One thing Jenny became aware of is that Jeepers Creepers, or JC as he preferred to be called, was that he was a 'Swiftie' fan. Blasting out Fearless and Bad Blood, he kept singing out loud car karaoke much to the chagrin of Michael Meyers.

"Can you stop, JC!" Michael scowled. "This ain't American Idol and you're no Kelly Clarkson!"

"You're just jealous that I saw her concert in Las Vegas!" JC stung his tongue as he said it. "Nothing says diva than Taylor Swift!"

"Except for Queen Bee herself, Beyonce!" Michael argued. "She Runs the World!"

"Them's fightin' words, Mike!" JC frowned. "It's Taylor Swift!"

"No Beyonce!"

The pair continued to argue inside the truck as it veered off a secluded dirt road, flashing its headlights at a pair of figures in the middle of their path.

"Look out!" Sadako screamed. "You're gonna hit some pedestrians!"

"Fuck!" JC cursed as he slammed the breaks. "And we're not killing them intentionally!" He rolled his eyes.

The truck stopped abruptly as the pair of figures disappeared into the darkness. Getting out of the truck first, JC looked up to see the mysterious beings flapping around the night sky against the backdrop of a full moon. Michael soon joined him as did Sadako and Jenny.

Michael pointed as the winged figures flew toward them and glowed an aura of brilliant light. Jenny adjusted her vision in the darkness and could make out the radiant beauty of two androgynous beings wearing matching leather jackets, white tees, ripped jeans, and sprouting wings.

"Gabe? Yuri?" Michael addressed the ethereal pair. "What are you doing here?"

"Ready to party for the All Hallows Eve Ball!" The androgynous figure named Yuri said holding up a six pack of beer. "We didn't come empty handed!"

"We delivered several keggers earlier," added their companion Gabe. "This is for us!" They handed a bottle to Michael and JC who bit off the cap with his sharp teeth and downed the alcoholic contents like there was no tomorrow before releasing a loud belch.

"Good stuff!" JC smiled and finished the rest of the contents.

In shock, Jenny stared in awe at the ethereal pair and turned to Michael. "Did you say Gabe and Yuri as in the archangels Gabriel and Uriel?"

Yuri bowed. "The one and only but we prefer to go incognito. Gabe and Yuri are just fine. We don't need the fanfare or the obsessed stalkers following us."

"Fuck those Evangelicals!" Gabe raised his beer bottle in the air.

Confused, Jenny scratched her head. "But I thought angels were supposed to be these heavenly, divine beings of goodness and stuff. I can't believe the most famous ones are imbibing alcohol and socializing with murderers!"

"Propaganda." Yuri explained. "Remember all those religious stories and stuff from the Bible were written by arrogant men who needed to justify committing terrible sins from killing animals and people to starting wars and nearly destroying the planet. But if they use prayers to absolve themselves, then it makes it less heinous and horrible for the deeds they carried out in the name of their personal beliefs."

Still unsure, Jenny probed the pair. "What about the Big Guy upstairs?" She pointed upwards. "Does He…or She care?"

"Sky Person's job is to remain neutral," Gabe informed her. "Humans were given free will and how they use it can be good or bad depending on the choices they make. However, depending on the actions they did in life will determine where they go into the afterlife." The archangel pointed in both directions. "Up or down. It's pretty much the same as they tell you but only the individual who demonstrates those actions, whether positive or negative, end up in the Good Place or the Hot Place."

"Trust me," smirked Yuri. "You don't want the Hot Place. Though partying with our brother, Lucifer, is hellah fun! He throws the best mixers!"

Jenny's mouth dropped. "But I thought Celestials, especially angels, were supposed to be these divine beings of purity and goodness."

"Misnomer," corrected Gabe. "We take no sides. Certainly, we can inspire but humans who worship us seem to miss the memo and do things in our name to hurt others. So, we refuse to be associated with them."

"Our job is simply to observe and take notes," said Yuri. "However, there is nothing in the rule book that says we can't party with them or even throw a rave with demons and monsters! Lord knows, we got punished the last time we got too cozy with mortals."

The teenager's eyes widened. "I'm confused. What happened?"

Sadako stepped in and tossed back her wet, black hair. "Biblical reference. Have you heard of the Nephilim?"

"You mean the horny angels who knocked up human women and gave birth to giants?" Jenny answered. "It certainly rings a bell."

"Uggh," Yuri rolled their eyes. "Don't remind me. Our spoiled younger siblings bumped uglies with some human women who gave birth to giants and we had to smite down those abominations before they destroyed the entire planet."

"You've seen the anime Attack on Titan?" Gabe asked the group. They all nodded. "Now imagine them even bigger, uglier, and stupider! That's Sky Person's biggest shame! That's why they made all the angels eunuchs. We have no genitals, which is a good thing! Wanna see?" They began to unbuckle their belt and unbutton their jeans."

