Lara Jean was standing outside of her apartment gripping Peter's wallet that had fallen beneath her driver's seat. He would be there any minute and her mind was spinning. "One minute you're over Peter, the next, you act like you own him. Be honest with yourself." Jeanette's words kept repeating. Though she didn't like the way it was delivered, the message was clear. Lara Jean needed to take a step back and figure out what she wanted. She hadn't been being honest with herself. She had been so caught up in trying to convince everyone that she was over Peter, but really she was trying to convince herself. She groaned frustrated with her own behavior.
A few light taps of a car horn interrupted her out of control thought train. Jeremy pulled up and Peter hopped out of the car and jogged across the street to meet with Lara Jean.
"You are a goddess, Lara Jean. I'm always losing my wallet." She gave him a small smile and silently passed him his wallet. Peter, sensing the tension, scratched the back of his head. "So ahh, I guess I'll see you soon? Maybe we can grab lunch or something?"
Lara Jean nodded, "Sure. sounds good."
Peter smiled and turned to leave.
"Actually, no." Lara Jean blurted out causing Peter to trip on the curb as he tried to come back towards her. He opened his mouth to speak but Lara Jean continued. "Peter, I don't think I can keep doing this." She was looking at the ground, "No," She looked into his eyes, "I know I can't keep doing this to myself."
"Lara Jean… what are you talking about?" Peter said slowly glancing back at Jeremy who had his driver window open and was now fully tuned into their conversation. Peter stepped closer to her and slightly lowered his voice. "Is this about me leaving the wallet? Because that was an accident."
She shook her head, "No, this is about me and you and this game we are playing."
"Game? What game?"
"I don't think we should hang out anymore. It's not good for me."
"Lara Jean, I don't know where this is coming from, but can we maybe talk in private?" Peter reached out, but Lara Jean stepped back and continued to speak.
"I was kidding myself when I said we could be friends. I tried to convince myself that I was over you and that this can work, but it can't. I'm not over us."
Peter felt a small flip in his stomach, "Lara Jean, you have no idea how much I still care about you. I've never gotten over us, I've never just wanted to be your friend. Seeing you in that cafe…was the best thing that's happened to me in a long time."
"Peter…" Lara Jean tried to interject.
"I know, you've got Landon and I know we have got a lot of catching up to do on missed time, but I wanna try again."
"Peter, you're not understanding me." she paused. "It's true, I'm not over us, but more than that I'm not over how you hurt me."
"Lara Jean… I was a fool. A fucking idiot. I know that, and I am so,so sorry. We never got to really talk about everything."
Lara Jean shook her head quickly and crossed her arms, "And I don't want to. I want to close this chapter. I just argued with Jeanette about you and we're not even together! Being around you again, it's messed everything up and I'm done."
Peter's eyes glossed over and he clenched his jaw. Taking a step back he said, "Well sorry, I'm always ruining things for you Lara Jean. I'll stay out of your life." He turned quickly and got back into the car with Jeremy. Before Jeremy could say anything, "Dude, just drive, ok?"
As the car drove away Lara Jean let out a breathy gasp, which triggered tears to flow down her cheeks. She made her way back into her apartment and found Jeanette in the kitchen washing her dishes in the sink, "Look LJ, I don't like when we fight and I know I was wrong, but please just don't hate me ok?" Jeanette turned to see Lara Jean standing in the entryway arms gripping herself as if she would fall apart if she let go. "LJ?"
"You were right." Lara Jean whispered. "Who was I kidding? I am so sorry for the things I said to you." She finally made eye contact with Jeanette who immediately came over to hug her.
"Oh babe, what happened?"
They moved to the couch as Lara Jean tearfully explained the interaction that had just taken place.
"You did the right thing for you, LJ. That's all that matters."
"I know. I know it was the right thing to do. But why does it hurt so much?"
A week later
Lara Jean silently restocked the display case of cupcakes while Sugar worked on their chalkboard sign they kept in the window. It was a slow day and Lara Jean welcomed the peace. Sugar had noticed Lara Jean's demeanor earlier in the week and had pulled teeth to know what had been going on. On this day she decided to push a little more.
"Have you at least talked to your new boo thang? Larry?" Sugar said, dusting the chalk from her hands.
Lara Jean smiled softly, "Landon, and no I've kind of been avoiding him."
"How? Don't work with him?"
Lara Jean sighed, "Yeah, I told my boss I haven't been feeling well and asked to work from home. Don't give me that look!" Lara Jean had met eyes with Sugar who had a hand on her hip and a raised brow.
"You're avoiding work because of a man, Lara Jean? I thought you liked him?"
