Foreword:
This is being cross-posted from AO3 since I'm currently in the middle of a re-write of the fic. You can check out my profile for the link to my AO3 profile, since the fic there is almost at Water 7/Ennis Lobby.
Hope you enjoy, I wrote this for fun and not really taking anything too serious about it.\
Okay. Look.
Look.
When I go to see One Piece Film Red on a late Thursday evening, I'm expecting to have a good time. Sure, I'm not caught up- I'm not anywhere near being caught up- but I loved the premise (an idol in One Piece? Holy shit!) and I don't need to know all the characters because I know and love the Strawhats.
I sure as fuck wasn't expecting some reality-breaking bullshit.
So sitting there in the empty theater asides from myself (no, really, it was a bit disappointing considering when I saw Promare in theaters twice, it was packed both times), when Uta calls on Tot Musica and the hair on my arms raise I don't think anything of it. I'm just excited, right?
Wrong.
Tot Musica turns and pushes its way through the screen and my brain completely shuts off in panic as the world warps and boils in a sickening, twisting way that makes my eyes hurt. All I can do is grab my bag and scream, running from the theater like a bat out of hell.
What the fuck. What the fuck.
WHAT THE FUCK?!
Music beats heavy and deep in my ears, Uta's screaming of the primal words shaking my bones. The floor isn't solid anymore, breaking into cubes as if the world were being animated by Yutaka Nakamura, as I run and jump as best I can, my lungs burning. The world breaks and splinters like plexiglass being smashed with a hammer, my vision blurry as I stumble.
A massive hand curls around my skinny white ass, burning hot and freezing cold as it raises me up. It hurts, my stomach is being squeezed as I kick my legs and beat at the fingers wrapped around my torso, struggling for breath-
There's a sickening kind of crack in my ears-
"Ah. Oops."
What a fucking way to go, huh? Oops. Really makes a gal feel special.
When I open my eyes in the darkness… who should I come face to face with but myself. Only, not really myself, like… a white, fuzzy outline of myself.
Ah. Like fucking Truth. From Fullmetal Alchemist.
"I'm not actually Truth, though you can think of me that way," the being (god?) says. It grins at me, unrepentant in the face of my disbelief. "Functionally, I operate on the same level. Just not quite. I won't bore you with the details, since hearing about it might crack your head open."
"Like an egg?" Is all I can manage to say.
"Like an egg." Truth sounds a little too gleeful at that. I sigh, plopping down onto my ass and crossing my legs. Truth mirrors my movements perfectly.
"Okay. Sure." I rub my temples, sucking in a deep breath and trying not to throw a fit. "So I died, right?"
"Mmmhm."
"What the fuck happened? How the hell did that… thing kill me? As much as I like to pretend otherwise, I know magic and shit isn't actually real. So… how?"
"An accident. A split universe, really, because you were just unlucky enough to have the Flamenco effect happen to you."
"I'm sorry, the what?!"
"The Flamenco effect. Someone in your universe came up with it and I liked it enough to use it as the term to explain what happens when these reality-breaching accidents occur. You remember watching Samurai Flamenco?"
The name is vaguely familiar. "The… anime about the guy who wanted to be a hero in a normal world? And then things kept getting weirder and weirder, the show just kept jumping the shark?"
"That's the one!" Truth grins wider, clapping their hands together. "In that show, the world Flamenco had a special effect- but only when pronounced correctly and only in extremely rare cases."
"Oh yeah… I remember something like that. So what does that have to do with Tot Musica?"
"Oh, it's pretty simple. When something is created- physically, imagined, narratively, it all applies- it retains the power given to it. Tot Musica is one such creation where its powers span across worlds- or universes, per say- so there is always the most miniscule chance of its power bleeding through it's world into yours."
