Chapter XXIV - R&R on Nar Shadda'r (Jaren)
The landscape of the Diplomatic Sector began to move quickly past the windows of the shuttle as we accelerated away from the landing platform in front of the Domar Galaxia; the playground of the super-rich. It had a little bit of everything; casinos, restaurants, nightclubs, shops, business towers, and everything else one could imagine all connected by an opulent mall filled with rare and ornate artwork, artifacts, and amazingly varied flora. It was late, and I was exhausted. My father had demanded that I come to the Iridonian council event to represent the family and rub shoulders with important diplomats from all over the galaxy. I was dressed up in a formal suit and paraded around all day, shaking hands and making small talk with so many people I couldn't possibly remember half their names. The worst part was that my father and I had fought the moment I arrived at the consulate. He was unhappy with my choice of joining the Jedi Order and wanted to know when I would give up 'the nonsense', as he called it, and return to Iridonia.
After a ridiculously odd and fashionably small meal at Pludel Clambeuo, considered the best and most desired restaurant on Nar Shaddaa, a close family friend dragged me to a nightclub at my father's insistence, that friend being the current head of the Iridonian ruling council. My father had hoped that the temptation of elegance and power would be too much for me, but I was done with all the schmoozing by dinnertime and barely endured the further hours of playing nice and acting interested. My father and I were very different, and what inspired him actually drove me away. By the time I was presented with the entertainment of scantily clad dancers, drinking, and watching elegantly dressed women, I was so tired and annoyed that I didn't care. When it seemed socially permissible to dismiss myself, I took the opportunity and headed for the transportation services. Luckily, General Var Suthra booked us a landing platform at the military offices in the Republic Sector, and I could head back to the quiet of the Defiant; far away from the headaches of diplomatic posturing and my father.
It was about a twenty-minute flight, and I stretched out across several seats and closed my eyes. The soft drone of the engines and the rush of atmosphere on the hull were a welcome change to the blaring music and the yelling of people trying to talk over it. I dozed off at some point in the flight and was awakened by the copilot of the shuttle after we landed. While walking the short distance to my ship I began to imagine how nice it would be to crawl into bed and sleep. General Var Suthra had sent us to Nar Shaddaa for some rest after the mission on Taris. It had been six days since Doctor Godera was no longer my problem. Unfortunately, my father had arrived four days ago and had been pestering me ever since. So much for a vacation. The ship was dim and quiet when I pressed the code to open the hatch. It was well past midnight and everyone was asleep. When I reached the top of the ramp, I glanced back through the holo-room toward the twins' quarters. It had been a long and frustrating day, and I could use some pleasant company, but I decided against waking anyone up.
Before I turned down the short hall to my room I looked over toward Kira's. We had separated like oil and water as soon as we landed on Nar Shaddaa, which in one way was a good thing because we needed a break from each other, but it also fostered a distance that was making our training more complicated. Strangely, she had been disappearing for long stretches the last few days, and I had no idea where she was going or what she was doing. I left those thoughts in the hallway and entered my room; being frustrated enough by the day I had endured, I didn't need to worsen my mood by thinking about her. The nightlights flicked on as I moved into the room and pulled my lightsaber out of the coat pocket my father had demanded I hide it in. Taking it to my dresser, I set it down next to a clutter of other personal items and began taking off my formal attire when the door chimed, surprising me.
It was late and the ship was quiet, so I wasn't expecting anyone. I told the computer to open the door and Cen'Zeya stepped in. In the dimmed lighting I couldn't see her expression, but I could see the gold-colored nightgown and her sensual curves filling it out. I had bought it for her on Alderaan about a month ago, and it seemed to make her happy. She walked up to me slowly, her dark eyes thoughtful as she reached up to finish helping me undo the diplomatic sash that ordained my coat.
"Hello," I said, watching her delicate fingers work the clasps that held the fabric in place. My family colors looked odd in the dim light as she slid the sash off my frame and started to fold it up. "Why do I get the pleasure of your company at this late hour?"
She stepped over to set the folded sash on my dresser. "Still in diplomatic mode, I see," she replied; returning to begin unbuttoning my coat. "How was your day?"
"Mostly stuffy, pretentious, and boring," I replied. Her eyes were not on me, focused instead on the tight buttons of my dress coat, so I let my gaze wander down her lekku to the chest they dangled over. The golden gown was tight across her breasts, producing a dark and inviting cleavage framed in fine lace.
"And your father?"
"The same," I sighed.
She looked up at me when the last button came free, a slight grin on her lips. Slowly, she slid her hands inside the coat, moving them over my shirt to my shoulders in order to remove it. As her hands continued along my arms, she leaned into my chest and drew in a breath through her nose. I was flattered at first, thinking she wanted my scent, but when she took the coat and casually stepped away from me, I grew suspicious.
"Checking to make sure I behaved myself?" I asked, a little surprised by her concern. Cen'Zeya was more standoffish than her sister, and I had assumed she didn't have much interest in me.
She stepped back and reached her gentle hands out to my waist, touching the ornate belt that was embossed with my family's crest. Her eyes looked up into mine. "It's none of my business," she answered in almost a whisper as her fingers worked to unfasten the buckle.
"Yet you checked anyway," I persisted, wondering what her little game was. My thoughts flashed back to all the arguments between Kira and me about forming attachments, and warning claxons started going off in the back of my mind.
She worked the belt loose and pulled it off a little more harshly than necessary, then stepped away to coil it up and put it on the dresser next to the sash. I waited for her answer, and she could see in my eyes that I expected one as she came back to me. "B'Zeya was disappointed when you wouldn't take us with you." She reached her hands up to begin unbuttoning my shirt, her eyes ignoring mine.
"I gave her a reason."
"And that was?"
"That I didn't intend to share you with my father."
She looked up at me briefly, long enough for me to see the glint of curiosity in her eyes. "Surely he wouldn't impose himself like that . . ." Her voice trailed off to a whisper as she went back to loosening my buttons.
I reached out my hand to her side, feeling the soft texture of the extravagant material and the warm body that it covered. "You don't know much about my people's customs if you think that." My hand slid down over the curve of her hip, making her look back into my eyes.
