Chapter 37 – Heavenly Fire
"Close your eyes," Jace ordered in a demanding voice.
I sighed loudly and rolled my eyes but complied when I saw the seriousness in his eyes. If that made him feel any better ... The icy wind was still blowing through my hair, and I was sure I'd have to brush out a knot or two tonight. I should have followed Isabelle's example and put my hair in a braid.
The quiet breathing of the siblings alone testified to their presence only a few centimeters away from me. Jace's sudden urge for action had silenced them and I felt her eyes on me. Keeping my eyes closed was agony. Not knowing what was happening around me was unbearable and I could feel my fingers tingling. It bothered me that I wasn't able to read the emotions on their faces, let alone hear their movements.
"Now answer me a question," Jace continued, distracting me from the feeling of helplessness coursing through my veins. A warrior's urge to use all his senses at all times. "What is your deepest desire?"
"Here's a counter question: What kind of stupid question is that?" I asked like a shot. Isabelle giggled. Somehow I was sure Jace didn't find that very funny. I couldn't help it. When had my dearest desires become his business? Since when did we know each other so well or were we so close that I would give him such an intimate glimpse of my thoughts?
Jace snorted in exasperation. "Just answer the question," he answered harshly, but caught himself and suddenly sounded embarrassed, as if he'd remembered that maybe he hadn't given me such an easy task after all. "Or let's do it differently. Just think hard about it. The first thing that comes to your mind at the question. Concentrate on that with all your might."
I shrugged and pressed my lips together. It must have been an unusual gesture from the outside, considering my still closed eyes. Then suddenly someone touched my left hand, long, slender fingers brushed mine and then a cool, pointed object lay on my palm. A stele. It wasn't the shape that gave it away, but the energy that flowed into my body just from the touch. As if a magnet was anchored deep in my chest.
So I should think of my deepest desire. Bring it before my eyes and concentrate on it as much as possible. I hesitated for a moment. What was my deepest wish anyway? Did I have any wishes at all? I had interests and aspirations, but desires? During my time with my family, when everything had seemed to be in the best of order, I had been perfectly happy. And for the past few weeks, I'd been too busy with what was going on around me to worry about such almost mundane questions. Desires were a child's construct, not something that got you any further in reality.
The first thing that comes to mind at the question. What was my deepest wish? I squeezed my eyelids tighter, trying to forget the garden around me for a moment, the living, breathing people beside me, and the burdens on my shoulders. I tried to isolate my soul from my body, just as Ithuriel had done to summon me. I went deeper into my consciousness.
The first thing I saw were Jonathan's green eyes. Then his face became the focus of the picture and I wasn't sure if it was an actual memory or just a made up scene of my imagination. For a second Jonathan smiled, in the next something flashed in his pupils and they turned the color of pitch-black darkness. His smile twisted into a sadistic grin. "Erchomai, I am coming." The Mortal Sword gleamed in his right hand. The holy blade's hilt was soaked in crimson blood. Like his eyes, the sword had stopped reflecting the light. Screams reached my ears from far away, agonizing screams of dying beings begging for mercy. Infinite sorrow. Infinite Death. No way out. No escape unless ... Suddenly there was someone else. A smaller, more delicate person standing in Jonathan's way. Long red hair, battle gear, a flaming sword in her hand, which she now held high toward the sky, as if the sword drew its power directly from heaven. A single rune was emblazoned on the side of the hilt, pointing toward the atmosphere.
My body leaned forward. It was an instinct I didn't know, yet it swelled inside me as if it had always been there. As if it had waited for someone to wake it up. Then my shivering fingers moved across the cold lawn. They drew the rune without knowing if it would have any effect on the ground. The stele glowed in my hand, vibrating with every sweep of the rune and pulsing to the rhythm of my heart. A single breath escaped my throat as my arm stopped.
For what felt like an eternity, absolutely nothing happened. I still had my eyes closed and could hear the tense listening of the others who, like me, had leaned forward. Just when I feared that my subconscious had been playing tricks on me, the world around me burst into flames. A light so bright it burned my retina even with my eyes closed. An all-encompassing searing heat spread down the front of my body and a flickering hiss, like that of a jet of flame, whipped up.
