Chapter 2: Remedial Lessons with Tutor Snape
Lily I
Saturday, 18 June 1977
A knock at the door abruptly shook Lily awake. She let out a groan and checked the time, seeing that it was, in fact, 6:00 in the morning. She sat up and yawned, calling out, "Yes?"
"I'm going to put the eggs on," Severus said from the other side. "Did I wake you?"
"Yeah."
"Sorry."
"No, we agreed 6:00 was a good time. I'll be down in a bit." Lily hurried out of bed and got her dressing gown on before checking her reflection in the mirror. Her hair, which she preferred at shoulder-length, was starting to grow a bit too long, but she would worry about that later tonight. She ran through her hair with a brush, forcing all the kinks out, before checking to make sure there wasn't anything unsightly about her. Satisfied (at least for now), she left the bedroom and made her way downstairs.
Lily could hear Severus working in the kitchen, and she walked over from the staircase to check and see how everything was coming along. There was a pan with boiling water, as well as two cracked eggs inside.
"I know you like them poached," Severus said. "It's not much, but we'll have snacks on the train, I assume."
"Alright." Lily almost went to sit down in the sitting room, but she found herself glued to where she stood as she grasped the sort of situation she was in.
She was living with Severus. She was living in Severus Snape's house!
Lily felt her face redden as she grew self-conscious, pulling her dressing gown tightly around her in case something slipped out by accident.
"Salt or lemon?" Severus asked.
"Lemon?"
"... was that a question or an answer?"
"A question."
"I find it pairs well."
"... I'll just have salt, thank you." Lily stepped aside as Severus brought out two plates of poached eggs on toast, setting them down on the sitting room table along with cutlery.
"Tea?"
"Yes, please." Lily sat awkwardly as she watched Severus work. Even now, he was waiting on her hand and foot. "Sev?"
"Yes?" Severus sat down beside her, setting the teacups down and pouring. He looked… disturbingly at ease, something which looked completely unnatural on him ever since they started Hogwarts. Not that there was anything wrong with that (he looked much happier than usual), but….
"You seem different."
"In what way?" Severus's state of ease quickly turned to concern, and Lily regretted opening her mouth.
"In a good way," Lily explained, hoping he would go back to it. "It's been a while since I've seen you like this."
"I see." Severus took a sip of tea.
"Did something happen?"
"... I know we're not quite done with the list," Severus said, his voice becoming more subdued, "but I'm glad we've started it."
"Has it helped?"
Severus nodded, and the small, crooked smile that appeared on his lips made Lily feel… odd. "I think it has. I feel lighter."
"Must make it easier for you to fly," Lily joked.
To her utter surprise, Severus let out a small laugh. "Almost."
"... I like the change," Lily said.
"I take it you're not fond of how I was before."
"I like some variety every now and then," Lily replied playfully.
For some reason, Severus's face reddened slightly. He cleared his throat and said, "Well, we ought to eat. We have to be on the train soon to not raise suspicion."
"Right." As Lily took the first bite of her egg (which was phenomenal), she glanced over at Severus, who seemed fixated on his food, as though he was trying to take his mind off of something. She'd seen him with this expression before, but this was the first time she'd properly thought about what it meant. "Sev?"
"Yes?"
"Is something wrong?"
"No."
Lily didn't believe him. "On the list, you wrote down 'trust' as one of my problems."
Severus seemed bothered by Lily's words, but he decided to give her an answer. "I'll admit that I'm a little bothered by our living arrangement."
"If you want me to move out-"
"No," Severus said quickly. "That's not the problem. I'm a bit nervous."
Lily was about to ask him what he meant, but the reason was too obvious. "... we could establish some rules for while I'm living here, if you want. Is there anything I'm not allowed to do?"
Severus looked like he wanted to answer, but he remained silent.
"Trust goes both ways," Lily said.
"... alright," Severus said, finishing his breakfast. "You're not allowed to go into my wardrobe."
"... is that it?"
"That's it."
"Oh. I was expecting a bit more than that."
"That's as far as what you're not allowed to do at home. As far as leaving the house goes, transfigure yourself first."
Lily wasn't sure what he meant. "Why?"
"You know Tom Riddle, right? Who he actually is?"
Lily nodded slowly.
"If he knows you by appearance and name, then you could be a target. He'll use you to get to me."
On some level, Lily understood this, but it wasn't until now that she fully understood how this would impact her life. She felt uneasy about having to hide away for the summer, perhaps even until Voldemort was defeated. "What about the movie?"
"We can still go," Severus said. "I don't think they would even consider your family."
"Oh, speaking of which: how do we contact Mum and Tuney?"
"You could send letters through Snarky, and Snarky could go to the Muggle Liaison Office with the letter. I'll help you, if you'll allow it."
"... you've put some thought into this."
"I have to."
Lily realized her breakfast was getting cold, so she finished as quickly as possible. "Right. Train?"
Severus nodded. "Snarky?"
Pop. "Sir?"
"We have to go back onto the train so people think we're still there."
"Ah," Snarky said, an odd tone in his voice. "Snarky has been told to tell Severus Snape and Lily Evans that Headmaster Dumbledore will be Apparating Severus Snape, Lily Evans, and Regulus Black back to Hogwarts."
"Very well. One moment." Severus hurried upstairs, only to return with his trunk. "Ready?"
"Why are you taking that?" Lily asked.
"People saw me with it yesterday."
"Oh. I'm ready, then."
Severus and Lily took Snarky's hands, and there was a sudden pulling sensation as they Disapparated from Spinner's End, finding themselves back on the Hogwarts Express, in Severus's cabin. "Another thing," Snarky said, "is that Snarky will be ferrying Severus Snape and Lily Evans to and from the castle when needed."
"Thank-"
"Snarky will be leaving," Snarky said, cutting Lily off. Pop.
"... he seems nice," Lily said dryly.
"He's busy," Severus explained. "Dumbledore's hosting the Auror Training Program at the castle again."
