One Piece: Strawhat Theater

"Our Mrs. Monkey"

Disclaimer: This is a non-profit fan-based work of prose. One Piece is the property of Toei Animation, Funimation, and Eiichiro Oda. Please support the official release.


Thousand Sunny


It wasn't like Kozuki Momonosuke was ungrateful to the Strawhats for saving him and Kine'mon. He was also very happy they were going to help him retake Wano from Kaido. But, he was an eight-year-old boy... And Robin was so hot. He'd taken every shameless chance he could since he was rescued to snuggle into her bountiful bosoms and had enjoyed the annoyance of Sanji, Brook, and Franky.

He had felt a little guilty... But not too guilty. After all, they were just a bunch of old perverts.

He was planning to milk this as much as he could. Again, he was eight, time-displaced, and was a growing boy. It all seemed like it would be smooth sailing... Relatively.

Then... He met... Her.

Robin set him down on the deck of the Strawhat ship, the Thousand Sunny. Nami, another incredible beauty, had greeted them warmly... And brought with her a small black-haired girl with long pigtails.

"Momonosuke, this is Acenath, my daughter," Nami said with a smile. She nudged her daughter forward. "Say hello, Ace!"

"Ah..." Momonosuke bowed to the shy looking girl. He may have been a pervert, but he remembered his manners.

Ace slowly looked at him... And her eyes sparkled.

"HELLO!" Ace shouted, leaping like a tiger and tackling him in an almost painful hug!

"URK!"

"Oh! Ace, be careful! Mind your strength!" Nami admonished her daughter. Ace loosened her grip, and looked up at Nami with a grin as Momonosuke tried to catch his breath.

"Can I show him around the ship? Can I Mommy? Can I? Can I?"

"Of course, Ace-chan!" Nami laughed. "Go ahead!"

"YAY! COME ON MOMO!" Ace shouted, grabbing the disoriented Momonosuke's hand and dragging him at high speed across the deck.

"UWAH!" Momonosuke cried as the very strong little girl dragged him down a ladder.


At first? Things weren't too bad. Ace-chan had showed him the workshop, the powerplant, the library, and then the aquarium lounge.

Dragging him like a sack of vegetables everywhere, so hard his arm felt like it would come out of his socket, but it had been amazing to look at.

The aquarium itself was a marvel to behold, like nothing he'd seen in Wano.

"And that's Mister Stripey, and that's Mister Not-So-Stripey, and that's Mister Don't Eat..."

If the little girl could stop talking for five seconds.

"So what's Wano like? How'd you get here? Are you a prince?"

"Uh..." The abrupt change in subject was hard to cope with, along with the excited girl's endless questions. He did find it in himself to try to answer though.

"I'm the son of the last Daimyo of Kuri, Kozuki Oden," he began, and he went into the whole story as best he could. By the end of it, Ace was sniffling, her eyes filled with tears. Momonosuke held up his hands.

"I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry-URK!"

She hugged him again, very tightly.

"THAT'S SO SAAAD!" Ace wailed. Momonosuke awkwardly patted the girl on her head.

"It's... Okay... You-Your dad's gonna... Gonna fix it-"

"YEAH!" Ace cried, throwing up an arm. There was an ominous rumble. She rubbed her tummy.

"I'm hungry! LET'S GET A SNACK!"

"Wait-UWAH!"

And he was dragged back up the ladder to the main deck, and then to the kitchen. Ace fairly tossed him onto a stool like a bag of laundry, and she then sat on the one next to him. She beamed up at Sanji, who was cooking.

"Sanji? Can we get snacks please?"

"Of course! Anything for my precious Strawhat Princess," Sanji chuckled, setting a plate full of cakes in front of her. He turned his grin onto Momonosuke.

"How are you getting along with Momonosuke?"

"GREAT!" Ace cried, shoving cakes into her mouth. She shoved onto into Momonosuke's mouth.

"Good, huh?"

Momonosuke was able to chew, swallow, and nod in the affirmative. He reached for another, and enjoyed it-Though he narrowly avoided getting his hand bitten by the voracious little girl.

"AH! Hey! Watch it!"

Ace paused her eating and frowned.

"Sorry," she said. She brightened and picked up another cake. "I'll feed you!"

"Wha-GLMPH!"

Her shoving the cake into his mouth was so hard that he fell off the stool and onto the floor. Ace-chan loomed over him, concerned.

"Are you all right, Momo?! I'm sorrryyyyy!"

Momonosuke could see Sanji smirking out of the corner of his eyes. He scowled.

