"Thanks again for bringing me back up here, Mr Andrews," Cynthia said once they came back up from the stairs Cynthia had come down from before and through the gate back up to First Class.
"It was no problem, Cynthia," Thomas said warmly. He then smiled, 'Perhaps I shall see you at dinner."
"Yes, maybe then, I guess I'll see you later," Cynthia smiled, as Thomas Andrews reached out his hand and Cynthia took it, shaking it.
"Goodbye, Cynthia."
"Goodbye, Mr Andrews."
And Cynthia turned and walked away, as she quickened her pace, she began to take the scarf from around her off and began to wrap it up with her arms. Hopefully, I'm not too late for dinner, she thought as she looked back at where she had just come.
She eventually made her way back towards her cabin and went in, Lillian then shortly came out of her room as Cynthia draped the scarf on the table and walked over to her bedroom.
"Ah, you're back Mrs," Lillian said as she followed after her, "How has your day been so far?"
"Yeah fine," Cynthia said, taking her camera and notebook on the vanity as Lillian began to help her change out of her red jumper dress.
Lillian undid Cynthia's corset and then tightened it back up again as she helped her take the dress off, and put her into a yellow gown with a black overlay and a train.
Cynthia sat down at the vanity as she pulled out a brush from the trinket box pulled her hair from its ponytail and began to brush through her hair and put it half up and half down, securing it with a gold, crown-like comb.
Lillian then helped Cynthia put on some white long gloves as Cynthia then changed out of her boots to some black stockings and some Yellow pumps.
"Right, I should be heading off then," Cynthia said, as she made her way to the door to the hallway.
"Very good, Have a good night Mrs."
"See ya, Lillian."
Cynthia then headed out of the door and made her way around to the grand staircase like she had done the previous night.
It was still just as spectacular as it had been before as Cynthia stood near the railing at looked at the dome. To think it might be all gone, She thought.
Cynthia sighed as she slowly made her way down the stairs, gently gazing at the other first-class passengers who were chatting with each other she eventually made her way down and leaned gently against one of the pillars, holding her hands gently as she glanced around.
How long is Rose going to be? She wondered.
A couple of minutes went by as Cynthia looked up at the staircase, hoping she would finally see her.
Instead, however, a gentleman came waltzing down, whom Cynthia had recognised from the night before, Rose's fiance; Cal.
Cynthia watched as he came down the stairs, and as he made his way down the last steps, he looked up at her and their eyes met. Is he gonna talk to me? She thought, I mean, Rose must have said something about me coming to dinner tonight right?
However, as quickly as she thought it, Cal then turned his head and walked right past her, and Cynthia watched as he walked to another woman, a woman who wasn't Rose and kissed her hand.
D- Did he just ignore me? She thought astonished, staring at Cal as he chatted with the women. She then left as Cal suddenly turned his head around, and his eyes lit up like he was just now noticing she was there, Cynthia could see his mouth open a bit and smile with his teeth, but she could tell quite clearly it wasn't genuine.
"I do believe that you were at our table last night," Cal said as he walked to Cynthia, "Towards the end I believe."
"Yes, I believe I was," Cynthia tried to smile politely as Cal grabbed Cynthia's right hand and brought it up to his lips, kissing it.
Cynthia stared at him blankly, she felt nothing from the kiss, no giddiness, no flattery. Nothing. He didn't even look up at her, she just stared down at his face, her mouth a thin line. She didn't even bother to hide her expression as Cal lifted his head and looked up at her still holding onto her hand as he did. His eyebrows furrowed at Cynthia's expression as she curled her lips up into a smile, briefly.
Cal smiled a bit as he then shook Cynthia's hand, "Caledon Hockley."
"Cynthia Thorntell."
"Yes, I believe you were talking to my fiance last night, weren't you?"
"Rose? Yes, well I was sitting next to her."
"Yes, and what exactly were you talking about then, I don't think I've seen her so chatty at dinner."
"Oh you know, just traveling and stuff."
"Travelling? Well, that must be exhausting to talk about, especially with my fiance."
Cynthia wanted desperately to twitch her eyes, instead however, she found herself clenching her dress with her other hand as she politely smiled. "Not at all, Rose was an absolute delight last night, absolutely wonderful. And hopeful the people tonight at dinner are just as wonderful as she is."
