Hello everyone. I'm here with a new batch, a new project, and a new chapter.

Before anyone says anything, yes. This story was inspired by 'fred perry's indie sex comic 'haunted pussy'. Its pretty good, highly recommend it. No, its not a directly transcribe- I think that's the word. Its my own take on it. And no. This isn't a one off. Its just the first chapter of a brand new project that I have big plans for.

I hope you enjoy it.

10 points to whoever can guess which way this story goes.

Oh, and before anyone says anything- This was inspired by indie comic writer Fred Perry. He does a monthly 10-page comic for fan voted couple/ ideas. Done via a pole on his . Highly recommend it.

Pines LLC

Chapter 1: Warm and Fuzzy

Synopsis, because I need one. Apparently:

Its a full decade after the events of the show. Dipper and Mable are on their own in the big city. Co-owners and sole employees of their own company: Pines LLC. Pure urban fantasy kitchen sink. Can you guess who's the first of the o'l gang from Gravity Falls to hire everyone's favorite twins, and why?

Have fun.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Oh, what fresh hell is this?" Dipper asked, his sister handing him a tray of smushed up expired sushi drowned in ranch dressing. God it smelled, and- "Why in the living hell is this warm?"

"I asked the guy at the gas station about that. Something about being in the sun all day." Mable shrugged, grabbing a literal handful of her own sushi plate and forcing it down her gullet in one an audible gulp. "Pretty sure that's why it was free... and, other reasons."

The better half of the Pines twins grew a naughty smile as she stared off into nothing. Dipper noticed white globs around her mouth and chin. Oh, and her sushi didn't have any ranch. Dipper ignored his sister, walking around her to the back of the 'company' vehicle. Tossing his rotten plate in a trash can as he turned a corner. Suddenly, at least five rats jumped out of the barrel of hot garbage. Scattering. Screaming. Pure terror on their little whiskers.

"Yeah." Dipper sighed. "Yeah, that sounds about right."

Pulling out a plain granola bar from his jumpsuit's cargo pocket, the brains of the duo inspected his 'pride and joy'. The company vehicle was a van. It'd seen better days. Putting it mildly. There were more than a few problems, but what mattered now was the flat back right tire. Finishing his bland and plain bar of nutrients- ignoring his body's demands for more, Dipper pulled out the spare tire and whatever else from the back.

Getting to work, Dipper was really starting to notice the summer sun heat bearing down on him. Looking up, there wasn't a cloud in the sky. The only building around was the rundown tiny gas station they stopped at to refuel. It's only attendant? He looked like Santa's hillbilly cousin. Just as old as general winter with the beard and gut to match- oh, and he was fast asleep, face down on his counter. The man's overalls- his only piece of clothing- was suspiciously missing. Mable was giggling in the background somewhere.

Dipper shook his head, pulling out a wrench.

"Hey, I never asked. Tell me what we're doing out here." Dipper said, removing a lug nut. It wasn't a question. "I could use the distraction."

"A job." Mable answered thoughtlessly, scarfing down the last of her probably rotten sushi.

"A small job?" Dipper asked, pointing to the endless forest around them. The Pines twin, and their van,, were miles and miles away from any form of civiliazation. The only evidence any human ever visited this place was the crumbling one isle road and ancient gas station. "Out in the middle of nowhere."

"I like it. Good change of pace." Mable said, walking to the vack with her brother. Leaning against the van's rear door next to him. Literally licking that white gunk off her face. "Besides, it all adds up."

"When?" Dipper asked, impatient. The last of the lug nuts done, Dipper grabbed the spare tire. "Since we started our tiny company, we've had nothing but small jobs. It's not paying the bills. We can't even afford-"

Dipper dropped the spare. The round bag of rubber and steel popped a leak the second it hit the ground. The sound of air escaping filled the silence. For some reason, the memories of whoopee cushions filled Dipper's mind. A nail in the middle. His sister's favorite prank.

"We can't afford another spare tire." Dipper sighed, the whoopee sound replaced with 'insufficient funds' pings. Smug ATM's laughing at him.

"Wait!" Mable cheered, a dumb, goofy, eager smile on her face as she pulled out a small card from her pocket with one hand. A stamp in the other hand. "I'm ready. Okay, do your 'sci-fi magic'."

"Sci-fi magic'? I thought you were done with the oxymoron stuff. I'm not giving you anymore." Dipper said, pulling out a fresh block of sticky notes from his breast pocket. Their paper was royal purple. Along with an old-timey feather quill pen. Ancient red stains dotted the latter with rusted runes on the brass tip. "You did manage to get some on your own, right? Like jumbo shrimp? Old news? Organized chaos?"

"Daaaang, all of those are soooo good! How do you come up with'em?" Mable cheered, stamping her card with gusto. "Just need one more for juxtaposition bingo."

"What I wouldn't give for deafening silence." Dipper rolled his eyes, scribbling the dry quill pen on the first page of the bundle. The ink was red. Blood-red. Its runes glowed for a moment before disappearing into nothing. Leaving behind a blank yellow sheet of paper instead of purple.

"BINGO!" Mable shouted, jumping excitedly in the air. A huge goofy smile on her face. "Dipper, you owe me a foot long."

Mable's innocent smile turned naughty. The same smile as before with the free sushi.

"Hey wait, I did all the work." Dipper said, suddenly interested in his sister's game. He wanted the free meal. The male twin eyed Mable as he slapped the now gold sheet over the leak of the spare tire. The paper dissolved and vanished- As did the hole along with it. The ring of rubber expanded. Dipper tapped the tire. Full and sturdy. Roadworthy. "Shouldn't I get the foot long?"

"Dipper!" Mable gasped, shocked. "I had no idea my own brother would be into such things."

"I've been a paranormal investigator since we were 10, and you're the weird one." Dipper shook his head as he replaced the flat tire. Things were silent between the twins as Dipper focused on fixing their only means of transport out of hillbilly nowhere. Mable focused on taking selfies in front of the company logo stamped on their van. Putting his tools away, Dipper marched back to the front. "We're already running late. We need to get moving. I'll dri-"

"Dibs!" Mable shouted, shoving her brother out of the driver's seat and nearly out of the passenger window. He was about to protest when Mable nearly strangled him by strapping his seat-belt too tight. "Besides, you're the one who called shotgun. Mr. sleepyhead."

