A/N:
Welp, it happened again – I got, very unexpectedly, struck by inspiration, and started working on this story about a week ago, I think. I wasn't entirely certain where this was going, at first, but by now, I have major plot points outlined. This story is set at the beginning of The High Lord, but will be featuring characters and referencing information from the other books set in this world, so proceed with caution.
I'd like to give a shout-out to Kindle-the-Stars, whose story "The Residence by Night" inspired this. Though I am sorry to say that my story doesn't feature a shirtless Akkarin (as of yet).
Additional tags/content warning:
Drama ~ Eventual Romance ~ Trauma ~ Canon-Typical Violence ~ Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms ~ Implied/Referenced Self-Harm ~ Self-Hatred ~ Found Family ~ Friendship ~ Emotional Hurt/Comfort ~ Slavery ~ Blackmail ~ Hostage Situations ~ Forgiveness ~ Sonea is too good for this world ~ She's practically a saint ~ and Akkarin knows this ~ Takan is a mother hen ~ so is Akkarin ~ it's a competition ~ Sonea is confused ~ Akkarin is bad at feelings ~ But he's trying ~ Pining ~ Akkarin's raising a forest by himself ~ Flashbacks ~ Panic Attacks
The fact that the door to the library was open was a small comfort to Sonea. Granted, Akkarin had never told her that she wasn't allowed to use it, but, seeing as she spent most of her time avoiding him, she hadn't visited the library in the High Lord's residence before. She was usually holed up in her room, or tried to find a quiet place to study somewhere inside the university.
Ever since she had challenged Regin to a fight in the Arena – and soundly beaten his snobbish ass – he and his friends had left her alone. That made studying at the university much nicer. No longer did she have to worry about her things being messed with, her notes being stolen, or her experiments being ruined. And, most of all, she no longer had to worry about them waylaying her in the corridors, or in the gardens.
Despite that, Sonea still had to fight the urge to flee whenever she saw Regin outside of classes. He had tormented her for so long, it was difficult for her to react differently. However, she was fairly certain that he was unaware that his mere presence unsettled her so much. She was sure that he'd never let her hear the end of it otherwise.
Sonea stepped into the library and consulted her notes to remind herself what she was looking for. She had no idea how this library was organised, or if what she needed was even in here. Well, if she found nothing, she could always go to the Novice's Library.
She briefly considered hunting down Takan, Akkarin's servant, to ask him for help, but decided not to. While Takan seemed harmless enough, he was his master's loyal servant, and that was enough to make Sonea distrust him. She didn't want Akkarin to stick his nose into her business, and there was a chance Takan would report whatever she did to him. No, she was better off trying to figure this out by herself.
Unfortunately, asking Viola, her servant, would be pointless – Viola had only been employed here after Sonea had become Akkarin's novice – after he had forcibly taken her guardianship away from Rothen. Akkarin wasn't her guardian, he was her jailer. And she nothing but a hostage.
Sonea wasn't sure which was greater – the hatred, or the fear she felt whenever she thought of him. She had a feeling that Akkarin was well aware of what she thought of him, which was another reason she tried to avoid him. Seeing as how she was completely at his mercy, Sonea was worried that she might do something to upset him. She had no idea what he would do if pushed too far.
What she did know, however, was that he had killed people before. She'd even seen him do it, once, though she had done her best to try and forget that awful day. Sonea was certain that he wouldn't actually kill her – he needed her alive, after all – the moment she was dead, Rothen and Administrator Lorlen would reveal his secret to the guild. But short of killing her, he could do all sorts of awful things to make her life even more miserable.
Sonea shook her head to rid herself of these morbid thoughts. She needed to focus, and stop wasting time. Shifting the bundle of notes in her arms, she approached one of the shelves, squinting at the titles printed onto the spines of the books, hoping she would be able to tell what kind of section she was currently in. However, none of the titles were familiar, and Sonea let out an annoyed huff.
"Are you looking for anything in particular?"
Heart leaping into her throat, Sonea flinched, and almost dropped her papers. She tried to arrange her features into something that hopefully didn't look completely terrified before turning around. Akkarin was standing a few feet away, arms crossed over his chest.
"Apologies", he said softly, inclining his head. "I did not mean to startle you."
"Then don't sneak up on me!", Sonea snapped, before her brain had time to catch up with her mouth.
Akkarin arched a brow. Sonea turned several shades paler – quite a feat, given her typical Kyralian features – and tried to come up with something to salvage the situation.
"I can't really help it", Akkarin said before she could get a word out.
He lifted his booted foot and stomped on the floor, the thick carpet swallowing the sound completely.
"Oh", said Sonea. "Fair point."
"I was, furthermore, assuming that you knew that I was in here."
"No, I didn't – I thought you were elsewhere, or I wouldn't have come. I didn't mean to disturb you."
"The library is big enough for the two of us", Akkarin pointed out, obviously not buying her excuse. He was, once again, smiling that infuriating half-smile of his.
"Right."
"You still haven't answered my question", he pointed out.
"Oh, um, I – I've run into a problem with one of my assignments, and was going to see if there were any books on that subject here."
"Why not go to the Novice's Library? I'm certain they have the information you seek."
"Too far away", Sonea replied. "I would have tried that, if I didn't find anything here, but – I still have a pile of work to go through, and the day doesn't have enough hours."
He narrowed his eyes. "Are you getting enough sleep?"
"I'm trying my best."
"That's hardly a reassuring answer. While you can keep fatigue at bay by Healing yourself, every Healer will tell you that you should be sleeping instead."
Sonea resisted the urge to roll her eyes. What business was it of his if she slept or not, provided she completed her assignments on time?
Thankfully, he didn't press the issue. Instead, he uncrossed his arms and reached towards her.
"Might I see those?"
Sonea felt a stab of alarm. She didn't like showing her notes to other people – her former classmates had loved humiliating her for her atrocious handwriting – yes, it was awful, she knew that, thank you very much – and her "creative" spelling. Her teachers had never complained – only corrected the mistakes she'd made – but she didn't know if they had ever shown her work to Akkarin. Being the High Lord's chosen novice, he expected her to excel, and Sonea was terrified of not meeting his lofty expectations.
However, she wasn't sure if this was a request, or an order – he was infuriatingly difficult to read. Deciding that she shouldn't push her luck – she'd already been impertinent today, which might yet earn her a punishment – she reluctantly handed over her notes, bracing herself for anger, disappointment, or ridicule.
She waited with bated breath, trying her hardest not to fidget. Akkarin leaved through her small pile, skimming over the pages. He nodded, as if to himself, before looking up. Sonea grew very still.
"I do, indeed, have books on this matter", Akkarin told her, holding her notes out for her to take.
It took her a moment to rouse herself enough to take them back. Akkarin turned and started down the main aisle.
"Follow me."
She hurried to catch up, following two steps behind him. Akkarin turned into one of the smaller aisles and stopped in front of a shelf. After a brief search, he pulled three tomes from the shelf and held them out to her.
"Here, these should help you. Feel free to ask me – or Takan – any time you need books."
"Thank you, High Lord", Sonea replied dutifully, sketching a quick bow. She placed her notes on top of the stacked books and took them from his arms, careful not to touch him in the process.
"You may go."
After casting a quick glance at the shelves, so she'd know where to put the books back later, Sonea did just that, hurrying back to the (relative) safety of her room. It was something like a small sanctuary inside this villain's den – neither Akkarin nor Takan had ever come into her room, as far as she was aware. She fervently prayed that it would stay that way.
The books indeed proved helpful, and she made quick progress. She had no idea how much time had passed when a knock sounded on her door. Sonea reached out with magic and unlatched it, revealing Viola, who was carrying a small tray.
"I heard that you've been studying for hours, my lady, so I brought you some refreshments", the servant explained. "Nuts and sugar are great for studying, I'm told."
Sonea stared at the tray – in addition to a bowl of nuts and an assortment of different fruits, Viola had also brought a pitcher of water.
"Thank you, Viola."
