ATTENTION READERS.
FOR THIS SITE, EMAIL MAIL ALERTS ARE NOW ONLY ACTIVE IF EMAIL OPT-IN IS ENABLED IN ACCOUNT SETTINGS. Honestly been a bunch of FF issues of late . . .
WE ARE ALSO NOW PUTTING THIS STORY ONE ON AO3.
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Neither of us owns One Piece, we will let you decide after reading this if that is a good thing or not ;-)
This story (our pride and joy) is written by Rose7anne101 and Black' Victor Cachat and posted at both of our accounts!
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Beta read by the wonderful MasterQwertster, be sure to check out their own stories!
Inspired by Wolf Strife, and Rose7anne101's own "My Family Can Beat Up Your Family."
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Guest Reviews :-D
Guest (please choose a name/nickname next time)
LOL in the case of Luffy's mother —assuming Oda does not read our fic of course ;-D — I would say either it will be a critical plot detail, or irrelevant and a hilarious gag. The man could write either and both and be totally in character ;-) He delights in keeping us on our toes.
Here is the latest chapter, and I hope it was worth the wait! Looking forward to hearing your newest thoughts! :-D
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Guest (please choose a name/nickname next time)
LOL exactly for Dragon ;-)
Oh, we are only just starting with the chaos ;-)
Here is the latest chapter, and I hope it was worth the wait! Looking forward to hearing your newest thoughts! :-D
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BlonglikZombie
Sorry for the delay! Here you go! :-D I hope it was worth the wait! Looking forward to hearing your newest thoughts! :-D
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GalacticSaz
LOL I am sure Buggy appreciates their friendship… ;-D
Here is the latest chapter, and I hope it was worth the wait! Looking forward to hearing your newest thoughts! :-D
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Luffy's Mother is WHO!?
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Warning, contains spoilers for… pretty much every chapter associated with the canon wedding itself, and after. Do not read if you are not caught-up with the manga.
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THIS STORY NOW HAS A TVTROPES PAGE! :-D
MANY THANKS TO bf2234!
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Previously:
At Zou, the attacking Beast Pirates were routed, especially with the arrival of Sabo, Ace, and other members of the Whitebeard Pirates, who fill in the shocked, murderous, and just-shy-of-hysterical Straw Hats about everything. One of those Whitebeard Pirates, late getting up the massive elephant, was Izo, who once travelled the seas with his master, Kozuki Oden.
Meanwhile, upon learning of Luffy's capture, Princess Shirahoshi adopted the (paper-thin) alias of Roby to help save her dear friend.
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Still in his dragon form, Momonosuke's eyes were bugging out at the sight of Izo, yet he was stammering too hard to be understood. Indeed, the Whitebeard pirate mistook it for gibberish noises from Rebecca's 'pet,' and dismissed it.
At first glance the similarity to a dragon had been striking, yes, yet it was too weak and scrawny to be a threat. Besides, there was only ever a single dragon at a time, so any similarities were simply a coincidence.
"So this is Zou," Izo said, looking around in wonder. "Now I finally get to see what the dog and cat were always going on about."
"Do you mean our kings?" asked Pedro diffidently, hoping to convey the need for secrecy here. Because yes, they knew this man was of the Kozukui clan, but also it was not Pedro's right to make decisions when certain secrets were to be revealed, and he hoped to bring their rulers in on this.
Both Izo and Marco's eyes twitched slightly in surprise. Only before they could say anything, or figure it out—
"IZO!?"
The gunslinger gaped for a split second, before grinning wide at the sight of his old friends, brothers, and so much more. "Inuarashi! Nekomamushi! Kin'emon! Oh wow, Kin, you haven't aged a day! This something Lady Toki did?"
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.
"Wait, what!?" gasped Marco, breaking the stunned silence. "She was serious about that time travel—yoi!?"
"As if my Lady would ever lie!" huffed Izo.
"Arretat Island," Marco deadpanned.
"That was for the worthy cause of a prank against Lord Oden, and so doesn't count. Also, afterwards he was boasting about how she fooled him for weeks!"
"Well, that was more to explain why his hair was pink!" cackled Nekomamushi, shaking off his own shock. "IZOOOO!"
With that the Cat Mink pounced upon his old friend, with the rest of the Red Scabbards following suit.
"Ah! Gerroff! How'd you grow so big ya darn furball!?"
The samurai also hefted Izo up on their shoulders, and ran for the treeline without another word.
"Uhm, should we, y'know, do something about our crewmate getting kidnapped?" asked Ace awkwardly.
Coughing into his fist, Pedro said, "Our lieges will want to talk with him. In private."
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"IZZZZOO!" wailed Raizo, tears running down his face.
The crossdresser stared at the ninja chained to the Poneglyph, before pointing at him and turning to the others with a questioning look.
"He took exception to us being willing to die so he could live," huffed Inuarashi.
"Beg your pardon?"
With an over dramatic sigh, Nekomamushi explained. "We've been fighting for days to stop those Beast Pirates who were after him, even though we kept saying he wasn't here."
"Curious," mused Izo, scratching his chin. "Jack wouldn't have done that unless he was confident you were here. And how'd he locate Zou in the first place? Maybe there's someone left we can question."
The others nodded grimly. While as samurai there were lines they would not cross, they were not afraid to threaten and rough up some beaten pirates.
"Can we count on Whitebeard's help?" asked Nekomamushi, while he worked to undo the chains.
"Indeed," nodded Inuarashi, while he handled the cuffs. "We know they're already enemies, but we wish to be sure—"
"That's what I was implying, you—!" the Cat Mink cut himself off and looked away. They were still getting used to not fighting one another, so this was the best he could offer in apology.
