Transcript Excerpt Ten: A Nest Plundered

You've had a hard day of thieving and looting, why not sit back, have a cold 'chor and listen to the best tunes in the void? Buzzard Buccaneer Radio, your home for all the rock fit to sail the dark endless sea!

(Bang Your Head - Quiet Riot)

Welcome back to Buzzard Buccaneer Radio everyone! The only show on within a hundred thousand some odd lightyears of here and I like that just fine! I'm Boz the Buzzard, as always, your beloved master of the switchboard. And if you're just tuning in, we're checkin' in on things following the greatest raid in space pirate history!

That's right! We are officially all pirates now! This whole dang Flotilla! Because we just made off with the motherload of booty and stuck it deep up the ass of Snarlbeak himself! We Plundered the Plunder Nest! We pulled off something no other pirate in history could've hoped to do and walked away not only alive but with an impressive ass haul!

I've been fielding calls all day, sharing personal stories of the raid from all angles. I still haven't gotten anything about the Slave Pit with the Spartans, but I'm hopeful. Mostly, I'm just looking to hear about updates concerning what we got and what we're doing with it. There's word we got a tank, we got a ton of cool new guns and, apparently, a really nasty little bomb. I'm not sure how comfortable I am knowing that last one, but I'm hoping someone will call in to set my mind and all of yours at ease.

But hey, let's not bury the lede here. The positives of this whole raid are just infinitely better than even I expected. I mean, when you pull off any raid, there's always a chance your haul isn't what you're expecting or wanting. You might get a ton of good stuff, you might end up with contraband that's a lot harder to unload, or you just have to bolt before you can get anything good. It's always a risk, but from everything I've heard, this went way better than any of us were hoping for.

Everything was kinda working against us here. We were dealing with a bad business partner in the Syndicate, with shoddy intel that was intentionally full of holes, resulting in more than a few surprises according to after action reports. We're talking Razorfins, we're talking chemical warheads, a group of killer Jiralhanae Mercs, a goddamn sangheili princess and a legendary subspecies of Chorka we all didn't think was real until now.

We've already heard stories about some of the fighting here and there, at or around some of the targets at different points in the battle. What I'm still hoping for is some insight into some very specific moments though. And if anyone has any news on say like... that tank or even that nuke... well that would be appreciated too.

So keep tuned to the station, we have some calls coming in, we'll have a brief musical interlude and come right back with someone ready to share their story. See you then, for now here's why we're here everyday... to rock out!

(Nothin' but a Good Time - Poison)

(Shot Down in Flames - AC/DC)

That was Shot Down in Flames, which is more than appropriate given what happened to Snarlbeak's little blockade over his precious nest. That was a spectacular finish to everything. I watched it on our long-range picture feed from our scout drones. Watch that fleet get torn up by its own guns, just priceless. And I talk of that event now because we have someone from the group that made that sight possible with us now. Hello Corporal Pep'kahal, you are on the air.

Hi, Boz, love the show, even with the human music on all the time. I've kinda gotten used to it.

Yeah, it really grows on you. So you were involved in the raid from the start of things, right?

We were at the Distillery for most of it. Varvok had tasked us with holding the garage area, used for loading the ichor primarily. Well, not anymore since its a pile of rubble now. I'll be honest, it looked pretty grim. With Varvok himself gone, we were taking most of our direction from Retz. Thankfully, he has a good sense for strategy. Anyway, that wasn't really the problem, it was just all the shit the enemy was throwing at us. I knew your people liked Ichor, but I didn't think they'd kill for it.

Oh we definitely would, but that wasn't the primary motivator for the assault this time.

No, it wasn't. The enemy was not only trying to recover their leader's chief source of income, but also prevent us from taking away his prized possession.

The Black Chorka.

Yes, but I didn't see much of the creature so I can't really comment on it. I am grateful that it was there though, along with the underground transport system it used. We'd probably be stuck inside that deathtrap of a brewery without it. I was honestly wondering how we were going to get out. We were practically surrounded at that point with our backs to the sea. Sure, we could've swum as Varvok helped Zek kill those killer fish, but still... got more than a little worried there.

You had an easy path back to the Docks and potential safety. But you didn't go there.

No, Lieutenant Commander Varvok had a more important mission for us. The parameters of the mission had changed, Shepard couldn't reach the defensive system controls, or risk losing our escape point. If we had been able to finish the Distillery quickly, as originally planned, that wouldn't have been a problem, but of course that wasn't in the cards. All the same, we had a new mission and Varvok knew we could handle it. We'd take the control tower ourselves and switch the guns on the blockade from there.

And you jumped at the chance?

After being stuck defending our position for a long time, we had been given the chance to go on the offensive. Of course we took it, we needed the release, the chance for a little payback. Besides, if we didn't do it, no one was getting home. Something the Lieutenant Commander impressed on us.

So how did the assault go, from your perspective?

I was one of the teams that breached first. We coordinated it. While the enemy was being drawn away from us by heavy machine gun fire, we infiltrated the perimeter and broke through two entry ways at the base of the tower. My unit pushed forward to their lower control room, on the ground level.

I have to tell you, I didn't expect much for a pirate facility, but clearly Snarlbeak's men operate on a different level. They had some high quality equipment. Complete accurate read outs of all active facilities within the Nest's compound. They had feeds everywhere, no wonder their attacks were so coordinated. Maybe we should've hit them first.

You think it would've made things easier?

In sense, but thinking about what happened after the assault, I realize why we did it the way we did. Even with the loss of command and control, the defenders moved very quickly to counter our assault. We were back to defending mere moments after our successful assault. We're lucky they didn't want to destroy the tower, at least not completely. They might have just bulldozed us with all their weaponry if they did.

Was there much resistance at first though? Before the enemy countered?

I think they were still in shock. They hadn't expected anyone to come at them. They just ASSUMED they were secure with the Docks locked down. They were probably hoping we failed to escape the Distillery after it exploded or they were just recovering from the shock of it. I know I was. We were still in the tunnel when it went up, I was seriously freaking out that it was about to collapse on us all.