I had spent the evening being entertained at one of the most expensive nightclubs on the moon, surrounded the entire time by beautiful women. There was no reason why I shouldn't have 'entertained' myself, but I didn't. Something about the constant fights with Kira and the recent conversation with Master Din about her report to the council had made me bitter, and I didn't want to behave like the 'animal' that Kira thought I was. Unfortunately, my current state was suffering from my forbearance, and Cen'Zeya's proximity and allure were adding to my discomfort.
"Were you being selfish or considerate with your pets?" she asked me coolly.
My eyes narrowed and my hand tightened on her hip. "You're not a pet," I hissed. The look in her eye and the turn of her lip told me she was playing with me, using my padawan's words to needle me. "I'm not in the mood for games," I added.
My shirt was open, and her hands slid underneath to roam my abs. "You didn't answer the question." Her hands drifted up over my pecs to my shoulders.
Her touch was electrifying; making it hard to focus on the conversation. "Why would either of you want to sit around and listen to diplomats bloviate all day?"
She shifted my shirt off my shoulders and it slid down my arms to catch at my wrists. Her eyes flickered up to mine before she reached for my left hand. "You're asking why a girl would want to get dressed up and spend the day in luxurious palaces surrounded by rich and powerful people," the shirt came free of my left hand and she switched to my right, "and then be taken to a high-class restaurant for dinner, followed by a night at the most popular club on Nar Shaddaa?" Cen'Zeya freed the shirt from my right wrist and folded it gently in front of me before looking up at me with a wily grin. "How long of an answer do you want?"
"It wasn't as exciting as you make it out to be," I mumbled as she stepped over to the dresser to set the shirt down. My eyes could not help watching her figure shift beneath the golden, lacy material. Her points were valid though, and I hadn't thought about it from their perspective.
"It's no matter," she said casually while her fingers stroked my folded shirt absently, "we went shopping and spent your money."
"Not my money," I countered. They each had their own accounts containing a decent balance, and I considered it their money.
"We had fun," she added, "but it likely didn't compare to being pampered and adored in the diplomatic sector all day."
"More likely hampered and explored. My father and his friends would have been . . . well, presumptuous to say the least. I wanted to spare you from it."
She turned and moved back to face me, her eyes veiled in the dim light until she was close. "Saving two brothel girls from a night of forward men, how gallant of you."
Again, her words irritated me and, I reached out to grab her by the hand; drawing her against me. "I said no games, I'm not in the mood for a battle of wits." Her lips twisted as her dark eyes looked up into mine. "What are you up to?"
"Okay," she soothed, taking her other hand and rubbing it across my chest. "I did come to check on you."
"Check on me? what for?" I saw her eyes open slightly wider. "I'm free to do as I like; we have no commitments."
"Of course," she agreed too fast.
"Then why your curiosity?"
She tugged at her hand, but I wouldn't let go, then she curled her fingers into the hair on my chest. "I will tell you, but you must keep it a secret." Her eyes locked onto mine, and her gaze was deep and serious.
"Stop with the games," I grumbled, letting go of her hand and stepping back so she wasn't touching me. In the comfort of my room, having Jedi powers, and being more than a head taller than her, I should have felt in control, but the look in her eyes unnerved me. Cen'Zeya just stood watching me until my irritation boiled over. "What is it?"
"My sister was bothered by being left behind."
"That's it?" I replied.
Her lips narrowed into a slight frown. "That's it," she repeated.
That wasn't it. I had been around long enough to know the games that girls played. "I'll have to explain it to her again."
"No need to explain. We understand."
"You understand?" I huffed. She nodded slowly; more games. "Then what's the point of this?"
"The point is that she cares; if your tired brain is struggling to put things together."
"That's nice," I said in frustration before my thoughts had a chance to catch up. "Wait, what do you mean, cares?"
She sighed. "Sometimes you can be dense."
The alarms started going off again; she meant 'cares'. Turning away from her, I paced a few steps as a whole new wave of thoughts hit me. "I assumed you were talking about fancy clothes and fine dining."
"I was," she replied.
Her quick little replies; twisting with riddles, made me clench my fists, and I moved right up to her. "Stop making me dance around," I complained. "Speak your mind."
That look in her eye was back. "My sister and I are inseparable," she spoke low and keenly. "She means the world to me."
"No one's trying to separate you."
"I've seen her hurt before," she continued, "and never want to feel that pain again."
"I don't want to hurt her . . . or you," I replied defensively.
"Fool," she said sharply, surprising me.
"Fool? I've been as straightforward as possible with both of you. She knows my circumstances . . . that I'm committed to the Jedi Order and my training." I didn't like those dark eyes on me and paced away again. "What could I have done differently?" I sighed, more to myself than Cen'Zeya.
"Nothing," she replied with an edge to her whisper.
Her voice made me look back. "Maybe it's best that we separate," I thought out loud.
"No," her eyes flared, "that would make it worse."
Exasperated, and beginning to feel the full weight of what Cen'Zeya was implying; I wandered to the edge of my bed and sat down. The simple, fun times that we had been sharing together seemed to have suddenly been tainted with complexity. Head down, in my moment of contemplation, I saw Cen'Zeya's feet as she stepped up to me. "I didn't want this to happen," I said; looking up at her.
"That is why you're a fool."
I flipped my hand up in disgust. "Okay, fine, I'm the fool." I looked back down and began working to get my shoes off. Cen'Zeya knelt before me and put her hands on my feet to still them, then slid her delicate fingers up to my knees and looked into my face. Serious, questioning eyes bore into me. "What can I do?" I asked.
She focused on removing my shoes for a moment before answering. "Infatuation doesn't last long," she said flatly. "Bzy's smart enough . . . and will figure things out in time."
"Figure what out?" I asked as she slid my shoes across the floor to my dresser, showing me her curvy, mostly gown-covered backside as she crawled away.
"That you're too important for us, too shallow and rakish to care about, and not worth the heartbreak." Her voice was impassive as she crawled back and put her hands on my knees again.
"Wow," I sighed, "I've been around callous, greedy diplomats all day, and you've managed to insult me better than any of them."
