There are only two reasons why the yokai descend from Mount Kurama to our village: war or women. In either case, they come for death. They come today.
My hands shake as I reach for the next jar. My solace and calm are hidden somewhere among the herb-filled containers that line the shelves of my shop. If I dig deep enough within them, keep looking between them, and continue mixing their contents, I might find some semblance of peace. There are two more poultices to make, one more sleeping draught, a strengthening potion, several healing salves...about five hours of work and only two hours to do it all.
If the Human Queen isn't found among the women of our village, war will befall us. War would lead to our demise under the might of the yokai. Finding her would fulfill the treaty and secure the safety of our people for another century. But if you are her, you might as well be dead.
It's the lack of the queen that has the whole village on edge, myself included.
The tinkling of the bell above the door to my shop steals my attention from the meditation of my work.
"I'm sorry, but I'm only open for emergencies to—" I still has I settle the heavy jar of dried valerian root on my counter. There's a familiar reflection on its surface—a man with light brown hair and doe eyes, carrying a large bag. I peer up quickly, affirming my suspicion. "Renji! What're you doing here so early?"
Renji stands in more traditional garb than he usually wears as a Keeper of Kurama. His dark kimono is freshly pressed and there isn't a trace of dirt anywhere. The Keepers of Kurama look after the temple and forest at the edge of our village, at the foot of Mount Kurama. They're the ones who traditionally deal with the yokai, and keep anyone in Sataka from accidently crossing the barrier and over into the demon world.
My work is quickly forgotten. I pop up the counter and step over to the other side. Renji drops the bag with a heavy thud on the planked floor and sweeps me up into his arms. The embrace goes on for a little longer than what is deemed appropriate for friends greeting each other.
His grip loosens, but he doesn't fully release me. His slack arms rest around my waist and I don't know what to do with my hands. Eventually, however, they settle on his shoulders. Though what I want to touch is his chest.
I want to kiss him.
I've wanted to kiss Renji for the last few months now, likely more. I knew it when he came with me on my excursion to find winter root deep in the frigid marshes. I knew when he told me that the lack of a Human Queen meant that Renji's duties as one of the Keepers would triple, preventing him from spending as much time with me.
I likely wanted to kiss him before I really even understood what kissing was—back when we were small children playing games in the woods at the start of our lifelong friendship. But realizing you have a want to kiss someone makes everything agonizing. If I still thought we were just friends, I could've kissed him several times on a dare, or a whim, or if he asked. I could have kept his company without my stomach doing flips.
But this wanting makes every moment between us unbearable. Especially because I can't kiss him. Doing so would be cruel...to both of us.
"Well, you've seen me now." I finally break away, smoothing out my smock. I'm at war with myself around him. Every second hurts. I want him to sweep me up in his arms again. But I can't want that. I know I can't deep down in my marrow. I don't have time for him; duty calls me. He's already too distracting as a friend. "I'm sure you're busy with the Keepers today, preparing for the arrival of the yokai delegation this evening. We can go out to the forest tomorrow."
Assuming there is a tomorrow...
"I want to take you this morning," he says in a tone I thought was reserved only for my dreams. "But I want to go farther than the forest."
"What are you talking about?" I ask, returning to the other side of the counter, where I continue adding various dried herbs into one of my most prized possessions—a silver kettle.
It's one of two gifts from Renji. The kettle was a gift upon my return of traveling abroad to practice my hand in apothecary. The other gift, a necklace, he gave me when I was just a girl and it's never left my person since. Both are breathtaking. I generally keep the necklace hidden to avoid drawing attention. I don't want to get Renji in trouble for any favoritism.
"I want to take you away." He motions to the bag at his feet. "I've prepared traveling supplies. There's a boat at the harbor ready for us to go."
I shake my head, as if I can jostle his words enough that they'll fall into an order that makes sense. "Traveling? A boat?"
"We'll start in Kiso, obviously. You still have connections from your time spent there, right? Maybe we could stay with some of your old friends as we make our way," Renji suggests casually, as though we're talking about strolling up to the bluffs to the south of town. He doesn't break eye contact with me though—that's how I know he's serious. Dread tastes as metallic as fear. "And then who knows where from there?"
I force laughter. I wish I could pretend like he's joking. "What has gotten into you? We can't just leave. I have obligations here—and so do you, for that matter. Who will mend bones, stop fevers, and ensure the Weakness is kept at bay if I leave?" Though there's little even I can do on that last one. The Weakness has been a withering sickness plaguing my people. It beats my attempts to combat it at every turn.
