[Video turns on.]
[A close up to Soos' face. The camera was so close, his breath would fog up the lens]
Soos: Is it recording, Mels?
Melody: (offscreen) Looks like it, Soosy.
[Melody backs up to show Soos, in his Mr. Mystery outfit, standing next to a sign saying 'this way to the Shack']
Melody: (offscreen) Annnd action.
Soos: Sweet! Take one for our new commercial! …Wait.
[Video cuts off]
[Video turns on]
[Soos is still standing near the sign with a determined face.]
Melody: (offscreen) Scene one. Take two. Action.
[Before anything, a tree collapsed nearby.]
Soos: (smiling) Hey, Wendy!
Wendy: (offscreen) Hey, Soos! Hey, Melody!
Melody: (offscreen) cheerfully): Hey, Wendy!
Wendy: (offscreen) Sorry for freaking you guys out! Wanted to try out this new ax McGucket made.
Soos: (excited) Oh! Is it an ax/bat combo?
Wendy: (offscreen) Sure is! Whatcha doing?
Soos: We're filming for a new commercial for the Mystery Shack!
Melody: (offscreen) It is under new management after all.
Wendy: (offscreen) A commercial, huh? Sounds like fun. I won't keep you guys up. Gotta get going anyways. Me and the guys are heading over to Scuttlebutt Island.
Soos: Okay. Bye, Wendy!
Melody: (offscreen) Be careful!
Wendy: (offscreen) Later, lovebirds!
[Soos chuckled blithely to himself as he waved Wendy goodbye.]
Soos: That Wendy.
[Soos glances back at the camera, remembering what he was supposed to be doing.]
Soos & Melody: Oops.
[Video cuts off]
[Video turns on]
[Soos is, again, still standing near the sign with an even more determined face.]
Melody: (offscreen) Scene one. Take three. Action!
[Soos slaps on a smile with a dramatic swing of his arm.]
Soos: Hello to you all and welcome to the Mystery Shack! I am your — Wait. I've got a better idea! Cut it, Melody!
[Video cuts off]
[Video turns on]
[No one is standing near the sign.]
Melody: (offscreen) Okay... Action.
[A sparkly smoke bomb was detonated near the sign before revealing Soos as the smoke disappeared.]
Soos: Hello to you all and welcome to the Mystery Shack! I am your host. Your mystery host! Am I human? Am I a gopher? I'm just one of the many grand mysteries you will find in this very museum. How's about I give you a sneak peak of what is behind the veil of mystery?
[Soos walks out of frame with a pep to his step. A second later, he pokes his head into frame.]
Soos: Was that good?
[Video cuts off]
[Video turns on.]
[Soos is standing next to an Aztec solar disc.]
Melody: (offscreen) Action.
Soos: Such as this piece of enigma. An ancient solar disc. No one knows its purpose. Was it used for sport? Did kids throw it at each other for sacrificial rituals? Or did the ancient dudes used it to power their ancient stereo set? Maybe you'll get the answers and more when you give this ol' Shack a visit.
[Video cuts off]
[Video turns on.]
[Melody follows Soos into a room in the museum.]
Soos: Before you go, I want to pay tribute to the man behind the mystery.
[The video zooms out to reveal a granite statue of the shack's founder.]
Soos: Stanley Pines. One of the most enigmatic people out there. Was he a man with a heart made of cold stone or that of gold? Was he a crime boss or father figure material? Come down to the shack, if you dare.
[Soos accidentally knocks the statue with his cane. It tittered before falling, smashing into pieces as soon as it hit the ground. Melody zooms out more, revealing the pieces littering the floor.]
Soos: …We can cut that out, right?
[Video cuts off]
Soos - [So...what do you guys think?]
/\\\\\\\\\\
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Stan - [Why did you give that description of me?]
Ford - [That is an Aztec sun stone, Soos. It was a calendar used to track religious observances and rituals.]
Mabel - [Oh my gosh! You look amazing, Soos! I especially loved the use of a glitter bomb!]
Dipper - [Not sure if I should be proud or worried.]
Wendy - [Awesome, dude!]
Pacifica - [I swear. I thought I saw a hag hanging around the background somewhere!]