Seokju knew that he had crossed the line. He had crossed that unspoken line with a running start, with a fucking pogo stick almost.

Though it didn't set in until it was the next morning after he had calmed down enough to go to sleep. When he was sitting on the edge of his bed, his head cradled in his hands as he thought about the previous night.

He fucked up.

He truly, and utterly fucked up .

Ijin trusted him, not only did Seokju know that Ijin trusted him, Ijin told him that he trusted him. Ijin trusted him to not hurt him. And then Seokju did exactly that. He just had to go and throw it back in his face. And for what? To lash out?

Ijin didn't have to say that his comment hurt, he didn't have to verbalize how his comment made him feel. Seokju saw the way Ijin reacted. He saw the way Ijin looked at him in betrayal, and he saw the way all of the walls that Seokju had slowly brought down slammed back into place.

God, that was the first time Ijin had told him something about his past willingly. It wasn't like the time Ijin had been forced to tell them that he used to be a mercenary like the time when they had gotten kidnapped, nor was it the time they were up on the rooftop and Seokju had pressured Ijin into telling him the truth. Ijin had told him that willingly. In confidence.

And he used it against him. He used it against him!

There was no other way to say it, he fucked up beyond belief.

Sitting on the edge of his bed, Seokju ran his hand through his hair, his leg bouncing on the floor.

How was he supposed to make it better? Ijin was kind but he was not a pushover. Ijin was anything but a pushover and Seokju already knew that it was going to take something more than words to repair the damage.

Could he even fix it?

He nearly jumped at the voice, "Seokju," Nam-gil was emotionless as always as he stood at the doorway to Seokju's bedroom, "You're going to be late." Right. He could still see Ijin at school, he had no idea what he was going to say but he could apologize then. Seokju knew that he needed to apologize. Ijin had crossed a line with the comment about his grandfather but Seokju had crossed a line just as bad, if not worse.

He needed to apologize.

"Right," Seokju grabbed his bag and rushed towards the door. Nam-gil was right, he was going to be late and Seokju didn't want to apologize to Ijin in between classes. "Thanks." No. he was going to need the time to apologize properly, it wasn't something he could do in a few minutes.

"Seokju," Nam-gil said as the teenager passed by, causing the young man to pause. Seokju tried to read the butler's expression, but just as he had been since Seokju was a child, the man was stern, expressionless, and intimidating almost. "Your parents have moved your curfew to ten due to what happened yesterday with your teammate." Okay, that sounded about right. He should have figured that his grandfather would have told his parents and he wasn't surprised about it.

Seokju didn't have time to mull over his new curfew for long, it was to be expected and he had bigger things to worry about. "Okay. I'll be back before then." And with a single nod of approval from the man, Seokju was off, rushing to the door so he could make it to Yeona's house before he made both of them late. He was going to be pushing it, but if he drove a bit faster than usual, then they would make it.

His stomach twisted when he remembered what he told Ijin, when he remembered the look Ijin gave him. Seokju had seen Ijin make many faces, from faces of indifference and annoyance to faces of joy and content, Seokju had learned how to read his friend accurately.

Ijin looked betrayed.

It was the most vulnerable Seokju had ever seen Ijin, the way Ijin's eyes widened as he recoiled ever so slightly, the way Ijin's shoulders dropped slightly. Then he saw the way Ijin recovered. The way Ijin's entire body tensed up, the way his friend gritted his jaw, the way Ijin almost glared at him hatefully before Ijin cursed at him.

It was the first time Ijin had cursed at him in such a hateful way.

And he deserved it.

He deserved it.

"Seokju!" He nearly slammed on the brakes, jolting him and the entire car to a stop. He could see the driver of the car in front looking at him through the side mirror, he had been mere inches away from rear-ending them. "Are you okay?" Yeona asked as she poked her head into the front seat, her tone one of worry, "You barely said hi when I got in." He didn't even notice that he had picked her up. His autopilot had truly taken over while he had been worrying about what to say.

He lied through his teeth, "I'm fine." He adamantly did not look at her. Yeona would know within seconds that something was wrong and while they were friends, talking about his fuck up was the last thing he wanted to do.

She still knew that something was wrong.

She huffed loud enough for him to hear, a subtle sign that she didn't believe him for a single second. Curse them being childhood friends, she always knew when something was wrong.

Seokju pulled into the parking space and got out before she could start prodding and coaxing the answer out of him. He just needed to apologize and then hopefully everything would sort itself out. He just needed to make sure that it was a good apology that showed how much he regretted being such a dick head.

He didn't even get the chance to fix it even if he wanted to.

They had just walked into the classroom when Seokju got his first chance to apologize. Ijin was right there at his and Yeongchan's desk, standing as the others stood by him. The moment Yeona announced their presence with her usual greeting was the moment Ijin glanced over at them, at him.