"Yes," nodded Izo. His brows furrowed. "I'll assume you got Momonosuke out? Ah good," he smiled in relief at the pride on their faces. Oden and Toki's legacy was safe. Wait. "What about Hiyori!?"
"We . . . Lady Toki . . . they had to be separated. Kawamatsu took her. Nobody had heard anything of them, so he has kept them hidden and safe.
That was one interpretation of what could have happened, but Izo refused to let despair rule him. His friend would keep the sweet princess alive and happy. It was more hope than he had known a few minutes ago. The Kozuki clan was alive, and by his samurai soul Izo would do all he could for his people this time. "Good. Good."
"We need help though," confessed Nekomamushi. "Old Whitebeard up for one more fight together?"
"Yes. For his nephew he will," promised Izo. One way or another. No matter how much he loved his Pops and the Moby Dick, he would not allow them to stand on the sidelines this time, and he knew many others of the Division Commanders would support him in this. "Especially since Kaidou more or less joined forces with the marines two years ago, and took in a traitor of ours. Consider it both business and pleasure here, and your victory here in Zou means Wano is finally vulnerable enough for us to make our move."
An uneasy, sickening sensation started to make its way up the others' spines and clench their throats. Little clues coming together.
"Wait!" said Kin'emon, staring with wide-eyes. He whispered, "You knew. You knew Oden was dead, and Wano enslaved?"
In his shame, Izo dropped his gaze to the ground.
". . . Yes. It took years for us to learn, but yes."
"All this time, and you did nothing!?" raged Raizo. "Neko and Inu were preparing an army, but what did you do!? Did you even know of the prophecy like they did!?"
Honest confusion crossed the Whitebeard Commander's face in answer.
"How could you betray Oden's memory in favour of sailing with pirates!?" demanded Kin'emon. "We lost twenty years, but you never did anything at all! You should've returned to fight for your people! Your family!"
Something ugly snapped in the other man. "They were the only family I had left!" he spat. "Kikunojo and you lot were gone, and I would've died a pointless death trying on my own, and Pops didn't want to risk the bloodshed that would follow!"
"Yet you were ready to go to war when Fire Fist was captured by Kaidou!" growled Inuarashi in warning.
"Because Ace was still alive! Unlike Oden! Why is that—!?"
With a scream, Kin'emon threw himself at Izo's throat.
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"Luffy-senpai's about to get married!"
"Luffy-senpai's about to get married!
"Luffy-senpai's about to get married!
"Luffy-senpai's about to get—"
Nope. It still wasn't working.
Bartolomeo tried saying it outloud again. "Luffy-senpai was about to get married".
"Luffy-senpai—" the ex-mafia boss paused. He felt conflicted, and really, utterly confused.
But, he knew one thing: he would always support Luffy-senapi's decisions.
If Luffy-senpai wants to get married, then Bartolomeo would be there for this momentous occasion! He would etch it into his memory!
Because there was no way his idol had been captured. Clearly this was part of some cunning plan to infiltrate an Emperor's palace!
He would be… the best man!
Yes, it was his solemn duty to be Luffy's-senapi's best man, and make sure the wedding went without a hitch. Everything will be so very fabulous and wonderful as befitting of Luffy-senapi!
A wedding for a King, 'cause Luffy-senapi was the future Pirate King!
Wait for me, Luffy-senapi, I will make sure you have the wedding of all weddings!
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There was no skill or finesse as Kin'emon and Izo rolled across the ground, acting more like wild animals than samurai.
"ENOUGH!" roared Inuarashi, yanking them apart, and dangling them above the ground. "What would Kanjuro say if he saw us like this!? For the sake of our fallen brother, we can't fight amongst ourselves!"
"Wait, what?" asked Izo, the words breaking through his red haze.
"What happened!?" gasped Raizo. "I assumed he was distracting the others!"
"He—" and grief broke through Kin'emon's own fury, bringing up the pain which had infested his heart. "Kanjuro is dead. Kaidou's henchman, his last general, killed him."
"And it was all preventable," bemoaned Nekoamushi. "He let his emotions master him, and he became reckless. One of the pirates, Trafalgar Law, misread the situation, as he thought us strangers, and made the wrong call."
"No!" breathed Raizo.
For the first time, Izo's hands went to his guns in a white-knuckle grip. "You're . . . sure, we shouldn't take our revenge?"
Inhaling deeply, and letting it out, Kin'emon nodded, if with some regret. "Yes. Law's actions were not out of malice. Moreover, he's been a valued ally to us. Jack is the one who cut down our friend, our brother, and he is dead. That is all that matters."
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"You're here, I missed you, Captain!" Bepo rubbed Law's cheek with his, feeling relief and happiness. "All the members of the Heart Pirates are here!"
In lieu of praise for such a frankly noteworthy accomplishment, Law just patted his navigator and first mate on the back.
His crew burst out crying at the display of such open affection from him.
Unfortunately they did have an audience of various Minks and other pirates, meaning it was best not to get too sappy about it, so with a pointed glance around, he turned and headed off in the direction of the Straw Hats. He had missed the whole bit of 'enemy reinforcements,' and the subsequent discovery it was actually allies arriving, or at least the allies of his allies, but the rumour mill was in full swing already.
Truly Mister Straw Hat was incapable of existing without causing unnecessary chaos.
Even when he was not around!
Of course on the way he had to put up with his crew bemoaning how Mister Straw Hat was gaining even more publicity. Going on and on about how their beloved captain should have received more of the credit, and a higher bounty for that matter. As if Law cared.
Still, he had them hush up when a few bits of gossip he overheard implied some of the newcomers were rubber-brain's adoptive brothers. Best not to make a bad first impression with the Whitebeard Pirates when they were all supposed to be friendly with one another. Especially when he was more interested in getting an accurate picture of what was happening. Some of the things people were saying were quite ridiculous, and obviously exaggerated.