"Th-That was you!" Dipper gasped out, doing his absolute damnedest to loosen the seat-belt- Failing. "W-We had to hit the road be-before dawn and you slept until we stopped for ga-gas here." Starting to see spots, Dipper pulled out his exacto-knife and sliced through the seat-belt- forcing sweet sweet air into his lungs. "You even hit me with your stupid squirt shotgun when I asked if you wanted to drive!"

"Hmmmmn, no. Doesn't sound like me." Mable denied, starting the van making a B-line for the back road. Straight through and over the already crumbling curb separating the gravel trail and the cracked asphalt of the parking lot. Dipper could hear at least 10 things breaking in the van that he'd have to fix later from the impact alone. "Are you sure you're not hallucinating from a lifetime of all work and no play?"

"Are you sure you're not-" Dipper eyes doubled as his twin literally stomped her foot on the gas peddle. The van's engine roared in anger as it jolted forward. A stream of gravel and shrapnel erupted behind them. Panicking, Dipper opened the glove compartment and slammed his fist down on the glowing big red button- the engine instantly stopped. The van slowed to a gentle role before sitting still. Out of breath, Dipper glared at his sister. "Trying to get us killed?"

"You're no fun, Brother buzz-kill." Mable whined, her arms crossed. The safe twin swatted the button again. The engine purred back to life. Sitting there in the road. Mable yipped, ready to dash back to high gear again.

"Speed limit, at most." Dipper declared, full authority in his voice. His hand hovering over the button. Mable mumbled as the van trudged on, a safe and sober 15 MPH on that backwoods gravel road. "Don't start. We don't got the cash to pay rent. Forget about fixing the van."

"Money. Money. Money. We've got plenty." Mable shook her head, turning a corner- so slowly, the speed freak sister looked to be in actual pain. "The angry Feng shui job. The 'please don't leave me' Valentines medallion. Don't forget the Anti-demon hard apple juice. That last one was fun- who knew the god of drunken madness was so chill... and hot!"

That naughty smile returned. As did the glazed over eyes.

"Or cheap." Dipper grumbled, snapping his fingers in his sister's face. "He promised us 'Godly payment'. That reminds me, we need to have 'cash only' or 'Direct deposit' on our website."

"Hey, he paid us in 'divine whine'." Mable wined, turning another corner. "How did you think dino-grape boy would pay us?"

"Which you gobbled down in a week!" Dipper snapped, annoyed. "We could've sold those. Traded'em. How many supernatural types do we know that would give half their hoard for those drinks?"

"That reminds me. That metal band 'the furies' called. You're still on for that date with Meg, right? Last time we tried selling supenatch merch they looked the other away, for some reason. Right when they were about to kill us. I wonder why." Mable reminded her brother. A teasing, smug look on her face as she put her own seat-belt on. Dipper looked straight forward, ignoring her. "What's your deal today? Soooo, 'Sullen'- I learned book words!"

"We need cash. A real pay-day!" Dipper pleaded, beseeching the gods of debt and bills to get it through his sister's head. "We're close to losing everything."

"Meh. We'll land on our feet. We always do." Mable shrugged. "Besides, this job is really looking up!"

"Really? How far are we from the city already?" Dipper shook his head, pointing to the seemingly endless forests and plains around them. No sign of civilization in sight. Even the gravel road they were on was gradually turning more into an overgrown dirt trail. "Wasted half a day to get to the middle of no-where."

"For a client that paid 'premium'." Mable announced, her tone chipper. "Which is worth more than a week of non-stop little jobs. Just what you wanted."

"How would you know?" Dipper asked. "Did you ever actually put a price on the company website for 'premium' service?"

"Mayyyybbbeee..." Mable squeaked, embarrassed. "Looks like we'll be negotiating the price. Let me do the talk'n. I'm great at haggling."

"I stitched up the van, built the office, and slapped together the tech." Dipper sighed, slumping into his seat. Defeated. "And I let my air head sister make the dang website."

"And set the prices! Stole and reworked the uniforms. Attract the clients. We balance each other out! " Mable cheered, pulling out what had to be a half melted chocolate bar from her pocket. The 'fun' twin literally squeezed out dark ooze from the wrapper and into her mouth. "Oh, and don't forget. I started the business. If it wasn't for me, you'd still be slaving away at some scrapyard."

"I still do that." Dipper insisted, staring at the ring of dark candy around his sister's mouth. "Now I just get paid less."

"Whining and arguing. You're so great on road trips!" Mable said to her twin. The largest, happiest, angriest smile on her face. Dipper was ready for a rebuttal when his phone on the van's dash pinged. Dipper cursed, wishing he didn't cut his seat belt. "Oh, look at that. We're almost there."

Foot. Stomp. Peddle.

VROOM

Dipper cursed again as he reached for the kill button in the glove compartment. Mable swatted his hand away, pinning her brother to his seat with her arm as the van raced forward. Well, as fast as a beaten up old junker could on what was now a grassy dirt road. One that led to a steep hill that Dipper couldn't see behind. The twins cheered as they climbed up the hill- both in opposite ways. Jumping over the top, the van was in the air for what felt like forever but was probably just a few seconds at most before they hit the ground.

The van creaked and cracked on impact. The old rusted metal jerked, jolted, and bent from the strain as it continued racing forward. Mable, giggling like a mad woman as pot holes, dead trees, and what appeared to be a busted and burnt car right in front of them. A swerve here. A slide there. Mable avoided all of them. All at going full speed. Dipper would indeed be impressed with his sister, but he was a bit distracted by the charred skeletons in the burned car.

Only to do all that again when they hit another hill just a mile later. Only this time, when they landed the van came to an abrupt bone breaking stop!

