AN: Hello dearests!

Yelp, I haven't received any comments informing me about any continuing issues with chapter availability, so I can only assume that means the issues are resolved? That or the whole story has completely self-destructed itself from the internet; therefore, you can't comment on the lack of availability because it isn't available to comment upon. Toss up at this point.

Also, here's another normal sized chapter. BOOM! I told you guys they existed!

Anyway, happy reading!

Disclaimer: Ally Carter owns Zach, Cammie, and the Gallagher Girl universe.


Cammie's POV

The storm was officially upon us twenty minutes later, complete with blinding flashes of lightning and deafening peals of thunder. However, everyone had made it safely inside. The whole herd was tucked away in the barns; my grandparents, the farm hands, and Zach were all downstairs discussing sleeping arrangements since the other house didn't have a basement to run to in case the tornado made an appearance; and I was drying off in my room. And yet, I was worlds away from feeling relief.

Friends with benefits. Friends with benefits. Friends with benefits.

The term played in my head on repeat until it lost meaning, but then I would whisper it out loud and it would come rushing back: people who engage in intimate activities, like kissing and cuddling and…more, without actually dating each other. If the movies were to be believed, it was a no-strings-attached arrangement. Did Zach and I not have strings? Had we not been tangled together since the moment he called me "Gallagher Girl" in front of my CoveOps teacher and a pair of ruby slippers?

I guess the more I thought about it, the more that kind of relationship made sense for a spy. Companionship when you're home, zero obligations when you're halfway across the world for who knows how long. The ideal arrangement for a good spy. And Zach was the best spy I knew.

A sick feeling churned in my stomach, and I groaned. I needed to talk to Zach. What he would say might break my heart, but at least then I'd know and I could stop worrying myself into physical illness.

I walked downstairs, hoping to catch Zach alone, but everyone, including Zach, was gathered in the kitchen.

"How did this happen?" my grandpa was asking, eyeing each ranch hand in turn.

Miles cast guilty eyes to the floor. "It was probably my fault. I was on the phone with Kelsey until it started raining in earnest. I thought I was paying enough attention, but it's possible she slipped past me."

Grandpa Morgan never yelled. Growing up, he'd always tell me, "Yelling is for goats and the inarticulate." The only time he ever raised his voice was to call for the cows. But it would be foolish to assume that this meant Grandpa didn't get angry.

With a calm, yet pointed, voice, Grandpa said, "And this is why I tell you boys not to make personal calls while herding."

Miles nodded, looking miserable. He's been one of grandpa's ranch hands for almost a decade; I knew he hated to disappoint him. "I'm sorry, Virgil. I'll go find her."

He turned to leave, but grandpa placed a hand on his arm. "Not in that storm, you're not. There's nothing to be done for it now."

"One of the cows didn't make it in?" I asked, stepping out of the doorway and into the kitchen-proper.

Grandpa shook his head. "Five-three-eight is still out there."

I pressed my lips. Maybe it was silly to worry about a cow when I should just be grateful that all the people I loved were safe, but five-three-eight was pregnant with her first calf. Even if the storm did her no harm, the stress could result in a miscarriage.

"Maybe we should go after her," I said. "The baby…"

Grandpa held up a hand. It had the same effect as a banging gavel declaring a final sentence. "I'd rather lose a calf than a person. No one will be going out in that mess. Am I understood?"

The kitchen filled with a chorus of "Yes, sirs", and Grandpa finally sighed. "Good. Now, while there's still power, I'm going to watch Jeopardy. Y'all are welcome to join me or go to your separate beds."

He said the last part with a pointed look in Zach's direction. Then he left the room, and all of the farmhands except Ryden followed after him. Grandma lingered long enough to tell me, "Everything's going to be okay, my baby," and give me a kiss on the cheek, then she was gone too.

In the resulting quiet, filled only by storm sounds, I finally caught Zach's gaze and held it, trying to see past his everything is fine face and simultaneously convey my own everything is fine face. I was pretty sure Zach was doing the same thing, and the result was an awkwardness we'd never had with each other. I hated it. I needed to clear the air. We weren't quite as alone as I wanted to be, but I could fix that. It was now or never.

My stomach was a tangle of nerves and I had to wipe palms that hadn't been sweaty for a long time, but were very damp now, on my jeans. "Zach, can I–"

"Cammie, can I talk to you for a minute?" Ryden asked suddenly.