.
.
.
They were not exaggerated.
If anything they understated the mess they were now in.
Not that this was apparently a concern for the Straw Hat Pirates, as they intended to double down and dig themselves even deeper towards hell, all while dousing themselves with gasoline, as they were apparently planning a rescue mission which would put them at war with a second Emperor!
Even if they were getting some admittedly impressive assistance.
Overall, Law felt entirely justified as his frustration over the situation with Mister Straw Hat was laid out.
Literally in this case, as the Revolutionary Army's Chief-of-Staff (he had yet to get a satisfactory answer as to why he was here), had gotten bored of the recap, and was laying out various pieces of paper and pictures on the ground.
"What're you doing?" asked Fire Fist.
"Before I left, I took as much as possible of those comic strips. Given how uncannily similar they are to the real deal, I thought it was a good idea for research," Sabo muttered as he rearranged various comic pages spread out in front of him. He was clearly trying to put them in some kind of order, yet the pattern alluded Law.
"Research, huh?"
"Yeah, research. You have a problem with that, Ace?"
"Nope!" but the grin on his face got slightly bigger, as Sabo, the self proclaimed big brother, decided to ignore his annoying little brother antics, and refocused on his job. "I wonder about the technology they use for cloning."
"They actually explain this in the comics—yoi?"
"I don't—"
"Yes," cut in the Surgeon of Death. "Well, not in detail, but in one of earlier stories, Sora breaks into their evil laboratory and tries to find out about it, and destroys the whole process, including touching on what exactly cloning entails. They give descriptions of the . . . What?" Law demanded, when he saw all eyes staring at him in a weird way.
"Captain, you know a lot about this."
"Emm.. yeah, I used to read it as a kid." Law murmured, not liking all the attention.
"Oh, I found it.." Sabo said, waving an entire issue of the series. Then he examined it with a blank face, murmuring, "The laboratory is very detailed." Yet there was a gleam in his eyes as he announced, "It was published a year ago."
". . ."
". . ."
Everyone's gaze was on him, no one said anything. The pressure was suffocating.
"Okay, fine. I am . . ." Law choked on the last word. Damn them!
"A what?"
"I can't hear you!"
"Could you please repeat that?"
"A fan! I am a bloody fan! F. A. N. Got a problem with that?"
"Nope."
"Nahhh . . ."
"A Fan ehhhh?"
Law knew this was going to be a very long journey. He couldn't wait for it to be over!
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"Ah, Straw Hats!"
As one the group of pirates turned their attention upon the Mink, and for some reason he flinched back under their combined glare.
"Uh, hi," he weakly waved.
"Yes," said Robin, the picture of civility so long as you ignored the unholy glint in her eyes.
"Oh, Dr. Miyagi!" chirped Chopper, and there was genuine enthusiasm in his voice, in contrast to the I-have-to-laugh-or-start-killing aura he and the others had been sharing earlier with all the . . . reveals.
The rest of the pirates blinked, before registering the medical coat beneath all the blood and grime.
"Uhm, if you're not too busy . . ." Miyagi trailed off nervously.
"Gah! I'm so sorry!" Dr. Chopper blurted out. "I was so worried about more pirates to fight, and then distracted by the time travel stuff, and I forgot about the patients!" He morphed into his Walk Point, and raced off as fast as his four hoofs could carry him. In short order he reached where all the patients were being kept, with awnings now set up over them, and threw himself into his work.
It was . . . interesting, working with people so much like himself. Nice.
Not that he minded being with his fellow Humans of the Straw Hats, yet the part of him that was forever a reindeer found it pleasant being with those covered in fur like him. Once everyone was out of danger here, and if there was still nothing he could currently do to help Luffy while Zoro and the others prepared, there was so much he would have to ask the Minks!
With a touch of reluctance he pushed away his fury at his Captain's situation, and focused on saving lives. Well, actually dying was less of a concern than it would be for Humans, as Minks were apparently a hardy bunch, yet as a doctor he remained obligated to speed up their recovery as much as possible. Even if he also wanted to rejoin his crewmates.
It was all very strange and confusing, but he would make do.
Everything changed however right after he had finished changing the bandages for one Lion Mink from an emergency battlefield patch to a proper wrap with stitches, and was looking for someone else to treat.
"Ah, it's Mister Chopper, right?"
Grumbling a little at the interruption, he turned around only to be overwhelmed by a scent and vision of beauty.
A Reindeer Mink!
Her fur was lush and healthy, antlers tall and proud, and long blonde hair glistening in the sunlight.
"Ah, ah," he stuttered.
"You may not remember me," she smiled, "but I was helping you with the wounded."
His mind blanked as he tried to process the impossibility of how he could have ever missed—
No, wait, he could believe it. Helping everyone had been very distracting, and saving lives had taken precedence. He would not turn into an idiot like Sanji over a lady!
Yes, Tony Tony Chopper was a fearsome pirate, and he would retain his cool no matter the circumstances!
Oh wait, was she saying something?
"Sorry," he managed, "could you say that again?"
"Don't worry," she assured him, "I'm sure you're exhausted after all you've done! I said my name's Milky."
What a perfect name!
Before he knew it, he was striking up a conversation with her even as he continued at his job.
"Oh, I'm not a Mink," he corrected. "I'm a reindeer who ate the Human-Human Fruit."
"Oh my," she gasped in wonder, and he valiantly ignored how it made his heart beat faster. "That's amazing! Which do you identify as?"
"Both."
"Fair enough. It must be strange though, being here after so long living amongst just Humans though. Or have you met Minks before?"