Anyway, they had barely even activated their shield gauntlets when I was moving in. I think I took down at least three before the shooting stopped, other got more, particularly those with the Lieutenant Commander's group.

And then, once you had taken the tower, you began to crack the encryption for the grid?

Varvok did, we were on the ground. He got instruction from Shepard's Quarian Mechanic over how to break into the defense systems. But we had to hold until they were done. The pirates got desperate, sending vehicles and infantry into the perimeter. They raked plasma fire everywhere, we could barely lift our heads for very long.

None of them got back inside though, we made sure of that. Anytime any got close to me, I used this Plasma Pistol I found, overcharged it, wrecked their shields. Then quickly used my rifle to take them down. I assisted in another kill, I managed to distract a Ghost long enough for a rocket to slam into it and disable it. I don't think we would've held indefinitely without the timely arrival of our backup.

You mean the Spartans.

Yes, I'm not too proud to admit they came in just when we needed them. I saw one of their number easily jack one of the Ghosts from the enemy pirates and then turn it on the others. But we all tried to reposition so we could watch the Grizzly. I could just see it through a hole in the perimeter wall that had been blasted through earlier. It completely decimated that walking laser tank that had been on our asses earlier. I have to admit... watching it crash to the ground was all kinds of satisfying.

So no ill-will over needing humans to help you out?

I was just happy that we were out of there soon after. I can't really complain at this point as humans have helped save me consistently. I suppose playing for the same team for so long has... well forced me to accept that... well that's just how it is now. I know I'm not alone. When we're fighting with someone, working to the same end, forced to rely on each other, you inevitably have to let animosity go. It's just... weird when it involves humans is all.

Well all the same, isn't it better ultimately? To know that, when you actually get down to it, the people you didn't like weren't actually all that bad?

It has given us a lot to think about. When your leaders turn your back on you and your best hope of survival is repeatedly proven to be the enemy... well it's a culture shock to be sure. But more than that it's just... you can't help but wonder how wrong you are about things. I get into a few arguments with the guys about whether or not we're still here for the same reasons we joined. I'm not sure, all I know is... things have changed. How so and in what way? We're still all trying to figure out. I suspect the Lieutenant Commander is going through this way rougher than we are.

You Batarians have always respected Varvok, I doubt that's going to change just because he's changing his mind a little along with all of you. I'd imagine that makes him even more aligned mentally with the rest of you than even before.

Lieutenant Commander Varvok has always been a true soldier and deeply connected to us. He knows we'd follow him anywhere, that's why he only asks of us what he is willing to do himself. He places himself in great risk, indeed, but he has always, in my mind, been loyal to us first. We would not be here, alive, without him. He will get us home and he will help us find the new mission, because... well, it's obvious that's changed for us all.

Well, hope you don't end up leaving us too soon. I've gotten used to you four-eyed soldier boys, almost as much as you've gotten used to human rock music.

Yeah, I guess that's true enough.

We'll have more testimonials in a moment, but first a little musical break for us all.

(Misty Mountain Hop - Led Zeppelin)

(Hangar 18 - MegaDeth)

You're listening to Buzzard Buccaneer Radio, the most metal station in the entire void of space! Drink up and rock on, Me Hearties!

We got another testimonial of the raid, this time from our friends in the Marine Corps. They had the task of taking out Snarlbeak's drug factory. Eager to hear about this one, so Private Wesson, you're on the air.

Hey Boz, okay, so first thing gotta know is that we were all wearing heavy biological containment gear. I'm talking full gas mask and everything. We trained a lot in them back in the day, how to fight in it and everything. It has been a while since we used them though, so I guess we were a little rusty. It was necessary though, no idea what kind of shit is in the drugs aliens take. No offense to you.

No worries, trust me I know how drugs can fuck up even other kig-yar.

Yeah, but fighting in an enviro-suit and wearing a mask over your face constantly is still a major pain. With all the regular gear, adding just another layer can really mess with your spatial awareness. The mask has decent enough peripheral coverage, but it can still feel stifling after a short while. But you can't take it off because you might breathe in something toxic as shit and then you're dead. So, life over comfort is the rule.

Not like the vids, huh?

The only reason anyone in a film or whatever rips off their mask or helmet or whatever is because the studio wants their actor's fucking faces seen or said actors don't like performing in them for very long. Yeah well, I take off my helmet or mask in a warzone, that's a fucking death sentence. It's stupid, takes me out of any vid. That's not how combat discipline works.

Anyway, I'm trying my best to regulate breathing, right. I just don't wanna fog up my visuals. Luckily, the regulator deals with condensation more or less the same way it deals with foreign contaminates. But you gotta make sure you don't tax it, not easy when the shooting starts.

How did that go?

Confusing, at first. We were all over the damn place, and some of the explosions didn't help either. When you don't know what kind of chemical shit we're dealing, any explosion makes you wanna duck for cover. Who knows what can go off?

We kept looking high up when we got close, because that's where we figured the enemy would be. There were a lot of upper platforms and catwalks all over that building. Way too many nooks and crannies. So, we're watching our shots while also watching our own asses. It could've gotten real bad.

How'd you keep it together?

Good training for one. Not to mention element of surprise. Snarlbeak's people weren't expecting anyone and we got so close to them they couldn't do anything to stop us from getting in the wire. Hitting them fast enough gave them little chance to repel us. It didn't hurt that Sergeant Johnson was at the front of it. I don't know how this old timer has kept up with all us, but seriously, he just fucking owns the battlefield at any given goddamn time. He takes this plasma gunner nest right, he just repositions it and then unloads it on the dug in enemy positions. Guy is a monster.

You're not just saying that because you know the Sergeant is a regular listener? Are you?

Nah, nah, it's just... you know when you see him in action the stories you hear about him suddenly seem a lot more true, ya know? No idea why he ain't a Spartan at this point. Anyway, we manage taking the place pretty efficiently, even if its a scary ass time the whole way cause we don't know what might trip the whole place to explode before we're even done with it. With us and the Drop Troopers on either side, it was a well coordinated two prong assault. Then comes the real hard part though, clearing, securing and holding.

