Amelia was petrified.
She liked to believe she had every reason to be, today was Helga's first day back at school since October 8th. It had been over a month, and in that month the girl hadn't left the house. Helga had regained her a lot of her strength, and thanks to her stitches healing — as well as her medication — using the bathroom wasn't as much of a hassle as it used to be. However, she was still underweight and struggled with eating or intense movement, not only that but her anxiety hadn't improved much since the incident. Amelia wasn't sure if the girl was ready to go back, but she had insisted on it. Helga was beginning to really miss school, as well as talking to her friends, so after some convincing, Amelia allowed her to start going.
It was going to be a steady reintroduction to the school environment, Helga was given permission to arrive at school later and leave earlier as to avoid her getting stuck in large crowds of students, this was to avoid triggering her anxiety, she was allowed to not take part in classes such as gym, the locker room experience was not something she was yet comfortable with, and she didn't have the physical strength to begin doing sports and the like as she used to. They had recommended having a counsellor stay with Helga, but Amelia knew that even in he traumatized state, the girl wouldn't want some grown up watching her every move in an attempt to 'look after her'. She had also been given two passes, a bathroom pass and an outside pass, both allowing her to leave the classroom if needed.
Amelia had tried her best to make sure everything was sorted for her, the faculty that worked closest with Helga were informed of ways to go about managing their lessons to best accommodate her, since Helga would be entering their classes later, they were told to let their students know in advance, and most importantly tell them not to stare at her when she does come in; they were informed of the medical and psychological issues she had since developed since the incident, how she would likely take multiple bathroom breaks throughout each lesson, or how loud noises or distressing topics may trigger a panic attack. Her male teachers especially were warned against being to imposing on her, this included yelling at her, being too stern and even standing over.
The woman had done a lot of shopping in advance, buying her new clothes and stationary, as well as foods to help pack her a large enough lunch. She didn't want Helga going back to school as if she were still living with the Patakis, she wanted it to be different, better. It wasn't perfect, and she knew her first day would be stressful, scary, and unfamiliar, but if Amelia could even slightly minimize the stress of returning to school, she would do that.
She had yet to go back to work, still on leave, but she was allowed to stay on the school premises, just in case anything happened and Helga needed her. As she drove the two of them towards PS. 119, the two sat in silence, simply listening as the radio played whatever was number one that week.
Helga was sat in the back, hunched over, tightly holding Minnie to her chest; she had become so attached to the stuffed lizard since she had gotten it, but it made her happy, so Amelia saw no issue. Helga wore a long sleeved pink shirt with white stripes on it, she wore large jeans that had hearts sewn onto them all around, and cuffed ankles, she wore white socks with flowers and a pair of pink sneakers on her feet. On her neck sat her locket that she refused to take off, and on her hands were beaded bracelets they made as a part of a bonding activity. Instead of pigtails, her hair was left loose, her ribbon tied around her head into a bow on top of it. She wasn't wearing it in the car, but she had also gotten a new coat, it was a pretty ivory jacket with fur on the hood and on the inside, the few times she had worn it had been incredibly cosy.
She looked innocent and cute, and though she didn't feel innocent and cute, at least she looked the part.
Amelia had gotten her a new backpack, so she wouldn't have to use the same unicorn one from preschool. It was a yellow backpack with flower print all over it, Amelia thought it was too big but Helga liked the size of it, she felt like she could fit the whole world inside of it. It wasn't very heavy, all Helga had brought with her was a ruler, calculator, a pen and pencil set, some coloring pencils and her pink journal, it wasn't like she needed a lot of stuff with her anyway. Amelia was purposefully in no rush, she wasn't necessarily driving slowly, but she also didn't dash them to school, so Helga spent the trip looking out of the window and or thinking of how she was going to get through her day.
Her biggest fear was questioning. She didn't want them asking her about the incident, what happened, how it happened, why it happened... she'd rather them pretend it didn't happen at all. She also didn't want to be patronized, she knew she was broken, tainted, but she didn't want them all to act like it, she didn't want them to glance at her and then whisper to their friends, or give her looks of pity. She knew her life was ruined, and that there was no going back, but she'd rather them not act that way. She had always been different, but now it was noticeable, now they had a known reason to separate her from all the innocent, normal girls. She felt in her heart that she wasn't ready to experience that, but...
She wanted to see her friends.
