Prom was a waste of time in Louise's opinion, but she still felt an obligation to go. Tina never got to attend a prom. Even though she had dreamed about it for years. Zeke had been elected class president his senior year and had found a way to honor Tina. A special raffle was held during the period of ticket sales. Nat offered free limo services to the dancer and Gretchen donated a deluxe hairstyling. Tickets were sold from $1 up to $20 and the proceeds would go to meningitis research. Zeke also set up a memorial to Tina at the dance. Tina had been honored at what should have been her prom but still she didn't really get to go. So, Louise reluctantly opted to go in her honor.
Gene had attended their prom two years earlier with their boyfriend of the month Kyle, Colin, or maybe Keith, but for all Louise knew it could have been Fred. Gene had come out as gender fluid and pansexual about six months after the family reunited. They had dated a few girls but mainly it was boys. So many boys. Back to their prom night. Gene had been reluctant to go fearing the influence of alcohol but Courtney, Alex, and Ted. That was it Ted had vowed to watch out for them. Look Gene wasn't a slut or anything. They just weren't ready to commit at eighteen but now they were practically engaged to a boy from school, Nate. OK Prom. Louise was reflecting on Prom. Gene had gone to Prom two years ago. They cried and Linda cried (She would have cried regardless but sending your middle child to Prom first because your oldest died six years earlier hits different.) Bob had cried and once Bob and Linda had gone downstairs to prepare to reopen. Louise had her turn to cry. That was another Bob began reopening late after Prom, homecoming, and all the other high school experiences Tina missed and Gene and Louise were not keen about. Even when Gene decided to attend Prom. They took pictures, hugged, and cried. Then they got to work.
Louise hadn't wanted to attend Prom. She didn't have Gene's fears. She just didn't want to go. Benj had graduated the year before and Jessica held Louise's beliefs. She really had no reason to go. Until Rudy asked her. Rudy and she were still best friends, but that was the thing. She wanted them to stay friends. Even though she had been in love with him since that stupid museum field trip in the fourth grade. She didn't want to risk them breaking up and losing his friendship. So, she couldn't complain too much when Rudy, who was desperate for romance ended up dating Chloe Barbash in the eighth grade. It killed her to see but it was better to see him date her enemy but still be her friend. Then their relationship fails, and she has to endure another loss. Then right before homecoming Sophomore year Rudy caught Chloe cheating on her with a Senior. He forgave her and she turned right around and hooked up with Kevin Ishma. Again, the idiot forgave her. The trend continued throughout Sophomore year. Then over that summer Sylvester had a severe asthma attack that resulted in a stroke. Thank God he recovered but the first two weeks were touch and go. Needless to say, Rudy needed Chloe at that time. She showed up to the hospital once for about fifteen minutes and then the next day told Rudy she had Strep Throat and could not be near sick people. That same night Rudy's mom and Paul ordered him to spend some time away from the hospital. After being there day and night for ten days. Rudy went to the Wonder Wharf, Fourth of July festival. Where he caught Chloe hooking up with half the football team. The end result was a very public and traumatic breakup, and Rudy swearing off romance. That hurt but at least it made it easier for Louise to guard her heart. Until that fateful spring day when Prom tickets went on sale and Rudy casually asked her as they walked home from poetry club. Despite her feelings for him being stronger than ever. She wanted to say no but she knew how hard it must have been for him to ask and dammit. She did love him. So, she said yes.
Louise's Prom night was just like Gene's. Everybody cried but this time Louise could not hide her tears. When Rudy showed up with the yellow corsage and clipped it to her blue dress. When he adjusted the barrette of Tina's that Louise wore. When Gene drove two hours from their preforming arts college just to see her off. When even after so many years Louise was still expecting Tina to run down the hall and embrace her. It all became too much. Rudy was the first to notice and he pulled her into a tight hug. Her heart fluttered and she buried her head in his neck. God he was so perfect.
"So, I was thinking while we aren't going to the same school. We are only two hours away from each other. Do you want to you know be actual boyfriend and girlfriend and we have been best friends since fourth grade?" Rudy asked.
"I don't know." Louise sighed.
"Are you gay or something? Not that all tomboys are gay and not that you have to date me. It's just I don't know I thought you liked me?" Rudy rambled.
"No, I am straight, and I like you I really do." Louise sighed.
"So why don't you want to date me?" Rudy questioned.
"Because I am scared." Louise whispered.
"Scared? What's scary about dating me? I can't run and I got beat up by a pillow once." Rudy wondered.
"I know you are harmless, Rudy. It's just what if things don't work out? What if we split up? What if it's really ugly like your parents and we can't even be friends anymore. Rudy, you are the reason I survived losing Tina. I mean Zeke took care of me and My Pop-Pop took me in, but you are my rock. If I lost, you. I don't think I could take that." Louise explained.