Cal let out a laugh, but Cynthia could see in his eyes that Cal didn't quite get what she was saying. He then seemed to be thinking about something before he spoke again.
"Ah that's right, Rose mentioned that you'd be joining us for dinner tonight, didn't she?"
"Yes."
"Then you wouldn't mind me accompanying you to dinner this evening?" Cal asked, raising his arm to Cynthia, smiling with his teeth.
"No thanks, sorry" Cynthia waved him off, "I think I'm still waiting for someone."
Cal blinked a bit as he lowered his arm.
"Very well," he smiled, "See you at dinner." And he then turned and walked away, Cynthia watched him. Yeah, I'm not really liking him, nah. No way.
Cynthia then turned her head back towards the staircase, just to have another look at, how beautiful it was.
However, as she did, her eyes shifted away only for a split second and then her eyes fixated on someone, someone who was much more beautiful than the grand staircase.
Rose stood atop the staircase, staring down at Cynthia, a warm smile on her dark red lips. She wore a black and white tiered evening dress with a dark red bodice and white gloves, with gold drop earrings and a necklace.
Cynthia's gaze softened at the sight of her, her lips rounded slightly as she turned her whale body towards her. She almost felt entranced seeing her, it was like no one else was there, it was her and Rose, alone in this place It made her almost forget about her encounter with Cal just then. To Cynthia in those few seconds, it had felt like forever.
And then she remembered where she was, what she was doing there, and she shook herself out of it and smiled, quickly running up the stairs, until she was standing right next to her.
"Hey," Cynthia smiled warmly, Rose did the same.
"Hello again."
"So how was your afternoon?" Cynthia asked.
Rose seemed to ponder for a moment. "Tolerable. You?"
"Alright here and there, hopefully tonight is going to make it even better."
Rose let out a soft chuckle, smiling. It made Cynthia soften even more as she as she held her arm out to her. Rose looked down at it, her eyes looked surprised for a moment, then she smiled again as she took Cynthia's arm and they linked arms as they descended the grand staircase.
"So how was Lunch?" Cynthia asked.
Rose scoffed, almost smiling.
"So I'm guessing not well then?"
"They can be so irritable, honestly."
"Well, they'd better behave tonight, no one's gonna ruin our night tonight but us."
Rose laughed and Cynthia smiled, and she felt a warmness come to her cheeks. Yeah, tonight's gonna be fine.
Rose and Cynthia together then made their way down the staircase until they made their way into the dining saloon. It was packed, much like it had the previous night and it was here that Cynthia removed her arm from Rose. Might be a bit weird still in this time period for two girls to be escorting themselves together to dinner, She thought as she glanced over at Rose, who was looking at some of the other passengers.
Suddenly she nudged at Cynthia, "That's John Jacob Astor," she said quietly, enough that Cynthia had to lean in to hear her. She then pointed out to two well-dressed passengers; a man and a woman. Cynthia immediately recognised them both with Rose even needing to say their names. The man was indeed as Rose said John Jacob Astor, and the woman he was talking to was his wife, Madeline, who looked very much closer to Cynthia and Rose's age.
"I'm pretty sure that she's pregnant," Rose whispered to Cynthia.
"How do you know?" Cynthia whispered back.
"She hasn't been having any of the champagne, I saw her at dinner, she had nothing to drink the whole evening. Quite scandalous isn't it?" Rose smiled at the last bit, but Cynthia looked at her a bit confused.
"What's so scandalous about it?"
Rose stared at Cynthia, blinking a few times and she too looked a bit confused at Cynthia's question. Cynthia could see the oddity in her eyes like she was trying to figure out what she wanted to say. Cynthia was also thinking, and then she suddenly remembered what little she knew of social education in the 20th century.
She was already pregnant before they got married. Ah yes, premarital sex is still a thing here, isn't it?
Cynthia almost wanted to say, "You guys still get up in arms about people having sex before marriage huh?" But she didn't, she knew that would very much give herself away.
Rose began to say something, "Well, she's pregnant… and she just got-"
"Ah yes now I remember," Cynthia said gently interrupting her, "We don't really have that.. stigma? Yeah stigma, it's not really something prevalent anymore where I'm from. Well, there are some people, older people mostly who still rag on a out it, but the main consensus is that no one… really cares… about it."