It was an odd dichotomy. She felt like she couldn't face them, that looking into their eyes would trigger an anxiety attack, but she missed them. She wanted to see Phoebe, and Arnold, even the likes of Gerald and Rhonda. She missed Rhonda's pompous ramblings, she missed Lila's out-of-touch optimism, she even missed Harold and his stupidity. Most of all, she missed the mundane normalcy of being around them, simply being near them made her feel like things were back to normal, even if she knew they weren't, even if she knew they would never be.
She was scared, terrified, in absolute terror of facing them all again, but she had to, because she wanted to feel normal again and that couldn't happen if she didn't have the routine of being around them.
It wasn't long until Amelia's car came to a stop outside of PS. 118, Helga checked the time on her phone, it was 9:15am, so class had already started. She sighed, at least the hallways would be empty. Amelia got out first, holding the door and helping Helga out of the car; her ankle had since healed, but her mobility was still in need of recovery, so the woman often helped her with sudden movements. Once she was out of the car, Helga put her coat on and placed her backpack on her back, before exhaling softly to herself, "my first class on Mondays is always math."
"Ah? Alright then, let's go," Amelia smiled, placing a hand on Helga's shoulder before locking the car with her keys. The duo then walked into the school building side by side, Helga kept her eyes mostly on the ground, her grip on Minnie getting tighter with every step closer she got to her first class. It wasn't long until the two were stood in front the door, and Helga could only stare at it.
They stood there for what could have been five minutes, with Helga shuffling in her spot and taking in a deep breath, noticing how antsy she was, Amelia looked down at her, "you don't have to go in, if you feel like you can't we can go back home..."
"No," Helga replied softly with a shaky exhale, "I want to... I sit next to Phoebe in this one... and Arnold's in the class too."
Amelia nodded, "of course, just don't force yourself to... would you like me to go in with you?"
Helga yet again shook her head, "no thank you, I... want to go through the day alone if I can."
The woman couldn't contain her smile, how brave she was being, even when she didn't have to. Amelia simply couldn't trust that she would have done the same if she were in her position; it made her proud, how much progress Helga had made in just over a month, even if the girl didn't realize it, she was brave. A strong, brave girl that was doing everything she could to recover, and Amelia was beyond proud.
"Alright then, I'll wait for you to go in — if you ever need me, I'll be in the faculty office."
Helga hummed in understanding, before placing her hand on the door handle to the class. She took in a deep breath, counting to ten before she twisted the handle and opened the door. She didn't step in instantly, giving herself thirty seconds to settle her pulse and calm down a little, but soon after she finally walked into the class. As stated, the teacher had already told students not to stare at Helga, and surprisingly enough, most of them didn't. When she made her way fully inside, the teacher gasped, before she then smiled.
"Helga, I was told you'd be coming in today, now I can complete attendance, take a seat dear."
The girl only nodded, before turning her head to the class. Most of them — in an attempt to not stare — focused on their work or their phones, and the only ones that actually looked at her were Phoebe and Arnold, both of whom smiled and waved. Helga found herself bashfully waving back, before scurrying to her seat as quickly as she could. She clutched Minnie, taking in a few breaths as he head held itself low. She blinked, that didn't feel too bad, mostly because the others weren't leering at her as though she were a museum exhibit. She looked over at Phoebe, who was writing something down; the girl must have sensed Helga looking, because she turned her head and smiled.
"Welcome back!" she whispered, though Helga was quick to noticed Phoebe's since deteriorated appearance, her hair looked tangled and her clothes were miss-matched and crumpled, not only that but her skin looked rather dry and her eyes had heavy bags, ha, they looked alike she thought. Noticing her glossy eyes, Helga furrowed her brow.
"Are you okay?" she whispered back.
Phoebe nodded, "I'm fine, let's talk after class."
Helga blinked, before shrugging, "okay, I'll stay here when recess starts."
Helga couldn't remember how most of the class went, she was sure it would take a while before she started processing classes again. Due to Monday being a double period, once the class was over, most of the class rushed out of recess. Helga kept her head on the desk, and let off a judgemental grunt as she saw them rush out, she was sure a few were going to go and gossip about how Helga was back and how she was doing, they'd probably go and gossip about her new clothes, or hairstyle, or how she let the unibrow grow back despite trimming it on her twelfth birthday. Another reason to not go out there. The teacher was fine with Helga staying for a bit, as she was going to stay in the room herself anyway. The only other two that were left were Phoebe and Arnold.