"Well, there's Bepo, but we had bigger concerns so I was distracted. And may've thought he was just a guy wearing a lot of fur. Speaking of which, what's being a Mink like?"
She stopped for a moment, before slowly explaining what it was like living here. And wow, a whole country which properly understood the importance of conditioner! Amazing!
Time passed before he knew it, and that was the last patient. As he surveyed the rows of beds, it dawned upon him that it was mainly just Minks. Well, alright, that made sense. The few Humans he made out though, were dressed more like their allies.
What had happened to the Beast Pirates?
When he asked, Milky did not know.
"Oh, them? We dumped them over there."
Chopper froze. Surely they didn't . . . Rounding upon the rapidly stiffening pirate who had said so, he shouted, "What did you say!?"
"I—"
"WHERE!?"
Trembling the man pointed in the right direction, and shifting forms once more, Chopper raced off on all four hooves.
After a few seconds, he could find his way solely by the scent of blood, and reached an open plaza where what seemed like hundreds of their defeated enemies were lying around in various forms of distress.
"HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"
A few of of the more conscious ones were desperately trying to do what they could to help their crewmates
"HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"
Blessedly, some of the Minks were providing what medical aid they could as well.
"HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"
But why were they all laughing!?
Laughing so hard they were crying!?
Was this some sort of side effect of a drug to make them fight better?
No matter, Chopper's responsibility was clear. They way they were all laid out so haphazardly, there was no system to work with, so he threw himself into assessing those nearest to him. If he felt their injuries were stable enough, he would move on to the next.
"HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"
A rush of feet, and Milky came up alongside him, carrying a bag of medical supplies which she offered to him. "I, I didn't—"
"Thank you," he said distractedly, taking out some bandages even as his eyes roved over one pirate. "Let's get to work."
"HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"
Feverishly he moved, saving what lives he could. Although these people were surprisingly durable for Humans. He had assumed Luffy and the others were more of outliers.
Thankfully the laughing and crying was also starting to taper off, although even if whatever was in their eyes did not seem malicious, it still raised the fur on his spine. Something was very wrong with these people, and he feared it was not in a way he could treat with whatever medicines currently available to him.
"You help even your enemies," said Milky softly after they had worked through at least a dozen more patients.
"I'm a doctor," he replied stubbornly. "A pirate doctor, but a doctor, and that'll never change."
"I'm glad," and at the tone in her voice he turned to see the open admiration in her eyes, and oh dear something was wrong with his heart, why was it swelling and pounding like that! AHHHHH! WAS THIS SANJI-ITIS!?
"Ah—ah, don't try to compliment me, you—" Fortunately his brain reasserted itself, and cut off his insult. "Uhm, th—thank you!" he managed to stutter out.
"Ah shut up with the mushy talk!" screeched a Beast Pirate as he leapt up from where he had been playing possum. Jagged knife plunging down. "Now be good hostages and—"
In an explosion of fur and muscle Chopper towered over the man in his Heavy Point, a single hand engulfing an entire arm as the knife fell from limp fingers.
"You want to remember," snarled Chopper as he squeezed, "I'm a pirate. I kill people!"
"You said you're a doctor!" squeaked out the pirate.
"I have bad days!"
The would-be kidnapper collapsed in a dead faint.
"Wow!" gasped Milky, dropping her mouth open, staring at him wide eyed.
Shame curled up through his anger, and Chopper slumped back into his little Brain Point. "I—I'm sorry for that. I'll go."
"What? Why!?" she closed the gap in a blink, kneeling down to grasp his shoulder, her presence making him flush.
"B—but I said all that, and then I—"
He cut himself off as she laid one furry finger against his lips. "Like you said, you're a pirate doctor. And at the end of the day, you save more lives than you take. You're a good Mink, Dr. Chopper, and I'm proud to have met you."
Once more a strange sensation washed over Chopper, except this time it was a comforting warmth, and sense of clarity.
"Now," she smiled, "let's get back to work."
"Yes!"
Besides, after that little display, none of the Beast Pirates dared cause trouble again.
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"BIG MOM!?"
They were planning to invade Big Mom's territory, right into one of her infamous 'tea parties.'
A woman who he, the genius Caesar Clown, may have made certain promises to while accepting some of her money to do so, and may instead spent a little of it on some other, unrelated things. Okay, so it was a lot of money, and he had spent most of it on booze and women instead of fulfilling a dream she was frankly pathological about.
And now they were planning on dragging him to her doorstep.
Kill him now will you? He had thought things were bad enough as they were.
What the hell!? Those crazy, mad Straw Hats! First Joker, then Kaidou, and now Big Mom at the same time.
And they dare to call him a mad scientist! He was the sanest one here!
He needed to escape this lunatic asylum. Kaidou would not go out of his way to rescue him, and really, while that Emperor was better than Big Mom (low bar), and Caesar's relationship with him and Joker had allowed lots of freedom to 'invent,' he was still seriously considering terminating their partnership. Even with fewer restrictions and demands, there were still enough to be frustrating —he had spent hours every day checking on SAD alone!— and if he was okay with putting up with that, he would have stayed with that stuck-up know-it-all Vegapunk!
First of all though, he needed to find a way to escape before that crazy hag found him; her and her crazy obsession with making giants! The Straw Hats were crazy, but she was on another level as a mass-murdering psychopath!
He needed to get his heart back and escape!
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Carrot was on a mission.
Not a mission from one of the kings. But a self-appointed mission, which didn't mean it was any less as important and urgent of a mission. A mission was a mission.
She had kept hearing this and that about Monkey D. Luffy. How amazing he was, and the sorts of things he had done, and people said he had not actually been kidnapped, that it was all a ploy and he was a mastermind, etc.
