Krieg was snoring in his bunk in Sanctuary, sleeping off a long day of farming raid bosses, and as he grumbled and turned in his cot, Krieg was undergoing a strangely vivid dream:
Krieg saw from the perspective of a man in a sharp purple suit, flanked by Pierce, Shaundi, and Johnny Gat, who were currently standing in an airfield, watching as a black private jet with a red star insignia landed, an elderly man with a thick Belgian accent flanked by two young women emerging from it. "Ah, you must be ze Saints." said the Belgian man. "I am Phillipe Loren, head of ze Morningstar Syndicate. Come, we have much to discuss..." The man in the sharp purple suit looked back to Pierce and Shaundi as he and Gat began boarding the plane when-
Suddenly, Krieg's dream was interrupted by ethereal noise and stuff in the room shaking violently as his bed fell through a portal just in time for a tired Axton to see. "Ah goddamnit, not again." muttered Axton, who was clearly too tired to deal with this shit at the moment. Krieg clung to his bed screaming as he fell into the office of the I.M.P. "GAAAGH!!! WHO'S THE MANGY MINCEMEAT WHO DISTURBED MY SLAUGHTER SLUMBER!?" shouted Krieg as he leapt from the mattress, the four barrels of his Carnage shotgun pointed at a very startled Blitzo. "Woah shit! Easy there, its just me!" Krieg looked around to see he was at Blitzo's office in Hell. "Hey, Krieg! Sorry to scare ya, but see, I've got a client who specifically requested you come along on this job, said it was important." explained Blitzo, sipping from a mug with Boss Bitch emblazoned on it. "It better have been important enough for you to wake me up this fucking early..." growled a very tired Loona, sipping from another coffee mug. "WHO IN THE WOOLY WILSONS DEMANDED THE SPECIAL GUEST APPEARANCE OF THE SICKLY SEVERE PSYCHO-MAN!?" asked Krieg. "Well, funnily enough, it wasn't anyone from down here, but some human called Johnny Gat." answered Blitzo. Krieg remembered Johnny Gat. He was the leader of the 3rd Street Saints, a gang-turned-criminal-empire based in Steelport, whom Krieg had met some months ago. But why did Gat specifically request him to tag along with the I.M.P. for this job?
Meanwhile, elsewhere in Imp City, Moxxie and Millie were at Hothead Coffee, ordering well, coffee. "... and I'll have a Neapolitan Cappuccino, more captain than chino, no more than 4 ounces of milk otherwise the beans won't have the right texture, oh, and make sure to spell my name correctly. Most places put down 'Roxxy' or 'Foxxy', I hate it when they do that." The demon at the counter gave Moxxie a confused look. "Uhhh, what? Sir, I don't even know if we even serve most of what you just said. What the fuck is 'more captain than chino' supposed to mean? And also why do you care about the beans' texture!? We grind them into the coffee, they all got the same texture: LIQUID." "I thought you were supposed to be one of the highest-quality coffee shops in the ring!" retorted Moxxie. "Yeah, but last I checked we ain't got nothing like what just came out your mouth. Why don't you just order some normal coffee like your wife?" Before Moxxie or Millie could respond, a van came smashing through the wall, running over the unfortunate employee and scaring the crap out of Moxxie. "Gah! Sir!? What are you doing here!?" asked Moxxie, having leapt into Millie's arms. "Morning, Mox! Sorry about the mess, but we got ourselves a new client, and he's paying us a shitload of cash!" "SALUTATIONS, SICKENING SWEETHEART SKAGLICKS!" shouted Krieg, leaning forth from the back of the van. "Hiya, Krieg! It's been a while!" said Millie, cheerfully waving at Krieg as she and Moxxie climbed into Blitzo's van. Once everyone was inside, Blitzo reversed out of the hold he'd made in Hothead Coffee, leaving behind rubble and a mangled employee.
