Like Herding Nexu
By Andrew J Talon
Yavin IV
Ahsoka Tano didn't look up when the hatch to her shuttle opened up. He stepped in, his boots clanking on the metal deck before he stopped a meter away. Han Solo remained silent for a moment. Ahsoka chose to speak first.
"... Sorry I didn't get there in time," Ahsoka said quietly. Her visitor shrugged.
"Eh... No way you'd have gotten past that blockade."
Ahsoka slowly nodded, still focused on her data padds and flimsies.
"I could have, back in the day."
"Yeah, but then you'd have had a whole fleet of your own Destroyers," Han observed. "As you keep reminding me."
"You're going to give me something she sent, aren't you?"
"Well..." Han pulled something out of his pocket, and turned it over in his hands, "She did go to the trouble of paying Karrde to get it to me. Probably knew you'd destroy it outright."
Ahsoka sighed, her eyes still locked on the paperwork but not reading any of it.
"Yeah..."
"That bad?" Han asked.
Ahsoka scowled at her desk.
"I thought that... After everything I'd been through, it would hurt less," she admitted. "I thought I could let go. But seeing her again, alive? I'm... I'm right back there. Seeing my friend frame me. Kill people I knew. Betray me, betray everything... And I'm not even sure she was completely wrong."
Han nodded slowly.
"Yeah."
"So I'm fine with not seeing it, or paying her any mind," Ahsoka growled, "Until we have to fight her and her ridiculous idea of making the Empire nicer from within!"
"Are you sure?"
Ahsoka finally turned her glare onto Han. He remained calm and composed, matching her gaze.
"What did she say to you?"
"Thought you didn't care."
"I...!" Ahsoka looked away. Han smiled wryly, his eyes empathetic.
"For what it's worth, she did save my life. Saved Chewie, Lando, and Kyp. Made sure Daala let us go. More than that... She let Kyp go. She let him choose."
Han kept turning the item in his hands over and over, as he continued to speak.
"Frankly, I think she's crazy. Just because she married a half-decent Imperial makes her think she can make the rest of it not terrible. I also think she feels she's carrying the weight of the galaxy on her shoulders, and has to do a lot of it. To make up for her past sins."
Ahsoka bowed her head.
"You're saying we're a lot alike, aren't you?"
"Well, she's not agonizing about her biological clock, so not completely alike-"
"Han!"
Han chuckled and held up his hands.
"Hey hey! Easy there! Trying to lighten the mood!" He shook his head. "In any case... I do think she's crazy. But I'm also willing to repay a debt to someone who saved my life. So..."
He set the holocrecorder on the table, over the forgotten flimsiwork.
"You can either listen to it or not," Han stated, "But I think we both know you'd feel a hell of a lot better if you did."
Ahsoka sucked in a breath.
"That's not guaranteed-"
"Nothing is. That's life. Get used to it," Han observed. He turned and made his way to the hatch.
Ahsoka hesitated... And then hit the play button. A holographic image of Barriss appeared, standing in front of her with her hands together.
"Ahsoka. I'm not asking your forgiveness. Even time doesn't heal all wounds," the recording began, "I don't know what could let you forgive me, if you ever do. All I can say is that... I was wrong. I was broken and angry and..." She sighed.
"None of that excuses my actions. All I can say is that... On the night the Temple was sacked, Gil was there. He found me, ejected out of the Temple prison complex. I was ready to die, to atone for my sins."
She smiled wryly, and shook her head.
"He told me to shut up and get in the speeder. He carried me the whole way. He got me to Corellia, he introduced me to his family... He showed me that I wasn't seeking to die for redemption. I wanted to escape. I wanted to end it because I was lost, in despair, and couldn't see any way out."
Barriss sucked in a breath, regaining her composure.
"I learned... That I could still be loved. That I still had good in me. That I could do good. I lived under the Empire's shadow, having to hide myself. There wasn't a day I didn't worry that my children or myself would be found out. And yet...? I found a reason to live. I found a way to do good, to bring good into this galaxy."
She seemed to look Ahsoka right in the eyes.
"Love redeemed me, Ahsoka. It redeemed Anakin Skywalker. I want to believe it can redeem this galaxy, too. I don't want the Imperial Remnant to rule the galaxy... I want our Orders to bring peace and justice back to the galaxy. To let people live as they wish and without Palpatine around... Maybe we can do that. I don't know if it's possible. But I found my faith in the Force... In myself... Restored by you and Luke and everyone else."
Barriss swallowed.
"I hope... I pray, that one day, we can meet again. Maybe not as friends... But at least, not as enemies. And I hope and pray the same for the two sides of this war."
Barriss sucked in a deep breath.
"I've included an encoded holocomm number. If you need to contact me, use it. I will answer. I don't know how much good it will let me do... But I want to believe some good can come of it. Thank you for listening to this, Ahsoka. Thank you. May... May the Force be with you."
The recording ended. Ahsoka held the holorecorder in her hands. They shook slightly, as she turned the device over a few times.
For a moment, she held it up over the trash receptacle. For a moment, she wanted to let it drop, crush the recording into nothing, forget the whole thing...
Ahsoka sighed, and pulled the holorecorder back. She tucked it into her robes.
And she went back to work.