"Nooo!" The group protested, though secretly Sadako was curious, but the Yokai kept it to herself. Gabe refastened and adjusted themselves.

"It's not a bad thing," added Yuri. "We, Celestials, don't have a sex drive or gender. We're non-binary asexuals! I'm sure there's a flag for us somewhere!"

"What about the moral code thing?" Jenny wondered. She pointed to her three monstrous companions. "Surely, this has got to bother you that they kill humans."

"But not in cold blood," corrected Michael. "Remember, I kill racists in the name of vengeance."

"I go after stupid teenagers who are obnoxious," JC jumped in and then paused. "And a few racists."

"I curse influencers if I can on social media," shrugged Sadako. "Or haunt a well, old camcorder, or I-phone because of some idiot ghost hunters like Zak Bagans."

Yuri curled their lips. "It's not like these humans don't deserve what's coming to them. Personally, we're angels. We don't care. Our job is to observe."

"Not unless you're our siblings Nemesis or Michael," noted Gabe. "They're such goody goodies that they love administering justice and revenge. Luckily, they're overseas dealing with several international wars. Conflicts between countries are their thing."

"Us," continued Yuri. "We like to party and, right now, we're running late to the All Hallows Eve Ball."

"Well, we're on our way there," said JC. "Unfortunately, we got lost again in the dark."

"Oh!" Yuri smiled. "You're close." They pointed in the opposite direction. "Another ninety degrees west and just another mile down this dirt road."

"Hop on top then!" Michael told the angels. The pair climbed on top of the truck hood as the rest got back in the vehicle.

Soon they were off.


As the headlights flashed to another dirt path and up a sheltered rural road, Jenny noticed a sign near the end of their path that said Sawyer Funeral Home and Butcher Shop. Immediately, the truck stopped in front of a dilapidated ranch that looked more like an abandoned shack than a funeral business or even a slaughterhouse. Through the dim light of the full moon, she noticed a series of broken buildings and ruined barn nearby as her friends led to the front porch of a creepy looking, large home that appeared to be falling apart.

She hesitated. "Um, are you sure this is the right place? It looks abandoned!"

"No, this is it," Michael reassured her. "This is just to scare off the locals." He knocked on the worn down front door.

A young blonde with piercing blue eyes and expressionless face made of plastic answered. She was wearing a tan baby doll dress and striped leggings.

"Yes?" She addressed the group.

"Hello, little sweetie," smiled Sadako, her white eyes and pale, grotesque face on display. "We're here for the ball."

"Of course, you are!"

Laughter and glee echoed as a woman with curly, dark hair and wearing a rubbery mask and a dark dress appeared at the door next to the little, expressionless girl. She nodded to the group and addressed them. "Michael? Jeepers? Sadako? It's good to see you again!" She peeled off her mask to reveal an exquisite, ageless, beautiful Latina. Her eyes then turned to the angels and finally to Jenny! And you brought two Celestials and an ordinary virgin human!" She clapped her hands that had chipped red nail polish. "Wonderful!" She extended her hand to the teenager. "I'm Mrs. Anne Sawyer, the owner and host of the All Hallows Eve Ball!"

"Um, Jenny." The teenager shook her hand, as she introduced herself. "Forgive me, but I'm surprised that anybody knows about this place."

Mrs. Sawyer laughed. "It's a front, dear. Come in and see!" She said excitedly. The four crossed through the broken door and into a magnificently lit foyer. Amazingly detailed, tiled flooring greeted them as a row of crystal chandeliers lit up the entire place. The interior of the house looked like something from Architectural Digest, detailed, ornate and, more importantly, expensive. "See, I told you! It's an illusion! We keep the outside looking awful to scare away the locals! So far, it's been working!"

The expressionless little girl did a quick dance before performing a cartwheel and retrieving a tray of hors d'oeuvres from the nearby designer end table. "Pigs in a blanket? Lady fingers?"

"You must excuse, M3GAN," apologized Mrs. Sawyer. "Ever since we built our little android servant, she has trouble reading social cues. Think of her as being on the spectrum but not quite human."

"Research shows that proper etiquette dictates serving guest finger foods demonstrates an appreciation of both guests and the host, I suggest tasting one!" M3GAN emphasized as she pushed the tray at Jenny. "I advise trying one."

"Uh, thanks?" Jenny hesitated as she took a lady finger and began to nibble on it. She had to admit the sweetened cream tasted heavenly. "Mmm, delicious. Is this tres leche style?"

Mrs. Sawyer nodded excitedly. "Si! Habla espanol?"

"Poquito," nodded Jenny. "A little. I picked up a few phrases when I worked with some Mexican migrant workers on the farms of the Appalanchians. They were the most hard working and nicest people to work with. They treated me like family. Familia."