"Oh god!" Dipper gasped, his heart racing. His vision blurry. The 'brains' of the twins had to get out. He didn't even bother with the door. Just climbed out. Falling to the ground on his face in a flop. Forcing himself to his knees, the pain and panicked soaked Dipper turned to his only means of returning to civilization. Yeah, the van was smoking- or at least steaming. "What did you do?"

"That was fun." Mable announced, cheerfully hopping out from her car window- but landing on her feet like a cat. She swapped her smile for a confused frown as she eyed the place. "Hey, is this really where we need to be?"

Dipper turned to where she was looking at- A wall. He saw a wall. Maybe eight feet high and stretched on for a good bit. Dipper would have to measure it later. It was old. Whatever paint it had chipped away ages ago. Leaving only ancient blood-red bricks- which were well on their way to crumbling to dust. At the top of the wall were a long row of spikes. Their bronze had rusted away to teal points.

Standing up, and praying for his van's health, Dipper walked up to the front gate. Its metal was also old and rusty but was much newer than the rest of the wall it was attached to. It even had an intercom built into the side pillar. The bricks around that were much newer, though still getting on in years.

Looking through the bars Dipper saw the residence it protected. It was old- no surprise. What was a surprise was how good it looked, compared to its brick fence. It still had its paint, though chipped and cracked. About two stories tall and made entirely out of marble and wood. In Victorian style.

"I'd say, century old." Dipper guessed, putting his hand on the brick wall. Feeling its crumbling material. "Maybe a little more. Its the only sign of civilization for miles, and it was built in the middle of nowhere. Can you imagine what it would take to build this thing out here? Even back then."

"This was some rich asshat's murder cabin." Mable announced, pointing at the manor beyond the gate. "You just know someone was playing the worlds most dangerous game here- Wait, hundred years... Prohibition whiskey hut, awesome!

"I really, really hope we're not being punked again." Dipper shook his head. "Like that Echo creek's job. Magical princess fighting monsters in the street. Noooo."

"Look at the cameras." Mable said, pointing to said devices sitting on each corner pillar of the wall. They were big. Boxy. And loud as one turned to them. "They're old but still work. Motion sensors. Sooo, someone's paying the electric bill here."

"Don't know if that's a good sign." Dipper gave a so-so sign to his sister. "You're not the only one getting murder cabin vibes."

Mable shrugged, strutting past her brother and up to the intercom. Dipper sighed as he fallowed his sister. Taking a deep breath, Dipper held up his phone with the customer's order on its screen- the second he so much as touched the comm on the wall- thing it collapsed in on itself. Literally falling to pieces at his feet.

"Somehow I'm not surprised." Dipper rolled his eyes, holding the phone up to his ear. "I'll just call the client- Hey!"

"Crowbarrrrrr!" Mable sang, literally jamming the spike of steel between the two rusted gates. Snapping open right there. "The universal key."

"What are you crazy- scratch that, you're a lunatic." Dipper grumbled, frustrated to the bone. "Breaking and entering- on camera! That's a dime in prison, easy. Look at this place."

"Yeah, exactly. Look at it." Mable said, twirling her crowbar like a baton. "Anyone who lives here won't be calling the cops... Unless they're on the take. Then, maybe."

"Soooo, death is better than prison." Dipper asked, his tone dry. "That's your takeaway?" Mable shrugged, unhelpfully. Thoughtlessly. Recklessly. That was it. Dipper had to get his sister away before she did anything worse. It pained him, but after a quick gear grab from the van- Dipper tossed his wallet to Mable. "Here. Get us some real food. I think I saw a Pizza joint about 2 hours back. Go crazy... No anchovies."

"More anchovies, got it!" Mable cheered, rushing back into the van. "I'll get a giant meat lovers, you'll get a tiny fishy one. Great idea. Later!"

The fun sister climbed into the still steaming vehicle and raced off back down the dirt road. The last sight of Dipper's sister was her soaring over the second hill.

"Mable's gonna kill me or she's gonna haunt me... she already does." Dipper shook his head, strapping on his backpack full of gear. Without any more preamble, he marched past the busted gate and to the front door of this all too creepy manor in the middle of nowhere. Looking at the order on his phone again, Dipper knocked. "Hello. This is Mason Pines of Pines LLC. That paranormal investigation company. You hired us for a... 'haunted kitty'?"

"PUSSY!"

A hurried, annoyed woman's voice yelled through the thick wood of the manor- Then the old door slammed open. Nearly hitting Dipper and crashing hard against the outside wall. In its place stood a woman about Dipper's age. Clad in a large tan Trench coat that looked to be a size or two big for her. Her long, frazzled blond hair shifted from side to side behind her. The girl's face was a huffing, red, mask of bland annoyance and burning frustration. Her shining teal eyes were glaring at him.

"I told the girl on the phone, haunted pussy."

Yeah, Dipper didn't hear much of that. The oversized trench coat? That was all she was wearing. At least from what Dipper could see. Only two buttons down by her mid-section were holding the coat together. Soooooo, Dip could see her bare legs past her mid-thighs and a LOT of her chest was showing. Just from a quick glance, anyone could see this girl had a large chest- there was a lot to show. All the R-rated bits were covered- but not by much. Dipper couldn't help it, he looked. The girl's sizable assets were bulging out and threatening to overflow the material of the trench coat.

"And you're so late! What took you so long getting here- wait." The woman complained, narrowing her eyes at Dipper. Her whining snapping him back to reality. "You're a guy? I specifically said I wanted a female exterminator. Give me one good reason I shouldn't demand a refund?"

'Her voice. It sounds so familiar.' Dipper thought, focusing in on his client's face. Her beautiful teal eyes and long blond hair rang some bells in his mind. Memories of a hunted manor. Uncovered criminal secrets of the rich. And flashes of the one person in town that didn't like the fun Pine twin. His eyes widened at the realization. "Pacifica Northwest?"

"How do you know my name?" The client asked, indignant. "The commission was anonymou- Holy fuck, Dipper?"