Which job were you on?

Clearing at first, but mainly the ground floor. There were only a few of the bastards left by that point. I got put on security detail for the explosive guys to give them space to set up. Not my idea, I don't like being near things that could blow up in my face. I think I've made that clear, but you know had to be done. Just in case we missed a fucker or they got back in somehow. Other squads were handling the lower and higher levels. Defense was largely coordinated by Vakarian and his people. I did see how the fields got ignited though.

Really? What happened?

Well we're working on setting up another demo charge, but then there's this big orange burst out a window. I'm worried some fucking bastard just hit a chem-tank or something. I look out once I realize we're not all on fire, it's just the fields. They're starting to go up and I'm watching that old mercenary guy, with the scar, he's running back to cover with his flamethrower still lit up. Meanwhile, those crops are completely engulfed! Just absolutely aflame!

Leadership suggests that the high temperatures and extra sunlight had made the fields susceptible and the plants had not yet under gone their watering cycle for the day.

Has to be the reason, no other way that field would've gone up so fast. Shit, I almost got blinded by that bonfire. But it was a good stroke of luck, because that cut off an easy access point for the enemy to get at us. Made defense easier, not that I was on that detail, but it took a load off my mind. Well, at least until after.

You mean what was discovered in the basement.

Now I'm extra happy that we kept those masks on the entire time we were there. Like holy fuck, that damn pirate bitch who set this up couldn't tell us about the fucking chem warheads? For fucking real? What if that fire we set off didn't stay localized to the fields or if we shot the wrong thing in there? We didn't have all the intel we needed and we could've gotten killed because of it!

Believe me, you're not the only person who is upset about how many bullshit lies Zix told or info she decided to omit from us.

Good, because it was bullshit. Finding out you're standing on a chemical weapons stockpile beneath a fucking drug factory is all kinds of unsettling. I learn about it just as soon as we set our last demo. I'm thinking, do we disarm everything now? How much time does that take? Because fuck, if we gotta go back all the way through the factory to get everything, that just means we're spending even more time in a goddamn deathtrap!

Lucky me, that wasn't the case, we got ready to leave soon after. Course we ended up at the Distillery for a bit dealing with that crap, but at least it wasn't a building full of fucking chemical weapons! I was really happy to be far away from that place before it blew.

Technically, you and everyone at the Drug Factory left two buildings while blowing them up.

Gotta admit, feels a bit badass. I think our entry into the Distillery was way cooler though than the exit. I was helping to push one of the Ghosts we loaded up with explosives. When we let that sucker go, it went straight for the back of a Wraith! BOOM! Took it and a few of the fucking Snarlies with it.

Snarlies?

Yeah, some of the guys are using that to differentiate your Jackals from the other Jackals, the one we're still killing that are working for Snarlbeak. Makes telling some of these stories a bit easier, we can't just call every Jackal that now, because... well it's confusing. And we can't call you all pirates because then you have to specify which pirates you mean. So, well a few people suggested calling them Snarlies to make it easier.

Huh, I like it. Simple. I want to add, thanks for coming to the rescue of our fellow crewmates down there. It's very appreciated.

Eh, it was mostly Vakarian's idea, but hey, better to run to you than stay in that toxic deathtrap. Plus we got to help free some alien whales, so it's all good.

Wel the assistance is appreciated. We'll have more stories from the raid to share later on, but for now, let's listen to some tunes.

(Teach Them How to Bleed - Motorhead)

(Blackened - Metallica)

Okay, we're back with some news finally on our plunder from the Plunder Nest, specifically the stuff we want to know the most about. Namely, that big honkin' tank the Master Chief apparently drove for a bit... and the deadly superweapon that could blow us all to the Abyss and back if it should happen to go off. Rest assured, it won't because it's been disarmed... for now, but still it's something to consider. So, we're going to turn things over to friend of the show and Chief Engineer for the SR2 Normandy, Tali'Zorah.

Hello, Boz good to speak with you on air under... normal circumstances.

Let's not dwell on that, feels like forever ago. So, what can you tell us about our recent acquisitions?

Quite a few interesting things. I'd note our recovered of the Gauss Weaponry pieces is a good find. We should be able to reassemble them and even utilize them. It will take time of course, but they're in very good condition. We should have at least one fully working Gauss weapon before long.

The Grizzly Tank is different, highly modified with Plasma-based technology. It has the main gun we all expect UNSC tanks to have... but it also has a heavy Fuel Rod Cannon, similar to what you'd find on a Hunter. We believe it can shoot beams or even explosive single shots if true.

We didn't get any reports of the Master Chief using the Fuel Rod Cannon though. Why not?

It's a new secondary weapons systems installed into the tank. I believe the Master Chief forwent activating it. Probably for the best, until we can check out everything, we can't be sure any of Snarlbeak's modifications are up to code. We might blow something up. That and their means of activation is, well... new. We're not sure what every button does. We're working through a sort of checklist.

How many mods did Snarlbeak order on this thing?

Just one example that we have checked, the tank has a shield, similar to some Wraiths. However, it is very unstable. I don't think they were finished with it. Our tests so far have shown that activating it causes strain on the power source. The tank stalls out completely as all electrical energy is diverted to the shield. Shutting it down eventually returns functionality, but it requires restarting the tank entirely. Not practical for a battlefield situation.

Damn, good thing Chief didn't use it then.

All the modifications seem to be about merging Covenant technology with human. Which is interesting as so far that's never been something we've seen. Snarlbeak clearly doesn't believe in the same taboos as the Covenant despite his desire to join them.

The Covenant have always refused adapting or learning from human technology. They believe its heretical to give any acknowledgement to human ingenuity. Just suggesting as much denotes a level of respect for a species they believe is an abomination. They're assholes like that.

Bosh'tet racists, indeed, but Snarlbeak's attempts to acquire and learn from human weaponry shows he's a lot more open-minded. He's looking for things that he hopes can use to boost his own arsenal. That much is obvious.