I stare, trying to wrap my mind around Truth's words. "That's not simple at all, you fuck. So, what, Tot Musica is real because it has reality-breaking powers? Or…"
"All creations exist somewhere, in other worlds. Your species make hundreds of millions of worlds every day- daydreams, stories, dreams and nightmares- and occasionally, alternate timelines where things break through," Truth says. "Your world is so very good at creating things, so we protect it and don't allow it to be destroyed by the things you create. Sometimes, though, the things you create with reality-breaking or universe-crossing powers just… slip through anyway. Doing what they were designed to do."
By we, I assume Truth means… whatever the fuck its species or people or whatever are. I don't know how to handle that fucking revelation so I ignore the fuck out of it.
"Why do you protect us, then? And what happens when things do slip through?"
Truth waves a hand. "We feed on energy. When a world dies, we consume it. When sleep ends, we consume the dreams. When a story finishes, we feed on the energy it made." The grin on Truth's face grows wider. "It's a symbiotic relationship. You humans provide us with food with the force of your dreams and creativity and we prevent those very same dreams from ruining your world. When something comes, we split it off from your world into an alternate timeline and devour that timeline to keep your world safe. Usually we're pretty good at not getting people caught in that alternate timeline."
"Let me guess," I say dryly, "you fucked up and caught me in it?"
A shrug. "You could say that. It's not too uncommon, though. Don't worry, that timeline you came from is 'gone', you won't be missed since the main 'you' is still there on Earth."
"Ughhh." Truth wasn't lying, my head does hurt listening to this being talk. "…okay, sure. So what does that mean for me?"
"It means," Truth says with a gleeful tone to its voice, "that you're about to be isekai'd."
"WHAT?!" I shriek, shooting up to my feet. "No! I don't even like the isekai genre!"
"Yes you do, you can't lie to me," Truth says with a laugh, also on its feet. "I'll be sending you to the One Piece world. Since I'm feeling nice, I'll grant you three boons."
Frantically, I start pacing back and forth, reaching up and running my hands through my hair. Oh, god, I am so not prepared for this. What about my meds?! Those definitely aren't going to be in the One Piece universe. I haven't even reached Franky yet! I just finished Skypiea! Sure, I've had a lot of shit spoiled for me because of the fandom, but that's not the same as actually watching it!
I have to use these boons carefully. I could completely shred the universe apart with the right (wrong?) power. Oh, fuck. This is too much. Stupid thoughts slide through my brain and suddenly I can't think of anything. My head is just empty.
(Fuck me, this is why I hate playing guessing games. Someone asks and I have no answers at all, nothing but a mute blankness and a desperate grasping in my head for words to say.)
I put my face in my hands. Maybe I'm thinking about this the wrong way. What do the Strawhats need? There's Luffy of course as the captain, Zoro the first mate and swordsman, Nami the navigator, Usopp the sniper (and liar, bless his heart), Sanji the cook, Chopper the doctor, Robin the archeologist, Franky the Shipwright, Brook the Musician, and Jinbei the helmsman. What else does a ship need?
( A MAID, my brain helpfully shouts. I stand on the neck of that thought and tell it to shut the hell up.)
Truth's grin grows wider, waiting.
A… quartermaster? Isn't that a thing? Oh god, I don't know anything about sailing. I don't even know what a quartermaster does!
"A quartermaster," Truth helpfully tells me, "is in charge of making sure the captain's orders are carried out and is in charge of the daily operations of a ship." They pause then add, "they're also in charge of punishments."
"Oh, fuck," I mutter. "I'm gonna be the quartermaster, aren't I…. oh, god, having to wrangle those idiots…" I can feel the headaches already.
Truth just laughs. I've said it before, but what a bastard.
"Okay." I sigh, plopping back down onto my ass. "Right now, I am wholely unprepared to wrangle the Strawhats. I'm pretty fucking physically weak and have no stamina and can't fight."
"Don't worry about that, your body will adapt to the power levels of your new world."
"...okay." Probably shouldn't wish for a strong body, then, if that's already going to be taken care of. "Then… I want mastery over haki."
"Done."