The sound of a chainsaw caused Jenny to scream as she dropped her lady finger. She turned to the right of the foyer to see a large muscular main in a dirty soiled apron, wearing a rubbery face mask that looked like flesh, sporting a chainsaw. Mrs. Sawyer scowled.

"Junior!" Their hostess shouted. "No mas! You're scaring the guests!"

"Whoops sorry!" The hulking man named Junior answered, turning off the chainsaw. "I was going to start carving the ice sculpture. I guess I got too excited." He yanked off his fleshy, rubber mask to reveal a chiseled, handsome man of Hispanic descent.

"Leatherface!" JC opened up his scaly arms, offering an embrace. "Primo!"

The teen's mouth opened wide in surprise. "Leatherface? As in thee Leatherface? The famous serial killer of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre?"

"The one and only," smiled Sadako. "Except the only massacre was toward the hateful, bigoted, racists that attempted to steal their land."

Mrs. Sawyer nodded head in agreement. "Si. Our real name isn't Sawyer. It's Suarez, but the gringos prefer to do only business with people with Anglo names so mi familia changed it. My ancestors migrated from Mexico to Haddonfield and purchased the land fair and square. However, what the town council didn't know was that there was oil on our property so not only did we strike it rich but the government had to pay us land rights to use it. This made the officials angry that immigrants had money so they've been terrorizing us for years to strip away our rights and steal our land so we created the serial killer Leatherface persona to scare them away. So far, it's worked."

Jenny raised her brows. "So this whole cannibal thing is a lie?"

Mrs. Sawyer, aka Suarez, and Junior, aka Leatherface, laughed. "Cannibals?" Mrs. Sawyer scoffed. "Eww. That practice went out with the Aztecs." She looked at JC. "Jeepers Creepers is at least an Aztec demon that practices it for survival."

"And even then," added JC. "I don't eat innocents, just stupid, obnoxious teenagers and monster hunters. The Sawyers and I are distant cousins but we at least hold up a code of honor to killing."

"The skin masks are not from living corpses." Junior explained. "We own a funeral home too. Before we cremate the dead, we sometimes remove the organs and epidermis from the bodies for preservation and sell them to medical schools and labs for research. Sometimes we sell the whole cadaver and just fill the urns with dirt. Waste not. Want not." He shrugged. He placed back the skin mask on to his face. "It's not like the body is going to care."

"The only victims we claim were the stupid teenagers and their evil police officer parents and government officials that tried to kill us for our land," noted Mrs. Sawyer. "It's an eye for an eye, I say. Hasta la vista, baby!"

Though shocked by the killings, Jenny had to admit she was not surprised.

Their hostess grabbed the teen's hand and led her and the group to an even bigger door. "Come! It's the All Hallows Eve Ball! We're celebrating!" She slid the doors in opposite directions to reveal an even massive hall, filled with elaborate Halloween decor, food, and included a deejay. The group entered as Jenny was filled with wonderment as demons, monsters, and killers gathered, socialized, and ate as if everything seemed like a normal holiday event.

Sadako whispered in Jenny's ear. "Wait for it." She told her. "It's going to get even crazier…" She stopped.

Jenny noticed and questioned her new friend. "Sadako, what is it?"

The Yokai pointed to the corner of the room as another pale, Asian girl with long, dark hair began croaking like a frog and contorting on top of the ceiling. At the bottom of the corner, a pale, blue little boy in his underwear began mewing like a cat.

"I can't believe that bitch is here!" Sadako hissed. "And she stole my look!"

"Huh?" The teen asked even more confused.

A tap on her shoulder made her turn to hunky Michael. "That's Kayako. Another vengeful, Japanese Yokai. Short story, housewife murdered by husband and now curses and haunts old houses with a Grudge. Similar M. O. to Sadako but Sadako had the idea first. They're bitter rivals."

The Yokai Kayako jumped down in front of Sadako and smirked as she flipped her long, black hair to the side. "Sadako! Riding on my cursed coattails again I see!"

"Fuck you!" Sadako snapped. "You're the one obsessed with me!" She pointed to the half naked boy in the corner. "Even your little pussy boy there isn't original! At least, my kills are specially crafted and different! All you got is some haunted house schtick!"

"At least I'm not outdated!" Kayako stuck out her tongue. "Videotapes and DVD's are now obsolete, sister! All you got is some smelly, swamp water well to haunt!"

"I still have a social media presence!" Sadako defended. "I'm an influencer!"

"Influence this!" Kayako as she spun her head and began making croaking froggy noises.

"DANCE FIGHT BATTLE!" Leatherface proclaimed. "CALL OUT THE SUSPIRIA MOTHERS!"

