Worst. Halloween. Ever.
Sometimes, you just don't get your favorite candy, your best neighborhood isn't selling, or a group of assassins break into your big ball and try to kill you. For our heroes, it was the last option.
Oh, and there's an amogus. Beware.
A little Halloween Zelda One-Shot, written by Ebblenubble. Enjoy the show!
"Hyah!"
THUD!
"HUT!"
Thud thud thud!
"HAI—"
Squeeak…
"Link," Zelda sleepily greeted, weakly smiling at him, her face barely illuminated by the fading moonlight. "I can hear you; I heard you waking up to train. Must you spend even the most celebratory of days working yourself to the bone?" Link, now flushed with embarrassment, silently sheathed his wooden sword, walking away from the wooden dummy to hug his dear wife. Once again, she was right. Last night — just eight hours prior to this moment — they had their Hallow's Eve feast with all of their friends. Just the table they used would fill his former home, the one he had before all of this glamor reached him. Even if this whole 'ruling' thing wasn't for him, the fact that they could have all of their friends in one room, chatting happily with smiles on their faces, was nice.
They shared a brief kiss, relished for an eternity in his mind, before he let go of her to explain himself. Whatever he said wouldn't work, he knew that, but it was his truth. "I-I know, Zelda. But you know that sword fighting has always been my passion, right? That feeling of swinging around a blade is so exhilarating, I—"
"Honey. I am far too tired to hear you rant about swords right now. It's so cute how you love those things to death, but… hearing about them is so exhausting."
"Speak for yourself, dear — you never shut up about history."
"That's different. Totally different."
"You're sure?"
Exhausted out of her mind of his antics, but not angry at them, she sighed and shook her head. "Just get back to bed. Your costume, alone, needs a good few of our servants to help apply it all." As if her words changed the environment around them, Link's closet doors fell open, revealing just a bit of a massive cape crudely stuffed behind them. "Really, though, did you have to pick to be the Phantom King according to the legends? You understand that it's said his cape was as long as our dining hall, right? Even a quarter of that is outrageous."
A little smirk popped up on his face as he heard that. Both of them were, in the best possible way, absolute hypocrites. It gave them opportunities like this one to tease each other about it — a feeling he savored. "Accuracy is everything. Besides, with that makeup you're gonna wear for your costume, I know you agree."
"Okay, makeup is a totally different thing."
"Sure."
Knock, knock, knock.
"Come in," he said, turning toward the door that led to his and Zelda's merged rooms, able to see a shadow through its cracks. The figure standing there was hooded and standing wide, completely hidden in shadow since the light was behind it. On any other day, he would have kicked down the door and cut down the intruder where they stood. On this day, though, he knew exactly who it was — and he couldn't be happier to see him. Besides, he saw him on a daily basis. Nothing made today so different.
Squeak.
Shink!
The blinding shine of a sickle flickered in his eye, making Zelda turn away for a brief moment. Meanwhile, he stared at it head-on with a little smile.
"Ooh, spooky."
"Oh, come on," a low yet soft voice, softer than his own, said as the figure slouched. Soon, they recovered from their defeat, flicking their hood down and revealing the slightly scarred but highly handsome man beneath. Just looking at his face brought teenage memories to Link's mind of when they used to date. Oh, how awkward it was when they met as a king to his bodyguard rather than two partners. "Your Highnesses," he greeted, giving a theatrical little bow.
"Inan, you're not usually up this early, unless you have more papers for Link. What's changed?" Zelda asked, giving him a little hug that was all she could muster. Link, ever the goody-two-shoes, made sure his hug was thorough and genuine. He was so cute. "Well, of course, it could just be a one-off… but still."
"Let's just say one of you" —he raised an eyebrow at Link— "can't train with their mouth shut. And I also have some papers for later, but mostly the first thing."
"You've run through so many quills of mine." He jabbed Inan in the arm.
"Oh, whatever. At least I had the dignity to get into costume before I did anything. Speaking of," —he nodded at Zelda to fetch her attention— "how does my outfit look?"
…
She tilted her head, the little ball on her cap slumping onto her shoulder. "…What are you?"
"Oh. Hang on…." From within his cloak, he drew a mask marked with the upside-down Sheikah eye, blood red in color and crudely painted on, putting it on soon after. Now that they had seen that, it evoked memories of the legendarily goofy Yiga Clan, known for… failing. Everything. "An assassin! That's who I am," he proudly declared, reversing the grip on his sickle and flicking it around. Despite its dullness, making it utterly harmless, he wielded it as if it were a truly lethal weapon.
"And we'll be able to tell you apart from real assassins… how?"
"Don't be so paranoid, sweetheart," he assured Zelda, brushing her cheek with his thumb and smirking intensely. "Besides, it's a law that every soldier must have a badge somewhere on their person. I don't reckon Inan would be the only one to break that law, would you?" Rather than answer outright, he shrugged, sprinkling the slightest bit of sarcastic doubt into Link's mind. He sighed, changing the subject. "Say, when do we go to that show and ball, again?"
"Evening. This year, it's at Sir Ganondorf's estate in Hyrule Field. You know, the one that represents the Gerudo culture," Inan explained, taking off his mask and hanging it around his belt. "Frankly, I don't like him. I have nothing against the guy, it's just… his name gives me chills. If I was paranoid, I'd say he's some cult organizer or something."
Link raised an eyebrow at Inan, not exactly a history nut himself. Well, if he wasn't searching for a costume. "Hey, you've met him; hell, you've been in a room alone with him. He's a good guy, we know it."
"Well, good or bad," Zelda interrupted, rubbing her eyes and stretching, "he's certainly not up at this hour. Please, you two, let us all go back to bed."
"Alright, honey. We'll see you in a few, Inan."
"No matter how long it takes, I'll be there. Goodnight."