"It's not an insult," she replied calmly, her canny eyes watching me. "It's what you want, right . . . how you expected us to feel about you?"
"I thought that's what we all wanted. You know, something fun and casual, good for everyone," I complained.
"Sure," she agreed smoothly, "for you and me it works great."
"Your sister's different?" I asked.
Cen'Zeya calmly circled her fingers on my knees. "She's always been more fanciful, dreaming about fairy-tale endings and chivalrous white knights. Sometimes her thoughts drift beyond the facts of reality."
"I'm a knight," I protested.
"Yes," she replied quietly, "but not the one in Bzy's fantasy. You're a knight of the real world, with scars and flaws; capable of displaying contempt just as much as chivalry."
"I'm starting to feel like you don't like me," I replied. It also felt like Cen'Zeya was the duel of wits, and I needed to do better.
"I don't feel anything for you," she answered, her voice still cool and calculated.
Her words stung, but part of me realized that they shouldn't have because I wasn't supposed to care either. I also didn't like this sudden level of honesty we were having. "So, what do we do about your sister?"
"As I said, she'll come around in time. Until then, we'll have to tread lightly while I correct her feelings about you."
"Tread lightly?" I questioned. That statement sounded ominous.
"Continue treating her as you have, and don't chase tail."
I bristled at the thought. "Why, it's never been brought up before?"
"If you care about us, then don't."
"But it doesn't make sense . . ."
"It's not going to," she snapped. "Nothing about love makes sense. I know my sister very well, and I'm trying to help you not break her heart."
The words love and breaking hearts hit me like a ton of bricks. I sat stunned for a minute as if she had just Force pushed me into a wall. I wanted to say; hell no! wanted to protest against any kind of restrictions. Who does she think she is? My stubborn side protested. Her eyes were watching me closely, and I felt Kira and Master Din watching me as if through those same eyes. "How are you going to 'correct' her feelings? That sounds a little harsh."
"I'll drop hints here and there, make her see all your flaws. She'll come around."
Her explanation made me feel defensive. In a way, it felt good to know that B'Zeya cared romantically about me, even if I had no idea how to deal with her feelings at the moment. "I haven't you know," I responded with a more irascible voice than I would have liked. "Not with anyone else while we've been together."
"Curious," she whispered as her eyes narrowed; hands gripping my knees. "Why do you think that is?"
"I don't know," I fretted. "Tonight was especially difficult." Her inquisitive eyes bore into me until I felt compelled to answer her question further. "It's just that I'm tired of defending myself from Kira's constant attacks. She sent a report to the council, and I had to spend over an hour explaining myself to Master Din." The memory of it made me annoyed all over again. I looked away from Cen'Zeya's probing eyes and tried to brush her hands off me. "Now I'm having to justify myself to you, too."
"You don't have to explain anything to me," she whispered, "I deserve no consideration."
My eyes flashed with anger, and I looked back at her face. She had claimed victory. The battle of wits was over. In the last five minutes, she had befuddled me and twisted my feelings into a pretzel. I had become emotional while she knelt before me cool and calm. I have feelings for them? my mind asked bewilderingly. "I want you to leave me now," I huffed.
She rose on her knees and slid her hands up onto my thighs; her eyes shifting to a sultry gaze. "I haven't finished helping you undress yet," she whispered.
"You've done quite enough to aggravate me already," I complained.
"Then we'll have to fix that," she replied as her hands continued to my waist.
I stopped her hands with mine, a little confused by the abrupt change of mood. "You just got done telling how much of a cad I am. Why would I accept you now?"
She gave me a knowing grin, which in a way made it worse. "If I let you stew about our little talk, you might get resentful and do something rash."
"I'm already resentful," I grumbled.
"See," she agreed, "if I let you simmer over it, you might come up with a crazy idea like getting rid of me."
"So, you're going to manipulate me with sex?" My words echoed through my mind and somewhere in the deep recesses an answer returned; like she's been doing since you met, idiot. Her gaze into my eyes showed that she shared my moment of clarity. "What about your sister?" I asked in frustration.
"We have an understanding," she stated.
"An understanding?" I questioned.
She nodded as her hands worked out of my grip and slid up to my waist, pressing her body between my knees at the same time. I was so primed that a growl escaped my lips as she drew close, and I bent forward to kiss her. The touch of her lips was like a match to my kindled desire, and my hands grabbed her eagerly as our tongues entwined. Her fingers worked between us to unclasp my pants, touching my lust with tantalizing movements. My hands began to pull at her nightgown, and to my surprise, she shifted to pull away from me.
"My," she whispered coyly as she placed her hand over my groin, "something's not tired."
"You have no idea," I complained, reaching again to pull off her gown.
She shifted again. "Not tonight," she stated.
I was stunned. "You would reject me?"
Her eyes flashed with their own indignation. "She's going to ask me about tonight."
Cen'Zeya was talking about her sister, which made me have to switch gears again. "I thought you had 'an understanding'?"
"We do, but I want to be careful." Cen'Zeya had never refused me before, and it angered me that her sister was coming between us. Things were getting more complicated by the moment. She must have noticed the frustration in my eyes. "Come on," she soothed, "like there isn't a hundred other ways that I can make you happy right now."
"Why don't you show me a few," I grumbled.
She did, and afterward, I lay fulfilled and exhausted on the bed with her lying next to me. I was so pent up from ignoring my desire all day that I was almost too aroused, like an inexperienced teenager. Cen'Zeya was very skilled, however, and brought me to an intense first release before reviving me again for a more prolonged pleasure. My thoughts drifted curiously to how she came by such skills before I forced the uncomfortable idea away. It still irritated me that she had rebuffed me, and I slid my hand onto her thigh; rolling to my side and looking into her eyes as my fingers explored upwards.
"Not sated yet," she said with a grin as her hand drifted down to deftly cover mine.
I didn't like her mischievous grin or blocking hand. A dangerous thought drifted up from my impetuous depths; I could force her. She owes it to me, the thought went on; it's my right. Shocked that those ideas existed in me, I pushed away from her and sat up. That kind of behavior was beyond my morals, and it sure wasn't Jedi-like. "I'm tired, and it's late," I replied.