Her self-appointed mission for the good of the kingdom was to find out the truth about the boss of their saviours! It wasn't because she was curious. She is a rabbit, not a cat!
Anyway, the easiest thing to do is to go and ask his actual crew, but Carrot felt that was not the best course of action. After all, they will have a biased outlook as he was their captain, so it was better to go with someone without so close a relationship. Yeah, she was smart! No, it wasn't because she was intimidated by the Straw Hats! Or that they had this angry cloud surrounding them, and every instinct was telling her to stay away.
She was a warrior! Things like that didn't scare her!
"Hey, emmmm . . . "
"Yes!"
"I wanted to ask about . . . L— Captain Luffy!"
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Despite the Straw Hat Pirates being stuck with resting murder faces, especially usually adorable Chopper, they still got a victory party going.
That said, it was still a wild event to vent emotions, celebrate being alive, and such a decisive victory against one of the Four Emperor's themselves! Why at this rate, they would all be torn down, and Luffy would have the One Piece before the year was out.
Marco, Ace, and the other Whitebeard Pirates nodded indulgently to this.
However, it was still no surprise that the Straw Hats turned in early.
After they had left, Inuarashi and Nekomamushi exchanged a significant look, and got up themselves, telling their aides the two of them were going to get some fresh air together, and peacefully address a few lingering issues between them.
All Minks within earshot were so overwhelmed with joy, they had to hasten to assure the concerned pirates these were happy tears.
Kin'emon also stepped back, asking to talk to Law in private. The Surgeon of Death was a little wary until he saw Momosuke was coming as well, trusting that with his son nearby, the samurai would not try anything unwise over Kanjuro.
Any further suspicions were eased when they met both the Mink Kings and Straw Hats, as Kin'emon would certainly know better than to cause trouble with them around. Although he was surprised to see the latter group still awake. Part of him wondered what their hosts had said to convince them otherwise.
Things became surreal from there though.
They were led to that large tree shaped like a whale, and within a secret chamber met Raizo, the companion Kin'emon had mentioned before. Indeed, it was revealed that he was the reason the Beast Pirates had attacked.
Oh, and there was a red Poneglpyh with him.
Every revelation which followed became all the more absurd than the last, yet always with that uncomfortable sensation of how they were telling the truth.
Ninja. He did not gush over that.
The Road Poneglyphs.
How to reach Laugh Tale (which was apparently the original name Roger gave it, which had all sorts of implications right there).
This perverted brat being the rightful ruler of Wano.
"By the way, it's amazing how big you've grown, Dog and Cat!"
Law would bet only that kid was allowed to refer to the two fearsome warrior kings as that.
Time Travel.
"What!?"
"Oh, right, you missed that part."
Ah, so Kanjuro actually had been familiar with these Minks, and so they would have known how to help him. Law still silently thought him an idiot.
Kaidou's insidious grasp upon Wano, but also how they would find allies there. Which was good, since the Emperor still had an army, weakened or not, and would be after Law's head, so better to take the initiative with allies at his side.
. . . And there they ran into a sticking point.
"We can't agree to anything without Luffy," was Zoro's flat statement.
Briefly Law considered arguing over it, because surely it would be a formality, yet could also tell this was something they would not relent upon. Moreover, he could respect that sort of loyalty.
Surprisingly though, the samurai accepted this as well. Maybe something about their own code of honour the people of Wano were supposed to have?
Well, it was not like he was truly shocked at the idea they were planning a rescue mission by busting into the territory of the Big Mom Pirates. In denial initially? Yes. Was this something unexpected from them? No, not really. Honestly, they had had less reason and motivation to sign up for an alliance with him, which they had actually stayed faithful to despite his initial assumptions, than they did right now.
"I shall accompany you!" declared Raizo the ninja. "My stealth will be a boon to you."
Later Law would learn this had been something of contention between the samurai, on whether or not Raizo would go to Wano or help here, only to eventually conclude that Luffy would be under such high security that the pirates would need all the help they could get.
"OW!" cried out Franky, locking his arms together overhead.
"With a ninja on our side, this'll be a piece of cake!" gushed Usopp.
"Luffy will be so impressed!" cheered Nami.
"Your aid will certainly be appreciated," smiled Robin gratefully. "Now we're far less likely to die impaled upon stakes as an example to others."
". . . Robiiiiiin~!" wailed Nami.
"This won't be easy," said Brook quietly and evenly, yet everyone hung onto his words. "Wherever they're keeping Luffy, we must assume it's under the tightest security to hold him there without escaping."
With a grunt, Zoro threw in, "We've just got to get there before he's gnawing off limbs to get free of seastone shackles, or something."
". . . Or because he's hungry."
Oh. Wait. Was Law the one to say that outloud? Judging by the glares, he was.
. . . Oops.
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"SANJI! FOOD!"
"KEEP YOUR SHIRT ON YOU GLUTTON! I'M COOKING FOR A WHOLE KINGDOM HERE!"
"YOU'VE GOT ALL THOSE CHEFS!"
"AND THEY'RE ALL USELESS! THAT PIECE OF FISHBAIT DIDN'T KNOW GOOD FOOD IF IT LEAPT UP AND BIT HIS FACE OFF!"
"WELL HURRY IT UP!"
-0-0-0-
The next morning, Law was relieved to see everybody getting down to business.
Sure, a lot of people had hangovers, but so long as they were productive and suffered in silence, all was well.
They were having a war council, piecing together all their intelligence about the two Emperors they were dealing with here. While there had been some (perfectly understandable) outcry and panic at such odds by the members of the Straw Hat Grand Fleet, Nico Robin had placated their nerves by appealing to their greed and revealing they already had one of the Road Poneglyphs, which those in the know realized she could read. As the explanation of what that meant was spread around, he mentally applauded at how she had implied it was a gift to Luffy from Rayleigh the Dark King.