Hours later, in the Gerudo Desert…
'Today's the day,' Ganondorf thought, soaking in the cool air from the balcony of his home. 'Hallow's Eve. I forget it's not pitch black on days like these.' His personal assistant had yet to wake him up and he had a rough night of sleep, so being able to see the golden sunrise and feel the soft breeze had already set this day up to be something grand. Besides, he had a ball to look forward to at his estate in Hyrule Field with the king and queen of Hyrule. Every time he spoke to them, he felt… oddly nostalgic, but otherwise good and welcoming. They were quite the sweet couple and seeing them in ridiculous costumes would make it ten times sweeter.
…Thinking about them reminded him of how lonely he was. Oh, well.
'Is it cheap to use the traditional Gerudo warlord outfit used centuries ago? Probably. Do I have anything else? No.' Right by his side stood a glimmering set of golden armor, adorned in many a flower pattern with pinkish highlights by its edges. It came from his ancient ancestor, the 97th Gerudo male in recorded history. Apparently, he was violent and tried to take over the world — he even recruited the fabled Twilight Realm to his cause. How fascinating it was to read the exaggerated tales of history. 'Oh, that's paranoia,' he told himself after picturing the worst possible scenario. 'An outfit means nothing'
Knock, knock, knock.
"Ah, Nani," he greeted, his real voice just as deep as his internal one, "you're late." The door opened to a pretty lean Gerudo woman, as standard as possible among her kind but special in a way. Together, they ruled the sands, mostly with her help.
"No. You're early," she clarified, calmly setting down a plate of perfectly prepared food on the untouched side of his bed. If only he had time to thank his cooks. "Believe me, I heard your snorings cut out through the night. I had to fall asleep on my own, you know."
He chuckled, giving her his classic, amusingly surprised side-eye. Ignoring the thick walls between their rooms, the fact that she listened to him throughout the night to sleep was really odd. "You fell asleep to me snoring? Of all things, that?"
"It is as soothing as you are, Master Ganondorf."
"You flatter me." She took a seat on the bed right beside him, watching calmly as he ate with great caution. Seeing her taking on her timid, small little posture as she sat was always a good way to start her morning. Usually, the servant would be the one the master wouldn't leave behind; for her, though, it was the other way around. "Now, when do we leave for the ball? I understand that we need time to prepare it for all of our guests, but what exact time do we—"
"An hour," she, rather matter-of-factly, replied. "Thus why I had you practice putting it on and timed you on it. Otherwise, our presentation, this year, would be…" —she paused briefly, looking back at Ganondorf as he cautiously ate a bit more of his meal— "well, undercooked for lack of a better term. Considering that the king and queen are, again, visiting, I'm sure you would love to make a good impression. Or, at least, keep them comfortable."
Squish, nom, gulp.
Ahem.
"Apologies." A brief air of silence filled the room, since nothing else was left to say. Her pretty eyes just stabbed into his heart, as wrong as that might have been to think. In fact… it seemed to make the room just a bit warmer. Uncomfortably warmer. "Well, if you would mind giving me privacy," —he stood, softly setting the plate onto her lap— "I have to change." With a sweet smile and subtle nod, she got up and left, continuing her duties around the house. Or, mansion, rather. Luxury like this just came with being a man who was a Gerudo. It felt quite undeserved.
Plus, the lack of varied clothing available to him was seriously unfortunate. His size, too, was an unlucky thing to deal with. On the bright side, the warlord outfit worked for him, blade and all. Even though it stood as an infamous marker of his people, it would do. Besides, every last guest that would be visiting knew who he was after everything he did — a simple outfit wouldn't make them think he was some monster. That was the worst thing that could happen, no matter how low the chances of it were.
Fifteen or so minutes later, he was dressed and practicing some swings with his sword, as amateur as they were. His lessons with the king started just two weeks ago, thanks to the very recent invention of 'Fast Travel,' according to the king's top scientist, only beaten out by the invention of 'Phones.' But it wasn't like he would need the swordfighting talent. All he had to do was make introductions at the start and say his farewells at the end…. Simple as pie.
Simple as pie.
Knock, knock, knock.
"Record time," he answered the knock, pushing the door open as soon as the shadow below it moved. "I suppose that gives us some spare time, yes?" Nani joined his side as they reached a staircase, not too far from his door.
"Us?" she curiously asked.
"Nani," —he side-eyed her as they neared the ground floor— "you follow me everywhere. Do you have a reason to stay away from me for this day in particular?"
For a brief moment, a shade of red crossed over her face, mostly disguised by the bright sunlight cast through a window. She sighed, laughing quietly to herself. "Oh, my apologies, Master Ganondorf. Sometimes, I, admittedly, forget such a thing. There comes a point where it's simply second nature — something that doesn't warrant any kind of second glance. Considering how long I've worked with you, it probably isn't surprising. Say, would you know the feeling?"
"Of you being around me and of being king, yes. Otherwise, I see a lot come and go, with little sticking around. I'm quite glad" —they left the mansion, shielding their eyes as the sun's full potential was released onto them— "you are one of those exceptions."
"Until my last breath, I swear it."
"Your Highness!" a soldier hurriedly called out, running toward them both with fear in her eyes. In an instant, a sense of urgency washed the smiles right off of their faces. "I have important news — really important. Would you lend an ear?"
"Yes. What is it?"
The soldier quickly reached into her backpack, pulling out a crumpled newspaper and handing it over, adding a tiny cut to its jagged edges. Ganondorf quickly unfolded it and smoothened it to the best of his ability, skimming over the text. For the most part, it was slow news — not exactly something to bring straight to the king. Additions to the Fast Travel system, re-explaining the Phones' functions, sales prices, and a small-town criminal brought to justice. None of it seemed concerning… until he looked right at the center of it, filling him with horror.
BREAKING NEWS!
To all those who wish to celebrate Halloween this year, we, at Lucky Clover Gazette, urge you to beware of THIS costume!
(A rough but detailed sketch of a man dressed in an unassuming hood with dark clothing was just below the text, the only bit of color in it coming from the crudely painted eye on his mask.)