Ijin had an empty look, apathetic almost as they made eye contact, but when he looked down at Yeona, his gaze softened to his usual, welcoming presence.

It felt like someone had a vice grip on his throat, but Seokju knew that he had to try. He had to.

His mouth was dry and if Seokju had been a lesser person, he probably would have tried to back out of it. But he couldn't. He fucked up and he needed to fix his mistake. "Ijin, can I talk to you-" he cut himself off.

Ijin's eyes were cold, and hateful, and never had Seokju felt smaller.

He couldn't help but flinch away from the pure, loathing glare that Ijin gave him, it felt like Ijin was staring at him at his very core and was cursing him to the worst fate at the same time.

"Go fuck yourself." His voice was calm but somehow that only made it hurt so much more.

Ijin strode past him, leaving the five of them behind as the others flicked their eyes between Seokju and their departing friend. It was like their eyes were boring into Seokju with the way they were staring at him in particular.

Seokju felt like the scum of the earth and all he could do was cradle his head as he let out a sigh. He got that he deserved it but fuck that hurt.

"Bro…" Jaehyung breathed out and Seokju couldn't bring himself to look up, to look at any of them, "what the fuck was that? What happened?"

He still didn't look at any of them. "I've never seen him like that." Hyeokjin commented, and Seokju didn't have to look to know that all of them were waiting for an answer, an explanation.

"Did something happen? You guys were just fine yesterday…" Yeongchan trailed off and the following silence was obviously their prompt for him to speak.

Seokju didn't want to say what he told Ijin. It was shameful, he was shameful for acting like that, for using Ijin's past against him like that.

The silence was still lingering and heaving out a sigh, Seokju ran his hand through his hair as he slowly admitted, "I…I told him something really fucked up. Really fucked up." He looked at them as he said that and multiple pairs of eyebrows went up as they heard that.

They were all curious, their prolonged silence was another attempt to prompt him into speaking, into telling them what exactly he had said.

He stayed silent that time around.

What he told Ijin was a true breach of trust and repeating what he said would go against his conscience.

It was shameful, he had been so willing to use Ijins past against him but right then and there, with their friends waiting for an explanation, he wanted to keep Ijins past hidden from them as some type of courtesy. As if that mere courtesy would be enough to repair their friendship. As if Seokju hadn't been the first one to use Ijin's past against him.

Hyeokjin was the first one to break the silence with a sigh that puffed out his cheeks. "Well. Obviously, he's still pissed. Good luck bro. I thought he was going to kill you for a second." Everyone agreed with Hyeokjin, and although they were trying to give Seokju words of encouragement, it did nothing to help.

It was clear that Ijin was more than pissed. If Ijin wasn't avoiding him, then Ijin was just straight-up ignoring him. More than once, the moment Ijin saw him walking down the hall toward him, he would blatantly go the other way. It stung, but Seokju had to admit that he deserved that and more.

But Seokju did have to admit that it hurt when he found out that Ijin had called out of training suddenly.

Seokju knew that it was because of him. Jaehyung texted him to hurry up and finish training because they were all gaming at his place.

"Seokju," Kyong called out to him as they got dressed after training, "Do you know why Ijin called out of training?" It was an innocent question. It was an innocent question that had him regretting his lack of self-control.

He knew why Ijin had called out. "No, sir." Ijin called out because he was a terrible friend. An idiot that didn't know how to hold his tongue because of the emotions his parents had long taught him to control.

To make matters worse, Seokju couldn't try at the gaming room either, it was already time for him to go home or he was going to be in hot water with both his friend and his parents.

The only bright side was that after another day of being ignored and brushed off, Ijin was at training the next day, as if nothing had happened. If it wasn't for the fact that Seokju knew what happened, even he would have thought that Ijin was acting normally.

Unfortunately, when it was their turn to spar, the spar just confirmed that Ijin was nowhere close to forgiving him.

Ijin had made a point out of finishing the spar as fast as possible.

Usually, when they sparred, they had good spars that could go for a decent amount of time. Ijin was better at fighting overall, but so Seokju could improve, Ijin held back just enough so the fight wouldn't be too short.

Ijin did not hold back that time.

Seokju's knees hit the mat and he let out a strangled gasp, his lungs ached at the way Ijin's fist had knocked all of the air out of his lungs. Ijin had not held back in the slightest, leaving Seokju coughing and gasping for air as he struggled to get his lungs to function again. Each desperate inhale for breath only caused another coughing fit.

There was the sound of footsteps and a hand resting on his back "Ijin!" Kyong scolded as he tried to help Seokju through his coughing fit, his hand tapping his back in an effort to help, "This is training! You're here to practice!" Ijin didn't say anything and Seokju didn't know if the tears were reflex tears or if it was from the hurt he felt when Seokju realized that Ijin had reduced him to a coughing mess on purpose.

