Although the night had been slightly embarrassing for both Remus and Sirius, especially once sleeping arrangements were discussed ("You two have been living in the same dorm room for six years, I think it would be a little too late to tell you he couldn't stay in your bedroom, Remus." "Dad!" "You are both of age after all…" "Mum!" "You would really make your boyfriend sleep on the couch, Remus?" "Sirius, stay out of this…"). Overall, neither of them could have hoped for a better outcome as far as the overwhelming love and support they received from Remus' parents.
Exhaustion hit pretty quickly for both of them, brought on in equal parts by the traveling, an array of emotions, and the delicious meal that Hope had served. Excusing themselves from the table, Remus led Sirius down the hall to his bedroom. Like everything else in the cottage, the room was pretty small but oddly comfortable. The twin-size bed was about the same size as the ones they had at school and was covered by what looked like a hand-stitched quilt. There was a tall bookshelf that was completely full of both magic and muggle literature, some copies looking so old that pages were poking out here and there. There was a small table next to the bed with a lamp and two framed photos. One was another shot of all four of the Marauders, lounging in the grass by the black lake at school. James had one arm over Sirius' shoulder and the other seemed to be holding the camera up at an angle to get them all in the shot. Sirius himself was laughing at something James was saying, but every once in a while his eyes would flicker over to Remus on his other side, smiling shyly as if he wasn't thrilled to be having his picture taken. Peter had sneezed at the exact moment the camera went off and he turned to bed James to retake it, but they never did.
The other picture was only Remus and Sirius. Remus was asleep on the sofa in the common room and Sirius was lying with his head on Remus' chest, flipping off whoever was taking the picture, which happened to be Marlene.
A chart of the moon phases was pinned up on the wall, along with several star charts that Remus seemed to have marked off. When Sirius got a closer look, he could see that his boyfriend was tracking where in the sky the constellation Canis Major and the Dog Star could be found throughout the year.
"It made me feel closer to you when I was home," Remus muttered with a timid smile as he caught Sirius looking. His arm wound around Sirius' waist, pulling him into a brief kiss. "Thank you again for coming with me, Pads. It means a lot to me."
Sirius rolled his eyes, shaking his head. "Stop thanking me, you prat. Where else do you think I'd rather be?"
Remus smiled and shrugged. "In your giant bedroom at the Potter's, probably driving Euphemia insane with Prongs."
"Please," Sirius snorted. "I have the rest of the summer to remind Mum why she loves to send me and James off every September. I love that I'm here with you."
Remus laughed, biting his bottom lip and resting his forehead against the shorter boy's. "I love that you're here too." He went to move in to kiss Sirius again but was interrupted when his boyfriend failed to hold back a yawn.
"Ugh," Sirius groaned. "Sorry. Long bloody day."
"I know it," Remus sighed. "I guess we'll get ready for bed, then?"
They unpacked their things and Remus showed Sirius to the bathroom so he could shower. Once that was settled he headed back down the hall towards his bedroom but hesitated as he passed the closed door of his parents' room.
He stared at the door for what felt like ages, debating. He lifted his hand several times as if to knock, but stopped himself.
What am I so afraid of? He thought irritably, and he finally rapped his knuckles gently on the door.
"Come in," his mother called softly, sounding far more tired than she had at dinner.
Swallowing thickly and taking a deep breath, Remus slowly pushed the door open. He felt quite like he had when he was little and had nightmares, nervously shuffling to his parent's room with fear tugging at his chest and trying to put on his bravest face.
Hope was lying on the bed, the record player playing some old familiar song as she read a book in her nightgown, one that she had owned for as long as Remus could remember. It was pale pink and very soft. Remus always loved the way it felt when she would pull him close and let him snuggle into the bed between her and his father. He wished he was still that small.
"Are you alright, love?" She asked as he stood frozen in the doorway, staring at her. She looked so much smaller than he could ever remember. He had been taller than her since he was about fourteen, but she looked frail. Her hair wasn't as vibrant as it used to be, he could tell now that she had freed it from its braid, and there were dark circles under her eyes which, ironically, made him look more like her than he did his father. "Remus?"
Remus shook himself from his thoughts and cleared his throat. "Sorry. I just… Long day." He looked around the room, anywhere but directly at her. Everything was the same as it had been since he was little. "Where's Dad?"
"In his study," she sighed, smiling at him. "You know he can't read while I have my music playing. He'll be in soon enough." Her eyes studied him for a moment, brow wrinkling with concern. "Are you sure you're alright, cariad?"
Unable to find his voice, Remus just nodded stiffly and shifted uncomfortably on his feet.
"Come here, Mabi Fi," his mother said, pulling the blanket back and patting the spot on the bed beside her.
Without hesitation, Remus crossed the room in two quick strides and climbed into the bed, where Hope's arms wrapped around him and pulled him close as he curled against her with his face in her shoulder and he let out the breath he hadn't realized he was holding. He felt her hand begin to stroke through his hair and she kissed the top of his head.