It has come to our attention that the fabled and feared Yiga Clan have returned in the wake of several disappearances across Hyrule, left with disturbing messages in what appeared to be the victim's blood. "WE ARE BACK. FEAR US. FOR THE INVERTED EYE," they read, surrounded by cluttered furniture, with every sharp object in the victim's homes left on the floor, resembling the eye of the Sheikah. As juicy as this story is, now is NOT the time to investigate it.
Dear readers, DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT trust ANYONE who dons THIS outfit!
AVOID THEM AT ALL COSTS!
"…Hylia on her throne…" he muttered, shakily handing the article back to the soldier. "W-we must cancel the ball, it's too risky at a time like this."
Nani tapped his shoulder, her tanness completely faded from her face, now sweaty and wide-eyed. "Master Ganondorf…" —she choked on her words— "that isn't possible, we wouldn't be able to get the message to a-all of our guests in time."
"Why not use the fast travel system?"
"Y-you know, as well as I do, that it's merely a prototype and has yet to be accepted by every town. We would still have to travel naturally… to some extent." Ganondorf sighed, covering his face with his hands and pacing around, on the verge of quivering. "I-if I may," —he looked at her— "that ball might be the safest place to be this evening for Hyrule's VIPs. I-I know this may be odd, but I recently collected data on who would be w-wearing what, and none of them reported anything close to that outfit. A-anyone wearing it would be caught, I assure you, sir." Out of fear, they both turned away from one another, and she muttered, "Should the skylights hold."
"What of our citizens?" he asked, turning back around. "The Gerudo have been enemies with the Yiga Clan all their lives — we're target number one! I can't leave them in danger like this — same goes for the other elders."
"Your Highness," the soldier cut in, faking an authoritative tone and not hiding her own terror, "the moment I got this article, I checked that it was sent all across Hyrule to every possible town, to which it was — outside of… well, Castle Town. That means we mostly have to worry about ourselves and our visitors. It's… an improvement… right?"
"Give or take. You're dismissed, captain — enhance the security as much as you possibly can around the perimeter of town. Nani," —the captain ran off to the barracks, presumably to inform her peers about the news and prepare them— "organize a town meeting in fifteen minutes. Everyone must know of this." He ripped his helmet from his head, letting it hang by his side as he marched toward the town's square, marked clearly by a big statue of himself. Below it was a little plaque, reading, 'Our Light in the Dark.'
He hoped that it was right.
But, for now, he had to let the king and queen know of this. At worst, it would be redundant; at best, it would keep them safe on their journey to the ball. Hopefully, he could figure out how the Phone worked in time to notify them of this development — and, more importantly, that they needed to get to the ball. Inan had seemed kind and cheerful when they met, but now, he needed to be aware and firm. The same went for the royals.
In just a minute, he was back in his room, holding the phone in one hand with its manual in the other. He read quickly, only registering whatever stood out to him and reciting the words in his head. 'On, calibrate, number, call.' Despite how safe he currently was, the thought of others' pain and fear made his whole body shake, making him even more anxious as he quickly dialed the number Sir Link had given him the last they met. Each time he pressed a number, he feared it was wrong yet forced himself to keep dialing.
Zero, zero, two. Zero, two, one. One, nine, eight, six.
Fwoom!
A blue-tinted, two-dimensional, holographic recreation of a very fancy training room emerged from the device, as two amorphous blobs drifted from one end to the other. After a few seconds, the blobs took shape, revealing the young and pretty faces of the king and queen, smiling happily into their phone. Despite their, admittedly, incredible costumes, he knew it was them. For a moment, he almost forgot why he called them, washed over with a wave of sweet relief. But, as soon as the wave passed, he remembered.
"Hey, Ganondorf," Sir Link happily greeted. "That's a nice outfit there. It's got a scary air about it. Do you need something from us? We were just about to leave for the festivities to help you, so—"
"Your Highnesses," he urgently cut him off, feeling his adrenaline increase bit by bit, "I have urgent news. Not good, either. Please, lend an—"
"What is it?" Queen Zelda asked, surprised at the genuine terror on his face through the little screen. She was always better at reading and reacting to signs; plus, she knew him as a happy-go-lucky king, and seeing him with fear in his eyes put her on edge. "Go ahead, we're listening. Th-this applies to us, right?"
"The Yiga Clan is back — and they're deadly."
Zelda gasped, covering her mouth and turning just a bit more pale. Link, on the other hand, looked more upset, but there was no doubt that terror flowed through his veins at the sound of the news. "E-excuse me?! The assassins? The ones who…. Oh, Inan…." She turned away from the camera, covering her face and growing increasingly panicked. "How do you know…." She almost turned back around. "Never mind." Despite the regret Ganondorf felt, he knew it was necessary. Their safety mattered more than their reactions.
"I-is the ball canceled?" Link asked, returning to the camera with an intense look in his eye.
"It's not — but it might be the safest place for you this evening. Tell your people about this, I beg of you."
"A-alright. Damn, I should have known those disappearances were more than some random crime spree…. Oh, whatever — I can't mope about it now. Thank you, Ganondorf. Prepare your people and set out to the ball while the sun is still up. I don't want you to be hurt as much as you don't want us to be hurt." The door behind Link opened and a figure stepped through, their blurry form slowly growing more clear the further they walked.
"Please, Your Highnesses, be very careful. Don't trust anyone who wears…."
…
…
"What?"
"BEHIND YOU!"
Shink!
Link instantly zipped around, blade in hand, staring down the intruder, ready to kill. Their sickle was sharp, their stance was wide, and their movement was minimal. Wherever Inan was, it wasn't here — he had to fight to protect his loved ones, here and now. "Stay back!" he yelled, glancing at a horrified Zelda, who cautiously stuck a hand into a hidden pocket in her dress — one that held a knife. "I will kill you if you dare—"
"Woah, woah, relax," they said, raising their hands. "It's just me." Unconvinced, he flicked his blade upward, right at their mask. "Oh, right." They slowly reached up, grabbing the very bottom of it and lifting it, revealing a flash of a scarred lip.