Phoebe turned to face Helga, taking her glasses off as she used her sleeve to wipe her eyes. Before Helga had the chance to ask what was wrong, Phoebe sniffled, "I really missed you," she began, "I was super worried, I hope you're doing good."
Helga blinked, before honestly shaking her head, "to be honest, I'm not, but I'm better than I was in October"
"Can I hug you?" Phoebe asked, "mom told me to ask you before I do it, because of what happened you might not like it when people touch you—"
"You can hug me," she said with a gentle smile, "just not too tightly please,"
Phoebe's eyes glimmered with joy, she stood up and stepped over to Helga, only to wrap her arms around her and give her a tender hug. The noirette could only gently cry, every day without Helga was hell, she felt like she had lost her other half, and knowing that Helga was suffering and Phoebe couldn't do anything about it only made it worse. When she pulled away and sat back down, she put her glasses back on, taking a tissue from a packet in her bag and blowing her nose.
Helga tilted her head, looking over at Arnold. The boy was looking around the classroom, obviously trying not to turn and face the girls. With a sigh and a squeeze of Minnie, she opened her mouth to speak, "you can come over here if you want, football head..."
Helga let out a small chuckle when Arnold shot his head in her direction near mechanically, the boy stood up, but he was so eager that he ended up dropping his stationary all over the floor. Hissing mumbled curses, he bent over to pick them up, before quickly sliding over to where Helga and Phoebe were sat, and then bringing out a random chair to sit on. He sat there, catching his breath for a few seconds, before looking up at her with a crooked smile.
"H-Hi..."
Helga looked away with a gentle blush, blinking nervously as she squeezed Minnie for comfort. Arnold looked different too, he looked as tired as Phoebe, and similar to her he hadn't done much to keep up his appearance. He placed his hands on his knees, leaning forward a little and grinning when he noticed Minnie, "it's the plush Grandma and I made! Do you like it?"
She perked at the question, before she held it tightly to her, "well doi, 'course I do, considering I bring it with be everywhere."
She was worried that her response may have been harsh, but Arnold could only happily laugh. He wasn't sure if she was either trying to behave like she usually did, or she genuinely felt like that, but either way hearing her talk like Helga was so nice to hear. It genuinely made him happy. He took stock of how she looked, her clothes and bag looked brand new, they weren't torn or stained and they actually fit her right. She had her hair down, which he liked, she looked really pretty like that, and her face was completely natural, unibrow and all. He remembered how she had tried to change up her look when she turned twelve, she got her brows trimmed and started wearing minimal makeup, like mascara and lip gloss. Now she seemed to have stopped all that, going back to the way she was before.
He liked natural state Helga, she looked really cute to him.
She had blemishes, little blotches of acne making themselves visible, her left eye was still a little dark from where the bruise had healed, dents in her skin and dry patches from healing injuries, and scars all over her jaw and neck; but he liked it all. He liked that she wasn't glamorous and perfect, that she had blemishes and marks and supposed imperfections, they were beautiful, she was beautiful.
He wanted to hold her so badly, to pull her in for a hug and profusely apologize for not being able to protect her or save her until it was too late, to stay by her side forever and ever and promise to be there no matter what. His hand shook from the urge to hold hers, to place a fairytale kiss on her palm or her cheeks. But he couldn't, Arnold was a boy, he couldn't just hold her and touch her, he couldn't just put his hands on her, because it could scare her. It could make her panic and feel afraid, even if she knew that Arnold would never hurt her. That man had made it more difficult for Arnold to express his love for his girlfriend, which only gave him more reason to curse his soul.
"I'm... glad you like it, I wanted to make you something special, so even if you couldn't be around me, you'd know I'll always be there for you."
Helga blinked, before she looked down at Minnie. She hugged the lizard plush tightly, her wonky smile spreading across her face, "thank you... I named her Minnie, like mini-me."
Phoebe awed, "ooooh, I get it, she does look like you, she's cute."
"Isn't she?" Helga happily sighed; Arnold would probably never fully grasp how much she cherished Minnie, how she brought the toy every where she went and couldn't concentrate without it, how the many times she had felt herself at her emotional limit since receiving the toy, she'd cuddle it until she felt okay again, how simply having Minnie around made her feel more at ease with the world. No matter how hard she squeezed, she was still soft, she was still cuddly, and she loved her.