"Oh" Rudy sighed.
"But I do like you. I want to date you, but I don't want to lose you." Louise added.
"How about we take it slow. We go out we are a little more serious than just friends, but we don't label it and we just make sure we are comfortable before we take any more steps?" Rudy suggested.
"I would like that." Louise whispered.
It had been twenty years; Louise really should have been over it by now. Nobody had told her that, but she felt that way. It had been twenty years. She shouldn't be waking up every morning in tears. She shouldn't still be having panic attacks. She should be used to Tina being gone and not feel crushed by the weight of her grief. That's how it should have been but that's not how it was. Today was one of those days. She'd had nightmares all night. The same ones she had been having for twenty years now. Reliving the night Tina died and the hellish months that followed. Finally, she gave up on sleep. She sat up in bed her son kicked up a storm in her uterus. So comfortable, so untouched by loss. So unaware his sister was named for an aunt he would never meet. Tina should be the one having babies. Tina should have been the one who got engaged right out of college to the love of her life. Tina should have her life. Maybe she would still have this life. She had loved Rudy even before losing Tina after all, but Tina should be having her life. Maybe not her life but a life. Tina should be alive.
"Mommy?" A small voice called.
"What is it, Tina?" Louise asked.
"Are you OK?" Tina asked.
"Yeah" Louise lied.
"But you are crying. I just miss your aunt." Louise replied.
"Gene but you saw them last night." Tina commented.
"No, your Aunt Tina. The one who died when I was a kid." Louise explained.
"Oh" Tina whispered.
"I wish you could have known her. You would have loved her so much and she would have been so loved you." Louise explained.
"What was she like?" Tina asked.
God how Louise hated that question. Tina had asked her about her namesake numerous times. When she was younger it was easier to change the subject but now that she was almost five it was getting harder. She knew she owed it to her daughter, but it was still so hard. She wished that there was family to pawn the conversation off on but there was not. Gene never talked about Tina. For them it was easier just to act as if she never existed and there were no grandparents to do the dirty work. Bob had passed away from a heart attack just before Louise's twenty-first birthday. He just fell over in the kitchen. Louise would never forget Teddy's screams upon discovering the body and the smell of the charred patty of the burger he was making. Linda had only been gone thirteen months. At least unlike her husband and daughter she didn't die some dramatic death. She simply didn't wake up one morning. Gene went over for their morning coffee and found her curled up on the bed, truly at peace for the first time in nineteen years. Ever since that day Louise found herself compulsively calling Gene. Even with Rudy, Tina, and Robert Eugene. She was still terrified of losing what was now her last family.
"She loved horses. Even more than you do." Louise replied after a pregnant pause. There was so much more about Tina but that was what she could choke out before she found herself sobbing again.
Rudy woke to his daughter shaking his shoulder. He rolled over and forced himself into a sitting position. Sleeping on the couch was not good for his prematurely bad back but Louise was huge and miserable at the tail end of her pregnancy. He had talked her into a second baby. Of course, Louise had been open to the idea. She was just on the fence when he swayed her to agree. The literal least he could do was sleep on the couch so she could have the bed to herself. At least she still fell for his fake wheezes and believed his lie that his asthma was acting up and it was easier to stay on the couch.
"Daddy! Mommy is crying!" Tina cried.
"What's wrong?" Rudy yawned.
"She misses Aunt Tina." Tina whispered.
"Oh" Rudy sighed.
"I asked what she was like, and she cried. Was I bad?" Tina asked.
"No, you weren't it's just hard for her. She misses your aunt just like she misses your grandparents." Rudy assured.
"But she talks about grandma and grandpa all the time." Tina commented.
"Yes, but you remember your grandma and your grandpa died when he was older. It was still very hard, but your Aunt Tina was so young." Rudy explained.
"What was she like?" Tina asked.
"She was a lot like you. She was shy but very kind. She loved horses and zombies like you. She loved boys too but let's give it a few years before you share that trait." Rudy explained.
"Boys are gross!" Tina laughed.
"Hey" Rudy cooed.
"Not you." Tina assured.
"She loved being a big sister just like you are going to. She adored taking care of your mom and Gene. Now we won't expect you to do that. We will take care of your brother and we will show you how to help but you don't have to." Rudy explained.
"I'll help! I want to be a mommy! And even if I still think boys are icky. I can just get special shots in my tummy and have a baby that way. Just like Gene and Miles did." Tina explained, recalling the very rudimentary explanation of IVF they had given her when Gene and Miles announced they would soon have a baby.
"Let's start with being a big sister and see how you feel. Then we can talk about IVF." Rudy laughed.
"You are so much like her." Louise whispered wiping away a tear before joining them on the couch.
"Yes, but boys are icky." Tina agreed.