"Mm fine," he managed, after swallowing the cake. It was very good.


For the rest of the day, Ace-chan dragged him everywhere. She never left his side. No matter how hard he tried.

He'd attempted to sit in Nami's lap and let her read him books... But Ace-chan had been right there, talking his ears off.

He'd tried to watch the women sunbathing... And Ace-chan had started a water fight.

He'd even tried to have a nice bath with Robin and Nami that evening... And she'd joined in, resuming the water fight!

Now though, he saw his chance to escape as he came out of the bath, shaking and traumatized.

"I uh... C-Can I sleep with Robin-onee-chan?" He asked, trying to look as pitiful as he felt. "It's been such a long day..."

"Of course you can!" Robin chuckled. Momonosuke barely hid his smug look, but he could feel Franky, Brook, and Sanji glaring at him, "Nami and Luffy need a night off, so Ace-chan will join us."

All the smug drained right out of Momonosuke's face, as the little girl wrapped in several towels hugged him tightly again.

"YAY! SLEEPOVERRR!" Ace cried happily.

"GLURK!"

"Careful sweetie, he's having trouble breathing!" Robin chuckled.

"Good job, Ace-chan," Franky said, "Though if you want to choke him out, you need to adjust your elbows!"

"Like this, Uncle Franky?"

"HURK!"

"Yes, exactly!"


Still... He was going to get to cuddle with Robin all night. He could live with all of that, as long as he got to enjoy that. The maniacal little girl couldn't have that much energy, right? Right?

"Let's settle down, Ace-chan," Robin chuckled, as the two children crawled onto her bed, "We need a good night's sleep, right?"

"But it's my first sleepover," Ace whined, "Can't we do one fun thing? Please?"

Momonosuke flushed a bit. She looked so dejected and pitiful that he was moved... Then he rubbed his sore throat and scowled.

"No! Let's go to bed!" He growled.

"Come now Momonosuke," Robin said with a smile, "Can't we indulge her a little? It is her first sleepover, after all."

Momonosuke blushed a bit harder... Then sighed, and nodded.

"Fine... What do you want to do, Ace-BWACK!"

A pillow slammed into his face and knocked him onto the deck below.

"Sorry Momo!"

Momonosuke growled and crawled back up. He held up the pillow, his patience finally spent.

"TAKE THIS!"

He threw the pillow right into the surprised girl's face, and sent her tumbling onto the deck below. In an instant, regret hit Momonosuke.

"Ah... Ace? Ace-chan?"

He hadn't meant it! She was a crazed, super-strong maniac of a little girl, but he didn't want to hurt her!

Ace-chan's head popped back up, peering at him over the bunk. She hopped onto the mattress, a wide grin on her face. She tucked a pillow between her teeth, and held up two more in her right and left hands. Her eyes glowed, and Momonosuke gulped in terror.

"THREE PILLOW STYLE STRIKE!"

"MOMMY!"


Nami was cuddled up to her husband in their cabin, warm and sated and wonderfully sore in all the right places. Luffy held her in his arms and rested his chin on the top of her head. She felt his heartbeat, comforting and strong.

"Hey, Nami?"

"Mm?"

"When did you first realize you loved me?"

Nami blinked and looked up into his eyes. From anyone else, such a question might have been marked with insecurity. In Luffy's case, it was sincere and guileless.

"What?"

"When did you first realize you loved me?"

"Why are you asking?"

"Just thought of it now."

"Mm," Nami sighed. "I don't know for sure. I mean... Maybe I loved you after Arlong? Maybe before? I guess I didn't really realize until Alabasta...? It's hard to answer. I'm sorry."

"It's okay. It's how you are."

"When did you first realize you loved me?" Nami asked, looking into his eyes.

He grinned.

"The second I first saw you."

Nami flushed deeply.

"W-What?!"

"I mean, maybe not lovey-dovey love but..." He grinned. "I knew you were gonna be part of my crew. I knew you'd become nakama. So I knew I loved you."

"That's... So corny and ridiculous," Nami giggled. "But it's very you."

"Shishishi..."

"And when you realized you loved me... Romantically, I guess?"

Luffy hummed.

"I think I understand that better now... I think it's after Cocoyashi. I asked Sanji about marriage and junk. Sanji asked me how I would feel if you had asked someone else to marry you."

Nami blinked.

"And?"

"I..." Luffy frowned. "I didn't like it. I really didn't like it. Sanji just goes after all girls so ya know, that's him. I don't mind him being like that around you. But if you... Said that to someone else, I..."

He shook his head.