Unfortunately, and inevitably it seems when his 'allies' were involved, things started to go downhill from there.
At the start, the Whitebeard Pirates, and surprisingly one Mink named Pedro, provided detailed information about the crew structure of the Big Mom Pirates. Law had acted all disinterested, but in reality was keenly listening. Even if he thought this mission was insane, he had faith in these lunatics, and, well, it was only a matter of time before he found himself fighting Big Mom regardless as he continued down this path.
Marco had finished explaining the general structure of captain, several elite/executive officers, many regular officers, and a legion of lower-ranking grunts. How non-family members had chess titles, and mentioned something about a 'homie' army? Plus mentioning 'ministers' who ran islands, before getting into the details.
Pedro injected, "The Four Sweet Commanders, from strongest to weakest, are the second son, Katakuri, the fourteenth daughter, Smoothie, the tenth son, Cracker, and the twenty-fifth son, Snack."
Marco cut in, "They're three now, yoi. Snack was demoted."
"Was he? Why?"
"Not long ago. He was beaten by someone you might be familiar with: Urouge, another member of your 'Worst Generation,' yoi." The way he pitched his voice as he said that term, made it hard for Law to tell if the Phoenix actually respected Law and his peers, or considered them like adorable little puppies making a mess.
"Wait, wait, so all the commanders are her kids?"
"Yup!"
"How many children does the hag have?"
"Thirty-nine—"
"What?"
"How!?"
"Is that even possible!?"
"With Luffy it will be forty!"
"Luffy has thirty-nine siblings?"
"Hey!" shouted Ace and Sabo at the same time.
"Forty-one, holy kraken! Chill, Luffy's big brothers!"
"Don't you forget it!" Ace glared.
"How could it be!?"
"Maybe if she birthed triplets?"
"You mean quadruplets!"
"Does Luffy have a twin?"
"Oh god! We are doomed! Another Luffy!"
"Maybe three of him!"
"Doomed!"
"Shut up, yoi! And let me finish!'' The fact that Marco had raised his voice was so rare and surprising, that even those who didn't know him for too long quieted down.
"As I said," Marco said slowly, daring anyone to cut in, "Thirty-nine—" Marco paused, and everyone stayed quiet "—daughters, and forty-six sons. With Luffy it will be forty-seven sons, yoi."
His explanation was met with a stunned silence that lingered a few beats.
Even Law was stunned. Oh, sure, he had heard she had a lot of kids, hence her epithet, but he was assuming it was like twenty or something.
The Straw Hats as one turned to Ace, who nodded his head in confirmation.
Zoro finally murmured, "Maybe Usopp's theory about quadruplets isn't so farfetched!"
His words broke the silence, and everyone was speaking over one another.
At this point Law's brain froze at the very real threat of multiple Mister Straw Hat's driving him mad.
Marco didn't even try to quiet them down this time, he just moved a few steps back to stand with his crewmates.
"Wanna have some popcorn?" Ace asked as he waved a bag half filled in front of Marco's face.
"Sure, why not, yoi? It may take a while."
The two brothers were enjoying the show, and clearly had been prepared for the 'party.'
Marco grabbed a few, and popped them into his mouth, and coughed right after. "What the hell, Ace?"
"Sorry, those are wasabi flavoured!" He was clearly not sorry at all.
The other brother offered a polite smile, and said, "We also have salted caramel popcorn, apple pie popcorn, coconut curry popcorn, and mint chocolate chip glazed popcorn."
Marco was about to ask where the hell did they find them, or make them, or . . . He thought better (butter) of it, and said, "No, thank you."
"Wait," a loud voice cut through the noise.
"I said, wait dammit, you buffoons!" the orange haired woman's fury won.
"Eighty-six children, right?"
Marco from his resting place only nodded.
"They all came from Big Mom, right?"
Marco nodded. Wondered where she was going with this. He could feel the two brothers going still beside him, and had even stopped munching.
"But are they all from the same father? All those eighty-six children are also from Dragon the Revolutionary?"
Gasps filled the air.
Sabo also gasped and clutched his stomach, and began laughing.
"No," Koala tried to say.
"I said Shut Up!" roared Nami. Alas, not even her rage could maintain control any more.
"So, the same mother, but different fathers."
"So the question is, how many husbands?"
"You're assuming they were married," Robin pointed out.
"And divorced," added Usopp.
"Or killed," corrected Robin.
"So this Big Mom is either a serial divorcee or widower!"
"How MAN ?" emphasised Nami.
"Forty-four," shouted Ace.
"Are you kidding me! I haven't married once, and this hag has been married forty-four times!?"
"If Sanji was here he would have proposed to you right on the spot there."
"Agehhhh . . ."
"I'm still trying to understand how she could physically pop out this many children! It doesn't make sense!"
"How old is she?"
"Sixty-six or sixty-seven I think."
"Is she still popping 'em out?"
"Oh, my god!"
"No way! She's too old! It shouldn't be possible biologically, right, Chopper?"
"Law?"
"Hmmmmmm . . ." The man was still in a daze.
"If I'm not wrong, she had her last child seven years ago."
"Let's hope she doesn't add more!"
"Seriously!"
"She can't! It isn't possible!"
"How does she pick them, her husbands, partners, whatever? Is it random?"
"I think some of them are kings or rulers . . ."
"I heard this too!"
"Do people agree to this? Or does she force them?"
"Usually there is a contract of some sort, I think. But threatening is a good summary, yoi."
"However I look at it, this woman spends more time pregnant than not pregnant!"
