To Live Again


Chapter 1: Bang


A/N

Not completely Canon backstory for Spider Gwen here. She does have the symbiote at the start. Basically Earth 65 (mostly) but she gets bit when she's 14. Kills Peter sometime around then and becomes Ghost Spider soon after. Canon divergence really hits around when Murderdock shows up. Because Gwen is a lot younger here, she is a little more prone to needing guidance, compared to how independent Gwen is in the comics. She's still badass though. She's a ninja here too so expect her to be a little more skilled than in canon.

WARNING: This story can get dark. Lots of gore, violence, PTSD, mentions of rape of minors, as well as modern slavery. I need a whole another list of warnings for Murderdock because he is a messed-up man. But warnings for Murderdock mostly include: attempted suicide (mentioned), grooming of a minor (non-sexual but still), and sociopathic behaviour. I don't go into detail with a lot of it, but it is mentioned.

Anyway without further ado, here's the story!


Gwen tackled Murdock to the ground, her ribs grinding painfully in her chest at the harsh motion. She'd worn him down, but so had he. She was getting tired of these games. So tired. It cost her dad, and even worse it cost her sanity. He'd taken it all away and she wouldn't stop now, not until he was killed.

"You," she hissed, throwing him against a wall and holding him by his neck. "You did this. You were the reason dad died! I did everything you asked, and you killed him!"

She punched him in the face. To his credit, his jaw didn't break while any normal mans would have. He chuckled. Goddamn chuckled. Gwen remembered Ben's words. She needed to kill him. End him so he couldn't hurt one more person... but when she raised her fists it froze in place.

"Why are you hesitating? I taught you better," he said.

Was that disappointment?

"I won't kill you. I won't be any better than you then," she hissed.

"Any better? My dear Gwendolyn, you were never 'any better' to begin with. You murdered Peter Parker already, haven't you? Took your friend's life and all the lives of the hits I ordered you to carry out. What's not killing me going to change?"

Gwen searched Murdock's face for any signs of fear or anger, but nothing. He was just smiling at her like he normally did, and it felt like she'd swallowed acid. Was this all they amounted to? She'd tainted the identity of Spiderwoman. She went by a different name to make up for it. She'd trained under this man beneath her, let him change her in ways that disgusted her... and yet she didn't truly hate him. She couldn't.

For every bruise he gave her, there was a pat on the shoulder and praise. For every hit he ordered her to complete, there was a glass of orange juice waiting back during debriefing, and for every panic attack she suffered because of him, he had been there to calm her down. Heck, Gwen never cried in front of anyone other than her dad... and Matt Murdock. She clenched her fists and couldn't bring them to land... not because killing was bad, not because she was the hero she wanted so badly to be, but because despite everything, she loved this miserable asshole.

"Do you have a death wish Murdock? Is that it? This was all some elaborate suicide attempt?!" Gwen cried. Venom moved down her face. She knew he couldn't see her face, but she wanted this to be just her, not Venom.

"Death wish," he said, infuriatingly calm voice mulling it over like he was actually considering it. It sent ice into Gwen's veins. "I suppose I did. I looked down at the city of lights, and then realised I had it all in the palm of my hands. I was about to put a blade in my own stomach... then I saw you."

Gwen hated that she was crying. She hated that Matt felt it when her tears fell down onto his cheeks. She hated that he was still smiling like this wasn't the most fucked up thing he'd ever done to her.

"Why?" she demanded. What was so important about her existence that he needed to ruin her life like this?

"Why? I suppose I saw the same power in you that I had. And you know what they say about power Gwennie. It corrupts."

Gwen sobbed, grabbing Murdock's collar tightly as she dug her face into his neck. She felt pathetic. He was the reason her dad was dead, and in the ground, and here she was crying into his shoulders like the pathetic little kid she was. Taking solace in the arms of her enemy when she should be putting a bullet through his head. She couldn't even end him like Ben had told her to. She couldn't avenge Peter's memory.

"What a touching scene. It makes me sick."

Like a hammer to her head, Gwen's spider sense shot through the roof. Years of trusting her instincts gave her enough knowledge to grab Murdock and throw him away. A beam hit her back as she crashed into the wall, smashing her already broken ribs even further. She wheezed in pain as she climbed up the wall to see Frank Castle by the door.

"Protecting Murdock after all he's done. Why not do the right thing and end him with me?" Frank asked.

"I'm not killing anyone," she shouted. "He needs to pay for his crimes in prison."

"The fuck do you think will happen? Murdock won't even get five feet to a cell before they bail him out. He needs to die now!" Castle shouted. "And if you get in the way you're dead too!"