But why? Are there any theories as to why that would be a priority to him?

He has explained before that he doesn't agree with wiping out humanity. Perhaps this is him attempting to prove they can be of use? But he was going to sell this tank off, maybe to cement an alliance. It's the best I can think of, I'm more into tech than business arrangements.

If we can get the tank certified, you think it could be useful?

Depending on the combat conditions involved, likely. But it is frankly overkill in terms of weaponry. We'd probably be better off trying to uninstall everything or at least most of it and streamlining the design. The Grizzly is already a powerful offensive weapon, it doesn't need all this extra stuff.

Quarian design philosophy has always advocated for practicality and simplicity. Overencumbering any design is always going to lead to problems. So I'm going to push to see what works, what is unfinished and to remove anything that is too time-consuming to finalize. And to remove anything that is too much of a burden on the Grizzly itself. There are some things I hope we can keep or at least smooth over, but generally I'm thinking a lot of these extra weapons and toys need to go.

Well let's hope it still looks plenty badass when you're done. Let's talk about the big item though, the one that's causing some concern.

The warhead is not armed, believe me, my team and the UNSC engineers have looked it over. It's not going to go off at random. We've also secured it high security vault in the Gettysburg armory just to be extra safe. So, there's no need to panic there.

That's good, but what do you know about it?

It appears to be a FENRIS Warhead. It's a bit older than the UNSC's now more common HAVOK devices. They're still in use though due to ordinance shortages. It's low-yield, but that doesn't count for much in terms of Thermonuclear devices. It has a wide blast radius. It could potentially decimate a small city or a fleet in space.

So are we planning to use it? I mean, we have an enemy fleet reportedly that we need to destroy.

It's an option, but we have other nuclear devices on the Gettysburg we could use. More modern ones that easier to transport. Right now, its best to keep this one in reserve. Honestly, it's just good that no one else has it. Especially not Snarlbeak.

I think we can agree on that. Thanks for the update, Tali'Zorah and congrats on your role in our latest acquisitions. I think this kinda makes you and the other members of the Normandy pirates yourselves to a degree.

I'll accept raider, that feels more appropriate to me.

Eh, fledgling steps. Thanks again. Now then let's have some tunes before we get back to another testimonial from the raid. I think I have just the one keyed up for us.

(Rattlesnake Shake - Motley Crue)

(Mean Man - W.A.S.P.)

We are back and we are now talking with a good friend of the show and mine, our sharpshooting expert, a real long range executioner, let's welcome Keth to the program! Hey there Keth, how's it hanging Deadeye?

I really wish you just had a normal intro for once.

I'm hyping you up, is that so wrong?

Ugh, whatever, you've had others call in about the Distillery attack all day, I'm not sure what other perspective I can add.

You had the best view of the entire fight, among other things. You were on the roof for pretty much the whole time.

Yeah, and it was a pretty fucking great place to be. What with every other Plasma Mortar almost blowing me to paste. You have no idea what kind of pressure I was under up there. Shooting fuckers below, dodging fire and constantly trying to keep appraisals on our Shipmaster's fishing trip.

And that's why I'm talking to you, for your first hand account of the entire field of combat. Come on, Keth help a guy out here.

I already agreed, I'm not backing out, I'm just reiterating how trying it was. Seriously, not my kind of morning. I've barely decompressed as it is.

Alright just take it slow. We know from others that the infiltration went well, but the discovery of Razorfins complicated matters.

Yeah, can't release the Chorka, they'll get eaten. Can't keep the Chorka inside, they'll die. Either way violates the pirate code and would get us all marked. So they had to go and that was no easy feat. But for me, I'm just positioned to keep the fuckers who want the brewery back out.

The top of the Distillery was pretty decent as far as a sniper's perch could be. Lots of places to hide, some good vantage points, plenty of relocation spots. That did not make it easy. Not for a minute. I was mostly just running from end to end picking off officers and hoping it was enough to stall things. And when I had a minute or two, I checked on Zek and Varvok to see how they were doing. If their little dinghy was still floating, they were okay.

You ever see them fighting the Razorfins?

Constantly, the fuckers weren't exactly giving Zek a break. Or Zek wasn't giving them, wasn't always so sure about which it was at any given minute. I couldn't always watch it, so I don't have a full picture of the fight with them. But it was close, real close. We're lucky Zek ain't fish food honestly.

Still, he pulled it off, he killed all three of them! Three Razors! That's impressive given what they were piloting.

That boat was not made for hunting, true. It was made for delivering meals to three of the worst apex predators in any ocean. So I'm not going to deny it and say that what Zek did wasn't impressive. It was. It was also reckless, but that's par for the course.

My problem is I was stuck playing commentator for Extreme Razorfin Fishing while also dodging plasma and trying to kill fucking Snarlies! So it was a little fucking bullshit, okay? I don't like having that many fucking jobs in a firefight.

You weren't alone up there for the whole fight.

No, but for a good chunk of it I was. I had to split my time constantly between shooting, relocating and reporting in about Zek and Varvok's status. It got more than a little exhausting. Anyway, as far as the frontal end of the fight, the one with the siege, I had some pretty good kills. Managed to land a shot between a Ghost's pilot's eyes. His rig just up and turned over, smashing into some of his friends. I mostly went for people on turrets to stop their supressing fire. Generally, I looked for officers. They were harder to spot this go around. They were standing behind the Wraiths mostly.

Not much for leading from the front, huh?

It was the smart thing to do, can't blame them there. I managed to get one with a pretty decent shot. Banked the beam off the armor plate of the Wraith, sliced into the side of the head. Pretty good kill... it almost got me killed cause it gave the Wraith my position and I had to move. You know, it's a good thing that Distillery was built like a damn fortress or else those fuckers would've taken it down for us while we were still inside! Assholes.

Did the Marines showing up take some of the edge off though? Garrus Vakarian himself was operating on the roof with other sharpshooters.