Rose's eyebrows raised in surprise.
"Really?"
"Yeah, pretty sure I'm right, yeah."
"Where you're from sounds…"
"What?"
Rose looked away for a moment, looking at the tables.
"Very different from where I'm from."
Cynthia stared at her, her gaze softened as she reached her hand over to hers and gently pressed gave it a squeeze.
Rose looked a bit surprised at Cynthia who looked at her reassuringly.
"That may be true, but I don't that it really matters, at least not to me."
Rose stared at her in disbelief.
Cynthia continued.
"Your background and your family aren't going to change anything, they can say and do whatever they want. But they wouldn't be you, Rose."
Rose blinked a few times and it was only then that Cynthia realised what she had been saying.
"Wow, that got a bit, real, huh?" She let out a laugh as Rose stared at her. She seemed to sort of put herself together a bit.
"Yes…"
"Umm, right, we should probably head to dinner then, shouldn't we?"
"Yes," Rose said, now back to smiling as she linked her arm once said with Cynthia's who looked a bit surprised at this gesture as they continued to walk through the dining saloon.
Rose was leading the way as she seemed to be heading towards an older woman, a woman that Cynthia recognised from dinner last night; Rose's mother.
She wore a long black and golden dress.
"Mother?" Rose said gently as they approached her. Her mother then turned around and looked at them.
"You remember Cynthia? She was sitting with us at the end of dinner last night."
Rose's mother looked from Rose and then to Cynthia. There was no warmth of joy in her eyes, only coldness.
"Yes," she said slowly, looking up and down at Cynthia "I remember you were with us last night, don't remember getting your name."
"Cynthia Thorntell," Cynthia said, trying to sound confident as she let go of Rose's arm and held it out.
Ruth looked down at her hand and slowly, and to at least Cynthia looked reluctantly shook it, "Ruth Dewitt Bukater."
"Tell me Cynthia, who are you happening to be having dinner with this evening."
Rose looked a bit confused, "She's dining with us, remember? I told you after lunch."
"Oh yes," Ruth said, nodding slightly, but she didn't look that convinced. "Well then, I'll see you both at dinner then."
Ruth took one last look at Cynthia before she turned around.
Thank God Rose is nothing like her, Cynthia thought as she watched Ruth walk away.
The two then their way along and finally made it to their table. There were already people who had sat down whose faces Cynthia recognised from last night. Ruth and Cal were already in their seats, as well as Lucile and Sir Cosmo Gordon.
John and Madeline were also seated and both looked up as Rose and Cynthia arrived at the table.
"JJ, Maddie I'd like you to meet Cynthia Thorntell" Rose said, gesturing to Cynthia. Cynthia then reached out her hand, as did Madeline and they both shook it.
"How do you do?"
"Good, nice to meet you."
"Hello, Cynthia," John says as Cynthia then reaches and shakes his hand.
Cynthia and Rose then took the last two seats. Cynthia now sat with Maddaline on her left and Rose sat on her right, next to Cal who turned and smiled at Rose as she sat down. There was a lot of chatter at the table.
"Tell me Cynthia, how have you been finding the first-class amendments so far?" Ruth asked.
Cynthia looked up, still holding her bread roll in her hand.
"Been pretty good so far," Cynthia said honestly. Looking from Ruth to Rose.
Rose then leaned forward a bit, "And it turns out Cynthia here is quite a fine photographer, she was kind enough to show me some of her work today."
Rose's eyes then looked to Cynthia and she smiled, and Cynthia felt her cheeks feel a bit hot for a moment.
"Photography?" Cal said as he began to put food on his plate from one of the waiter's trays, "That's an interesting hobby."
"Well it's very important to my family," Cynthia said, plastering a smile as took another bite of her bread.
"So where exactly is Mr Thorntell this evening?" Ruth asked, taking a sip of her champagne.
"Oh there's no Mr Thorntell or anyone really," Cynthia laughed slightly, "I'm not married."
"Ah."
Ruth's eyebrows raised up slightly, but other than that she didn't look that surprised, at least to Cynthia. "And why is that?"
Cynthia shrugged a bit and smiled a bit, "Well, right now marriage isn't the most important thing for me."