Pant, pant, pant!
Thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud!
"LINK, ZELDA!" a voice yelled down the hall, right as an identical assassin came to a halt outside the door, stopping the other in their place. Their breaths were heavy and their body was tense. "There you are!" Screaming with rage, they charged the man in their room, tackling him to the ground and getting in a scuffle. The sudden appearance left the king and queen stuck in their place in shock, not knowing who to trust or what to do. "You…" —the one on the bottom tried digging their thumb into the other's mask— "thought you could run from the law, huh?!"
The assassin on top of the other fumbled a dull sickle in their hand as the pinned one shouted, "What the fuck do you mea—"
Pow!
"Link! Help me!" the one atop the other yelled, staring right at him through his mask.
"Right!" He ran over, kicking the pinned assassin in their face, cracking their mask right at the drawn pupil. Immediately, they went limp as blood seeped from the crack of their mask. Pants fueled by adrenaline made up the only sound in the room, slowly fading as everybody caught their breath. "Thank you, Inan," he breathily said, smiling faintly at the conscious assassin. "Y'know… that outfit scared the hell out of me. I'm glad to know it was you."
He didn't reply, slowly picking up the unconscious man instead and slinging him over his shoulder. "Always a pleasure. Now… say…" —he walked toward the window, glancing at the streets below— "do you really care about this window?"
"Hey, hey," —Link joined his side, setting a hand on his shoulder nervously— "let's not kill him. I know this is only the third floor, but he's worth more to us alive." Behind the mask, he almost recognized the usual skeptical eyebrow raise from him, nearly making him smile. "Inan," he said, getting serious again, "you'd know this. Even one assassin could easily—"
"No."
Hup!
CRASH!
A series of thuds, snaps, and subtle cracks followed as the assassin was thrown out of their window, probably hiding the ground with a rough landing. The sudden irrational act shocked both Zelda and Link, stirring a mix of anger, confusion, and other such feelings as they stared at a cold-hearted Inan. There were times when he was tough… but not cruel. After a moment of silence, he sensed their gazes, turning his head to face them. "Hey, these new Yiga Clan members…" he justified, glancing back out the window with lingering remorse, "knowing what they've done, I wouldn't be surprised if not one of them broke no matter what we did. Besides, answers have to wait. Your people — our people — are in danger. It was what must have been done for them."
"Inan—"
Countless footsteps approached their door as a small legion of soldiers, royal and standard, made it to their door. Instantly, their eyes locked onto the seemingly obvious assassin and their weapons virtually fell from their holsters. "Hey fellas," he casually greeted, digging into a pocket below his cloak and pulling out a shiny, royal guard's badge. Even if Inan wasn't himself, today, at least it was him. "I threw the fake one out of that window there."
He pushed past them, signaling to Link and Zelda so subtly that they almost didn't notice. As he passed, some random soldier said, "You should have spared him, Captain."
Something about that halted Inan right then and there. Words hadn't done that in a long time. For a moment, everyone thought it was anger and hatred — something he never felt, no matter what — until he finally spoke. "Yeah," he uttered, staring down at the ground and nodding to himself. "I had every reason to, I-I just…. God, I had no idea what I did there. H-hey," —he turned to face the group of soldiers, clueless as to who really spoke— "just see if you can keep him alive. I'm sorry." He walked out of the room and down the hall, completely silent with Link and Zelda in tow.
It remained that way until they were out of the castle, now on the bustling and paranoid streets. Not to mention the people surrounding the man lying in a pile of glass. Link confronted Inan, saying, "You weren't yourself back there. You're not… you know… dying, are you?"
"Heh. You wish," he replied, his smile clearly fading as he watched everyone back away from them. Even a few brave souls seemed tempted to try and fight him to protect the king and queen but, ultimately, backed down and walked away with a nervous look on their face. "But, considering that you want to hear it seriously, I'm not. Maybe I need to update my training, frankly. When was the last time you guys were in danger with me around, again? It might have slipped my mind."
Zelda pulled out a small quill from her pocket — colored black to fit her dark and 'blood' covered attire — and put it atop her ear. There was no point in it other than to help her think, whether it really did or not. 'Inan was recruited four years ago, got into the royal guard an impressive year later, and joined us two months later. So… a year and ten months… and…. Huh. I've gotta admit, I don't think anyone would expect that. I mean... he only won that tournament, right?' By now, they arrived at the closest stable, something that wouldn't have happened if those teenagers hadn't burnt down their private stable a month ago — a week after the first disappearance in Hyrule, by coincidence.
"Well, doc? What's the diagnosis?" he jokingly asked Zelda, grabbing the door of the stables and holding it open for them. "Am I dying?"
"We've never been in danger with you around," she said, waiting for him to follow them inside. "I believe I've claimed that you just repel all danger. Even that assassin seemed confused around you. Heh. I suppose that explains why you were so weird back there."
"…Yeah, it does," Link added, lovingly untying Epona from her post. "For a bodyguard, you haven't done much guarding. From what I recall."
"Tonight's the night I make up for it."
Zelda mounted Storm, patting him on the head and securing the gear around it.
…
…
"Where's my horse?" Inan asked.
"It's right next to mine," Zelda said, nodding at the pitch-black horse beside Storm with a curious little head tilt. "You moved him there just yesterday."
"Right. Sorry, I'm used to… the other… spot."
"…Okay. Here, I can help." She dismounted, easily pulling Inan's crude tie loose. Frankly, it was a miracle that it always held Ezioni in place overnight, let alone for a few days. "Do you, at least, remember how to ride a horse?" she questioned, helping him onto the horse. A glance back at Link, in all of his unholy glory while wearing that phantom costume, told him everything she thought. Well, everything she thought about Inan, not the ridiculously long cape he had folded several times to avoid killing everyone behind him. Oh, so ridiculous.
