"Never Give Up (On Each Other)"

Author: carmen_085

Disclaimer: I do not own any Walking Dead Characters. I do own all original characters.

Summary: In the months before the beginning of the apocalypse, Daryl finds himself homeless, alone, and with no direction. An adult Beth is struggling to balance her job, sick parents, and the farm. Feeling like the world is suffocating her, will taking a chance on a stranger change everything ? Can these two find what they need in each other before life as they know it ends and they must do anything to survive. AU but eventual ZA with full cast.

Chapter Twenty Eight

Slumped against the back of the barn Beth stared numbly as Shane and Daryl dug another grave. The dirt on Sophia's grave not even dried, her mama's barely settled; and here they were digging another. Chaos would be an understatement for what happened after. Andrea was furious, launching herself at Glenn and pummeling him to the ground. Maggie, of course, intervened pulling the smaller woman off her husband with a bellowing 'How dare you ?'

That was when Beth snapped shooting up to her feet, her sharp voice cutting through the night. 'How dare YOU, Maggie.' Her anger spilled out in a torrent from there, the others standing by helpless to stop her. She'd promised these people safe harbor here, and right under everyone's noses they were keeping a walker in the trunk of their car. Her sister argued back that it wasn't a walker, it was Glenn's mama and she was just sick. Beth snorted at that- she wasn't sick, she was dead, a flesh eating monster that had just eviscerated poor Dale twenty feet from the barn. She hadn't known the man well but judging by the reaction of everyone else he was a valued member of their group. Not a fighter but someone who kept them grounded in humanity- a waning quality in this world and as well as her own family.

In the moonlight Beth's eyes wandered to their faces, sure that guilt was written all across hers. Andrea was beside herself, squatting on the ground vacillating between despair and rage. T-Dog and Carol embraced both of their eyes averted from the mess on the ground. Lori pressed herself against Rick's chest as he made uneasy eye contact with Shane. She knew what they were thinking. If they were to stay here, this place needed to be safe not just for their people but also for the boy. Carl was barely up and about and even when he did come to be in perfect health he was still just a child. If this place wasn't safe could they stay ? Should they stay ? And if not where the fuck would they go ?

It was unsteady ground; Maggie was Beth's sister and Hershel's daughter- she had more of a stake to this land than any of them. But what she'd done was wrong; not just believing that the walkers were still alive but also betraying their trust. In these new and strange times trust was they had. Turning Beth met Daryl's gaze, he was silent as always studying everything going on around him. His crossbow low and ready he gave Beth the barest of nods. She had no choice and she knew that.

'Maggie I want you and Glenn gone.' A silence fell over the group. She knew Daryl would support her always but when she met Shane's eyes in the darkness and he nodded also she knew that she'd done the right thing. It wasn't lost on Beth that the three of them had formed a posse of sorts and honestly she didn't mind. Like her and Daryl, Shane was rooted in the reality of this situation while the rest of his people were struggling to catch up. She had an inkling that Maggie was completely lost and this only confirmed it. Beth turned on her heel knowing that she'd said her piece and made her decision. Throwing her sister out onto the road was nothing she took lightly but what just happened couldn't be. She could not have them here thinking that the walkers could be saved. That they weren't dangerous. That any of this was alright.

Eyes fluttering closed Beth listened to the sound of their shovels in the dirt, her mind still trying to catch up to all that just happened. Maggie hadn't taken the news well, naturally, and the minute that Beth started for the house her sister was hot on her heels. 'You can't do this Beth…where are we supposed to go ?" The thinly veiled hysteria in her voice made Beth second guess that this was the right decision. She could still smell Dale's blood on her hands though. What if it had been someone else ? Rick or Lori…Carl..or even Daryl. She would have never forgiven herself. Stopping at the bottom of the stairs, Beth turned the flicker of fire illuminating both their faces in sharp angles.

