[Video starts]
[A title card saying 'Keeping Up with the Northwests' appears with fanfare.]
Announcer: On this week's episode of Keeping Up with the Northwests !
[The title card disappears to show the Northwests standing in front of a nice house, just big enough for a family of three. Not far is the former Northwest Mansion, now the McGucket Manor.]
Preston: We're broke!
[Pacifica frustratedly groans.]
[Video cuts off]
[Video starts]
[A crying Priscilla, mascara running down her face.]
Priscilla: Things just *sniffs* hasn't been the same…We can only afford *sniff* standard living! We're so broke, Pacifica had to start working at a grease shop.
[Video cuts off]
[Video starts]
[At Greasy's Diner, Pacifica is taking someone's order, dressed in the diner's uniform. She seemed chill, having to have long been used to working at the establishment.]
[Pacifica notices the camera focusing on her and gives it a glare.]
Pacifica: Why are you filming me? Wait a second…Have you been following me?!
[Video cuts off]
[Video starts]
[Back to Priscilla, still crying.]
Priscilla: (sniffling) She looked so miserable. How can anyone live like this?!
[She notices a vial of eyedrops in view and knocks it away. She continues to sob.]
[Video cuts off]
[Video starts]
[Preston appears for his own interview, swirling a wine glass.]
Preston: It's bad enough for us to be living among the common folk. But now we have to watch the family manor getting defaced by that hillbilly.
[A screen turns on to reveal that the bushes and trees have been neatly trimmed by a shearer-bot, shaped in various abstract styles. Watching the robot do its work is Fiddleford McGucket. He turns around and notices the camera filming him. He smiles and waves.]
McGucket: (cheerfully) Well, howdy there, neighbor!
[The screen turns off.]
Preston: (angry) McGucket…
[Video cuts off]
[Video starts]
[Shows a rather unperturbed Pacifica.]
Pacifica: I mean, yeah, I don't have two closets for all my shoes, my personal spa, and only one pony…but…it's honestly not that bad.
[There was a slam and Preston appears with an angry glare.]
Preston: I will not tolerate that kind of language, young lady! We're living in a hovel!
[Pacifica scoffs.]
Pacifica: Well, it's better than living in the dump where McGucket used to live. Besides, the guy tips well.
[Preston glared at her more before turning around, disgruntled.]
Preston: I have no time arguing with you.
[He looks at his watch.]
Preston: Now, if you excuse me. I have to get to the dump before it closes. And by me, I meant our one butler.
Pacifica: (confused) What? Why?
[Video cuts off]
[Video starts]
[Shows the 'Keeping Up with the Northwests' title card again.]
Announcer: We'll be back after these messages!
[Video ends]
Stan - [This is the most stupidest thing I've ever seen.]
Ford - [What is this?]
Stan - [I just said it.]
Mabel - [Wow. Gravity Falls' first reality tv show!]
Dipper - [And as fake and needlessly dramatized as any other reality show.]
Stan - [Is anyone really gonna watch this crap?]