It was midafternoon when the Scout formation paused their journey.
A forest stretched along the horizon – the final barrier blocking Wall Maria from sight. The group would have to camp within the trees for the night if they were to continue. This was a hazard which could leave them open to encountering Titan's hiding among the shadows. As ideal as a forest was for battling the Titans, it was better to settle down in an area with ample line of sight. A nighttime Titan encounter wasn't anticipated; that didn't mean it was unprecedented.
Buckets of water were dunked within a nearby stream. The water was to be poured into pots and heated over campfires for the use of drinking, bathing, and cooking. A genial hum of conversation drifted downstream from the soldiers heaving the buckets' wide handles over their shoulders. The voices drifted downstream in a relaxed, unhurried manner.
Eren turned away from the chatting soldiers to look down into the water. The river was entirely clear with small, round pebbles lining the river floor. They gleamed in a merry fashion against the sun. During the times his horse would pause from taking a drink, the ripples would still long enough for Eren to catch a glimpse of his reflection.
"Oi, Armin," Eren said. His friend leaned from around his own horse, but Eren kept his eyes locked on the water. "Would you say you have something that defines everything about who you are?"
The question wasn't an easy one for Armin to answer. He gave his speckled horse a pat before taking a seat at Eren's side along the riverbank. Unlike most, Armin didn't question Eren's reasoning behind the inquiry. The speculation of why it was asked was certainly interesting, however he knew Eren well enough to know attempting to pry without first giving an answer would only lead to pushback.
"I wouldn't say so," Armin said after a moment. "I don't think anyone has a single defining trait."
"You think so?" Eren said. His eyebrows knit together in thought. "I kinda thought I had something like that for a while. I was the guy who was going to kill all the Titans. Then I became the guy who was going to fight to protect my comrades. Now I have no idea who the hell I am."
"You're you, Eren," a voice from behind said.
Eren and Armin turned as footsteps approached. They tracked Mikasa as she took a seat on Eren's other side. "You've always been you," Mikasa said. "And you'll always be you; no need to worry beyond that."
"That's easy for you to say," Eren said. He ran a hand through his hair with a grunt. "You don't have a bunch of other people crammed into your head. Ever since what happened with Annie … I feel like a failure; I haven't been able to protect anyone. I haven't been able to define what I am. I can't … make people happy."
"Eren …" Armin said, his tone laced with worry. "You're putting a lot of blame on yourself for things that aren't your fault. I know you want to look out for us like you always have, but you have to realize we can look out for ourselves, too. We don't need you to protect us. It's nice that you feel we're important enough for you to want to define yourself as someone we can depend on. However, that's a heavy burden to bear. No one, me especially, wants to put that on you."
"You can lean on us too, Eren," Mikasa said. She regarded him with a gentle smile. "If you say Annie is with you, would leaning on her be any different?"
Depend … on Annie?
Eren's eyes grew wide. Uncertainty flashed across his face as he studied Mikasa. "Doesn't it bother you? Who you could be talking to isn't really the Eren you used to know. If how I act changes … how I feel, and how I think … Am I still the person you grew up with? Am I still the person you want to have fighting beside you?"
Mikasa clutched the red scarf about her neck in a gentle fashion. "You're not the same as you were before. You're also not the same as you were when we were young. You change, but you never stop being Eren."
Mikasa was regarded with a gentle smile. Eren turned to the side, the smile falling away as he studied Armin. His friend was staring at the water with a pensive expression.
"People do change, don't they?" Armin said. He looked to Eren, guilt etched across his face. "I'm sorry, Eren. I didn't think of it that way. You've been acting differently, but I've treated you the same because I didn't want you to know I'd noticed. That was … patronizing of me, huh? You're not a child. Maybe if I'd been straight-forward with you from the start, you wouldn't be feeling this way."
"Armin …" Eren said.
