Waking Up

Disclaimer: all characters and copyright belong to SM.

The First Crack

Even the brief time apart had not made Bella immune to the perfection of Edward's face. She wrenched her bedroom door out of the way to find him perched on the end of her bed. Her eager gaze traced over his pale white features: the hard square of his jaw, the softer curve of his full lips-twisted up into a smile now, the straight line of his nose, the sharp angle of his cheekbones, the smooth marble span of his forehead, his bronze-colored hair, so perfectly coiffed in its usual messy style…

Bella saved his eyes for last, knowing that when she looked into them, she would immediately lose her train of thought. They were wide, warm with liquid gold, and framed by a thick fringe of black lashes. Staring into his eyes always made her lose her sense of self-sort of like her brain went on pause, her bones turning spongey. She was also a little lightheaded, but that could have been because she'd forgotten to keep breathing. Again.

Edward's face was something any male model in the world would trade his soul for. Of course, that might be the asking price: one soul.

Bella immediately recoiled, feeling guilty for even letting the thought enter her mind. She was glad that she was the one person whose thoughts were a mystery to Edward.

She drew further into the room, shaking her head a little, trying to clear it, trying to remember the words she had been practicing in her head when she was supposed to be concentrating on watching the film with Charlie. But just like that, with one look into Edward's eyes, the words were gone in a puff of smoke.

Edward reached for her hand. Bella sighed when his cold fingers found hers. His touch made her shiver-but she covered her reaction with a warm smile.

"Hey." She whispered, slightly embarrassed by her anticlimactic greeting. "I would have been up sooner, but I felt I needed some father/daughter bonding time with Charlie."

Edward raised their interlaced fingers to brush her cheek with the back of his hand. "I understand." He murmured. "Though the time went slow. I missed you terribly."

There was no heat behind his words, but Bella felt the reprimand all the same.

"I'm sorry." She rushed to apologize. "It went slow for me, too."

Edward pulled her wrist up to his face, their hands still twisted together. His eyes closed as his nose skimmed along the skin there, and he smiled gently without opening them. Enjoying the bouquet while resisting the wine, as he'd once put it.

Bella knew that the scent of her blood- so much sweeter to him than any other person's blood, truly like wine beside water to an alcoholic-caused him actual pain from the burning thirst it engendered. But since his return, he didn't seem to shy away from it as he once had. She could only imagine the Herculean effort behind this simple gesture. It made her admire him even more for his hidden strength.

In a way it made her sad that he had to try so hard. Being close to her was torture, a sweet torture, but she hated that it was such a torment. With Jacob, everything was so much simpler. There were none of the physical boundaries that separated her and Edward, with Jacob she could hold hands, touch, snuggle without any of the –

Bella blinked, suddenly realizing where her train of thought had led her. Why was she thinking about Jacob in that context? There was no comparison. They were just friends, friends who liked to touch, sure, but it had always been like that between them from the beginning. There was nothing wrong in that.

Bella heard Charlie's heavy tread on the stairs as he came up to bed. Bella turned to find Edward gone. She sighed, waiting for the obligatory knock on the door. Seconds later there it was. She walked over and opened it.

"I just came to say goodnight." Charlie said, wearing an awkward smile.

"Night, Dad." Bella replied, then began to close the door.

"You won't forget what I said, will you?" Charlie added, placing his palm against the door before it shut completely. "You need to find balance, Bella. Its important."

"I won't forget." Bella promised. "Goodnight, Dad."

Charlie sighed, letting his hand drop back to his side. "Night, kiddo. Sweet dreams." Then he left to go to his own room.

After Charlie left for the work the next morning, Bella headed straight for the phone to call Jacob. It had become such a part of her daily routine, that she did it automatically. The phone rang and rang, but to her intense disappointment, no one answered. As she ended the call, she wondered sadly if Jacob was deliberately ignoring her again. After the previous day's fiasco, she couldn't exactly blame him. Charlie wanted her to fix things with Jacob, but how was she supposed to do that when he wouldn't even pick up the damn phone. Hadn't he already punished her enough by squealing to Charlie about the bikes? She was prepared to be forgiving. Why couldn't he?

"Who are you calling, Bella?"