"Our work is what we do, not who we are. Nothing traps us here. We're not like the old ones in town who are only kept alive by the blessings from Mount Kurama. We can leave. We'll make it out."
"Even if that were true, the yokai are coming today. I have to get my work done before the gathering; I can't let everyone down. Mister Sato needs his tea and Mayumi needs her strengthening potion or her heart—"
"Kaori, we have to leave." Renji walks over and leans against the counter with both elbows. His voice drops to a hush as he glances upstairs.
"They're not awake yet," I say of my parents. Their room is above my shop and it's been quiet for the two hours I've been up working.
"The Keepers still haven't found the Human Queen. The magic in the line has been fading for some time."
They say that the power of the Human Queen is passed from one woman to the next when the former dies. No one knows what would happen if there wasn't a queen to be taken. It'd be unprecedented.
"Some of my fellow Keepers think that maybe she just isn't here at all. Maybe the magic ran out. Which is all the more reason to get out while we can."
Since the treaty between the yokai and our village was struck over a thousand years ago, there has been a woman selected from Sataka every hundred years like clockwork. Finding her was never hard; she's the only human with magic, after all. But this time, not one young woman of our village has mended something with a thought, or made plants grow from barren earth, or had animals swear their allegiance to her.
Now it's been one hundred and one years since a Human Queen was chosen, and the town is suffering because of it.
"If she's not here then I especially can't leave. The Weakness is spreading through the town. People are dying as young as one hundred and ten. I have to do what I can to stop it." And if there is war to come, healers will be needed more than ever. But I can't bring myself to voice that—I can hardly think it.
"If there is no Human Queen, you can do nothing to stop it. The town's connection to Mount Kurama will die with it. Their lifespans reduced to nothing more than those beyond our village." Renji grabs my hands. "The yokai are coming, and I've had a terrible dream about their arrival. Please, let's leave now."
"Renji," I say gently, reaching forward to caress the shadow of brown stubble across his chin. The constant stubble is new. I can't tell if he's growing a beard, or just keeping it closely cropped. Either way, I think I like it. "You look like you haven't slept. And you've been under a lot of stress with a long day ahead. Let me make a strengthening brew for you and then something for you to take tonight to help you sleep."
"I haven't slept because I've been preparing for us to leave before war breaks out." Renji pushes away from the counter and ducks under the thoroughfare. I'm cornered—counter to one side, shelves of herbs on the other, Renji before me, and no exit behind. "I want to take you away. I want to keep you safe."
"Renji," I say once more, wanting to reason with him. I want to pretend like he's joking but I can tell he's serious. "I can't just leave."
"You can. Of course you can!" The tone of his voice gives me pause. The way he is looking at me now leaves me breathless. I have to remind myself to breathe. "I want to take you away and spend time with you. Kaori, surely you know by now... I love you. I've loved you for a long time."
I open and close my mouth, several times. I think I've always known, deep down, of Renji's affection for me. And I love him, too. I love him enough that I dreamed of this moment. But in my dreams I was wearing something nicer than my work smock and I didn't stink of lavender oil.
His expression falls in the way of my silence. "Oh, I see... I was hoping that you might—"
"I love you, too." As soon as I get the words out, sensation returns. Tingling vanishes from my toes. My whole body bursts with laughter. "I've loved you since I was a child."
"Then come with me, Kaori." Renji grabs my hands. His thumbs run over my knuckles.
"You know I can't do that," I whisper.
"But you love me."
"I do."
"Then let's leave." He tugs at my hand.
"Renji, I can't." I'm unwavering. His expression sobers up quickly. "I want to—I wish I could go with you. But I can't just leave. This village has invested so much in me; I must be here when they need me."
The people of Sataka paid for my years abroad when my parents could not afford to. They provided me with enough money to cover food and lodgings anywhere I went. They supported me at every turn with the hard-earned scraped-together mon at the bottom of their pockets.
"Besides," I continue, softer. "If the Human Queen isn't found, and the council can't sort things with the yokai, there's nowhere we could run. All of us are doomed at that point. I would rather stay here with our people and face whatever may come."
"We could find a way," he insists. I shake my head. "If you love me, truly love me, then that's all you need. Our love can be enough, Kaori."
"But—" I don't get to finish.
In a wide step, he closes the distance between us. One arm snakes around my waist while the other cups my cheek. He tilts my face upward and I don't fight him. I don't want to. Renji's lips meet mine as my eyes close. The stubble that lines his lips is rough on my face. But I hardly notice; my sole focus is kissing him.
How much movement is too much, and how much is too little, when it comes to kissing?
