Sorry for the lack of updates, I had a few months where I felt like I was on top of the world and then reality hit me harder than zeb wells current run on amazing. I'm pretty sure this is the only story I actually like writing for as of now
Chapter 17
I'll be honest I was still pretty light headed over the revelation I had earlier I didn't know what to think. Never thought I'd actually make it this far in our "relationship". The only thing that was preventing me from freaking out was a sobbing Shade on my back.
Soon enough we made it back to her den where I just laid her down gently only for her to strain herself and hug me tightly. I flinched at the sudden affection I was about to say something until I remembered she was still sobbing. "I'm so sorry, I'm sorry I'm so-" She couldn't stop whimpering almost as if it was uncontrollable for her.
"Shade I forgive you… I'm not just telling you that just to make you feel better I mean it…" I spoke to her, returning the hug lightly patting her back awkwardly, unsure what else I could do to comfort her.
She wouldn't let go of me until I tried setting her down on the floor, causing her to let go hesitantly much to my relief. Despite being with Dawn for so long I still haven't quite gotten used to physical affection let alone from anyone aside from her. It felt wrong or uncomfortable or like I didn't deserve it… I don't know.
I knew Shade wasn't ready to be alone quite yet so I guess I'm probably going to have to stay a few more days at least until she's able to walk on her own. A part of me was frustrated over the fact given my recent epiphany. Silence overtook the room while I stayed in a separate corner of her den taking time to look at the book she had saved after all these years. Granted I had already read the book but It's really the thought that mattered to me. Looking back at the photo I tried to remember when the photo was taken but for the life of me I just couldn't.
Inspecting the photo further I noticed the bruise on my cheek, it wasn't really noticeable because of my fur but I was able to tell it was swollen. I never paid much mind to it then but Shade tried to get my mind off the bullies I had albeit in her own odd way whether it was suggesting a book for me or trading lunches. I guess she was just as antisocial as I was then, but she usually did these things as a way to break the ice after I was beaten… part of me kinda wishes we worked out our differences and were friends. My eyes clenched shut as I remembered the smile she gave me when we were much younger only for it to be replaced by the more sadistic one I was used to as if she got pleasure from seeing bruised and bloodied .
I can't just forget what she did, I could forgive it, sure, especially with her reasoning. But that's where I wanted this to stop, I don't know if I'd be able to befriend her despite the fact she's trying, I just felt so tired and unsure.
I was so used to seeing Shade as someone I should avoid or even hate but now I didn't know what to think anymore. She was just like me, bad childhood and neglectful parents only she had it worse, it makes sense why she snapped. Honestly at this point I'd be more surprised if there was someone I met who didn't have an abusive past. All the more reason why I had wanted to leave town .
But now I didn't want to, because I now had someone I was able to stand by as long as I had Dawn beside me everything else felt like noise.
Turning my gaze back to shade she quickly looked away from me, her face was completely red causing me to put two and two together. "Arceus, how long was she just staring at me?" I was pretty embarrassed to say the least she already admitted she likes me but I'm already spoken for. Yet despite the fact I rejected her feelings she hasn't budged from her stance. She said she understood but also made it apparent she wanted to discuss it with Dawn which is something I'm definitely not going to look forward to.
"You really kept that book after all these years" I finally spoke up desperately trying to break the ice
"You have no idea how many restless nights I spent wishing I could take back what I did" She replied looking down at her paws with her blush fading causing me to just sit beside her. "Way to remind her about the past Spike, Arceus, her guilt is starting to seep in again." I scolded myself. "It's alright… can we please just move on from the past?" I replied
I suck at this…
"You want to leave don't you?" She asked tentatively. I didn't respond at first, she was absolutely right, all I wanted to do at this point was go to Dawn and spend more time with her. But want and will are two completely different things.. "I do… I won't deny that but I'm not leaving you alone… not yet" I replied remembering the fear I felt when she was on the floor dying.
Shade POV
I could only look down in shame as he said those words, I know he doesn't hate me but I know he doesn't want to be near me. Why would he? How many times did he ask, no beg for me to stop? I wasn't expecting this to be easy, the fact that I got his forgiveness to begin with was a blessing. I didn't know how he saw me, whether a thorn by his side or as someone he should avoid like the plague. "It's almost as if he's afraid of me" I thought to myself.
I was interrupted by the photo sliding into my view. "I know I might come off as a jerk by asking but when was this photo taken?" He asked with genuine curiosity. Looking back at the photo I couldn't help but smile as I saw the version of myself I was able to tolerate, full of innocence despite her pain. "Way back… around the time we first met we barely talked... I was only able to get one or two worded responses from you at the time. But I didn't care then I had someone I was able to sit by during my lunch time and to make it better, it was someone I liked..." Both of us looked at each other as if we both understood both how pathetic it sounded but also how much it would've meant to either one of us at the time.