"He told you that?"
Severus nodded. "I'll be tutoring, so he told me in advance."
There was a sudden knock on the cabin door, and Lily jumped. "Mr. Snape?" It was Dumbledore.
Severus passed Lily and opened it, revealing both Dumbledore and Regulus Black. "Good morning, sir."
"I assume Snarky has informed you of my arrival?"
"He has."
Dumbledore looked past Severus and at Lily, and she could see there was a twinkle in his eye. "Ah, was I interrupting something?"
"Certainly not, sir," Severus replied quickly. "Lily just stopped by to wish me a good morning."
Lily saw an odd look on Regulus's face before the boy responded. "Rather prudent of you, Evans."
"Well, yes," Lily said, forcing herself to be polite to him.
"Shall we return?" Dumbledore asked, holding out his arm.
Severus grabbed his trunk and took Dumbledore's arm, and Lily and Regulus followed. The four of them Disapparated, arriving at the foot of the Grand Staircase.
"Now, as I've told Mr. Snape," Dumbledore said, "Hogwarts will once more be hosting the Auror Training Program. As such, I think you'll find the castle to be more lively than you may have anticipated. Miss Evans, Mr. Black, I expect the two of you to assist the trainees during their time here, within reason."
"Of course, sir," Regulus replied smoothly.
"As for you, Mr. Snape," Dumbledore continued, turning to address Severus, "Auror Scrimgeour has invited you to attend a few of the lessons in your spare time, should you be willing. Your reputation has been making the rounds at the Auror Office."
"Wonderful," Severus said, sounding as though he was trying (and failing) to bite back his sarcasm. "I'd be happy to attend."
"They will be arriving tomorrow morning," Dumbledore said with a smile, "so if all three of you could meet with Mr. Filch right here at 9:00 AM, you could help greet them and lead them to their quarters in the common rooms."
"Is that where they're staying?" Lily asked in surprise.
"Yes, indeed," Dumbledore answered. "And perhaps to your surprise, Trainees Moody, Shacklebolt, and Alice Longbottom will be residing in Gryffindor, while Frank Longbottom will be in Hufflepuff.
Alice in Gryffindor? Lily had hoped she and Mary would be the only ones in Gryffindor over the summer, but if Alice was staying, and if she was staying in the seventh-year dorm room, that could cause problems. How was Lily supposed to sneak away without raising suspicions?
"Anyway," Dumbledore said, "I think I will speak with Mr. Snape in private. You two are dismissed."
"Thank you, sir," Lily and Regulus said simultaneously, causing the two of them to lock eyes. Lily didn't like Sirius's brother, but at least she could trust the fact that she couldn't trust him.
Lily made her way up the staircase and onto the seventh floor, entering the Gryffindor common room to find Mary playing with Brandy. The cruppy sat up, wagging her two tails and rushing over to Lily. As Brandy hopped up and down in excitement, she slowed and sat back down, as though she had become apprehensive of Lily. She leaned her small nose forward and sniffed Lily's leg before letting out a low growl.
"Brandy?" Mary came over and picked Brandy up. "What's the matter, girl? It's just Lily."
"It was a long train ride," Lily said. "I might need a shower."
"Maybe." Mary looked up at Lily and smiled. "So… how did the talk go?"
"I think it's working," Lily said, "but there are still a few things we have to go through."
"How is he?"
Lily wasn't even sure how to explain, not only in terms of what Severus was like at home (something she couldn't tell Mary about) but also what he'd been through. But she tried anyway. "He…."
"Yeah?"
"I didn't realize how much he blames himself for everything."
"... oh. Yeah." Mary scratched Brandy behind the ear. "You're remembering not to pity him, right?"
Lily nodded. "I think so."
"And you're asking him to explain himself?"
"Of course."
"Good." Mary seemed relieved.
"I've been meaning to ask," Lily said, "but why did you and Marley choose those two points?"
"Well," Mary answered, "from what I've gathered… Severus doesn't think he has much power. I think that was his main reason for… well, you know."
"Right, but… what does that have to….?" Lily stopped herself. "... I made him feel powerless?"
Mary didn't say anything, but the silence was telling.
"... that makes sense," Lily said, slowing her breathing to stay calm. "He mentioned trust as one of his big issues."
"He doesn't trust you?"
"I didn't trust him. I stopped listening to him, and… God, it all makes sense now."
"Didn't you two talk about that?" Mary asked curiously.
"He never brought this up," Lily explained.
"Maybe he thinks he's not allowed to?"
"Of course, he's allowed to!"
"Does he know that?"
"I'd expect him to, yes."
Mary raised an eyebrow, and if she wasn't already holding Brandy, Lily thought she might cross her arms. "You… expect him to?"
It was always a sobering experience for Lily when she was being lectured by a girl three years her junior. "I'll bring it up."
"Just be careful when you do," Mary said. "If you're too direct, he might take it the wrong way."
"How did you figure all of this out?"
"I paid attention."
"... ouch."
"Sorry."
"No, I had that coming," Lily said. Just then, she remembered what Dumbledore had said earlier. "Oh, by the way, the castle's hosting the Auror Training Program this summer. Alice is staying with us!"
"Really?!" Mary asked excitedly.
"Alice, Frank, Moody, Shacklebolt. Probably a few more."
"... ohh," Mary said with a mischievous smirk. "So… do you think Alice would try to sneak in some Franky-panky?"
Lily snorted with laughter. "If she does, I'll politely remind her what happens to boys when they try to come into our dorm."
Severus I
"How was your first night?" Dumbledore asked as he helped himself to a cup of tea.
"... we had fish and chips," Severus replied. "They turned out well."
"I made sure you had the best ingredients, of course."
"I'll make sure to pay you back."
"You're not very good at accepting gifts, are you?"
"Never."
Dumbledore gave Severus a small smile. "Anyway, let us discuss the reason I've brought you here. You are aware, of course, of your new duties as Prefect and tutor, correct?"