As if from afar, I could hear Isabelle screeching in shock. My eyes snapped open and for a moment all I saw was a sea of fire. An eerie dance of gold and green flames rose before me, and I felt like I was already lost. Still, I couldn't help but smile. It spread across my face without my having any control over it. Again, it was more instinct than conscious action. All I knew was that I had created this supernatural fire and that it was capable of destroying worlds. I was so smitten that I didn't realize how close I actually was to it.
Something tugged at my arm, shaking my body, and the trance left my head like a rubber that had lost its tension. Someone was pulling me away from the flames, toward the trees, and with every step I took I took a closer look at the fire. I'd been so close I thought it was huge, but it was no more than a jet of flame. With every breath it lost more and more of its luminosity and strength.
I was turned sideways, and the fire slipped from my attention. My legs stumbled on the uneven ground, and I reached out to break the impending fall. It wasn't until Jace's face appeared right in front of my own that I realized I wasn't falling. My fingers gripped his battle gear and for a moment we staggered across the lawn, trying to find our balance. Jace's wide eyes, which had just met mine, darted to my shoulder. Without explanation, his hand reached out and he tugged at my hair. A growl escaped my throat, taking it for an attack on his part, even though my hair wasn't a particularly smart target. My fingers dug through the gear into his skin, ready to slash open with my nails as I felt the heat emanating from me. Confused, I followed Jace's gaze and finally understood what he was actually trying to do. He had his fist closed around one of my strands and all I could see before he doused the fire my hair had caught was a spurt of green sparks that burned his skin. They reminded me a bit of Magnus Bane's magic.
Jace hissed once as the fire touched his hand. Then it was extinguished. I still had my fingers dug into his gear and didn't feel secure enough on my feet to let go. We just stood there for a moment, clinging to each other. Speechless. I could see the surprise on his face. Like me, he must have expected a lot, but not this … fire.
"By the Angel," Isabelle cried, and a loud, trembling laugh escaped her that sounded only half amused. "I thought you were exaggerating when you talked about the angelic power, but now I get it. That was … amazing!" Her brown eyes widened, and an adventurous grin spread across her face.
"Are you alright?" Jace asked quietly, slowly pulling away from me.
I forced my fingers to relax around his chest to release him. I took an unsteady step in Isabelle's direction before regaining my balance, overwhelmed by what had just happened. Finally, I nodded in Jace's direction. "That's the problem with the angelic power. You don't know what will come of it in the end."
"Because we don't know how to handle it," Jace replied, appearing next to me. I glanced back and forth between him and Isabelle in confusion. Then my eyes wandered to where the monstrous flame had just shot up into the sky.
The fire was gone, melting any snow that had been within a few yards. Where it had raged, the grass was burned to the ground, as were our cloaks. It gave me goosebumps to think that I'd been sitting right there just moments before.
"At least now we know Jace's way works," Alec said, poking uncertainly at the remains of one of the cloaks with one of his blades.
"So it's true that you can make up runes," Isabelle remarked, fascinated and excited, as if wanting a second try.
"I still don't understand. I didn't think about fire," I mumbled half-heartedly while looking across the lawn at the house. I should be as excited about this progress as she was, but somehow I just didn't find the strength to take an interest in it. The rune had cost me quite a bit of strength and I could feel the headache slowly making itself felt at the edges of my consciousness. "And I didn't expect this scale."
"None of us have," Alec remarked, sounding more surprised than annoyed. Realizing that he would not be able to save his cloak, he sheathed the sword.
"What were you thinking about?" Jace asked now, almost hesitantly, as if unsure if I would give him a reasonable answer. He was still standing next to me and hadn't moved a bit since then. I could feel his body next to me and the energy emanating from him.
I turned slightly towards him to look at him and he returned my gesture. His golden eyes studied me neutrally, unlike just where interest and joy had dominated his facial expressions. "About Jonathan," I said without hesitation and now he raised his eyebrows in astonishment. "The fact that the world must be saved from him."
"Your deepest desire is to kill your brother?" Alec blurted out in surprise and I flinched from his words as if he had hit me. Being the perceptive Shadowhunter that he was, he noticed, and the guilt that crossed his face let me know he immediately regretted it.
"Alec!" Isabelle yelled, giving her brother a rough slap in the side. Even Jace, who never had anything good to say about Jonathan, gave his Parabatai a sharp look.
"The fire," Alec continued, oblivious to what was going on inside me. Or maybe he was ignoring it on purpose. In one way or another I was grateful to him for that. "What was that?"