It was nice to not have to have the whole fucking long-ranged defense of the place on my damn shoulders. Garrus was probably the best shot of them, but the ODSTs and Marines with him weren't slouches. Their high-powered rifles were a lot more effective at taking down pilots in their Wraiths than my gun was. I saw one of the hatches pop right off from two shots, followed by a third that his friend managed to land right in the pilot's skull. That ended that problem. Couldn't do the same with the Locust when it showed up though. Tougher cockpit.

Those human rifles certainly pack a hell of a punch.

I've seen them take heads clean off, Boz. They're built to stop someone cold, period.

And Garrus was even better?

His weapon doesn't have the same punch, but it doesn't matter. The guy plays it like a fucking orchestra. It's a sight to watch up close. I've worked with a lot of sharpshooters, Vakarian is a whole other breed. Three enemy pilots, all zigging, all zagging, Two Revenants and one of them Spectres. They were gunning the building walls hard. I saw Vakarian's shots take out both Revenant pilots while they were strafing and turning hard evasive. Then he landed a shot on the turret gunner for the Spectre and next the driver in a few seconds between them. He has such composure and control... it's insane.

Could it be the rifle he's using?

The gun is half the equation in any sniping scenario. It's the bird behind it that matters in the end. The mentality. Vakarian has such a steel trap of a mind. I can only guess he's doing the fucking calculations in his head before he even lines up the target. I have to at least think a bit about range, velocity, positioning. He doesn't. He's already figured it out somehow. He's fucking unreal.

I see.

And his weapon isn't energy based like mine. He has to factor wind resistance and bullet drop to a greater degree. I don't care if he has that Mass Effect Tech helping him out, even a tiny grain accelerated at insane speeds like that has a drop. Inertia plays a role with mass. Energy bolts from my Beam Rifle don't... and Garrus still outclasses that. Zek's the only other sniper I've even admitted is better than me like that.

You uh... you seem to have a great deal of admiration for Vakarian there.

I admire the skill more than anything, Boz. Overall, being stuck up there was almost worth it to watch that display of sharpshooting in action personally.

And Zek's side of things? You were watching that just as much.

Had to, it was the job. Gotta say, I never pegged the Shipmaster for a fisherman. I know he did it for a while, but that was a con as I understood it at the time. Guess some of the role stuck with him. Or at least he ended up being angrier than them. More than a few close shaves though.

Such as?

He beached one on the rocks. Almost ate him alive. I don't know how exactly, but he managed to get out of there and shoot it up with Varvok. Somehow... the Razor exploded from the inside. More than once the bastards started munching on the boat. They used a lot of plasma grenades to make them run off. Plasma cannon didn't have much penetration along the water surface, so it was mostly useless unless the fuckers came up.

Why wouldn't the plasma cannon work?

Because Boz, plasma doesn't really work underwater. The superheated energy basically evaporates near on contact. All you get is steam. And in the open ocean, all you're doing is just boiling the surface. Water is actually surprisingly effective at fucking over shots. Human bullets, needles, carbine shots, spikes, the friction of the water slows EVERYTHING with mass down considerably. I don't even think Mass Effect tech can really overcome it in the end. Eventually, moving through that much liquid is going to kill any forward momentum. Think of it like running through snow. You can do it... but eventually you lose all stamina.

You're pretty knowledgeable about this stuff, Keth.

I know ballistics, I'm a fucking professional. Sometimes I think I'm the only one among any of you. Anyway, with the water making a ton of their weapons almost useless, bringing the Razors up was necessary every time.

However, the fucking monsters just lay into that dinghy at any opportunity. It started out hovering, then it was actually in the water, by the end it was under it. Zek pulled it off somehow, I was impressed, but holy fuck he honestly should've died. I mean at least at one point he should've been fish food.

Do you mean when he went overboard? We've heard this from Zek himself.

He DID go overboard. I don't know what happened under there, but when the Razor came back up it a fucking steel harpoon in its head and was still fucking going! Zek then pulls something out of the fucking boat's console and electrocutes it to death! Sometimes I honestly wonder if Taq ain't wrong when she says he's recklessly insane.

Not to badmouth our beloved archeologist, but she's still his ex. I think she has some inherent bias there.

Maybe, anyway. Near as I could tell after that, things got pretty bleak. I really thought they were done for while that boat was sinking. The last Razorfin had already munched and ripped off their plasma cannon. Then it was tearing apart their ship bit by bit. I think Zek got close to being eaten right there. But... somehow, he blew the last one up. And given that the explosion looked like an overloading plasma core, I think he hit the cannon itself. Must've gotten lodged into the Razor's teeth.

Well, in any case, Zek has killed three Razorfins, in the water, like the pirates of old. And he freed the Chorka from their bondage. Including a really big one it seems.

That was Retz more than Zek. I mean, I don't know WHY we let a Black Chorka go but... I guess we weren't going to keep it in the end. I'm not sure Zek is very happy about it, but Retz made his case. I don't know where I fall but, that Black Chorka Ichor we snatched is gonna have to last us a while if we want to hang onto it. Make it last.

We got plenty else out of the Distillery. So many stocks, so many recipes, high class liquors and spirits. We're swimming in the tasty drinks, Keth! So we don't have the magical legendary 'chor, whatever! We did just fine without it and we'll keep doing fine I say.

Yeah, yeah, still crazy to know that a Black Chorka is real and I saw it. Even if only for like a little bit. Gotta tell ya, it was a sight to fucking behold. Probably never gonna see one of them again.

Well, that's just the beauty of the universe, Keth. So many wonderous things, but you can't always hold onto them.

Oh don't be fucking poetic, Boz. You sound like a melodramatic pompous prick.

Eh, everyone's a critic. Alright, speaking of our beloved leader, when we come back, we're gonna have another Zek Vid Review! Join us then, won't you?

(Thunder Kiss 65 - White Zombie)

(South of Heaven - Slayer)

Welcome back everyone, we've got another one of Zek's little vid reviews coming up for you right now. This one should be fun given that our Shipmaster has gotten more than a little enamored with human military stories. I guess some of you Marines have rubbed off on him! Like I said, there's a little pirate in you and is seems a little soldier in us now. We're learning from each other! Isn't that great? Well anyway here's Zek.