Helga was silent for most of recess, with Phoebe and Arnold catching her up on the few interesting things she had missed in the time she wasn't at school. They didn't seem to mind that she didn't have anything interesting to tell them, or much to add to the conversation, they seemed subtly understanding on how and why she was quiet, and had no problem leading the discussion. Just sitting here, with Phoebe and Arnold, enjoying each other's company... it was the most calm she had felt in a very, very long time.
"Kids, recess is gonna end soon," the teacher soon said, "I recommend you start going to your next class, so you don't get stuck in the flood of students."
Helga was the first to stand up, "we have English together Arnold."
Arnold stumbled out of his chair, which garnered yet another soft giggle from Helga, "oh, yes! We do! We do, uh," he scratched the back of his head, "if you don't mind, I'd like to... walk you to the class."
Helga snorted, "well, we're going the exact same way so you might as well Football Head."
Her boyfriend could only beam with pure joy as he took a few steps, just barely missing the desk, "ah, yeah! Gotcha!"
Phoebe leaned over to pick up her bookbag, "I've got science, I'll see you at lunch Helgs?"
Helga thought for a bit, before then nodding, "sure, I'll be in the cafeteria."
With that, the three left the classroom, with their math teacher smiling as she prepared for her next class, "kids, so precious."
Miriam wasn't surprised when she was arrested.
When police showed up at Olga's door, asking if Miriam Pataki was in the building, only to then ask for her to place her hands behind her back, the woman could only nonchalantly do as she was told, her dazed state blocking out the sound of her daughter hysterically asking them to let her go. She knew they had searched the Pataki home back at the height of the case, she knew they had probably found the stained and obvious items that would prove some sort of abuse claim against her, she knew that it was only a matter of time before they arrested her.
Time had been a blur since she left the police station. She hadn't left the house, both her and Olga fearing someone may harm her if they recognized her out and about; neither were allowed contact with Helga, and Miriam knew her youngest wouldn't want to talk to her even if she could. She'd spent her time doing nothing, lazing about, barely processing her surroundings.
Olga distracted herself with work, she never even mentioned Helga or the incident, it was as if she were pretending it never happened — no, that was exactly what she was doing. She had removed all pictures that featured Bob or Helga, especially the ones that had the two of them together, this included social media images too. She never mentioned her father, with her asking for him to be buried in an unmarked grave. She had deleted all of his contacts despite him being unable to talk to her now, though she had kept Helga's just in case.
If the news ever mentioned the Pataki case, she'd switch the channel. She had went on all her media profiles and blocked any news or gossip blog that so much as mentioned the case, and even blocked the family electronics store pages. No one was allowed to mention Bob or Helga, and she would quickly change the subject if either were mentioned. It was strange, Olga loved her father, he was the only person she lived to impress, everything she had done throughout her life was to please him, but now she was pretending there never was a Bob Pataki, that it was just her and Miriam. The same Olga that wept for her daddy dearest and sobbed that Helga should be punished for taking him away from her, was the same Olga actively trying to bury his memory and erase him from existence.
It was obvious why, Olga didn't want to believe a man she had dedicated her life to would do something so heinous and evil, she didn't want to believe she was the product of something like that. She denied it to ends of earth, she wanted to believe that Helga was lying, that it was a one-time honest mistake, it was someone else and Helga was just blaming him, she would even believe her own sister purposefully pursued him if it meant she didn't have to accept that her father as not only a child rapist, but a child rapist that attacked his own daughter. But she couldn't, you can't argue with vaginal and anal tearing, you can't argue with DNA evidence, you can't argue with bruises and cuts, you can't argue with confirmed testimony, you can't argue with confessions, you can't argue with rape kits.
When Olga realized she couldn't deny it, she simply distanced herself from it; and as Miriam was back in the interrogation room she had tried so desperately to erase from her mind, she wished she had the luxury to do the same.
Miriam felt ill, Olga had actively forbid alcohol in her home, and considering she controlled most of the shopping, Miriam should have been forced into sobriety yet again; however she had been prescribed multiple different anti-depressants in the time she had been living with her eldest, and since she couldn't have liquor, pills became her newest mind numbing agent. When she wasn't scoffing down her anti-depressants, she found herself hooked on painkillers. She heard Helga was prescribed some, so perhaps it was good Miriam was made to stay far away from her.
