once you've drunk your whiskey you can treat me to the most expensive, lavish meal of my life? How does that grab ya?"

The professor furrowed his brow and hesitated for a moment, before leaning down so that his face was just in front of Ozzy's. "Uhm… yeah we could do that, or… ahem, why don't you come to my room for dinner? I could get takeout, or room service or something. I would cook for you, but the kitchen is too small to make anything nice, really."

Ozzy blinked up at him, before swallowing thickly and nodding. "Uh-huh. Yeah, I'd like that."

"Don't feel pressured, you can always say no. I just think it would be nicer than going out to eat. People might get suspicious if they see us at a restaurant together."

"Yeah, sounds good," Ozzy said quietly, his mouth suddenly very dry.

"Okay, it's a date then. Well, not a date, but y'know," the professor stammered.

"Sure. I know what you mean. So, I-is there anything you'd like me to bring? I'll get the drinks in, but is there anything else you need?"

The professor smiled and shook his head. "No, Ozzy, just bring yourself. I don't need anything else."