My eyes darted to his pleading face, and I bit back a frustrated groan. I wanted to yell that No! He couldn't talk to me for a minute! Not right then. Not when he knew how much I needed to talk to Zach.

But perhaps that was why he needed to talk to me right then. Maybe he hadn't finished what he was saying out on the trail. Maybe there was another option he hadn't mentioned. An option where Zach and I were completely and totally exclusive and together in a more-than-friends kind of way without being "boyfriend and girlfriend". Was that even a thing? Probably not. But I was willing to cling to mere threads of hope at this point.

"Um, sure, Ry," I said, but I instantly regretted it when Zach's face fell.

"Your grandma had me planting trees all afternoon. I need to change and wash up," Zach said, holding up his dirty forearms, hands, and fingernails as evidence.

"Okay, but…can we talk before you shower and go to bed?"

His brows and mouth twisted with an expression I couldn't decipher. Was that worry? Or hurt? I couldn't tell. In the next second the look was gone, and he was nodding, giving me about half of a reassuring smile, and leaving.

I sighed and rubbed my temples. Zach was upset with me. I didn't know why, but I could tell something was bothering him. Which, of course, just made me more anxious about our upcoming what-the-heck-are-we? talk.

Weren't vacations supposed to be stress relieving? How was it that this one was turning out to be more stressful than the week I'd spent undercover as a heavily pregnant gemologist in Bolivia when I most certainly wasn't pregnant, nor did I know much of anything about precious gems?

"Cammie?"

"Mmm."

"Cammie Cat?"

I took a deep, cleansing breath and finally looked up. "Yeah. Sorry, Ry. What's up?"

Sympathy was pouring off of him in waves, which I didn't take as a good sign. I guess there was no lucky door number three as far as Zach and I's relationship was concerned.

"I wanted to talk about what you told me earlier."

I'd expected as much, but my eyes still darted around the kitchen, looking for any potential eavesdroppers or hidden cameras—not that there would be any, but you know, habit.

He sidled closer and rested a hand on my shoulder. "You seemed upset by what I said."

"Well, yeah. You basically confirmed my fears and told me that Zach and I…we were…we are–" I choked down the rest of the words and took another deep breath. "It's fine. I asked for the truth, and you gave it to me. I can deal with the emotional fallout."

He gave my shoulder a squeeze. "But you don't have to do it alone."

I smiled up at him. "Thanks, Ry. I appreciate the–"

He suddenly pulled me in for a tight hug.

"–um, concern."

After a few seconds, when his arms still didn't loosen, I eased myself out of his grip. He took the hint, but didn't let me go far, resuming his previous hand-to-shoulder position.

"I just have one question, Cammie Cat. Why now?"

I looked past his shoulder, impatient now. I needed to talk to Zach about this. If he really just saw us as friends with benefits—really, really emotional and intimate and even a little classified friends with benefits—then I needed to know. "What do you mean?"

"You said you've known each other—liked each other—for years. So why are you worrying about these things, feeling these things now?"

I wasn't about to tell him that getting a short breather from car chases, undercover missions, disarming bombs, and busting drug cartels had finally made establishing Zach and I's relationship a priority. So, I gave him an answer that had served both young girls and young spies around the world well when in a tight spot.

"I don't know."

But it seemed Ryden wasn't looking for a real answer. He already had one of his own.

His thumb started brushing back and forth across my collarbone, and he leaned closer as he said, "Sure you do. I don't think it's a coincidence that you started having these doubts just as soon as I came back into your life. Do you?"

"Wait. What?" I took a step back, but he followed.

"Eleven years," he said, "We were sweet on each other for eleven years before Zach came along, and I think it's all coming back to you."

Okay, so I know I wasn't always the most boy-conscious in the past (I mean, you try worrying about how the boy next door looks at you when you're trying to retain fluency in fourteen different languages over the long break), but even so, as I stood there wracking my brain, I couldn't recall having a crush on Ryden for more than a summer or two when I was, like, ten. This conversation had certainly taken an unexpected, not to mention unwelcome, turn.

"Ry," I said slowly, carefully. Now it was my turn to look sympathetic. Rejections sucked whether you were the rejecter or the rejectee. "I appreciate your feelings. I do. And if you would've said something years ago, things might've been different. But…I don't feel that way about you."