I just shrugged and turned my back to them. Would I make a normal sound if I forced my tongue to speak? "At least I've never seen anything like it," Jace said, and again I could feel his presence behind me. Like a warm campfire in the fireplace that you turned your back on without forgetting it was there. "It's certainly nothing earthly. If it's like Clary describes, then it must be something that could defeat Jonathan."
"But why would we need supernatural fire to defeat him? Can't we just … kill him normally?" Isabelle's apologetic gaze burned on the back of my neck, but I didn't turn to her. I was still staring at the house, trying to get Jonathan's image out of my head.
"Clary tried to kill him once before," Jace reminded her. "In New York, she hit him square in the heart with a dagger and he survived. It hardly bothered him."
"So not only is he faster and stronger than a typical Shadowhunter, but he's also immortal?" The theatrical panic in Isabelle's voice had risen dramatically.
"Nearly immortal," Jace corrected dryly. His blond hair flew around his ears and he had trouble brushing the loose strands out of his face again. "But this fire could turn the tables."
"But I can't think of a scenario where Jonathan just slips and accidentally falls into a giant golden flame," Alec remarked, almost ironically. Both Isabelle and Jace seemed puzzled by his reply. They had the weapon, but how could it be used?
"He doesn't have to," I uttered hoarsely, noticing movement in the distance at that moment. Someone was on the porch of the house. From a distance and without a farsight rune, I couldn't make out who it was. But when the person spotted us, it walked towards us with purposeful steps. "The fire can also be captured in objects."
"Where–" Jace started, but he faltered when he saw the person walking towards us. "What the hell is he doinghere?"
With he Jace meant Adam, who was halfway across the meadow and now pulled back the hood of his cloak so we could see his face. His combed brown hair was ruffled by the wind, but he didn't seem to mind. A slight smile spread across his soft features and he stopped a meter in front of me. "Hello everyone."
Isabelle and Alec had now also turned to Adam. While Alec looked surprised at his unexpected visit, his sister returned his smile. In one quick movement, she stalked to my side and waved. "Hi Adam, missing your Institute friends already?"
"Definitely," he replied, smiling slightly. Sometimes I forgot that they had known each other for a long time. Then Adam's green eyes turned to me. "I'm here because I wanted to talk to Clary."
"We're busy right now," Jace said, appearing on my other side. I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye. His face had darkened. He made an effort to look everywhere but at me.
"I see that," Adam replied, his attention shifting to our burned coats. "I hope you guys aren't planning anything crazy."
I rolled my eyes at his words and remembered the resentment I still held towards him. Because of his protective instinct, which he could never turn off. "Let's talk." Any emotion from before had drained from my voice and I tried to sound uninterested. My features were devoid of any emotion that had taken my breath away moments before. Without further ado, I stepped up to him, grabbed the fabric of his coat, and dragged him a few steps away from the others. I turned back to them over my shoulder. "Just continue with training." Whatever that meant.
Adam and I walked a little way across the meadow until the Lightwood stables appeared in the distance ahead of us. Now the others wouldn't be able to hear us anymore. With my arms crossed, I turned to Adam, who eyed me warily. Over his shoulders I could see Alec, Jace, and Isabelle still watching us. "What's up?"
"We should talk things out." Adam sighed and ran his hands through his hair, which had turned the color of the dark tree trunks around us. "I know I've been behaving wrong towards you. I was worried, like any friend would have been. I didn't think it would upset you so much, and now that I've thought about it a little longer, I realize I must have overreacted a bit."
"Indeed, you did," I replied curtly.
"I didn't want to deprive you of anything, Clary. All I wanted was for you not to be overwhelmed by the Clave's harshness when they voted on your mother's funeral. You don't know it that well and I wanted to tell you slowly."
"But I'm not that kind of person," I replied, dropping my arms and starting to walk back and forth in front of him. The memories of our fight didn't make it any easier to control my anger. "I can take the truth, Adam. I'm strong enough for it."
"I know that." We were silent for a few minutes and Adam watched me walk through the melting snow with growing concern. "Our friendship is still young. We hardly know each other. I can't judge you hundred percent and know how you will behave in certain situations. I simply applied my general knowledge of human nature to you in the hope of doing you some good."