He squeezed his eyes shut and took several deep breaths, inhaling her scent and committing it to his memory; honeysuckle and ivory soap and home.
"It's alright, love," she whispered softly.
He didn't want to say it, he told himself he wasn't supposed to because he had to be stronger than that, but it came out anyway;
"I'm scared, mum."
"Oh," she sighed. "My brave boy…"
"I'm scared, mum." The five-year-old boy clung desperately to his mother's pale pink nightgown, tears staining the front of it while she stroked and kissed his hair.
"My brave boy," Hope sighed. She glanced up at the bedroom window where the nearly full moon hung in the sky, flooding the room with light and flooding their house with the fear of the unknown. "You'll be alright, cariad. It'll be over before you know it. You're such a strong, brave boy, Remus." She rubbed his back in circles, trying to ease the violent sobbing of her terrified child. "Shhh, breathe, darling. Deep breath. In," she took in a breath, coaching the boy to do the same. "And out. Very good, baby."
Remus sniffed and hiccuped for a few minutes before he looked up at her. After only a month since he had been bitten, it was still startling to see the glowing amber, though now they were nearly yellow with the full moon only a night away, where there used to be deep, chocolate brown.
"I c-can't… I d-don't want to go down there all by myself," he pleaded desperately. "P-please mum. Please don't leave me down there alone."
Her heart ached. What could she do? This was her only child, her baby, only a few weeks after his fifth birthday, and begging her not to lock him in the basement of their home. It was for his own safety and the safety of everyone around him. Lyall had gone to great lengths over the last month to make sure he did everything, both with and without magic, to secure the space enough to contain their child during his transformation into a wild, savage animal.
She contained the shudder that threatened to go through her body as she thought of her sweet, innocent little boy like that. Her child wasn't the monster the world would see him as that he himself was already afraid he was. Instead, she took a breath and wiped the tears off his cheeks with her thumb.
"Remus, you listen to me," she said firmly. "There are going to be times in your life where I won't be able to be where you are- ah!" She held up one finger and fixed him with a warning look as his eyes widened fearfully and he whimpered. "That's life, my love. But I promise you, Remus, I am always with you. Do you understand, darling?"
"Yes, mummy…"
"Good boy. Now don't be scared. Everything is going to be alright, and I will be there in the morning when you wake up"
"Sirius is a very nice young man," Hope teased, making Remus' head snap up from where it had been buried in her shoulder. "And very handsome."
Remus felt his cheeks get warm and he laughed awkwardly. "Yeah, I know." He rolled his eyes. "Everyone knows. I don't know what he's doing with me."
Hope's eyebrows shot up. "Remus John Lupin, I may be a little biased but you are quite a looker yourself, you know."
Remus groaned. "Mum…"
"I'm sure Sirius agrees with me. Shall I call him in here and ask-?"
"Mum!"
Hope laughed and kissed his forehead. "You should see how he looks at you, Remus." She smiled, stroking his hair away from his face. "That boy adores you, you know. You can feel it coming from him, can't you?"
Remus felt his heart skip and he stared at his mother who was looking at him in a way she never had before, like she was reading his mind and finding every single one of his insecurities and doubts. Everything that made him want to push Sirius away because of what he was, to let Sirius find someone else, someone better, someone human. She could see it in him and she was telling him to let that go. He wasn't the monster he believed he was and she loved him, his father loved him, Sirius loved him.
"Don't be scared, Remus."
He stayed in his parent's bed for a while after he heard the water in the bathroom stop running. He finally got up once his father came into the room and he said goodnight to both of his parents. He could feel his mother's eyes still on him as he left the room up until the moment he shut the door. For a muggle, Hope Lupin had some amazing legilimency skills.
Lost in those thoughts, he nearly jumped when he entered his own room and saw Sirius lying, shirtless of course, in his pajama pants on the bed.
Sirius chuckled and quirked an eyebrow at him. "Alright, Moons? You look like you've seen a boggart."
Remus blinked a few times, then laughed softly and nodded. "Yeah." He smiled. "Just weird to see you here, you know?" He carefully shut the door behind him and went to his dresser, pulling out a T-shirt and sweatpants. There was a heavy feeling in the air that Remus couldn't quite place. It felt like a gravitational pull, almost the way he felt in the days leading to the full moon like something was trying to claw its way out of him.
"Remus?"
"Hmm?" He didn't turn around to look at Sirius. His chest felt tight, he felt vulnerable and terrified of the raging storm of emotions that was gathering inside of him, threatening to escape.
"Remus, come here." Although Sirius' voice was gentle, it wasn't a request. He turned slowly and walked to the bed.
