After his coronation, Arthur's life turned upside down.

He had to bury his grieve over his father's horrible death and Morgana's betrayal to remain strong for his people.

That belief in being strong was what lead him to bury every other emotion he felt as he was sure if he stopped to think about how all of this made him feel , he will never stand again.

And Merlin wasn't being too helpful, He kept challenging him , criticizing his decisions and above all , he kept questioning his Uncle's loyalties and that was just unacceptable, so of course it made him treat merlin more harshly and ignore their frequent banter.

Arthur was also aware that sometimes he took things too far with Merlin and often hurt him with his words but whenever he tried to apologize it always felt too late or too awkward. And Merlin always bounced back from whatever he threw at him didn't he?

He will later find out what would that cost him.

Arthur tried to focus for the umpteenth time today ,Why did he feel on edge? He stopped in the middle of reading the boring grain report.

As far as he can be concerned there is no revenge driven sorcerer out there who wants to overthrow him , no magical beasts are terrorizing his people , and his knights have just recently succeeded in clearing all the outer villages from bandits. If anything it was peaceful nowadays in his kingdom and the people were faring well after Morgana's last attack.

Still.

He feels so out of his depth; like something really unpleasant is about to take place.

Perhaps he is being too paranoid because no one attacked the kingdom in a long while?

It certainly is too quiet these days, not that he was complaining of course, but it just made him dread what Morgana will have for them in the future.

Suddenly he heard what may have sounded like a scream? and a heavy noise of something dropping in the courtyard.

What was that sound? ; Arthur wondered if one of the horses gone rampant and the stable hands were chasing after it , He had a strange feeling of foreboding but he quickly dismissed the feeling as him overreacting.

Arthur leaned over his desk and looked at how the sun was positioned in the sky , He sighed " It's late afternoon already, I should really finish this report".

knock knock

Someone was knocking. Is it Merlin?

He quickly dismissed the thought with a snort , when has Merlin ever knocked ? now that he thinks about it , He hasn't seen his manservant since he woke him in the morning, Arthur remembered looking at Merlin's back , He was being eerily quiet , with his body hunched and shoulders dropping , He kept his head down ; didn't utter even one joke nor said his usual greeting line of " Rise and shine ! " just for the sake of annoying the hell out of him.

Knowing Merlin and his usual sprouts of mood swings , he knows that although weird , Merlin staying upset over something occurs every once in a while , But this , this behavior, even for Merlin was unusual.

It was concerning to say the least but of course he would never admit his concerns to the slender man.

"I really ought to talk to him later " Arthur decided, no matter how dealing with feelings unnerves him , He at least owes this to Merlin given how he treated him recently, and if a voice inside his head that sounded suspiciously like merlin told him that he was feeling guilty; he will never acknowledge it. Arthur sighed again , Really all he does is sigh these days , He briefly wondered if it came as part of being a King . Another knock came. He got distracted and forgot to grant the person hammering his door a permission to enter " Enter!" he said in a clipped tone.

Arthur raised his head from the grain report he has yet to finish , It was his Uncle knocking , He didn't want to deal with the man right now if he was being honest, he was his dear Uncle, but sometimes he felt that the man's presence was too overwhelming.

"ah , Uncle is something the matter ? " Arthur said with a smile that he was sure looked more like a grimace Damn it . i hope agravaine doesn't notice he thought.

His Uncle seemed hesitant " Sir , Arthur .. " well that was weird? " Uncle? " Arthur encouraged him to continue.

He continued " Reports just came that something really absurd occurred in the courtyard " he stopped again ,This is getting really annoying, He made a hand gesture for emphasize to his Uncle " And that is ? " He said while dragging the last word.

" Your Manservant, Merlin. Apparently reports claimed that He fell from the battlements a few minutes ago , I am sorry you lost such a loya- " agravaine didn't get to continue ,As Arthur moved so fast his chair fell back with a harsh clang on the floor, grain reports long forgotten.

Arthur didn't even care about replying to his Uncle as he reached the door and opened it and He runned , He runned so quickly he thinks he never reached the courtyard from his chambers that fast before , All while thinking " how did it came to this?"