The bed shifted as she rolled out of it and walked around to stand in front of me. "I should go then." I looked up at her with my full displeasure showing when our eyes met. Her smile faded, "Don't look so mad."
"I'll be mad if I want to," I snapped back. That statement sounded childish, and the exposure of that inner child irritated me. "I'm hungry," I added to cover my outburst, "what did you eat for dinner . . . are there any leftovers?"
"You ate at one of the most elegant restaurants on Nar Shaddaa, and you want my leftovers?"
"Yes," I muttered, "that fancy restaurant had tiny portions, and the spices were weird."
"So you're saying that you like my cooking better?"
"You know what tastes good . . . it's like home cooking."
Inexplicably, she leaned down and kissed me on the mouth, her hands falling on my shoulders and her lekku dangling down my bare chest. Our tongues danced together, and I bit her lips playfully until she pulled back as suddenly as the kiss began. "That was the nicest thing you've ever said to me," she whispered.
I felt she was going to back away from me and leave then, so my hands reached out and blocked her escape. She played along as I pulled her into me and buried my face into her soft chest. My body was growing heated again, despite how late it was, and my hands started roaming until Cen'Zeya stopped them again. I pulled back and looked up at her with a flash of ire in my eyes. "I want you," I breathed. Again, she made me display my feelings.
"No," she chided, "and don't be a spoiled brat about it."
I clutched her sternly with my hands, stung by her words. It was hard to not be petulant of her rejection because I didn't often have to endure it. At the same time, I enjoyed her embrace and relished her attention. "I didn't want those other women," I admitted, "haven't wanted anyone else in a while."
"Careful, Jedi Knight," she whispered, "that sounds a lot like you've formed an attachment."
"Nonsense," I sighed, "I just know what I like." She gave me a skeptical stare. "Stay with me tonight," I asked suddenly, not wanting her to leave.
"You haven't listened to anything I've said," she scolded as she pushed gently to get out of my grip. My eyes displayed the frustration and irritation I felt, and her expression softened. "You've got a lot of emotions that aren't very Jedi-like," she teased.
"What, are you my master now?" I grumbled.
"Maybe," she responded slyly.
The tone in her voice surprised me, and I did not like the depth of her gaze. "Get out," I huffed.
"I won't leave you angry," she replied.
"Then why are you goading me?"
"Because you're not listening," she replied gently, "and you're still thinking only about yourself."
"I've listened," I rebutted.
"Don't hurt my sister," she said in a low, stern voice, "and don't tell her we talked about this."
Irritation flashed through me again that she was telling me what to do. "Yes, master," I growled impetuously as I met her gaze.
"You've got a lot to learn, padawan." I couldn't tell if she was kidding or not, and that worried me. "Are we okay then?"
"No, we're not okay," I complained. "I feel like everything's changed for the worse."
She leaned down and kissed me softly. "Just for a little while," she whispered, "and then I'll be yours as much as you want me." With that, she stood up and left.
Later, while I lay under the covers waiting for sleep to come, I couldn't help feeling like things had gotten significantly more complicated between me and the twins. Cen'Zeya had never shown me that fortitude before. I had always simply thought of her as the quieter, more distant sister. Now, I knew that she was the one I needed to be careful of.
I woke up early, despite still being sleepy. Something was bothering me, and though I wanted to think that it was my conversation with Cen'Zeya or my father, the sense I got in the Force made me think it was different. Divining the currents in the Force and understanding what they meant was not my forte, I was more a man of action, but I did have a sense of the greater, cosmic Force, and today it felt different. There was tension in my mind and body when I rolled out of bed, so I decided to do my exercise routine. I lifted weights physically and then incorporated Force powers into the cycles to exercise both skills at the same time. Afterward, I slipped on the muscle electro-stim bands and beat up on the bag for a while to get a cardio workout.
I was just starting to warm down when the ship's computer chimed. "Sir, you have an incoming call from Coruscant," it alerted me.
"Patch it though," I answered. In a moment the console along the wall lit up and projected a hologram of General Var Suthra.
"Sorry to call so early," the general stated, "but somethings come up."
"It's no problem, I was already up."
"I sent you to Nar Shaddaa for more than leave, to be honest. It was just a hunch a few days ago, but now I fear we've got problems."
"What's going on?" I asked, beginning to wonder if the shift in the Force was connected.
"The Republic has several secret projects operating on Nar Shaddaa. I can't go into too many details because I need to get authorization, but a while back an agent was sent to check on a research op the military was conducting. Unfortunately, he hasn't checked in and isn't responding to contact requests."
"Okay, how can I help?"
"I just wanted to give you a heads up and make sure you were available this afternoon. I've called a high-level meeting to obtain clearance for you and Kira. When I have it, I'll bring you up to speed."
"I was supposed to meet my father for several hours after lunch, but I can bow out."
"Yes," the general nodded, "I heard your father was on the moon with you. The Iridonian mining operations are critical to Republic industry, especially for the military. We could use your connections."
"I've had my fill of politics and my father," I grumbled.
"I was told you have good relations with your father?"
"When I'm doing everything he wants, that is." The general gave me a quizzical look. "He's not a fan of my choice to become a Jedi . . . feels it's 'beneath' me."
"Ah," the general nodded, "being a Jedi is a great honor."
"Not according to him. He thinks of Jedi as peace officers and the son of a high councilor shouldn't have a simple job."
"I've got my share of family conflicts, so I can sympathize. I'd appreciate it if you kept this afternoon open, though. If I get clearance, I want you to follow up on this agent's whereabouts right away."
"No problem on my end," I replied.
"Very well, I'll contact you sometime after lunch." The com was cut, and the hologram faded away.
I took a shower and went out to the main area to get something to eat. Cen'Zeya was still asleep, so I just grabbed some protein bars and a fruit drink to wash them down. B'Zeya was sitting in the nook watching a show when I walked up.
"Hey," she said with a smile as I sat down next to her.
"How are you?" I asked before taking a bite of my bar.
"Okay," she replied. "That doesn't look very appetizing."
"It'll do," I replied with a shrug.