My legs came to rest under me and for a moment my back was to him. I leaned my head back and stared at the sky. Small, white clouds covered parts of the infinite blue. The sun was warm on my skin, fighting the chill of the wind. Individual birds flew back and forth between the rooftops of neighboring properties, which could be seen in the distance. A peaceful sight. peace to be preserved. Peace I had to find with myself first if I was to stand up for it.
"You're right," I finally said, looking back at Adam. My hair blew in the wind and my body cast a shadow on his face. The sun's light shone down my shoulders onto his feet, and he had to squint to see me. "We haven't known each other that long. You couldn't have known how I would react."
"Does that mean you forgive me?" Adam's voice took on a more hopeful tone and he stepped closer to me.
I tilted my head slightly and frowned thoughtfully. "We are friends. Friends argue. That's part of it, I think."
"You don't know how relieved I am," Adam admitted and a second later he had pulled me towards him and wrapped his arms around my shoulders. The hug didn't last long, barely a few seconds, and yet it touched me. A laugh erupted in my throat as I patted his arm. Our eyes met and we smiled at each other.
"Not having you around was weird, especially with everything that had happened, but I was really mad at you," I admitted, rocking back and forth on the balls of my feet. Then I rolled my eyes and smiled. "So much has happened that I would have liked to talk about with someone who doesn't already live under the same roof with me and who knows everything anyway, whether I want to or not."
Adam's enthusiasm, which I had actually missed, flared up in his emerald green eyes. He reminded me of the time at the New York Institute and our first encounters "Tell me everything."
I told Adam a lot, most, but not all. Some tiny details I skipped, like the conversation between me and Jace or the fact that somehow, we seemed to be more and more on the same wavelength. It didn't seem wise to tell others about these things. The more time Adam spent with us, the more he would notice things for himself. It felt wrong to tell him about it, even if I couldn't place the instinct in my chest.
"So you think you can defeat Jonathan with your rune," Adam remarked thoughtfully after I'd finished. We slowly walked back towards the others, who had now started throwing daggers at the tree trunks. I couldn't hold back a meaningful look in Isabelle's direction. Didn't you have a better idea? She shrugged and her eyes said everything I needed to know. A better camouflage didn't occur to me spontaneously. "But why are you so focused on him? Wouldn't it be better to find a rune that might ... neutralize the Mortal Sword or something?"
"The Mortal Sword has time. Its carriers are the real problem. My father is mortal. If I can take him out, Jonathan is still there. And since it's not that easy to kill him, I have to think of a surefire way before we face each other", I explained shortly and grabbed one of the daggers from Adam's belt. I weighed it in my hand and then nodded. Noble steel, best forging quality. Adam raised his hand and tried to grab the dagger. Before he could even shift his weight forward, I spun around and let the blade fly. The hiss of the metal brought a grin to my lips.
"Showoff." Adam smirked and rolled his eyes. Alec and Jace reflexively turned to face us as the dagger dug into their training tree. If they were startled, they didn't show it. Jace narrowed his eyes like he'd bitten a sour apple. The friendly version of himself had vanished as quickly as it had appeared. Adam turned to me and drew my attention back to him. He looked worried. "Are you sure that there's no other way to bring Jonathan to his senses than to kill him? Isn't there a way to undo what your father did to him?"
For a moment, I couldn't breathe. Something pressed against my chest, so powerful I saw stars for the blink of an eye. "In the vision Ithuriel showed us, Lilith sounded quite definitive when she warned my father about the side effects of her blood. You couldn't just take the angelic blood from Jace and me either. It's part of us. My brother is already dead," I breathed, noticing my feet carrying me back a few steps. They faltered and Adam noticed. Another reflex, but this time one to flee. "I have no choice but to kill the demon that lives within him. Either I kill him, or he kills me. And when I'm dead, he won't stop. He will come for you and the rest of the world next."
"You think he'll come for you before your father starts the actual war?" Isabelle concluded from my words. She'd stopped throwing knives and joined us, arms crossed over her chest because it was pretty chilly without a coat. Her eyes darted back and forth between Alec and me, and an increasingly horrified look entered her gaze. Was she imagining having to kill Alec if he and Jonathan swapped places? To an outsider it must have seemed unimaginable. I could hardly imagine it myself.
"I know it," was all I said, turning my head away from them, unable to hide my emotional distress from them for a minute longer. Erchomai, I am coming. Oh yes, Jonathan would come to kill me. Or maybe he would let me live long enough to watch this world burn. As punishment for my betrayal.