BURNS HILLS NUCLEAR REACTORS, STEELPORT:
Johnny Gat stood alongside various other Saints in the parking lot outside the nuclear plant, Johnny pacing around his car to the concern of Pierce and Shaundi. "... any minute now..." muttered Johnny impatiently. "The hell are you waiting for, Johnny?" asked Pierce. "Kinzie's already got most of the entrance's security measures down, we can just bust in there and take out Miller!" "He's hired those I.M.P. guys." explained Shaundi, rolling her eyes. "He's still convinced that the Boss is still alive and that that Krieg dude's got some sorta connection to him." "Well, hey, maybe he's right. I mean, the Boss was one of the toughest sons-a'-bitches alive back then." retorted Pierce. "Yeah, back then. The Boss's been gone for almost 12 years now. He's probably dead. I just wish Johnny'd get that through his friggin' adamantium skull."
At that point, a portal opened up, from which emerged Krieg and the I.M.P. "Alrighty, Mr. Gat, we're here, and with Krieg as requested." said Blitzo, as Moxxie struggled to carry numerous duffle bags full of guns. "Well, about time ya showed up." said Johnny, holding a machine gun over his shoulder. "Yo! Kinzie! Run 'em through the plan while the others gear up." Kinzie, the ginger-haired hacker pulled up a holographic display of the reactors' layout. "Ok, listen up. We're here to take out the Deckers' leader Matt Miller, this douchebag right here..." explained Kinzie as an icon appeared on the hologram, showing a portrait of a young man with slick, droopy black hair and cyan lipstick, wearing a cyberpunk-style outfit with a leather jacket covered in glowing neon lines and adorned in the back with the Deckers' logo: a blue skull with a star in its right eye socket. "Now, Matt's gonna have a shitload of security. The plant's absolutely crawling with Deckers." Kinzie's hologram became dotted with markers indicating the locations of Decker thugs in the area. "And they're not just rifle-carrying goons. I'm talking grenadiers, snipers, big freakin' machine guns, and schoolgirl-looking specialists wielding electric pulse hammers." "... hammer-carrying schoolgirls!?" uttered Moxxie, confused as to what he'd just heard. "Heh, nothing we couldn't handle, Mox!" said Millie, cheerfully brandishing her chainsword. "Despite all this, killing Matt should be easy enough, as I've got this EMP device for the occasion." explained Kinzie as she briefly pulled out said EMP before handing it to Pierce. "The EMP should be able to disable most of the entrances' security." Arrows representing different routes began flowing through Kinzie's hologram. "We'll split up into 3 groups and make our way in through 3 different entrances. Now, if my intel is correct, and it usually is, Matt should be in this cooling tower. So, we make our way to the tower, enter our positions, and-" Suddenly, another arrow, labeled 'KRIEG' appeared on the hologram, going up the tower and jumping into it, landing on Matt Miller's position. "Wait, what? I don't remember putting this in..." said Kinzie, confused as to what she was seeing. "Oh yeah, that was me." said Gat. "I was thinkin' that the rest of us act as some sorta distraction, while Krieg makes his way up the cooling tower n' jumps from the top and slashes Miller in half with that axe of his." Kinzie's brow furrowed. "Johnny, you do realize we're trying to do this covertly, right?" asked Kinzie. "Yeah, because killin' Killbane at WrestleMania with a damn chainsaw is covert." retorted Johnny. "That was only because that was the best opportunity we had to take down Killbane! This however, is just a meeting Miller's having with his lieutenants, meaning we can easily sneak in without any need for chainsaws or fireworks! I have no idea when we'll have another opportunity to take Matt down, so I don't want us fucking this up!" shouted Kinzie at Johnny. "Well, look, it's still all covert n' shit. The rest of us sneak in according to your plan, while Krieg just gets to the top of the cooling tower they're holdin' the meeting in. Either Krieg sticks the landing and turns Miller into deli meat, or we just shoot him if Krieg misses." Kinzie sighed after a minute or so of contemplation. "Alright, fine. But if this ends up going sideways, I'm blaming you, Johnny." The Saints and I.M.P. split into 3 groups: Johnny, Shaundi, and Blitzo would sneak through the left, Pierce, Moxxie, and Loona would go through the left, and Kenny, Millie, and Oleg would provide a distraction at the main entrance so as to allow Krieg to start making his way up the cooling tower, while Kinzie stayed behind with the others to provide surveillance.