The pill high was a lot different from alcohol intoxication. They both made her drowsy, they both made her feel like she wasn't thinking, and yet pills made her feel... paranoid? Yet, that was the word. When she was high she felt hyperaware, despite not actually being aware of her surroundings, she heard things, saw things, felt things. When she was drunk her mind was filled with no thoughts, but when she was high her mind was filled with too many thoughts, which ended up blending into one incoherent mess. She certainly preferred being drunk, but she had to take what she could get, either was better than being sober.
Unluckily, she was arrested during her come down, so now she was slowly sinking back into sobriety. She couldn't scratch herself in withdrawal, nor could she fiddle with her hands. As her body shook, the room felt so cold, part of her wished she could just die. She didn't want to answer questions, she hated the way the cuffs felt on her hands, and she wasn't ready for the future. She just wanted to suddenly die. Why had Bob gotten to die instead of her? He was never going to face the music, he was never going to pay for his crimes, but he was the criminal. He was the rapist. Yet here Miriam was, being punished for his crimes on his behalf.
Miriam couldn't even bring herself to look up when she heard the door open and someone walked in, her senses only being able to pick up the faint scent of strawberry scented perfume. She heard a click that she recognized as one of a recording devices, only for the person to tap a pen on the table.
"Miriam Pataki, we meet again, how have you been?"
Miriam looked up, almost angry that it was Angelina questioning her. The woman looked even more stunning than she did the last time she interrogated her; she had a full face of makeup, complete with flawless contouring and blushing that hid her freckles and brought out her already high-fashion facial features. her hair had since been curled in old Hollywood waves, and instead of a rushed t-shirt and jeans, she wore a professional black suit with wedged heels. Her fingers had been manicured, colored a soft beige with clean white tips. It was as if she was showing off to the rugged, tired Miriam how beautiful she wasn't.
Miriam didn't even answer, instead looking away with a huff. Angelina rolled her eyes, but she wasn't shocked by Miriam's hostility, the last time the woman was candid, the entirety of America demanded her head on a silver platter.
"Alright them, suit yourself," Angelina huffed, "like last time I was made to believe you have been read your rights by the previous officer?"
"... yes"
"Good, as you know this interview will be recorded, anything you say may be used against you in a court of law, if at any point you want to put a stop to my questioning you may request an attorney, at which I will be forced to end it immediately, understood?"
Miriam grumbled another yes, refusing to turn her head to face the woman. The beginning of the interrogation was as she expected, Angelina asked her how she was doing again, how life had been for her since the leaks — the whistle-blower had yet to be caught — and once the introductory questions were asked, Miriam was asked how life was for the Patakis.
"It was... life," she mumbled, "since Olga left, we were all kind of drifting, me, Helga and B, it was just life." she simply answered. She couldn't remember the last time she felt like she was living, she had partially lied, even when Olga was in the home she still felt like she was floating through life, just barely existing. She was keeping herself alive, but that was as far as it went.
"So you never had much of a relationship?" Miriam nodded, "okay, so can you tell me about the dynamic between Bob and Helga? Before the sexual abuse began."
Miriam shrugged, "they didn't like each other, he was... urgh, he was always yelling at her for something, calling her Olga—"
"He'd refer to her by her sister's name?" Angelina cut in.
Miriam rolled her eyes, "duh, I just said that..."
Ignoring the woman's sarcasm, Angelina continued, "did you ever correct him?"
"No, I mean, I would sometimes, but when I realized it wasn't working I just... stopped."
Angelina hummed, that seemed to be a running theme with Miriam: Bob does something bad to Helga, Miriam tries to tell him not to, Bob doesn't listen and Miriam gives up. She took a note of what the woman said, "so he was always yelling at her, called her by her sister's name... the two weren't close at all, I assume Olga wasn't treated as such?"
Miriam shook her head, "he loved Olga more than anything in this world."
Her mutter was bitter, and angry drop of venom directed towards Olga. Bob loved Olga, he cared deeply about her and would have sacrificed everything if it made his dear Olga happy; if only her husband loved her as much.
"So there was clear favoritism in the family, got that... so how about you? Last time I questioned you, I remember you mentioning how your relationship by this point was so bad that you were sleeping on the couch, and the marriage was built on necessity as opposed to love."
"I loved him, but I don't think he loved me... our marriage was in shambles, we only had sex a few time, including both of my pregnancies... I'm sure he was having a few affairs, I don't even care anymore, he's dead." Was all Miriam could say, she had nothing else to say about their marriage, it was empty, barren and empty.