"Correct."
"Well," Dumbledore said, "as you are aware, the Auror trainees coming to spend the summer here know of your reputation."
"What are you implying?"
"You will be drawing much attention to yourself, and there is a strong chance that one or more of them may approach you, for one reason or another."
"And you want me to let them?"
"Yes." Dumbledore set the teacup down. "We both know of your overall abilities, and the knowledge you shared with the Wizengamot and papers will have made the rounds. Voldemort will, no doubt, be more cautious."
"Why did you want me to reveal that?" Severus asked. Now that the public knew he was a Seer and Legilimens, he now had less of an advantage in his efforts.
"At the time, I believed that you would have been convicted and sent to Azkaban. I could never have guessed that Voldemort would act to clear your name."
"He wants me to die at his own hand. It seems his fixation on prophecy hasn't changed."
"That much, I've gathered. But going back to my main point: whether or not he knows of your capabilities doesn't change our advantage. What matters is that we can prepare accordingly."
"... that's true. If we know that the Dark Lord knows of our abilities, we haven't yet lost our edge. And since he doesn't know that we know of his Horcruxes, he is less likely to prepare to the same degree as us. What if he does? If he does, then we'll have to rely on outside help."
"Which is where Regulus comes into play," Dumbledore said. He adjusted his spectacles as he leaned forward. "During my lessons with him, I will be teaching him the basics of Occlumency. However, when the time comes, I will have him learn from you."
"Why me? The Dark Lord's method of Legilimency is more forceful; as we are familiar with it, we are better suited as an instructor."
"And as a tutor, you wouldn't raise any suspicions. If anything, Voldemort may be pleased with his progress, as he's found a way to keep an eye on you."
"What if he isn't ready?" Severus didn't have to imagine what would happen to Regulus if he was found out; Professor Snape had an idea of what happened to traitors. "We will make him ready."
Dumbledore looked at Severus silently, which was somewhat unsettling given the amount of time that passed. Finally, Dumbledore said, "May I ask you something personal?"
Severus nodded.
"Do you feel overwhelmed by your schedule?"
"Not at all," Severus lied, knowing what Dumbledore wanted him to say. "I can manage."
"... do remember that I consider what you want," Dumbledore said. There was a tone in his voice that was unsettling, but non-threatening. "And remember that, in our efforts against Voldemort, we are equals. Should you ever wish to decline any of your new responsibilities, whether now or later, do tell me."
"My schedule gives me a decent amount of cover. If people believe I'm overwhelmed, they may think I'm incapable of doing anything extracurricular."
"Very well. You're free to go, Severus." As Severus stood, Dumbledore added, "And enjoy your weekend."
Severus left the office and went down the staircase feeling unwell about his current situation. He didn't mind tutoring Creevey and Cresswell; they were so insignificant to him, that whether they could follow along or not was irrelevant. And, if they were up for it, he thought it could be enjoyable to tutor Lily and Mary, as it could serve as a way for him to relax in his own way. And as far as being noticed by Aurors, he understood that his presence and participation could serve as a challenge for them to improve.
But Regulus Black? Something was off about him, but not in a threatening manner; Severus could feel something different about him based on the past few weeks. But if he wasn't careful, if he made one error, he could risk being discovered and killed. And if what Dumbledore said was true about him searching for the cup, then it would be all the more perilous.
"Sev!"
Severus was pulled out of his head as Mary came walking down the corridor with Brandy. The cruppy was walking as well as ever, with a slight skip in her step. "Mary."
"Lily told me you'd be here," Mary said. "How was the talk?"
"It's a work in progress," Severus replied. He began walking with her down the corridor and to the staircase. "How are you liking the castle in the summer, so far?"
Mary shrugged. "It feels so different. I thought I'd miss home… I mean, I do, but I thought I'd be more upset. You know, I'm not sure how to describe it."
"It feels more intimate," Severus suggested. "With so few students here, everything's more quiet. You feel more special being in a place like this."
"... yeah," Mary said, a smile in her voice. "I think that sounds about right. Oh, Mum and Dad wrote me a letter telling me to thank you for… you know."
"Right." Severus hadn't meant for his voice to quiet.
"... are you okay?"
"I'm fine." Severus didn't want to talk about that day. "All things considered."
"Can I ask you something?"
"What is it?"
"... well," Mary said, her pace slowing. Severus slowed as well to match her. "On Valentine's Day, if I'd been better prepared-"
"You did nothing wrong," Severus cut in. He wasn't about to let her continue to feel guilty about what had happened.
"I meant to say that… if I was prepared, you wouldn't have to save me again."
Severus started to understand what Mary was saying. "You want me to train you."
Mary nodded. "I don't want to be helpless like that. And if I'm prepared, I can protect Brandy."
Severus had his reservations at first, but he understood what it felt like to feel at the mercy of others. His circumstances and poor decision-making had led him to be more influenced by Avery and Mulciber, and while Mary didn't have an equivalent in her life, he didn't know if that was good or bad; either she would train on her own, or (the more likely option) she would vanish. And Severus didn't want her to vanish again.
"If you mean it," Severus said carefully, "then I can teach you."
"Really?! Could we start today?!"
Severus was almost amused by how much enthusiasm Mary had at such an early time; it was barely even past 7:00. "Very well. We should tell Lily."
"What for?"
"I want to work out a schedule so we still have the weekend…." Severus trailed off.
"... right, you still have to-"
"- sort everything out, yes," Severus quickly finished. For a moment, he was worried Mary would ask more about what he and Lily were doing, and if she found out they were secretly living together, something that he himself still hadn't properly processed, he wasn't sure how she would react.
"Alright," Mary said with a note of understanding. "Are you coming for breakfast?"
"Perhaps something light," Severus said.
"You're skin and bones; eat more."
