Code Lyoko
Warning: it's based on "Frontiers Virtuellles: revirtualization" (chapter I) which came out as a way to celebrate the twenty years of the series premiere and will deal with adult themes typical of the age of its main characters and foul language. I estimate two to three chapters maximum, please let me know if you like it.
English isn't my first language so sorry beforehand if I made mistakes.
"UlrichxYumi"
He couldn't believe that his apathy had reached the point where he truly didn't give a shit about what his father said, that was, of course, until it stepped a foot on that shit, because that's was when it really started to matter.
"Even the Asian that I really came to believe loved you got fed up with you and left you..." He commented despotically, with a tone that he would define as mocking and then added something that he didn't think his father would say would affect him again as it did. "It seems that you manage to rot everything that is close to you, because as soon as she left your side, she succeeded… and look at you now, having had every chance in life, and you're working mediocrely in a supermarket that's not even yours, at your age; you were a burden to her, as you were to us before, Ulrich..."
He opened his eyes in surprise that there was still any doubt in his mind that a father, even his own who hardly ever showed any appreciation for him, could say such a cruel thing to the son who had never asked him to come into the world.
"And you came all this way just to tell me once again what I've always known about how you feel about my existence? You didn't have to, believe me, at this point in my life, with everything you've shown me, that's more than obvious."
He didn't understand why if he wasn't looking for him, never called him and didn't bother him in any way, he would occasionally show up at the door of his apartment, and each and every one of those encounters were similar, only this last one felt more personal, because ever since Kadic's group had reappeared, even though he had avoided them like the plague, he knew that eventually the time would come for a reunion with the one he most wanted to see, but at the same time he also knew that the farther away the better, and his fears had materialized a week ago, so the wound was still fresh.
"Sarcastic and unreflective as always... you definitely don't change anything..." he blurted out with the self-righteousness that had always pissed him off.
"And if you already know, why do you keep coming...? am I going to knock on your door?" he asked already beginning to get irritated and to find it hard to maintain the temperance that the lack of passion for life granted him, almost always without major problem. "And if I cause you so much shame, if it pleases you so little how I lead my life, just forget about me for once and for fuck's sake. As you see, I have nothing, but I still have the pride of my word and I swear that as it has been until now that I have not asked you for anything, you will never again have a sign of my existence... please I don't want any more of this, I'm tired... let's do each other the favor of not seeing each other anymore..."
His father looked at him from head to toe with what he interpreted as the classic contempt he had been subjected to all his life and simply turned away and he took the opportunity to take cover behind the door, making sure to close it tightly, feeling highly vulnerable and grateful to have a wall between him and his progenitor because even though his father was already old and physically he could not be a match for anyone, nevertheless all life had managed to defeat him emotionally and the mention of Yumi had been one of the lowest blows he had ever received because he still found it hard to believe and could not come out of his stupor that he would use "The Asian" as he referred to the woman he never once called by her name even though she had been his partner for years, as a weapon.
He exhaled deeply, letting out all the anguish he felt beginning to overwhelm him. His father and Yumi seemed too much to deal with in such a short span of time, though he wasn't entirely sure there was the amount of time to get used to such reunions and continual mentions of the past, especially when what he wanted most was to get away from anything that was related to her, and like a cruel joke this one seemed hell bent on coming back.
He looked at the time and wished it was later; he had made a promise to his liver that he would only drink after noon, and that was only if he had eaten breakfast, but he found himself justifying that somewhere in the world it was already dark and that earlier coffee counted as food and looking for something he felt like drinking at that time he leaned towards a beer, something not too strong, he had to go to work in a couple of hours and hoped he would remember to bring toilet paper. One of the perks of his workplace was the attractive employee discount that used to be very beneficial when it came to stocking the pantry... or the bar.
.
"Ulrich, get up, will you?" He heard in the distance. "This place stinks and you missed work because you were drunk in the middle of the week..."
He got exalted, looked out of the window, which the last time he saw it let in the natural rays of the sun and all that filtered through was the light of the night counteracted by the unmistakable and illuminated night scenery and remembered that after the first can of fucking beer and three others followed o maybe more. Having woken up he looked at the one who had awakened him, unsettled to see him in his house, but not surprised that he could find him or that he could enter wherever he chose.
"Jeremie..." he mumbled grumpily, but after a few seconds he began to worry, his abrupt entrance could not be for something good. "Did something happen in Lyoko? Are Aelita and your daughter ok...?
He watched him nod and remove the laundry that was on the other side of the couch he was on and sat down on the space that was vacated. He thought he would have liked to have the house a little more presentable, but it wasn't like he had given him notice of his visit either.