"Y-Yeah, its me." Dipper nodded, disbelieving. Both at the situation and the look of sheer surprise on Paz's face. Dipper found himself liking it more now than when they were kids.

"Y-You're back in Oregon?" Pacifica stuttered, pulling her trench coat closed- or, as closed as she could. Then she looked him up and down. Scanning his own outfit. "And what are you doing in that stupid- Mable. Gah! It took a solid decade, but I finally said her name."

She was right. Dipper, and Mable for that matter, was wearing a gun-metal gray jumpsuit with the Pines LLC logo stitched on the front and shoulder. Of which was entirely stolen. Though, unlike Pacifica's singular outfit, Dipper's was a size or two too small for him. So it clung to his body- skin tight. Dipper felt annoyed and embarrassed at the dumb 'uniform' his sister swiped and made him wear. Though, he was a little happy when he noticed the pretty Paz lingering on him. Her gaze going lower, and lower, and low-

"Uhhh, I got a new job. Oregon's 'open territory', sooo..." Dipper explained, awkwardly. "You said your cat isn't haunted? But you wanted a lady exterminator. Want me to get Mab-"

Pacifica grabbed one of Dipper's backpack straps and yanked him into her house. The door slamming shut behind them. Dipper did a full double take when he looked back and saw a wall of locks automatically slamming shut as they walked away.

That was when the great paranormal investigator's brain stopped working. Sure, he probably should've been scanning his environment. Looking for possible threats. Avenues to escape. All while being dragged around by a crazy hermit in an ancient murder house, built in the middle of nowhere. It did not look good. But Dip committed the cardinal sin of looking forward- instantly captivated by the heart shaped big booty bounding in front of him with each step. Paz was still holding that trench coat tight. So, while it covered her it didn't leave ANYTHING to the imagination.

Soon enough, the two made it to their destination. Pacifica literally setting Dipper down on a seat. Like her favorite purse dog.

"Sit here for now." Pacifica announced, strutting away from him but still in the room. "I have to check something."

Dipper didn't argue. Shaking himself awake, he finally scanned around. It appeared to be the living room of the house. It was about as old as you'd expect. But also as rich. The couch Dipper was sitting on was worn and ragged, but made out of handcrafted leather. The Persian rug on the floor was ripped, torn, and stained to rags, but its designs would still put most artwork to shame. At the far end of the room was a giant fireplace. Its stone material was intrinsically carved and detailed- if slathered in ancient soot and ash. Above it was a portrait of Nathaniel Northwest. The fraud founder of a small town in the middle of mountain country Oregon- and Pacifica's ancestor. Strangely enough, a large red X had been spray-painted over his face- an old piece of art that might've cost a fortune to the right people.

Ruined

Flashes of a blue blazing ghost lumberjack flooded Dipper's mind. People turning into wood. A choice between a slow death with rotten people or salvation with rotten smelling people. The choice was not his.

Dipper looked from the portrait to Pacifica.

"Yeah." Dipper nodded, his sister's bully turned his friend. "Yeah, that make sense."

"Okay, everything looks alright. From what I can see, you weren't fallowed." Pacifica nodded, typing away on a laptop sitting on a fold out table just large enough to hold it up. "By the looks of this, Mable just snapped off the rusted lock. That'll be easy enough to replace. She didn't break the gate itself."

"That's good to hear." Dipper said, getting up off the ancient couch. Pacifica glared at him. Her puffy red face and glistening teal eyes were a strong combination. Dipper sat back down. "I'lllll, take it out of Mab's pay. Sooo, security's a concern after moving into your own place?"

"It's not mine." Pacifica sighed, turning the laptop around so Dipper could see it. The screen was covered with feeds from the various security cameras around the property. Some even stretching out a mile from the residence. "It belonged to an uncle or something a hundred years ago. Something about bootlegging and prohibition. My family's been using this place for certain businesses over the years. Not in a while, but still. Thought it was a good place for me- for now. And no. You don't get to ask."

"You say that, but I've got some questions." Dipper eyed his client. She rolled her eyes at him, turning the computer back around. Dipper opened his mouth to speak- Pacifica's entire body suddenly locked up and started shaking, vibrating really. The poor girl bit her lip, grabbing the rickety fold out table to steady herself. Her face turning beet red as she stood there in visible pain. "Are you okay… Pacifica?"

Pacifica grumbled nonsense as she took a deep breath- or tried to. Her body's shaking went up a gear. Her knees wobbling like plucked cables. Pacifica lost her grip and tilted over. Dipper jumped off the couch and dived for his client. Catching her in his arms before she hit the ground. His heart racing, fear in his eyes, Dipper scanned his old friend. Pacifica's eyes were glazed over, her body sweating bullets. Shaking like a jack hammer in his hands. Leaning in, Dipper checked her vitals. The poor girl's heart rate was soaring, but she stopped breathing.

Panicking, Dipper set the poor girl down. Remembering his CPR training they made him take at school, Dipper opened Pacifica's mouth and gave her the kiss of life- he honestly didn't know what else to do. Luckily it did the trick. Just half a breath in, life returned to Pacifica's eyes. She turned her head to the side to cough. Her shaking stopped.

"Oh, thank god." Dipper sighed, relieved beyond words- nearly collapsing on top of her.

"Dipper, wha..." Pacifica turned back to him- she noticed Dipper was hovering over her. His face not six inches from her own. Pacifica's eyes shot wide, her face became even redder than when she fell. "Sooo, wha- ha…"

"What was that?" Dipper asked, getting up and pulling his client to her feet. Pacifica's face was still red. She looked everywhere, BUT him. Dipper opened his mouth to speak- then jaw his hit the floor.

"That… Dammit." Pacifica cursed, rubbing her temple. She took a deep breath, preparing herself- still looking away. "That's why I hired you." He said nothing. After a moment of silence Pacifica turned to him, confused. "Dipper?"

Yeah, turns out in all the commotion her trench coat came loose. The all but naked Pacifica was giving Dipper the full-frontal. His eyes locked hard on her open chest. Pacifica yipped a shriek, scrambling to shut her coat. Nearly tripping over her own feet doing it.