'There are plenty of farms out there now, Maggie. You and Glenn will have to find your own. Build it up or keep a barn full of walkers. I don't really care. '

For once in her life Maggie was speechless and stung. She stood there opened mouth as Beth stomped up and the stairs and slammed the door. Hershel and Carl immediately coming from the kitchen the boy paled at the sight of blood on her shirt. She looked at her daddy, her gaze surely empty at this point. 'It was Dale'

She left them there, Rick and Lori rushing into the house a moment later to assure their son that everything was going to be alright. Drawing a sink full of cold water and lighting a candle, Beth exhaled looking at herself in the mirror. When the knock came at the door she'd just removed her shirt and was standing there in nothing but a stained white cotton bra and jeans, her hair hanging loosely over her shoulders. She was tempted to tell whoever it was to go away but as the door creaked open and Daryl slipped inside she felt herself sag with gratitude. Without a word he took her into his arms letting her crumble against him. Beth was surprised when the sob escaped her throat, muffled by his strong chest, he simply tightened his grip and tangled his fingers in her hair. They staying that way for a while, him holding her and letting her feel whatever she needed to feel right now.

When she felt Daryl guiding her toward the toilet and sitting her down she didn't protest. This man was her safety and her retreat, whatever he wanted right now she would do without question. Setting his crossbow down with a small thud his slitted eyes looked toward the sink before taking a washcloth and dipping it into the clean water. Lathering a bit of soap onto it, he came to sit beside on her the ledge of the tub. Slowly and gently, Daryl began to clean her skin earning him a soft moan as she closed her eyes. There was nothing sexual about the situation but Beth couldn't deny that being cared for like this ignited a whole other kind of passion inside her. Resting her hand on his thigh to steady herself she rubbing soothing circles against the worn fabric with her thumb.

'You did the right thing.' His low voice broke the silence as her hand stopped for just a moment considering what he'd said. 'They made it all the way from Michigan on the road…they'll be fine.' It was as if he could sense her uncertainty. Mulling it over Beth, finally relented with a sigh.

'I know.' She did know. But that didn't make it any easier.

They took their time upstairs in the bathroom, Daryl tending to both her body and her emotions. For someone who claimed to have never been loved before he sure knew what he was doing. But when Beth finally came downstairs, not even the warmth of his love was enough to shield her from the harsh glare of her father.

'That is your sister young lady! And you will not send her out there…' She stilled halfway to the door intent on giving Rick and his group an assurance that they were safe here and Dale would be laid to rest with dignity. That her crazy sister and wayward brother in law would be gone before the sun came up. And that she was unbelievably sorry for everything that happened. But her daddy had other ideas and no way would he side with a group of strangers before his own daughter- his chosen daughter no less. No matter how wrong she'd been or how badly she screwed up, Maggie was his family no matter how wrong she'd been.

Maybe Beth could see it that way if Maggie had been there- at all. Long before the world went to shit and Daryl had come to farm, Beth was managing the whole thing on her own. Seeing to her very sick mama, cleaning up after her alcoholic daddy, working full time, and keeping the farm afloat the best way she knew how. She cried and screamed and was practically insane with anxiety and had her sister shown up then and offered to help during the hardest part of her life, maybe she could have seen this differently. But now, the world comes to an end and she had something Maggie wanted. That's all this is…all it ever was.

'I kept this farm, you, and mama going for the last year. I'm a grown woman in case you haven't realized and the reason you're all standing here today is because of me !' She took a step toward her daddy who was clearly shocked by her outburst. 'You crawled into the bottle when things got hard and I handled shit.' Maggie stumbled into the house with Glenn not far behind, a mix of despair and confusion on his face. 'Not her !' She jammed her finger in the air toward Maggie. 'Oh no! She had her simple, happy life. And I was FUCKING DYING !' Beth's chest was heaving with anger now. 'This is my farm now. And if you don't like it you can leave with them !' Maggie was crying now, full out sobbing that made Beth angrier if possible. These people were her blood and she was effectively throwing them out. Still, all she could think about was how they'd abandoned her….not just now but also when she needed them most.