"Just awww… or maybe wow. I really don't know!"
"How can she remember her children's names?"
"Forget that, how could she name them all!?"
Usopp counted on his finger, "Katakuri, Smoothie, Cracker, Snack, and the one to marry Sanji is Pudding . . . I see a pattern here: food stuff."
"Sweets more accurately," noted Robin.
"You are not wrong," Pedro said. "There's Daifuku, Brûlée, Cinnamon, Brownie, Mascarpone . . ."
"What kind of monster calls their child 'Mascarpone!?'"
"But there are a few names unrelated to food like, like Oven—"
"That's still related to food!"
"—Niwatori—"
"Chicken? She called her son chicken!?"
"Maybe it's a daughter!"
"—High-Fat—"
"You're making this up!"
"This is the funniest thing I've ever heard!"
"—Anana—"
"Wait! Doesn't Anana mean pineapple?"
"Marco, are you Big Mom's son too?"
"It could be a daughter!"
"Or maybe he's a husband!"
"Oi!"
"No, maybe she was so impressed by you that she decided to name a son after you, but couldn't remember your name, only your head shape!"
"Could be!"
"Makes sense!"
"Someone call Pops, and tell him he finally has the grandson or granddaughter that he always wanted!"
Undisclosed to them, Pops had given a secret mission to Izo to have everything recorded for his entertainment later. The recording Den Den Mushi was busy at work hidden under the kimono folds of our samurai.
.
.
.
"At least we know one thing"
"What!?"
"She wasn't the one that named Luffy."
"Oh God, yes, what the hell would she have named him!?"
"Luffy is Luffy!"
"I know!" Usopp exclaimed. "She probably would've named him Meat!"
The growing absurdity finally snapped Law out of his mental breakdown.
Unbelievable! This was supposed to be a council of war. An assembly of chaos and doom more like it. His doom if anyone was wondering.
"Tora-o?"
An insistent voice that kept getting louder distributed his musings of his coming and nearing doom.
"Hey, Tora-o guy!"
"C'mon man, you're a doctor, so give us an answer already; how late can she go popping out children? Can she still do it even as old a hag as she is?"
"Tell us, doctor!"
"Yeah, we are listening, Sora-wannabe!"
"Yeah, shouldn't you know this Master F A N?"
"Who's Sora?"
"You weren't in the last meeting, listen . . ."
That's it, swore Law. As soon as I can find a break in this idiocy without offending anyone, I'm volunteering to take the samurai and some Minks ahead to Wano to scout the place out. I can't take another day stuck with this lot!
-0-0-0-
Jinbe was wondering how this was his life.
Where did he go wrong in his choices to lead him to this moment, stuck babysitting—ahem! Guarding the Princess and her little friends, or as they kept telling him, The Charming Prince Roby and his five vigilant knights?
If he was to guess it was when he took the mantle as Captain of the Sun Pirates. Nope, no doubt, his crew seemed to enjoy the new addition to the crew too much. Too much for his sanity and comfort. Did he cause this sort of trouble for Brother Ti and never realize it? Was this some sort of revenge beyond the grave?
The Charming Prince and his valiant knights' ongoing planning and conversation was still 'ongoing,' with some interjection from the squires (Yes, the feared and only Fishman pirate crew were bestowed the title of 'squires,' while he was the only one to be appointed as a fellow 'knight,' 'cause he was called Jinbe, Knight of the Sea. Aladdin joked about saving face at least. There was a ceremonial sword and everything. Sorry, Queen Otohime, fairytales will henceforth be banned from Fishman island, even if that was the last thing he ever did.)
"You can tell him how you feel!"
"Me?" Roby murmured shyly.
"Yes!"
"Indeed!"
"No!"
"Maybe!"
"So what if you did or didn't?"
"How?" Princess Shirahoshi . . . ehh Roby asked.
"Like how you told Vandery Deckeny that he is not your type!"
"Oh, is Luffy your type?"
"No?"
"Maybe!"
"Yes!"
"Why does it matter?"
Yonka Two, the one to always question everything her other four sisters ever said. Someone needed to be the devil's advocate and she had the official appointment, so why not. Paused and muttered to herself, "Imagine going all the way, and saving him, and the princess shouting at Luffy, 'You're not my type!'" She paused and then whispered to herself, "On second thought, that would be awesome!"
Loudly she shouted, "We should go to the wedding!"
Everyone turned to her, staring with mouth agape at her agreement with the others.
A few punched and pinched themselves, others murmured about miracles and omens (a fight erupted if it was a good or bad omen).
Jinbe cleared his throat and reminded them, "We are already on our way there."
"Oh, Knight Jinbe, what do you think?"
"About what?" he murmured, with dread in his belly.
Five pairs of eyes rolled at him.
"How should Roby confess to Luffy?" Duh.
All the other pairs of eyes turned to stare at him, all gleaming and waiting. Hungry, starving to hear his wisdom.
Jinbe gulped.
"Excellent question!" Aladdin observed loudly, and the girls… no, I mean, the prince and his knights preened at the compliment. "And for the right person."
Behind the man, Charlotte Praline was sniggering into her hand at the show, quite happy to betray both her mom and Jinbe in turn in favour of her husband.
"See Jinbe here, wants Luffy . . . I mean the Princess, as his new Captain, so he should know such an easy answer."
Yeah, he shouldn't have become the damn captain.
If Alddin wasn't to be the new captain when he left, he would have throttled him. Maybe he would before this was over; the journey had only just begun after all.
With deflated shoulders and ignoring the eyes staring at him in expectation, the Sun Captain murmured to himself, "Nika the Sun God, have mercy and save me from—"
"Yes?"
Jinbe froze.