Suddenly, a crowd gathered in a circle around Sadako and Kayako as a trio of scantily clad, and naked old lady witches named Mother Tenebrarum, Mother Lachrymarum, and Mother Suspriorum began singing.

"Dance Fight Battle?" Jenny whispered to JC. "What's that?"

"Watch and learn," snickered Jeepers Creepers.

Instantly, the music began and so did the witch threesome as they sang.


Sadako is pushed down the well, well (oh oh oh)

Turned into a Yokai for a spell, spell (can't you tell by)

A cursed videotape, see the Ring and vape

Share this with friends. Sacrifice them in the end (oh oh oh)

What's going on with the TV?

Why is that ghost girl coming after me? (Eeek!)

She's coming out of the screen, she's crawling

She's crawling after me. It's alright. It's alright…

Just curse! Never gonna be okay. Ri..Ri..Ring..Ringu

Just curse! See this tape, babe? Ri..Ri..Ring..Ringu

Just curse. Never gonna be okay. C..C..Curse

Curse. Curse. J..J..J..Just Curse.


As per the lyrics, Sadako made her movements first as she did a zombie walk and crawled across the floor as if she had just come out of the well. Despite her best efforts, sadly the Yokai was a bit stiff with her choreography.

Next came Kayako as the Three Mother witches sang.


Kayako's hubby wanted to shut her complaining mouth (oh oh oh)

Murdered her and their child without a doubt (no doubt, right?)

Rage and a Grudge is born, this haunted house has thorns, they say

And we hear meowing cats and frogs tonight (oh oh oh)

Why is Kayako crawling across the floor?

She's performing Cirque du Soleil some more

She's trying to be better and cool

She'll haunt you alright. Alright.

Just curse! Never be okay. Gr..Gr..Gru...Grudge

Just curse. A haunted house, babe! Gr..Gr..Gru..Grudge

Just curse. Never be okay. C..C…Curse

Curse. Curse. J..J..J..Just Curse.


Unfortunately, Kayako proved to be the better acrobat. Apparently, years of being a contorting, vengeful spirit made her more adept at movement as she gracefully spun her head, her body and her limbs into some beautiful shapes and snapped back into her original form. Defeated, Sadako stomped her feet, and frustratedly stomped off into the crowd as Kayako enjoyed the attention of her adoring crowd.

JC sighed. "I'll check on her." He disappeared among the guests leaving Jenny alone with Michael.

"So?" The gorgeous serial killer smiled. "You enjoying the party?"

Jenny blushed at being so close to him. "Yeah, but I'll admit it's a bit overwhelming. I never realized that killing is justified, especially if you're doing it for the right reasons. It changes your whole perspective." She scanned to the corner of the room to see the two archangels, Gabe and Yuri, hosting a drinking game with the monstrous guests. "Even the angels are not what I expected."

Michael nodded. "No one does. Society always teaches us that everything has to be black and white. There is no gray area. What about the slaves that were abused and killed in Haddonfield by their white masters? The black townspeople falsely accused and lynched in this town? Don't they get a say? What about the indigenous that had their land colonized and taken away? Don't they deserve justice? Even the Sawyers, excuse me Suarez family, and their years of protecting their land. They were justified in committing atrocious acts in order to protect you. If anyone has been wronged, it's the people that are in attendance at this party."

The teen shrugged. "I hear what you're saying but that human compassion is still eating away at me. Maybe it's my conscience."

"Let me fix that," smiled Michael. He cupped her chin and brought her close to her lips. The moment they kissed her stomach danced. She closed her eyes and enjoyed it.

Once again, the reality set in and she pulled away as she blushed. "Uh, yeah, we really shouldn't have done that. I mean I'm a teenager. You're an adult. This is wrong on so many levels!" Despite the fact that she is a 30 year old actress that is playing a teenager in this fanfic but again a red flag on this scenario. "It's just not right."

Michael exhaled. "Yeah, but again I'm a serial killer who is morally gray and I would have to meet your parents and ask them permission to date you and we will have to take things slow and you have to graduate high school…"

Jenny lifted her brows and stopped him. "Hold on there, Mikey! Let's just start with getting to know each other first and we can go from there. I mean I'm mortal here so I'm still trying to navigate how to date an immortal monster. Give it some time, pal!"

Michael smiled back and nodded. "Agreed." He was about to continue when Mrs. Sawyer addressed the crowd, bringing attention to her.

"Dearest killers, monsters, demons, comrades, and friends!" The hostess announced. "The time has come to introduce our featured entertainment tonight! You've been waiting for them! Straight from the Hellraiserscape of the Underworld…"

"Dr. Pinheadfurter!"

A huge curtain opened to reveal the androgynous Pinhead in their full glory!


Author's Note: This obviously a parody of Lady Gaga's song Just Dance.