'Bethy…please…' She leveled her gaze at her sister.

'You have until dawn. Then I want you gone.' Daryl followed her as she pushed the screen door open letting it slam behind her.


Even now, all these hours later, Beth jumped thinking about that sound. Her eyes fluttered open as Shane and Daryl lowered Dale into the grave, the bloody sheet wrapped around him the only thing sparing them all from the horror of last night. Maggie and Glenn left before the sun came up, she hadn't bothered to say goodbye and right now Beth didn't really care. She wasn't sure when it happened but somewhere along the way, Maggie had stopped being her sister and had turned into Glenn's wife. A stranger she used to know.

Shane came to her first, squatted down in front of her and looking around silently before his eyes went to the ground between them. "I know that wasn't easy for you….but what you did was right." His eyes drifted up meeting hers as he offered a serious nod. "And I respect the hell out of you for it." Her lips turned up slightly as she nodded letting him that know she appreciated him saying that. Rubbing her knee her knee affectionately, Daryl came to stand beside him.

"Only thing left is round everyone up…let 'em say their piece." Shane wiped the sweat from his face as he nodded.

"Right. Think it might be best if Andrea stays inside." Beth's eyes flicked up at mention. The woman had spent the majority of the night sobbing in the barn. Unable to be consoled by Lori or Carol she simply laid there and cried loud enough for everyone to hear. They all felt the loss, but Andrea felt it sharper; Dale being somewhat of a father figure to her. Beth wasn't sure she could ever look at Andrea again. She told these people they were safe here and look at what happened. "I'll get them together." Shane looked back at the hole in the ground as he sighed. "Get this whole mess over with."

Once he was gone, Daryl reached down and lifted her up. Taking her into his arms, he held her there for a moment before nodding toward the house. "Get your daddy, see if he'll say a few words." Beth nodded silently. After the confrontation last night, Hershel retreated to the basement. Beth didn't need to go down there to figure out what he was doing. Even though she was sure she'd dumped all his booze down the drain, she figured he had a bottle or two hidden somewhere. Fucking typical of him, retreat back to his old friend when shit got rough. Sighing she turned, Daryl kept his arm around her as they slowly walked back to the house. What came next she couldn't have guessed.

The blue farm truck had been patched up and returned by the garage in town after Hershel put it into a ditch with Annette riding shotgun. It sat by the barn all this time, unused until right now. A spray of dirt hit them both as the engines roared and the truck peeled out heading down the driveway. As it passed them they both caught a look at Hershel behind the wheel as he sped off the farm.


Beth was in disbelief that had her daddy had actually gone. Perhaps he went after Maggie, or maybe he just took off on his own. Most likely he'd gone into town to find some more booze having burned through his hidden stash and now in desperate need of something else. Standing at the head of Dale's freshly covered grave she looked out over the group and began to recite a verse she knew well.

"Jesus told them, 'I am the resurrection and the life. Anyone who believes in me will live, even after who lives in me and believes in me will never ever die.'" The verse took on a whole new meaning these days apparently. Rick stepped up next to her nodding towards Dale's grave.

"Thank you Beth." He looked around at the others nodding bitterly and exhaling deeply, he shook his head, "Dale could get under your skin…he sure got under mine. He wasn't afraid to say to what he thought, how he felt. That kind of honesty is rare…and brave. Whenever I'd make a decision I'd look at Dale and he'd be looking back at me with that look he had. We all saw it one time or another. I couldn't always read him but he could read us….he saw things for what they were." He paused taking a long breath. "It no one's fault, what happened to Dale. And Beth has done everything and more to fix the problem." His eyes flicked to her for a moment. "We're grate…."

Before he could finish a howl of pain cut through the silence. Lori doubled over next to Rick holding her stomach and going down to one knee.

"Mom ?! MOM ?!" Carl quickly dissolved into a panic eyes darting every direction as the rest of the group quickly formed a circle around her, Rick at the center.