"Cenny said you wanted to eat leftovers when you got home last night."
They talk about everything, my mind registered. Suddenly, many moments from the past months flashed through my mind from a more tangled perspective. They talk about everything; I thought again as the significance sank in.
"Oh yeah?" I mumbled. "What else did she say?"
B'Zeya seemed to realize that she had opened Pandora's box and looked away. "Nothing," she replied weakly. We sat for a moment awkwardly before she shifted, "she said you haven't slept around lately." Her voice was sharp and curious as if she couldn't hold back her interest any longer.
"Yeah," I muttered, feeling confused by the conversation we were having and worried about where it could lead.
"So why aren't you chasing women?" she snipped. I didn't answer, wondering what to say. "Cenny said that you're angry about being accused of acting like an animal."
"That's part of it."
"Only part?" she asked sharply.
"Yep," I replied guardedly. We studied each other as I fought the urge to just get up and walk away. I didn't want to expand on my feelings, but she seemed expectant. "Master Din gave me a long speech about how part of Jedi training includes controlling our bodies and emotions. He seemed concerned about my 'indulgences' as he put them, and said they might expose me to temptation from the dark side."
"The dark side?" B'Zeya asked.
"The side of the Force that turns Jedi to the Sith."
"I didn't know the Force had sides."
"The Force is complicated," I mumbled.
"So sleeping around is going to corrupt you? Does that include me?"
Our eyes searched each other's and I realized how deep and complicated of a question she had just asked me. "It's not that simple."
"I thought you said it was your custom? Something expected by your culture."
"It is," I replied defensively.
"So are Jedi celibate?"
"No!" I spat quickly. "Master Din didn't go that far. He said it was more about control." I looked away from her then with thoughts of escaping the awkward conversation.
"So, you want to control me? Limit our time together?" B'Zeya's voice sounded distant.
"That's not it," I looked back at her, "I'm supposed to control myself."
"That doesn't sound like you," she replied.
Her words seemed harsh, and I could have imagined Kira saying the same thing. "Cenny said you were mad at me for leaving you yesterday," I stated; trying to change the subject.
She looked a little surprised but recovered quickly. "Are you embarrassed by me?" she asked.
"No," I replied with a frown. "I gave you my reason."
"That you didn't want to share me," she replied with a twist of her lip, "that sounds weird."
"Fine, don't believe me," I waved my hand at her. "You have no idea how my father or his friends behave."
"I know how you behave," she whispered.
Her words sounded harsh again. "I spared you from it, you should be thankful."
"It wouldn't have shocked me. I lived in a brothel you know."
"I don't want you behaving like that with my father," I protested.
"Why should it matter," she replied. "Are you getting possessive with us?"
"Maybe it shouldn't matter," I shrugged; irritated by her words.
"But you didn't take us anyway," she continued, seeming to question each of my statements.
"Because!" I blurted out before calming myself again, "it's just weird to think about you with my father like that."
Her gaze shifted strangely as if she sensed something in my words. Then her expression went flat. "You do it with my sister," she countered.
Suddenly the discomfort went to a whole new level. It was hard to imagine how we arrived at this moment, yet at the same time hard to understand how we had never had this conversation before. She had a point, and confusion muddled my thoughts. Why was I objecting to her being with my father when . . . I shook that thought out of my head. Why was I expecting her to be exclusive to me when I . . . That thought had to go too. It became hard to think as I pushed more and more of my thoughts away. "We did it last night," I stated, hoping to make her and my thoughts back off.
B'Zeya seemed to freeze a moment, knowing that I spoke of her sister and me. "She took care of your urge. That's all." Her voice was cool and even.
I knew what she implied. They talk about everything. I physically shifted my body and looked away; the discomfort between us was palpable. I wasn't sure how we had reached this point so quickly, but I was not interested in talking anymore. "I'll catch you later," I said as I got up and walked away without looking back.
I went back to my room, finished my breakfast, and paced around for a bit. Did B'Zeya and I just get into a fight? I wondered. It was hard not to feel like things were spiraling out of control. First, my dad comes to town and now the twins are all complicated. I tried to bury myself in the latest Republic News and my com feeds, but it wasn't working. Then the door chimed, and B'Zeya stepped in when I told the computer to open the door. We stood a moment looking at each other before she spoke.
"I'm sorry," she replied in a gentle voice.
I took a step toward her, and she ran to me. In a moment she was in my arms kissing me, her legs curling around my waist as I picked her up. An hour of punching the heavy bag didn't alleviate a fraction of the tension and frustration that her gentle lips did, but I needed more. I moved us to the bed and dropped us on it, my full weight pressing her down. She heaved out a breath into my mouth but did not stop clinging to me with her arms and legs. We were beyond reason, wild with need and passion. The intensity was greater than I could remember. I took what I needed, on the edge of control at times, and she surrendered it willingly; wantonly. Our pace quickened until I reached the release that I needed, and I made sure to bring her with me, hating the accusations of selfishness being thrown at me.
We curled together in the afterglow, holding each other desperately. It was so fulfilling, so natural. I couldn't think of a time it felt better and wondered if make-up sex was a thing we should add to our repertoire, but then the reasons for needing to 'make-up' began to creep into my thoughts. She told me she was sorry but I hadn't.
"I'm sorry about earlier," I whispered. "I didn't want to upset you."
"I know," she replied, snuggling her nose against my neck.
It was there, despite my denials or trying to ignore it. I couldn't unsee it now. She cared about me, and I felt something for her. Was it an 'attachment' as Kira had accused me? Was I breaking the Jedi code? I didn't know those answers, nor did I really know how to navigate things going forward. My MO in the past was to move on . . . find someone else to focus on, but now that option sounded wrong. Why was it wrong? my old self asked incredulously. Because it would hurt B'Zeya and be reckless and uncontrolled, things that Mater Din told me the Jedi should avoid. I hated this new, complicated life.
"What are you thinking?" B'Zeya asked wistfully. She had no idea what a dangerous question that was.
"I don't know," I admitted.
"That doesn't sound good," she sighed.
Don't hurt my sister! echoed Cen'Zeya's warning. "You were amazing . . . are amazing," I whispered; tightening my arm around her.