"Give me a reason why I wouldn't," he taunted, brushing Ezioni's neck. She seemed uncomfortable, though. Maybe everything was off today.
"Today. Just… today."
"Oh. Right. Fair point, fair point. Now, let's get—"
"Your Highnesses!" Through the door came that same soldier from before, running urgently with an object tightly clutched in his hand. A blue hue seemed to emerge from it. "I apologize for interrupting once more, but you left this in your room — activated." He unfolded his hands, revealing a stressed Ganondorf on the other end of the blue-tinted feed. "I should mention he had to go offline for a few extra minutes to attend some meeting, which is why I wasn't following you like a puppy…. Ha ha. Ha."
Inan picked it up out of the soldier's hands, shaking it slightly to check if it was more than a still image. Zelda, the only one out of the three who knew a lot about the new tech, couldn't help but notice that with concern. But, knowing how Inan was today, she brushed it off. "Ganondorf," she greeted, picking up the device from Inan and smiling into the hazy image. Finally, Ganondorf turned around, filled with relief at the sight of her. "Yes, yes, we're alive."
"I-I know, Your Highness," he said, laughing faintly and fixing his hair, "I witnessed everything. Your bodyguard is… I mean no offense when I say this, but… rather crude."
"First is the worst, Sir Ganondorf," he explained, slowly following Link and Epona out of the stable while keeping it slow so Zelda wouldn't be left behind. "Or, as I said a while ago: 'It's what must have been done.'"
"Yes, he's been repelling danger" —Storm began following the others as Zelda did her best to keep the phone steady— "since he joined us. Today was the first day he saw genuine action… at all, knowing how peaceful things have been. So, he's not as experienced as you would think."
"What of the man thrown out of the window?" Up ahead, the main gate of Castle Town quickly neared as the three of them trotted toward it, on the verge of cantering straight through the scared streets.
Inan slowed down, joining Zelda's side instead to continue the conversation with Ganondorf. He knew more about the subject, anyway. "Dead, probably. I panicked there, and… well, all of that. I'm glad that my badge came through, though. If not, I would've been mistaken for the assassin. What a 'nightmare come true' that would have been," he said, smiling faintly and nodding at the ground. Not once had either Link or Zelda heard him talk about himself that often, but both knew that fear did that to people. It happened to them — it could happen to Inan, too.
"So I see. I will pray for you while you try to—"
"And we're here."
"…Oh. Right. You have one of those Fast Travel machines right by your gates, if I remember right. If that is how you will play your cards," —despite his hand being out of frame, it was clear his hand was on the prompt to hang up the call— "then I suppose I'll… use mine. Remind me, how do I not vomit, again?"
"Just pray."
"Lovely."
Somewhere in Hyrule, unknown to all…
"How's it going?"
"Swell. You?"
"Just as intended. Although, did you really have to leave those signs as people went missing?"
"Hey, promotion is a key part of getting things started."
"Not when you're part of a group that intends to kill from the shadows."
"You never know if people out there agree."
"Fine. Fine, fine. Just… keep them unaware, would you? The longer you stay with them, the more they trust you. And then, when they're sleeping peacefully in their bed, thinking that today merely meant nothing and was another number on a calendar… heh heh heh…. Oh, man, I get so giddy at the thought of it. I can't wait to see it in the news: Assassinated in their bed by the legendary Yiga Clan, back from the ashes! Soon, they'll all know…."
"Remember, we're not monsters. We're villains. We savor the kill because they were the heroes, not because we want to rip them open and treat their intestines like a straw. Bu—"
Crackle crackle crackle SNAP!
"Ugh, stupid radios. The Sheikah can't do shit these days…."
Click, whirrr!
Snap snap snap crackle crackle SNAP!
"Tripped again, huh?"
"Yeah. Outside of honoring my family's legacy, this is the other reason I want to make us all come back. I swear, we had slingshots more advanced and well put together than these stupid things. At least yours doesn't trip, even though it's hardly bigger than an ant. Seriously, man, I'm jealous. And— ah!"
Thud, thud.
"Oof!"
"Sorry, sorry, I'm on a call. I'm so sorry, I…. Yeah, right. Sorry, man, love you."
"Ran into your boyfriend, huh?"
"Yep. Literally. Um… nobody heard that, right?"
"All they hear from me is calm breathing behind my mask. Not a thing suspected. I gotta admit, though… they're good people. If I felt remorse, I'd be quitting on the spot right now."
"But you know what's at stake… for us. Like the rest of the world cares… for now. MWAH HAH HAH HA—"
"You're embarrassing yourself."
"Okay, okay. Yeesh, mr. buzzkill. Anyway — are you there?"
"Entering now. And, hey, one more thing."
"All ears."
"Thanks for those acting and infiltration classes. If I hadn't done all of that swapping and adjusting, the jig would have been up. Or if I hadn't disposed of the evidence. I really hope it worked, considering how much we both have invested into this shit. But I'll get back to you when you come here with everyone else. It is going to be a show, I tell you."
"Hell yeah."
"For the inverted eye."
Click, click.
One hour later…
"Master," Nani said, approaching Ganondorf with a small script in her hands. "Are you prepared?"
"Yes, but… well… I-I don't know, the stress of everything — the assassins, too — is starting to get to me," Ganondorf replied, adjusting his helmet a few times and dusting off the armor even more times. Not a speck of dust fell because there wasn't a single speck to fall. Once again, it was his tick, the one thing he did whenever he was internally freaking out. She was no doctor, she was just used to all of this. But every last bit of it was understandable. Suppressing hers would help him stay calm.
"Master," —she softly grabbed his shoulder and smiled, wiping a bead of sweat away swiftly— "you'll be okay. This place is safe, I promise you. You won't have to… you know… die in battle."
He shuddered at the thought of it, no matter how warmly it wrapped around his heart.
