"Fin." Cragen stood at his office door. "We got a DV."

"Got it, Cap," Fin stood up from his desk.

"Rollins, go to the hospital. Vic's at Mercy," Cragen continued his orders. "And Fin, take Stabler with you to the scene. Husband's there."

Fin didn't have to say anything for Cragen and Stabler to know he didn't want Elliot's help. He knew it was a ploy by his captain to start integrating the detective again and he couldn't say no, but he sure as hell didn't like it.

Without conversation, Fin and Elliot left. They got in the squad car not sharing a single word. Fin drove; he didn't give Stabler a choice.

Elliot eventually cleared his throat. "Where's Olivia this morning?"

Fin gave him a sideways glance, then looked back at the road in front of him. "Don't know and I wouldn't tell your ass anyway."

Silence enveloped them, before Elliot got the courage to speak up again.

"I know I fucked up."

"Not even. You almost broke her, man." Fin didn't say it with anger, but with discernible resentment in his voice, resentment for the pain Elliot didn't have to witness. "I didn't think we were going to get her back."

Elliot let that sink in.

"You were a selfish prick and if she ever forgives you, it'll be too soon."

"She obviously moved on though, found someone to distract her."

"Fuck you. What she found was too many drinks."

That hit Elliot like a punch to the gut.

"And whatever Catholic school boy shit is going through your head right now, save it. She doesn't need to hear it and I don't care. She's excited about this baby and you don't get to fuck that up."

It was quiet again.

Elliot had thought hearing that Olivia had moved on would be hard, but at least she would have been happy with someone, she'd be getting what she always wanted: to be a mom. Hearing instead that this came out of a brokenness he had caused was much harder. That wasn't what she deserved.

Fin pulled up outside of an apartment building and put the car in park. "You remember how to do this?"


Olivia stared at the grainy black and white ultrasound pictures in her hand. She traced gently around the profile of the baby in one of the photos, taking in all of the small details. She was basically perfect.

Liv shifted on the couch and put the photos on the coffee table and traded them for the steaming cup of tea she had made for herself on return from the precinct that evening. She cupped both hands around the mug and let the warmth seep in; it was the most content she had felt in 48 hours.

A knock on the door broke through her contentment.

She didn't know who it was, but something in her gut made a pit grow in her stomach.

Pushing herself off the couch, she padded to the door and took a peek through the peephole. The person on the other side deserved the pit she had growing.

Maybe she just wouldn't open the door. Let him wait out there and wait to see if she would give him the time of day. He didn't deserve it and he knew that, so if she ignored him, he would have no choice but to understand why.

He knocked again.

In a moment of quick reaction, Olivia unlatched and swung the door open.

They stared. They didn't speak. They simply stared at one another.

Elliot let his eyes fall lower for just a second, but a second was all he needed to take her in.

She had changed from her slacks and blouse into black leggings and a form-fitting tank top, cut just low enough to show off her growing breasts. A cardigan had been thrown on top and it had slipped off of one shoulder. Her stomach was taught under the fabric of the tank top and he could get a real confirmation of her pregnancy, right there in front of his face. Pregnancy suited her. He had known it would.

Olivia felt his gaze fall and then meet her eyes once again. Her hand instinctively went to rest on the top of her stomach. A small flutter moved under her fingers, a reminder that she wasn't alone.

"I… Umm….," Elliot stuttered.

Olivia had to stop herself from rolling her eyes at his nervousness. "What?"

"I don't know."

"Neither do I, then."

12 years spent together and Elliot couldn't talk to her. He had messed up before; he had pissed her off and he had to give her the space to cool off. This wasn't even comparable. He would have to give her years and they didn't have that. He didn't have that. Elliot needed to do something. That's why he was standing in the hallway of her apartment, basically speechless.

"Elliot. It's been a long day."

"You were gone this morning. Fin wouldn't tell me why."

"Well, remind me to thank Fin later."

Elliot swallowed. "Everything okay?"

"I had a doctor's appointment."

"And everything is okay?"

"Oh my god, Elliot. I'm not fucking doing this. I'm not doing small talk bullshit with you, as if I owe you answers about my life. Or answers about anything."

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry about what? Sorry about not telling me you were going undercover? Sorry about letting me think you had walked out of my life forever? Sorry that you let me fall apart with no answers from you and made me pick up the pieces of your mess? What are you sorry about Elliot?"

"Everything. All of it."

"That's not good enough."

"Liv," Elliot sighed. "There's nothing I can do. I know that. But I also can't go sit in my empty fucking apartment by myself and know that I ruined this."

His empty apartment; Olivia hung on to that detail. Undercover work costs a lot, marriages included.

"I spent enough nights alone for the both of us." Tears formed in her eyes at the thought of all the hours she was left by herself.

A single tear rolled down her cheek. Elliot wanted so badly to reach out and wipe it away for her. He wanted to touch her, to comfort her. But Olivia swiped it off her cheek with the sleeve of her cardigan.

"I'm sorry."

"I know you are."

"I'm so sorry."

"It's not enough."

"I know."

She could feel her tough exterior wavering. She didn't want to forgive him, but she also didn't want to be endlessly mad at this person who had impacted her life more than anyone else. It was exhausting to be angry and sad. Yet, if she gave up this easily after she was hurt so intensely, then he won. She wouldn't lose to him, even if the toll was steep.

"I want to go to bed."

"I'll leave." Elliot didn't argue.

She simply nodded.

And he left down the same hallway he had come.

As soon as the door was shut behind her, Olivia let the emotions of seeing him, standing in her doorway, trying to be vulnerable, fully hit her. The tears that had formed earlier, now fell down her face, smearing her mascara with them. She fell against the door, sliding down to the floor.

He had too much control over her. She knew that. She had been constantly reminded of that when they were partners, but she couldn't change it. She could forget about it. She could push it aside when she thought he had left forever and she wouldn't be faced with his existence every day. Now he was back and Liv was powerless to the authority he had over her.

Maybe she would just give in.