I'm not big on the military, I don't think any of us are. I'm no soldier, but I can appreciate a certain KIND of soldier. One that actually has a bit of the pirate spirit in them. And there's quite a few of those in human vids. None more so than in something that is called "The Commando Raid" Subgenre. Stories of mercenaries or special forces soldiers who play by their own rules to do dirty deeds behind enemy lines and get shit done their way. Some of them aren't traditional, a few are criminals, and a good deal feel like they're similar enough to pirates at times. And that's no more true than in today's installment, a war picture that embodies the kig-yar more than anything! I present, "Kelly's Heroes!"

So there's this war going on apparently on the human home world. It's a long time ago, a lot of old tech. I'm told this is supposedly a big deal war too, I don't know human history so I'm going off what I'm hearing. That there was this country called Germany, it was pissed off about losing the last war it fought, it tried to take over the world a second time and failed big time. That's all the set up I need to understand the current situation in the movie. A bunch of Soldiers from the Allies, led by former lieutenant but now busted down to Private Kelly, decide to go AWOL from the army when they hear there's a bank full of Gold behind enemy lines. Hey, better to get paid after busting your ass trying to win some dumb war, right?

It's not an easy task of course, and requires a lot of moving parts to pull of the heist. Including a tank commander named Oddball who... frankly might be a bit out there. But hey, he's got good musical tastes in any case. So he's a bit like Boz! But there's a whole cast of colorful characters really.

They remind me a lot of ourselves honestly. Us Pirates of the Fallen Serpent with their annoyance at stifling commands and desire for freedom and fortune. I don't want to look egotistical here, but I do see a bit of myself in Kelly personally. Constantly berated by those who think they know better, who send him into danger for little reward while offering no credit, his rank and power stripped of him unfairly, all in an effort to break his spirit and turn him into an obedient little brown-nosing shit. Fuck that, Kelly and his buds are getting paid, pure and simple. And if they happen to help out the Allies to win the battle a bit on the way, then what's the harm?

There's a lot of great action in here, gunfights breaking out in little towns, tank battles, flying machines assaulting our heroes as they make a break for their intended goal. All while the regular military moves behind them, unknowingly exploiting their push to the town's bank. So you see, Kelly's "selfishness" is actually helping the Allies win. Maybe if the Army just let him do his thing, they'd be already packing up to go home. You never know.

That's what makes this movie stand out among the many war films I've watched. Most of them are all about parroting this idea of honor and the glory of battle, of fighting some great evil or whatever. "Kelly's Heroes" is more honest, war is bullshit. Always has been and always will be. If you're gonna fight, fight for something that makes sense to you. Fight for yourself before some lame ass fucking military officer who will NEVER appreciate what you do for him. Let alone a bunch of faceless people somewhere back home who will never know your name anyway because someone else will get the credit for your blood, sweat and tears.

Kelly's a true pirate in soldier fatigues. A man who sees a fortune waiting for him and his friends and puts all his cunning and tenacity to acquire it for himself. Humans act like Greed is bad, a sin. But Kelly's actions show that greed is a sensible reaction. If not virtuous, as again, Kelly's AWOL Heist allows the army to take the town they're after so much easier.

Not to knock the Marines and other humans no doubt listening to this, furrowing their brows at what I imagine is a sacrilegeous statement in their minds. Forsaking duty and honor for riches and personal satisfaction. But hey, like keep saying, if you just let a person go after what they want, you get better results that forcing them to act. Give them a goal that's tangible and material and they'll always fight better. That is the nature of business, of commerce and contract. I don't understand personally how a species that once put so much stock in Capitalism can so outright forsake it now. Kelly is proof you can be both a pirate AND a soldier, is he not?

I don't want to spoil the ending, cause I encourage everyone to see this action-packed thrill ride. Let's just say that Kelly gets in a spot, but finds a resolution that benefits more than just himself and is probably a lesson we could all stand to learn. Again, no spoilers, but money ultimately solves everything. Especially gold, gold really solves everything. So see Kelly's Heroes, friends. You seriously won't forget it.

Well, that was Zek with his review of the vid, Kelly's Heroes. Something for us all to check out I guess. Now then let's have another musical break before we get our next testimonial. This one should really be interesting.

Ahoy mateys, there be rocking squalls ahead! You're listening to BBR, Buzzard Buccaneer Radio! Don't trim them sails, we have some heavy shanties coming up off the starboard bow!

(Call of the Waves - Alestorm)

(Delivering the Goods - Judas Priest)

Alright everyone, we got a special treat for you all. We have a Spartan on the line! That's right, one of the human super soldiers themselves! Spartan-104, otherwise known as Fred! Hello Fred.

Yeah, uh, hi. Look, I'm just calling because Chief says he thinks we need to clear some things up and... Kelly is not a people person. Also Kat doesn't want to be involved in with the others... yeah, I drew the short straw in the end.

Come on, what do you Spartans got against the show? I mean, we got good tunes, we play up how awesome you are-

It's nothing personal, we just don't usually talk publicly about this. But Chief thinks its important we clarify some stuff given what happened and... yeah, we need to talk about it before rumors get out of hand.

Does this concern the Banished you fought in the slave pits?

Ex-Banished, as I am aware. They broke away from the main group to try and make it on their own. I guess that did not turn out so well for them in the end, huh? But yes, they were there and they were making a major mess of things.

Well I guess that's good to hear. Some people are worried we've just pissed off the Banished and gotten on their radar.

They're that bad that the idea of being targeted by them raises concerns?

Very much so. I mean, everyone has heard stories of the Banished. How one super crazy as fuck Jiralhanae got it in his head "Hey, you know what? This religion is stupid! I'm gonna kill all the Covenant in charge of me and start my own cult of personality!" I mean, he's probably not the first big time warlord to break off from the Covenant, but he's the one that actually made it work. I think Atriox is honestly half the reason humanity hasn't been totally steamrolled by now.