Sirius gazed up at him, his eyes full of concern, and he took Remus gently by the wrist, pulling him onto the bed. Just as he had done with his mother, Remus immediately curled against Sirius' chest. Unlike he had done with his mother, he didn't fight the tears from falling as he buried his face into his boyfriend's neck.
Sirius didn't say a word, ignoring the wetness against his skin and carding fingers through Remus' hair.
Remus sighed, nuzzling against Sirius' pulse point where he could feel the scar he had put there back in October. Normally he avoided it. It usually made him cringe and recoil, reminding him that he was a monster and he had hurt the person he loved the most. It scared him.
Don't be scared.
He pressed his lips to it.
That boy loves you.
He kissed it again and again until he heard Sirius make a soft, almost canine whine and he tilted his head back, exposing more of his throat. Remus' tongue darted out, tracing over the mark and both of them shuddered. Sirius rolled onto his back, bringing Remus on top of him, still kissing his neck.
Remus groped blindly around the bedside table until he found his wand and he pointed it at the door, casting both a silencing and locking charm. He tossed the wand aside. He sat up and their eyes locked briefly, both silently understanding exactly what was happening, and then Sirius hurriedly pulled Remus' shirt off.
Their mouths crashed together in a hungry, desperate kiss as their hands roamed over each other. Remus' mouth was back on Sirius' neck, tasting him there, feeling the flutter of his pulse on his lips and tongue while his hands trailed up and down Sirius' back.
"Remus…" Sirius muttered between gasps.
He growled and nipped at Sirius' shoulder. He felt like every nerve in his body was on fire, the taste of Sirius' skin making him feel almost drunk with desire. He needed him so badly that he was sure he would die if he stopped.
"Remus!"
The urgency in Sirius' voice was enough to make Remus pause, although reluctantly. He pulled away enough to look at his lover, to meet his eyes which were dark with lust but also holding a very serious question.
"Remus," Sirius emphasized his name. His name. Not Moony's. One of Sirius' hands came up to cup his cheek, bringing him back down to earth for the moment. "Are you sure?"
Remus' breath was shaky and heavy. He licked his lips, staring down at the other boy. He had never wanted anything as badly as he wanted this right now.
He nodded. "I'm ready."
Sirius pushed himself up to press their lips together. "Then I'm yours."
Mine.
With another low growl, Remus pinned Sirius back down to the bed. It was hard to control himself when Sirius was right there. He kissed him passionately, continuously,
Slowly. He reminded himself. This wasn't going to be the same as it usually was, and he had to stay in control.
Remus planted kisses down Sirius' chest.
You're getting what you want. He thought firmly. But we're doing it my way.
And suddenly he was at ease.
Sirius pulled him back up into a kiss, his tongue running over Remus' bottom lip. Remus dragged his lips along Sirius' jaw, feeling the scratchy stubble there, moving lower.
Do it.
Again, Sirius' head tilted back, offering, submitting.
Remus let out a whine that turned into a half sob as his lips found Sirius' pulse point once again. Fear started to creep back up.
"It's okay, Remus…" he vaguely heard Sirius tell him. "You can do it… I love you, Remus."
"I love you, Sirius."
He bit down.
Warm coppery fluid filled his mouth and he felt Sirius' body go stiff under him, felt Sirius' nails digging into his back, and heard him gasp and whimper.
Stop. Stop. Stop.
He was hurting him again. He couldn't do this.
"I-it's okay, Remus." SIrius' voice cut through the panic in his head. "Don't stop. I love y- Oh!"
There was a surge that went through Remus' body that he had never felt before and was pretty sure Sirius had felt it too. He felt hot and high and whole and he never wanted this feeling to go away. He smoothed his hand down Sirius' chest and stomach.
Every one of his senses was heightened as he felt a pressure building inside him as if he felt everything times two.
He did feel everything times two.
They could feel each other in every particle of their bodies.
Mate.
The wolf was howling inside him and for once it didn't terrify him. It felt right. And Sirius felt it too, he knew he did.
It was overwhelming, the sensory overload and Remus' body gave up, drained, collapsing on top of Sirius.
They lay like that, tangled and sweating and panting and still buzzing all over.
"D-did you feel that?" Remus asked breathlessly.
"Merlin, Remus, you know I felt it."
They both laughed, turning their heads to look at each other, too tired to move much else. Remus' eyes lingered on the bite, dark and red against Sirius' pale, flawless skin. He smiled and lifted his hand to trace it with his fingertip.
"You're mine…" he whispered.
Sirius caught his wrist and brought his hand to his lips to kiss it. "I've always been yours, Remus."
Hey guys, similar to a few chapters ago, I don't have time to edit as thoroughly as normal so this chapter is a bit more rough than others. I'll get to it eventually but life is busy right now and I don't want to deprive you guys so here it is anyway.
You can find me anywhere and everywhere at Via889Fanfiction and my Podcast is at themaraudersoliviasversion everywhere too.