Angelina nodded, "so was his violence only exhibited against Helga? Or did you ever find yourself on the receiving end of his temper?"
Miriam shrugged again, "he yelled at me once or twice, or thrice... we never argued, I was never sober enough to, he'd tell me to shut up and I'd do it."
"Why?"
"What do you mean why?" Miriam snapped, "he's my husband, I'm supposed to." Miriam then used her finger to tap the table, "he got mad at Helga because she never shut up, she argued back. I listened, Olga listened, she didn't."
The rest of the interrogation was relatively mundane, Miriam answering curtly to Angelina's questions, giving her minimal information and claiming that she was mostly too drunk to pay attention to what was happening. There came a silent moment, like last time where Angelina just stared at Miriam, waiting for the woman to crack, but six weeks of scrutiny had slightly toughened her, she had felt worse. Angelina leaned over to her binder and pulled out a folder. Miriam didn't get the chance to read what it said before the woman brought out a set of printed out, wide images.
The first one Angelina placed down was an image of a bedsheet, it had been thoroughly washed, yet there was a large dark stain that seemed permanently ingrained into the fabric, "can you explain what this is Miriam?"
The woman blinked, freezing for a moment, only to sigh, "the bedsheet... it went on our bed, that I shared with B..."
"And the stain?"
Miriam felt her stomach jump, but there was no use in hiding it, was there? They had probably tested it by now, the knew, "blood, Helga's... she'd bleed a lot when... you know..."
"When Bob raped her?"
She hated the word, it was so harsh, so violent, so true, "yes, um, I tried to clean it."
"Okay." Angelina dropped the image and then put forward another one, "what's this?"
The image was of a trash bag that was tightly closed, it had no identification, and the picture had been taken inside of what looked like a storage room. Miriam gulped, "that's the bag of... uncleanables, I'd—" she took in a deep breath, "I'd tried to clean her clothes and underwear that she'd bleed into, I gave her pads, b-but sometimes it was too much, I was planning to throw these ones away."
Angelina simply stared at Miriam, placing the other pictures down, before leaning forward and squinting her eyes, "so, you want me to believe that you were mostly unconscious during most of the abuse, but you had enough wherewithal to not only hide the evidence of your husband's crimes, but plan to dispose of it?"
Miriam could only lean forward, her vacant eyes only staring at the table. Angelina wasn't surprised when tear droplets began landing on the table, nor was she surprised when Miriam began to crack. She wasn't some master criminal who could lie her way out of a charge, and she wasn't some headstrong defendant who would do anything in her power to be proven innocent, she was a weak, drunk of a woman who followed her husbands every word, so when she began hiccuping, Angelina could only stare in stoicism.
"He was my husband," she quietly cried, "h-he... I couldn't let him g-get into- into trouble... I'd have nothing."
"So you purposefully tried to hide evidence that could have been used against him if you reported it? Y'know, the abuse you sat by and let happen?"
"I love h-her, I swear, that's my- my baby," Miriam choked, "I didn't w-want him to- to, I told him not to I- he kept- I didn't w-want him to hurt my- my baby..."
"But you didn't stop him Miriam, that's the problem, did you call the police?" Miriam shook her head, "did you inform CPS?" Miriam shook her head, "did you try to get Helga out of the home?" Miriam shook her head.
"He's my hu-husband," Miriam blubbered, shaking her head periodically, "I c-couldn't... he- he loved Olga... he'd d-do that to Helga if I- if... wives don't g-get their husbands into- into trouble I... I loved him..."
Angelina simply watched as the woman was reduced to rambling tears. She wasn't moved, perhaps because she had seen mothers like this on a near weekly basis working this job: mothers who prioritized their boyfriends or husbands over their children, mothers who would protect said male lover regardless of what they did, often at the expense of the children they were supposed to love and respect. In a way, Angelina could already see how the trial was going to go, it wasn't as if Miriam had a case against the neglect and indirect abuse charges, she had admitted to knowing of the abuse, and now she had admitted to actively hiding evidence and facilitating it, this was all so typical.
The detective could only pray that the outcome worked in Helga's favor.
Lunch went a lot better than Helga had expected.
She tried not to show it, and she tightly held Minnie in an attempt to calm her nerves, but Helga was scared. She was going into the cafeteria, where she would sit with her best friend, her boyfriend, and her other friends whom she hadn't seen in over a month. Other kids were probably going to look over and whisper and gossip and... the mere thought of it made her heart rate increase so intensely that she actively held her chest. She told herself it would be fine, she had Minnie, she had Phoebe, she had Arnold. However it just didn't help, she was scared. Going into the cafeteria was so nerve-wracking that she began shivering on the spot.