"Soooo..." Dipper coughed awkwardly, his face turning as red as hers. He looked at everything BUT her. "Nice tattoos."

"Th-They're not tattoos." Pacifica stuttered, the blushing duo avoiding eye contact. Pretty good for a pair of early 20 something's. "Wh-What do you know about 'curses'?"

"Uhhh, everything." Dipper said, pulling out a gizmo from his backpack. It was a cobbled together mess of a cracked I-Pad, a busted radio, and what appeared to be the insides of a toaster. Pointing the thing at her, the device audibly scanned her. Lazy green light shined up and down her body. A loud 'Nah-Uh' cracked from it. A large 'Nope' Emoji appeared on its screen. "It appears the coat is interfering. I'm gonna need you to, um..."

"Ugh, fine." Pacifica grumbled, accepting her fate. She flipped off the coat. Pacifica didn't drop it. She didn't toss it away. She literally flung her arms back so hard that the heavy tan material literally flipped off her body. Leaving the young heiress in nothing but her birthday suit. "Well?"

"O-Oh, yeah. Yeah." Dipper stuttered, forcing himself to look at his machine instead of the beautiful naked girl. The doohickey scanned her and a wave of information flooded the screen. "Its a 'Venilic' curse."

"That sounds made up." Pacifica spat, pointing at Dipper's device. "Where did you get that garbage? Fish it out of a dumpster?"

"Most of it, yea-wow." Dipper shrugged, his eyes slinking up- right at Pacifica. He couldn't look away.

Here's the thing about adult Paz- she had filled out. No, really. Unlike everyone's expectations, Pacifica Northwest did not grow up to be a starving bulimic twig with oversized breast implants. No. Pacifica Northwest had grown a little on the pudgy side, actually- in the best way possible. Her legs, short and stubby, were still graceful and thick. Nice round thighs. Big, baby-bearing hips that drew attention like a magnet. A healthy amount of padding on her stomach. Her chest. Holy crap, her chest. Dipper would have pull out his tools to get proper measurements, but he doubted he could fit either in his palm.

"Yo, nerd." Pacifica said, literally snapping her fingers at him. "Focus."

"Uh, oh. Right. Sorry." Dipper blinked, looking back at his device. A single page of information was all that appeared. Most of it was a hand sketched drawing to the side. "Iram Venerem, or Aphrodite's anger. Those markings are meant to..."

Dipper pointed at Pacific'as body- and promptly blindsided again. Pacifica kicked her discarded coat at him. She missed, but he snapped out of it. Forcing himself to focus. Dipper ignored the... everything, and examined the 'tattoos'. They matched the sketch on his pad. Kiss marks. Dark, angry, and twisted. Trailing down from her mid-section and up her thighs to her- center. Pacifica didn't wait for him.

"Gimme that, Nerd!" Pacifica grabbed the pad, started reading it out loud. "Aphrodite's anger. 'A curse that forces waves of sexual pleasure but refuses release on its target. Increases in intensity over time. Will eventually kill its victim.' Didn't know that last part. But hey, who wouldn't say no to that after a solid month of edging!"

Pacifica threw the device back at Dipper. He caught it.

"A month?" Dipper grimaced, his eyes going wide- and not at her this time. "Jesus, really?"

"30 days. 30 years. I don't even know anymore!" Pacifica cursed, the sheer rage in her eyes mutated into despaired madness. "I'm losing my mind. Tell my your build-a-bear I-Pad has something before I literally die."

"Y-Yeah, right here." Dipper said, pointing to the screen. "It says you have to be brought to... release by someone else. Sooo, have sex with somebody. You just-"

"I tried that!" Pacifica announced, her eye twitching. "A LOT. Tried. Even a few at once. Vibrators and sex drugs included. Nothing worked! Dipper I-"

Suddenly, the kiss markings began glowing. Royal purple. A repeat of before. Pacifica's body froze up. Shaking. Her eyes glazing over. A dark, twisted grimace on her face. It visibly pained her. Pacifica didn't try to stay on her feet this time- or if she did, Pacifica had no control. Letting the curse take her and falling over. Dipper caught her again. Holding the cursed girl in his arms.

Panicking even worse than before. Dipper pulled out that same block of sticky notes and feather quill pen. Stabbing the pointy quill into his left palm, Dipper grimaced in pain as red liquid flowed from his flesh into the ancient pen. Cursing, he scribbled a script on a sticky note. Dipper slapped it on Pacifica's chest. Just under the collar bone. The ink of the paper glowed blood-red, its paper mutated into golden yellow. The markings on Pacifica dimmed to their dark, yet neutral, black.

"D-Dipper..." Pacifica sucked in a breath, her body went limp in his arms. Grabbing his shoulder, the panting Pacifica asked. "What did you do?"

"Magic Talisman." Dipper 'answered', pointing at the sticky note. "Simple spell and temporary. But it does the trick. How do you feel?"

"I-I... Better than I have in weeks" Pacifica stuttered, tears welling up in her eye. Her head shot down. A hand sliding over the curse marks. "I still f-feel it though. Its still there. Gimme more sticky notes."

"Uhhh, bad idea." Dipper shook his head. Putting the pad of sticky notes away. "It just abated the symptoms. Didn't get rid of the curse. Kinda like taking cold medicine for a flue. Drinking too much cough syrup will put you in the hospital. Try'n to kill a curse with a spell... I've never tried that before. It'd be ba-"

"I can't go back to that Dipper!" Pacifica howled, grabbing his backpack straps and yanking Dipper to her. All but shoving his face against her own. A mad, desperate plea on her face. "You gotta give'me something."

"Gi-Giv'e me a second. I'll find it." Dipper said, feeling the hot- panting body of the naked beautiful heiress against his own. Her fat tits pressing on his chest. Dipper stuttered, holding up his pad. "I-I'll find it."