The servant bowed, and left. Sonea glared at the food, feeling a sudden urge to toss it out the window – but she wouldn't do that. To the Dwells, wasting food was a capital offence, and, despite the fact that she'd never gone hungry since coming here, old habits were hard to get rid of – Sonea always made sure to only serve herself as much food as she knew she could eat. Throwing good food away just because it was Akkarin who had sent it would be wasteful.
For he had to be the one behind this – Viola had no way of knowing that she'd been studying all day.
For a brief moment, she was worried that he'd tampered with her food, but she couldn't imagine him – a noble by birth – willingly going into the kitchen, even to get back at her. She also wasn't sure if he'd stoop to something as low as this. Regin would, she was certain, but Akkarin was a different kind of awful.
She cautiously nibbled on one of the fruits, ready to Heal herself should she detect anything abnormal, but the food seemed safe. Sonea shrugged, and continued to eat with her left hand as she went back to writing her essay.
Akkarin always took great pains to make sure he was as well-informed as he could possibly be, and was, therefore, not often surprised. However, his dear novice had managed to surprise him several times the previous day.
Standing behind one of the windows on the first floor of the university, he watched Sonea, who was seated on a bench in the gardens below, a large tome in her lap. Around her, other novices were bustling around, their excited chatter filling the air. It was a Freeday, and most of them were eager to spend their time doing something fun. Not Sonea. No, she was dutifully studying, even when she wasn't supposed to.
She was purposefully keeping her distance from the others, rebuffing everyone who came too close. That was hardly good for a young woman her age, but Akkarin didn't know what to do about it – if she were to befriend other novices, it would increase the likelihood of that novice finding out something they shouldn't.
It's better that she keeps to herself, a nasty little voice piped up. She's saving us a lot of trouble.
Akkarin let out a sigh. He hated the fact that he was putting her through this, hated himself for having ripped her away from Rothen, the only magician who actually, genuinely cared for her well-being, Rothen, who had become almost a father to her. Akkarin grit his teeth. Despite all that – despite the fact that he knew what he was doing was wrong – he didn't see any other options. He couldn't afford to be sentimental – there was too much at stake. Rothen, Sonea and Lorlen had all shown their willingness to turn him in, to expose his secret – and Akkarin wasn't willing to take any risks on that front.
You could tell her the truth, the voice suggested. She's powerful and intelligent, she'd make a formidable ally. Just think of the possibilities...
Akkarin snorted at the foolish notion, remembering all too well how Lorlen had reacted when he'd seen the truth in Sonea's mind. Sonea had, of course, had no idea what she had witnessed, although it had unsettled her – she'd originally thought that Akkarin was an assassin before finding out that he was the High Lord – but Lorlen had understood right away. And had proceeded to condemn Akkarin on the spot.
The only reason Lorlen hadn't acted right away was that he had feared – rightfully so – that not even the entire Guild would be able to bring Akkarin down.
Lorlen had been his closest friend, someone he had trusted with his life, once. Granted, Akkarin had been unable to bring himself to tell Lorlen what had happened during his travels – and unwilling to admit that he had broken one of the Guild's most important laws – that he had learned black magic. There was a reason the Guild had outlawed its use, a reason he was very well aware of. Still, Lorlen's reaction had hurt. And it had proven that he couldn't trust anyone, that he couldn't expect anyone to see him as anything else than a monster.
Which was precisely what he was. His hands were stained with blood, and he was holding three people hostage to keep his dirty little secret buried.
Telling Sonea the truth was out of the question. He had nothing to offer as proof, and she had no reason to trust his word, he had made sure of that himself. Sonea had every reason in the world to resent him, to hate him. She wouldn't care to hear the truth.
Unable to look at her any longer, Akkarin turned away from the window in a swirl of black robes, and started down the corridor, taking long strides. A gaggle of novices who were unfortunate enough to be in his way quickly darted aside to let him pass, bowing respectfully. Akkarin ignored them, too wrapped up in his own thoughts.
After a couple of turns, he had calmed down somewhat, and thought back to the previous day, and Sonea's rather puzzling behaviour.
When she'd first moved into his residence, she'd done everything she could to stay as far away from him as possible. She'd even tried coming back as late as she possibly could, hoping he'd have already retired for the night. However, no matter how late she was, Akkarin had been waiting for her, and eventually, she'd given up.
She'd still spent as much time as possible away from the residence, and, whenever Akkarin had forced her to interact with him, she'd been tense, wary, and reticent. Akkarin could understand why she acted that way around him, but it still irritated him, he had to admit. It wasn't like he wanted her to hate him, to fear him – it had become necessary due to their rather unfortunate circumstances.
Whenever Sonea was in the residence, she kept to her room. She took her meals in the Foodhall, except for the one meal they had together every week, where she spent most of her time staring at her plate. She had never entered any other room inside the residence before, or at least not willingly.
And yesterday, she had come to the library.
Akkarin had been surprised to see her. And even more surprised when she'd snarked at him after he'd startled her. Something she had, very obviously, instantly regretted. However, Akkarin had managed to steer the conversation along before she could start doing something irritating, like beg for forgiveness or something like that. It was the last thing he wanted, especially from someone who was already terrified of him.
The fact that she had been willing to admit that she was stuck had been yet another surprise – Sonea had, so far, done her best to hide her (perceived) shortcomings from him, had done her best to appear undaunted, even though she was anything but. She had also allowed him to see her notes, something that had made her extremely uncomfortable. Akkarin had, initially, not understood why, but things had clicked into place when he'd skimmed her notes. She was certainly doing her best, but she was nowhere near the level a novice her age should be. She was, no doubt, aware of this, and had feared some kind of rebuke.
But she had still done this – had still shown him a part of herself that was rough and unrefined. Her bravery certainly was commendable.
Akkarin knew this change in behaviour had been due to external circumstances, that she would have never come into his library otherwise, but it had still been refreshing to see her come out of her shell a little.
Akkarin descended to the ground floor and exited the building. Once he reached the gardens, he stopped. He knew that he should return to his study, get some work done – there was always too much to do – but part of him didn't want to. It was a fine day, and Akkarin decided that it couldn't hurt to go for a short walk. He often scolded Lorlen for working too much, and taking too little breaks – it would be good, really, if he took his own advice.
Akkarin slowed his pace, and tried to enjoy his little walk. Regretfully, he had found it difficult to enjoy many things in recent years. Some of the things he'd enjoyed doing when he had been younger no longer held any appeal for him, some had even become connected to thoughts and memories that now brought him pain. Among the few things he could still enjoy was a good glass of Anuren dark, and Takan's cooking.
He kept meandering through the gardens, not really caring much where his feet took him. He was, therefore, completely unprepared to round a bend and spot his novice crouched on the path, her back to him.
Akkarin stopped, confused. The tome she'd been reading earlier was nowhere in sight. However, given the fact that he'd lost track of time while he'd been wallowing in regret, it was entirely possible that she had returned the book to the library, and started making her way back to the residence.
Still, that didn't explain what she was doing. She was hunched over, holding something in her cupped hands, constantly whispering to herself. From the pattern he could discern, it seemed like she was repeating the same things over and over. Worried that something might be wrong with her, he sought her mind with his, and was immediately assaulted by strong feelings of pity, compassion, and sorrow. It also became clear to him that she was trying to soothe someone – or something.
Akkarin started forwards again, taking care that his footfalls could be heard – he didn't want to startle her once more. While it had been pleasant to get a different reaction other than fear from her for once, he had not enjoyed it when she'd snapped at him, or accused him of sneaking up on her.
Sonea's head turned a fraction, but she stayed as she was, her litany never ceasing. Akkarin stopped behind her and a little to the side so that she could see him in her peripheral vision. However, Sonea was entirely focused on whatever she was holding.
"Sonea? What's wrong?", he asked, trying his best to sound kind.
Still, she jumped slightly when she realised who he was. She shifted her weight a little and looked up at him, her expression guarded, though not hostile.
"I found something", she replied in a low voice. She seemed reluctant to elaborate on her own.
"Show me?"
She hesitated for a moment before cautiously uncurling her fingers. Nestled in the palm of her hand sat a tiny bird, a young one, by the looks of him.