The sound of everyone inside, the voices of all the kids melting into one loud belt, she took an instinctual step back.
As Phoebe stood to her left, looking to see her friend's widened eyes and heavy breath, her own eyes dropped in empathy, "we don't have to go in there, we can eat in the gazebo outside. If you want, I can text Arnold and the others to meet us there."
Helga wanted to say no, she wanted to say that she was brave and ready, and that she could take on the cafeteria. She had told Phoebe that she was going to be in the cafeteria, Helga had made progress, hadn't she? She could handle the cafeteria, she should have been able to by now. Instead Helga nodded, "y-yeah I... I can't... not now..."
Phoebe smiled, "it's fine, I'll message him now, let's go."
Doing as she promised, Phoebe sent Arnold a quick 'Helgs cant take the caf rn, made her all panicky :( we're going to the wooden gazebo to eat, let the others know if they wanna come!' and soon began walking with Helga. The wooden gazebo was a relatively new addition to the outside of the school, only being added in the beginning of the year, it was only ever used by students that wanted to be by themselves, which wasn't very often. Phoebe found herself using it often during the time Helga was away.
When they arrived, the two sat down, with Phoebe giving Helga some time to settle her nerves before she broke the silence. It hadn't even been five minutes when the two girls saw a signature football head and his tall haired friend, as well as a few others that they knew approach them. Helga looked up, waving meekly as Arnold ran up to them. He heaved, placing his hands above his knees before slumping down beside Helga, "are you okay!? When I got Phoebes message we came as quickly as we could!"
As the rest of the group — consisting of Gerald, Rhonda, Nadine, Stinky, Sid, Lila and Sheena — caught up, Helga bashfully shook her head, "I'm fine, I just... sorry, I couldn't go in... I tried to, but my body just wouldn't let me, it was all too much..."
"Don't be sorry," a voice cut in, the voice belonging to none other than Rhonda, who held her head up high, "because none of us are mad at you, right?"
Everyone mumbled their agreement, before Rhonda huffed, opening her lunch bag. It was odd, Helga and Rhonda never really got along before the incident, even now Helga wasn't sure where their relationship stood exactly; but it seemed once word got around about what happened, Rhonda made it a habit to keep everyone in check when it came to how they spoke about Helga or her situation, anyone being crude or attempting to be funny about it got a stern talking to, and even now she refused to entertain any gossiping or hearsay about it. It made Phoebe smile, Rhonda may be harsh, spoiled, nosy and a busybody, but deep down she was a girls girl, and when it came to stuff like this, she wanted to make sure her fellow girl was respected.
"It's so lovely to see you again Helga," Sheena said with a smile as she brought out her carton of apple juice, "I like your jeans, they're really pretty,"
"Right?" Nadine nodded, "I like the hearts."
Helga found herself blushing slightly, "th-thanks, Bliss got 'em for me..."
Gerald perked in realization, "I heard about that, you livin' with Dr. Bliss now, ain't ya?"
"That must be soooo nice," Stinky interjected, "she's a real nice lady."
Helga nodded, and as she brought out her bowl of fried rice, she began choppily explaining life with Amelia, trying not to bring up the more mood-killing elements. As earlier, everyone else carried the conversation as it slowly began delving into more current events, there was an underlining knowledge that Helga probably didn't want to talk much, and everyone understood. She hadn't expected this, no one asked her about what happened, no one asked her about the aftermath, they all simply talked to her like she was Helga, not Helga the rape victim, not Helga the abuser killer, not Helga the foster child, just... Helga.
There was one person in the group however, who didn't. Sat at the very edge of the gazebo was Lila Sawyer, who looked at Helga with heavy eyes, but whenever Helga looked back, she'd look away. The girl picked at her food, not involving herself in the general conversation, until she felt like she had finally had enough. Placing her spoon down, Lila took in a breath, only to then face Helga.
"Helga? I do hate to disturb your lunch, but would you mind if we spoke? Privately, I mean..."
Helga looked up at Lila, who had now stood up in her spot, she looked down at Minnie, thinking for a few seconds before then nodding, "sure, I don't mind."