Lily II
Sunday, 19 June 1977
Lily and Severus were both downstairs in the kitchen by the time the clock struck 8:00. They had one hour before the Aurors arrived at the castle, and Severus had suggested that they make some pasties for lunch; they could just say that a house-elf made it for them. Severus was busy preparing the dough, while Lily was dicing up leftovers they'd had for supper the night before: cubes of mutton, potato, and swede. For some reason, he wanted scrambled eggs in there as well, but Lily wasn't about to say anything about his tastes.
As they set the pasties in the enchanted oven (because there was no electricity, for some reason), Lily asked, "So, did you figure out your schedule?"
Severus nodded. "Creevey will be the simplest to deal with; he's only taking Charms and Potions."
"That few?" Lily wasn't really surprised, but hearing it aloud was different from wondering why she didn't see him in too many classes.
"And Cresswell… well, Cresswell has to do his entire year. All seven core classes, at least; he doesn't want to do advanced electives."
"Right. I don't envy him. What about Mary?" Lily was happy that Severus was willing to tutor Mary, although she supposed he'd been doing that since last year.
"Mary's probably the hardest," Severus said, something which caught Lily off-guard. "To get the most out of her training, I have to tutor her in all her other classes, particularly Charms and Transfiguration."
"Not Defense?"
"I want to focus on her wandwork before moving on to application."
Lily nodded. Something still bothered her. "And what about Black?"
It seemed that Severus could feel her discomfort. "As he wants to have a headstart in Alchemy, he'll have to review Potions and Transfiguration, along with Arithmancy."
"Is that the same for me?"
Severus nodded. "That, and Alchemy itself. You're a year behind, so our lessons will be more intensive than his."
"Like that's ever stopped me," Lily said with a grin.
Severus's mouth was tight, but there was the smallest of smiles. "Breakfast here, or at the castle?"
"I want to eat with the others," Lily answered. "I haven't seen them since they came to visit Mum…." Lily stopped herself and tried to clear her head of the events surrounding the visit.
Severus stood there, quietly, an uncertain look on his face. Lily noticed that his arm moved slightly, as though he was about to reach out to her, but he unfortunately lowered it again.
"... sorry," Lily said hurriedly, feeling guilty about making Severus worry.
"Nothing to apologize for," Severus said. "I'm sure they'll be happy to see you, as well."
"And you." Lily realized Severus looked confused, so she corrected herself by saying, "I think you're growing on Alice."
"Not Frank?"
"Frank likes everyone."
"Typical Hufflepuff," Severus murmured.
"Be nice," Lily said. "We're eating with them later."
"Can you even last that long?"
"Maybe," Lily replied.
Lily spoke too soon, and she found herself wanting a quick bite to eat. Severus made two small bowls (cups, rather) of porridge. Lily couldn't help but notice how bland Severus's breakfast looked compared to her own; she'd taken the liberty of adding butter and sugar on top.
"Can we talk a bit before we go to the castle?"
"The list?" Severus asked.
Lily nodded.
"I'll get it." Severus got up and retrieved the notebook and pen from the armchair, bringing it back so they could look over it. 'Death Eaters', 'Dark Magic', and 'possessiveness' were crossed off for Severus, while 'demanding', 'hypocritical', 'Dark Magic', and 'Potter' were crossed off for herself. All that remained was the following:
-blood purity
-temper
-trust
-misunderstanding, misrepresents my words
-priorities
"Where do we begin?" Lily asked. "Maybe 'priorities'?"
"I was thinking of 'blood purity'. That movie's coming up, so I should probably figure out a way to deal with Muggles."
"If you want." Lily took a moment to think about how to start. "Why do you think Muggles treat you poorly?"
"Because I was poor, and they thought I was strange," Severus replied without hesitation. "Although, the thievery didn't help."
"... maybe they didn't like you because you were a thief?" Lily suggested. She kicked herself for wording it poorly.
"No, it started before then. The local boys. You remember Martin Glenn."
"Ugh," Lily moaned. She was all too familiar with the Glenns, especially the son. "I hated that creep."
"Him and his friends didn't let up," Severus explained. "And their parents didn't care. That's why I kept to myself."
"Not everyone's like that," Lily said, trying to encourage him.
"It's not just Muggles. It's Muggle culture in general."
"What do you mean?"
"Look at Cokeworth. The air's all but toxic, the water's polluted… everything's become so mechanical and… dead."
"... I've never heard it put like that," Lily admitted. "Was that one of the reasons you wanted to…?"
"It was a common-enough point," Severus said. "I never let on, but it struck a chord with me. I thought that, with wizards in charge, Cokeworth could be enriched."
"I never would've pegged Death Eaters as environmentalists," Lily mused.
Severus didn't say anything in response; whatever humor Lily could find in the situation, which she had to admit was proactive on her part, was absent from him.
"Sev," Lily said gently, "I'm not holding any of this against you."
Severus nodded. "Right," he said.
"You know, there are Muggle groups that have similar views."
"I know, but they're not as good at it as wizards are."
"They don't have magic. Can you blame them?"
"... not really," Severus admitted. "Doesn't change anything, does it?"
"I think things can get better," Lily said. "It won't be immediate, but… someday."
Severus looked down at the notebook, his eyes seemingly fixed on 'blood purity'. "Someday," he agreed.
Lily smiled as she went to grab the pen, but she was surprised that Severus stopped her hand with his own. "What is it?" she asked.
"Not yet," Severus answered. "I want to see how I do."
"Oh. Alright."
Severus pulled his hand back and looked back at the lists. "What did you have in mind for the next one? Still 'priorities'?"
Lily nodded. "I want to start putting you first more often, or at least consider what you want more than I used to. I don't think I've been very good at that."
Severus was quiet, his brow furrowing slightly as though he was going over something in his head. The anticipation made Lily feel nervous, which wouldn't have been so bad if Severus hadn't noticed it.
"Sorry," Severus said quickly, "I'm just… talking to myself."
"It's alright."
Severus took a breath before he said, "In the past, I would have wanted to be your priority; I thought that being your best friend would justify that."