For a long moment the weight of those destructive three words dominated. The devastating silence that followed made the howling wind sound louder. Even Jace and Alec had stopped moving.
"We won't let that happen," Isabelle said firmly. As if we were a team. As if it were a fact set in stone that we would fight side by side until the end of the world.
An almost sad smile crept onto my lips as I looked into Isabelle's eyes. A warm feeling spread in my chest. Gratitude for this friendship. Happiness that there was someone who cared about me. Defeat because I knew that none of this would mean anything. "I wish it was so simple. He is cunning and forced to be strategic. He'll pick a time when I least expect it. He needs to catch me in a moment of weakness because I'm his equal."
"If I were him, I would just break into your room at night," Isabelle blurted out, not seeming particularly proud of her comment.
"Yes," I murmured, grimacing in dissatisfaction. She raised her eyebrows in astonishment. "I think that's highly likely. If he has access to my father's spies, he knows there aren't many ways he can catch me alone and unprepared."
"You say that calmly, as if we weren't discussing a potential murder attempt by your brother." Isabelle shuddered and rubbed her upper arms in response.
"You know he's coming and you're not doing anything about it?" Adam intervened again. "You just accused me of worrying too much, but apparently that's entirely justified. That is negligent!"
"That's not negligent," I replied seriously and eyed him closely. I felt the eyes of the others following our conversation. "If it happens, then it happens. I don't have many options other than giving up my sleep."
"Do you even have a weapon?" Adam replied, throwing up his hands. "Or a stele?"
"Oh yes, why don't I just ask the Inquisitor personally if she could assign some of her bodyguards to keep watch in my room?" I hissed the words at Adam, and he stiffened increasingly. "Because no one in this stupid city cares if I wake up with my throat slit. Half the people would be happy if that happened, no matter who's responsible."
"You know that's a lie," he murmured, reaching out for me, but I flinched from his touch.
Isabelle pushed to my side, forcing me to look at her. Over her head I could make out Jace, something like anger flickering in his eyes. Why he was angry again was a mystery to me. He had no right to feel anything like that. Not at this moment.
"It's not a lie," Isabelle sighed, grabbing my hands that were clenched into fists. Slowly she tried to unfold them. "Clary's right. We all know that."
"I really have every bit of respect for the Inquisitor, but I don't think she handled you the right way from the start," Adam said, giving Jace a long, dark look.
"What do you mean by that?"
"First of all, it is not the Inquisitor's job to torture teenagers. No matter what personal, family grudges she has against you," Adam then answered my question. "The handling of your entire stay and what you had to endure is shaped by her subjectivity. Her feelings for your father are clouding her judgment."
I opened my mouth to agree when Jace suddenly spoke up. "The Inquisitor didn't torture anyone, Adam. It's called an interrogation. You overdramatize as always." He spat the words at Adam's feet. He obviously felt personally offended by his accusation, even though it was aimed solely at his grandmother. But I wasn't surprised. Jace was always defensive when it came to his parents.
"Taking Clary before the Clave was mental torture, not to mention she was in physical pain as well. Plus, it was a humiliation in front of a society that already largely despised her," Adam replied matter-of-factly, without breaking his impassive expression for even a second. "The Inquisitor knows full well that Valentine has spies in Alicante. She just wanted to give him the news that his daughter is paying for his sins. Did you think that was fair?"
"Since when is torture supposed to be fair?" Alec asked now, also stopping throwing his knives.
"Stop it Alec," Isabelle said, giving her brother a warning look. "Adam is right. Imogen has been hitting Clary with random punishments or demands ever since she arrived. Clary might have willingly told her about her gift if Imogen hadn't been so hostile. It's not that I didn't understand it at the beginning. But by now … Clary is innocent, and Imogen knows it, she just doesn't care. It's just her personal agenda against Valentine."
My eyes darted between Isabelle, Adam, Jace, and Alec, who faced each other like a cold war front. I sighed and took a step towards Adam to tug on his arm. Again, he tried to play the protector. We had just talked about it. "Such discussions get nowhere, Adam."
"But they should," Adam said, now turning to me. A fire burned in his green eyes and my throat tightened. "Everyone here knows you're innocent. Everyone here knows you've been through hell for the past few weeks. It bothers me that they pretend to be your friends when in fact they support the Inquisitor's actions."
