"Hey Lily," I said. I rubbed my eyes. Am I too fucking high or something? I only had one rollie.

"Long time no see, Luna," Lily said. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you, I'll just go-" She was about to walk away but I pulled her arm, impulsively. What the fuck is she doing here at 2 AM?

"Come inside," I blurted. No, what the fuck am I doing? "Sorry, my house is a bit- yeah, make yourself at home, well as best as you can," I pulled her a chair at the dining table. It was filled with trash. "Sorry about the mess," I said as I sat down too. What the fuck am I doing? "So... umm... How did you found me?" I asked. That was the first thing that came to my mind. I didn't know what to ask.

"I have my ways," Lily replied. I wasn't in the mood that night. I didn't want to do it, I just want to die alone.

I sighed. "Just don't tell anyone, I'm gonna sleep," I got up. I don't have the energy. "You should go home tomorrow, if you take the bus in the noon you'll get to Michigan in 3 days." I blurted out as I fall face first into my couch. "Please don't tell anyone that I'm here, I really don't have the energy to handle them. Or anyone for the matter," I said, I noticed a hint of sadness in my voice, I'm not sad, I already accepted this fate. I just don't want them to know my sorry state.

"I don't want to go back..." Lily sighed. I sat back up fast and I stared at her. What the fuck is wrong with you Lily? I thought to myself.

"No, you're going back to Michigan right fucking now!" I stood up. It's not that I don't want her here, but she said that, I don't want her to be like me. I grabbed her by her arm and just as I was about to drag her out the door, a used pregnancy test kit fell on the floor. I let go of her arm and I picked it up. Positive. She's 15 this year right? "When did you take this?" She didn't reply. I could hear her sniffling. Fuck. "Sis, can you just fucking tell me what's this about?" I grabbed her by her shoulder and sat her back on the chair. "Lily, when did you know? Does anyone else know about this?" I asked her. What the fuck am I doing? I crouched down in front of her. She looked down. I saw the tears dropping down her face.

"Two weeks ago..." Lily replied, she didn't look at me, she just stared down. "No one knows about it..." Lily clenched her fists. "Please don't kick me out Luna... I don't know where to go..." She cried. Fuck. Fuck. FUCK. I need to take a deep breath.

"Okay, I won't kick you out, fuck. Did you at least tell anyone where you're going?" I slapped my face hard. What the fuck am I doing? Damn it.

"No..."

"Wait, did you just left? When the fuck did you leave?" I asked her. Shit. If they filed a missing persons case. Fuck. She's still a minor.

"I ran away last week..." She cried. I gasped. Fuck. Can my day get any worse than this?

"Fucking hell Lily," I stood up fast. Damn it. I went to the master bedroom, and I took out the only method of long range communication in this house, a Nokia N95. "I'm calling Lincoln, I'm gonna take you to the bus hub, let's go!" I yelled at her. I can't deal with this. I went to the contacts and there's only one there, "Call this number when the owner dies" it said. Fuck it. I went back to the living room, I was already pressed dial when Lily came to me begging on the floor.

"PLEASE LUNA! PLEASE DON'T TELL THEM!" She begged, as she cried.

"Hello, Who is this?" I heard a woman's voice come out of the phone. I don't recognize it.

"Sorry, wrong number," I replied and ended the call. Fuck. I sighed. I can't contact them, and they can't contact me. I really don't need this problem right now. "Do you have a phone?" I asked her. I really don't want to go to Michigan, and I really don't want to kick her out. Fuck.

She shook her head no. "I threw it out of the bus when I ran away..." She said. Fuck. Damn it.

"Follow me," I sighed as I pulled her up. I opened the second bedroom door. I never used the room for anything. "The living room's a bit dirty, just stay inside," I sighed. The mattress on the bed still had the plastic on it, I guess I never did slept in the bedrooms. "I'll deal with you tomorrow," I said before going back to the couch. Lily, please don't follow the path I made with drugs and booze. One broken record is enough.

I laid down on my couch, sat my cigarette container on the coffee table, and I closed my eyes. What nightmare will God bestow upon this lost lamb?


7 Years ago, before Sacramento...

I remembered that sweaty summer day. I was in New York with the Moon Goats. We were performing at Irving Plaza. I remembered that day so well. It was 10 minutes after the concert ended when Luan came. She lives there. Luan came backstage, and she had a worried look on her face. Why the fuck did I say those words to her back then? I remembered our conversation so vividly. Why does it have to be the painful stuff that feels vivid?