Shaundi couldn't help but be a bit irritated, annoyedly clicking her tongue as she, Johnny, and Blitzo snuck their way through the plant to the tower where Miller supposedly was. "Hey, dreadlock lady, something wrong?" asked Blitzo as they used Oleg and Millie's distraction as an opportunity to sprint over near the tower's entrance. "Nothing, l-let's just keep moving." Blitzo could clearly tell that there was something eating at Shaundi. "That look on your face and that annoying tongue-clicking say otherwise." Caving, Shaundi sighed and looked to Blitzo. "Alright, fine, it's just that ever since that time we fought that giant Norse snake on the beach, Gat here has been obsessing over Krieg possibly being our old boss who disappeared a long-ass time ago and-" Johnny attempted to interject. "Look, I just figured-" "Figured WHAT!?" yelled Shaundi, interrupting Johnny. "Well, the Boss was a big fuckin' dude, was a monster in battle, could rip dudes in half with his bare hands, y'know?" "Well all that describes Oleg too! Does that mean HE could be the Boss too?" sarcastically asked Shaundi in a mocking tone. The two continued to argue back and forth until eventually Blitzo grew a little sick of hearing it. Will you two twat-muffins shut the hell up!?" shouted Blitzo, which proved to be a mistake as it alerted numerous Deckers around the corner. "Welp, time to get our hands dirty." remarked Johnny as the group loaded their weapons. "This discussion isn't over, Johnny." said Shaundi gruffly as she opened fire.
Pierce, making sure nobody was looking, made his way over to a Deckers security panel. "Aight, Kinzie, we're here, now what?" asked Pierce over comms. "You've got the EMP?" "Sure do." answered Pierce. "Great, now just hook it up to the panel and press the blue button." Pierce managed to do just that, putting the EMP in place and pressing the blue button. "Impressive. Figured you would've wound up pressing the red one." snarked Kinzie. "Look, just because I can't reprogram entire missile systems don't mean I can't operate technology." Now waiting for the device to charge up, Pierce leaned against the wall, looking right to see Moxxie similarly leaning against the wall. "Sooo..." said Pierce, attempting to do some small talk. "That your wife back there fuckin' up Deckers with Oleg and Kenny?" "Hmm?" muttered Moxxie, turning to face Pierce. "Oh yeah, that's Millie. She's great, isn't she?" "Well, the way she's keeping up with Oleg in terms of body count, I'd say she is. You two do stuff like this often?" "Well, considering it's our job, I'd say yes, we do this sort of thing a lot." Just then, a group of Deckers not getting massacred noticed Pierce, Moxxie, and Loona. "Oi, the fuck're you doing here!?" One of them was dressed in attire akin to a stereotypical Japanese schoolgirl and pulled out a large hammer arcing with energy. "Shit, Kinzie was NOT kidding about the electro-hammer schoolgirls!" yelled Pierce as he, Moxxie and Loona pulled out their weapons and prepared for a fight.
Before that could happen, a truck suddenly came flying in and slammed into the approaching Deckers, followed by Oleg, Kenny, and Millie running in and finishing off any the truck didn't kill. "You OK, sweetie?" asked Millie as she ran over to check on her husband, blood dripping from her chainsword. "I'm fine, but thanks, honey." replied Moxxie, smiling in relief. "Seems like we were in nick of time." remarked Oleg, dusting his oversized suit off. "No kidding. I wasn't super eager to see what that bitch's hammer could do." said Pierce as he put his gun back into his suit pocket. "You owe us one, just so ya know." said Kenny, lightly slugging Pierce on the shoulder. Rubbing his shoulder, Pierce looked over to see there was approximately 1 minute remaining on the EMP's arm timer. "Yo, Kinzie! Got a minute left 'til that EMP goes off." reported Pierce over comms. "Alright, you guys meet with Gat and his team near the tower entrance. Gat, status?" asked Kinzie, switching over to Johnny's channel to hear Shaundi shouting. "-IF YOU'D STOP BLAMING YOURSELF FOR WHAT HAPPENED TO THE BOSS FOR FIVE GODDAMN MINUTES, MAYBE YOU'D-!!" "Woah, woah! What's going on, guys?" asked Kinzie, concerned. "Eh, they're arguing about Gat thinking that Krieg's their old boss who supposedly disappeared and/or died a buncha years ago." answered Blitzo, clearly annoyed by Gat and Shaundi's incessant arguing.