"His wing is broken", Sonea explained, her expression shifting to show concern and worry. "I think I could Heal it, but – I'm worried that I might do something wrong. If – if I mess this up, he might never fly again."
"That is true. Good thinking on your part, Sonea. However, I must ask – why are you worried about that? You've Healed bones before."
"Those were human bones", she pointed out with a huff. "This feels very different."
"Ah, I see. Do you mind if I take a look?"
She shook her head once, and Akkarin crouched down next to her, making sure to give her enough space.
The bird grew agitated when he approached, however, and Sonea hurried to shush him. Akkarin reached out a finger and placed it on the bird's side, underneath the hale wing. He soon found that Sonea's assessment had been correct – the wing was, indeed, broken. However, he also detected a few strained muscles and sinews – the poor thing must have taken quite the tumble.
"Is there a particular reason you haven't consulted a Healer about this?", Akkarin asked as he retracted his hand.
"The Healers are stretched thin enough as it is. I heard some of them complain about the fact that they have to Heal racehorses. I – didn't want to find out how they'd react if I showed up with a bird. Don't want to give them another reason to look down at me. I'm weird enough as it is."
While Akkarin could understand where she was coming from, he didn't like the fact that she was putting herself down like this. And the fact that some people would react exactly as she feared, he liked even less.
"In that case, we have two options: I Heal the bird, or I guide you through the process. The choice is entirely yours; I'm fine with either option."
She looked up, surprise evident on her face. It stung, quite a bit, and Akkarin hurried to remind himself that she thought of him as a heartless monster. A ruthless murderer. A callous being, incapable of feeling compassion or pity. He forced himself to return her gaze evenly, not letting on how much her reaction upset him.
"I think – I think I'd like to do it myself", she said, visibly steeling herself.
"Very well."
Akkarin sought her mind again, but in a less subtle way than before. She tensed the moment he made contact, and he could sense her reluctance to accept his touch – not surprising considering what he'd done to her. Akkarin forced himself not to dwell on that, the same moment she resolutely buried those feelings. Both of them instead focused on the task at hand, both finding that much more preferable to the thoughts that had just plagued them.
Sonea's worry for the tiny life in her hands was greater than her discomfort, and Akkarin was rather impressed. As soon as she seemed calm enough, Akkarin communicated his findings along with instructions on how to proceed.
— The major difference between birds and almost every other creature is that their bones are hollow, Akkarin told her. You can't treat them the same way as you would the bone of any kind of land creature. Compare the broken wing to the hale one to get an understanding of what it should look like.
Sonea's attention was immediately diverted, and she sent him a mental image of the differences she'd noticed.
— Very good. Now, try to get the broken wing to look like the other one.
Sonea closed her eyes, her features relaxing as she called upon her magic. Akkarin tried to be as nonintrusive as possible as he observed the process, ready to intervene should something go wrong. However, he needn't have worried – within moments, Sonea had fixed the damage. Her eyes opened, and she gently prodded the tiny bird with her index finger.
"There you go, little one", she said softly. "Should be as good as new, now. Why don't you go back home, hm? I bet everyone's worried."
She uncurled her hands all the way and lowered them toward the ground, encouraging the bird to hop off her hands. He did just that, fluffing himself up before stretching his wings. And the next moment, he was gone.
Sonea rocked back on her heels, a brilliant smile on her face. They were still connected, and Akkarin could feel her jubilant joy, the exhilaration caused by being able to help another creature. Akkarin quickly withdrew before she could notice that he was still there, worried it might diminish her joy.
He'd never seen her smile before, and had never expected her to smile in his presence, ever. Her smile did unpleasant things to his guts, and Akkarin mentally berated himself for his lapse in control. It wasn't like he deserved her smiles.
He rose to his feet abruptly, resisting the urge to flee. There was no need to alert Sonea to the turmoil brewing within him. Instead, he dusted off his robes.
Sonea collected herself, although she was still smiling, and rose as well. She didn't seem to mind the dust clinging to her robes, instead, she turned to face him.
"That was very well done", he told her.
She dipped her head, seeming both delighted and humbled by his praise.
"Thank you for your help, High Lord", she replied quietly. Her smile was gone now, but her words seemed earnest enough.
"I am your guardian", Akkarin replied. "I am supposed to teach you, help you better yourself."
"True, but – I can hardly imagine other novices bothering their teachers with something like this."
"You are hardly the average novice."
Her expression shuttered instantly, and Akkarin mentally cursed, realised that he'd misspoken.
"I meant that in the best way possible", he tried to assure her, but it was too late – she had retreated again, and whatever it was that they had just shared was gone.
Akkarin bit back a growl as he found his earlier misgivings confirmed. If Sonea was unwilling to believe him when he was trying to compliment her – something that usually worked on almost every person – there was no way she would ever believe him if he told her something that didn't align with her view of the world. It was completely and utterly hopeless.
Akkarin resolutely smothered his frustration. If she wanted to be difficult, fine. He'd already accepted reality a long time ago. At least that stupid voice was quiet for now.
Turning away abruptly, Akkarin started toward the residence. Sonea fell into step behind him – he'd noticed long ago that, whenever given the chance, she'd walk behind him, just out of reach. It might be a remnant from her days in the slums, a deeply ingrained habit. Both of them knew that he didn't need to be within arm's reach if he wanted to harm her. Still, if it gave her comfort, he was not going to stop her.
Takan chose that moment to contact him, and Akkarin was struck with an idea. He slowed his steps somewhat, but not enough to cause Sonea to do the same, and turned his head in her direction.
"Are you hungry, by any chance?"
"Maybe", she replied, her gaze wary.
"Takan tells me he has outdone himself with dinner tonight, and it seems that he went a little overboard. I'm afraid I won't be able to eat all of it by myself."
There was a brief flicker of something in her eyes, and Akkarin knew he had her. He knew everything about her, after all, probably knew her better than she knew herself.
"I might be persuaded to assist you, if only to keep the food from going to waste", she announced.
Akkarin let out a snort, surprising her. "I know you like Takan's cooking. Stop acting like you don't."
Sonea muttered something under her breath, too low for him to hear.
"I'll pretend I didn't just hear that", he said despite that, hoping it would annoy her. It seemed to do the trick, for she let out a huff.
Akkarin picked up the pace again, smiling to himself. Another new reaction. Progress.
Sonea started awake when she felt a flare of pain in her right arm. Still somewhat disoriented, she instinctively called upon her magic to Heal herself – only to find, to her horror, that her magic wasn't responding – instead, it was flowing out of her body through the wound on her wrist. Sonea's eyes flew open, and she let out a startled sound.
The room was too dimly lit for her to be able to see much, but there was a dark shape looming over her, and a hand placed over the wound. However, before she could begin to make sense of what was happening, the intruder's free hand clamped itself over her mouth.
"Not a sound!", a heavily accented voice hissed. "Try anything funny – or alerting your Guild friends – and I'll kill you. I have a knife, too."
The voice was completely unfamiliar, as was the accent. However, one thing was certain: There was a black magician in her room, and he was currently draining her power. Sonea felt her blood freeze.
Thankfully, when she stayed still, he removed his hand, making it easier for her to breathe. However, Sonea had no idea what to do – if there was even anything she could do. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't get her magic to respond, and she was being drained at an alarming rate. She had never before experienced anything like this, not even when Regin and his friends had ganged up on her in large numbers.
Suddenly, the intruder stopped, and yanked on her right arm.
"Get up. No funny business. You should still have enough strength left to walk. Just barely."
She rose to her feet slowly – not only because she was exhausted, but also because she wanted to avoid making any movements he might perceive as a threat. She didn't know what he was after, but as long as she was alive – and conscious – she might be able to figure something out.
Sonea had no idea what time it was, or if Takan or Akkarin were still awake. She hadn't heard the intruder come into her room, which meant that they were probably unaware of what was happening.
The door to her room clicked open. The man moved to stand behind her, pressing a blade to her throat with his right hand, while his left one dug into her hair, holding her in place with very little effort. He herded her out into the corridor, where he stopped.