When the blonde stood up, Lila took a step back and began walking far from the group, with Helga skipping behind, leaving the others to wonder what Lila could have possibly wanted. Helga didn't really want to talk to Miss Perfect, but her panic from the cafeteria had drained so much energy that she didn't have it in her to be rude. When the two were a safe distance away from the group, Lila nervously twiddled her fingers, kicking her feet against the ground below.
Helga could only raise her brow, "so... what did you want? You said you wanted to—"
"How did you do it?" the girl suddenly asked, Helga was taken aback by her voice. Lila's shrill, sweet voice sounded harsh, snappy, yet there was a slight warble to her words that indicated sadness, contempt.
"How did I do what..."
"Kill him, how?" Lila managed out, the redhead brought her hands to her chest and gripped tightly, "how did you... how did you find the strength to do it? How did you bring yourself to kill Bob after he..."
The blonde couldn't help her scowl, "don't know how it's any of your business—"
"How are you always so strong!?" Lila suddenly screeched, which made Helga flinch on instinct, "you always know what to do, you always have a plan, I... I don't get it!" She could only watch in confusion as Lila began gripping at her braided pigtails and pacing around the room, "when it happened to you, when you realized you had enough, y-you, you took the initiative! You picked up a gun and you killed him! But happened to me I just... I just took it, like a coward..."
Helga's eyes widened as the realization hit her like a truck, but Lila wasn't finished, "when they reported the full story I wasn't surprised, I was like, 'of course Helga did that! Because Helga wouldn't let that happen, Helga's strong and defends herself!' but I don't know how!" Lila then fell to her knees, "please tell me how, how are you always so strong, so independent, so resourceful... how did you kill him?"
The blonde kneeled down as Lila began to cry, placing a hand on her shoulder, "I should've killed him like you did... I should have used a weapon to stop him... but I didn't, because unlike you, I'm a coward, all I did was cry and let it happen... I'm so jealous of you Helga," Lila could only sniffle, "you always know what to do, you always fight for yourself, I wish I could be like that... how do you be like that?"
For a few minutes after Lila asked, Helga didn't speak, only letting the girl cry into her own hands. When she felt that her crying was beginning to settle, Helga wanted to say something? In all honesty, she didn't know what to say, she could barely work out her own feelings, how was she supposed to work out Lila's? With a sigh, she clenched Minnie a little, before closing her eyes.
"I don't know Lila," she said candidly, "I don't know how I killed him, I was scared, I was really, really scared. So... I reached for it, it was a split second decision, I still can't wrap my head around the fact that I did it... I killed my father, he's dead and his blood is on my hands." Helga then said, "I... don't feel strong, I don't feel like I defended myself, because it wouldn't have happened all those other times if I did, you get me? I feel really weak Lila!"
As the redhead looked up at Helga, wiping her hands on her dress, Helga continued, "so I don't really know how to help you or what to tell you, other than I feel really weak and tired and scared all the time! I'm sorry that you wanna be like me, because... I have nothing for you to look up to..."
The two girls simply stayed their silently, not saying anything, only looking at the ground. Lila then stood up straight, reaching a hand down to help lift Helga up. She took it, pulling herself up with Lila's help, "I guess no one here gets us like we do then..." Lila muttered, "I'm sorry Helga, I don't know why I just came at you like that, I just feel..."
"A lot?" when Lila nodded, Helga chuckled, "huh, never thought I'd see the day me and Lila Sawyer have something in common."
Lila let off her own dry giggle, "yup, awfully terrible it had to be something so... awfully terrible."
The two shared an odd laugh, and decided to go back to the gazebo together. As they walked, Lila then said, "um, if you ever want too talk about it, but you can't, you can talk to me, I'll understand."
Helga blinked in surprise, before then smiling, "thanks Lila... you can... also talk to me about it, I'll understand too."
With that, they walked back to their friends, enjoying the rest of their lunch together.
Yet another chapter longer than expected. Fun fact, the outside pass is based on a pass students are given at my school; it's specifically for 'troubled' students, so during class you can use it in order to leave class for at most 15 minutes in cases of emotional distress. I have one of these, though I seldom use it.
I've decided that chapter 6 will be the final one, as I plan to time skip a few years into the future after the next one. After this fic, I plan to drop some more light-hearted stuff, such as a Hey Arnold fic I'm working on right now that may or may not have a lot to do with animals and magical transformation shenanigans haha.
Next chapter will follow Helga testifying against Miriam in her neglect case, as well as some Helga bonding with her friends.