A hoarse laugh left my throat. "Actually, Isabelle is my only friend and I know she doesn't feel that way."
"Thank you," Isabelle's melodramatic voice cut through the awkward silence that followed my words. She lunged towards me and hugged me in an almost silly move that wafted her fruity perfume over to me. Isabelle was truly in a caliber of her own. I couldn't help but smile, which might have been inappropriate given the current situation. "Really Adam, you're such a drama queen," she then whispered in his direction, crossing her arms over her chest.
Adam just shrugged. "It's the truth."
"Okay, enough truth for one day, that's all I can take," I said then, clapping my hands. "By the way, I told Adam about the fire, so you guys can stop this tragedy of a training."
"I'll see what I can find in the library," Jace murmured in a neutral voice. His eyes were fixed on the ground between us, and you could tell he was struggling to control his expression. Whatever was going on inside him.
"Not necessary," Adam chimed in, raising a hand in the air. "The term you are looking for is heavenly fire."
"You know it?" I raised my eyebrows in astonishment. Heavenly fire. It fit. "What do you know about it?"
"Not much, to be honest." Adam shrugged, walked to the tree to yank the dagger I'd just thrown from the trunk, then turned around, smiling. He seemed to enjoy the attention, the many pairs of eyes following him while he was the only one with the vital information. "There are some legends about it. No one really knows how to create it, but it's said to be able to burn demons and evil."
"Then that'll be it," I said, nodding, feeling like I was falling into a deep, bottomless pit. Demonic and evil. There was nothing left of Jonathan.
"Hey." Adam squeezed my arm, and his smile was no less sad than I felt. "I know how difficult this is for you. We don't have to get down to the plan for execution right away. You know the rune and that's enough for now."
"Adam's right," Isabelle whispered, still standing next to me and only seeming to reinforce the barrier with Alec and Jace. The two seemed somehow out of place. "Jonathan isn't going to show up here tomorrow."
"Hopefully", I murmured as I slowly walked away from the group, leaving them to whatever they were up to. I was done. There was no strength left in my veins to think about killing my brother anymore. There was no strength left to do anything at all.
Erchomai, I am coming. Again, my eyes went to the sky. As if they were looking for something that wasn't yet on the horizon. I hoped Jonathan would take his time. I would need it to prepare for him.
oOo
"Can we talk for a minute?"
No light penetrated the hallway and even the wooden floor, which used to make a suspicious creaking noise, remained dead silent, so it took me a moment to locate him.
Jace leaned against the closed library door. He was just a blur in the darkness and without his steady breathing I probably wouldn't have noticed him. "You almost sound like Adam."
Adam was the reason I only now, late at night, climbed the stairs to the second floor to go to sleep. After the practice, which ended in a rather awkward discussion about justice between Adam and Jace, we had walked around Alicante for a while. It had been nice to update each other. To think about something normal for once. It was good to know that Adam was still my friend and supportive of me.
Jace gave a snort and then took a few steps forward. He had changed again. His hands were buried deep in the pockets of his black sweatpants. He lowered his head slightly and looked at me thoughtfully with his golden eyes. "It's not much, don't worry. I just wanted you to know that I don't support what my grandmother did to you."
I was still standing on the landing, my hand resting casually on the banister. Now I was glad to be able to support myself somewhere. "But you supported her."
"I have," Jace admitted, dropping his gaze. "But I told you before that I've changed my mind."
"Then why do you feel the need to tell me again?" I then asked, my voice colder than intended.
"Because I defended her today and I think you misunderstood my words."
"I think I understood them quite well," I replied, making moves to push past him to reach my room. He had probably placed himself in the middle of the aisle on purpose. "Listen, Jace, you don't have to apologize for your world views. I honestly don't care. But stop trying to justify yourself to me afterwards. Empty words waste both of our time."
"I had to defend her. What would you have done if– … no, that's not a good example." Jace let out a frustrated sigh into the silence between us. "What she did to you was wrong."
"It wasn't just wrong," I hissed at him. The faint memories of the interrogation made my cheeks flush with shame. "It was humiliating and condescending, and I didn't deserve that. Even if I was who you thought I was, that would have been nauseating."
"I know," Jace murmured back with the same sharpness. Goading him was so easy. "I knew that back then, even if I didn't care at the time."