"And now, we're going to pay a visit to your master!", he whispered into her ear.
Sonea felt sick, not just because of his actions, but also because he had just referred to Akkarin as "her master" – Sonea didn't even want to begin to untangle all the implications of that statement.
She lifted her left hand and pointed. She briefly considered trying to lure him away from Akkarin's bedroom, but he'd eventually realise she'd tricked him, and Takan would be unable to help her – Takan! She knew that Akkarin used him as a source of magic, had – completely by accident – seen him draw strength from his servant once before. This meant that Takan must have enough magical potential to satisfy Akkarin's need for extra strength – whatever that was – or he would have already taken some of her power – something Sonea had expected him to do from the start.
Sonea didn't know where Takan's room was, but leading the intruder to him – even accidentally – would be terrible. He could add Takan's power to his own in addition to hers, and Takan would be unable to do anything about it, even if she managed to wake him before the black magician got to him.
For now, compliance seemed like the most sensible option – and, as much as she hated to admit it, Akkarin was the only person who might be able to stop this man.
Sonea stopped in front of Akkarin's door – just a little down the corridor from hers – and pointed again. The door clicked open and banged into the wall just as the intruder threw up a barrier around himself and Sonea. The room beyond was dark, and Sonea couldn't see much except the shape of Akkarin's bed, which seemed larger than hers.
Akkarin shot up from the bed, and something metallic flashed in the dim light. A globe-light flared into existence and Akkarin froze, halfway risen from the bed, a knife in his hand, as he took in the sight before him.
Part of Sonea's brain found it hilarious that the most powerful man in the guild slept with a knife underneath his pillow. The rest of her brain worried that she might be going insane.
"Freeze", the intruder snapped. "Drop the knife. Or I'll slit her throat."
Fear gripped Sonea. So, this was how it would end. There was no way Akkarin would give up his weapon to save her. Damn it all, this idiot was actually doing him a favour, offering him a convenient way to rid himself of a hostage. One person less to "supervise".
Sonea tried her hardest not to make a sound, but she couldn't stop a single tear from running down her cheek.
"What are you waiting for?", the intruder hissed, pressing his knife into the side of Sonea's neck. She couldn't suppress a whimper as she felt a flare of pain, and something wet trickle down her neck.
Akkarin's expression shifted into one of pure fury as he rose to his full height. However, to Sonea's utter shock, he dropped the knife, and gave it a kick that sent it skidding across the carpet. The intruder let out a dark chuckle, grasped the weapon with his magic, and dragged it inside his barrier.
Sonea stopped breathing. What was Akkarin doing?! There was no way he would win, would survive, unless he managed to drain all the magic out of his opponent. She well remembered the devastation her uncontrolled powers had caused when the Guild had finally found her. She didn't know how powerful the intruder had been before he'd added her strength to his, but Sonea assumed that their powers combined would be enough to turn the entire building to dust. And, as far as she was aware, Akkarin needed a knife in order to be able to use black magic.
They were doomed.
"A wise decision", the intruder taunted. "Now, which one of you should I kill first? I'd love to make you watch your woman die, but she's practically dead on her feet – she's not gonna cause me trouble. You, on the other hand – you're dangerous. I think I'd better get you out of the way first, and then have some fun with her before I have her join you."
"I'll make you pay a hundredfold for every thing you do to her", Akkarin warned, his eyes blazing.
"Oh, and how are you going to do that, exactly? I'll remind you – as you seem to have forgotten – that I just absorbed almost all of her magic. I'm sure you know what that feels like? Unless – maybe you've never drained her to this point before? In which case I'll let you know that it's an exhilarating feeling, having so much power."
"I hope you blow yourself up with it!", Sonea rasped.
"Well, well, I see you still got some spunk left! Perhaps I should drain you just a little bit more, to be on the safe side, hm?"
"I have been drained to this point before. I'm almost at my limit – barely holding on to consciousness."
"Ah, that won't do. I need you awake, to witness the death of your master."
"Thought so."
Sonea was glad that she had managed to talk him out of taking more of her power. Sometimes, she had been able to find some kind of tiny reserve, some last burst of strength, and had managed to escape Regin and his goons, against all expectations. Maybe, just maybe, she might be able to do something like this again. If she could fool him into thinking that she was spent, then perhaps she could recover enough power for one desperate attack... she would probably not survive that, but her death was already written. And she'd much rather go down fighting than being subjected to whatever vile things this monster had planned for her.
"What makes you think that you'll be the one to walk out of here alive?", Akkarin asked nonchalantly, crossing his arms.
He hadn't even bothered to erect a barrier, and seemed totally at ease. It baffled her extremely – had he, too, perhaps lost his mind? Was she delirious? Was this some kind of nightmare?
Sonea squeezed her eyes shut, and told herself to focus. She had to stay alert, had to be ready to do something, anything… If she had to choose who should win this battle, there was a clear winner. Not that she thought that the odds favoured her wish.
"Look at you, still so arrogant!", the intruder sneered.
"Self-confidence only looks like arrogance from afar", the High Lord replied smoothly. "But I guess a wretch like you wouldn't know the difference."
While the intruder sputtered in indignation, spewing profanities, Akkarin's gaze slid to Sonea's. His eyes narrowed, and he held her gaze for several seconds before closing his eyes. It was the only warning she got, and Sonea instinctively squeezed her eyes shut a heartbeat before his globe-light flared with an intensity she hadn't known was possible. Even with her eyes closed, it still hurt. The intruder, who had been distracted by his tirade, howled with pain, moving his left hand to shield his eyes before seeming to remember that he had a hostage to corral.
As soon as the light receded to its former brightness, Sonea opened her eyes – and flinched violently when something struck the barrier to her right, shattering on impact. A powdery substance filled the air, and Sonea instantly held her breath, thinking of papea dust.
Her captor, who appeared to still suffer the after-effects of having been blinded, jerked his head in the direction of the disturbance, and his grip on Sonea loosened. Feeling a sudden surge of adrenaline, she let herself fall, letting gravity drag her out of his hold – hoping that he wouldn't notice that this was an escape attempt until it was too late. She lunged for Akkarin's knife, and threw herself forward in a somersault as soon as she felt her fingers close around the handle. She fervently hoped that she'd be able to pass through the shield from the inside.
The intruder let out a shout, and another projectile smashed into his shield. More dust filled the air. Sonea cleared the barrier, and launched herself forward with all her might, cradling her injured arm and the knife to her chest.
Magic grabbed hold of her and dragged her toward Akkarin. She hit the rug in front of his bed face-first, and felt the wind being knocked out from her. The next moment, a barrier flared into existence around them, and Sonea breathed a small sigh of relief. She'd made it.
Shifting onto her left side, so she could breathe more easily, Sonea saw Akkarin approach her swiftly, but with measured steps. He crouched down next to her, and slowly reached for her right hand. Sonea extended it in a jerky motion, offering him the knife hilt-first. Something flickered in his eyes, and his fingers brushed hers.
— You did well. I'll take things from here – rest.
She managed what she believed was a smile, and buried her face in the rug. She knew what would follow – didn't need to see it.
Akkarin straightened and turned toward the intruder, who made a frightened sound in response. By now, exhaustion and stress were taking their toll. Sonea's eyelids started to droop.
"And now, you die", Akkarin announced, his voice promising violence.
It was the last thing Sonea heard before darkness took her.
As she slowly fought her way back to consciousness, Sonea determined that she had never felt this exhausted before. She knew she was awake, but her eyelids felt incredibly heavy – as did the rest of her body. She turned her attention inwards, and almost let out a distressed sound when she realised that she still had barely any magic at her disposal. Granted, she had no idea how long she'd been out, but she'd hoped that she might have recovered somewhat in the meantime.
Growing a bit more aware of the world outside her body, Sonea realised she was lying on her back, on something soft. The carpet she had passed out on had been fluffy, but not exactly soft.
She finally managed to open her eyes, and found herself staring at an unfamiliar ceiling. The room was illuminated by what appeared to be lamplight – globes didn't flicker. It was enough for her to see well without being too bright. Sonea wasn't sure she could handle "too bright" right now.