I guess we owe him some thanks for that.

Don't bother, it's entirely incidental. He probably doesn't even give a shit about you right now cause you're not in his way... yet. Although he might be grateful you killed his traitors for him... or pissed at you for taking the joy of executing them himself away from him. Either or, can't always tell with Jiralhanae really.

Wonderful to know.

So, it wasn't Banished Mercs, but Ex-Banished Mercs... but there was a Sangheili among them, right?

That is true, she's why they had gone AWOL from their organization. The kidnapped her from her home, apparently a big time Elite Warlord. Big and important enough apparently to be worth ransoming her off for a huge payday. They came to Snarlbeak to be the middleman in that arrangement. Although according to what Retz shook out of his former friend, that was just so he could use her in the end for his own purposes to get said Warlord in his pocket.

Because of course he would do just that. Bird is obsessed with revenge on the Sangheili. I imagine the captured female was... not entirely happy to see you despite her predicament.

No, she was not. I've never seen a female Elite before today, I was kinda shocked that we ended up meeting one at all here. I don't know exactly what I was expecting, but I assumed that their women were more homemakers or whatever because they've never been in the field.

The Covenant's notorious sexism has few exceptions, but the Sangheili aren't so strictly bound by the same practices. Or at least they weren't always before they became the bitch boys of the Prophets. Female Sangheili are just as capable of becoming warriors within their society as males. But they've been relegated to staying at home and acting in defense of their clans and houses, both politically and militarily. It's a bit of a shame honestly, even some Kig-yar females can become shipmasters in the Covenant. Sangheili females not so much. It's kinda sad.

Why are kig-yar so matriarchal? I mean, Zek runs your ship, he's a guy. How come Jackal Ladies are at the top of your totem pole despite... everything?

Females have generally greater organizational skills. While males can and often advance, we're uh... we're a little bit more action oriented than the women. My mother is the reason I came out so well personally. Frankly, they're better at guiding us than most, instilling in us how to lead. It helps us foster a better understanding of how to act on our own without them. But mostly it's just how iit works overall I guess. Women know more readily how to lead among the kig-yar.

It's still weird for you, given... everything.

We're a surprising people, but back to the female sangheili.

Yeah, well it took a bit, but we DID convince her to help us so we could help her. I don't know how she managed to tap down her... well, aristocratic personality is the polite way of saying it-

You can just say Bitch, no one cares.

Regardless she had a high-opinion of herself and not for much else. Somehow she managed to rally the other Covie slaves and used them to help us break the enemy defenses. They really went to town on the enemy Jackals in that pit. I can't really blame them, given how they looked I doubted their former masters were the kindly sort. I didn't really do much to stop them killing the pit's defenders, didn't seem like my place. I doubt the female Elite, uh Kesa, would've appreciated us interfering with her army's revenge.

Eh, a few less of Snarlbeak's people he'll send after us in the future I say. No great loss.

Anyway, she kept helping out after that to breach the high-level security lockup within the pit. That was where we found the human slaves. I was breaching one of the prison compounds with the other Spartans. Chief was following Kesa primarily towards the main cellblock tower. He found more humans there... and the Brute Mercenary leader. Kesa was eager to kill him.

I gotta be honestly, I'm sorta glad I wasn't there. I did not like the prospect of being between them. A Brute is dangerous enough on its own. Throw in an Elite whose arrogance is warranted because she's just that skilled, well... I'm kinda glad the worst our group had was some scattered remaining Jackal guards and some of the lower ranked Brutes that were left. I don't think they had as many steroids pumping through them.

So Chief didn't help her out at all?

At first, no. She didn't even want the help. Said it wouldn't be honorable to get her revenge with the demons backing her up.

Ah right, forgot, Sangheili. They be like that.

Exactly, but the others did get around her stipulation. They told me this after the fact, but I'm relaying it to you as they explained it. See, the Chief realized the Brute Leader was hellbent on keeping the humans inside his little prison locked up. So, we kept going after and eventually held the line near the main control console. Bastard was split between his little duel and fulfilling his contract, it gave Kesa the opportunity she needed to end him.

Oh you hit him right where every pirate and merc hurts the most, his contractual obligations!

Wouldn't his bank account be the real weak spot here?

A mercenary is nothing without their reputation for getting the job done. Same with pirates. Good move, Spartan.

Again, I was fighting on the other side of the compound. It was the Master Chief's idea really.

I have to know while I have you... what is the Master Chief really like? We've all heard the stories, the legends-

It's all true if that's what you're getting at. The Master Chief is the best human soldier alive, period. The only one that comes close in my mind is Commander Shepard. I've served with the Chief for years. I've known him longer than most people. I trust him with my life, I doubt any Spartan would say differently. Most people would've looked at this Slave Rescue operation as suicidal at worst, hazardous at best. But the Master Chief knew what we were capable of, knew how to react to changing situations and cut a deal with a supposed enemy to achieve greater results than expected. We didn't just free human lives today, but so many more.

But Spartans were made to fight aliens and defend humanity, how does it feel to have rescued a bunch of Covenant civilians who will probably go back to cursing your name once they reach safety?

If that's how they feel, that's too bad, but I know what we did here today. What all of us did. We saved lives, including alien and I'm not too troubled by that at all. When we fight the Covenant, we don't do it because we hate their species. Our war is about defending humanity, not wiping out another race. That's what separates us from the Covenant.

Do you think all humans share that sentiment?

Admittedly, probably not and I'm not going to try and convince them otherwise. I'll leave that up to people who are more diplomat than soldier. But I can tell you this, we hold true to that mission, to defend humanity. I think that also means changing the minds of what our enemies think of us. And, after all, you're helping us out. Maybe not for the purest of reasons, but you are on our side. Maybe that's a start.

Eh, I'm not one to speak for all of my people either, 104. I'm just the disc jockey, the morale officer. I try to mediate more than dictate. I wouldn't even know where to begin on the latter front.