"And what about now?"
"As long as I'm not last, I'll be fine."
Lily knew that Severus didn't want her to grow too emotional when they went over the lists, and she was starting to get a handle on how she responded. But the more silence that passed after Severus said what he wanted, the more Lily thought about what it meant based on what they had both been through. And the more she thought, the more she hated the idea that she'd caused him to lower his wants and desires to the bare minimum of what a friendship required.
"You don't have to lower your standards that much," Lily said.
"I understand that you have other friends. I don't want to get in the way." Severus seemed to think about what he'd just said and added, "I misworded that. I don't want to stop you from spending time with your other friends."
"You can be part of that, you know," Lily suggested. "I know you get along with Mary, so the three of us could spend more time together."
"Mary is also friends with McKinnon," Severus argued. "That could cause some problems."
"You know they've both been helping me."
"There's a difference between helping a friend with another relationship and befriending that other person."
"Did you and Mary get along right away?"
"... no," Severus answered reluctantly.
"I might be asking a bit much-"
"Why does it always have to be your friends?"
"Well…." Lily knew what she wanted to say, but she was worried Severus would take it the wrong way.
"What?"
"Nothing."
"You think I'll become angry?"
"Maybe."
"I promise I won't."
Lily nodded. "I was going to say that I didn't think you had other friends."
"... I don't really know if that's the point," Severus replied. Lily could tell her answer had made him uncomfortable. "You could have offered to."
"I didn't think any of them would want to be friends with me."
"... you're right, but still. It makes me feel like I have to reject everyone else around me in favor of you. It's like you think I can't make good decisions."
"Severus," Lily said defensively, "if I believe something, I'm not going to lie to you. I wasn't lying to you when I told you how I felt about Avery and Mulciber."
Severus didn't respond, instead choosing to take a few spoonfuls of porridge.
"What is it?" Lily asked.
Severus swallowed and set the cup down. "You thought I was like them."
"... I know…."
"I suppose you were right, on some level."
"But you wanted to change," Lily said quickly. She didn't want Severus to resign himself. "I think you went overboard."
"No, it was the right amount," Severus said, digging into his cup of porridge again.
"You can't think that; when you came out of Azkaban-"
"I would have gotten over myself," Severus interrupted. "Whether what I said was right or not, I know I would have."
"I don't want to start another argument," Lily said. "I know we're talking about 'priorities', but I think this is more of a 'trust' issue. Or maybe, they're connected." She paused. "Maybe, I sided with other people more often because I trusted them more. Because I misunderstood you."
Severus looked up at her, as though she'd said something significant (she hoped it was, at least), and then looked back down at the lists. A look of realization appeared on his face. "... if I'd been more open with you," he said slowly, "you would have understood me more. And you would have trusted me…." He trailed off, sitting back and thinking something over.
Lily didn't like Severus's response; it sounded as though he was blaming himself for her behavior. "Not everything's your fault, you know."
"No, of course, not," Severus said quickly, but he didn't sound convinced. He finished his porridge and stood up, taking the cup and spoon to the sink.
Lily followed suit and met him by the sink and waited as he washed the cup and spoon with his hand before rinsing it off and drying himself. His eyes were downcast once more. "If I'd pushed the topic," Lily asked, "would you have answered?"
"No," Severus replied. "I think I would have grown more withdrawn."
"... should we take a break from the lists?"
Severus nodded. "I'll wash your cup. You can cross out the rest of my list."
"Are you sure?"
"Now that you've explained it, I understand how I can improve."
Lily set her cup down and took hold of Severus's arms, forcing him to look at her. He seemed caught off-guard. "Stop doing that."
"... I'm blaming myself, aren't I?"
"Why do you do that?"
"Force of habit."
"Well, stop." Lily let go of him and crossed her arms. "Just because bad things happen to you, doesn't mean it's your fault. You'd have to be mental to think that."
"... in my defense, I am mental."
Lily's mouth twitched at his comeback; she would have felt awful for it if he himself wasn't also grinning. "I'm glad you still have your sense of humor."
The two of them stood in the kitchenette for a moment, long enough for the silence to become awkward, before Severus pulled out his pocket watch and said, "We should go back to the castle."
"Right. Snarky?"
Pop. "Lily Evans calls for Snarky?" Snarky was holding a toothbrush.
"We're ready to return to the castle."
"Snarky will deliver Severus Snape and Lily Evans." Snarky held out his free hand.
"You can go first," Severus said to Lily. "I'll meet you at the main entrance."
"Alright. See you there." Lily took Snarky's hand and felt herself being pulled out from Severus's house and back into her bed at Hogwarts. Before she could say anything to Snarky, the house-elf had Disapparated.
Lily left the dorm room and hurried downstairs into the empty common room; Mary was probably getting ready. She hurried out and down the main staircase, arriving just as Severus did. The two of them shot each other knowing glances, and Lily was about to smile until Regulus Black arrived, following closely behind Severus.
"Ah, Evans," Regulus said in his snobbish way. "We seem to have been of the same mind, yes?"
"Indeed," Lily replied, hiding her discomfort. "Where's Mr. Filch?"
"He'll be along," Regulus said. "I took the liberty of meeting with him not too long ago, and then I ran into Snape just as I was about to return."
"Apparently, there are more than trainees coming," Severus said. "The Ministry contacted the headmaster last night regarding the changes."
"Who else?"
"Any Aurors on standby," Regulus explained. "Or anyone not part of an active case. Most of them will be staying in the Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw dormitories."
"None in Slytherin," Severus said, "but some will be in Gryffindor."
"Right," Lily said, taking in this new information. "Do you know how many in total?"
"Perhaps thirty?" Regulus speculated.
Lily shared another look with Severus. If Aurors were sharing her room, or if they were curious enough to knock on her door in the evening, they risked finding out that she was missing from the castle. She was broken out of her train of thought as Mr. Filch appeared from one of the corridors.