"I did. I do. It's just, maybe I'm not as ready as I thought I was to start something new. I mean this whole thing is really embarrassing. I'm a grown woman who used their co-worker for a fake relationship to make my ex jealous. Pathetic."
"Well, Lance went along with it right? So he clearly doesn't care nor does he think you're pathetic."
"Landon. I know you're right, but I just haven't been able to face him. I don't even know what I want from him anymore."
"And what are you gonna do about that, girlie?" Sugar said, returning behind the counter.
Lara Jean let out a deep sigh and said, "Right now, I'm gonna finish frosting those cupcakes for the catering order. Holler if you need me up front."
Before resuming the cupcake decorating, Lara Jean checked her phone to see another text from Landon and nothing from Peter. She could only admit to herself that after their emotional unfriending that she expected him to reach out to her. To say…anything, but he had been radio silent and she could no longer find him on social media. Of course he blocked me, she thought. It's what I wanted.
She peered at the most recent text from Landon.
Landon: I know you said you're sick and I'm trying really hard not to overthink things, but did I do something wrong?
Her stomach clenched. All week he had been sending her well wishes and offering to bring her medicine. He had even sent over a postmates care package with soup and other essentials. Aside from a "thank you for the delivery.", she had been unresponsive. It wasn't fair, because Landon hadn't done anything wrong, he had actually been perfect. It was Lara Jean who was causing all these problems for herself.
She began typing on her phone, "we need to talk…", but quickly deleted the dramatic message, because she wasn't ready to talk to him yet. So she sent something else.
Lara Jean: No! Of course, not! I just turn into a bit of a hermit when I'm sick. I'm sorry.
Before she could put her phone down she saw typing bubbles appear.
Landon: Oh, please don't be sorry. :) I was just a little worried, but I get it. Maybe we can get together again once you're better?
Lara Jean: I'd like that.
Lara Jean quickly put her phone away and went to the sink to wash her hands, before putting on gloves. She would have to talk to him eventually and even though she wasn't ready, he wasn't a guy that deserved to be left on read. She spent the rest of the evening decorating, which allowed her mind to relax even for just a couple hours. She also took the opportunity to try out a new mint chocolate cookie recipe.
"These are divine, Lara Jean" Sugar said, closing her eyes to savor the last bite. "We've gotta get these out next week. They're gonna be a hit for the Christmas season."
"I'm glad you like them. I'll work on some batches on Monday." Lara Jean said packing her things to go. "Are you sure you don't need help closing tonight?"
"No it's fine…and not to be rude, but you've kinda been a drag lately. Go home, reset, recharge, before you start scaring away all the customers."
"I'm sorry I haven't been myself."
"You're always yourself. This is just the sad part of you and, all jokes aside, I just want you to take care of yourself. Take some time off this weekend, I'll see you next week. Don't argue. Now, go, get out." Sugar waved her towards the door. Lara Jean was too tired to argue so she nodded and made her way home.
When she arrived home, she was surprised to see Landon in front of her apartment building blowing warm air into gloved hands. When he saw her, he gave her a crooked smile.
"Before you say anything, I know this is weird for me to just show up like this. I tried to call first, but I just had to see you. Jeanette said you'd be home soon from the bakery so I figured I'd wait out here."
Lara Jean immediately blushed realizing she had been caught lying about being sick. "Landon, I'm sorry I haven't been responding and I said I was sick. I just, I don't know, I've been working through some things."
"Hey, I'm not here to judge, I just…are we cool?" She was quiet for a moment and he continued, "If you're avoiding me because of your ex or whatever, I can take it you know?"
She stepped forward and shook her head, "No it's not about Peter, well it kind of is, but-" She watched his face contort in confusion, so she took a deep breath. "Peter is out of my life for good and it was my decision." Landon nodded for her to continue. "I…I like you Landon, I really do, I just feel like if I'm being honest, I'm just now grieving my old relationship. It meant a lot more to me than I let on and I'm sorry for not being upfront. I've already put you in a complicated situation and I don't wanna drag you through another rollercoaster." She looked down at her feet before she felt him grab her hand.
"Listen, LJ. I'm a grown man, you can't drag me into anything I don't want to be in." He tucked a finger under her chin to meet her eyes. "I really like you too Lara Jean and I understand you have history, but you can't get rid of me that easily." Lara Jean smiled slightly and he continued, "I'm not crazy. I could tell you had something deep with the guy, but I guess I hoped you'd give me a chance and see that I can give you something deeper."
Lara Jean swallowed, "I don't know what to say."
"You don't have to say anything, but don't push me away, deal?"
Lara Jean nodded and looked towards her apartment, "Well the least I could do is invite you in. It's freezing out here."
"I'd like that."
"Me too."