Rose was looking at Cynthia when she spoke and smiled at her words.
Ruth smiled, but Cynthia could tell it didn't look quite right, her mouth looked her tight in its smile-like, unlike Rose's which came naturally. Cynthia couldn't help but feel like she had seen that kind of smile before. Yes, Rachel had smiled at her like that before.
"And where are your parents from Cynthia?"
"Europe both of them," Cynthia answered, "I'm actually going to be meeting up with them once we get into New York."
This was really technically a lie
"And you're travelling all by yourself? Seems a bit unlikely that you'd manage without some kind of spouse or partner."
At this point, Cynthia felt a great urge to twitch her eyes at Ruth who stared at her, waiting for an answer. She knew what she was trying to do, as Cynthia felt her clutch her dress a bit. She thought a bit about how she would respond as she held her hands out in front of her on the table, plastering a polite smile, and looking directly at Ruth.
"Well I am an adult, much like everyone else here I'm sure I can handle a little boat trip down the Atlantic."
Everyone at the table seemed to laugh at this and Cynthia smiled triumphantly at Ruth, whose eyes seemed to have gone a bit glacy as she took a bite from one of the platters. It seemed that she'd stop asking questions. For now.
"So you do photography?" Cal said and Cynthia turned her attention to him as the waiters began to place soup bowls on everyone's plates.
"Hmm," Cynthia hummed, her eyes now fixed on Cal.
"That's an… interesting hobby. Do you know anyone else with that interest?"
"Well, my family obviously, it's very important on both sides."
"How interesting," Cal says with a smile as he takes a sip of his champagne, though his expression reads more as disinterested.
More food came along from the waiters and everyone from the table began to dig into dinner. Cynthia turned to Rose a bit and smiled.
"So you finished unpacking your paintings?"
Rose turned her head to Cynthia, putting a piece of steak in her mouth.
"Pretty much, it's gonna be a pain to pack them up when we arrive."
"Yeah, that'll suck. I mean, you can always stay late. Say you already feel like you're at home and you can't bear to leave the ship just yet," Cynthia said in a sarcastically enthusiastic voice.
Rose let out a chuckle.
"They'd have a hard time getting-"
"You two to have been quite acquainted with each other already," Cal interrupted, leaning towards Rose. Cynthia stared at Cal blinking a few times.
"Yes well, that's what happens when you talk to people you like." She quickly realised what she just said like a dear in headlights, "I mean when you talk to people you want to get to know them." She nodded as she began to take a few bites out of her food.
Cal looked at her oddly, before speaking again.
"So, Cynthia, what does your father do then?"
Fuck, Cynthia thought, and she quickly said, "Business Tycoon."
"Oh really? What does he do then?"
"He's a proprietor at a law firm." Cynthia nods, hoping that will sell her lie.
"I see," Cal said bemused, trying to hold his smile as began to eat his dinner.
"Tell me, Cynthia," Ruth said, taking a sip from her champagne, "What was it that you were doing before boarding?"
She's still on it? Cynthia thought, trying to hide how irritable it was that Ruth was speaking to her.
"Traveling abroad," Cynthia answered plainly. Can I talk to Rose now?
"And you find that appealing do you when travelling by yourself without any sort of fan to escort you?."
Cynthia clenched her dress harder. "I wasn't alone," Cynthia said politely, trying not to sound assertive, "I had people with me, people… I didn't really know," The image of Rachel, Betham and Natalie came into her mind. "I went to all sorts of places with them, Paris, Germany, even Sweden."
"You really did that?" Madeline asked, Cynthia turned to her.
"Yeah, stayed up there for a couple of weeks at each place. Was a lot of fun."
"And how did the people with you enjoy it then?' Ruth asked.
Cynthia turned and looked at her, her heart started to quicken a bit as she fumbled with her dress under the table.
"Fine I believe," Cynthia said, trying to think of her words, she glanced from Ruth to Rose.
"And I presume you met them before you went abroad I believe?"
Cynthia looked down at her plate, her fingers tightening on her dress as she tried to make herself relax. Why do you keep asking? Why?
"They were acquaintances of mine," Cynthia said, looking up at Ruth, putting her polite smile back on.
Rose looked at her confused, Cynthia could see her from the corner of her eyes but kept looking at Ruth.