"You're awake", Akkarin's voice came from somewhere to her left.
Sonea started, but her body didn't react to the nervous stimulus. She tried to turn her head, tried to locate him, every instinct screaming that she needed to keep track of the danger – but she couldn't move. Panic set in then, and Sonea suffered the awful feeling of being trapped inside her own body, her mind, with no way out. She felt her heart rate increasing as her fear spiked.
Akkarin appeared in her peripheral vision. She couldn't make his face out clearly – she barely managed to move her eyes – but he seemed worried, strangely enough. To her complete and utter surprise, he knelt down next to the bed, and touched a finger to her hand.
— You're safe. He's gone.
Not what she'd been worried about, but he sounded sincere. Sonea took a shallow breath, and tried to calm her racing heart.
— Dead?
— Very much so.
She could sense a feeling of grim satisfaction coming from him. Sonea closed her eyes, feeling an unexpected sense of relief. Not so much over the intruder having been dealt with, but the fact that Akkarin had killed someone. That should not, ordinarily, comfort her.
— Don't be alarmed, I'll try to heal some of your weariness away. Unfortunately, I can't replace the power that was stolen from you.
He waited for a moment before pouring his power into her. Sonea opened her eyes again and sucked in a greedy lungful of air, feeling that oxygen had never tasted so good before.
"How are you feeling?", he asked as he retracted his hand.
Sonea opened her mouth to reply, and found that she was completely parched. Her left hand jerked in his direction, and he took hold of it again, his grip more tight, reassuring somehow.
— Exhausted. Like I've been run over by a gorin. Thirsty.
He sent something indistinct but reassuring as he rose. He briskly strode across the room, toward the windows. Sonea lifted her head and spotted a small table in between the windows. Moments later, she could hear some kind of liquid being poured. She hoped it was water.
Despite still feeling the need to keep track of Akkarin, she couldn't support the weight of her own head any longer, and fell back into the pillows with a groan.
Akkarin returned carrying a glass of water, however, instead of approaching the bed from the right – which would have been shorter – he walked back to the left side. The mattress dipped as he sat down on the edge of the bed. He placed the glass on the night-stand before fixing his dark eyes on her.
"Can you sit up?"
She managed a small shake of the head. He frowned minutely before reaching for her hand again.
— Are you fine with me helping you sit up?
Sonea replied in the affirmative almost without thinking. She'd do anything for some water.
Akkarin grimaced, and Sonea remembered with a jolt that he possessed the ability to read other people's surface thoughts. However, he swiftly smoothed his face back into the expressionless mask he seemed to prefer wearing, and bent over her. As he lifted her torso off the mattress, she could feel the pillows shifting out from underneath her, and guessed he was re-arranging them with magic. Better than re-arranging her body with magic, for sure. Moments later, she found herself propped up against the headboard. Akkarin instructed her to lift her arms, and tucked the blanket around her. Her gaze fell onto her hands, and she noticed that the injury the intruder had given her was gone without a trace. A brief look inwards told her that the wound on her neck had been Healed, as well.
She wasn't entirely sure how to feel about that.
Akkarin picked the glass up again and fixed her with a rather stern look.
"I know you're thirsty, but you are going to have to drink slowly, or you're going to make yourself sick."
Sonea tried to push the thought that she felt like an invalid from her mind as he helped her drink, focusing instead on how nice the water tasted. She'd never drank water before coming to the Guild – the water in the slums wasn't safe to drink, and she'd actually thought that Tania, Rothen's servant, had been making fun of her when she'd offered her some.
Drinking water turned out to be exhausting, and Sonea soon needed a break.
"I need you to finish the entire glass – but take your time. There is no rush."
Little by little, she managed to empty the glass, and let out a happy sigh. She felt like she'd never tasted anything so good in her entire life.
"How is your voice?"
"Um. Working again, I guess", she croaked.
Akkarin hummed, and reached out to send another trickle of Healing magic into her body. Sonea instantly felt much more alive.
"Do you think you could eat something?"
She whipped her head around to stare at him. The mere thought of food was revolting, and she fought the urge to retch.
"No", she rasped. "Please don't make me, I can't - "
He squeezed her hand as he shushed her.
"I didn't mean to cause you distress. Food would help you with regaining your strength, but forcing yourself to eat wouldn't be good for you, either. Hm… do you think you might be able to handle some hot milk?"
"Maybe later."
"All right."
He seemed to realise that he was still holding her hand, and quickly let go. The same moment, Sonea remembered that she wasn't in her own room.
"Why am I here?", she asked with a slight frown.
In your bed.
"I could have let you sleep on the carpet, if you'd prefer that?", he replied with a huff.
"No, but I do have my own room, complete with a bed", she pointed out.
"True. But leaving an unconscious person unsupervised is a bad idea, as every Healer will tell you. I didn't think it would make much difference whether I kept watch over you here, or in your room. Besides, Takan is still cleaning the hallway – if he has to clean up the mess I've made, the least I can do is stay out of his way."
"Ah."
She tried moving her arms, and was pleased to find that they responded. She laced her fingers together, once again looking for – and not finding – a trace of the injury. She lifted her hand and flexed her fingers before placing it back in her lap.
"Um. Thanks. For healing me. And stuff."
"Don't mention it."
"Can I go back to my room? I'm awake now, after all, and feeling much better."
"I'd like for you to rest up to the point where you're able to walk on your own. Unless you want me to carry you."
"No."
"Hm. Then you'll have to be a little more patient. Would you like some more water?"
"Not right now. But thanks. Um."
He nodded slightly in response.
A knock sounded on the door. Akkarin jerked his body around and shot to his feet, effectively placing himself between her and the door. However, before Sonea could grow too alarmed by his reaction, he relaxed again, and the door clicked open, revealing Takan.
"Master, I – Lady Sonea! You're awake!"
Sonea blinked at him owlishly, not remembering having ever seen him this happy. Takan all but burst into the room, stopped and gave Akkarin a questioning look. Akkarin huffed, and stepped aside.
Takan approached the bed with quick strides, a brilliant smile on his face. He reached for her hand before seeming to change his mind, and dropping his hands to his sides.
"It's a relief to see you back among the living, my lady", he told her earnestly, softly. "We were terribly worried that you might not wake again."
Sonea filed away the tiny little detail that he'd said "we" instead of "I" for later analysis.
"I still feel dreadful", she admitted with a rueful smile.
"We've all been there. It'll pass", he assured her with a nod.
"Wh-what are you saying?", Sonea whispered, straightening up. "This happened to you before?"
She cast an accusing glance Akkarin's way, who merely crossed his arms in response, looking unimpressed.
Takan softly cleared his throat, causing her to shift her focus back to him.
"My former master sometimes drained me to the point where I fainted, either as a punishment, or because he desperately needed my strength. Lord Akkarin has never taken more than what I could comfortably spare. He's always treated me with great care and kindness, something I wasn't expecting when I came here."
His gaze was open, earnest. At the very least, he seemed to believe what he was saying.
Behind him, Akkarin made an annoyed sound, causing Takan to cast a glance over his shoulder.
"What, do you disagree?"
"I treated you as one ought to treat a fellow human", Akkarin huffed. "I hardly need to be commended for that."
"Ah, but you do remember what Dakova was like."
Akkarin flinched violently. "I'd rather not think about him tonight, if at all possible."
"Apologies, master."
Akkarin took a ragged breath and uncrossed his arms with visible effort.
"I believe you needed something, Takan."
"Ah, yes." Takan turned around to face Akkarin, but without turning his back on Sonea. "I've disposed of the body. However, I fear that the carpet in the hall cannot be salvaged."
"Burn it", Akkarin replied dismissively. "I never liked the colours, anyway."
"As you wish. Should I try to find a replacement?"
"That would be lovely."
"Any particular colours you would like?"
"I don't know. Something light, alive. Green or blue. A nice pattern."
"A nice pattern. That is extremely helpful, master", Takan said with a grin.