Pacifica pushed Dipper away. Her only hope for salvation. No malice or anger. Just frustration and fear. Dipper didn't hold it against her. She was his client and payday, after all. More importantly, she was his friend. Once upon a time. His only friend he didn't share with his more outgoing and popular sister. A friend that chose to confide and trust in him. Even save his life- when she had every reason not to. Even conditioned not to. Pacifica Northwest needed his help. More importantly, she deserved it. Dipper looked down at his pad.

"Aphrodite's curse, you said?" Pacifica asked. Dipper, her hired expert, turned around and found his client grabbing her laptop off the ground. Thankfully it wasn't broken. "And its latin name- It was Latin, right?"

"Iram Venerem." Dipper answered as Pacifica strutted over and sat on the old couch. Her computer sitting on her bare lap, typing away at it. "And its 'Aphrodite's anger'."

"Does it really matter?" Pacifica gave him a look. "And why was it Latin? She's Greek."

"The curse is Roman. The English translation is through several languages and a few thousand years. It happens." Dipper nodded. "And you gotta be real particular about this stuff. You know better than I do how companies go nuts when someone profits off a lazy knockoff. Same thing, only with crazy magic. Its all about the brand."

"Fine. Fine." Pacifica waved a hand, dismissively. Her laptop pinged. Paz's eyes shot at her screen. She tilted her head. "Anger of Aphrodite- and 'the wrath of Apollo'. Usually when he was snubbed. Which happened a lot in the olden Olympic days... apparently."

"Yeah, the sun god was a full-on creep back in the day." Dipper grimaced, sitting next to his client on her couch. He looked at her screen- a Wikipedia page. "Did not take 'no' for an answer- in the worst way."

Pacifica gave him a look.

"The golden pretty boy of Olympus was an Incel?"

"And worse." Dipper shrugged, awkwardly. "There's a reason people don't worship the old gods anymore."

"Some do... apparently."

"Yeah, remember what I said about questions?" Dipper asked, pointing at his client's curse marks. Pacifica sighed- Then, as if on cue, her body froze up again. Started shaking. Luckily, much less intense this time. Unluckily, green embers started smoking at the corners of the magic talisman still on Pacifica's chest. "Okay, talk about that if there's a later." The panicking Dipper looked back at her screen. "Curse was used a lot at Zeus' temple, no surprise there."

"Dipper..." Pacifica grumbled through clenched teeth. The corners of the talisman now burned away.

"Right, running out of time. Got it." Dipper mumbled, scanning down the page. "Cures. Cures. Cures- Ah hah! So, you can't just get railed by some random guy. It has to be either the asshole who cursed you, or..."

"Or?" Pacifica glared at him, impatient and frustrated to the bone. Over half of the talisman gone.

"Or, you have to do it with someone with the same curse." Dipper explained. Pacifica just stared at him. "Apparently the curse was used to start orgies- oh, and consummate weddings... Ancient Greece."

"... Dipper." Pacifica eyed him. She eyed him hard. Not much of the Talisman left. Dipper gulped. "You know where this is going, right?"

"I'm getting a bonus?" Dipper joked, terribly. Pacifica's right eye twitched. "Kidding. I'm kidding." Dipper pulled out the pad of sticky notes and the ancient quill pen. "Give me your hand. This is gonna hurt."

"Y-Yeah, sure fine. Whatever!" Paz spat, shoving her hand into Dipper's own. Literally, some spittle found its way out. Pure anger and hope on her face- replaced by realization and fear. "Wait, what do you mean its gonna hurt?"

"Uhhhhh, your curse and my spell are powered by blood magic- twisted shit." Dipper shrugged, reluctantly- then he stabbed the tip of his feather quill into her palm. Pacifica, for her part, just sat there. On the ground. Staring at him as her blood splurted out of her hand and over the feather. Absorbed into the outdated writing instrument. Didn't even flinch. "Okay. Uh, wow. No reaction?"

"I've just went through 30 days of non-stop pricks. This?" Pacifica pointed at her palm as Dipper pulled the feather quill away. The small wound closed instantly, as if by magic. "Is actually one of the better ones."

"Lotta... Lot to process there." Dipper coughed, awkwardly, as he scribbled the spell on the sticky note. "Circling back. You're cool with me. Y-You. Us-"

"Yes, Dipper. I am." Pacifica rolled her eyes. Any sight of the talisman was gone. Only the simmering smoke remained. The spell was quite literally running on fumes. "I will take the smallest chance I can find. Just tell me, its not the smallest chance- please."

"Well, I've never done this before. But I've done my research." Dipper admitted. Dropping the quill and ripping off the sticky note from its bundle. "Its all pretty straight forwar- Oh. That was a joke."

"What jo- Oh god!" Pacifica cried. Her back arced. Her limbs shot out. Head slammed down hard on the ground. The curse marks glowed- brighter than ever before. Like Christmas lights. Pain and hunger in equal measure gurgled in Pacifica's throat- but not air flow. "Di-Di..."

"Paz!" Dipper cried back, slapping the cursed sticky note over his sloppy uniform as he scribbled another spell together- Slapping the new talisman on the poor girl. Same spot. Pacifica's body went limp. Relaxed. Her chest panting. The curse marks dimmed- but still glowed. "Thank god. You okay?"

"No! I am not okay." Pacifica cursed, exhausted anger in her voice. "Feel almost as bad as this morning."

"The curse adapted to the spell. My talisman's not gonna work again." Dipper shook his head, determined. "We're only gonna have one chance to break it."

"Then do it alrea- what are you doing?" Pacifica asked, her eyes darting to her hireling's body. She couldn't look away. The nerd she hired was tugging down the zipper of his stupid tight onesie of a uniform.

Here's the thing about young Master Mason Pines- boy had filled out. No, really. Unlike everyone's expectations Dipper did not grow up into a living skeleton of a man with only a burnt out brain to offer the world. No, Mason "Dipper" Pines had grown into... a personal trainer. The man was tall and thin, yes- but with solid muscle. No detail, but dense. His stomach. Flat. No abs but no blubber either. This man didn't go to the gym- but he worked. Hard!

Oh, and turns out- there wasn't anything under the jumpsuit. But Dipper was just as naked as Pacifica was under her trench coat.