"I'm actually concerned about how this is affecting you... I mean, while we need your help, under no circumstances do I want you to continue if this destabilizes your life, after all you cut off contact with us and you're forced to reconnect and go back to where you made it very clear you didn't want to set foot again..."
His voice sounded calm and not as if he was berating him for his attitude, which heard from his perspective he couldn't help but feel somewhat guilty, but he understood that he was simply laying his cards on the table and giving him the option to step aside.
"You well know that that wasn't because of anything personal...". he answered evasively and a little embarrassed. "And don't worry about me, I'm old enough to decide for myself, and all I want is for that computer to be turned off again, and this time for good, so that we can go on with our lives in peace..."
"It's what we all want, no one asked for this..." he agreed with him. "My family is in danger, and I care about you and the truth is I know, and you must be clear by now that it's an open secret that we all know that you don't want to see Yumi, and I'm sorry this turned out this way..."
That was true. He didn't want to see her, be near her, hear her voice or even hear from her. Four years had passed faster than he thought and although every day was terribly similar to the previous one, the truth is that how abandoned he felt when she decided to end the relationship made him realize that definitely no one died for love or lack of it, although he did believe it at first, when he was beginning to accept that everything he thought was a joint project was actually an individual one, and to have seen her so suddenly, when he didn't expect it, was quite strong. He felt faint as he noticed how beautiful she still looked, and he had secretly wished that life away from him had been hard and that she would eventually regret it and come back, but from what he could tell at with a simple glance was that she was doing well and it was up to him to accept the hard truth that if she would have wanted to come back she would have done so by now. She looked more elegant and distinguished than ever, dressed in impeccable and spotless black as she used to do all her life and completely radiant, as if it was rubbing her face that the decision to take him away from her life had been the solution to all her problems.
Just as his father had said.
"No, I didn't want to, but it's over, and it wasn't the end of the world..." he replied dismissively "I'm fine, but the sooner we get this over with, I'll be even better off..."
Jeremie glanced at him indicated that he disagreed with her assertion, and he saw him look at the place where he lived and felt his cheeks redden. The place was a mess, untidy and chaotic. He understood instantly that he drew his own conclusions about the truth of his well-being.
"She decided that she will return to the country for an extended period of time and will be closer to be able to help. The truth is that I think Aelita asked her to... " He announced notoriously worried about what he would say. "I don't want this news to take you by surprise, I'd rather tell you."
He felt a deep discomfort in his stomach, and he was sure it had nothing to do with the lack of food in it, because it was as if oppressed and churning. He felt how he suddenly found it hard to breathe. Knowing that he could walk through the streets at ease, having the complete certainty that he wasn't going to find her turning the corner, was one of the few privileges he had left, and now even that was taken away from him.
"She's free to live wherever she wants..." he blurted out sounding more irritated than he would have preferred to sound indifferent and couldn't help but mumble his opinion. "She always made those kinds of decisions without asking anyone anyway..."
Until that day he still didn't know why she decided to end everything they had so untimely. He would have preferred her to have been clearer, and personally he thought it was the least he deserved, however, she seemed to be in too much of a hurry to bother explaining. One day they were together and the next she merely reported that it was time to go their separate ways and did not ask him how he felt about it. Dominant to the end she decided for both of them, although of course it had not been the first argument they had had, so he figured that this was just a passing separation, but time began to pass and he understood after a month of no news that she really wasn't coming back.
"You know, don't you?" He questioned without having to finish the sentence because they both knew what he was referring to, although knowing him as he did, he had zero hope that he would say it. Jeremie was one of the most trustworthy people she had ever met. A hard thing to find, which was why he still cherished him despite their time apart. There was too much shared history between them to be one of the many people who simply passed into oblivion.
"Yes," he admitted.
He smiled sadly. At that point he should be the only one who didn't know why, but there was something else he was fully aware of that was no longer any of his business, yet he feared he would never feel differently about her. He was always going to care about her sentimental life, because he had long wanted her tied to his, and with him he could be honest. Ironies wouldn't work because he was immune, and he preferred to have a strategy so he knew where he stood.
"She... has... Yumi...eeh..." he was having trouble verbalizing and in particular that sentence "is she coming back alone...?"
He saw a laugh on Jeremie's face and understood that the answer was positive.
"If what you want to know is if she lives with someone, if she has a partner or if she got married, in my opinion and from what I have been able to deduce, is that she is committed to her profession and to her work...", he replied solemnly finally in an encouraging way, as if that meant something to him.
"I'm not asking because I want to get back together with her", he clarified indignantly at her assumptions. "I'm just curious... "
"I didn't say that...", he defended himself by raising his hands, pleading innocence.
From the way she had proceeded to simply cut him out of her life, he could understand that she did not want him and would no longer beg for her attention. Those days were over and for them to have to meet again was a circumstance he was sure they both would have preferred to avoid.