Torn between amusement and disbelief, Sonea watched the exchange. She'd seen Tania boss Rothen around, but this was far beyond that. Akkarin and his servant were bantering with each other, the fact that one of them was the High Lord of the Magician's Guild – and a black magician – and the other his servant non-withstanding.
"You are having far too much fun for my taste", Akkarin groused.
"Apologies, my lord. I didn't mean to overstep – I was just trying to lighten the mood a little. You look as though someone has died."
"Sonea almost died!", Akkarin snapped, eyes blazing. "I believe the expression on my face is warranted."
"Would you like me to burn the carpet right away?"
"Yes, but try and be discreet about it – Lorlen is still awake, no doubt trying to work himself to death."
"Understood."
Sonea opened her mouth to ask how Akkarin could possibly know that Lorlen was awake – the trees surrounding the residence hid the university buildings from sight, Akkarin shouldn't be able to see light in Lorlen's office – if the office was even visible from here. However, she decided not to bring the matter up – she'd already noticed that she had an unfortunate habit of accidentally finding out things she wasn't supposed to, and it had caused trouble for more than just herself. It'd be better if she didn't draw attention to herself, in case this was something she wasn't supposed to know.
Akkarin was being nice to her, and she was afraid to ruin it.
Takan bowed and quit the room, leaving the door open – and Sonea could see that the walls and ceiling were stained in bright colours. She made a surprised sound.
"Did you decide to paint the hallway while I was out?"
"You actually were awake for at least part of it", Akkarin replied with a huff. "Though I understand that you were rather preoccupied."
"I remember some colourful dust clouds", Sonea replied with a frown. "Couldn't make much sense of what was happening, though."
She shot Akkarin a questioning look. He deliberated for a short while before looking up at her.
"When the assassin burst into my room, I realised that the situation was rather dire. Not so much because he had absorbed your power – I know how strong you are, and that I had stored up more power than that – but because he had you in his grasp, could have easily killed you. I knew that handing over my knife was risky, but I didn't want to give him a reason to make good on his threat. Instead, I tried to wake Takan – which took a while, as he was sleeping quite soundly."
He hadn't spoken for a full minute yet, and already, Sonea was confused. However, Akkarin gave her no time to think, and continued with his story.
"I appraised Takan of the situation, and asked him to come up with something to use as a distraction. Takan hurried to the kitchen, and began filling spices into clay pots. The spices he chose were either very potent, or colourful. As soon as he was done, he came upstairs.
"Meanwhile, I did my best to stall for time – fortunately for us, our 'guest' liked to gloat, thinking himself untouchable. As soon as Takan was in position – hidden in the darkness, but close enough to hit the barrier with his 'missiles' – I erected a barrier around him, and tried to provoke the spy. I tried to give you a warning before blinding him – and, as soon as you had opened your eyes again, I instructed Takan to attack. I was hoping that you'd be able to use the commotion to make your escape – but I never anticipated such a performance. Didn't expect to get my knife back so quickly."
There was a strange emotion in his eyes – was that pride? Was he honestly impressed by her mediocre martial arts skills? It seemed rather unbelievable.
"As soon as you were safe, Takan continued throwing pots, mostly to annoy the spy – they weren't really doing much harm – but the additional distraction certainly worked in my favour. I don't like fighting in confined spaces – if we hadn't been careful, we might have brought down the house on top of us – but thankfully, the spy soon realised that he was outmatched, and focused more on defending himself – and trying to escape. Not that I would have let him.
"As soon as I'd worn him down, I took his mind apart."
Sonea suppressed a flinch at hearing that. After having found out from Lorlen that she and Rothen knew his secret as well, he'd read their minds. He'd mercilessly dug through every single memory, every facet of her being, in order to determine how to deal with her. She'd felt frightened and violated, and had attempted to hamper his progress. In return, he'd hurt her.
Sonea didn't know how, exactly, he'd done that. She'd never heard of a magical ability that let one do something like that. Thankfully, Akkarin had stopped the moment she'd given up. This time, it sounded as though he hadn't stopped.
"Once I had all the information I wanted, I killed him. Takan took care of the body. I Healed your injuries, gave you some Healing magic, and put you to bed."
"I see." Sonea mulled all the new information over for a bit before looking up. "The idea of throwing clay pots at a magician is hilarious."
"Oh, the look on the spy's face was magnificent", Akkarin replied with a chuckle. "He didn't know what hit him."
Sonea stared at him. Had he just made a joke?
"The downside to this brilliant idea is that now, the floor and walls are covered in very fine, very bright dust. We'll have to get rid of it all before Viola comes in tomorrow."
"Would magic help with the cleaning?"
Not that I have any to spare.
"Not really. The particles are too fine. And if I'd offer Takan to help with the scrubbing, he'd throw a fit, complain that I am horrible at cleaning, and tell me to go do something I'm actually good at."
Unable to help herself, Sonea gaped at him. Tania had never talked to Rothen like that. That was assuming that Akkarin's description was accurate.
"I see you are surprised", he observed softly, tilting his head to the side.
"Um, well, yes", she admitted. "It's hardly what I expected the relationship between you to be like – not that I have seen many examples of magicians interacting with their servants, mind you. I mean, I knew Takan was loyal to you, but this – was rather unexpected."
"Hm. While some magicians have a cordial relationship with their servants – and some servants feel the need to 'parent' their employers – our relationship is rather unique. I'm not sure if it can be considered friendship, given the difference in station – Takan would probably faint if I ever suggested anything like this – but we do share a very strong bond of camaraderie and trust. We would die for each other – though I sincerely hope it'll never come to this."
"I'm not sure Tania would want to die for Rothen, as much as she loves him", Sonea mused. "You are fortunate to have found someone like that. Though – the thought of someone being willing to die for me is rather unsettling."
He hummed in agreement.
Sonea's legs twitched, and she bent them at the knees. She'd been sitting still for too long – she wasn't used to sitting in bed like this. Beds were for sleeping. Chairs were for sitting. The current arrangement didn't agree with her.
Akkarin moved closer and held out his hand. It took her a while to figure out that he wanted her to reach out to him – but she appreciated the fact that he was giving her some measure of control. She placed her hand in his, and his fingers lightly curled around it. Instead of closing his eyes, his gaze sharpened. Moments later, he let go of her.
"You can try standing up now, if you'd like, but take it slow."
"Right."
Akkarin stepped back to give her space, and Sonea swung her legs over the edge of the bed, throwing off the blanket. She bent down and patted both legs down briskly to get the blood flowing.
"I don't seem to have lost a lot of blood", she observed as she straightened back up.
"Black magicians usually only leave shallow cuts", Akkarin explained. "More often than not, the people they draw magic from are their slaves, and they don't kill them unless they have to. Especially if they're powerful."
"I see", Sonea replied, wrinkling her nose. She couldn't say that this practice was appealing.
She slowly rose to her feet, and was pleased to find that she didn't sway. She took a cautious step away from the bed, then another. Akkarin hovered nearby, looking ready to catch her should she stumble. Again, his obvious concern for her well-being confused her – she couldn't make sense of it.
"Why did you save me?", she blurted out before she could stop herself.
"Beg pardon?"
"You could have let him kill me, and pinned the blame on him, too. A neat way to get me out of your hair. I thought that you'd – but no. Instead, you saved my life. Not that I'm ungrateful, far from it, I just don't understand."
Akkarin trained his eyes on hers with an intensity that made her wish he'd look away.
"Sonea, if I'd wanted you – or Lorlen and Rothen – out of the way, I would have found a way to make it happen", he said, his voice deceptively soft. "The reason I went through all the trouble to ensure your silence was because I didn't want to kill you. To be quite frank, I would have preferred it if you could have been persuaded to keep quiet by less drastic means – if you'd been willing to co-operate, I'd have left you in Rothen's care, wouldn't have had to - " He broke off and grimaced. "There is no use bemoaning what is in the past. But I want you to know that I never wanted to harm any of you. However, all three of you made it abundantly clear that co-operation was not to be achieved. You were far more willing to plot my downfall, instead."