"What is it ?" His own voice had a tone of panic that caused a ripple through the group, their collective murmuring increasing in volume. Handing her daddy's bible to Daryl, Beth immediately parted the crowd going to Lori and instantly noticing how pale she was. Daryl exhaled tugging on the strap of his crossbow and silently wondering what the hell was going on now. The group had quickly closed ranks fussing and clucking, save for Andrea who stood back in shock and Shane who lingered on the outskirts, clear worry painted on his face. Whatever was happening Beth would handle it. He knew that, trusted it, and would stack what that girl could do against anyone else- against everyone else.

When Beth emerged from the crowd with Lori under her arm, the first thing Daryl could see was the sheen of sweat on the older woman's face, that and how ghosts white she was. This was surely not going to be nothing, and he knew that Dale's service was effectively over. Beth along with Lori, Carl, and Rick moved toward the house. Carl was almost in total panic, but thankfully Carol stepped up taking the boy under her arm and giving the others some space. T-Dog and Andrea still stood at Dale's grave, staring down at the dirt, almost numb to the idea of another catastrophe. Daryl supposed he could finish up here. Slowly and carefully he began to lay rocks over the grave so an animal wouldn't disturb the remains. After a while T-Dog began to help, planting the wooden cross at the head with a sigh.

"I was so mean to him." Andrea made eye contact with them both, tears coming down her cheeks. "He was just trying to take care of me….and I was nothing but a bitch." Well, Daryl couldn't argue that one. Still, he understood the regret and offered the woman what little he could.

"He knew you cared. Everyone's hurtin' in their own way right now." She nodded slowly wiping the tears away. Eyes wandering toward the house, Daryl saw that Shane was sitting on the porch steps. Biting down on his lower lip, he figured he better check on Beth see if she needed anything.


When Beth and Rick laid Lori down on the same bed that Carl had once occupied, she knew someone was really wrong. Slipping immediately back into what she knew, she got a set of vitals, started a line, and hung a bag of fluids. Beth had one vial of Morphine left from everything that both she and Daryl as well as Shane had amassed on their separate runs. Most of the medications had gone to Carl so that her daddy could operate on him and he would hold absolutely still. When Lori had finally quieted and wasn't writhing in pain any longer, Beth tentatively touched her abdomen finding it rigid and tender. Oh God…this was something she couldn't fix. Unbelievably, she needed her daddy.

Turning to Rick, she explained the situation as well as her suspicions. Appendicitis most likely with the rapid onset- she needed a surgeon. He nodded and with barely restrained emotion asked her where her daddy might have gone off to. Beth sighed, there was a chance that he'd gone after Maggie but seeing as how she'd left hours before he'd be far behind hopeless to catch up to them in that old truck. More than likely, he was at a bar in town. A place he used to frequent in his drinking days, she thought it was the best bet. Rick nodded not having the first clue where to start he turned to the door just as Daryl appeared, crossbow in tow he made eye contact with Beth.

"Anything you need ?" She pursed her lips already knowing what was going to happen and hating it all the same. Every time he went out there, there was a chance he wouldn't be coming back and that just simply unthinkable.

"We need to find Hershel." Daryl blinked, not exactly what he had in mind nor had he ever been Rick's wingman. Eyes wandering to Lori, he trusted that Beth's assessment had yielded the grim prognosis they were all anticipating. This wasn't just gastritis or food poisoning, something serious was going on.

"Alright." Even if Daryl wanted to say no he couldn't. No one else knew the town except for Beth and right now she needed to be here. Besides, he'd never let her go out there for anything if he could help it.

"You said he's probably in town, at one of the local bars ? How do you know he didn't go after your sister ?" Beth shrugged offering Rick what paltry reassurance she could.