"I was... Scared. And angry. And worried," Luffy admitted. "Sanji told me that's how I knew I loved you. Ya know, like that."

Nami smiled.

"Aw... Is my Captain jealous?" She cooed.

"I wasn't jealous," Luffy corrected her, just a little too fast. Nami kissed him.

"Mm... You know, we could pretend I was making eyes at another guy," she whispered, "And you make it clear whose woman I am~."

"You'd... Like that?"

"I'd really like that~," Nami purred.

Luffy grinned.

"You're mine Nami. I'm gonna make it so you never look at another guy!"

"Ooh! What are you going to do to me? Spank me?"

"As much as it takes!"

"Oh, you beast!" Nami giggled.


In the aquarium lounge, Usopp, Zoro, Sanji, Kine'mon, Law, and Franky were playing cards. Kine'mon started when he heard loud thumping.

"Ah, what's that?"

"Just Luffy and Nami," Zoro observed, scowling at his cards.

"Sounds like they're on round twenty," Franky opined, "Two cards."

Usopp, being the dealer, provided the cards to the cyborg. Kine'mon flushed.

"Are they always so... Vigorous?"

"They're basically like rabbits. She's probably working him to the bone, YOHOHOHOHO! Skull Joke!"

"They have been separated for two years," Zoro grunted, "Only natural for a husband and wife to want to be back together."

Sanji burst into angry tears and glared at Zoro.

"STOP RUBBING IT IN, MOSSHEAD!"

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Zoro said stoically, "You're the one reading too much into things."

"I SPENT TWO YEARS IN HELL! WHERE WERE YOU?!"

"Purgatory, really," Zoro mused. He smirked slightly.

"Though my wife did scream to God more than a few times."

"YOU BASTARRRD!"

"SHITTY COOK!"

"Please, do not fight in front of our guests?" Brook asked, "It will ruin the card game."

Sanji and Zoro sat back down, both glaring hot death at one another. Usopp grumbled.

"Man... I should have asked Kaya to marry me before I left," the sniper lamented, "I raise fifty."

"I'll see your bet, and add twenty," Franky said. Most of the other players folded. "And yeah, you should have! A rich heiress, and a pretty one? She's gonna have suitors around the block!"

"Hey, knock it off Franky," Sanji stated, as Usopp slipped into depression, "Don't make him feel worse! So he blew his chance with a rich heiress, it's not something to BE SMUG ABOUT."

"I'm not being smug," Zoro stated, "About Usopp. You though-"

"BASTARD!"

"The card game?" Brook again interjected, and the two rivals glowered but kept their peace.

"I always feel down, but that does make me feel worse," Usopp admitted. Franky patted Usopp on the back.

"Hey. If she knows you, she'll be waiting for you, Bro!"

"You think so?" Usopp asked happily.

"Absolutely," Franky said with a nod. "Also, call!"

"Read 'em and weep!" Usopp chuckled, "Straight flush!"

Much groaning and throwing of cards ensued as Usopp moved to scoop up his winnings. Kine'mon frowned and showed his hand.

"Excuse me, but... What does this mean?"

Usopp gaped. The Wano samurai had a Royal Flush.

"That's... Er... Well..."

"He already folded, doesn't matter if he had a better hand," Law interjected.

"Hey! So I won?"

"No, you didn't win because you already accepted defeat," Usopp stated. "That's how the game works!"

"Says who?!"

"Says everybody! Especially me!"

"Another round!"

"Well, if you feel like losing more money, I'd be happy to oblige!" Usopp chuckled.

"Usopp... You're sure you're not lying, right?" Law asked, glaring at Usopp. The sniper gulped. "You're not cheating, are you?"

"I'm literally the only normal person here!" Usopp declared. "How do I know you aren't cheating?!"

Law slowly nodded.

"I suppose that's fair."

"Wait, we weren't supposed to cheat?" Brook asked. "I thought we were playing Pirate style! You know, you win until you're caught cheating?"

"WHY WOULD YOU ADMIT IT WHEN YOU ALREADY LOST?!" Shouted the other players.

"Yohohoho~!"


The next morning, a miserable Momonosuke picked at his breakfast. The rest of the Strawhats and Kine'mon were eating happily. Nami leaned over from her spot next to him, looking concerned.

"You all right, Momo-chan?" She asked.

"Urgh," Momonosuke grunted. He still had bruises. Nami chuckled and rubbed his head affectionately.

"I know she's a handful, but I really appreciate you being Ace-chan's friend," Nami said warmly, "She hasn't had a chance to play with another kid before. I'm hoping you can be good friends with her. She's very lonely, too."