Gwen jumped out of the way of Frank's laser gauntlet, ignoring the sharp pain in her chest and the taste of blood in her mouth. Venom screamed angrily in her head at Castle for daring to harm them. She shot her webs at his pistol, but Castle was fresh in, and she'd been fighting dozens of ninjas the entire day. He dodged easily and Gwen decided to get up close and personal, pulling the webs and propelling herself into a flying kick that got him in the jaw.

Frank grabbed her leg as he fell, dragging her down with him to the ground. Gwen was taken into a grapple by the large man, who pinned her weight to the ground. Venom hissed angrily around her, tendrils shooting out before snaking around Castle, dozens of small goop spiders dispersing into his clothes and forcing him to let her go. Gwen kicked him off her, before jumping back in a flip and standing in front of her wounded captor and instructor. Castle threw off his coat, revealing a white skull painted vest.

"You're going to die for that child!"

Gwen spat out some blood, and got low on the ground, ready to spring, when she felt a disturbance around her wrist. She looked to the left and paled. The reactor. She'd come here to deactivate it, and in the whole mess of emotional fighting, she'd forgotten that Matt had a plan. He had activated it.

"No!"

Gwen rushed to the reactor and turned around in her panic to see Castle with a gun against Matt's head. He looked her way and grinned before Castle pulled the trigger, blowing his brains out in front of her. Gwen felt like she'd forgotten how to breath. The resounding bang of the gun rung in her head as she watched Matt fall limp, and despite this one moment stretching into a painful eternity, all she could do was bite back all the pain and grief and horror, because she'd been trained to compartmentalise. Without a word she turned back around and walked into the machine. She needed to get the core out, and even she didn't know if she could beat it.

"We must do this," she repeated out loud.

Venom was hers to control. Hers. And they wrapped around her body and twisted tightly around her skin like a thin veil of armour against thousands of (insert radiation metric). She felt her skin burn against the contact, as she reached in-between the device and grabbed the core. The pain was unbearable. Venom recoiled, screeching painful sounds as they fluctuated around her.

"Venom, we can do this! Just a little more," Gwen urged through the violent pain.

The world burst into vibrant colours as venom connected with her mind. She allowed them in and saw their true form. A hive of symbiotes stretching, not just hers, but every universe. Other universes. Gwen could barely comprehend the concept before she felt the energy fully consume her.


Her everything hurt. Literally everything. But Gwen healed fast, and despite feeling like she'd been sprayed with hot oil, lit aflame, and then pounded by a meat grinder, she was still somehow awake... well aware at least. She could make out the sounds of men around her, she could feel them grab roughly at her, sending spikes of throbbing pain at their man handling.

"A Spider-Man wannabe no doubt."

"Kid probably got beat up trying to play hero," another man snorted.

"She's cute tho'. Doesn't look important either. Grab her and we'll make a quick buck.".

Gwen shivered pitifully under their rough handling. They threw her, not so gently into the back of their car, and didn't even bother tying her up. She probably looked near dead anyway.

'Venom,' she called.

Venom didn't respond, and Gwen panicked despite not having the energy to move. It took all her strength just to move her led arms to her chest to call for them again. Venom wasn't there.

Venom was gone.

Gwen didn't know whether to cry or laugh. When the symbiote had first taken over all she could do was wish to get it off, wish to ignore the way it spoke of power and hunger, wish to never be so entirely reliant on someone else. What right had they, to become so intrinsically a part of her and then leave? She didn't cry because her eyes stung and remained frustratingly dry. She could hear the bang of Castle's gun, she could smell the fresh blood paint against the wall, she could remember the distinct sound of Matt's skull cracking as it splattered against the wall. Something in-between a choke and a wheeze made its way out of her lips.

"Venom," she tried again, using the last bit of her energy only to be met with silence.

Gwen felt weak, and so she closed her eyes and decided it wasn't worth the effort to try. Not anymore.


The next time she woke up it was in a dark, rather cold place. Her back had been to a metal wall with a ridge that stuck painfully in-between her collar bones. It took a moment before her brain could process the situation, coming back from a hazy slumber. She moved her head and was grateful that at least she had some energy back. It was nothing in comparison to her at her best, but at least she wasn't being manhandled by a bunch of normal goons.

It took a little bit of adjusting to the light to see that the room was stuffed to the brim with dirty, sweaty bodies. That must have been the smell, she realised. There was someone besides her and Gwen noted they were shivering.

"Hey where are we?" Gwen asked.

She was met with a very youthful voice... too youthful. She looked down to see a child in the darkness, somewhere between four to six years old.

"I-I don't know," the little girl whimpered.