"I don't know. That truck won't get him far either way…" The three of them thought that over in silence before Lori let out a low moan. Coming to her side, Beth checked to make sure everything was functioning properly and that her vitals were still stable. It didn't make much sense honestly- appendicitis was the most likely culprit but she didn't have a fever. For a moment Beth wondered if this was the virus- that virus- and if Lori had somehow become infected. If it was she hated to admit there wouldn't be much anyone could do. Shaking the thought away she focused back on the obvious. She needed her daddy- unfortunately- and there no way around it. Looking up to Rick she nodded toward the door. "You'd better go."

A new wave of panic broke out over his face as he came to his wife holding and kissing her in her semi-unconscious state assuring her that he'd be back in a just a moment. Beth felt Daryl gather her against him, she was unwilling to look at him knowing that the tears in her eyes would betray her strong facade. He didn't need to be worry about her right now; he needed to go out there with Rick and get this done- and most importantly come back to her safe. Gently he turned her to face him, the tears spilling over as their lips met.

"I love you." She was surprised he said such in a thing in front of an audience, although Rick was in no shape to notice. Smiling slightly she nuzzled herself against his chest.

"I love you." He was gone before she knew it; slipping from her arms, shouldering his crossbow, and following Rick out the door. Her arms aching from the space he'd just occupied.

They exchanged a few words with Shane who quickly agreed that he would watch over Lori and Beth until they got back. Dispatching T-Dog and Andrea to watch duties they both seemed relieved for something to do- anything to distract from reality. Carol had taken it upon herself to keep Carl occupied which they were all grateful for including her. Just yesterday she was smothered by her grief for Sophia, this morning it was Dale, now consumed with worry for Lori she took solace in seeing to the boy. In a little while she'd go out and stoke up the fire, put on a pot of coffee for Beth and Hershel when he got back. Keeping busy, she'd learned, was the only way not to go crazy with grief.


After Daryl and Rick left and all the others headed off to their own jobs, Beth asked Shane if he'd sit with Lori while she ate something quickly. All the drama this morning with her sister and then her daddy she'd forgotten to eat and hadn't had anything since yesterday afternoon. They were careful with food but they still ate at least twice a day- usually a filling breakfast and then a good dinner. On the counter was a few slices of bread which she didn't hesitate to snatch up taking a couple of eggs from the bowl and out to the fire pit. On the couch, Carol had fallen asleep with Carl in her lap also asleep. No one had rested much the night before after everything with Dale.

Beth was surprised to see that Carol had stoked the fire up and brewed a fresh pot of coffee. Grateful nonetheless, she set the cast iron pan on the rack and proceeded to make herself and Maize an egg. The dog sat next to her whimpering softly, just as hungry as her lady but not daring to interrupt Beth while she was working. Rubbing her head softly Beth buried her face in the dog's fur, a sob escaping her lips. She was so fucking worried about Daryl it almost hurt. If he didn't come back she would die, no doubt about it, there would be no reason left for her to face this shit world alone. Egg sizzling, Maize turned to lick her face reassuring her that everything would be ok, somehow.

Sandwiching the egg between the bread Beth sniffled back the last of her tears as she took a bite. The yolk ran over the crust and down her chin causing her to moan slightly. She'd been starving and hadn't realized until just now. Together her and Maize ate their late breakfast alone as she stared out at the fields. Everything so peaceful and quiet she took a moment to close her eyes.

"BETH!" Eyes snapping back open she wondered if she'd imagined that, drifted off for a second and daydreamed yet another crisis. "BETH !" Shane's voice cut the quiet late afternoon air as she shot up, both her and Maize bounding into the house and straight for Lori's bedside.

She gasped when he her eyes settled on the bed. Lori was on her back and between her legs a rush of blood stained the sheets. Shane looked on helplessly as Carl rushed to see what was wrong, Carol catching him just in time and steering his eyes away.

"It just started coming…I…" Shrugging her flannel off, Beth nodded to Carol who shut the door leaving just her and Shane with Lori. Lifting the sheets she pulled Lori's jeans and then underwear off. WIth a towel she wiped her off needing to see where exactly the blood was coming from although she already knew. Lori was bleeding- heavily- leaving Beth to conclude only one thing. She was pregnant….and this was a miscarriage.