Bella jumped in fright as Edward appeared behind her. Before she could recover, his confusion vanished and his whole body seemed to harden.

"You were calling Jacob." He guessed, his voice was stiff, formal, his shoulders rigid.

"Things might be tense between us right now." Bella muttered. "But Jake is still my best friend, Edward." She stared at her hands, clenched into fists at her sides.

They were both silent for a moment, and then Edward's cool finger was under her chin, coaxing her face up. His expression was softer now, more understanding. "I'm sorry, Bella. I hate to see you so hurt."

Bella thought he sounded sincere. "Thank you." She said, smiling faintly. "It's just well…I can't get him off my mind. I so badly want to make it up to him, you see. He just won't let me." She hesitated. Edward's tawny eyes seemed to get a little darker the more she mentioned Jacob's name. Her voice turned pleading in response. "Charlie says Jake is having a hard time. He's hurting right now, and…. it's my fault."

"You've done nothing wrong, Bella." Edward responded, a bit of impatience creeping into his voice.

Bella took a deep breath. "I need to make it better, Edward. I owe him that. And it's one of Charlie's conditions, anyway – "

Edward's face changed as she spoke, turning hard and statue-like. "You know its out of the question for you to be around a werewolf unprotected, Bella. And it would break the treaty if any of us cross over onto their land. Do you want to start a war?"

"Of course not!"

"Then there's really no point in discussing this further." He looked away, frowning in disapproval.

Bella reached out and took his hand, holding it to her face as she tried to placate him. "I need to see Jacob."

Edward's eyes closed. "No."

"Its truly not dangerous at all." Bella pleaded. "I used to spend all day in La Push with the whole lot of them, and nothing ever happened."

"Werewolves are unstable. Sometimes the people near them get hurt. Sometimes, they get killed."

Bella pushed aside the image of Emily Young's beautiful face, now marred by a trio of dark scars that dragged down the corner of her right eye and left her mouth warped forever into a lopsided scowl.

"You don't know them like I do." She whispered.

"I know them better than you think, Bella. I was here the last time."

"The last time?"

"We started crossing paths with the wolves about seventy years ago…We had just settled near Hoquiam. That was before Alice and Jasper were with us. We outnumbered them, but that wouldn't have stopped it turning into a fight if not for Carlisle. He managed to convince Ephraim Black that coexisting was possible, and eventually we made the truce."

Hearing Jacob's great grandfather's name startled Bella.

"We thought the line had died out with Ephraim." Edward muttered; it sounded like he was talking to himself now. "That the genetic quirk which allowed the transmutation had been lost…"

"Well lucky for me it wasn't." Bella broke in without thought. "Otherwise, I'd be dead by now."

Edward grimaced, pain flashing in his eyes. "Bella, please." He whispered. "I will never forgive myself for leaving you. If I had known – "

"I wasn't blaming you, Edward." Bella cut in before he became all maudlin again. "I was just pointing out a fact."

"Yes, of course." Edward murmured, his eyes darkening. "Your bad luck seems to get more potent every day. Do you realize that your insatiable pull for all things deadly was strong enough to recover a pack of mutant canines from extinction? If we could bottle your luck, we'd have a weapon of mass destruction on our hands."

Bella felt stung by this accusation. Surely, he couldn't be serious? She glared at him. "My bad luck had nothing to do with it." She snapped. "The werewolves came back because the vampires did. So, if anyone's to blame, it's you and your family."

Edward stared at her, his body going rigid. He wasn't used to dealing with her criticism.

"Jacob told me that your family being here set things in motion. I thought you already knew…"

"Is that what they think?" Edward interrupted sharply. "It's a great fairy story."

Bella's brows pulled down, irked by his reaction. She felt a glimmer of frustration, wondering why he was being so tiresome about the whole Jacob thing. If she didn't know any better, she would think he was jealous.

"Edward, look at the facts. Seventy years ago, you came here, and the werewolves showed up. You come back now, and the werewolves show up again. It doesn't take Einstein to work out that this is no coincidence."

Edward blinked, his smooth brow puckering thoughtfully. "Carlisle will be interested in that theory."