He shook his head and grabbed my other shoulder, holding me as if he were going to shake sense into me. "The timing wasn't right back then, but it is now. We would be so good together."

I was starting to get annoyed. Was it "No" Means "Yes" Day or something? Honestly, it shouldn't be this difficult to turn someone down.

"I don't know what stars you were hoping would align, Ry, but Zach and I–"

"Are friends with benefits."

I ground my teeth together and had to remind myself of CoveOps rule #58. "Whether or not we're technically a couple doesn't matter. The answer would still be no. I may not have the title girlfriend, but I have girlfriend feelings for him, and that means something to me."

I really would have to look up if "No" Means "Yes" Day was a thing because instead of backing off and apologizing, Ryden relocated his hands to my waist and pulled me closer.

"Feelings change," he said.

I put my hands on his chest to push him away, and that's when I heard, "Well, I see why you needed me gone for this chat."

I whipped my head around. Zach was standing in the doorway.

I hastily pushed Ryden away, but the damage was already done. Betrayal shone from Zach's eyes. Betrayal and anger. If he hadn't been upset with me before, he certainly was now.

"What is this, Cammie?"

I knew I looked ridiculous, sputtering there like a fish out of water, but I didn't know what I could say that would both spare my friend's feelings and reassure Zach.

"I know this sounds cliché, but this totally isn't what it looks like."

"Then answer the question." He left the doorway and dropped his crossed arms, which made him look less angry, but it also made me panic a little. After all, you can't throw a punch with your arms tucked away.

Ryden took Zach's advance as some kind of cue to step forward himself. I wanted to yank him back but touching him in any capacity wouldn't help my case here.

"Take it easy, man," Ryden said.

Zach didn't even glance at him. "Cammie?"

"Zach–"

"Look dude, I admit I was shooting my shot," Ryden said, and I sighed, relieved, knowing he would explain the situation. "But I didn't think she was taken. I mean, she doesn't even think you're her boyfriend. She told me herself."

I gaped at Ryden. "What?!"

"Is that true?" Zach asked, still only looking at me. "After five years and everything we've been through?"

My heart was in my stomach, aching with betrayal at Ryden's words. He'd been my friend for so many years. But I'd have to deal with that later.

I shook my head and looked at Zach. "You have to believe me, I never said that. Or…"—my voice faded to a shamed mumble— "at least I didn't mean it like that."

"So you did say it?"

"Zach, please." I took a step forward and reached for his hand, but he pulled away from my touch. "Please let me explain."

His eyes finally flicked to Ryden, to the hands that had held me moments before. Then without a word he stormed out of the house.

I started to follow him, but Ryden caught hold of my wrist, and it took all of my mental energy to remember that Cammie Morgan the Farm Girl couldn't judo flip a boy twice her size. And it took all of my self-control not to just do it anyway.

"Cammie, wait," he said, pulling me back a step and making me face his pleading eyes. "I know you didn't exactly say that he wasn't your boyfriend—I'm sorry I said that—but you were definitely unsure about it. And you deserve to be with a guy who isn't going to make you question what you mean to him."

Under different circumstances, I would've agreed with him. Perhaps if me and Zach were a normal couple, with normal jobs…and only a moderate amount of knowledge about world government. Perhaps then I would've nodded and let Ryden pull me closer, away from Zach.

But I was me, and Zach was Zach. We might not have ever called each other "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" out loud, but it had been a long time since Zach had ever made me question how much I meant to him.

I felt so stupid. I wanted to smack my head on the kitchen table. But more than that, I wanted to find Zach.

I extracted my arm from Ryden's hold and watched as his face changed from hopeful to upset with a touch of resignation.

"You're right," I told him, "I do deserve to be with a guy like that. And that guy is out there wondering if he means enough to me."

I strode to the door, but turned back for a moment as my hand touched the knob.

"And Ryden," I said.

He looked up and that spark of hope jumped back into his eyes.

"Don't call me Cammie Cat. We aren't twelve anymore, and I can tell the name bothers Zach."

I didn't wait to see his reaction as I pushed open the door and stepped out into the storm.


AN: Thanks much for reading this chapter! Y'all deserve all the good things in life, like naps and discount codes and low gas prices! No pressure, but if you liked the chapter, leave an encouraging comment. If you hated the chapter, lay into me with a helpful critique. Really let me have it with all caps and everything. I can take it.

Have a great week, friends! Much love, Rachel