"You may not believe it or feel the same way, but I am very grateful for what you are doing for my family and that, if there is any way I can repay this sacrifice, rest assured that I will...", he commented mysteriously, but implying a kind of commitment that he had in no way asked for.
"I haven't asked you for anything, but I'm glad to see you again; despite the circumstances and what you may suppose…", he corrected him.
He meant it sincerely, there was no personal reason behind his departure, and he extended his hand in a sign of fraternity, a gesture that was accepted and imitated.
"By the way, I hacked into your workplace system and inform you, you have night shift in a couple of hours: shower for the love of whatever, I left you food on the table in, the kitchen?" he scoffed at the poor attempt he had of one. "I have to go, I have to go to dinner with my daughter, but we'll be in touch..."
He answered a call and without another word he left, waving goodbye, leaving him alone with all this new information to process. He looked at the time and if he didn't hurry he wouldn't get to eat whatever it was that Jeremie had left him, which, being famished, he didn't care what it was and also being on time for the unsolicited shift, but which he was grateful for, he didn't want to have problems that could well be avoided. He had had enough of all the hassle.
Fortunately, his presence had not been requested in the factory, so when his phone began to vibrate and horrified he noticed that it was a voice message. Who sent voice notes when they could just write...? He moved away from the sales room and went to the back cellar so he could hear more quietly, because with the noise and ambient elevator music they used to play there was little he could hear. He put the device close to his ear and after a few seconds he knew it couldn't be a good thing.
At first I could not understand, he recognized the voices, but did not understand anything because didn't have a context of what the situation was about or why.
"This conversation we have already had, and just as I told you before it is none of your business", acknowledged Yumi's exalted voice. "Aelita, tell your husband that you have no intention of becoming a widow, because that is what will happen if he keeps meddling in."
He couldn't help but roll his eyes at hearing her so threatening.
"He deserves to know, he doesn't know why you left...", insisted Jeremie. "It was someone important to you, wasn't it? I know it was, because I witnessed that. Tell him so he can get on with his life!
Jeremie sounded angry and it was as if they were engaged in an argument that had been going on for some time before the recording began.
"How could he not know?", she replied with weariness and disbelief. "If he doesn't know by now, don't you think then I definitely made the right decision?"
"Yumi...", he heard Aelita. "You know that I have always supported you and that whatever you decide for your life I will be there, but you need to face the fact that you didn't do things right with Ulrich..."
A few seconds passed in which he thought he had already finished the recording that had him with almost exorbitant eyes, because he was tense and very immersed in what he was hearing.
"If I told him, he would have said he would change and I would have believed him and I would have stayed by his side feeling miserable and guilty...", she explained brokenly "I couldn't allow myself to do that, for my own sake, and who knows if someday he will understand that for his own sake too..."
What the fuck was it that everyone was talking about, but no one was saying? She always boasted of being frank and direct, but when it came to proving to him that she really was, it didn't seem to him that she had been so frank and direct. If there was something so important he needed to know she would have demonstrated her sincerity by making the problem obvious, not running away. The audio was longer, but he decided he had heard enough. He didn't want to be even more disappointed in her, so he deleted it. He got Jeremie's intention, he understood that he couldn't tell him directly, but that he did everything he could to help him to get a closure, and he thanked him for it, because it was a turning point, and suddenly he no longer needed the answers he had been seeking for so long.
He wrote him a message to let him know that the information had been received.
"Thank you, maybe it was indeed a forced relationship after all... maybe if it hadn't been for Lyoko, who knows if we would be talking about her today..."
He had always thought that he was not enough for her, and his inferiority complex had been a problem especially at the beginning, however, he had not seen until that day that perhaps she was not as he remembered her. She had ended up being a coward and even worse, a cynic and he did not admire those qualities, quite the contrary. Jeremie had handed him the map to get out of the "Yumi" loop and he suddenly felt as if a heavy burden had been lifted from his back.
She definitely wasn't worth it and it was time to come to terms with it.
.
Walking through the aisles of his workplace, out of the corner of his eye he spotted a familiar figure and thought that by not being noticed he might as well simply disengage, but on the other hand serving customers was one of his duties and she had been looking at different types of packages of the same product for some time. He exhaled jaded of it all and out of sheer inertia, and not knowing if he would regret it later he headed towards her.
"Hello Sissi...", he greeted. "Can I help you?"
Although it was something he sometimes hated about himself, he couldn't help but be intrinsically kind to customers.
"Ulrich...!", she greeted smiling.
She glanced at his employee badge and smiled. She didn't make any sarcastic remarks or tease him, as he would have expected.
"Maybe you could help me pick out the most appropriate one...", she explained pointing to the adult diapers. "I'm not sure what I should get. I don't understand much, there are so many sizes and brands...