"That was a little intense," she whispered back. "I thought you were going to break me for a moment."
"Sorry, I guess I lost control."
"I liked it," she admitted quietly.
I sought her lips with mine and we kissed, gently at first until our tongues began to dance. Then I broke away and took a deep breath, not sure my body could take another round. She snuggled back against me and we laid together for a while until I began to think about getting up and taking a shower.
"You know, we haven't shared our feelings like that before, out in the holo-room earlier."
"It didn't go so well," I replied.
"Is that the 'don't know' you are thinking about?"
"Oh, no," I complained, "there's way more to it than that."
"You sound frustrated."
"It is frustrating," I defended. "In the last few days, I've been told I'm selfish, not behaving like a Jedi, acting like an animal, and even ordered by my father to give up my foolish dreams about being a Jedi."
"Oh," she sighed, "I thought it was about me corrupting you."
I rolled on my side and looked down at her. "Sex doesn't corrupt a Jedi. There is no code against it." Her eyes studied mine, and we both knew that there was a big 'but' missing at the end of my sentence. "I can't form commitments," I finally added, unsure what to do with the words I just spoke.
"I understand," she sighed, her eyes seeming sympathetic.
"I'm impressed . . . 'cause I don't understand."
"What does that mean?" she laughed.
"Well, according to Kira we are in a commitment." Her eyes sparkled thoughtfully. "Where does the line exist? I mean at what point do two people form a bond instead of just needing or using one another?" I paused in thought, and she just watched me. "Do I have a bond with my master? Is that wrong? I'm compelled to do things for General Var Suthra, does that mean I have a bond with him?" I laid back in frustration. "I didn't think about this shit before," I sighed, "I just did what I thought was right."
"I'm sorry," she said softly, "I don't mean to be a complication."
"I know; it's not your fault." We lay quiet for a moment, and I felt the need to say more. "I'm going to have to figure some of these things out. Mater Din expects me to report back to him in a few weeks. I don't want to hurt you, and I like what we have together, but I can't promise you anything. It's hard to know how this issue will sort out."
"Jaren," she said calmly, rolling on her elbow to look down at me this time. "I'm not some doe-eyed child . . . I understand that life can get complicated."
"I like simple things," I admitted. "I like simple talk, simple associations, simple sex." She smiled at me knowingly. "The problem is, nothing feels simple at the moment."
"I'm not asking anything of you?"
"I know," I sighed in response but wondered if it was true. "I just wanted you to understand that things are happening, and I'm not trying to hurt you."
"Well," she replied as her fingers traveled across my chest gently, "I like what we have too, and I like talking to you about your feelings."
'Feelings' was a trigger word for me, and it made me roll to a sitting position at the edge of the bed. "Well, I'm done talking for now. I've gotta get a shower." I got up and headed to the bathroom.
"Let me help," she said as I heard her get up and follow me.
B'Zeya and I cleaned up, and I went out to the main hold to find C2-N2. The droid was down in the lower storage rooms checking inventory.
"Did Kira tell you where she was going?" I asked the droid.
"I'm sorry, Master, she did not. Would you like me to put a trace on her com?"
"Yes, I want to know where she is."
"Very well, I will have the ship's computer try to locate her."
I went back to the holo-room and saw the twins sitting in the nook. Cen'Zeya gave me a thoughtful, knowing look. They talk about everything. I decided to go to my room, feeling like some Jedi meditation was in order.
About mid-afternoon I received the call from General Var Suthra. While moving to the holo-room to take the call on the big projector I got C2-N2's attention. "The ship was supposed to track down Kira," I stated.
"I'm sorry, Master, I had the location sent to your personal data folder. There should be a record of it . . ."
"Never mind. Try to contact her and patch her into the call with the general."
"Of course, Master, it will be done right away."
I continued into the holo-room and noticed the twins sitting in the cubby where they usually hung out. "Put the call through to the holo-terminal," I told the ship's computer.
The image of the general appeared in the large hologram, his Mon Calamarian eyes focusing on me as I walked up. "Hello Jedi, I hope this is a good time."
"I'm trying to track down my padawan, but we can begin."
"Well, I got the clearance I needed to bring you up to speed," he said candidly, "and I'm sending you all the reports that I have on the mission."
"What is the subject?" I asked.
"It's about a top-secret set of experiments being run to develop cybernetic warriors called the Power Guard project. It was brought to me by a top scientist at the Coruscant Cybernetics Institute, and I pushed the project through high command. Nar Shaddaa was chosen as the project location, and a project military lead was selected by SIS, that's Strategic Intelligence Services, to lead the development. I lost track of things several years ago because it was moved to another division, but recently some concerns have been raised about secrecy and ethical treatment. A report was filed, and the project lead went silent."
"This doesn't sound good," I commented. Kira's image appeared in the hologram beside the general. I saw her make eye contact with me, but I didn't address her.
"It gets worse. An SIS agent named Galen was selected to perform a review and was sent to Nar Shaddaa a month ago. He was working with the SIS team based in the Republic Sector and had preliminary contact with the project, writing his superiors a brief list of concerns. Unfortunately, he went missing last week and the SIS team only has a few thin leads to his whereabouts and even less information on the Power Guard project."
"Sounds like years of secrecy are coming back to bite us," Kira stated through the holo-com.
"Unfortunately, that's not all. Chief Rieekan, the man in charge of the Nar Shaddaa office, thinks he's detected an Imperial infiltration into the Republic Sector, and that the Imperials might be behind Agent Galen's disappearance. He's caught some indications that the head of this Imperial team is a Sith Lord."
"Sounds like we have a whole list of problems to solve," I mumbled.
"Yes, and I'd say that a Jedi is critical to combating whatever the Imperials have planned. I want you to make contact with Chief Rieekan and learn everything about what's going on. Your top priority is to recover all of the Power Guard records and resources. Make sure none of it falls into the wrong hands. Finding Agent Galen and foiling whatever plans the Imperials have are secondary."
"Does the Section Chief know we're coming?" I asked.