"Right then," Filch said, looking at the three of them. "As our summer guests will be occupying three of the Houses, you'll each get a group. Miss Evans, you'll be charged with the Gryffindors; Mr. Black, you're with the Hufflepuffs. Snape will handle the Ravenclaws.
"During the weekdays, the Aurors will have their training courses in the Great Hall or on the Quidditch field, depending on their mood. The headmaster expects each of you," Filch said, pausing as he eyed Severus, "to be on your best behavior and provide them whatever they might need."
"Yes, Mr. Filch," Lily and Regulus said simultaneously.
Severus nodded silently.
"Good. Then, you can begin."
Almost on cue, the main doors opened wide, and Lily turned as a few dozen Aurors walked in, led by the headmaster himself. "Ah, Mr. Filch!" Dumbledore said with a smile. "You're precisely where I hoped you would be!"
"Of course, sir," Filch replied, standing at attention. "The Prefects have been filled in."
Lily heard a tiny grunt and turned to see Filch nudging Severus. Severus stepped forward and said, "Anyone scheduled to stay in the Ravenclaw dormitories, follow me." He turned quickly on his heels, almost instantaneously, and briskly walked up the staircase. Lily watched as about a third of the Aurors hurried after him, seemingly caught off-guard by his behavior.
"Anyone staying in Gryffindor will follow me," Lily said as she turned back to address the Aurors. Half of those remaining began to move towards her, and she turned and made her way up the staircase until they were all on the seventh floor and in front of the Fat Lady's portrait.
"'Vita Secundo'." The portrait opened, and Lily led the Aurors inside. She turned to face everyone and said, "You're free to stay in any of the dorm rooms, as long as the staircases let you up."
The group laughed at that, the loudest being Kingsley, who was currently standing with Moody at the front. "It feels just like old times," the man said.
"I'll be in the seventh-year girls' dorm, and Mary MacDonald is staying in fourth-year," Lily continued.
Everyone made their way up the staircases, men and women dividing, and Lily decided to make her way to her dorm. As she opened, she saw that Alice was unpacking, something which Lily had hoped wouldn't happen; now, she had to be more vigilant when it came to sneaking back to Severus's house.
"You took my bed," Alice said with a smirk. "Seems like we both have good taste." As she sat down on the bed, she asked, "So, how've you been since Easter?"
"... I've been alright," Lily answered slowly. "Aside from… I mean, you heard about the basilisk, right?"
"Right," Alice breathed out. "Yeah, that made the rounds at the office. Crouch's son told him all about it, but he didn't give the specifics. Did Snape really…?"
Lily nodded.
"... I thought I had him pegged."
"So did I. But we're working on it."
"Marley mentioned as much." Alice's face hardened. "She also told me that James and Sirius were spying on you."
Lily shrugged, crossing her arms awkwardly. "They had a map that showed everyone at Hogwarts. Dumbledore has it now."
Alice let out a stressed sigh. "God, I can't believe… you know, it's a felony to create magical surveillance devices without a proper license."
"What about the spying part?"
"Well, that too." Alice stood and said, "Breakfast?"
"Alright," Lily said with a nod. "Do you have a problem with Sev sitting with us?"
"Of course not, boy's a bloody hero."
The two of them made their way back into the common room to find Mary sitting with Brandy, Kingsley, and Moody; Brandy was sitting in Moody's lap and wriggling around with excitement at the young man, whose hair was beginning to grey….
"... Moody, what happened to your hair?!" Lily asked.
"Stress," Kingsley answered. "You should see him running around at the office. He thought one of the typewriters was in danger of exploding-"
"I was right, wasn't I?!" Moody snapped. Stress lines had already formed around his face.
"Yes," Kingsley admitted calmly.
"I'm sick of sitting around and doing nothing when the world's going to hell in a handbasket!"
"Come on," Alice said, rubbing Moody's back, which made the man lurch forward and almost drop Brandy. "Food should help."
"Not hungry."
"Snape'll be there."
Moody immediately stood up, holding Brandy in his arms (which was admittedly comical), and began walking out of the common room with Mary following closely behind. And following them was everyone else.
Lily was in the Great Hall before she knew it, and she spotted Alice, Kingsley, Moody, and Mary sitting at their usual spot at the Gryffindor table. Frank was also there, sitting beside Alice while also reaching across to pet Brandy. Lily scanned the rest of the hall and spotted Severus sitting with Regulus, Adrian, and Dirk. He seemed to be leading the conversation based on his posture and the way his eyes looked as he spoke, and there was something on the table he was pointing to.
Lily walked over, stopping right behind Severus, and leaned over him to see what he was gesturing to; she found a weekly calendar set between them all, each with different subjects and the names of the students meant to be there. Dirk's was the most prevalent, showing up for every class he'd enrolled in; Adrian's was next, although he had fewer classes to attend.
"Can I help you?"
Lily looked down at Severus, who hadn't even bothered looking up from the schedule. "I was going to invite you to sit with us," Lily replied.
"I see." Severus turned his head to look over at the other table. "... is Moody holding Brandy?"
"I don't know what to make of it either," Lily admitted.
Severus stood from his seat and said to the three other boys, "Take a good look over it and finalize the schedule for me. I don't do weekends."
Lily and Severus walked over to the Gryffindor table and asked him quietly, "Do you want me to sit next to Frank?"
Severus nodded.
"Ah, Lily!" Frank had turned his head and immediately stood to greet her, pulling her into a hug. He pulled away and said, "Good to see you again!"
"Hi, Frank," Lily returned.
Frank turned to Severus, hesitated for a moment, and then held out his hand. "Morning, Snape."
Severus looked down at Frank's hand… and shook it. "Longbottom," Severus said, nodding.
Frank's smile grew wider. "Rather brilliant stuff with that basilisk, eh? Good on you for that!"
"Thank you," Severus said blankly. "It's good to know I've still got it after being falsely imprisoned for over three months."