Everyone was now outside the entrance to the cooling tower, 30 seconds to EMP activation. "Alright, now that Gat and Shaundi aren't at each other's throats, be ready to hurry inside once the EMP goes off, because if I know Matt Miller, he'll have the power back on shortly after, so don't waste a second." Instructed Kinzie over comms. "Alright, we read ya. Krieg, you in position?" asked Gat, switching channels to Krieg's comms. Krieg sat atop the edge of the cooling tower's top, looking down to see a room full of Deckers, and in the center was their target: Matt Miller. "MY CHICKEN STICKS ARE PREPARED TO PUNCTURE THE FLOORBOARDS!" "...I'll take that as a yes." shrugged Gat.
3...
2...
1...
With a loud reverberation, the EMP detonated, shorting out Burns Hills' power. "Alright, everybody get your asses inside!" shouted Gat as he kicked open the doors, allowing the Saints and I.M.P. to hurry inside, taking advantage of what little time they had before the Deckers got the power back up and running. Meanwhile, Matt Miller was shouting at his lackeys to restore said power. "'Hey, is the bloody power back on? I swear, if I find the idiot who let that happen, I'll- WHAT THE-!?" To say Matt Miller was shocked to see several Saints with guns pointed at him and his goon would be the understatement of the century. "Surprise, motherfucker!" yelled Pierce as the Saints proceeded to open fire, bullets flyin' and people dyin' as even more Decker grunts poured into the room to return fire. "YO! KRIEG! YA HEAR ME!?" shouted Gat into the comms channel. Krieg was still sat atop the top of the cooling tower, carving tic-tac-toe into his arm out of boredom when Gat's shouting voice blared out. "KRIEG, WE'RE INSIDE! You see Miller!?" Krieg looked down to see Matt Miller doing a weird amount of just standing around for someone in the midst of a gunfight.
Adrenaline rushed through Krieg's veins as he saw the Deckers' leader, leaping from the top of the cooling tower, falling towards Miller with murderous intent. "GAHAHAHAAAAA!!! I'LL PAINT THE AIR WITH YOUR NEON BLOOOOOOOOD!!!" shrieked Krieg as he hurtled towards Miller, buzz-axe in hand. He swung the axe down onto Miller, doing a rockstar-slide on his knees as he landed, only to notice there was no blood on his axe. "WHAT!?" exclaimed Krieg as he turned to see Matt Miller standing there, very much not violently sawn in half. Growling, Krieg swung at Miller a few more times, only to see that his axe was just harmlessly phasing through Miller's body, causing weird glitchy digital effects as he did so. "Ha! Did you arseholes really think I'd just let myself open to assassination? Hell, I saw Kinzie's little EMP coming from a mile away! I'm not even sure why Loren sees you blokes as a threat. Now if you excuse me, I've got more important places to be." proclaimed Miller smugly as his hologram vanished, leaving Krieg and company quite befuddled. "Kinzie, the fuck just happened!?" shouted Gat as he gunned down a few more Deckers, punching one in the face so hard it snapped their neck. "Miller's got to be on the premises if he was operating that hologram..." said Kinzie, looking over a real-time digital map of Burns Hill, only for her expression to grow grim as she saw something REAL bad. "Shit, guys, get out of the buildings! It's a trap! You got F-69 VTOLs coming in to carpet-bomb the place!" "Fighter jets!? How do these geeks have friggin' fighter jets!?" yelled Millie as she yanked her chainsword out of a pile of freshly murdered Deckers she shish-kebab'd. Pierce ducked out from cover to lob a grenade at the encroaching crowd of Deckers. "These guys are part of some big conglomerate of gangs called the Morningstar! Bitches got all kinds of resources and connections! Pretty bullshit if we're being honest-!" said Pierce as he pulled the pin and threw the grenade, ducking back behind cover to see Krieg maniacally cackling as he painted the room with the gore and viscera of the Decker grunts surrounding him. "RAAAAAAAUUUUGGH!!! THIS PUTRID PATRIOT POWER POTHOLE IS A CANVAS-" Krieg snarled as he grabbed a Decker by the leg and began slamming them repeatedly against the ground, smearing it with blood. "-AND YOU'RE THE BASTARD BRUSH!!!" "Yo, Krieg! Love the artistic expression, but we gotta GTFO!" shouted Pierce, motioning for everyone to follow him out of the cooling tower before the whole property was cleared off the face of the planet.