That was a lot easier than I was expecting. I press my hands to my mouth, frowning in thought. "I don't want to be lactose intolerant anymore," I declare. It's stupid, but I miss cheese.
"Sure. I'll even give you that for free, it's such a minor thing."
"What, really?" I wasn't expecting that, aren't gods supposed to be, like, stingy and tricky?
"Maybe some gods. Not me, I like being generous and main-timeline you will go on to create a lot so I'm feeling generous."
"Oh. Okay. Also stay out of my head, please."
Truth's grin stays firmly in place, laughing at me.
Two more wishes… but what else to pick? What's something important I could do? Or have? I should probably know how to use a weapon… okay, what do the Strawhats need? I don't want to use swords, Nami uses her staff, Usopp is the sniper but he uses a slingshot so maybe I could use guns but I don't really want to upstage him, Sanji uses his feet, Chopper fights hand to hand, Franky is just… Franky… Brook uses a rapier, I think?, and Jinbei uses fishman Karate if I'm not mistaken, so…
Man… the team could probably use some more long-range support… but what could I do that wouldn't fuck with Usopp being the sniper? The poor kid's already got self-esteem issues…
Guns and bows… the only things I could think of. Guns might be a little too lethal, so… but a bow would be pretty similar to a sniper role, wouldn't it? God, I'm overthinking this so hard.
"You really are," Truth informs me.
"Please stay out of my head," I tell them again. "Okay. Please make me a master archer."
"Done."
I really can't think of anything else for my third wish. I tap my fingers impatiently on my leg, struggling to think of anything. It's just blank up there.
Wait.
Wait, wait, wait.
"Can I wish that Luffy's gears- or abilities- don't reduce his lifespan?" I ask, latching onto the idea in a sudden burst of wild inspiration. Maybe I can save my captain from an insanely reduced lifespan, that's a thing, isn't it?
Truth tilts its head to the side, humming contemplatively. "Interesting," it muses. "That would be effectively removing a limiter on Luffy's skills…"
I sit there, my knuckles white as I grip my knees while Truth thinks over the idea.
"No," it finally decides. "That would break an innate part of the world. I don't feel like messing about with that, it would make the world itself unstable."
Fuck. That kind of figures, though. I sigh, slumping a little. "Okay. I really can't think of anything else right now."
"How about an IOU, then?" Truth offers me a sly grin. "One more wish for yourself at a future date, subject to my approval. But you'll only get it if I think it will make your story interesting."
"I'll take it. I can't possibly think of what else it might be used for, so…" I shrug.
"An IOU it is, then." Truth leans forward, suddenly much closer than before, and presses a finger to my chest over my heart. A burning pain spreads there for a moment and I yelp- but when Truth takes their hand away and I tug my shirt down to look, I can see a stylized ink there on my chest. It looks kind of like the symbols on the Gate in Fullmetal Alchemist.
I level Truth with a look. "You really like that anime, huh?" I ask dryly. It shrugs.
"Only because you do, my form is picked off of your preferences. If you didn't like it so much then I would be something else."
"Terrifying thought. Thanks."
Truth claps their hands together and then points to the side where a door is manifesting. "Alright, go on and be entertaining. Enjoy your new skills!"
"I'll do my best," I say dryly. As I turn and start walking toward the door, knowledge starts to wiggle into my brain, my body starting to ache with each step. It's definitely Truth's doing, giving me what I asked for, but wow it's so uncomfortable.
"Wait!" I yelp, spinning around. "If lactose intolerance was a freebie, can I have another?! Make me a natural-born redhead, I don't want to keep dying my hair, especially at sea!"
Truth laughs and makes a little shoo motion toward the door. "Sure, sure! Go on, you're stalling."
I definitely am. I reach out to the door and put my hand on the knob.
Am I ready for this? Definitely not. But…
Guess you can't stop yourself from getting isekai'd. That's the whole point of the genre.
Deep breath in- and deep breath out. I square my shoulders…
…and step through the door.