[Video starts]

[Stan is steadying the camera before leaving it as is and sitting down at a table the camera was placed on.]

Ford: (offscreen) Is it working?

Stan: Yeah, I think so.

Ford: (offscreen) Good. The stand should be able to balance itself while the boat is moving.

Stan: Cool. Great to hear. (stares at screen for a few seconds) …Sooo, what am I doing again?

Ford: (offscreen) You are recording yourself in case of future relapses to help you jog your memory.

Stan: Oh, right…What should I say?

Ford: (offscreen) I don't know. Whatever comes to mind?

Stan: Well, right now, I'm thinking of how to respond to this…Like I'm doing now. And now. And now. And no–

Ford: (offscreen;authoritative) Stanley.

Stan: (chuckling) I'm just messin' around.

Ford: (offscreen;witty) Somehow, I doubt that.

[Stan props his head on the table]

Stan: Seriously, what's the point of this?

Ford: (offscreen) Mabel believes it might help you in the future. To talk things out.

Stan: Isn't that why I have you around? Why talk to myself, like I'm my own shrink?

Ford: (offscreen) You'd be surprised how talking to yourself can help you organize your thoughts. I do it and so does Dipper, according to Mabel. It's what led to her conclusion to this method.

Stan: (smirks) Sounds like a smart people thing.

Ford: (offscreen) Then, you shouldn't have a problem. At least do this for Dipper and Mabel. Otherwise, Mabel won't let you hear the end of it.

[Stan laughs.]

Stan: (fondly) Hah. Those kids…You know, I never thought about havin' kids of my own. Thought they were all gross and whiny. Havin' them around at the shack kinda proved my point. You have no idea how many times I had to tell them to keep their snot covered hands off the exhibits. Heck, I didn't even wanna hold Morgan when he was a baby, all drooly and stuff.

Stan: But…when Dipper and Mabel were born, it was like a switch was flipped or somethin'. They were just as gross and whiny and snotty as any other kid, but it was different. If it was any other kid, hell no, I'm not touchin' that even with a 50 foot pole. But ask me to change Dipper's diaper or burp Mabel at the risk of spit up, I was there in a heartbeat.

Ford: (offscreen) What about Soos? He's practically the closest thing to a son you're ever going to get.

Stan: It was before Soos started workin' at the shack. Three years, I think?

Ford: (offscreen) Did it make you wish that you had kids of your own?

[Stan lets out a laugh.]

Stan: Nah…I didn't want the 'screw up' gene to live on.

[There was the sound of some movement, like a book being closed.]

Ford: (offscreen; softly) Stanley, you are no screw up. I'm sure you would've been a great father.

Stan: (shrugs) Not interested. Besides, those kids are all I need.

[Stan has the look of realization.]

Stan: We can edit all that out, right?

[Ford starts laughing.]

[Video ends]

Mabel - [Awwww. We love you too, Grunkle Stan! 3]

Dipper - [I always knew he was a softy.]

Ford - [Despite what he had said, Stanley always adored children. He just needed the perfect pair of children for him to realize this.]

Mabel - [And that's us!]

Dipper - [Wow, Grunkle Stan. Didn't know you liked us as babies.]

Stan - [Shut it. And stop laughin', Poindexter!]

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

Hey! I just wanna say that I may be projecting a little in this because it happened to me. Growing up, I wanted nothing to do with babies. When I was three, I refused to touch my newborn cousin because she was all drooly and snotty. In my late teenage years, when my cousins started having kids, it was the same song and dance. But then...my sister's first daughter was born and suddenly, it was different. Needed a diaper change? I was there. Needed to be burped? I was there. Oop, there's some spit up! It's okay, I'm fine. Oop, baby's drooling all over you! Awww, it's cute~...It's weird.