"Ah… well, that was all a bunch of nonsense, anyway. Come, sit!"
Before Severus could say anything more, Frank wrapped an arm around his shoulder and sat him down at the table; Lily hesitantly sat down on Severus's other side and shared a look with Alice and Mary, who seemed equally alarmed.
"We've heard you'll be tutoring over the summer," Frank continued, piling eggs and sausage onto his plate. "Sounds like something you'd do?"
"Does it?" Severus asked smoothly. Too smoothly. Lily could tell that Severus was beginning to shut himself in.
"Of course, it does," Frank replied. "With your grades, I'd be hard-pressed to find anyone who'd be a better instructor."
"And his charmwork," Moody added, his expression hard once more. He asked Severus, "Are you planning on using that in the future?"
"If necessary," Severus answered.
"Ah, don't pressure him, Alastor," Frank said. "He's got enough on his plate as is." He stuffed some eggs into his mouth and all but swallowed them whole before draining his cup.
"Don't eat so much," Alice said. "You'll get sick."
"It's a free day," Frank argued. "Even if it wasn't, I could use the handicap."
"Handicap?' Lily asked Frank.
"He's our top duelist," Kingsley answered, as Frank's mouth was currently occupied by a sausage. "He thinks that practicing while he's unwell will help him in the field."
Lily looked down at Frank's plate; he had more food on it than Remus ever did. The thought led to another, which started bringing her mood down. Ever since Severus had told her about Remus's true condition, or perhaps ever since she deduced what Severus was saying, she had started thinking back on all the different things Remus did. Was overeating one of the symptoms of lycanthropy, or was he doing it to make himself feel better? And, regardless of the motivation, how was he keeping that weight off? She had always taken everything at face value (which she was starting to believe was a problem on her part), and so rarely thought about reasons behind what people did. But going back to Frank, if he was eating this much… was he a werewolf as well?
Frank finally swallowed and said to Severus, "Are you not eating?"
"I don't eat much in the morning," Severus replied.
"Fair enough," Frank said, shrugging it off. "I guess it keeps you light on your toes. Don't you feel faint?"
"Not particularly."
"Hmm. You must be built differently, then." Frank took another sip. "I suppose it's almost like Quidditch, really."
"Like Quidditch?" Alice asked in amusement.
"Of course," Frank said. "You have your well-rounded Chasers who operate as a unit. You have your stocky Beaters who use their environment to their advantage."
"I don't quite get that," Lily said.
"Bludgers are environmental hazards," Frank explained. "A Beater makes the most out of a bad deal by redirecting the Bludger elsewhere. Anyway, you have your quick-handed Keepers with nerves of steel, staying in front of the hoops against all odds. And then you have your small, nimble Seekers who operate solo but get the job done."
"Am I a Seeker, then?" Severus asked.
"Maybe," Frank said. "I think you're a better Keeper, though."
"And how, pray tell, have you come to that conclusion?" Severus sounded like he was growing more annoyed.
"Seekers are Seekers because they know they could turn the tide and win the game, and they pretty much work by themselves. Keepers don't care about points, but about keeping their opponent's score low for the sake of their team. The best Seeker in the world can still lose the game if he or she catches the Snitch at the wrong time; the best Keeper in the world can ensure the opponent never scores. I prefer Keepers any day of the week."
Lily was slightly surprised by how well Frank had managed to explain his analogy, and it seemed that even Alice was impressed; the woman was staring at her husband in amazement, and Lily had a feeling she knew just how the two had ended up together.
"You're smarter than I thought," Severus said suddenly.
The table went silent, and Lily nudged Severus hard, earning her a surprised look from him. Before anyone could say anything in response, Frank let out a laugh.
"You should've seen Alice's face the first time I started waxing philosophical," Frank mused. He let out a grunt before turning to Alice. "Sorry, dear."
Breakfast continued on, with Lily engaging with Mary and Alice while Frank, Alastor, and Kingsley went over their plans for summer training. Every once in a while, Lily checked to see how Severus was holding up, only to find that he simply sat there with an expressionless face, occasionally looking from one person to another without any idea what to do or say. On one occasion, one that almost made Lily want to grab him by the arm and drag him out of the Great Hall, was when his eyes relaxed to the point of defeat.
Eventually, breakfast ended, and the Aurors stood and made their way to the dormitories. As Lily and Severus left, she pulled him to the side, into one of the alcoves, and asked, "So… how was it?"
"Breakfast?"
"You barely spoke. Are you alright?"
"I didn't have much to say," Severus replied.
"I'm sorry about Frank," Lily continued. "I didn't expect him to just grab you like that. He's never acted like that before."
"He graduated a year ago. People change."
"Not that quickly."
"Perhaps, he was always like that and he never had a chance to show it?"
"... maybe," Lily said. "Well… did you at least not hate it?"
"It was fine," Severus answered. "I needed a break."
"Break?"
"I've been planning my lessons since summer started; I needed some time to sit and do nothing."
"Don't overwork yourself," Lily said. Now that she looked at him, she could see that his eyes still had dark circles under them.
"I'm used to it—"
"Sev," Lily said firmly, "it worries me. It's not healthy, and I want you to rest when you feel tired."
Severus stared blankly at Lily for a moment before letting out a tired breath and saying, "I'll rest more."
"... okay," Lily said. "Okay, good. If you need help with anything, feel free to ask for it. I don't have a very busy schedule."
Severus nodded. "Speaking of which, I have you down for evening classes after dinner. Monday through Friday."
"... Severus, why?"
"If you want to take Alchemy, you have to catch up. I've prepared coursework that should help you get up to speed without interfering with your other essays."
Lily let out a sigh of defeat. "Alright, then."
"I promise I'm not overworking myself," Severus said in a reassuring manner. "I can handle this."