"Luna, will you come home with me next week, I just got a call from Lynn last night, she told me that dad had cancer," I wish I wasn't so stoned that day. It is weird that I can remember it so well today, but when it happened I don't know what the hell comes out of my mouth. She was serious that day, she didn't make a single joke. "You haven't been home for so long,"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Why the fuck did that came out of my mouth?

"So are you coming back home?" She asked with enthusiasm, I really miss her. Why the fuck was I so stupid?

"Nah, I'm going to Cal Expo," I wish that I didn't go there that fucking day. "Moon Goats got invited to play as the main guest," I didn't even look at her face when I said those things. I remembered what she said afterwards:

"Oh, I see," I wish I could've went back in time to ask for forgiveness. Now I live in constant regret. I remembered her sad footsteps as she left. I didn't even turn around to see her go. I wish I could've gone back and hugged her that day. I was too far gone. I'm crying over spilled milk. I fucking hate myself. Imagine being such an ungrateful cunt, well I don't need to imagine, because I am that ungrateful cunt. I wish the malignant in me grew faster, that way the cops can shoot me dead.


I woke up. I could see the sun shining through the balcony. I looked down to my watch, 11AM. I woke up early today. I yawned. I rubbed my eyes, and I saw the living room. Why is it clean? The mountains of trash and the dirty laundry, where the hell did it go? My ashtray was clean, the broken glass from the TV was gone. What the fuck? I got up, and I saw that the house is actually clean, well cleaner. Did Lily do this? I went to her room, I opened the door and I saw that the room was empty. Where the fuck is she? I went back to the living room, I grabbed my cigarettes and just as I was about to walk to the door, it opened. Lily walked inside, sweating.

"Where the hell did you go?" I asked her. Frantic.

"I cleaned you house, you're welcome," Lily replied as she took her jacket off.

"Umm... thanks..." I didn't know what to say really. Fuck it. Fuck it. "So, what's your plan?" I asked her. I just want to die alone. Please.

"I don't know..." Lily sighed. "I don't want to go home,"

"Just go back to Michigan, Lily, it's not worth it, go back to them, please." I told her.

"If it's so easy, then why don't you?" She looked at me.

"That's compli-" I was about to say it when she yelled at me.

"IF IT'S SO FUCKING EASY, THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU DO IT?!" She yelled. I deserve it. I am a hypocrite. That's not even a theory, it's a fact. I saw the tears falling down her eyes, what the fuck is wrong with me? The first thing I did when I see my sister after years was make her cry. "I'm sorry, I'm just a bit emotional, don't mind me." She wiped her tears off. Fuck. I just don't want someone to see me when I'm gone. Fuck.

"I'm sorry too..." I blurted, fuck it. Fuck everything. "Have you had breakfast?" I suddenly blurted. Damn. What is wrong with me today?

"No," Lily replied. Damn it. I'm gonna go to the bank to cash my check anyways. I went to the master bedroom, and put on another shirt. My bonus check in my day jacket, and my wallet in my pants. I got out of my room, I took out a rollie from my cigarette container, and I sat it on my mouth. I stuffed the container in my jacket, and I walked to the front door.

"Let's go, wear your jacket," I told Lily. She followed me. It's gonna be a long day. Fuck.


Last night, on the other side of the phone call...

The phone rang. "I'll get it!" Jordan said as she picked up the Samsung A23 Lincoln owned. "Hello, who is this?"

"Sorry, wrong number," The caller replied.

"Did they find her, hun?" Lincoln asked.

"Wrong number," Jordan sighed as she placed the phone down. She went to Lincoln, he was stressed. The bags under her eyes were black. He's worried. "It's alright babe, we'll find Lily," Jordan said as she sat down beside Lincoln at the dining table. Everyone was there. Frantically calling everyone they know.

"Yeah, we will," Lincoln replied as he laid his head on Jordan's shoulder. The table had stacks of paper piling up. All of it has Lily's face on it, with a large "MISSING" written in red above her face. "We already lost one sister, I don't want to lose another," Lincoln teared up. His hand shaking from the amount of typing he did. Emailing all of his friends, asking for private detectives. He was stressed.

"We'll find her,"