"Hey, hey it's ok. Here, snuggle up with me. You look cold," Gwen offered.

The kid didn't reply but she did as she was told. Gwen moved to put an arm around her but realised she had been cuffed. The movement only served to make her broken ribs grind painfully against each other.

"Hey, does anyone know what's going on?" Gwen asked.

"T-they're shipping us somewhere," a broken voice said from in front of her.

Gwen blinked and then it dawned on her... human traffickers. She never thought she'd be on the other end of one of these freight containers. It was usually her kicking down the door, not her sitting inside one waiting to be sold to some sick fucks overseas.

"Don't worry, give me a few hours I'll get us out," Gwen said.

"Really?" the kid besides her asked with hope in her voice.

The teen in front of her snorted. "Yeah Spider-Girl. Cosplaying superheroes don't make you one. Don't go making promises you can't keep."

Gwen narrowed her eyes but didn't reply. There was no use fighting over it when they'd eventually see what she was capable of. She just needed to rest a little, gain back some strength. Once that was done, it would be a little tricky to fight thugs with how wounded she was, but she'd gotten out of worse.

"You're a Spider-Girl?" the girl next to her asked.

"Sure am. I go by Ghost-Spider," Gwen replied.

"What's that? A Fursona? Spidersona?" the earlier teen snarked, as if in disbelief.

Gwen rose a brow. She was the only Spider person around if she recalled. Then again it would be hard to believe Ghost-Spider would be in a scenario like this in the first place. She didn't blame them for doubting her.

Bang!

Gwen jolted at the sound of gunfire.

Matt's brain splattering against the wall. His body falling limp.

She took in a deep breath, holding back the conflicted feelings of grief and horror. She'd been shot at before, seen other people shot and murdered, done it herself before, and none of it had affected her as much as this had. Gwen closed her eyes, refusing to let a single tear fall. Now was not the time to break down. Compartmentalise and prioritise. Matt had taught her that.

The sound of gunfire outside didn't change much. It could just be another gang taking over and nothing of note would change for the children stuck in here with her. Gwen didn't hold out hope, so it came as a surprise when the metal door was opened revealing no one other than Frank Castle himself. Gwen immediately got into the defensive, breaking the bindings around her wrist and pulling away from the child, ready to shoot her webs at him.

"Everyone out now!" Castle shouted. "I'm not here to hurt you, but there will be more men on the way who will. Out now!"

His voice seemed to hold enough command in it to get the kids to all scramble out in terror. It took a hot moment for Gwen to even get her footing, let alone to move. Her whole body felt like led as she limped out the door. The other kids didn't look half as bad as she was and so had managed to scramble out quicker. Castle saw her lagging, and she held a defensive stance as he strode on over to her.

"Move quicker kid," he barked.

What? Gwen looked up in confusion and was doubly shocked when Castle basically picked her up, no recognition in his eyes.

"What the fuck Castle? Put me down now," she hissed.

He gave her an odd look but otherwise ignored her. Gwen spluttered in rage. He had just killed Matt mercilessly and here he was, having the gall to rescue her. She expected him to throw her onto the ground, spit on her face and put a gun to her head, but he just gently let her down with the other kids. She spluttered in confusion, face red with humiliation. What the fuck was his game here?

Before Gwen could worry about that, she heard the sounds of cars coming from either end. And Castle, the stupid shit head that he was, was leading the kids right back into the arms of their captors.

"We need to go that way," she said, pointing to the direction of the front docks.

"Kid, just shut up and move with the rest of them," Frank said sternly.

Kid? Frank never called her kid. He called her child, in a very derisive and uncomfortable way. Not to mention this wannabe Punisher looked much younger and didn't have the hobo beard he normally sported. Gwen didn't have time to dwell on her confusion either because they were close to being surrounded. She angled her wrists and shot out her webs at a sniper on the roof, gripping the web and throwing him down from the crate.

Gwen instinctively went for her mask, finding to her horror that it wasn't on her. Normally Venom would cover her face, but Venom wasn't here either. She grimaced as she kicked the man she'd pulled down and grabbed his gun. Now was not the time for her to fight hand to hand, and she did reluctantly have training on wielding firearms. Her displeasure hadn't stopped Matt from teaching it to her.

Her first instinct was to go for the head much to her shame, but she remembered she wasn't with Matt anymore. She didn't have to go for the kill. This wasn't one of her hits, so Gwen shot the goons legs that had come in.

"Get the kids out from the front, trust me I have super hearing," she told Castle, because she had a feeling whoever this was, didn't know her.

"Fuck another Red," he grumbled to himself. "Look kid, you take them to safety. You're in no condition to fight. Once you're a safe distance away, bunker down and wait for the police."