Sonea bit her lip, and looked away. While his words matched his actions so far – he had never done anything to her beyond taking her hostage – she still had a hard time taking his words at face value.
Although, he had saved her life. And cared for her.
Akkarin let out a soft sigh, his gaze softening somewhat. "You lack critical information, Sonea. And Lorlen deeply skewered your perception of me before we even met, properly, that is. As things stand right now, you can't form a proper opinion of me, or the situation. And, until now, I saw little use in trying to convince you of anything, as I had nothing to offer as proof."
"And tonight, proof handed itself to you on a silver platter", she guessed.
"Indeed. Of course, you can still wilfully dismiss whatever I say as lies or fabrication, but I don't take you to be that kind of person." He shook his head ever so slightly, and turned away. "Come along. I've kept you up long enough."
Sonea padded after him, mulling things over. It sounded almost as if he wouldn't mind giving her the information she was, apparently, lacking. She didn't doubt that there were things going on that she was unaware of. His willingness to share them with her, now, was surprising if not unwelcome. And the fact that he'd said that he lacked evidence to convince her indicated that he wasn't willing to let her into his mind, for whatever reason.
Not that she was sure she wanted to see what was going on in there.
The moment they stepped out into the corridor, Sonea was distracted, however.
"Sure smells nice", she observed, taking a deep breath, and promptly letting out a sneeze.
Akkarin chuckled. "True, but we still can't leave it like this."
Sonea carefully stepped around a bright yellow spot – and almost froze in place when she suddenly realised she wasn't exactly dressed for company. While Akkarin had, at one point, put on a dressing robe over his nightclothes, she was still only wearing her nightgown. A mortified blush spread over her cheeks, and she was immensely grateful that Akkarin was walking in front of her.
They had almost reached her room when Akkarin stopped so abruptly, she almost walked into him. Sonea reeled back, but he stood as if frozen in place, his right hand curled into a fist. She waited with bated breath, unsure of what was going on. She could seek out his mind with hers, but the mere thought made her apprehensive.
With a small sigh, he turned around to face her, the expression on his face grave.
"Sonea, there is something I must ask of you."
"What?", she asked, her guard up instantly.
He opened his mouth, closed it again, and looked away, seeming distinctively uncomfortable. Finally, his gaze returned to hers.
"I must ask you to not visit the slums – and your family in particular – in the near future, until we've determined the exact fallout from tonight's events", he said in a quiet voice.
"What? Why?!"
Was this supposed to be some form of punishment? Had she done something wrong, had she been supposed to do something differently? What did her family have to do with anything?!
"It's not forever, only until we can be certain Kariko won't send someone to target you next", he implored. "Which will take a while. But we can't take the risk – you couldn't defend yourself, and if you lead them to your family – don't give them the means to hurt the ones you care about, I implore you! Don't give them that kind of power over you."
His gaze was haunted, and far away. It was as though he was no longer in the hall with her.
"Who is Kariko?", Sonea asked tentatively.
"The one who keeps sending these spies, the one who wants me dead", he replied, his eyes focusing on her. "Seeing as how our confrontation took place at night, there is a chance that he was asleep, but we can't count on luck – we can't take that risk, there is too much at stake. If he was watching, he's likely to send someone after you next – either to get you out of the way, or to try and use you against me, since he'd know for certain that it would work, that you are my weakness." He grimaced. "He'd do any number of horrible things to you, I'm sure, if he thought he could hurt me that way – hah, no, he'd probably do it simply because he can. I've only met him once, briefly, but I have no reason to suspect that he's any less of a monster than Dakova was. I would prefer it if you stayed somewhere you couldn't be targeted so easily, somewhere I could reach you quickly and intervene, should the need arise. I – I fervently hope that I'm overreacting, that all of this won't be necessary – but, Sonea, you have no idea what we're up against. No idea what they're capable of."
Sonea bit her lip. Akkarin seemed frantic, almost terrified, although he was trying hard to hide it. And the thought that he, the Guild's most powerful magician, was terrified didn't bode well. She didn't even want to begin to imagine what that implied.
"I could try – I can't promise anything, I'd have to ask him first – but if it's you, I can't imagine he'd say no – I might be able to facilitate a meeting between you and your family under safe conditions, but – I can't promise anything. I'll try, though. You have my word."
She wasn't even going to try and make sense of that rambling mess. But, at the very least, it sounded like he genuinely believed there to be danger – something she couldn't judge on her own – and that he wasn't doing this to get back at her for something. Sonea had been willing to reduce contact with her family back when she'd become Akkarin's novice/hostage, fearing that he might target them. She could do so again if there was a chance that someone else might.
"I'll do as you say."
"Promise me", he all but begged, holding out his hand.
Sonea took a step toward him and grabbed his hand, her grip strong and her gaze steady.
— I promise.
— Thank you. He visibly sagged with relief. I'll try my utmost to keep you – and, by extension, your family – safe from harm, but I need a modicum of co-operation on your part.
— Or you could just lock me up, she suggested, half in jest.
He flinched as though she'd struck him, and the next moment, his emotions crashed into her – intense feelings of regret, guilt and self-hatred. Sonea reeled back in shock, and Akkarin fought to get himself back under control.
— I – I'm sorry, I didn't mean to -
— Nothing I don't deserve, he replied bitterly.
He turned away abruptly, pulling his hand out of her hold.
Sonea watched him walk away with a strange mix of feelings. The fact that he felt remorse over what he'd done to her was a surprise, but also gratifying. He should feel remorseful. What he'd done to her had been cruel, and wrong.
And yet, seeing how he tormented himself with that knowledge brought her no satisfaction.
Sonea wrapped her arms around herself and took a shuddering breath. Akkarin had stopped in front of her door, and was pretending very hard not to notice.
Sonea roused herself, and briskly approached him. However, the moment she saw the open door, and the dark room beyond, she froze, her whole body seizing up.
A globe-light flared to life inside her room, floating just underneath the ceiling, bathing everything in its warm glow.
"I warded all the windows while you were sleeping", Akkarin said softly. "The next bastard trying to get in through the window will be in for a nasty surprise. I promise your room is as safe as can be – you are free to test the wards yourself as soon as you have recovered enough magic."
He strolled into the room and turned back around to face her.
Sonea forced herself to take a step forward. It seemed like a daunting prospect, but eventually, she managed to move. Another step. Then another. Taking deep breaths, she somehow managed to cross over to where Akkarin was standing.
"Well done, Sonea", he told her with a smile. "Those were your first steps on the road to healing."
"Is it going to get better, then?", she asked, forcing herself to keep her eyes trained on him instead of scanning the room for dark figures.
"Yes", he replied softly. "It may take time, and there is no guarantee that you'll never relapse, that these things will not come back to haunt you in a moment of weakness. But you can master this." He glanced away briefly. "Both Takan and I have first-hand experience with trauma, both as the afflicted, and as an observer", he told her in a low voice. "I'm sure Takan would love to help you in any way he can – in fact, he is currently beside himself with worry, and would like nothing more than to wrap you up in a blanket and stash you somewhere safe, somewhere he could spend the entire day fretting over you."
Despite everything, the mental image of that made her laugh. Akkarin gave her a faint smile in return.
"That thing about the blanket sounds great, though."
Sonea moved past him to her bed, and sank down on the mattress gratefully, feeling the weariness return. She dangled her feet off the edge and grabbed her blanket, wrapping it around her shoulders like a cape. She then tucked her chin in and hugged herself with the blanket, letting out a sigh.
Akkarin made a small sound.
Sonea looked up to find him watching her with a strange expression on his face. The moment he caught her gaze, something within him seemed to unravel, and he sucked in a ragged breath.
"I'm sorry", he gasped. "You shouldn't have had to go through this, you should have been safe – it was my fault, all my fault, I should have done more – I should have left you with Rothen, I – I wish I had died, back in the Wastes, so that you wouldn't have to suffer because of me!"
He was crying now, his sobs making it almost impossible for her to understand him. He crumpled to his knees in front of her, a miserable heap of a human being.