"This day in particular you had gotten bruised up, I was able to patch you up a little. Not only that but we finally broke the ice, I was finally able to hold a full conversation with you. I felt like I got closer to you that day. We even swapped lunches just in time for someone to snap a photo for the yearbook…" I finished with a small chuckle. I didn't dare tell him the other reason why I kept it. Later that same day one of the staff members commented on how cute we looked together… Needless to say I immediately asked for a copy of the photo. Afterwards the photo became more of a reminder of my faults. The fact that I caused so much harm to a person to the point of them just wanting to end it all…
"I was proud of the fact I finally had someone to talk to… I miss the person I was then…"
As if he knew what I was feeling he tossed a berry my way… only for it to thunk off my face. "Sorry… just didn't want you to zone out…" he apologized sheepishly, causing me to laugh just at the absurdity.
…
"Y'know I've been meaning to ask why a Jolteon? You're against the idea of fighting. Why pick a form that's primarily intended for battle?"
"I- ah- didn't really have a choice in that matter, I would've picked a fire stone then to keep myself warm at night or not evolve at all. But to make it short, one of your old friends found out where I worked and chased after me. I managed to lose them in a dark cave but I wasn't able to see, resulting in me to quite literally fall on the lightning stone by accident. I got out without anyone recognizing me but even with the new look I ended up looking for another job" He explained sheepishly with a smile. I frowned, feeling guilty again, he was just a kid he should've been enjoying his time off… everything I had done to this guy is so unforgivable yet he's still talking to me so casually.
"I-I had no idea… I'm sorry, something like that is supposed to be special not by a fluke…"
"Even if this isn't what I wanted I think it suits me…" he replies sporting a grin that made my face feel warm. I couldn't help but smile at his insight on his situation.
Spike POV
It felt okay talking to her oddly enough, I don't know why but it felt like I was talking to someone else entirely. But of course with me being me I had no idea how to keep a conversation alive. Hours of silence passed as I just kept a watchful eye over Shade slowly noticing how tired she really was. She'd occasionally shake her head lightly to stay awake causing me to exhale in slight annoyance as I walked up to her. "You should rest." I stated as a matter of fact.
"I'm not tired." She murmured as if she was fighting the urge to yawn.
"Bull"
"Stop lying to yourself… if it's because of me I can stay outside if you'd like"
"No! I-its not that… I slept enough already…"
"Shade you were just unconscious, you literally went days on end without food, straining your body is just going to worsen your condition!" I nagged as if I was a concerned parent. But she wasn't listening she frowned instead only to look away from me.
…
My concern started to rise as I saw her practically trebling.
"Shade please-"
"I DON'T WANT TO!" She cried out as if she was petrified. She was shivering with tears streaming down her cheek causing me to sit by her side almost instinctively. "What's wrong?" I asked tentatively. She didn't respond at first but seeing that I wasn't going to let up she finally replied. "You promise you're not going to laugh?" She asked slightly embarrassed despite her clear fear earlier.
"Of course not"
"I-I'm scared, terrified even. I was asleep for all that time and didn't even know if I'd wake up… I don't want to relive that again, so please don't make me…" she whimpered faintly. I didn't respond, instead I just hugged her tightly, a wave of pity washed over me. I had never seen her like this, she was always so confident, so sure of herself, yet here she was broken and crying on me "arceus look at me I',m so weak…" she hiccuped.
"I know you're afraid but you have to sleep… Believe it or not I'm worried about you." As soon as I said those last words more tears streamed down her face as she hugged me tightly catching me off guard. "I-I'll be here to wake you up, just please don't cry" I tried to console her. "Promise?" She sputtered while squeezing me tightly.
"I promise… and another thing you aren't weak hell you're one of the toughest ones I know" I replied ignoring the fact she was practically squeezing the air out of me.
She held onto me tightly for a short while as an awkward silence passed. It was an innocent hug so innocent I felt like I could fight death itself to protect it. Slowly but surely her eyes grew heavier as her grip weakened slightly. I would have been worried if it weren't for her snoring indicating that she was out cold. I gently laid her on her side before picking up the mess I had made trying to revive her. It was still daytime, the sun was shining brightly as I sat alone with my thoughts.
"I'm in love with Dawn… Arceus… am I really ready for that?" I whispered to myself while looking at the ceiling of the den. I was concerned, not of my feelings but what they meant and what they would lead to. So many what ifs were coursing through my mind. How intimate the relationship would be going forward, would we actually want to stay in this region, If I could actually keep her happy. After all I can be such a screw up at times, and I'd never forgive myself if I end up hurting Dawn.
I stared at the wall while my face heated up as I thought of her practically scared of my own feelings. Despite the fact that this was the main reason why Dawn and I were seeing each other to begin with I felt afraid. Afraid of her getting too close, afraid of screwing up, afraid of losing her. She's my only friend if I screw things up and this relationship somehow goes south… Arceus…
I slumped down and just thought about Dawn. All of the fears I had slowly started to fade, I hope she's doing alright.
To be continued
Il try to be on top of this story more but I just got back into college and been taking extra classes to make up for lost time during the pandemic. As for my other stories its kind up in the air if they'll be updated since this story is the only one that had a planned ending since the beginning.
-The ultimate spiderman
