Zootopia: Kaiden's Story
Intro
Zootopia…What can be said about her, a shining animal metropolis, a place where predator and prey, large and small, good and evil can rub against one another in a mish mash, an eclectic melting pot of civilization.
A place of promise and opportunity, a place of safety and security, a place where fair chances and hard work are rewarded. At least that's the promise anyway. The problem with all of that is, there are always those who are going to try and buck the system, to rig it, control it, manipulate it, do anything and everything they can to get ahead without paying the price or worse still, make other pay for them.
That's where places and groups like Bureau 13 come in, they keep the scales balanced and try to keep clean while doing it, and they get the bad guys and take them down, while keeping the good guys in check.
Everyone has a history, an origin, a story, life doesn't just happen in a box, it's made of moments, a series of moments chaining together effecting every moment that comes thereafter. They are filled with emotions and experiences, of happiness, sadness, anger, rage, and hate, moments of triumph and revelation, revolution and change.
We look back on our past and wonder what happened? And look forward to our future and wonder what if? Always treating the present as a transitory state from one to the other never stopping to take a look around and wonder where we are and who we are with.
This is a story about one fox, whose history shaped him into what he is today. It is one of violence, sadness and more than anything, pain. Pain over that which we cannot control but blame ourselves anyway, the pain of the spirit and soul, the pain of the past and of the untold future.
Life it seems is not without its irony, for the very things that are meant to kill us ultimately make us stronger, and the more we think we've succeeded the more we are surprised upon realization that we've gone nowhere and we are right back where we've started, older perhaps wiser but ultimately traveling the same path over and over. The players change but the play stays the same.
Chapter 1: Everything old is new again.
Zootopia…Savannah Central…Downtown
The dive that Kaiden had found himself was the right amount of dinge and dirt, the TV covered in a thin layer of film displayed the news updates between the long periods of exhibition of the current in season sport.
Kaiden didn't really care for it; it had been a long time since he enjoyed the more mundane activities of taking in a ball game. A small collection of shot glasses lay in front of him like a pattern of dead soldiers on the battle field, an image he was all too familiar with.
Trying his best to imbibe as much mind numbing intoxicants as possible to hopefully numb the pain, the memories were always there but sometimes if he drank just enough, the pain would go away for a while.
Getting down to the end of the bottle "Bunnyburrow's finest Whiskey", he carefully poured the last of the wonderful liquid into the glass, taking great care not to spill a drop or leave one in the bottle.
He grasped it in his mechanical paw, which was covered in the artificial fur that the Bureau insisted when out in public. It itched like hell against his shoulder every time it moved; it would create static cling on dry days and stink of ambient sweat and mech fluid on hot days. He hated it, uncomfortable against the skin and a constant reminder that he was seemingly unreal, like an unreal creature masquerading as a fox.
He held the glass up to his eyes and stared through the brown liquid watching as the bar light above glinted through its presence, creating a window into a brown whiskey colored world. He held it close to his lips, his nose twitching as he picked up the sweet yet woody scent of it.
He whispered words too soft and muddled to be coherent and then placed the glass to his lips, closing his eyes and slamming the liquid into his mouth. Arching his head back and swallowing as the powerful flavor hit his throat and tongue. He huffed at the burn which was slight now because of the numbness of his state and the regularity of his use. Placing the glass on the bar with a slight tap, he backed off his stool and stood up.
"Heading out, K?" asked a female cheetah behind the bar.
"Yeah Jordan, I think I've killed enough of your whiskey bottles for one night."
"Yeah, you really should cut back, ya' know." She suggested.
"Wise words, I will when I can."
"Yeah sure, you always say that." She said with a small grin.
Jordan Chea was an ex-Bureau 13 operative who had retired citing "mental fatigue" as a reason, but Kaiden suspecting it was because she just wanted out, this life can be hard and not everyone can tolerate it at all, let alone at length, eventually everybody stops and asks "Have I given enough?" Jordan must have answered 'yes'.
Talmadge was fine with it, she had put in her time, she had worked hard given more then she got and did her duty. Sometimes it's better to acknowledge your limits then push it and end the real reason, Kaiden understood.
He stood off his stool, careful not to lose what little balance control he had, grabbing a small pawful of beer nuts, he chewed a few in his mouth as he headed for the door. Kaiden was lost in his thoughts not noticing the surly bunch of zebras coming through the door, accidently bumping into one of them.
"Hey fox! Watch where you're going." The lead zebra fired off.
