(10) The Sound Of Silence

As the train pulled into King's Cross Station, John went to the compartment where three of the boys were. Sirius was not with them for once but John still shot a side glare at James before turning to Remus.

"Ray, grab your stuff," John began. "We have to find your mother as soon as we're off so we can go home."

"Alright, I'll get off with Peter & James," Remus said.

"No," John said. "Let's get ready now. The sooner you have everything, the sooner we can go home."

"Papa—"

"Now, Remus!" John ordered before stepping back into the hall.

Remus sighed as he pulled his bag down. He cast an apologetic smile at James. "Give him some time."

"I'm only distantly related to Sirius but your Dad still doesn't trust me," James said. "I can't even imagine how he feels about Sirius right now."

"Probably almost the same way I do," Remus said. The train came to a stop so he quickly said goodbye to his remaining two friends before following his father out to the door.

As they got off & headed for Hope, Remus glanced around to see James & Peter also separating to their respective families. He wouldn't admit it even to himself, but his eyes lingered over the walkways just a moment longer, but Sirius had yet to appear. Another call from his father made Remus hurry to the international apparation point where his parents were already waiting for him.

A few moments later, Remus found himself stepping onto a platform in Cherbourg. An old mural of the Titanic was along one wall of the building & ahead of him was a street where Hope's parked car was. The three of them got in & Hope moved the car onto the road.

The ride was uncomfortably silent for the first few minutes as no one dared speak first, even though they all had something to say. Suddenly, all three tried at the same time which resulted in another stunned moment of silence before each tried to be polite about it & offer to let the other go first.

Finally, Hope just blurted out, "What the hell did we tell you about school, Ray?" While stopped at the lights, she shot a glare at her wayward son in the rear view mirror. Remus was sitting on the back seat with his bags beside him. When he didn't answer, Hope said, "Don't tell anyone about being a werewolf puppy & don't go making friends with the Blacks. What is wrong with you?" Remus just shrugged. The light changed but Hope didn't move. "But it didn't end there, did it? What's this about you dating Sirius? SIRIUS?! The eldest son of Orion Black? Are you serious right about now? YES! I'M GOING, YOU IDIOT!"

Horns had started honking. Hope put the car in gear & headed into the highway. Next moment, she slammed on the brakes as some dumbass cut across her. She yelled out a very nasty thing in Welsh, another language Remus was fluent in, besides English & French; while slamming her own hand onto her horn.

Remus failed to hide a laugh. "Hope Lupin. Be kind to everyone since you don't know what they're going through. Also Hope Lupin. Nice turn-signal, fuck-face!"

"REMUS!" Hope & John shrieked.

"Did you forget you taught me Welsh?" Remus just smiled smugly. "I know EXACTLY what you said to that driver." They shared a look through the use of the rear view mirror again before Remus added, "Did I lie?"

"Shut up," Hope snapped. "Stop laughing!"

"You having road rage is quite funny," Remus said, leaning over as much as the belt would allow him to, guffawing like an idiot.

Hope glared in the mirror again but by now, even John was smirking. Hope deliberately ignored him. "I don't have road rage," she grumbled. John was now laughing uncontrollably right along with Remus. "We'll finish this conversation about school at home," she muttered, rolling her eyes. That shut Remus up, as Hope knew it would.

By the time they arrived home, Remus was internally screaming. He knew he was about to get another lecture & he wasn't looking forward to it. As soon as they got inside, Hope made Remus leave his bags at the foot of the stairs & brought him into the living room. Once seated, both his parents were once more ripping into him about school.

Don't tell anyone. Don't go anywhere near anyone with the surname of Black & certainly, for Merlin's sake, don't date any damn Blacks either. If he had listened to them, the incident at school would never have happened. What was wrong with him? What was he thinking?

Remus had a thousand things to say but neither were letting him speak at the moment. Finally, Hope said, "Well, what do you have to say for yourself?"

"Je regrette (I'm sorry)," Remus said, switching to French now that they were home.

"Désolé (Sorry)?" Hope echoed before adding, "Eh bien, tu ne reverras plus ce garçon (Well, you won't be seeing that boy, again)."