The morphine having worn off, she was awake and moaning her face slick with sweat once again. Shane had taken her by the hand sitting next to the bed he whispered reassurances to her as she half acknowledged him. Beth wasn't sure how to approach the subject but seeing as how the older woman's survival depended on it, she decided forthright was all they really had time for.

"Lori….when was your last period ?" Beth met her eyes as she quickly shook her head.

"It was when we started to run…" In the old world this would have been very straight forward but with the unimaginable stress, physical activity, and malnutrit it was less clear. Still, this much bleeding wasn't normal. Lori was too young for uterine cancer and anyway it didn't present like this.

"Lori…." Shane looked at her, a mix of fear and strange hope in his eyes. "That was right before we…" He trailed off and it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure this one out. Beth had already guessed as much. Settling back she held the towel against Lori's bottom as the blood continued to seep out of her.

"No." It was an answer and a plea. She refused to look at either of them as a loud moan escaped her lips. Shane sat back in the chair, his eyes darting back and forth shock written all over his face. Beth looked away racking her brain, now knowing what the problem was but having no medications to treat it. Uterine hemorrhage wasn't exactly something that had occurred to her as a concern in the apocalypse. Now she wished that Daryl and Rick were here, they didn't need her daddy as much as they needed to go on a run to the hospital. Sighing, she tempered that thought quickly knowing that most everything of value had certainly been taken by now. Still there had to be something….

It came to Beth like a bolt of lightning, shooting her out of her chair with a gasp. Bringing Lori's legs back together she pressed them tightly against the towel. "Hold your legs together as tight as you can, Lori. I'll be right back." Swinging the door open she was met with Carol's worried gaze.

"How is she ?" Beth shook her head not wanting to get into details especially in front of Carl.

"Have you seen my books on herbs?" Carol thought for a moment before nodding.

"Lori was looking at them yesterday, they're in the kitchen." Beth paused for a moment considering that. Strange.

"Thank you." She found the books right where Carol said they would be. Flipping through the one she knew best, she went straight to the section on pregnancy. There were antidotes for nausea, teas to ease contractions, salves for back pain. Flipping a few more pages, she smiled as her eyes landed on the treatment for bleeding. A memory came to her as her eyes fluttered closed.

"Siddiq, don't you have a computer of your own ?" Rosita emerged from the room with a downturned expression, goddamn doctors were always making themselves cozy at her workstation.

Putting his hands up he logged out and gathered his things. "Alright…I'm going." Giving him another look just for good measure Rosita made herself comfortable taking a long sip of cold brew. They'd just put a real honest to God coffee cart in downstairs and it was all the talk. Beth breezed out off the room next door washing her hands and looking fresh as always. "Beth. I was looking for you." Plopping down one seat over he earned a snort and an eye roll from Rosita.

"Oh my God…do your legs no longer work ?" Ignoring Rosita he offered Beth two books.

"The books we talked about last week." She smiled as she always did, whether she was happy or not, and thanked him actually sounding interested.

"Great I can't wait to check them out…" Spinning back and forth in her chair he smiled back.

"Sounds good. Let me know what you think."

"I think you need to continue on rounds before someone dies…." Rosita quipped as Siddiq let out an honest laugh.

"Oh Rosita why are you playing so hard to get ?" Beth laughed this time as her friend scowled rolling her eyes.

Once Siddiq had gone Rosita allowed herself a peek at what he'd brought. Scrunching her nose she shot a dubious look at her friend. "What the hell are you going to do with that ?"