Kaiden simply nodded slightly and turned to continue.
"Hey Chomper! I'm talking to you."
"Hey guys, why don't you come to the bar, I'll get you a drink." Suggested Jordan.
"Just a second, we got something to settle right here." Said the lead Zebra holding up a hoof.
"So like I said, Chomper, why don't you get back to your hole that you crawled out of?"
Kaiden still said nothing simply looking at them chewing the last of his beer nuts in his mouth. Simply grinning ever so slightly.
"Get a look at this guy, you some kind of yokel or something, your mother fucked a cousin or something?"
Kaiden simply turned to glance at Jordan over at the bar and then back to the Zebra.
"Oh shit." She muttered as he placed her paw over her face and shaking her head.
It was raining outside when a zebra burst out the door with Kaiden following suit, two of his pals were already unconscious on the floor inside, two others followed their tossed friend. Every participant some level of bloody. Kaiden decked the standing Zebra on the chin knocking him to the ground. Kaiden grabbed and approached the lead zebra and held him against the wall of the bar.
"So I'm a yokel?" he asked.
"Look fox, I'm sorry, just let me go."
"Why should I, you're just a rude piece of shit."
"Fuck you."
"In fact I could do the world a huge favor and just take you out of it."
Kaiden had extended his combat blade out of his fore arm, which tore through the fake fur covering, the sight of this caused the zebra to freak out.
"What the fuck are you?!" he screamed.
"I'm just some yokel right, isn't that what you said?" Kaiden replied with a small grin as he lightly touched the blade edge to the zebras throat.
"Look man, I'm sorry, just don't fucking kill me fox, please!" He apologized then pleaded.
"I'm fucking sick of you, day in, day out, doing this and that, working my tail off just so pieces of shit like you can throw it all away and for what? Some sense of control over your lives."
"Well maybe I sacrificed too much huh, maybe I just want some of it back. I just want….." he stopped as if mentally finishing the statement
"….is that so much to ask?" he asked openly.
"Look fox, I have no clue what you're on about, just let me go."
"Kaiden!" shouted a voice behind him.
He turned while still holding the Zebra and saw Jordan Chea come outside.
"Kaiden, let him go, what the fuck is the matter with you?"
The surly fox opened his mouth to try and answer but the sound of a distant siren coming closer suddenly faded in.
"Shit, Kaiden, someone must of called the fucking cops, drop that asshole and get out of here." Jordan demanded.
Kaiden retracted his combat blade and dropped the Zebra, he stepped back as if realizing what he was doing.
"Oh god ,J, I'm….sorry, I'm…."
"Just get the hell out of here please, I don't want to bail you out of jail…..again." she said angrily.
"And you three, grab your two buddies and get the hell out of here." The cheetah demanded of the Zebra herd.
The three remaining conscious zebra went to grab their buddies, while Kaiden stumbled away. The sounds of the sirens getting closer.
"God damn it Ellison, run!" she called out.
The fox looked back seeing the telltale glow of red and blue glowing through the pouring raindrops. Kaiden picked up the pace trying to run but stay on his feet. Fighting back some of the inebriation he managed to get off the street and down a side alley. The sirens getting closer, he made his way to the next street over and into some hiding.
Being chased, a feeling he hadn't had in a long time, his mind focused on trying to get away, the irony of ironies, the predator was now the prey. The distant thought of realization of that just a number of many things that crossed his mind, funny how when we are trying to concentrate on keeping upright, and evading capture that the minutiae of such things crosses our brain.
Kaiden had made it several blocks, the sirens seemed to stop, convinced he evaded them he slowed down, and started to walk in the direction of his apartment. He got another block back towards his apartment when he crossed an alleyway, stopping for a moment and turning his head, it was a squad car, possibly the squad car sent for him. The fox went wide eyed and he took off running across the street and down the alleyway, the car turned its sights on and sped after him.
Kaiden was breathing hard, the alcohol making movement, breathing, even just thinking difficult, he took a left down another side alley, the squad car followed. The old fox found himself at the end of the alley, a dead end; he clawed at the brick trying to find some hand hold as the squad car rolled up on him, shining its spot lamp on him.
Holding his paws up in the air, he turned slowly placing his paws on his head. He stepped towards the light its brightness blinding him, not seeing the nearby pile of trash bags he tripped and stumbled onto the ground. The rain hitting hard on him as he lay on a bed of full garbage bags, a form crossed in front of the light and approached him. It got closer, and took shape and definition, it approached and through his blurred vision and foggy hearing.