"Theory?" Bella scoffed indignantly. "You just can't deal with the fact that its your fault that so many lives have been turned upside down, can you? You just don't want to deal with it. Well, newsflash, Edward, you are responsible-you, Carlisle, Esme, Alice, Emmet, Rosalie, and Jasper-so stop denying the obvious and accept it as fact."

Edward fell silent for a moment, staring outside the window into the rain. Bella felt breathless and on edge. She had never defied him like that before, or spoken her mind so forcefully, but his denial of the facts had touched a raw nerve. She was tired of him being so derogatory about Jacob and his pack when they were the ones who had saved her. She would not allow him to speak ill of them.

"Well, say something, Edward."

"The theory is interesting, but not exactly relevant." Edward replied dismissively. "The situation remains the same."

Bella could translate that easily enough: no werewolf friends.

Even though she was highly irritated with him, Bella knew she had to be patient with Edward. It wasn't that he was being unreasonable, she decided, it was just that he didn't understand. He had no idea how much she owed Jacob-her life many times over, not to mention her sanity.

Bella didn't like to talk about that barren time with anyone, and especially not with Edward. She didn't want him to feel responsible for all the stupid things she had done in his absence, or the pain she had suffered. He already felt guilty enough. She would just need to word things better, sound more convincing, use all her persuasive skills to make him understand why making it up to Jacob was so very important to her.

"Please, Edward, I need you to really hear me." Bella begged. "This is so much more important than some whim to drop in on an old friend. Jacob is in pain." Her voice faltered on the word pain. "I can't not try to help him – I can't give up on him now, when he needs me the most. Just because he's not human all the time…. Well, he was there for me when I was not so…human myself. You don't know what it was like…" She hesitated, her breathing coming out in short bursts. "If Jacob hadn't helped me. If he hadn't taken care of me like he did, supported, listened, and nurtured me back to health…I'm not sure what you would have come back to."

Edward's hands were balled into fists at his sides, the tendons standing out. His eyes were closed, and his jaw was strained. "I'll never forgive myself for leaving you." He whispered mournfully. "Not if I live to be a thousand years."

Why does he always have to make it about him?

The traitorous thought infiltrated Bella's mind before she could stop it. She felt her frustration with him increasing. Hadn't she just asked him to really listen? She deliberately slowed her breathing, trying to sound calm and reasonable, as she placed her hands against his cold face and waited until he sighed and opened his eyes.

"I understand now that you were just trying to do the right thing. And I'm sure it would have worked with anyone less mental than me. Besides you're here now. That's the part that matters. But you must understand that I need to see Jake, I need to make amends with him."

Edward scowled. "If I'd never left, you wouldn't feel the need to go risk your life to comfort a dog."

Bella flinched away from him, her hands falling from his face. She was used to Jacob and all his derogatory slurs-bloodsucker, parasite, leech…Somehow it sounded harsher in Edward's velvet voice. She hadn't expected he would stoop so low as to name calling, especially after she had expressed so eloquently what seeing Jacob meant to her.

"I can't believe you just said that." She whispered.

Edward's expression turned stricken as he realized he had gone too far. "I don't know how to phrase this properly." His tone turned bleak. "It's going to sound cruel. But I've come too close to losing you in the past. I know what it feels like to think I have. I am not going to tolerate anything dangerous."

"So, this is all about you and your feelings?" Bella said, astounded. "What about me? What about what I want? How I feel? Doesn't that matter?"

Edward's face was pained again. "Please, Bella." He whispered.

Bella stared suddenly into his burning golden eyes. "Please what?"

"Please, for me. Please make a conscious effort to keep yourself safe. I'll do everything I can, but I would appreciate a little help."

"I'll do my best." Bella promised. "But you have to let me see Jacob."

"No werewolves."

"I have to see Jacob." Bella insisted.

"Then I'll have to stop you." Edward sounded utterly confident that this wouldn't be a problem. He had no idea that this confidence would have the opposite effect to what he intended. Unbeknownst to him, the first crack in Bella's blind adoration, began to surface.

We'll see about that! She thought grimly, steely determination flashing in her eyes.

A/N-thanks for reading! I promise Jake will appear next chapter. I just need to set the groundwork.