"Instead of ignoring it, I should've talked to you about how you're feeling," Armin said. His expression softened. "Feeling like you have someone else in your head sounds like it could be terrifying. On the other hand, I remember Annie being kind. If there's a part of her left trying to influence you in one way or another, I don't believe she'd try to do anything bad. Maybe sometimes you'll disagree, and even have to tell her 'no,' but ultimately the decision is yours. Annie was a good person; she would never force you into anything against your will."
The tear welling up and rolling down Eren's cheek was unexpected. Armin flinched, holding up his palms. "S-sorry!" he said. "I don't know exactly what you're going through … I just thought–"
"It's okay, Armin," Eren said. He reached up to wipe the tear away. "That wasn't me crying, anyway. I know this … but it doesn't bother me as much as it did before. It's a little scary; not just because of Annie, but because I have to start over again on figuring out who I am. You guys don't need me to act like some sort of savior. And if I'm being honest … I'm getting tired. I'm tired of fighting and seeing more of our friends die. I want to go back to how we were as kids before the wall fell. Although this time, we won't be trapped. The greatest thing in the world would be for us to be free without being afraid."
It came as a surprise when Armin laughed. The pink hue on his cheeks spread from the confused expression being thrown his way.
"Sorry, Eren," Armin said. "I'm not laughing at you. I just find it funny that you say you're worried about how much you've changed, but I don't think you've changed as much as you think."
There was no question whether the tears welling up belonged to him this time around. Eren wiped his face with a grin. "Thanks, Armin. You too, Mikasa."
Night came and went without incident. The morning brought low clouds and distant claps of thunder. Hange and her unit rode out with the dawn, switching from horseback to ODM gear once they reached the forest. The remainder of the scouting party picked up camp and waited for her return. Moblit was clearly on edge. A calmer demeanor exuded from Levi as he drank his morning tea. His distress was given away through how his eyes would dart to the trees any time he picked up even the smallest sound.
"Everyone!"
Hange and the others came riding back. She was immediately met by her Captains and Section Commanders.
"Visibility was poor due to a patch of fog," Hange said. She scanned the faces around her with a firm expression. "However, that fog should be breaking soon. There were a handful of Titans in the neighborhoods alongside the wall; we can handle them with swords. Have thunder spears at the ready, but refrain from using them unless absolutely necessary. We want to avoid attracting the attention of the Titans within the district as much as possible. Levi – have your squad get Eren and Ymir in formation; we're moving out."
Whatever fog Hange and her unit had encountered had dissipated by the time the formation got moving. The forest was devoid of Titans – the creatures likely hanging around the houses just outside the district. Most Titans showed little signs in terms of intelligence, though they certainly possessed enough to have an idea of where people could be found.
The trees began to thin. Reins were gripped tight, heads were lowered; eyes were narrowed. Wall Maria was within sight. A cluster of dilapidated buildings huddled around the wall just off the main road. They'd once been homes and storefronts for loggers, trappers, and other tradesmen who frequently did business both in and out of Shiganshina. Nearly a quarter of them only had a wall or two left; a byproduct of the debris created when the barrier was destroyed. The sight made Eren's blood run cold.
We're finally … back here, he thought. The destruction of his home was a scene Eren dreamt of far more often than he'd like. Despite reliving the memories on a regular basis, coming face-to-face with where his nightmares stemmed from was another thing entirely. Side glances to Armin and Mikasa confirmed he wasn't the only one who felt this way.
"Wait!"
Whinnies and grunts accompanied the horses being yanked to a halt. Hange sat at the front of the formation, her eyes growing wide behind her goggles.
"What … is that?" Hange said, her voice drenched in disbelief.
The hole in the wall was being blocked. Three seven-meter Titans stood with their arms over the other's shoulders. They were looking straight at the group who'd emerged from the trees, yet made no move to advance. The Titans only stood still as the stone around them as they stared.
"You're finally here," a voice said. The low bellow came from somewhere near the wall. A furry head suddenly raised above the rooftops as the Beast Titan got to its feet. It lumbered to the side until it stood along the main road directly in front of the wall's hole. It raised a hand in greeting.
"Good morning," the Beast Titan said. "I have a proposal for you soldiers of Paradis. Hear me out, will you?"