"Kaiden?" the figure asked.
"It's ok, it's me…Judy."
The fox passed into unconsciousness.
Later…
Nick and Judy had managed to get Kaiden's unconscious body into the back of the squad car, what should have been a simple task became a herculean feat because of the added mass of Kaiden's metal limbs. They drove in the direction towards his apartment.
"So…what do you think it is?" Nick asked.
Judy didn't answer at first, simply concentrating on driving.
"Carrots?" he asked, reminding her that she hadn't said anything.
"I'm not comfortable guessing." she deflected.
Judy would occasionally look back when she was at a stop light to check Kaiden, she could see his muzzle twitching occasionally, uncomfortably, as if being chased or remembering an unpleasant memory, experiences she was sure he had on many an occasion.
"So how did we know where to look?"
"Kit called me, told me where to find him." she replied
"Any reason why tonight especially?"
"I don't know, he just said that Kaiden shouldn't be alone tonight."
Nick raised an eye brow to that reply wondering what made tonight different than any other. They eventually made their way to Kaiden's apartment building. The apartment building itself was like many in this section of the city, the brick fascia hiding the steel and concrete beneath. They managed to get some sense of consciousness from Kaiden as he muttered incoherently, the two hoisted him on their collective shoulders, more Nick's then Judy's and dragged him inside. Thankfully the lobby was empty with the exception of the curt night manager, who muttered some musings of being inconvenienced but had helped the two get Kaiden into the elevator. The old fox finally coming to on the ride up in the elevator.
"Wha? Huh? Where am I?" he asked still drunk and groggy.
"We're taking you home." Judy replied.
Kaiden managed to stagger to his feet, holding the side of the elevator for support. Finally it came to a stop at his floor. They stepped out into the hallway, an area carpet ran the length of the wood floor, they walked down the hallway eventually stopping at the door "11-3" and Kaiden reached for the number panel typing his door code.
The sound of a metal locking mechanism releasing and the door slid open to the right. Judy took wonder in the "niftiness" of a sliding automatic door. Kaiden stumbled in, the window blinds started to open automatically bathing the residence in an orange glow from the city lights outside, creating a film noir effect as the blinds receded into their housings above the windows. Kaiden's place was illuminated by just the light from outside, thus explaining the blinds. Kaiden's apartment was considered small by housing standards but for the lack of furniture there was a lot of unused space. A small couch and coffee table, a nearby wooden table with a single chair, with a small assortment of hobby work upon it, and a large flat screen TV mounted on the wall. And boxes, mostly still packed looking as if Kaiden just moved in.
Without saying a word he rounded the corner and into the next room, Judy followed while Nick stayed panning his head around looking at the place. Kaiden quickly went to the bath room shutting the door, Judy catching a glimpse of several medicine bottles on the shelving, all she could manage as the door quickly closed. The sound of the lid lifting, and the watery splash of stomach contents and gagging.
Judy winced feeling sorry for the fox, she could do nothing but wait, she looked around the room, a low profile queen sized bed, a dresser on the opposite wall, a desk with a computer in the corner opposite the bed, and more moving boxes.
"Hey Kaiden?" she called.
"How long have you lived here?" she asked.
A bout of coughing paused long enough for an answer.
"Two….years." he managed to answer before succumbing to another vomiting fit.
'Two years' she thought. 'And he looks as though he moved in yesterday.'
Judy could hear the clink of glass from the other room, she went back into the main room to find Nick cleaning a few counters off. Judy could tell he was clearly disturbed by what he was finding.
Judy walked over just as Nick was nodding his head at yet another empty liquor bottle.
"What's wrong?"
Nick pointed to the tall kitchen trashcan that he just filled up almost exclusively with empty glass liquor bottles.
"I just never noticed that he had this problem." He explained.
"I know. In all the times we've been with him, I've never seen him even take a drink." She replied
"Yeah well, fluff, if that wasn't bad enough."
Nick had grabbed and offered a smaller plastic grocery bag that he was using to throw away smaller items. Judy took it and peered inside, she was shocked to see what was in the bag, taking out one of the many empty prescription bottles. Judy read the drug names on the bottles though they were different they had two qualities in common, they were all prescription pain killers, very high powered, and all the doctor names on them were the same "Dr. Joseph Boyd". Nick looked at the bottle in Judy's paw.
"Wait…Isn't that the Bureau 13 doctor?"
"Yes…yes he is."
Judy squeezed the bottle in her paw, thinking back, how many times she saw Kaiden popping pills, chewing them like candy. She thought back "It was for the pain, he said."