Kyong made a disgruntled noise and just as he was about to start scolding Ijin again, Seokju shakily cut it, "It-it's okay," He wheezed out, patting the hand that was on his shoulder, "I wasn't paying attention. It's my fault." If a physical beating was what it took for Ijin to be willing to talk again, then Seokju was willing to take it.

He deserved it either way.

It was ironic, Seokju had been the one to infer that Ijin hadn't been punished enough to fix his attitude, but it was obvious that Seokju was the one who needed the attitude fixing. Maybe then he wouldn't have said something so stupid and cruel.

Most of the time, Ijin would have helped him up and given him some tips on ways to improve. Without a single ounce of hesitation, Ijin moved onto the next mat where his next sparring partner was waiting for him. Although he tried to push through the pain and get back to his feet, Seokju wobbled precariously at the top, prompting Kyong to steady the young man.

Ijin was definitely still upset.

Kyong gave Seokju a look, curious about what just happened between the two of them.

Seokju decidedly ignored it.

He stayed away from Ijin for the rest of the training. Hoping that if he gave his friend some space, Ijin would be willing to at least hear him out, or at the very least, look at him.

Seokju sighed as he leaned against the wall, waiting for Ijin to get out of the locker room. The anxiety was starting to get to him, the nail on his thumb had already been grounded down to the nail bed and it looked like the rest of his nails were going to share the same fate.

He fucked up. Seokju knew that he fucked up. He knew that what he had said was cruel, insensitive, dickish, any negative descriptor would fit what Seokju had told his best friend.

He got that he shouldn't complain about a situation that he caused himself but fuck . All he was asking for was a single chance to apologize. And with the cold shoulder, along with his new curfews, it was like he didn't have a single opportunity to do so.

Seokju was desperate for a chance to apologize, so when Ijin walked out of the locker room, not even sparing Seokju a glance, he leaped to his feet. "Ijin! Wait hang-" Seokju grabbed Ijin's wrist, trying to keep his friend from walking off.

Ijin's hand clamped down on his own wrist and practically flung it off him but Seokju still tried. He was trying to apologize and Ijin wasn't cooperating and he just kept pushing Seokju away, not giving him a chance to speak.

Seokju's reached out for him again, "You can't-"

That time, Seokju cut himself off, a grunt escaping him as Ijin grabbed his wrist. "I can't?" Ijin's voice was cold and measured and his grip was tight around Seokju's wrist. "Well, you said it yourself, I grew up not knowing etiquette." Ijin glared at him, cementing the fact that Seokju was the scum of the earth using Ijins past against him. "I don't want to hear it." and with that, Ijin let go of him.

For a few seconds, all they did was stare at each other, but after a sigh, Ijin left, leaving Seokju high and dry as he walked away. All he could do was stare at Ijin as he walked away, the hand that wasn't holding onto his backpack was balled into a fist.

It hurt to hear Ijin using his words against him, it only proved that his words hurt Ijin enough for him to latch onto it like that.

Seokju really was a terrible friend.

"What happened?" The sudden voice nearly made Seokju jump out of his skin. When he turned to look, he was greeted with the sight of Yeona, a concerned look on her face. "You two were just chasing each other like idiots a few days ago. What happened?"

Shame burned in his stomach again and Seokju found himself looking at the floor.

He didn't know what to say. What he said was so unbelievably wrong. If he felt ashamed by just thinking about what he said, he couldn't imagine how it felt to be on the receiving end.

Yeona, like always, noticed his mood and she gently repeated her question, trying to find out what had happened between him and Ijin that had caused a rift overnight.

"I…" he went over his words from the previous night and grimaced, "I really fucked up." His voice was meek, and if it wasn't for the fact that Yeona had been leaning forward to hear better, she never would have heard it. "I really fucked up."

Well, she knew that Seokju had said the same thing at school the day prior, but that still didn't answer her question, "What happened?" she repeated. Yeona was curious, because the last time she checked, Ijin was exceedingly difficult to upset. He was just one of those people who was difficult to anger. It was easier to make him laugh than make him angry.

Seokju's hesitation just told her that whatever he said, had been truly hurtful.

Seokju looked like he wanted the earth to swallow him whole, "I… well…"

"I wouldn't be asking if I didn't care, Seokju." Yeona's voice was gentle, but it did nothing to help Seokju feel better. "Just tell me." She couldn't help if she didn't know what happened.

The teenager looked like a fish for a few seconds, his mouth opening and closing as he faltered over and over again before he got to the point. "well…after I covered your eyes, Ijin caught up to me and tackled me." Yeona raised her eyebrow, but Seokju was quick to add, "I didn't get hurt but he did it right in front of the CEO and my grandfather."

Yeona cringed at that, and it felt good knowing that he wasn't the only one that reacted like that. "Oh…" that sounded bad, but Yeona had yet to hear the part that made everything worse.