"But I would," he muttered, nodding at the ground, picturing every tiny detail of the fight. Someone breaks in. Chaos ensues. People are endangered. He runs. He fights. He dies. A simply cruel fate — something he would embrace no matter what, and yet feared beyond description. Link taught him bravery; he had yet to be taught bravery without stupidity. "Nothing — nothing — would ever stop me from giving my life to—"
Knock, knock.
Both Nani and Ganondorf turned toward the sound, seeing Inan staring back at them impatiently. Maybe if he felt like laughing, he would be amused at the sight of such emotion behind a stiff piece of plastic. The amount of intimidation that that same piece of plastic could bring made him shudder once more. "Hey," he said, his voice rough and tone serious, "everyone's getting antsy. I don't expect you to comfort them, but even some distraction should keep their minds off of… well, everything. Besides, they're giving me glares. So, go up there and do your thing. It's what must be done." He smiled softly, zipping right back in front of the curtain, out of sight from the two of them.
…
"…He's right, Master Ganondorf," she softly affirmed. "Just push it all aside. Nothing can happen. Nothing can happen."
"You're sure?"
She smirked, even in the face of everything before them. Frankly, it was the thing he loved most about her. "I have to be. Even a smile can light up a void, Master."
Without even knowing it, he set his hand on her cheek, nodding in agreement. Before he even said anything, he felt heat encircle his hand as she turned pink. If he could flirt with a damn when he was thinking, maybe they would have been together by now. After all, she was older than him… somehow. Huh. Odd. "I'm aware. I've seen it, myself." He let go, finally catching his breath and controlling his thoughts. Only now did he hear the loud, nervous, agitated chatter of the ballroom in front of the stage.
At the back of the room sat Inan, Zelda, and Link, sharing a conversation of their own. It was a bit of a shame to give up the front-row seats they were offered, but the amount of unnecessary attention at Inan would have been multiplied tenfold if they had. Now was the worst time to wear the outfit he always wanted. Well, in their eyes, at least. "I think he's ready," Inan said, barely spotting the golden glint against the pitch-black curtains. "Y'know… I think that there will be some kind of show."
"At this time?" Zelda asked, confused at the remark. "The world is freaking out, I don't think now is the time for any kind of show."
"Oh, I know. But I'm sure there'll be a show."
"But—"
Riiiiing!
"Ahem," —everyone looked at the stage, all hoping for some kind of comfort from the Gerudo King no matter how unlikely it could have been— "hello, everyone. Now, I should make something very clear here that I'm rather sure you're all aware of: There's no festivities to be held, here. With everything going on, I'm sure that they would be more of an insult than anything. So, I would like to take this time to reassure you that you are safe here from everything out there. Tomorrow, everything should blow over, and we can go home safely. It will all be fine by sunrise, I promise you."
Inan leaned toward Zelda, concern behind his mask as he whispered, "How could he know that?"
"Perhaps it's just… a comforting lie," she replied, listening intently as the speech went on. It was very clear to her that he was even more anxious than all of the other guests. Besides, all of the doubtful chatter just below the sounds of his voice probably added to the stress. "As you would say, it's what must be done, right?"
"Maybe… but not by him. He can't lie — you know this, Zelda."
"Anyone can lie."
"Not everyone can lie well. Just" —he jerked his head back toward the stage, setting his hand on something below his cloak— "listen to him. Look at his outfit, even."
Despite her faith in Ganondorf, despite how much she doubted any hint of evil within him, she trusted her bodyguard far more. It was worth a shot. "…and I can guarantee that they won't touch this place. Not one would dare enter. I will be sure of it."
'Oh, Hylia...'
Ring, ring.
Trying to hide her shock, she turned to Link as her phone rang, seeing his eyes half as wide as hers. "Oh, erm, L-Link, please take it. I'll keep you posted…" —she practically tossed it at him, thoughts of Ganondorf's cruelty dominating her mind— "yeah." There wasn't a doubt in Link's mind that she was scared, but it was better to take the phone call first. Nobody would be making foolish calls at a time like this.
A few people glanced as he walked by, holding the quietly ringing device in his hand and looking stressed out of his mind. Murmurs and mutters also joined the glances, just as they did for Ganondorf as he continued talking, very quickly losing track of his point and being reminded several times by his assistant. When he arrived at the bathroom, the equivalent of a separate room with a clean hole in the floor, he accepted the call. "Yes, what is it?" he asked.
"Y-your Highness," the random soldier's voice urgently muttered as an army of steps passed him by, rising and vanishing in the background, "I have news — REALLY important news."
"Go on." He felt his heart beat faster.
"That assassin you threw from the window— Er, sorry. Your bodyguard. I'm sorry, I… GAH, I need to think."
Pant, pant, pant.
"Be hasty, soldier."
"S-so I was put in charge of interrogating him and… dear Hylia…. Sorry, I-I just get terrified thinking about it."
"You're making it worse for me. Tell me." His free hand quivered but he clenched it into a fist, starting to pace around.
"Okay. He warned us of an attack — a whole big group of those guys. They're heading to—"
Crackle!
The call cut out. 'Shit.' He dropped the hand holding the phone to his side, briskly walking to the door to push it open a bit. Whatever was out there gave him a bad feeling — he just needed to check. Golden light flooded into the generally white bathroom, blinding him for just a second as he noticed some people glancing up at the skylights. Meanwhile, Ganondorf continued talking, but not without glancing up once or twice himself. Zelda and Inan were safe and talking amongst themselves, unaware of whatever was up on the roof. Something about it made his heart beat faster and made him more fidgety, tossing the phone back and forth as he slowly craned his head up at the roof.
There, standing right at the edge of the skylights, highlighted by the blueish glow of the moon, stood….
Crackle!
"Your Highness!" the soldier shouted, instantly bringing some attention to Link as he swiftly ducked back into the bathroom. "Are you alright?"