"I've already sent him a message to turn everything over to you. He's expecting you soon, so if you could get over there sometime . . ." The general's face looked off-screen for a moment. "I show your time as fifteen thirty, can you make it over there this evening?"
"I can leave right now," I replied.
"Great. The Power Guard project was in its final phase, so I can't stress enough how bad things would be if it fell into the wrong hands."
"We'll get on it, and I'll contact you when I have a status report."
"Excellent, I'll count on you then." The general's image nodded and then faded out. Kira's shifted to fill the whole hologram.
"Well, you heard it," I stated, "can you make it back here fast?"
"Probably easier to meet you there. I'm on the refugee level of the Republic Sector."
I checked the console to see if the files were done transmitting. "I've got the files, so I'll send you the coordinates and we'll meet up."
The hologram faded, and I took a moment to transfer the files to my personal com. The twins were watching me from the nook. "Sounds like a pretty serious mission," Cen'Zeya said thoughtfully."
"Yeah. It seems like I'm going to be out late this evening."
"Be careful," I heard B'Zeya call out as I turned and headed to my room to collect my things.
The coordinates led me to the largest promenade in the Republic Sector; a multi-story shopping and entertainment complex with office towers attached. I flew the speeder along the traffic routes to the bottom floor and then into what looked like a maintenance corridor before entering a dingy, poorly lit overflow storage bay. Finally, at the back of the storage bay, there was a maintenance turbolift with an access code.
Kira was waiting there when I parked the speeder and got out. "You pick the best places to meet up," she grinned.
"I wouldn't expect a spy operation anywhere near here, would you?" I joked as I checked the files for the access code. Once pressed in, the lift opened and we boarded. The notes said to go to the third level, and I pressed the button for it.
"From the way the general was acting, it kinda sounds like the Power Guard project was a little shady. Did you read any of the files?" Kira asked.
"No, I came right here."
"Well, nothing like surprises to spice things up," she mumbled.
The door swished open, and we stepped into a narrow hallway with a metal door at the end. The door opened as we approached to reveal a man standing in a small reception area. For any non-suspecting person, it would look like a small business entryway.
"Jedi Knight Dwar and his padawan Kira Carson. It's nice to meet you," the man said as he stretched out his hand.
"I take it you are Chief Rieekan?"
"General Var Suthra gave me the heads up . . . and the lift warns us when someone's coming." He was inspecting us with an observing eye as he spoke. "Come in, we've got much to discuss."
Chief Rieekan led us through the main operations room where several agents were working at stations. "This is Special Agent Tandor and Agent Diyaz, they're my two intelligence analysts for this network. I've got other agents in the field right now along with quite a few non-Republic assets and contacts."
I nodded at the two agents, who looked pretty wound up. "Was Agent Galen part of this network?"
"No, he reported up the chain to Coruscant, but he worked out of this office when necessary and knew our network."
"When was the last time you had contact with him?"
"Eight days ago he logged a short call with me around nineteen hundred hours. He was frustrated that the project lead was not being very helpful, something about having to dig for information and peel back layers. It didn't seem too urgent though, to be honest. I wasn't expecting trouble."
"We found out that an Imperial asset was in the area the next day," Agent Tandor spoke up.
"How did you find that information?"
"A contact from the area noticed suspicious activity and asked around. One of the locals was a former Imperial and mentioned that some of the attire and equipment was Empire make."
"That's kind of thin evidence," I stated.
"Diyaz has been intercepting encrypted signals coming from the area too," Agent Tandor answered. "Some from the same time as the witness accounts. We haven't been able to break the encryption but it's most likely Imperial."
"General Var Suthra told me that there was a Sith Lord involved?"
"Yeah," Chief Rieekan said, "We've got a plant in the Imperial Sector. She works at the main landing platform and reported seeing a Sith Lord fly in early this morning. The Imperial chatter we've picked up nearby became very active after his arrival, so we assume that he's part of the team if not its lead."
"Do you know it's a he?" I asked.
"That's what the mole reported."
"Agent Galen knew this whole operation," Agent Tandor spoke more forcefully. "He's been missing for over a week, and I am concerned we're compromised."
"We talked about this . . ." Chief Rieekan began to say.
"That was before Gobis Pin'guey disappeared, and Agent Hintra thinks two of his local assets are missing as well."
"Our local contacts come and go, you know that." The Chief argued.
"We're compromised," Agent Tandor snapped, "I can feel it."
"We've been over this already," Chief Rieekan's voice began to rise. "If you've got more compelling information then put it in a report."
"The general seemed to think it was important for me to make contact with you guys tonight?" I asked before the agent was able to protest further.
The Chief turned his focus to me. "When I talked to the general earlier I mentioned that we were doing some research on signals that might be related to Agent Galen's disappearance. Let me go and check if the results are back." The chief left us with the two skittish agents.
"When were you made aware of the Power Guard project?" I asked.
"Not until Agent Galen showed up," Agent Diyaz replied.
"He was pretty tight about it too," Agent Tandor added, "kept saying he didn't have authorization to speak about it."
"Why are you so convinced that you are compromised?" I asked Agent Tandor.
"Like I said, we've had disappearances and people are missing report-in times. Agent Galen's body wasn't recovered, so that can only mean he was taken for information. If he cracked then the Imperials have got everything on us."
"Nothing is confirmed though," Agent Diyaz added.
"How long do you want us to wait?" Agent Tandor got agitated, "when half of us are dead or captured?"
"Okay," I put my hand up, "let's keep cool."
"Easy for you to say . . ." Agent Tandor began to complain when my com chimed. Everyone paused and looked at my pocket. I pulled the palm-com out, and it chimed again.
"Just a second," I urged as I stepped away to answer. The two agents looked at me in frustrated surprise.
"Master," C2-N2 appeared in the holo above my palm-com.
"This isn't a good time," I complained, "what is it?"
"I'm sorry, Master. I should not have interrupted you, but the ship received a contact from the Jedi enclave on Taris, and I thought it may be important to you."
I glanced over at Kira who was shaking her head at me. "Patch it through," I said.
"Of course, Master. Patching it through you now."
The hologram flickered and refocused on a Jedi's face. "Is this Jedi Knight Dwar?" the man asked.