"I see, and ah, are these friends of yours on the ships as well?"
"No, they didn't know that I was boarding. Much more pressing things came up before I could say goodbye to them."
That's technically true, Cynthia thought, she wanted to laugh but nothing about this conversation was making her feel like it. The atmosphere was just dreadful, not even Rose's presence could put her back into a happy mood.
"So, you here on this ship by yourself then?" Ruth said, looking at Cynthia intently.
Shut up, Cynthia thought bitterly, Shut up, shut up, shut up.
"I'm not alone, especially on this ship," Cynthia said, trying to sound confident again, "I've already met wonderful people on this, so by that count, I'm not alone. Not truly."
Ruth seemed to frown, at least that's what Cynthia could tell as she began to go back to eating her food. Cynthia wanted to sigh, she seemed to be done with grilling her for questions.
Cynthia looked down at her own plate and began to dig into what was on her plate.
Am I really still thinking about them? Cynthia thought as she ate. It's so stupid, it's not even important any more right, there's better stuffy to be thinking of right now.
Cynthia found herself looking at the other guests at the table, all of whom were busy talking to each other, nothing that Cynthia could get understand what exactly it was they were all talking.
Rose and Maddeline were also talking and felt Cynthia space out a bit as they talked, and her eyes found themselves on Maddeline's glass.
She hadn't drunken anything from it.
That's right, she was pregnant at the time of the sinking. Cynthia remembered. She gave birth to a boy in August.
And then she suddenly remembered as she looked at John.
He doesn't survive, he dies in the sinking, and he never gets to meet his son.
"Cynthia."
Cynthia shot her head back and looked to Rose who nudging at her.
"Do you know how anything more your great-grandmother? I was just curious."
Cynthia smiled at her, her gaze softening. "Oh yeah. I mean, we don't know too much about what she was doing before she left her parents, but we know she stayed in america for a couple of years. Took her years before she could get back to Europe."
"Why, why couldn't she go?"
World War I.
"Earthquakes," Cynthia lied.
'Earthquakes?"
"Yeah, they kept happening around, wasn't really safe for any ships to go."
Rose looked a bit puzzled but nodded.
"Yeah, she actually met my great grandfather when she was in London," Cynthia continued, "got married and had my Grandma and my great aunts and uncles and travelled around Europe for a little while."
"What else did she do?"
Cleaner on war ships in Word War I, a Dance performer at night clubs during the 1920s, be a teacher in the 1930s.
"Worked as a nurse for a little while, then became a train stewardess."
"And, where exactly were her parents in all this?" Cal asked, taking a sip from his soup. Cynthia and Rose turned and looked at him.
"Don't know, she didn't want to see them when she came to America," Cynthia said matter-of-factly.
"Well that sounds quite
"She did what she had to do at the time, she did what was best for herself and what she wanted, something Cal fortunately never got to understand. And besides, she was really brave for what she did, and I'm proud of her for that... And Cynthia then negative to take sup from her glass.
Thank you.
Cynthia spluttered a bit at her drink, moving it away from her lips.
"You alright?" Rose asked gently as Cynthia reached for her napkin.
"Yeah good, just went down the wrong way."
Those weren't my thoughts. Cynthia looked around, for anything, maybe anyone who may have just passed her. Nothing, everyone was still seated, some were getting up and some were leaving but they were absolutely nowhere near her. Why does this keep happening?
Cynthia turned her head back to the table as her eyes glanced over to Rose and Cal. Rose was putting some food from the platter the waiters were holding out, and Cal seemed to no5ic3 as to Cynthia's shock, was taking the food Rose had put on her plate and put it back.
"You don't really need to try this," He was saying to Rose as he did so. Rose held her lip in a thin line, clearly trying not to say anything, but Cynthia could tell she was annoyed.
Cynthia bit her lip as squinted her eyes at Cal. She felt a great urge to say something. She can eat what she wants Cal, or something to those lines, something that would absolutely stop Cal dead in his tracks.
But she was still in first-class, she was still in Maybelle's body and she was very much surrounded by, in terms of the status of the passengers of the ship; Royalty. And to the crew, Lillian, Herman and a few of the others on the ship, She was Maybelle Cornell and anything she said or did would reflect back on her.