Severus II
Monday, 20 June 1977
Severus crashed down onto the couch, eyes shut, as soon as Snarky brought him back home and Disapparated. His first day of tutoring had been, for lack of a better way of describing it, fucking infuriating. He'd expected to grow irritated by the arrangement he'd agreed to, but not until perhaps a month into it; the last thing he expected was to almost have an aneurysm from going over the summer syllabus.
It all began with Adrian Creevey, which was less infuriating and more monotonous. Creevey was disoriented from his attack, and so he, naturally, wanted to go over what he had covered and what he had missed, as well as plan out how to approach his potionwork and charms. Aside from Lily, he was the only sixth-year, becoming seventh-year, that Severus would have to teach; fortunately, he managed to justify not having Lily study along with him, as he thought she would distract him.
Dirk Cresswell was still a little bastard, and was the primary cause of Severus's foul mood. Cresswell, the fucker, had tried and failed, multiple times during that very meeting, to waive a majority of the classes he missed, as though he thought he could just persuade Severus so easily; even if Severus wanted that, which he didn't, he didn't even have the authority to waive classes. Such basic knowledge ought to have been known by the fifth-year, becoming sixth-year, and a Ravenclaw, no less.
While Regulus wasn't the most infuriating (that honor was Cresswell's), Severus found him to be the most stressful, by no fault of the younger Slytherin. Regulus was to be Dumbledore's spy, an idea that brought the professor back to his original life, and with it came the wave of emotions he'd had to bottle up for the good part of eighteen years. One element of their lessons that Severus didn't mind was the lack of paperwork involved; there would be less for him to grade, so he supposed that was something to look forward to.
At first, Severus thought that his lessons with Lily would be the highlight of his day, but he realized he was wrong; Mary's lessons, despite the presence of that hellhound, were his way of winding down and relaxing, despite the subject matter centering around self-defense. Mary was intelligent and humble enough to understand what Severus expected of her, but also good company when they were busy. He had her lessons planned out more thoroughly than anyone else's, except for maybe Lily's.
Speaking of Lily, Severus should have been expecting her to arrive at the house any moment now.
Pop. "Lily Evans has arrived." Pop.
"Hey," Lily said as she walked in. Her footsteps stopped. "Are you alright?"
"Tutoring may have been a bad idea," Severus replied.
"Why did you agree to it?"
"It was that, or let exams be cancelled for the entire school."
There was a pause before Lily said, "... what?"
"Dumbledore wanted to cancel exams due to the attacks. I pointed out that only two students were absent for their entire year. He said he'd reconsider if I volunteered to tutor them."
"... I need to sort through this," Lily said as she moved Severus's legs and sat down on the couch. "First off: Dumbledore kept exams because you told him to?"
"It wasn't really an order," Severus explained, opening his eyes. "I was just pointing out the obvious."
"... so everyone had to take their exams because of you…?"
"Hogwarts is a school. If more had been hospitalized and missed a majority of their year, I would have been perfectly fine with exams being cancelled. But as that wasn't the case, exams had to go on; stopping fifth- and seventh-years from doing their exams will hurt them more than help."
Lily stared at Severus dumbfoundedly, and Severus wondered if he'd said something wrong.
What do you think she's thinking?
Do you want me to guess, or invade her privacy?
Suddenly, Lily walked out of the room and returned with the notebook in her hand. As Severus sat up, she set it down on the table and opened it up, finding the lists and adding 'workaholic' to Severus's. Severus took a breath in and out before thinking about her complaint.
"... is this something that bothers you this much?" Severus asked.
"I've seen what your hair actually looks like," Lily answered. "I remember how you looked when you came back from Azkaban. I can't go through that again."
"To be fair, I was the one who went through it—"
"I'm not joking." Lily's voice was firm. "Why can't you take time to… I don't know, do something else? Do you have any hobbies?"
"Of course, I do," Severus replied. "I play Gobstones with Mary."
"Anything else?"
"Well, I cook."
"That's a basic chore."
"I read."
"Is it relaxing?"
"Stimulating." Severus was starting to get annoyed. "What are you getting at?"
"... I want you to find something that doesn't involve labor or studying. Something that keeps you relaxed."
"Does napping count?"
Lily's jaw went slack, and her face went completely blank. Severus wondered if he'd said something wrong. "... is napping really the only thing you do?" Lily asked quietly.
"... is that a hypothetical question? Because if not, then no. I don't take naps."
Lily's eyes began to burn with something odd, something Severus couldn't quite put his finger on until she spoke again. "Snarky?"
Pop. "Miss Lily Evans—"
"Find my vinyl and player from my room and bring them here."
Pop. Pop. "Lily Evans's musical… things… are here." Pop.
Severus was confused. "What are you doing?"
Lily put the vinyl disc onto the player before drawing her wand and waving at it wordlessly, setting the needle down with an invisible hand. Suddenly, music began playing, and Lily sat down beside Severus. "Just sit back and relax," she said, resting her head back and shutting her eyes.
Severus did likewise, but he turned his head to look at her. Her eyes were shut, and her hair had spread out on the couch, much like it did whenever they lied down on the riverbank together in the past. She had a restful look on her face, or what was supposed to be a restful look if she hadn't been so upset with Severus over working too hard.
… do we work too hard?
I've never had time to compare notes with others.
If Lily's this upset about it, shouldn't we take some time to rest?
Why do you ask me that question? We both know you don't want to rest.
That's not the point. I just want to know if you think it's more important to keep her mind at ease or to continue our work. I can try to balance both, but there have to be times when I have to choose one over the other.
What's more important: her survival or her comfort?
Survival. The answer was simple enough, and yet Severus didn't like it.
She won't end our friendship over this.
No. No, she won't.
You're troubled.
Do you think it would stop her from…?
… from falling in love with you?
Yeah.
Does she seem the type?
… maybe….
What's more important: her survival or her love?
… survival.
We have her friendship again. That will be enough.
Will it?
We don't have any other luxury. Remain focused.
Severus nodded to himself as he finally pulled away from his gaze on Lily. He shut his eyes and tuned out the music, turning his attention to the days to come.