And then there is the one thought he doesn't dare to linger on " Is Merlin still alive?"

He reached the courtyard and stopped before climbing down the stairs , from where he stands he can see that there is already a big crowd surrounding a lump on the floor , He can hear the sounds of shocked whispers and even the cries of others , Arthur gulped ; He doesn't think he ever experienced being that scared , all the hairs on his neck stood , he was so scared more so even than Uther's death scared him.

He sprinted and reached the crowd , someone said loudly if shakingly " Make way for the King ! " he didn't notice it was Leon and the crowd split into two sides.

Seeing the sickening pool of blood under his boots , Arthurs Heart stopped.

He felt that his world crumbled and fell on his head.

No.

No. no no no no no " MERLIN! " He screamed with horror eating him from the inside not giving a second thought that a King should not show much emotion infront of his people.

But he doesn't care , he just can't have it in himself to care about anything, Here is Merlin lying in his own sea of blood , his limps are bent in awkward directions , blood gushing out of his mouth and nose ,under his head lies the biggest pool of blood, proving that his head got damaged terribly.

He felt like a horse hit him in his gut and he was about to be sick but he clamped his mouth shut . This image of Merlin looked so wrong , so utteringly wrong

Merlin. His Merlin. Merlin who continued to stand with him no matter how impossible and unbearable things became with almost non existent self preservation.

His best friend and companion and self-sacrificing manservant who always stood by his side with his jokes and bouts of wisdom , The man he frequently took for granted and turned him away beacause of his useless pride and sheer stubbornness.

His best friend who gave him his undying loyalty yet he repaid this loyalty with ungratefulness and constant harsh words.

Suddenly Arthur's developed facade of the Strong emotionless king he tried so hard to maintain disappeared with Merlin's motionless body laying on the ground.

He fell on his knees harshly beside Merlin's body and with trembling hands reached his face.

"Merlin. Merlin? " He kept whispering his name brokingly , desperately .. For anything anything to assure him that this was just his mind playing games on him.

Arthur finally made his trembling hands come to contact with Merlin's neck to check on his pulse

Nothing.

He can feel nothing under his fingers.

Arthur let out a grieving wail facing the skies that made people around him flinch back.

Merlin is gone.

His own tears came out silently.

Arthur didn't get to apologize for his actions all those years , he didn't get to tell Merlin how he valued him and how Merlin was his only best friend , He didn't even get to say goodbye and thank him for everything he sacrificed for his sake . He is late , too late he realized with a choking sob.

His body numbed and he felt so lost , like he already lost a part of himself with Merlin that won't ever return.

Arthur touched Merlin's forehead with his own he stuttered saying " I am sorry , I failed you " he kept whispering those words repeatedly like they were a chant. he wasn't so sure if he was consoling merlin or beating himself over this heinous accident.

But then suddenly he felt something move.

He opened his eyes again and saw Merlin's body convulsing with tremors underneath him.

He is alive ! His weakened mind supplied ; Arthur screamed with urgency and hope for the court physician " Gaius ! Get gaius he is still alive " He failed to notice that Gaius was already standing on the other side of Merlin's body shedding his own tears

The court physician jolted at Arthur's voice and sprang to action.

" I It - It can't be , How is this possible?" he whispered so quietly to himself, but didn't give the situation another thought he yelled for someone " Bring the stretcher! Quickly! ".

In the span of the few minutes before the stretcher came , Gaius tried to keep Merlin's broken body from breaking even more as his convulsions settled.

After yelling for everyone to stand away save arthur , leon , percival and the sobbing gwen , they managed to move Merlin's body to the cot in the physician's chambers with the help of arthur and the knights.

Gaius demanded everyone but gwen to go out , he even closed the door in arthur's face when he refused to listen.

The adrenaline that pushed Arthur running from his chambers to coming here instantly came to an end.

If it weren't for leon and percival's steadying hands he would have fell face first.

They steadied him and he sat on the floor infront of the physician's chamber listening to Gaius instruct gwen for tasks while trying to save what could be saved of Merlin's shattered body.