"The call cut out. Tell me what you were going to say; now."
"They're heading right for you!"
…
"...we also identified the assassin who…"
…
"...Your Highness, h-he's…"
…
Beep.
He hung up.
Flames crackled.
His breath was quick, hasty, but silent.
Every bone in his body felt weak; he needed to sit somewhere.
Not one bit of his body could stay still — not even his mind.
Some thoughts were normal; others were terror-filled.
Zelda. Inan. Ganondorf.
All in danger.
CRASH!
SHRIEEEK!
Crash thud BOOM snap!
'MOVE!'
Out of pure instinct, he dropped the phone and kicked down the door, blade in hand as he watched countless assassins drop through the ceiling, parkouring or using ropes to prevent their deaths. He scanned the room as fast as he could, barely spotting Zelda and Ganondorf with his assistant in the chaos, holding their own against the assassins. What scared him the most was the realization that he wouldn't be able to spot Inan until the chaos ended, meaning he could only hope that his beloved bodyguard survived.
Unknown to him, Inan was fighting for his life to get to Link and Zelda.
THUD!
Inan was slammed against a wall and quickly was strangled by an assassin shortly after both of them were disarmed. Darkness quickly started to consume the edges of his vision but, somehow, he remained calm. "You traitor! Follow your damn orders!" they yelled, briefly trying to jam a thumb into the crack of his mask, allowing Inan to catch the arm.
"Hylia, it's…" —he wrestled the other arm of the assassin off of his throat, quickly kicking them right down to the ground— "a damn confusing day. HAIYAH!" He stomped their lights out, hearing a crack below his boot. With no time to savor it, he continued past the crowd, dodging and ducking away from everyone, assassin or otherwise, as he charged toward Zelda. Fear filling his veins, he tackled her to the ground and rolled to lessen the impact. "Listen, it's—"
POW!
"Get off of me!" she shrieked, drawing a small knife and shanking him right in the neck. He was barely saved by the actual armor of his outfit, giving him time to grab Zelda's shoulders and keep her on the ground. "I SAID GET—"
WOOSH!
"AAHHHH—"
POW!
Knocking out the assassin who tried to stab them both quickly gained her trust and she took his hand, standing as fast as she could with his assistance. "Inan, get Ganondorf — now!"
"'Get' him?!" he asked, quickly going back-to-back with Zelda to fend off any other attackers who ran at them. "You're gonna have to be a bit more specific, Your Highness!"
Zelda barely ducked below a wild sickle recklessly thrown through the hall, instantly looking all across the room until her eyes landed on Ganondorf and his assistant. "Kill him!" she ordered, watching him get wrecked by several assassins. "He's the one behind this!"
"Are you" —he swept the leg of another assassin, punching them until they fell unconscious— "crazy?! There's no way he— OOF!"
WHAM! CRA-A-ASH!
Another assassin threw Inan right onto a table, entirely breaking it in half and destroying everything on it. The sound hardly went noticed by the rest of the room as most other assassins did the same to anyone who fought back — or, rather, anyone who was very important. Elders of the villages, chiefs, people in generally high positions — all being beaten but fighting back with all of their strength. Everyone else was already out the door, now busted down. This attack was like part of a script; it was planned to every last detail.
…And… it wasn't by Ganondorf? Why had Inan changed his mind?
Or…
No, that was ridiculous.
But…
"Your Highness!" Inan yelled, giving his all to try and wrestle his attacker's sickle from his throat. "I need some help, here! This guy went to the buffet!"
"Oh, fuck you!" they yelled back, pushing harder on the handle of their sickle as Zelda ran to them.
"Hey," —Zelda threw the assassin off of Inan, who quickly knocked them out with another boot stomp— "I've gone, and look at me!"
"Hehe; you're a lot more professional than you were before, Inan," she complimented, giving him a little high-five before turning back around, watching the room slowly empty as the assassins started to retreat. What she heard from them wasn't clear, but it seemed like a timer they had was running short, rather than an act of cowardice. It meant the authorities were close — but not at the ball, just yet. They just needed to hold out a bit longer.
He rolled his eyes, jumping across some standing tables to help out others. "What a compliment!" he yelled, helping some small-town chief take down their assassin before doing the same with fleeing ones.
Ganondorf now in sight, she clutched her knife closer to her side, even if she felt slightly confused at Inan's reply. 'That was a compliment.'
"Your Highness!" he yelled with relief, approaching Zelda as his assistant checked on the few assassins they managed to knock unconscious, since the rest were already out one of the doors, windows, or the skylights. "You're alive. Where is Sir Link?"
"Right here," he replied, limping away from the bathroom corner, immediately getting helped by Zelda. Her knife fell at Ganondorf's feet. "Thank you, honey…. Damn, it was hard to fight in this outfit. So much cape dragging…."
"You're alright, you're alright," she assured.
"…Were you gonna…" —he pointed down at her knife, now held in Ganondorf's hand— "stab him? I-I heard your chat with Inan, you know."
"Not anymore," she loudly announced, making sure Ganondorf heard it clearly. "Inan changed his mind. Or…. No, just changed his mind."
"Where is he?"
Woosh!
Thud.
Clean as a whistle and confident as a king stood Inan, his hand firmly on his dull sickle, covered with shades of red. "I'm alright, you two. Thanks for caring, Link," he greeted. Just before he looked at her, Zelda stuffed down her horror with a casual smile. Soon, his gaze passed onto Ganondorf and his assistant, instantly daring him to draw his sickle. "As for you, you traitor," —Ganondorf backed up, raising his hands defensively— "the long arm of the law will get you for this."
"What?!" Nani yelled, instantly stepping in front of Inan, not a care in the world for herself. "You're crazy!"
"He lies to you—"
"Whether he's a murderer or a god, I will be by his side. And you are not!" A hint of a smile flickered across Ganonorf's face, much like a shade of pink briefly washed over hers.