Momonosuke flushed. Images of his own childhood flashed through his mind. He very slowly nodded and looked up into Nami's eyes.

"Then... Don't worry," he said, "I'll look after her. I promise."

Nami beamed like the sun.

"Thank you, Momo-chan. That means a lot to me," she said. Momonosuke flushed, and turned back to his food.

Nami then frowned.

"Luffy? Where is Ace-chan?"

"I saw her by the aquarium," Luffy said, in-between bites of his own breakfast.

A second later, Ace-chan ran into the messhall. She was covered in several octopi, and grinning from ear to ear.

"HEY MOMO! I HEARD YOU LIKE TAKOYAKI! LET'S MAKE SOME! CATCH!"

"Huh-UWAH!"

An octopus beaned him right in the head and he fell onto the deck.

"Ace-chan!" Nami scolded her daughter, "You apologize to Momo-chan and put those right back!"

"But Mommy, he likes takoyakiiii!"

Momonosuke groaned.

This crazy girl is gonna kill me...!


Omake


The Den-Den Mushi shows off Buggy, who is grinning broadly.

"Hello, Buggy Fans! Captain Buggy is here! And today we have a guest star! Please welcome, formally a member of the Thriller Bark Pirates, the Ghost Princess, PERONA!"

The gothic lolita woman floated in, accompanied by two of her ever present ghosts. She held a bandaged up teddy bear in her arms as she sat on the couch alongside Buggy's. She scowled a bit at the canned applause.

"So! How are you, Perona?" Buggy asked.

"A circus should be cute," Perona stated, "You're not cute. At all."

"Nngh... Grr...!" Buggy took a deep breath and regained his composure. "Well! Honorable pirates can disagree! So! You claim you were with Roronoa Zoro for two years on Kuraigana Island!"

"I'm not claiming it, it's the truth!" Perona growled. Buggy held his hands up and chuckled.

"Hey hey, temper temper! I'm not like that Big News Morgans, I'm trying to find out the truth!"

Perona sniffed.

"Fine. It is true. I did spend two years with him, and Lord Mihawk," she stated. "Mihawk said we couldn't live there in sin, so we had to get married."

"You and Mihawk-?"

"NO! Me and Zoro!" Perona scowled. Buggy gasped... And he elbowed someone off stage. They sighed, and ran some canned audience gasping and astonishment sounds.

"Wha-You and Pirate Hunter shacked up?! Holy-Or unholy-matrimony?!"

"It... Wasn't... All bad," Perona managed, her face blushing a deep red. She shook her head. "It was more a marriage of convenience! Zoro needed training from Mihawk, and he needed me to patch him up. Stupid idiot was always working too hard, pushing himself too far, nearly lost an eye-Stupid moron!"

"So uh, you two divorced now or what?" Buggy pressed.

"Oh no," Perona shook her head, "He's out pursuing his dream. Me? I've got a bit too much work to do and it doesn't really fit with his goal right now. We spent two years together, some time apart isn't too bad. Especially given how much of a pain he can be."

"So uh... You're... Separated?" Buggy guessed. He laughed. "Hahaha! I should have guessed he was a bum from the way he-!"

"Negative Hollow!"

Buggy was down on the floor, head bowed.

"I am lower than the lowest starfish... I just want people to like me... I'm just as cool as Shanks," Buggy whimpered. He shook off the Hollow attack and scowled. "HEY! You can't do that-!"

"Listen here, Clowny!" Perona snarled, looming over him, "My husband is a jerk, but he's my jerk. Don't you ever say anything bad about him again or I'll reduce you to the lowest form of scum on the planet!"

"Eep... I-I mean I'm sure he's a wonderful, loving husband!" Buggy managed. Perona turned a smile to the Den-Den Mushi and winked.

"Hey Honey. Heard you did great at Fishman Island! Good job! I can't wait for you to write me all about it! Also, I heard Strawhat and that orange haired wife of his had a baby."

She scowled out at the world.

"You'd better not hold back next time we meet. Babies are cute! AND I WANT ONE!"

"Ooookay, that's... Fantastic to know!" Buggy managed. "Uh, congratulations, Pirate Hunter! Ghost Princess! I knew you'd always make it together! Now for a word from our sponsor~!"


On the Thousand Sunny, Sanji, Franky, Usopp, and Brook all slowly turned from the televisor Den-Den Mushi and stared at Zoro. The swordsman shrugged.

"What?"

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US YOU WERE MARRIED?!" Usopp shouted.

"Didn't come up."

"MOSSHEAD I'LL KILL YOUUUUUU!"