My heart is starting to beat faster and suddenly there isn't enough air in my lungs. I get off of her, I can't even look her in the eyes. What did I just do? What did I do? I feel dizzy. I look around the room for my clothes and I realize my pants are still around my ankles, and I feel so disgusted with myself. I pull them up and she grabs my hand.

"Peter! Peter, stop!"

"I'm so sorry, MJ," I used her. Oh God, how could I do that? I have to leave, get away from here. But then she hugs me and doesn't let go despite my efforts to get away.

"I'm not letting you go now. I'm just not,"

"MJ, I can't—I can't – I can't breathe," I need to get away from her. I try pushing her and she lets up a bit but doesn't let go of me completely. My legs can't hold my weight anymore and I fall to the floor. She kneels besides me and takes my face into her hands.

"Yes, you can. Look at me, Peter!" She forces me to look her in the eyes. And I don't see pain in there, no regret. I just see strength.

"Breathe with me, inn and ouuuut, okay? Now again – in," she breathes in deeply and I copy her, "and out."

We breathe together for a few minutes and my heartbeat slows down. I can breathe again. But that doesn't mean I feel better. How could I do that to her?

"MJ, I'm so sorry," I try to apologize but saying words as simple as 'I'm sorry' makes me feel worse. I can feel tears dripping down my cheeks. And she wipes them away. She holds me.

"You have nothing to apologize for, Tiger, it's okay," she holds me and gently strokes my hair. She's comforting me. I can't stop crying.

"I used you," I whisper.

"You didn't use me. You know very well I never do anything I don't want to do. I could have pushed you away, but I didn't want to, okay? I … wanted that, too."

I want to believe her so badly, but I don't deserve that. I deserve to suffer. I'm useless. How many people could I have saved if I'd reacted as soon as my spider-sense went off? If I hadn't been so far off into my own head fantasizing about … her.

I can't be friends with her. Definitely not after what I just did.

I can't do this without her.

I hug her back and I cry into her shoulder about everything. And she holds me the whole time letting me hope that maybe I can get through this in one piece, which is so much more than I deserve.

After the tears stop, I feel so drained I can barely move. I realize then that she's still naked.

"MJ?"

"Peter?"

"I – Aren't you cold?"

"Hmm? Oh! Hold on a sec," she lets go of me and runs into her bedroom. Her warmth now gone, a chill runs through my whole body. I stand up, my legs are so stiff it hurts. Then she comes back into the room wearing a robe.

"You're not leaving," she says as she sees me standing up. It's not a question.

"I … I didn't plan to. But I don't want to stay on the floor the whole night,"

"Okay, good," MJ gets quiet. I don't say anything either. I know we are both thinking the same thing – what now?

"I can sleep on the couch," I offer, more so because I can't stand the awkward silence.

"No, I think … I want to sleep next to you. Tonight, I don't have the strength to lie to myself. And I think we both need each other. In the morning we can go back to making life difficult."

"Are you sure-?"

"Yes."

"I mean about the making life difficult part."

"Oh," she's quiet for a moment, "I don't know. But I do know it's not something either of us is capable to deal with right now. So just come to bed, we need sleep,"

"Okay," of course I agree. I follow her in the bedroom and fall asleep with her head on my chest praying that morning never comes.