"I didn't take enough precautions – they found you – I couldn't protect you, I failed, just like I failed her – he killed her, made me watch as he killed her, and I couldn't do anything! I've failed, I've failed…"
His voice trailed off as his eyes glazed over. He crossed his arms and began scratching his lower arms, muttering indistinct words under his breath.
Sonea felt a stab of alarm. If she had to guess, this was an after-effect of the trauma he had mentioned earlier. He appeared to be having a panic attack, or maybe even a flashback – Sonea wasn't an expert on either of these things, but he seemed worlds away, and she well remembered the terror she had felt when she'd been trapped inside her mind, with no way out.
She wasn't convinced that he wasn't a bad person, not yet, but no-one deserved to suffer like this.
She tried calling him, but he only whimpered, and grew even more agitated.
"Akkarin!", she called, hoping that the unusual form of address would snap him out of it.
And indeed, it worked – his eyes became clearer, and he seemed to focus on her.
"Akkarin", she repeated in a soothing voice. "Can you hear me?"
A jerky nod.
"All right. I need you to listen to me." She leaned forward and placed her hands on his shoulders to ground him. She briefly contemplated cupping his face in her hands – something her aunt and uncle had often done to comfort her – but wasn't sure if he would be all right with that. "I understand that what has happened in the past traumatised you. But that was then, and this is now. You didn't fail – you saved my life. That's the opposite of failing. I'm still here, still alive, thanks to you."
He stared up at her, eyes wide and bloodshot. Seeing that he was still grasping his wrists, she cautiously trailed her hands down his arms and tried to encourage him to uncross them. He did so after a little prompting, and Sonea made him uncurl his fingers.
"Did you hurt yourself?", she asked softly.
She was still too weak to be able to check herself, and, even if she found injuries, the only thing she could do for him currently would be to bandage them.
"N-no, I don't think so", he rasped, his voice hoarse.
"That's a relief. Does this happen often? You trying to scratch your arms bloody?"
If he'd been wearing fewer layers, he might have succeeded.
"Sometimes", he admitted, looking ashamed. "I can usually control myself when in the presence of other people – people who don't know – but sometimes, I – I hurt myself, without noticing. I – I can't - "
"It's all right. You don't have to explain or justify this. If anyone's got some explaining to do, it's the people who hurt you."
He hiccuped. "It's just – you're the one who almost died tonight, the one who's freshly traumatised, and yet here I am, falling apart in your bedroom like some pathetic wretch…"
"From what I've gathered, someone you knew – someone you cared about – was killed right in front of you. Murdered, I should say. This would obviously traumatise you – I watched someone die I didn't know, and that traumatised me. I know how these things sneak up on you – early Warrior Skills practices were a nightmare, literally. Every time my teacher told me to strike the target, all I could see was his face - "
She broke off, not wanting to go into too much detail – not just because she didn't want to re-live this memory again, but also because she felt that it wouldn't be helpful if Akkarin were to hear all that.
Akkarin squeezed her hands, the look on his face sympathetic.
"My point is that I understand. You didn't just have a panic attack for the fun of it."
He shook his head, a look of disbelief on his face.
"Your kindness truly is astounding", he whispered. "Yikmo once told me that you were too nice, and I feel inclined to agree. You are even kind to those who don't deserve it, myself included."
"I can't help it", she replied with a wry smile and a shrug. "If this is to be my fatal flaw, then so be it. I'd rather regret being kind to the wrong person than turning away from someone in need."
"Truly astounding", he whispered, bowing his head.
"Are you feeling better yet?", she asked, giving his hands a gentle squeeze.
"A little."
"I have some water in the jug by the window, if you'd like a drink, or to wash your face."
"Thank you."
He rose to his feet somewhat unsteadily, and made his way over to the window. Sonea kept her gaze trained on the door to give him privacy – she'd already seen more than he was comfortable revealing, most likely.
Sonea used the time to rearrange the blanket around herself – it had slipped when she'd tried to comfort Akkarin.
Moments later, Akkarin reappeared in her field of vision, and proceeded to stand there in a rather awkward manner. Sonea shot him a questioning look.
"Takan will be along with your milk momentarily", he said out of nowhere.
"Uh, thanks – wait. Hang on. There's something I noticed earlier, when you described the fight against that black magician – you said that you woke Takan. Who wasn't anywhere near you, I'm guessing. And just now - "
She paused, not sure if she'd sound like a madwoman if she voiced her suspicion. However, she'd noticed other things as well. Sometimes, Takan would pause with whatever he was doing, adopting a look that was similar to magicians using mental communication. Sonea had dismissed it as him daydreaming or something, as Takan wasn't a magician.
"Can you speak with Takan mind to mind?"
Akkarin paused, as if trying to decide how he should answer her.
"Figured that out, have you", he said with an amused huff. "I can't keep anything from you, it seems."
"But – how?"
"Would you mind postponing this conversation? I don't mind telling you, but it is late. You need to rest."
"I think we all need to rest", Sonea muttered. "It's been a rough night for all of us."
"True."
"Fine, I'll wait. But if you're hoping that I'll forget, I have bad news for you."
He chuckled.
Takan chose that moment to appear in the doorway, carrying a tray with a rather large mug on it. He spotted Akkarin, and his steps faltered for a moment.
"You look awful, master."
"I'm so glad I have you to tell me these things", Akkarin groused, rolling his eyes for good measure.
"You are most welcome."
Akkarin muttered something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like "insufferable". Takan ignored him, and approached Sonea with the tray.
"Here's your milk, Lady Sonea. Drink up, you'll need it."
Sonea reached for the mug before pausing with a frown on her face when a thought occurred to her.
"What about you, Takan? Did you - "
She broke off and bit her lip before casting a quick glance in Akkarin's direction, unsure how to best word her question. She still wasn't entirely sure how things worked between them.
"Lord Akkarin took some of my strength earlier, to replace what he expended while fighting the slave", Takan told her calmly. "However, unlike you, I don't actually need my magic for anything. I don't notice it if some of it goes 'missing'."
Sonea hummed in response, and sipped her milk. Her eyes widened in surprise as she noticed that Takan had mixed spices into the drink, some of which she could identify.
"I take it that you like it", Takan observed with a smile.
"It's delicious", Sonea replied.
"My mother's recipe."
"Oh. Is she – still in Sachaka?"
"Indeed. I haven't seen her since we got separated."
"That must be hard on you", she said with feeling.
He shrugged a shoulder. "I've accepted many years ago that I would never see her again."
She reached out and squeezed his arm.
"At least she taught you something useful. My da just left."
"How irresponsible."
"Oh, you should hear my aunt. She despises him."
Takan let out a chuckle.
"All right, you two, that's enough chatting", Akkarin announced, startling them – Sonea had almost forgotten he was there. "Sonea, finish your milk and go to sleep. Takan, I need that corridor to be spotless by sunrise tomorrow, unless you want to explain to Viola why you were throwing clay pots filled with spices. I can give you a boost, if you'd like."
Sonea huffed at being addressed like a little kid, but obediently finished her milk. Takan deliberated for a moment before asking for some Healing magic. Akkarin strode over to his side and placed his hand on Takan's wrist – he was still holding the tray. Takan's eyes widened minutely before he thanked Akkarin, who let out a huff.
Takan shot her a conspirational look before bowing to her, and leaving the room. Akkarin made to follow, but stopped as he reached the door.
"Would you like for the door to remain open? Or for some light in here? I could leave you one of the lamps."
Sonea considered his words.
"I think I'll be fine. But thank you, High Lord."
"You're welcome", he replied gruffly.
He bid her a good night and left, closing the door gently behind him.
A/N:
Me: I'll put a chapter break here – I could add the next couple of scenes to this chapter, but this works very well. It'll be a short first chapter.
The chapter: * has over 20 pages *
I recently realised that Trudi Canavan's Black Magician Trilogy and related books, the first of which was published in 1999, are everything modern writers wish their stories were: A female protagonist who is relatable and seems like an actual human being, a multi-faceted cast (characters from different classes, ways of life and ethnicities) as well as queer relationships. This story succeeds where modern ones fail because it is an actual organic story, and not a checklist forced into a framing device.