The group fought their way out of the plant, splitting skulls and snapping necks, getting out of the entrance just in time to see Matt Miller boarding a helicopter. "Oh no you don't! Gimme that!" shouted Kinzie, now with the group in person, grabbing a rifle out of Shaundi's hands and aiming at Miller, only for something to block the shot as she pulled the trigger. The group all looked up to see that something was in fact a large mech-suit, a Decker piloting it. "What do ya think, Kenzington?" asked Miller mockingly as his helicopter began to take off. "You Saints might have guns, expendable amounts of people, and connections to demons and mentally-impaired brutes, but all I need is a good damned head on my shoulders!" laughed Miller as he tauntingly tapped his temple. "Anyway have fun with my new toy here! Ciao, wankers!" And with that, Miller's helicopter flew off, leaving our heroes up against a cutting-edge mecha. "
Kinzie, you didn't mention anything about no goddamn robot suits!" shouted Gat, urgently loading his guns. "I didn't think we'd end up in a situation where we'd be up against them!" retorted Kinzie as she leapt out of the way of the mech's gunfire. A deafening hail of bullets rained from the Decker mech's weapons, forcing our heroes into cover lest they be shredded into bloody pulled pork. "I THOUGHT THIS WAS JUST GONNA BE A SIMPLE ASSASSINATION JOOOOOB!" wailed Moxxie, who was beginning to break down in tears as Millie attempted to comfort him despite the aforementioned hail of bullets. "Just what the hell is this thing made of!?" shouted Gat over the commotion as he attempted to damage the mech, but no caliber of ammunition or grade of explosives seemed capable of even denting the mecha's armor. "Y'know... most robot suits like that are all tough n' shit..." said Millie, narrowing her eyes to the mech's cockpit. "...but there's usually a soft, fleshy, pilot in the center! Gimme an opening and I'll if I can't take that sumbitch out!" Gat nodded. "You heard the woman! Get the driver's attention! Spread out!" The various riffraff comprising our protagonists proceeded to scatter around the area, taking potshots at the mech and distracting the pilot long enough for him to not notice Millie scurrying up the mech's leg and towards the cockpit, along with Krieg also climbing up the mech's back and thrashing at any remotely vulnerable bits, as this was a giant goddamn mech suit and by God, Krieg was going to fight it. The mech had countermeasures installed that would violently electrocute anyone who tried to get at whatever wasn't covered by the near-impenetrable armoring, but joke's on whoever designed that, Krieg was into that shit. "OHOHOHOOOO! T-T-T-TINGLLLYYYYY!!!!" laughed Krieg as he continued ripping into the mech's inner workings, electricity futilely arcing through his body.