Cynthia was just very different from Maybelle, maybe even Rose. After all, they were in many ways Royalty, Cynthia was not. She was an imposter amongst them, a false royal, wearing gowns and jewellery that did not belong to her.
So instead, she gently moved her plate closer to Rose and scooted closer towards her.
"Honestly Rose, you gotta try some of this," Cynthia said enthusiastically as she began to put some of her food on her plate on Rose's plate. Rose looked a bit surprised as Cynthia was putting the same food that Cal had just taken from Rose's plate.
Rose looked a bit confused at first but seemed to catch on to what Cynthia was trying to do and smiled.
"Thank you," She mouthed as Cynthia smiled, and her eyes looked over to Cal's who looked at her, his eyes squinted a bit like he couldn't understand before taking a sip of his champagne. Ruth looked down at her as she took another bite of her steak, but Cynthia took no mind.
Dinner continued with more laughter and chatter amongst everyone and all the while Cynthia had tried to retain her smile, except now it was starting to feel exhausted. Ruth's voice had now become irritable throughout the night, as did the many questions she shot towards Cynthia.
"And where do your parents come from Cynthia?"
"And where did they get their education from?"
"How long have they been in America for?"
And then came the comments on the answers Cynthia gave.
"And you're mother is fine with you gallivanting off then?"
"Your mother married a bit old, didn't she?"
"Your parents must be… quite anomalous."
At least my parents aren't full of themselves and aren't an uptight bi-
Cynthia calmed hersed of her thoughts, the more she thought of Ruth the more it exhausted her.
And it made her thoughts go…
She breathed in a bit and smiled as she answered any of Ruth's questions and any of her comments. Though every time she did, she could feel her smile faltering every so often.
Eventually, the men left the table much like they had done the night prior for cigarettes, and it was soon just the women left at the table.
Not long after the men had left, Cynthia got up. She had had enough.
"Alright, I think I'll be heading off then," Cynthia said, smiling politely.
Rose looked a bit surprised and put her hands on her chair to almost bring herself up like she too was about to stand up.
"I can walk you back to your cabin if you like-"
"No, no," Cynthia said a bit firmly, gesturing her to sit down, "I'll be alright."
Rose looked a bit surprised, her eyes almost seemed hurt as she sat back down in her seat.
Cynthia already was feeling bad, but seeing Rose like that for even seconds was crushing her.
"Thanks, Rose," Cynthia said gently, hoping her smile would give Rose some ease, "I'll see you later,"
"Right." Rose nodded.
"Night Rose."
"Night Cynthia."
Cynthia nodded and gave a polite smile to the rest of the table as she put on her gloves again and she turned around and left the table.
She made her way out of the dining saloon, she only glanced back to the table to Rose, who seemed to have the same expression she had when she first saw her; Boredom.
Cynthia frowned as she walked away. Everything that had happened to her that night, all that was said, all that Ruth and Cal had said was eating away at her mind as she made her way up the grand staircase. It kept that way as she made her way into her cabin and went inside.
"So, you here on this ship by yourself then?
"And what of your parent's morals?"
"And you didn't even tell them you were going?"
Ruth's and Cal's words spiraled around her mind as she went into her bedroom and closed the door.
I just need to get this off, Cynthia thought as she began to peel off her gloves. That was easy enough as threw them on the vanity. She then reached out to the back of the dress, I just need to take this off.
She began to grab at the back of the dress, trying to pull it down off her body. Cynthia had only noticed it now, but the dress felt like it was tightening around her the more she reached and grabbed, but she continued nonetheless.
Come on, just get off-
Her fingers then moved and pulled out the hair comb in her hair, gently throwing it on the vanity as she pulled her hair out and let it down, and then her fingers and hands went back to the dress.
The more she clawed at the dress, it felt like it was a cage that was gradually closing in on her. Cynthia felt her eyes begin to water slightly as Ruth's comments barraged in her mind, and then, those thoughts of Ruth turned into her worst thoughts; Rachel, Bethan and Natalie. The image of them, which had been persistent at the back of her mind at dinner now came in full force.
Why why am I thinking of you now?
And then the tears came down, and she let out a cry. Why do they matter, they are terrible, they had to have been terrible, otherwise why did they do that to her? Why were they still in her mind after everything that had happened?