Did God just answer m—
"Knight Jinbe," the voice demanded from where . . . it was coming below.
Oh.
He was looking at the little mermaid called Nika.
Unimpressed, and with an arched eyebrow, Nika asked, "You called?"
"No, my mistake, sorry."
She huffed and shook her head, and with one last glance at the poor knight she turned to join her sisters, who were still looking at him, but with disapproval? And disappointed?
He heard Alddine murmur to his wife, "Maybe he will be demoted."
Jinbe sighed, he should have known better by now, for even the gods had abandoned him, or why else was he stuck not only with a sniggering Aladdin, but also the man's wife?
They were truly a couple forged in the bubbling volcanoes of the deepest depths. Scratch that! He bet it was where they spent their honeymoon.
-0-0-0-
There was a quiet tension in Wano.
It spread across the land from the nervousness the Beast Pirate overseers displayed at times, the hushed conversations they cut off if any of the locals got too close. Observant individuals noted how similar it was to two years ago when there were rumours of the Beast Pirates fighting a large battle. One after which, Queen was no longer seen around, and the Flying Six far less often. No word about King either. Ever since then, sometimes Orochi would get lost in pensive thought, nervous about something beyond the ghosts of the Kozuki clan haunting him, which his nobles caught the scent of, and whispers of it trickled down from them.
All of which had been there even before tales of the return of the Nine Scabbards began to spread.
Only a few knew the truth: that two years ago the 'invincible' Kaidou and his forces had suffered serious setbacks in the foreign lands. How now his forces were spread thin to compensate these days.
The recent death of Jack, by causes unknown, was something they now struggled to keep secret.
"Do not trouble yourself, Lord Shogun," swore a kneeling man, his massive pompadour covering up his head. "Now that I'm aware of the situation, my men and I will redouble our efforts to ensure law and order within the Flower Capital, so traitors cannot make any headway! We will make up for the Beast Pirates' inability to fulfil their obligations to you."
"Gufufufufufu! Well said! You are so dependable, Kyoshiro!" crowed Orochi. "With you by my side, the glory of Wano that is my rule, shall not fall!"
"Indeed, my lord," promised 'Napping' Kyoshiro, continuing to keep his head down in supplication. However, this position and his massive piece of hair hid 'Kyoshiro's' malicious smile. This must be Kin'emon's work. Even now, away from Wano, he sets in play our vengeance! Our justice!
It certainly fit the timing, as it had been nearly twenty years now as foretold by the prophecy.
Soon, the wait would be over, and the true samurai of Wano would make their move.
For in truth, his name was actually Denjiro, one of the very Nine Red Scabbards of the Kozuki Clan whose 'ghosts' kept Orochi awake at night. For years he had sullied his honour for the opportunity to avenge his beloved lord, and return peace and prosperity to the land.
An opportunity which held even greater potential now, as Kaidou's forces weakened. The more and more Orochi became dependent upon the traitor in his midst, the easier victory would be.
It took a few more minutes of grovelling before he was finally able to go. Before leaving though, he stopped by Fukurokuju to discuss any possible concerns. Best to maintain the persona of being diligent and competent, even if the ninja likely had a good idea how much Kyoshiro bad-mouthed Orochi when at private parties. A little growling from a dog at his master's back was acceptable, so long as he would still bite where told.
With that, he made his way to go see a friend of his.
Sure enough, Sasaki was waiting for him at the entrance to the palace.
"Kyoshiro!" grinned the member of the Flying Six, tusks on full display. "Great to see you!" pulling the yakuza boss into a half-hug. "We took care of those pests for ya."
"Ah, many thanks," he smiled back.
Despite everything, Denjiro could not help but like Sasaki. The man was an excellent drinking buddy, had fascinating stories, good jokes, and was always polite to the consorts.
All to the point that Denjiro was not entirely confident he could kill this man.
Well, face-to-face, blades in hand for sure, but not by deception. Hopefully he could take the pirate prisoner though.
Lowering his voice a little, Sasaki added, "But it might be the last time for a while I can get called in when somebody's causing a fuss on yer turf. Just to keep in mind."
Which was nice to confirm, and why Denjiro had Hiyori help him discreetly arrange that incident to see if any of the Flying Six would be sent as usual. It was by simple chance that Sasaki was the one available to do it . . . and usually the Beast Pirates sent two of that elite unit.
"Oh my, I guess I'll have to handle it then," sighed Denjiro melodramatically, only to split his face with a large yawn.
"Ha ha! Just don't fall asleep during it!"
They chatted a little more before parting ways, each having their own responsibilities to carry out.
Later, when he had a moment of privacy, he pulled out the piece of paper Sasaki had slipped up his sleeve.
Buddy,
Kaidou wants a word with you,
preferably tonight. Don't
tell Orochi.
What followed was a brief series of instructions on when and where to meet Sasaki by the docks. Clearly they also expected him to handle slipping away and providing himself with an alibi himself.
The timing would be pretty tight too, to fulfil his obligations as 'Ushimitsu Kozo,' especially since it would hardly do for people to wonder why the infamous thief had taken the night off.
Well, this should be interesting.
~~To Be Continued…~~
Author Notes:
Yes, we made a BBC Sherlock reference, and we will gladly do so again.
.
Later Wano historians will note how everything here was all part of Master Strategist Kin'emon's grand scheme to weaken Kaidou to ensure the liberation of the samurai's homeland. Perhaps his greatest triumph in this web of intrigue, manipulation, and outflanking, was on Punk Hazard recognizing Luffy as Charlotte Linlin's son, and arranging for her to discover this. Then his piratical ally was able to use this to fake his abduction by Katakuri to get amongst the Germa 66 to arrange for a coup by his crewmate . . .
-0-
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