Gwen blinked in shock... had Castle just helped her out? She was more and more convinced this was just some weird look alike. A good twin maybe, because of course she had the worst luck to meet the evil one first. She wasn't going to look a gift horse in the mouth though. She could feel her ribs grind painfully together and she didn't have the energy to fight. If Castle was going to put his neck out for her, enough to get innocents to safety, she'd take it.

"Come on kids, time to skedaddle," she shouted.

"You really are Spider-Girl!"

Gwen smiled down at the mop of black hair she vaguely remembered to be the child she was sitting next to before.

"Did you just say skedaddle?" the snarky teen asked.

Gwen groaned. She had an easier time making terrible quips when she had a mask on. Going around with her face outside felt odd as Ghost-Spider.

"Yeah, don't question it. Just keep moving," she told the teenager from earlier.

The group, she noted, mostly consisted of five- to ten-year-olds with the odd young teen thrown into the mix. It made Gwen angry. This was the kind of shit even Matt didn't do. Her heart constricted at the thought of him, but she pushed forward. Mid way through the escape out the docks, she was met with five armed men waiting out the front. Gwen cursed as she rushed in front of the whimpering children.

"Don't play hero, brat. All of you down on your knees now!"

Gwen pulled up the gun and cursed at how un-spidey this was like. She didn't put it down. The kids couldn't go back. If they did, they'd be in for a much worse fate than death. Gwen knew, because she'd stormed into the sex dungeons, and organ harvesting operations and seen what happened once they'd be sold. She didn't have venom, and she was tired, but fuck if she'd let these low lives do that to kids under her watch. She shot one man in the arms, jumping in the way of a bullet so it wouldn't hit the kid behind her, and using her good arm to shoot a web at the man to the rights face. She heaved with all her might, using the web to smash his head against the man next to him and swinging him up in the air like a fish caught in a line. She didn't waste much time into smashing that man against the others and jumping into kick the remaining one in his balls, before throwing him off the bridge and into the water. Once she webbed them all up she fell to the ground, coughing up blood.

"Spider-Girl are you ok?!

The kids all crowded behind her and to her surprise it was the snarky teenager from earlier who helped her up. Gwen winced from the pain but gave all the kids a smile regardless.

"Y-yeah. You need to keep going ok. Everyone above the age of 14 please look out for the kids. Now come on the police should be here soon."

"You heard the Spider-gal!"

Gwen was more than grateful that there weren't any other thugs she had to fight because she heard Castle shout in pain. She looked at the cops all coming in and back at the docks. Fuck she couldn't let him die. She needed answers. Castle had those answers. She needed to know how much she could beat him up for what he did to Matt.

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but the Punisher needs my help," she sighed, pushing off the teen.

"You look like you'll cause more trouble than help," the teen replied.

"Who here knows how to use a gun? Yeah, thought so," Gwen replied. "You lot stay here."

Gwen ignored the screaming in her bones, driven by sheer adrenaline as she rushed back into the fight. She climbed up top one of the crates and readied the rifle she had taken earlier. She loaded the gun and shot the man fighting Castle on his knee. He fell to the ground and Gwen didn't waste time clicking the next round into place as she shot another man's arm. Castle took the assist with the grace of a veteran Navy Seal, using the panic of the goons now looking out for her gunfire, against them. They were down to five men now, but Gwen's luck ran out as she noticed a man climb up onto her crate. She twisted her wrists to shoot out her webs when she realised it had run out.

The man shot at her, and Gwen barely managed to twist her body away. He jumped onto her, gun aimed at her head, but she grabbed it and twisted his palm away. The gun dropped to the side and Gwen gasped in pain as he dug his knees into her shoulder where she had been shot. Whatever fight she had left was gone, and she came to the horrifying conclusion that she would die trying to save Frank Castle of all people. That would have been the case, if she hadn't heard the sound of another gun shot, and the subsequent spraying of warm brain and blood splattering against her face.

Her assailants body dropped limp to the side, and she gasped for air as she held her chest, looking up to see the face of one worried Punisher. She really needed to stop blacking out, but it was getting a little too hard to breathe.


A/N

I just really wanted to write a Gwen centric story set in the MCU. It didn't exist so I couldn't get my fix and wrote it myself. She's one of my fav spider people outside of Peter from the PS4 games, and I swear she needs her own animated show. Murderdock is also one of my fav villains. Gotta love evil Matt Murdock.

You can expect a lot of Frank Castle and Gwen bonding later down the line. Matt Murdock and Spider-Man will eventually make an appearance too, but it'll be mostly Punisher season 1 centric for the first few chapters.

Give me your thoughts on the story!