"Yes," I answered. "What's this about?"
"I am Master Ryen. I believe you spoke to my colleagues about an attack on the enclave a week ago."
"I did, you were injured in an altercation with a Sith, as I recall."
"That is true," the man sighed, "and my padawan was taken captive. When I was brought out of my coma several days ago, they informed me."
Kira stepped up to me in frustration and the other SIS agents were watching from a distance. "I'm sorry to hear that," I replied calmly, "I hope you are recovering from your injuries."
"Slowly," the master sighed again. "I was told that you fought the Sith earlier on the same day."
"I believe I did; she was short with black hair and a dark complexion. She wore a black cloak with a hood and she fought with lightning and lightsaber."
"That was her," the master mumbled. "She goes by the name of Lord Kallig. The SIS Taris team managed to collect that information."
Kira cleared her throat next to me and I noticed the agents looking on in frustration. "Listen, this isn't a good time," I replied to Master Ryen. "Can I call you back?"
"She contacted me," he said quickly, "it was about Ashara, my padawan. The Sith wants us to take Ashara's things to a dropbox on Nar Shaddaa in two days."
I stiffened at his words. The disturbance in the Force seemed to make sense; she was here. "I'm on Nar Shaddaa now," I replied.
The master's eyes opened wider. "I don't believe that is a coincidence."
"A shift in the Force woke me this morning, I believe it might have been her."
"Jaren," Kira protested.
"Who is that?" Master Ryen's image switched focus onto Kira.
"She is my padawan, Kira Carson. It's her," I stated confidently, "the Sith is here," I added, trying to ignore Kira and the others, "I sense it."
Kira shook her head again. "Even if she is," she paused to let me know she disagreed, "this moon is large with billions of people on it, there's no way we are going to find her that quickly, and we have more pressing issues."
"The padawan is right," Master Ryen said thoughtfully. "The drop is supposed to take place in two days and I won't be able to make the trip, but my friend Master Ocera will bring Ashara's things with another Jedi Knight. I contacted you because you have experience with this Sith that would be valuable in case she is confronted, though I wasn't sure you were available."
"I will be there," I stated emphatically. Kira gave me a shocked look of disapproval.
"I would appreciate that. Master Ocera will have your com-link and contact you to coordinate a meet-up before the drop. Can I send you my padawan's information so that you can identify and protect her?"
"Sure, send anything you have on this Lord Kallig as well," I replied as I glared back at my padawan.
"Thank you," the master replied before cutting the com.
"Sorry," I said, shifting my attention back to the others.
"I just told you that we were compromised and that every second counted," Special Agent Tandor complained, "and you go and take a personal call."
"It wasn't a personal call," I objected, "and Chief Rieekan seemed to think it was safer to keep the operation here."
"He's wrong," Agent Tandor persisted, "we're exposed and at risk."
"I'm not going to override the operations commander on a feeling. Do you have any proof that this location is compromised?"
"Agent Galen has been captured. Isn't that proof enough?"
"We don't even know that," I countered, "only that he hasn't reported in."
"What other reason would there be to not report in for days?" Agent Tandor was growing heated.
"We need more information before making any important decisions."
"I think I've got something," Chief Rieekan stated as he came back into the main area from his office. "It looks like the com system picked up some clicks from Galen's transponder."
"Clicks?" I asked.
"Agents can set triggers on their com device to ping their location in case of an emergency, things like motion, physical proximity, or heartbeat. I can't tell what caused it to go off, but I think we've got a general location where he disappeared."
"It's a start," I replied.
"The last ping was about thirty hours ago in the Nikto Sector. I've got the coordinates."
"Agent Tandor is still concerned about vulnerability."
The chief turned to address Agent Tandor. "I'm not going to abandon this location. We've spent too much time and resources setting it up."
"It'll do us no good if we're compromised and all end up dead," Agent Tandor countered.
"Transmit a contact code to all our agents," Chief Rieekan ordered, "see how many respond." Frustrated, the agent turned and walked away. "I've got a contact in the Nikto sector," the Chief went on, "I'll see if they can put eyes on the location."
"That would be helpful," I replied. "It's been a long day and I want to check the Jedi database for information. We can return and begin searching for Agent Galen first thing in the morning."
"That sounds good," Chief Rieekan nodded. "I'll let you know what my contact comes up with about the location."
We said goodbye and took the turbolift back to our speeder in silence. It wasn't until we were on our way back to the ship that Kira started with her comments. "I think we should stay out of the Jedi enclave's business. We've got enough of our own problems to sort out."
"A padawan has been taken hostage, doesn't that bother you?"
"Sure, but your desire to get back at the Sith lord bothers me even more."
"I know what I'm doing," I mumbled.
"Even Master Drya noticed your emotional reaction to this Sith. I don't think she would approve of you getting involved."
"She doesn't have to approve, and neither do you."
"The agents back there were scared and confused. They deserved our focus and support. Taking that call in the middle of the conversation was callous."
"They have a chief. It's his job to babysit them."
"That's not saying much. It seemed like the chief was in over his head. I agreed with Agent Tandor, better safe than sorry."
"It's not your decision," I said sharply. "Don't override the man in charge."
"Even if he's making a mistake? He would have listened to you if you were more forceful."
"The chief made a valid decision. Besides, moving the operation might make them more vulnerable."
We flew on in silence until we reached the platform the Defiant rested on. I landed the speeder and shut it down before Kira started up again. "You fault the agents for getting worked up about conjecture but then you go off talking about how you know 'she's' here. Doesn't that make you a hypocrite?"
"Not if I'm right."
She shook her head at me. "One little jab at your ego and you just can't let it go."
"Don't presume to know my motivations, padawan."
She pulled herself out of the speeder and stood next to it. "Well, we've got plenty to concern ourselves with for General Var Suthra." She turned away and left me. I sat in the speeder for a while after she entered the ship, wondering what it would be like to have a padawan that worked together with me for a change. My mood was stirred up, and I knew it wasn't about Kira or the missing agent, it was something deeper than that. Change seemed to be the word of the day, starting with the twins, and I sensed more change coming. It felt ominous.