I don't expect you to, but I think it's notable that we all banded together today to see a really difficult job done. And thanks to that, we might be able to stop an impending invasion of Earth and prevent the Covenant from acquiring a dangerous artifact. I can't really complain about the results of this alliance when taking that into account.

I guess not, 104. Let's just hope that once we get this final relic AND deal with your invasion problem, we can sort out what exactly this alliance entails in full. For the benefit of everybody.

Me too, Boz. Me too.

Okay, we're gonna take another station break, have some more tunes on me. Just don't go anywhere, okay? We got lots more coming up on today's programming. Then again, what would you turn the dial to, right? Heh, heh.

(Soldier On! - Megadeth)

Professor Solus' Note:Cohesion between disparate groups continues solidification. UNSC Marines exhibit conciliatory behavior with Jackals. Commonality becoming more readily apparent. Forced reliance on each other creating bonds. Surprising improvement among Batarians. Willing to participate in rescue of slaves. Acknowledgement of fight with Covenant beyond own interests. Fascinating to see. Did not expect at this stage. Varvok's changing attitude likely candidate.

Tensions remain. Could be... problematic. Clear cultural perceptions difficult to bypass. Anarcho-Capitalist beliefs clashing with Military Regimentation. Pirates still reluctant to believe in alliance beyond personal profit. Obviously difficult hurdle. Batarians accept goals align with ours. However, loyalty to Jackals self-evident. Trust them more. Strange to see, but reasonable. Jackals and Batarians allies longer. More comfortable with them. Still processing needing to save humans.

Greatest obstacle to true practical alliance Zek. Clear he is not interested. Only still here for relic hunt. Vid Review clear attempt to justify position. Killing Razorfins attempt at raising status in group. Assertion of dominance. Obvious primal social behavior. No stake in greater conflict. Personal profit and affirmation more important.

Other Jackals no doubt feel similar. What to be gained from war? What profit in saving humans? What point in risking lives? No greater connection to UNSC goals. No desire to create them. Bond only exists out of familiarity, personal connection. Substantive opinion: General affection not enough to foster greater relations. Like us more than Covenant. Same war. Different side. Don't see any other differences. Relying on friendship alone... inadequate.

Boz most open. Clearly desires greater connection. Feels affinity for listeners. Genuinely enjoys conversing with them. Sharing problems. Cultural exchange. Highly social behavior. Possibly personality trait. Covets interaction. Wants affection and adoration. Likes attention. Not selfish though. Shared notes with Yeoman Kelly Chambers. Conclusion: Genuine desire to be friends with listeners. Mostly likely result of personal issues as child. Cannot determine with certainty. Need more data.

High hopes remain. Unsure of outcome. Progress though. Hope it continues.

Professor Solus' analysis is appreciated and at this point invaluable. I agree with many of his conclusions, but I'm not as hopeful as he wants to be. The Batarians show promise, but Varvok's commitment to freeing his people from the Covenant was always going to tie us to his cause in some small way. Even if his loyalties remained divided. But at least Varvok has loyalty, his men have loyalty. They understand duty beyond themselves. In a way the Jackals do possess loyalty. But not anyone outside themselves.

Zek is the worst offender of this, period.

I'll be very blunt, I only recommended going along with this raid because the rewards outweighed the risks. The very fact I was close to agreeing with Retz, of all people, about rejecting this plan, shows how obvious the dangers were. And they were soon revealed. It was only through Retz's warnings that we were able to be better prepared for them to the degree we were. Zek was all for the raid before he even knew all the specifics. He wanted a chance to sock Snarlbeak in the eye. His obvious desire to get even and beat his father's old friend self-evident and it is clouding his judgment as much as anything else.

I don't do this often, but since it is so relevant and the Professor brought it up, let's look carefully at the Vid Review for today. "Kelly's Heroes" was filmed in an era when War movies were on a steady decline among the American viewing public. The reason was obvious, the growing unpopularity of America's involvement in the War in Vietnam. Therefore, "Kelly's Heroes" was a response to those sorts of war movies that had been labelled as propaganda for the war effort. By chastising the US Military and its war doctrine directly. But they didn't set it in Vietnam to avoid appearing like they were undermining the current war effort. They set it in World War Two, a wholly different conflict.

I can't blame Zek for not knowing Human History, but even he should've been able to understand the reality of the conflict from just a cursory glance. I doubt he didn't see at least some sort of reference to the Holocaust. The Nazis were one of the greatest evil humanity produced and were rightly fought against and destroyed. Their similarities to Covenant Dogma should be self-evident to anyone who cares to look at them. Except Zek it seems. Who either doesn't know or doesn't care where that Nazi Gold came from. I'll remind you for the benefit of the record, it was stolen from those the Reich deemed as... sub-human. Sometimes their belongings... sometimes directly from their mouths.

"Kelly's Heroes" is the story of a selfish American Soldier and his fellows who decide the raw deal their officers had given them offers them license to shirk their duty for their own personal gain. Worst of all is they make deal with the enemy to preserve a portion of their loot with the Nazi soldiers who have them in a stalemate. Allowing them to escape with half of the Gold they butchered people to acquire. And here is Zek, lauding Kelly as a pure hero, specifically in reference to himself. The message is clear, just let me do my thing and I'll help you in my own way. I don't particularly like the implication of him admiring Kelly's willingness to compromise with evil for personal gain.

I don't say any of this because I have a personal gripe against some ancient vid. "Kelly's Heroes" is a product of its time, where the implications of its statements were not fully considered. They wanted to make a subversive war movie in slight opposition to the current war. Not understanding the full weight of what they were doing while making their little heist movie. But that's how Zek saw it and that's my problem with him. The Raid was a Heist to him, no different than "Kelly's Heroes" and that makes the issue clear. We cannot trust Zek. We probably never can. He's only with us for himself. He'll leave when it no longer benefits him.

Before that happens, we need to take precautions. Or at least remind the good shipmaster that for now he is a part of this alliance and he will respect that. I think it is time to take some advanced measures, now, before we reach the next relic.

Regards,

Lieutenant Elias Haverson

Office of Naval Intelligence