Arthur refused to believe that he will lose Merlin, He stubbornly convinced himself that everything will be okay although he couldn't stop his thoughts from spiraling ; have someone tried to attack his servant and kill him? , Did one of his knights or guards bully Merlin and it ended that terribly? , Was it his own fault for neglecting Merlin's wellbeing ?

He tried to calm his uneven breathing and asked with a strong voice that he doesn't know where it came from " How did this happen ? " .

Arthur could feel leon stiffen beside him and the man seemed like he was about to start hyperventilating " Leon? " Arthur asked his tone carrying a sense of confusion " What do you know? " he continued asking.

Leon gasped he looked like he might faint if his pale face was anything to go by, " Arthur, I I- you- " In all his life knowing leon he hadn't seen him that shaken before but he wanted to know what happened desperately that he never considered trying to calm him " Leon ! Tell me already what the hell happened! " he demanded through his clenching jaw.

Finally Leon looked more composed " Sir , I- I saw Merlin " " I was walking near the battlements and noticed that it's door was apart , i checked to see if there was anyone there then I saw Merlin , He was standing on top of the battlements with his body bent down , he seemed distant , i wanted to call for him but my confusion and shock made me hesitate , when i made move to reach him , he took a step forward and jumped " Leon's breathing quickened once again " I'm so sorry Arthur it's my fault i should have stopped him but i was too late , when i left the castle i found him on the courtyard and made someone call for you "

Arthur tried , he really tried to ready himself for whatever Leon was about to admit , but this possibility never once crossed his mind.

He croaked " You you mean to tell me that Merlin willingly jumped ? that he did this to himself ? " Leon turned his face away from him and closed his eyes while muttering another apology " I'm sorry Arthur".

Arthur stood on his legs quickly, he had an aching desire to kill someone, He was shocked and confused at first but then felt an overwhelming sense of anger and betrayal and as sudden as the feeling came it ended.

" How could he ? How how could he do this to himself ? " he fell silent for a second and then continued in a small whisper "to me ? " he asked no one in particular because he knew that the only person who could answer him might not make it past midnight.

However the answer to his questions was in front of him , have been actually in front of him for a while now and he was the one who chose to ignore it.

He made this happen.

It's his fault , He failed Merlin.

Instead of inquiring about his friend's health and the increasing dark circles under his eyes that grew day by day , he turned a blind eye to it and assured himself that Merlin will be fine the next day or after making a round to the tavern like he sometimes did.

yet he was never fine was he ? Arthur realized with a pang in his chest and now Arthur saw the results of his own arrogance and obliviousness.

After an unknown amount of time sitting infront of the door while repeating his failings in his head, The door finally creaked open and gwen came out.

She looked worn out and exhausted with tears dried on her face.

Arthur was scared to ask but he knew he couldn't wait any longer " Gwen? " .

" He is fine now , well as fine as he can be " she replied with a small smile.

" I want to see him " Arthur said , he had the feeling that he won't keep Merlin out of his sight again. ever.

" Gaius says you can see him now , we moved him to his bed as he will be staying there for a good measure of time " said gwen matter of factly but not unkindly ; if anything she looked anguished.

Arthur swallowed the lump in his throat he waited no more and entered the chambers , then he made sure to pat gaius's shoulder to express his appreciation for his hard work and reminded himself to confess to the old physician about the horrifying truth of what happened later, it was his normal right to know as Merlin's guardian.

He opened the door to Merlin's small room and entered, Merlin layed on his back almost unrecognizable because of the amount of bandages that covered every part of his body , only his pale face was exposed and if it weren't for the sound of his wheezing breath he might have thought him dead.

He pulled a chair and sat beside Merlin's bed and with no warning he started sobbing , unconcerned that he could be heard by Gaius and his men outside.

Arthur Pendragon, King of camelot sobbed for his best friend's state untill he slept where he sat on his chair.

Before going in an uneasy slump he had a last thought and it was of him vowing to be there for Merlin and to never take him for granted again.

Never again.

He reached for Merlin's hand and held it tightly before closing his eyes.