"Then you will both face judgement like the—"
"Hey," —Zelda grabbed Inan's shoulder, stopping him right then and there— "you changed your mind, didn't you?"
"No, he's the one behind this — you know that, Zelda."
…Okay. There was no denying it now.
"And there's one man left standing," Inan said, approaching Inan with a casual smile but violent intent. "Come on, surrender; it's been a rough night drinking hearty elixirs, already."
"Heh, one? You're the one left that we have to take down and arrest!" Inan accused, pointing at Inan and raising his sickle.
Both of the Inans looked at Link and Zelda, both waiting for support from both of them. Meanwhile, everyone else hoped that they were only looking at a man with a mirror rather than two different men, both claiming to be the same one. Well, everyone except Ganondorf and Nani, who just backed away from the situation entirely. As they left, Zelda noted that they held hands. "Your Highness," one of them said, confused, "are you gonna help?"
"Link, help me," the other said.
"You can't even address them properly."
"Oh, fuck you!"
They promptly got into a scuffle, turning and twirling, tossing and throwing, and almost blending together, leading to them losing track of both Inans… or… rather… whichever was the real one. They looked and acted almost identical. What made it even harder to identify them was all of the trash-talking as they fought, sounding exactly like Inan no matter who said it.
"You people love that phrase! Why not make it your motto?"
"We already have one, you idiot!"
"Do you have an anniversary, too? Ooh, can I join?!"
"No!"
CRACK!
"Ow!"
"Gotcha!"
"Rude!"
"Enough!" Link shouted, sticking his sword right between them as they lay on the ground, both edges nearly grazing their throats. Before either could speak, he authoritatively jabbed his sword at both of them, waiting for them to get on their feet and drop their weapons. He forgot he had this little, silent, authority within him. "One of you is my close friend — and the other threw him out of a window," he said, pointing at both of them. "The question is: who is who?"
"Your Highness," one of them said, "you know this. Believe me, it's a lot easier to tell than you think."
"You sound like you smoke," the other countered. "Link, hate to address you so informally but, you know my voice. Hell, the kind of lunch conversations we've had…. There's no way you forgot."
Link turned his blade on the one who first spoke.
"Hey, I was stabbed in the neck, give me a break."
"…He's got a point," Zelda commented. "I stabbed him in the neck by accident. Maybe his voice changed and I didn't notice. Adrenaline does that to people."
The blade changed directions.
"You're smart, I'll give you that. But what about your face? Take off your mask — c'mon, you're not that ugly."
"So I'm distracted! Aha! A killer's mindset!
The blade changed directions.
"Survey says that didn't help. Try again, Steve."
"Like you know my name, Steve."
"Like you know my name, STEVE."
"Give me more proof or I'll get you both arrested. Then we'll see," Link threatened, right as the sounds of a massive army very faintly came through the door. Maybe it was just how he heard things, but he knew that time was running short for them. Frankly, it would only help if the false Inan was sussed out — they seriously could sit and wait here. It would be a lot easier on his end if those soldiers got here. By the sounds of it, they were close.
"…So why don't we wait? We're not being sentenced to death. Besides, I've interrogated guys — we don't like masks."
"Nor do we like fake badges, like the one you used to fool everyone! Or the real sickle you held!"
"Because you swapped out all of my stuff. I swear, the amount of paperwork I had to fill out drove me mad. Tell me, when was the last time you did paperwork?"
"God, you're stupid — the Royal Guard doesn't do paperwork. I know that because—"
"Inan comes to me about paperwork all the time. Arresting someone isn't as simple as tying them up," Link corrected.
"And... now that I think about it... Inan has arrested people," Zelda added, staring intently at one of the assassins.
"Yep."
"Er... LIES! God, he's... a liar!"
…
…
"Yeah, sure. Plus, Inan addresses Hylia by her name."
Link walked up to one of them and stabbed him in the gut with minimal resistance, letting him down easy before knocking him out. "So, Inan — mind taking off your mask?"
"I've been waiting, Your Highness." With zero hesitation, he tore his mask from his face, revealing the classic, scarred but handsome man beneath it with piercing eyes. "Hylia on her throne, that's uncomfortable. Now, gang," —he knelt by the unconscious man who stole his identity, sticking his fingers below his mask— " let's… identify… this… guy. Okay, I'm not good at build-up; let's get this done." He tore the mask from the stranger with a bit of effort, finally, after a full day of being lied to, revealing the man who claimed to be Inan.
After all of those lies…
After all of the manipulation…
After abandoning them when they needed him…
"…Huh. It's just some dude," he remarked, not recognizing whoever was below it. "Anticlimactic, eh?"
"At least it's not you, you," Link added.
"If it was, though, he would know the utter hell of paperwork. Punishment enough, I'd say."
"Your Highnesses!" Leading the charge into the ballroom was that random soldier from the call and from 'Inan's first fight, clearly relieved and horrified. He became a mess of stutters and apologies when they got in talking distance while the rest of the troops, from varying races, searched the room and arrested the unconscious ones. Finally, when he caught his words, all he could say was one, last, thing. "I can solidly say…
"Worst. Halloween. Ever."
A/N - Ah, it's been a minute.
So, with Halloween around the corner, I figured I should try a little oneshot. Sure, it's themeless, not as climactic as I'd want it to be (in my eyes), and loses some small elements, but I think it's a decent story I've made. But, hey, I don't have a reader brain — I have a writer brain. I only critique and see it as a piece of writing, rather than something to enjoy, to savor, to be immersed in. It's a thing I made, and I can't see it beyond that. Thus, I need external critiques who don't mindlessly praise my work (my classmates and friends, AHEM AHEM. No offense, but I need a challenger).
If I may be honest, I feel like this is more of a way to flex my foreshadowing skills. There are hints, there are things that don't line up, there are switches, and there are clear points.
I'd hope. Again, I can't tell.
Well, I hope you have a horrifying Halloween, folks!
Love y'all,
Ebblenubble.