Seokju nodded his head. "The CEO didn't get mad at us, he thought it was funny but my grandfather lectured me, and he made me apologize to Ijin."

Ok, that didn't sound so bad. "And how did that go?" Apologies were always a good place to start, and as long as they were done properly, they were a good thing.

But yet, the expression on Seokju's face told her otherwise.

"Ijin got upset that my grandfather made me apologize and well things led to another and well…" Seokju trailed off, and he could feel his face heating up as the memories of his fuck up came back full force.

"What happened?" Seokju wished he could be as calm as Yeona at the moment. He really wished that he could have that calm demeanor because, at the moment, he was anything but calm.

His stomach kept on twisting and turning, the shame of admitting what he said made him want to curl up into a ball and hide his face. "I…shouldn't say. You know Ijin, he's private about his childhood." Understandably so, it wasn't a pleasant childhood and after what he did, it was the right choice. "I messed up so bad. I really fucked up. I don't know what to do." He was running his hand through his hair, trying to self-soothe as the weight of his mistake made itself known.

What kind of friend was he? He had no excuse; he couldn't try to excuse himself that he was upset because how was making Ijin upset supposed to solve that? Ijin had trusted him with that piece of information and in his irrationality, he thought it would be appropriate to use that same information against him.

Why would he ever do that? Why would he ever do that to his friend who had never tried to hurt him like that?

Yeona set her hand on his shoulder, almost grounding him as she continued to coax the answer out of him. "Seokju, calm down. What did you say?"

His mouth was suddenly bone dry. "I used his past against him." He rasped out, earning a horrified look from her.

Seokju used his past against him.

And he would never forgive himself for doing that. For using Ijin's rare vulnerability against him.

Swallowing thickly, he wanted nothing more than for the earth to swallow him up as he elaborated, "He told me something and I used his past against him."

He just knew that he fucked up when Yeona was staring at him in horror. Yeona's mouth was hanging slightly open, and her eyes were blown wide as she breathed out, "Seokju…"

If he had thought that he had messed up, then Yeona's genuine reaction only confirmed it. "I know I know! I fucked up- I really fucked up." He put emphasis on the word because it felt like there was no other way he could say it. "But I don't know how to fix it. I… I don't think there's anything I can say that will make it better." And even if there was, there was no guarantee that Ijin would even accept his apology.

"Okay… okay." Yeona was rubbing the bridge of her brow as she let out a heavy sigh. Clearly, Yeona didn't know what to say either, and that revelation only made everything seem worse. "What did he say?"

"He told me fuck you and then went home."

Yeona looked surprised, "That's it?" With how Ijin had been acting, she would have thought that Ijin would have shown his anger in something more than two words.

"Yeah." And honestly, Seokju wished Ijin had done more. He wished Ijin hadn't reacted in such a muted way. At the time, he wanted Ijin to leave him alone but he never would have said that if he had thought twice about it. But leave it to him to be a stupid hothead that stabbed his best friend in the back.

She huffed out a sigh, "Alright. Obviously, he's still upset, try talking to him tomorrow." That didn't sound like a bad idea.

Maybe a day wasn't enough for Ijin to calm down. Maybe he needed some more time so he could be willing to have a conversation.

"Okay…" but he had a gut feeling that time wouldn't be enough, "what if he's still mad?" Seokju knew that he would be upset if someone had done that to him and it was obvious that Ijin was still upset a whole twenty-four hours later. And that was coming from Ijin, the guy who was apparently fine with CEO's taunting and making fun of him.

Yeona pondered over his question for a few seconds, but she was quick to wave it off. "Then you need to apologize either way. I don't think he'll be this mad for much longer, but nothing will be fixed if you don't try." That was another good point. He needed to do something if he wanted to try and fix it. "Besides, don't you guys have that trip coming up? Maybe you can do it then."

Seokju nearly smacked his head as he remembered that. "I can't go." His curfew was ten! Nine-thirty was when Seokju was officially off duty and was allowed to go back home! If he hadn't fooled around with Ijin like that, then his curfew would have been one A.M. like it had always been for the weekends. "My parents moved my curfew to ten after my grandfather told them what happened."

She didn't even hesitate. "It just so happens that I need you for an all-nighter that night. We'reeee-" Yeona dragged out as she thought of something, "-going to have a project due on Monday. Yeah, we're going to have a project due that Monday and I'm going to need your help."

He frowned. "We don't have any projects-" Yeona damn near glared daggers at him and at last, Seokju caught on, "right. Sorry. I forgot. Thank you." She just smiled at him.

Right.

He just had to give Ijin some space until it was time for the trip and then find a chance to apologize. All he had to do was apologize from the bottom of his heart, and then hope that Ijin would forgive him. It was nerve-wracking because he had no idea if Ijin would accept it, but he still needed to try.

He had to try.