Beth looked back to the book humming as she took a sip of her iced latte. "Can't hurt I guess. To know.." Rosita eyed her shaking her head. "You never know one day plants might be all we have…"

The memory of that night made Beth's heart ache. Not just because she had no idea if Rosita and Siddiq were safe or even alive, but because she craved that normalcy again. Going to work, getting coffee, taking care of actual patients with real equipment, driving her car…christ all the things she took for granted gone in the blink an eye. Looking back down at the book she had to trust that Siddiq was right when he said herbs and plants had a place in medicine, that they could heal ailments just as well as anything modern. Yarrow was not only a natural pain medication but also a coagulant. Purported to slow menstrual hemorrhage it was her best bet right now. Thankfully she'd seen plenty of Yarrow growing wild in the woods.

"Shane ?" He jumped not realizing how deeply he'd been considering the situation with Lori. The nausea, the headaches, the fatigue; it all made sense now. She was pregnant and if he'd not been such an idiot he would have seen it sooner. Beth stood in front of him, the traces of hope on her face."I think I can help her. I need you to come with me out into the woods though. There's a plant that helps with bleeding, it grows wild out there." He looked at her for a moment and Beth wondered if he would call her crazy but after rubbing a hand through his hair he nodded.

"Whatever you say, Beth. You gotta go out into the woods, must be for a damn good reason." Carol appeared in the doorway right on cue, she must have been listening

"I'll keep an eye on her…" Nodding, the two of them gathered a few supplies before setting off.


Shane wasn't surprised that Beth knew exactly what she was looking for. From all that he'd seen there pretty much wasn't anything that girl could't do. Her sister, on the other hand, was as hysterical and ridiculous as they came; second only to her Chinese husband and his undead mother. He couldn't think about it much, though, Lori and whatever the hell was happened to her in the forefront of his mind. It seemed pretty obvious at this point that she was pregnant and this was a miscarriage. The way that she refused to even consider that it could be his child made a lump well in the back of Shane's throat. Swallowing it back, he would deal with that once they took care of Lori and she was alright. All he needed to focus on right now was getting Beth back there in one piece so that she could fix this mess.

Beth was happy to have found the yarrow exactly where she thought it would be. Picking more than enough, Siddiq's book had indicated that it could be boiled into a tea and pinched between the teeth. She'd cut a piece for Lori as soon as they got back and boil down the rest. Hopefully that would do the trick. Halfway back to the farm now she took in the tight set of Shane's shoulders and guessed that he was contemplating whether or not he'd been the cause of all this. Beth's head spun wondering how this would all be explained to Rick once he got back and swiftly decided she would leave herself out of it.

"I think this will work, you know, and hopefully they'll find my daddy. Everything will be alright." He relaxed slightly not knowing that her simple reassurance would have such an effect on him. Nodding he looked toward the herbs in her basket.

"Book told you that's what we need." She nodded a small smile coming to her face.

"Oh yes, there's so much more too." Shane looked at her silently for a moment, rubbing his chin and thinking that over. An image of Lori in the kitchen, bent over a book just two days ago. Studying it closely, he assumed it was a cookbook but now he wondered.

"Is that right ?" He muttered the words more to himself than anyone else as they emerged from the woods and crossed the pasture back to toward the house.


Carol was relieved when Beth and Shane came back through the door. Lori had been moaning and writing with cramping pain, the blood between her legs surely increasing. Too afraid to look herself, Carol stuffed a few more towels down there and hoped that Beth would be back soon. Immediately after washing off what she'd found, Beth came to Lori and with Carol's help they sat her up. Putting a small piece of something in her mouth, Carol watched as Beth gently coaxed Lori to bite it between her teeth.

"Do you mind staying just a bit longer ? I'm going to make her some tea." Carol nodded, of course she didn't mind. In her place, Maize had taken over keeping an eye on Carl pinning the boy to the couch with her big body and demanding pets and kisses. Giggling as she licked his face, even the dog knew that something was gravely amiss with this whole situation.

"Of course not."