"Then why do you care now?"
"Do you want me to repeat everything I said to you last time?" Jace asked, clearly beginning to regret starting this conversation. He didn't get to the point.
"No, but I still don't get it," I explained, shrugging and raising my hands in the air. "I don't understand you. Sometimes everything seems okay between us, but then you act strange or say things that are not okay."
"Believe me, Clary, if I understood myself, you'd be the first I would tell. Until then, you'll have to come to terms with it." A deep breath escaped his throat. "Actually, I wanted to talk to you about something completely different."
"Maybe you should just do that too, because I'm getting impatient," I remarked, trying to sound bored.
"I can't undo what you went through because of the Inquisitor but let me try to make things right. At least a little bit," Jace said, the words coming out of his mouth quickly and almost incomprehensibly, as if he didn't have the strength to keep his thoughts to himself anymore. I could still barely make out his wiry frame in the dark, and for a split second I feared that this was just some stupid dream or hallucination and that the real Jace was about to throw open his bedroom door to see who was making such a fuss. "Let me prove that I don't think like that anymore, that I've changed my mind."
I hesitated and pressed my lips together. So, a peace offer? The second within a week. "And how are you going to do that?"
"This afternoon you claimed to Adam that Isabelle is your only friend here," Jace continued, shrugging as if apologizing in advance for something he didn't do yet. He looked down as if he couldn't bear to look into my eyes anymore. "That got me thinking. Did you mean it?"
"Of course, I meant it, why should I lie? Adam was my friend from the day we first met and with Isabelle it evolved over time because she was able to accept the truth. Alec was never my friend and probably never will be, he's made that abundantly clear to me in New York, but that's another story." I hesitated again, my eyes scanning his face, the way he just shoved his hands deeper into his pockets. In this pose he seemed much smaller than he actually was. "And you ... I'm not even sure we could ever be friends."
"Am I too boring for you?" A mock grin spread on Jace's lips, and he tilted his head slightly to the side. It didn't change the fact that I could see through his walls. It's been surprisingly easy for me lately, although I felt like he was revealing more than usual. Something in the gold of his eyes flickered uneasily.
"It has nothing to do with you personally. We can't change our origins, Jace. We … are not on the same side."
"Now you're exaggerating," Jace said, taking his hands out of his pockets and crossing them over his chest. Now that he had straightened up to his true size, he was looking down at me. The distinctive facial features distorted into a critical expression.
I shrugged but didn't reply. We just stood there for a while, avoiding each other's stares. I was already thinking of a polite way to slip past Jace when he cleared his throat. "I want to try."
"What?" I was so engrossed in my plan that I had lost the thread.
Jace raised an eyebrow, and I scratched my head in embarrassment. His face remained serious as he continued, looking lost. "I want to try being friends with you."
I looked at him in perplexity for a moment. Then I pursed my lips. "But you do realize that we have to talk to each other for that, don't you?"
"Aren't we doing that right now? ' Jace asked sarcastically and chuckled. "I feel like I've been talking to you more than Alec lately."
"You know what I mean," I said, rolling my eyes. Be friends with Jace Herondale? I couldn't imagine it with the best will in the world. I was more surprised that the suggestion came from him. In my mind, he still hated me.
"You really are a challenge, you know that, Clarissa Morgenstern?" Jace sighed. "We'll meet tomorrow after breakfast and try to find out more about your runes. Is that enough for you to start with?"
Jace didn't wait for me to answer. He casually strolled past me, gave me one last grin over his shoulder and disappeared into his room. All I could do was stare after him, confused and amazed, my mouth half open.
Girls and boys, this was such a long chapter. I hope it was to your liking. A lot happened today! They made progress with Clary's runes, the friendship between Clary, Adam and Isabelle gets another layer and Clace has a short moment, even if it's a rather unpleasant talk! :)
I would be happy to know your thoughts!
Skyllen
P.S.: To Clary: Thank you for your compliment. I checked my Pinterest but didn't receive a message lol. Maybe some mistake? India is cool, my best friend is from there and the culture is so beautiful. Yeah, come to Germany one day! It's not that touristic though, in my opinion at least haha. I try to upload weekly and I usually do it Monday night, like right now, should be between 2 to 3 am in India. So most of the time, you'll have the new chapter Tuesday morning! :)