Cynthia's eyes darted at the vanity and frantically opened one of the draws which had the photo album in it. Through her tears she began to pull out the photos, the memories, the smiling faces, her smiling and beaming happy face. She began to pull them out frantically until it was completely empty and then she dropped the empty album and held all of the photos she had with her friends. No, they weren't her friends she thought again.
She clutched at them tightly, the tears streamed down her face as she brought them down to her chest. She started to turn them, but as she did, her mind went back to those happy memories, her happy memories that they had together through high school, through school camps and sleepovers, through trips and hardships they went gone together. Some of them had to be real right? They couldn't have really thought that way of her the whole time, could they? They did care about her the way Cynthia cared about them, right?
She looked down at the photographs, her eyes much water as she realised what she could not do. Her grip on them tightened though, and in her frustration, she flung them all into the air. They began to scatter as Cynthia sobbed to herself. Why, Why?
Cynthia then flung herself on her back on the bed and stared up at the ceiling.
Why am I still thinking about them?
Cynthia lay there as she thought of it. How was it that 96 years in the past she was still thinking of them, that they were still in her mind? How could she still be thinking of them when she was on one of the largest ships of the time she was in? There were so many more important things to be thinking about, So why did they take up most of her mind?
Cynthia's eyes then glanced over to the dressing table, and she could her feet and part of her body in the reflection.
And without really thinking about it, she began to sing to herself, not in a singy sought of voice, as her voice was strained.
"Oh, think twice, 'cause it's another day for you and me in paradise."
"Oh think twice, 'cause it's another day for you, for you and me in paradise."
She let out a sigh as she tilted her head up and looked at the ceiling again and she just stared at it, her mind going blank and void as she relaxed a bit on the bed.
She didn't know how long she lay on that bed, it felt like an eternity, and even then it didn't feel quite long enough for her.
The sitting room door burst open it snapped Cynthia out of her dazed trance.
Cynthia looked wildly around, the photos were still scattered around her bed and she sat up. Then quite quickly and immediately, she began to grab and pick up the photos as quickly as possible, as she did the bed creaked from under her.
"Mrs Cornell?" Lillian's voice called out from the sitting room. Cynthia's eyes shot over to the door. Cynthia moved quickly off the bed as she managed to grab te last few photos and stuffed them back into the drawer they were in.
"Yeah, I'm in here," Cynthia said in a high-pitched voice, quickly shutting the drawer and sitting her shelf back on the bed. There were some footsteps from the sitting room and Cynthia's bedroom door gently flung open, with Lillian standing outside the door.
"Ah, you're back Mrs," She said with a smile, but her smile soon faded when she saw Cynthia's appearance. "How long have you been waiting for?"
"Oh not long," Cynthia lied as Lillian walked over to her, genuine concern in her eyes, she had no idea how long it had been since she came back, "I was just feeling a bit tired from dinner tonight."
"I see," Lillian said, "Are you needing help getting undressed."
"Yes," Cynthia said quickly as she stood up.
Lillian nodded as she helped Cynthia take off the yellow and black gown and into her nightgown once again.
"I shall leave you to it Mrs," Lillian nodded to Cynthia before heading towards the door.
"Goodnight Mrs Cornell."
"Goodnight Lillian."
Lillian then shut the door and Cynthia could hear her footsteps as she presumably went towards her room.
Cynthia then slowly walked over to the door flicked off the switch and then made her way into bed. She stared up at the ceiling as she felt herself putting a hand on her face, trying to feel if she still had tears down her cheeks. There was none; thank god.
Her mind then went back to dinner, back to the people at the table, back to Ruth and Cal.
Are all first-class people that bitchy?
But then Rose came into her mind, and that word felt like venom. Bitchy was the word that Cynthia could describe Rose as.
No not Rose, Rose is nothing like her mother, she's got far more class than anyone, she's got more stuff on her mind than that.
She then turned herself so she was on her side, her eyes looking towards the dressing table. She knew she had a lot to do tomorrow, and a lot of things were still being counted on her. And the image of Jack and Rose came into her mind, the first time she had thought of the two at the same time.
They're going to be fine, I'll be sure of that.
And thus, she closed her eyes and soon enough she fell asleep.
It was now 3 days till the sinking.