"Maman, mon loup (Mama, my wolf)!"

"Ton loup? Et ça? (Your wolf? What about it)?"

Remus described it in the same way he had told his father back in school. Moony's needs had to be taken into consideration or it could get dangerous for all involved. It ended with him once more out of sorts as he went upstairs to unpack. He could feel tears stinging his eyes again, as thoughts of Sirius forced themselves into his head.

/Still think he's perfect for us, Moony?/ Remus silently asked. Moony remained quiet.

Hearing his mother calling for supper, Remus went downstairs to get something to eat. He took his plate into the living room & looked around on the shelves of VHS tapes for the ones he had created. There was always one thing that made him forget his troubles, usually soothing him before & after a lunar shift. He wondered if it would work again. He spent the rest of the evening watching his taped recordings of Star Trek, beginning with the first episode. He planned to watch all three seasons again in the first week of summer.

Star Trek helped during the day. Remus was able to go through a few days in a row with hardly even thinking about Sirius.

It was the nights that would get him, though. As summer's first full moon came near, Remus was getting restless. He knew James & Peter would be here but it would be his first full moon in a long time without having the Grim dog along. On top of it all, Remus found out that Moony did, in fact, have an answer for him, but it wasn't through their link. Moony's frustrations was now affecting Remus's needs.

It started simple. Remus would wake up in the night feeling certain stirrings. The first few times, he went back to sleep, thinking he had awoken from some pleasant dream he forgot about. As it got closer to the full moon though, the sensations got stronger until finally, Remus woke up to something more than just feelings.

"Mm!" Remus sighed, waking up around three in the morning. "Merlin!" His eyes flew open as his body shivered, not from cold but a massive grip of pleasure raking through his whole being. "Oh!" He clapped both hands over his mouth to stifle the yell, hoping he won't wake anyone up.

Remus slowly lowered his hands from his face, down his body to his chest for a moment, feeling himself. Without really thinking about it, his hands ended up under his top & he followed a long scar upwards until his fingertips found both nipples. He traced a few circles around them. It added another wave of pleasure as he felt the wolf within stir. He stopped touching his scarred chest & slid his hands to either side, gripping the sheets. He felt his back arch as his hips went stiff for a moment.

He panted a bit, coming down from the high. After lying still for a few minutes, he turned on his night lamp & lifted his blanket. "Ah, bloody hell." Remus shook his head, seeing the wetness there. He let his head drop back onto the pillow & glared at the ceiling, noticing that his vision was slightly yellow. But the release wasn't the only thing he felt. He pulled himself up a little & checked under the blanket again. He pushed the waistline of his pj bottoms & pants down for a moment.

"Oh, that's lovely!" Remus groaned, seeing the knot there on his still-erect cock. His body had partially transformed, letting the wolfish alter ego take over. Remus had studied both versions of sexuality, human & canine, to be prepared for either.

Neither study told him about the wolf taking over his human body this much.

"Thanks, Moony. Thanks a heap." he snapped out loud in a low voice as he covered himself up again.

He lay back, waiting for Moony to go away, as he thought over what had just happened & what was happening now. He had just experienced the fabled wet dream, a strong one no thanks to the wolf. It was rather nice but he knew where it was coming from. His wolf wanted to mate!

/Gotta take care of it, somehow .../ Moony finally spoke, rather grumpy.

/Would you unknot, already? We aren't with anyone & this shouldn't be happening to my human body./

/Your body is mine, boy./

/Whatever./

He lay back in bed with the light on for nearly twenty minutes, waiting for his body to right itself. Once again, as if unbidden, he felt his hand move downward & inside. He started slowly stroking himself, focusing on the knot as if trying to make it subside.

He had wanked off many times before. What teenager didn't? But under his own accord. This was different. His wolf within was demanding it, so much so that it was taking over his human body.

As he felt the pressure dissipate & the gradual shift back to himself, Remus turned his thoughts inward once more. /You better not do that with Sirius. Knotting isn't human. You'll really hurt him!/

/So we are claiming Sirius then?/ Moony asked, almost as a taunt.