Beth was surprised when she found Shane not with Lori but in the kitchen bent over one of her books. Going to the sink she filled the cast iron kettle and took it out to the fire. She'd need to let the herbs steep in the boiling water for a few minutes and then she'd strain it just like the book said, after that she'd test to the taste herself to make sure it wound't make Lori sick. Crouched down in the front of the fire, she felt a strange satisfaction that she might be able to help a person using natural methods. In the past it had been a nice idea but now it was a necessity. Surely if they looked they would be able to find medications still, but eventually that wouldn't be the case and then what would they do ?

Beth was no OB nurse but she figured after giving Lori the tea she would check her again and try to clean her up. She wondered if a uterine massage would help, although she couldn't remember much about it having not thought about the technique since nursing school. Couldn't hurt she reasoned. Pouring the hot water over the yarrow, Beth used a wooden spoon to mash the herb gently hopefully releasing its healing properties. If this didn't work and Daryl didn't find her daddy, she had no idea what they were going to do. A blood transfusion sure, but Lori would need to know her blood type and then they would need a match. The situation with Carl and Rick had been almost uncanny and she doubted that kind of lightning would strike twice.

The screen door slammed open and Shane nearly pushed her over storming toward the barn. Opening her mouth to say something, he was gone before she could ask what the hell was wrong. Maybe he and Lori had words again. She could only imagine how things were going to be when Rick got back. Carefully, Beth took the tea into the house not wanting a spill a drop. It didn't taste bad, a tiny bit bitter and floral it reminded her a chamomile tea, still she would add a few drops of honey to make it more palatable. Carol looked relieved as she came back into the bedroom. Again they sat Lori up and Beth held the cup to her lips.

"Did you swallow what I already gave you ?" She nodded, the cramping subsiding enough for her to find her voice.

"Yes, thank you Beth." Offering Lori a reassuring smile she gestured toward the cup.

"Alright. Drink this and then I'll get you cleaned up. Hopefully, this will help." Beth paused staring the other woman in the eyes, giving her a chance to confess if there was anything she wanted to say without Shane around. Nothing. She said nothing as she averted her eyes and drank the hot liquid. Carol, seeing that Beth now had this under control, excused herself to check on Carl. It was late afternoon and surely the boy was hungry by now.

While Lori drank, Beth busied herself gathering towels and fresh sheets. She wasn't sure if Lori had a change of clothes but surely she could find something around here for her to wear once this was over. Going up to her mama's room, she got a diaper and a pair of pajama pants. She wasn't sure how Lori would feel about the diaper but honestly it made the most sense right now. These weren't times for vanity.

When Beth returned she was pleased to see that Lori had finished the tea and was already looking more comfortable. Now with the pain relieved they just needed the bleeding to slow. "Alright Lori I'm going to clean you up, ok ?" The tight expression on the woman's face should have tipped her off that she was about to find something awful. As Beth parted her legs, pulling the lump of towels away she heard heavy footsteps coming their way. The last towel was completely soaked in blood and as she lifted it away her heart stopped for a moment and she gasped.

A baby

A very little baby, barely large enough to discern as a person but a child nonetheless less. Two little black eyes, nubs for arms and legs, a large rounded head. Her eyebrows knit together as she gently lifted the tiny being off the sheets.

Behind her a pain moaned as Shane came to stand beside her, his hand trembling as it brushed her shoulder. Lori lay in the bed staring straight up at the ceiling expressionless, her face tight she clenched her jaw and waited for what was inevitably going to come next.

"How…." Shane turned looked away as raw emotion radiated off him. "How….How could you do this ?" His voice was high and strained, barely under control. Beth looked up at him ready to defend Lori and say that it was miscarriage- most likely brought on by stress or malnutrition. Nobody's fault.

And then she saw the paper in his hand. A page torn out of Siddiq's book she'd not noticed that anything had been missing. Taking the paper from Shane's hand, her eyes widened and then it all made sense.

'Terminating Unwanted Pregnancies'

She'd given herself an abortion.

Turning back, Beth's hands trembled around the cold baby. When Lori spoke the room deathly quiet.

"I did it because I knew it was yours."

TBC….

Nuclear fallout next chapter. Thanks for reading !

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