Pacifica gulped- the fresh talisman lit aflame right there at the sight. Its fire a bright neon purple.

"Oh, come on. I just put that on there!" Dipper spat, literally tearing off his paper thin uniform down to his waist. "The curse is out of control. It'll kill you if we don't do this, now!" Pacifica didn't hear a word. Her eyes glazed over. Those teal orbs drifting up and down the swole geek physique before her. "I gotta time this right. We need to do this together- at the same time."

That got through... maybe.

"Dipper, I'm going to say this once." Polished teal connected to baby browns. Pacifica leaned back on one arm. Pulled one leg by her knee up by her head with the other. Pushed out her chest. Opened her other leg. The talisman burned. The curse marks glowed. Bright Neon Purple for both. Pacifica eyed the sausage in Dipper's pant leg. It had grown since before. "Shut up and fuck me."

"Okay, 3. 2.- Gah!"

Dipper counted, grabbing the burning talisman with one hand, the cursed sticky note in the other. In one swift motion, the paranormal investigator yanked off one- slapped on another. The effects were immediate, though different than before. Yes, both of their bodies locked up. Curse marks glowing- but something else. They were literally pulling toward each other. Dragging across the floor. Not unlike magnets... crotches first. Oh, and their eyes were glowing Neon purple.

Dipper Pines, the spooky sleuth- this was all very new. His body was locked up, but his heart was racing- pounding in his chest. Like it was trying to jump out of his chest cavity. For his head- Ooooph. Someone magically plopped a lead balloon in the middle of his brain hitting the 'inflate' button. All of that was secondary to the sheer, naked, need he was feeling. Being a lifelong nerd with very specific and dangerous interests- Oh, and a sister that was offended by the very concept of boundaries; Dipper had gone through dry spells before.

But this?

All of his organs were on fire!

The world. His family. Dipper's own life. All of that was small and far away. He had one thing to do and that was all that mattered.

Cum his fucking brains out.

His body locked in place like it was made of steel, Dipper used all his strength to force his hands down to free himself. Every inch was terrible. Not just moving his hands. Trying and trying and trying- Dipper kept at it. It was taking too long. Dipper could not live in this hell. No one could. Dipper wondered if he bit his tongue off he'd die from blood loss.

"Di-Dipp..." The most beautiful voice echoed in his small mind.

Forcing his eyes open, a room Dipper couldn't recognize appeared before him. It was all the same shade of Neon purple. The curious Dipper wondered for half a second before the pain and need came back. A wave meant to crush. Destroy. End life.

"Dipper!"

That same sexy voice cried. Shouting in Dipper's mind. It was the only thing that mattered- replacing his own needs. That need. Looking down. Dipper saw red. Bright. Blood. Red. A person. A girl. Dipper didn't know who she was or why she was there. Dipper only knew that he was there for her- and she for him. He felt it. They both did. Dipper couldn't even make out what her face looked like, his vision was so blurry, but he knew it.

Need.

Her need.

Dipper could feel it. He would satisfy her. Her need.

A tearing sound erupted in the room. Fallowing it, Dipper found his hardness was ripping through the thin fabric of his jumpsuit. Halfway down his left pant leg, the fabric just pulled apart. Just like that, everything started flooding back. Dipper remembered why he was there. Who that girl was.

"P-Pacifica..." Dipper forced out through clenched teeth. Pacifica dipped her eyes down in a nod at him- her teal orbs locked on his hardness so close to its goal. The curse had pulled the two close enough that their knees were touching- and other things. Dipper knocked his head forward and let gravity do the rest- Timber! The immobile duo laid on top of each other. The both of them feeling his hardness pressed right up against her... 'center'.

There, on the ground. Their limbs a jumbled mess. Their bodies frozen solid- And they forced it through.

Just like that the curse was broken. A shattering of broken glass erupted in the room. Color returned to the world.

"AHHHHHH!" Pacifica screamed. Sheer joy on her face. Tears rolling down her eyes. The young heiress slammed her hands so hard into the ancient floor, her fingers pierced into the petrified wood. "Fi-Finally... Dipper?"

"Nope, I'm still there." Dipper stuttered, his body still frozen. The cursed talisman burning on his chest. Paz reached up and yanked it off. "I'm good." Dipper breathed out, panting. Collapsing on top of her. "Th-That was you f-for a sol-solid month?"

"No-Not that last one." Pacifica answered, panting herself. "That one- yeah, it would've killed me."

"I would not ha-wow..." Dipper trailed off, finally realizing where he was. Yes, predictably, Dipper landed face first on Pacifica's chest. His head resting on her pillowy fat tits. He looked up, the stunned, heiress's eyes met his own. Both blushing hard. "Sooo..."

"Sooo..." Pacifica coughed, awkwardly- wrapping her legs around the muscled nerd on top of her- INSIDE her. He could not escape."Wanna... double tap it? Make sure the curse is really gone. I'm paying for it, anyway."

"Right! Thi-This is for a job." Dipper said spreading his hands behind Paz's head. Getting up on his knees. He could feel her sharp, pink nipples poking into him. "Di-Did not for-forget that."

"Dipper." Pacifica said, about as gently as a squirll biting into an acorn. "I need you, to take that stupid, horse-cock, and fuck me curse free." Pacifica slapped both hands over Dipper's hard, anvil of an ass. "You got it, or do I gotta spell it out for ya- again?"

"Got it. Will do- wait." Dipper gave paz a look. "I've got a horse co-"

"Dipper!"

In he went. Slamming in like a battering ram. All the way in. Pacifica bit down on her lip hard. Her dagger like fingers stabbing through the cheap material of the jump suit and into the skin of Dipper's behind. Her insides clamping shut like a vice around the jumbo sausage inside her. "Tw-Two thirds of my dil-dildos. Beat-Beaten. Right there."

"F-Fuuuuucckkk..." Dipper groaned, doing his absolute best not to blab about Paz being better than any DIY gadget he'd built for his private fun time. "Yes!"