"Well, whoever I end up with," Remus snapped back. "Humans don't do this. If we end up with Sirius, you can do it with his Animagical form but not with him. Don't ever take over like that again!"

/What do you intend to do to stop me?/

Remus sat up in bed. "Stupid wolf," he grumbled. "I've told you before, I'll kill myself before letting you hurt anyone, again." He attempted to get up to go to the washroom but his foot was caught on the blanket. With a loud thud, Remus fell hard like a ton of bricks.

/I believe my point is made, yes?/

Remus let out a growl that bounced off the walls. His amber vision cleared & not a moment too soon. As he tried to sort himself out, his door opened. Remus made sure to keep the blanket over him, covering his light blue pj's.

"Are you alright?" Hope asked.

"Fine, fine," Remus muttered. "Just attempting to go to the washroom & pulled the blanket off." He looked up at her pathetically, wishing she would go away. No way he would talk to her or his father about wet dreams or worse, whatever the hell just happened with his wolf. He would wait for James & Peter.

"Here, let me help you up," Hope said as she stepped into his room.

"No, no," Remus said, clutching the blanket hard so she couldn't pull it away & see. "I'll be fine. Just give me a moment." He made a show of slowly getting up.

Hope stepped back to the door. "Alright, I'll turn the hall light on for you."

"Sure, thanks," Remus waved her away with one hand before finally standing up. He waited a good five minutes to make sure she was gone before slipping out to the washroom to clean up & change. In the mirror, he watched his reflection until he turned his dark green eyes to gold. "You satisfied now, you mutt?" Once again, Moony didn't answer.

Remus had never been more anxious about a full moon in his life & finally, even Star Trek failed him. His wolf didn't take over again but that recent sexual escapade had rattled him. He was also short one packmate, the most important packmate. He still had feelings of resentment for that packmate.

It got worse when an Auror showed up, letting the Lupins know that Orion Black now knew about Remus being a werewolf puppy. Currently, the situation was a moot point since Orion was in Azkaban until further notice.

Remus gasped softly, as he stood against the wall between the kitchen & the hallway, his canine hearing picking up every word. Orion had tortured his eldest son nearly to death & Charlus Potter had taken control of the situation.

Nearly tortured to death though, was all Remus could think of. He had mixed feelings about it. He certainly didn't like how Orion treated his sons, especially Sirius. At the same time, Sirius had now been hurt just about as much as Remus had been, in a different way but Moony within seemed slightly pleased about it.

Remus shoved Moony away in his mind. If Charlus Potter was able to adopt Sirius by blood, it had to have been bad. Too much for anyone to be put through. He stepped out into the hall as he heard the front door close. He locked eyes with his father. "I know," Remus stated simply. "I overheard it all. Orion knows."

"I don't think you should go back to Hogwarts, Ray," John said. "I told you this would happen."

"Sirius isn't the one who told Orion!"

"He as good as!" John retorted. "You're done, Remus. You can't go back." Remus tried to speak but John cut him off. "No! It's over. You've had your fun & now you're marked for death. You aren't going anywhere. The discussion is over!"

Remus knew it wasn't the time to argue so he went upstairs to his room. He stayed there, mulling things over until it was nearly time to eat that night. He went downstairs to find his plate was filled mostly with meat since the full moon was only a few days away.

The tension could be cut with a knife. Hope & John talked in low tones of their day, pointedly avoiding anything to do with Remus or Hogwarts. To them, the matter was settled & there was no point in discussing it further.

Remus startled them both into silence by suddenly asking, "Are Jim & Peter still coming over, tomorrow?"

Both his parents stared at him. "Ray," John started.

"Please?" Remus looked up at him, blinking out a tear. "They're all I have left. You take them away from me, you're just as cruel as Orion Black!"

"Remus!" Hope exclaimed.

John stood up sharply, making Remus jump a little. "Now just a minute. That goes a little too far."

"No, it doesn't!" Remus stood up as well. "I NEED something. It's all I ask."