He had heard that she was radically different from how they remembered her and that she was taking care of his father who was very ill, but until then he had not had a chance to check out the new "Sissi Delmas", and he assumed she was looking for the right ones for her father. He watched as she remained more attentive to reading the differences between the products rather than his presence, literally almost ignoring him. It was genuine her change, that was the proof and there he understood, before she would never have wasted an opportunity to interact with him and he was amused that he had somehow expected her to act a little more interested.
"Eeh, your dad, is he a severe case of incontinence…? Because you know, we have these that are basically disposable underwear and older adults prefer them... it's less traumatizing for them to transition..." offered to her.
He had been there too long to know what the customers preferred. More than one had explained the advantages to him, even though he hadn't even asked them, but as people said "information is power...".
"Oh, wow, I do find that very practical...", she replied gratefully looking at what he indicated and taking the package.
"And they're on sale, today they're two for one...". he announced as she saw the sign which she discovered was misplaced and took the opportunity to fix.
"Sold!", she replied to his offer, raising her hand as if she were at an auction. "I hope Dad doesn't take it badly, you know? He tried to hide his accident at night and it made me feel tender that even though he felt bad he still thought of me, and felt ashamed of what I might think... when all I care about is that he doesn't suffer..."
It didn't happen often, but her comment moved him. Deep down in high stakes situations he had always seen that she was more than just the shell of the attempted human being she appeared to be, through the time they shared in Kadic he could see her do horrible things, but it also helped him times when she would never get any credit for it, and he had been cruel too, he had abused her interest in him to achieve his purposes and to make Yumi jealous. He had not been so good, nor had she been so bad. She was not a villain nor he a superhero. They were just stupid teenagers.
"He's your only family?", he asked, not quite sure why to probe further, because he didn't want to come across as invasive either.
"Yes...", she confirmed "It will be hard when he leaves, but the truth is that it's something I'm quite aware will happen. I think it's the cycle of life and I'd feel a lot worse if it was the other way around and I was the one causing him this distress..."
He was amazed that she thought in such an altruistic and high-minded way. He admired how she was looking at things, usually people avoided talking about death or being frightened by it, as if it wasn't the only sure thing at the moment of birth.
"You blow me away...", he commented, truly amazed.
"Well, this didn't happen overnight. I had counseling and emotional support to learn how to cope with the burden that you inevitably start to carry when you work doing social services...", she said explaining the reason. "Besides being really ashamed of my past..."
"Emotional counseling?", he asked in confusion.
"Psychologists, psychiatrists and if necessary pharmacological help", clarified the term. "The first thing I had to accept was that I needed help, because, although I now have the explanation to many strange things that were happening and that it was not that I was going crazy, I was not happy being who I was and how I was... I mean, outside of Kadic, I was just another person in the world, no one knew me, I didn't even recognize myself and dealing with the fact that the influences and skills I had weren't what the real world, far from my father and my square meter of comfort, appreciated, and that being pretty wasn't enough..."
How strange it was for him to be having that kind of unexpectedly deep conversation with her and in the middle of a supermarket aisle.
"Reality…", he added.
"And it's very hard, but I don't regret nor would I change what I had to go through, because it forced me to work on myself, on my self-esteem and to not expect to be validated by third parties, because at the end of the day and with whatever circumstance, in order to coexist with others, we have to learn to coexist with ourselves first, Ulrich..."
Barely able to take in what she said, she smiled at him and taking the other package to complete the offer, waved him goodbye.
"We're seeing each other around...", she added, pleased with the product. "You know; in case you need my help to save the world..."
She left and he remained static without being able to avoid thinking that after meeting again with those people from the past, and knowing that it was not healthy to compare himself, he seemed to be the only one who had not advanced even a meter. The only thing that had changed was that when he desperately wanted to be alone and undisturbed, he could no longer, because as simple as that if he did he would no longer have a place to live and food for his stomach.
"Shitty life...".
That his sole purpose was to work to barely survive did make him miserable.
Elizabeth had mentioned that she had needed medical help to resolve her inner conflicts and feeling that he couldn't touch any deeper, he wondered if maybe that would work for him too, and knowing that if he gave it another turn, he would probably give up himself, without another thought, and very haphazardly, he searched his phone and looked for the first shrink he could get an appointment with, and booked it, though it bled his bank account a little. What else did he have to lose...?
He heard over the loudspeaker being called about an incident in the dairy aisle and praying it wasn't a bio-waste episode -he'd encountered and cleaned everything- he was thankful it had only been a burst yogurt and smiled.
"Looks like it's going to be a good day today..."
It had been a long time since he had felt this way and he even felt like he was more energetic to face the workday that was still hours away...
To be continued...