I had been waiting for this moment. I'd been waiting for these lips. Yet…as he pulls away, I'm left awkward and unfulfilled. None of this is quite how I imagined it would happen. I'm not soaring. My heart isn't fluttering. Something in me is detached and…sad?
A soft 'ahem' comes from the doorway behind us. Renji turns. My face is hot as I meet my mother's grinning eyes—the same shade of hazel as mine. To make embarrassing and awkward matters worse, my kettle begins to hiss and the sleeping draught I was making is now boiling over my counter.
"Oh!" I rush over, beginning to mop up the mess. My mother crosses with a laugh, helping lift the kettle off the heat. "Renji, it's good to see you; would you like to stay for breakfast this morning?"
"I would love to." He gives a dashing smile. Hopefully the need to fill his stomach distracts him from his insane notion of leaving. And when he's full, he'll have a more level head.
"I have work to do," I needlessly remind them both.
"And doing it on an empty stomach is pointless." My mother tucks wayward strands of fiery hair—the same hue as mine—back into her bun. "Take a break, hardworking daughter of mine. You are not going to be saving a life in the twenty minutes it takes you to eat a scone and a boiled egg."
"One of your scones sounds lovely."
"It's settled, then." My mother titters and I roll my eyes. "Now, come upstairs, both of you."
Upstairs, a plate of scones is in the center of the table—lavender and orange. It's incredible the number of different plants that grow on Mount Kurama. Too many. So many that it should be impossible. But the main water source for us flows through the mountain itself, making the impossible possible here.
Father is seated at the head of the table. His glasses hang on the tip of his nose as he looks over paperwork—no doubt going over speeches before the gathering today.
"Good morning, Renji," he says without looking up.
Renji has been coming around since we could walk and is as much a staple in this kitchen as my mother's iron pot or my potted herb garden in the back window. "Surprised to see you today." He pauses. "Though I suppose today is the usual day you escort Kaori to the forest."
"I thought we could get it done before the sun was up. That way I could get back to my duties as Keeper," Renji says cordially as he sits, helping himself to a scone.
No mention of trying to steal me away, thankfully.
"What are the Keepers doing about all this?" Mother asks from where she works a skillet behind me.
"Mother—"
"We're doing our best to find the Human Queen," Renji says calmly.
"Well, maybe there shouldn't be one," Mother huffs.
"Naomi," Father cautions.
"It's true, Ichiro, and you know it. The village council is just as bad as the Keepers." Mother is as aggressive as the boiling water she pulls eggs from.
"Can we just have a nice breakfast, please?" I beg. I'm so tired of hearing about the Keepers pointing the finger at the council for not being more aggressive in trying to find the Human Queen by interrogating the townsfolk, and the council pointing the finger at the Keepers for not sharing more of their old relics or histories that could help identify the Human Queen.
Father thinks there must be something the Keepers are hiding. Renji claims otherwise and says the council doesn't share enough information with the temple. They both look to me to take their side and it takes all of my effort to remind them that all I care about is keeping the people of this village healthy—I have no horse in their race.
"If there's no Human Queen then all of our people will die a horrible death as they use their wild magic to peel our skin from our bones, turn us into beasts of the deep woods, curdle our blood, and worse; I think it's safe to say none of us want that." Father flips through his papers.
"We're dying now." Mother situates the eggs on a platter and sets it on the table. "You've heard about the Weakness. Men and women are falling where they stand. We are dying like any regular human."
"Once the queen is found the order will be restored and the treaty will be fulfilled," Father says. "No more of this Weakness."
"Is that true? Do we know that things will return to normal for certain?" Mother turns to Renji.
"So the texts that outline the treaty say." Renji peels an egg.
She sighs and grabs a scone, tearing off a hunk and mumbling, "While I hate the notion of this Human Queen business, if it must happen then let it be done with. My heart bleeds for the family whose daughter will be taken though…" Mother squeezes my hand. I'm too old—historically the Human Queen have displayed magic tendencies at sixteen or seventeen. I remember a few years when my parents watched me closely. Thankfully, there's not a trace of magic in me. "What a grim circumstance to see your daughter get married under."
"Speaking of weddings," Renji says casually. "Has Kaori told you both yet?"
My parents exchange a look with me. I glance nervously between them and Renji. I've no idea what he's talking about.
"Told us what?" Father is the one to ask.
"Kaori has agreed to marry me."
A/N: I've been re-watching Inuyasha and my love for Sesshomaru has been reignited... :)
P.S. Please keep in mind that this story is AU.