The Decker mech pilot furrowed his brow in growing frustration as he tried to maneuver the machine to where he could land a reliable hit on the Saints, but his view was growing increasingly obscured by rapidly appearing error messages on the mech's HUD, likely from Krieg tearing into it as mentioned above. "Dammit! Get outta my face!" grunted the pilot as he swiped the warnings away. "Quit hiding, you little bitches! You're only delaying your agonizing deaths!" He shouted as he continued firing the mech's machine guns, only to feel a tap on his shoulder. "WHA-!?" exclaimed the pilot, looking behind him to see a tiny red woman with horns and a gap in her teeth. "Hiya!" said Millie with mock-affability as she proceeded to bury a pair of serrated daggers into the pilot's eyes. The pilot howled in horrific pain as he waved the controls around recklessly, causing the mech to begin uncontrollably spinning. "DAMN THE SPIN CYCLE! YOU CAN'T MACHINE-WASH BLOODSTAINS!!" shouted Krieg as he attempted to cling to the part of the mech he was previously ripping apart, only to eventually be flung off, nearly landing on Loona as he hit the ground. "AAAAAAAaaaaaaAAAAAAaaaaAAAAAAA-!!!" was the sound continuously screaming from the pilot's mouth due to the simultaneous agony of having just had your eyes stabbed out and currently spinning at ridiculous speeds. Millie found herself stuck to the wall of the cockpit due to the force of the spinning, and she wasn't really enjoying either. "Urrrgh, this goes on any longer I'm gonna fuckin'-" grunted Millie as she resisted the urge to vomit and mustered her strength to begin forcing herself through the gravitational forces and eventually make it to the chair where the pilot was sitting, still screaming. Millie grunted harder as she reached for one of the daggers in the pilot's eye sockets and pulled it out, using it to slit the pilot's throat, causing him to let go of the controls and stop the mech's spinning, with the added benefit of putting an end to that annoying screaming. However, the mech still had plenty momentum left from all that spinning, causing it to begin stumbling and eventually lean over, ready to fall onto Johnny Gat and company. Having recovered from getting launched like a foxtail, Krieg rushed forth and caught the mech's massive metal chassis as it nearly crushed the Saints, the other imps, and Loona. Grunting intensely, then with a rigorous yell, Krieg gave the mech a mighty shove, causing it to instead fall in the opposite direction, where a random Decker had chosen a ridiculously bad time to exit the restroom. "Sorry mates, that Cluckin' Bell wrecked my insides like-" The Decker looked up to see the wrecked mech about to come crashing down unto him. "-shit..." With a loud impact, the mech hit the ground, causing it to briefly shake.
The group approached the fallen mech as the dust settled, Moxxie frantically rummaging through the wreckage looking for Millie. "Millie!? Millie, honey, are you-!?" He suddenly felt something touch his shoulder. "-AUGH!!" screamed Moxxie as jumped a solid foot into the air before pulling his gun on whatever had tapped his shoulder. "Satan's Balls! It's just me, Mox!" exclaimed Millie as Moxxie sighed heavily in relief, putting his gun away. "Oh, kick-fucking-ASS! That was awesome!" cheered Pierce, taking a photo of the wrecked mech. Kinzie, meanwhile, was fuming, due to Matt Miller not currently bleeding out on the ground. "Ahem...? Aren't you all forgetting that we happened to fail at the one thing we came here for?" "Look, Kinzie, there's Decker and Syndicate strongholds all over Steelport, we'll find Miller-" said Johnny, attempting to reassure Kinzie. "Oh you really think we can just find Miller?" sarcastically asked Kinzie, laughing a bit. "Now that he knows we're after him, he's going to make himself goddamn IMPOSSIBLE to find! You have any idea of the level of shit people like Miller can pull off with technology!? He's probably already erased any and all records and information on himself that exists online!" with that, Kinzie stormed off to one of the cars the Saints had pulled up to Burns Hill with, stepping into the backseat and slamming the door. "...What's her problem?" asked Millie, confused by what had just went down. "Eh, it's a whole thing. Kinzie and Miller both used to work for a cybersecurity agency only for Miller to turn out to be a mole for a criminal organization called The Syndicate. Miller leaked some critical information, and before Kinzie knew it, the whole agency collapsed. Ever since we first recruited her to the Saints, she's been obsessin' over getting revenge." explained Johnny with a twinge of concern in his voice. "I mean, if I was loyal to some elite organization n' one of my friends betrayed it, I'd be pissed too!" replied Millie. "I'd probably do the same too. In fact, I have done the same before, but now ain't the time to discuss that." Johnny turned to Pierce, Oleg, and Kenny, who were inspecting the destroyed mech. "Pierce, call up some 'copters to haul this thing outta here, bet some of our other tech-geeks'll wanna have a look at it." "You got it, Gat." Silence briefly took hold as Kenny dialed up some other Saints to haul the mech's remains away for inspection, before eventually Pierce spoke up. "So...Freckle Bitch's, anyone?"