Just like that, a switch was flipped. Months of non-stop stress, annoyance, work and NO relief just unloaded. Dipper's toned legs started jittering like mad. Pumping Dipper into Pacifica like a rocket jackhammer. The sound of his body bouncing off her's echoed in the room. Her sweet nothing's fallowed.

FAP.

FAP. FAP.

FAP. FAP. FAP.

FAP. FAP. FAP. FAP.

FAP. FAP. FAP. FAP. FAP.

"Di-Dipper!" Pacifica stuttered. Pairs of pink hearts fluttered away from her like lovesick birds. Her palms still gripping his behind hard as he utterly railed into her. Pacifica utterly gushed, her eyes crossed so bad she was almost a cyclops. Her insides clamping tight around him, harder than before. Dipper kept going. He didn't know if he could stop. Dipper wanted to cum. He truly did. There was just soooo much stress he had to work off.

"Okay. My turn." Pacifica panted, padding his bum. Dipper bit his lip. Breaking himself out of his own trance. Taking a deep breath, he pulled back on his knees. Pacifica grabbed his shoulder, pulling herself up. "Me, on top."

"Pa-Pacifica. Yo-You're driving me..." Dipper stuttered, his face flushed. Paz nudged him- they both fell back. This time, Pacifica's face landed on his chest. Dipper still inside her. "Fuck! You're driv'n me crazy!"

"Oh? O-Oh yeah?" Pacifica stuttered herself, just as flushed- pulling herself up. Sliding her plump, thicc body up his toned, thin, muscly one. "Th-This feels soooo good..." Pacifica hummed, slipping her legs under his own. Pulling herself tight against him. Pushing Dipper as deep into her as she could. Her whole body started flinching- vibrating on top of him. Right there. "Let me squeeze onto you. Lemme grind."

So she did. Pacifica's burning heated body vibrated- uncontrollably- on top of him. Her insides still taught like a trap. The two hummed, lovingly together. Dipper wrapped his arms around her back. Pacifica slid her hands behind his head and neck. Their faces rubbing together. Giggling- together. Dreamy smiles on their faces. Those same pairs of pink hearts fluttered away.

Then teal orbs met baby browns. The two noticed their lips together. Their tongues wrapped around each other. The two pulled way. Their faces burning bright red. Still on top of him. Still inside her.

"D-Dammnit, Dipper." Pacifica stuttered, NOT looking at him. Laying both her hands on his hard pecks. "I sa-said we're fucking. Not... Not falling in l-love."

"W-Well..." Dipper shrugged, NOT looking at her. The tips of his fingers playing with her right nipple. "So-Someone's cu-cumming every fi-fifth stroke."

"I-I wasn't ha-having th-that many orgasms! Okay." Pacifica grumbled, pouting and embarrassed. Pride and longing burning inside her as as she got up. Dipper sliding out of her. A loud sucking noise trailed behind. Pacifica turned away- peaking around. Eyes down. "Th-Those hot, sweaty balls kept ru-rubbing my inner thighs. Y-You str-stretching my pussy! A-And your moaning and groaning?" Pacifica growled, frustrated to the bone. "Distracting the fuck out of me."

"I'mmm sorry?"

"Shut up." Pacifica spat, strutting over to the couch. Crawling on its cushions and kneeling over the arm rest. Her behind in the air. Pride and regret on her face as she glared off into nothing. "Here. Facing away. Ass way up!" Pacifica raised her behind. "No more catching feelings. No more passion kisses. No more fantasies about being boyfriend and girlfriend after this... Just plow!"

"Right." Dipper nodded, slinking back to his feet. Standing on his knees right behind Pacifica. His hands on her hips. His tip right where it needed to be. "We-We're not warm and fuzzy people. We just dr-dream about having those in our lives. Making us feel warm and fuzzy."

Pacifica whimpered, holding in a wave of feelings. Dipper went in. Clamp. Vice. Vibrate. The whimpering got louder.

"Pacifica?" Dipper asked, going up a gear.

"Okay. Mistake!" Pacifica shrieked, pushing her body back into Dipper with all her strength. The tall, muscular man almost fell over. Catching himself just in time, he re-positioned them both so they were facing into the couch, not off to its side. Pacifica's legs wrapping around Dipper sides only to shoot out forward when he thrusted. Kicking into the ancient couch. "Big mistake! Your di-dick feels even be-better from be-behind!"

"St-Stop sq-squirming." Dipper stammered, her body vibrating like it was running on D Batteries. Her insides shut so tight but so slick. Cumming so much. Dipper needed to be hard as a rock just to make it in- he was.

"M-Moron!" Pacifica whimper-yelled, losing complete control of her limbs now. "Sh-Shut up and fu-fuck me!"

So he did. Tilting Pacifica on her side- his hardness still inside her, felt weird but great- Dipper set her down on the arm rest. Her legs dangling off to the side. Paz puffed her chest out. Her head back. Her tongue dangling out of her mouth like a 'bitch' in heat. Jerking in and out of her like a machine on a timer. Gripping her fat tits with both hands. Using them like handles as he railed into her. Both their eyes glazed over. Drunk grins on their faces. Giggling mad- literally. Pure instinct. The drive for mating.

Hot fucking without a care in the world.

Those fluttering hearts had multiplied into a flock.

Soon enough, Dipper was racing to the finish line. Both felt it. Before he could even think of pulling out- Pacifica reached back, grabbed his ass- yanked him deep inside her. With a roar, Dipper rushed the both of them up and over the back of the couch. Eruptions of white hot- love, pumped into the still orgasming Pacifica. Both hands hard on Dipper's behind, keeping him inside her. Their bodies stiff and locked as their heads dangled off the ancient couch.

Drunk smiles.

Fluttering hearts.

After 30 years- really 30 seconds, their bodies relaxed. The two of them falling to the floor in a heap. The two giggling into each other.

"W-Warm..." Pacifica laughed. Loving the hot body, hard body below her- the gooey feeling inside her. Dipper laughed. Loving the burning, soft body on top of him. His goo dripping over him.

"A-And fuzzy..."