"That Potter boy is not only related to the Black family, but he also now has Sirius living in with him."

"I didn't ask about Sirius," Remus defended. "He can stay with the Potters. Jim & Peter are supposed to come here. Just them."

"Remus!" Hope hissed. "Sit down & finish your plate!" She waited a moment before yelling at him again. "NOW! Remus. You too, Lyall!"

John immediately sat down. Hope had used his middle name. "We're only trying to protect you," John said.

Remus glared into his plate. "Maybe you should have thought about that before insulting Fenrir!"

"Remus! Go to your room!" Hope bellowed.

But John put up a hand to shush her before looking at Remus. "How long have you known?*"

Remus shrugged. "Three or four years."

"Who told you?" John pressed. "Sirius? James?"

"Fenrir."

The sound of silence could be heard for the next several minutes.

Remus finished his plate before shoving it into the middle of the table & glaring at his father. "So damn quick to blame the Blacks, all the time, aren't you? So … predictable." John just stared at him. "Don't you know how much Fenrir tries to get me to join him?" Remus went on. "I've met him a few times throughout my life but let's talk about that first time I ever met him after he had bitten me. A few years ago when I went to that restaurant at the docks where Titanic once parked. He was there. Waiting for me. He had been following me for a while. That's when he told me everything."

"Everything?" John asked, a warning look flickering in his eyes.

"That's right," Remus went on with a fake cheery air. "Everything. Fenrir isn't the one who killed Romulus, is he?"

"Don't!" John yelped.

"Huh," Remus licked one side of his chops. "Again with failing to deny things. I'm the one that killed my brother that night, aren't I?"

"Stop it. Stop it now!" John demanded, but his eyes were aimed at Hope who was staring in horror.

"Oh," Remus suddenly understood something. "She didn't know? You didn't tell her? Oops!" He cast her a pitying look. "Sorry, Mama. I didn't know you weren't told. I wouldn't have mentioned it if I knew. But yes, it was me. Fenrir said so. I have no memory. Too young. He bit me on a full moon so I turned that night. Left all alone while you two were fighting Fenrir off. Rom was in the bedroom with me so ..." Remus made click sound in his throat & a dramatic motion with his thumb indicating a cut throat as his parents could do nothing but look down on the table. "That's on me. Not even my three friends know about this one, that I may have had a drop or two of human blood & here they think they have me all figured out, raising, taming & training me with chocolate treats. Sure. I'll let them keep that fantasy, for the truth is monstrous. I was just a puppy. Confused. Scared. Hurting. I don't know how much my own brother's blood affected me because, well, as I say, I don't remember doing it. That night's a blank for me. Probably my saving grace."

"Mm!" Hope whimpered, putting a hand over her soft lips.

Remus turned his attention back to his father. "It's really all your fault, isn't it? You taunted Fenrir. Angered him. Even back then, everyone knew how he likes children & you had two small boys. Twins, five years old. Of course, they'd be targets. Would Fenrir like a side of chips with that order? To go, please."

"Remus, that is enough!" John snarled.

"Is it?" Remus stood up, daintily used a napkin before tossing it onto the table in front of his father. "I don't want to hear another word against the Blacks when my own fucking family is just as dangerous." He could see John biting his lower lip as Hope shed silent tears. "It's your own fault that I'm like this. I know it now. I thought maybe Fenrir was lying but you didn't even deny it. So I better see James & Peter on that front doorstep tomorrow," he pointed towards the direction of the front door as he finished in a hoarse whisper, "or I'll give you something real to feel regret about." He shared a dark look with his father as John looked up at him, eyes rimmed red for both of them. Remus let out a soft growl before angrily adding, "Live long & prosper!**" At that, he turned & left without another word.

Hope & John both jumped as they heard the bedroom door slam.


* As an adult, Remus used this same line (Prisoner Of Azkaban) so I thought it would be a way to link in something he may have gotten from his father; probably said in the same low-threatening tone.

** Spock himself once used this in a similar way, as a 'go fk yourself' to the Vulcan Science Academy (in both universes although only the Kelvin one showed it, Prime just told it in one of the movies).