The silence was broke by the sound of the flush of the toilet and the expected squeak of the faucet being turned on.
"You never suspected anything?" asked Nick.
"No…he kept to himself for the most part…maybe that should have been my first clue." She replied.
They hadn't heard Kaiden come out of the bathroom, rounding the corner, holding the doorway, he simply stared at them.
"I'm sorry for troubling you." He apologized, the burn of the alcohol and stomach acid still very much in his mouth.
The duo dropped what they were holding and approached him, Judy stepped forward and offered a paw.
"We're not angry, but we want to know what we can do to help?" she said.
"Well maybe she isn't angry but I'm pissed off as hell." Corrected Nick.
"Nick!" Judy chided.
"Come on Judy, all this time we've been putting our lives in the paws of someone we think is stable only to find out he's anything but."
"Nick we've all got our problems." She replied looking for some kind of sympathy from Nick.
"Judy…trust me I've dealt with people like this before, you can't get mixed up with them."
"That's heartless. You can't just abandon a friend like that."
"Hey I never said I was perfect Nick, in fact everything but, I never said I was an angel." Kaiden interrupted.
"Oh come on, don't be melodramatic, I know people got flaws, but god damn, these are some serious issues."
"Nick, stop it! Be a bit more sensitive." She demanded.
"No it's alright Judy, he's right." Kaiden interrupted.
Kaiden walked to the couch, and sat down.
Judy and Nick came around as Kaiden simply stared into space, his tongue lolling around in his mouth.
"He's absolutely right."
Kaiden turned to Judy with a look of shame.
"I am a drunk and a drug addict." He admitted.
"…And in many ways a workaholic."
"I do these things to myself because I can't face the truth."
Judy placed a paw on Kaiden's shoulder.
"What truth?"
Turning to face away from her then back at the coffee table, his eyes slowly welling with water.
"That my wife is gone… and that is was directly my fault."
"I thought killing Jarod would finally give me the retribution that I had been working so hard for."
"And yes, while killing him did feel good at first… I realized it didn't fill the hole that already existed in my heart. It didn't bring me peace and now…"
Kaiden winced, taking a sharp sniff at tears rolled from his eyes.
"What?" she pressed.
"I've been thinking…" he stopped hesitating.
"it's ok, you can tell us." She consoled.
He took a breath and evened out his expression.
"I've been thinking of just ending it." He admitted.
Silence filled the room, Judy and Nick were taken completely by surprise, wide eyed, the shock of it. She didn't know what to say, what could she say? At first she did not believe those words just came out of his mouth.
She gathered her wits and refocused her attention; she crouched down and turned his head to face her.
"Why, dear god, why?!"
"Because there's nothing left, nothing left worth living for."
"Yes there is!" she exclaimed.
"Look at me Judy." He held his mechanical paws in front of her.
"I'm not even real anymore, I'm a puppet, a science project, a dead fox being kept alive by machines. All I would be doing is finishing the job."
Judy snapped, she grabbed his head and push him back in the couch, getting nose to nose with him.
"God damn it Kaiden! You're not dead, you're alive, and you're my friend, a dear friend. And I won't stand having you hurting yourself like this. I love you, WE love you, All of your friends love you."
"If it wasn't for you Nick and I would be dead right now, do you understand that, dead! We are alive because you were there, and I'm not going to sit here and let you contemplate suicide!"
Judy hugged his head, placing it close to her chest; this whole thing was surreal, like she stepped into an alternate universe. She couldn't believe that the stoic and sturdy fox that she knew was falling apart like this.
'Was this a long time coming or did something set him off? Could it just be the booze or the drugs making him so open.' she wondered.
She could hear and feel the soft sob of him in her chest. She turned her head to look at Nick, he had his paw covering his mouth and a bewildered wide eyed expression, just as much in disbelief as she was.
After a few minutes he seemed to calm down, and the soft rustle of his breathing against her chest piece filled the silence.
She finally let him go and sat down beside him, she was clearly sullen, Nick still unsure what to make of all of this, but a glance from Judy told him they were going to be a while, so he joined her on the couch, sitting next to her.
"Look I'm…I'm sorry" she winced, a little bit of water pooling in the corner of her eyes.
Kaiden turned to look at her with a curious expression.
"Why are you sorry?"
"Because I neglected you." She replied
"What are you talking about? You can't blame yourself for me." she responded.
"I said I was going to help you, but that was six months ago, I got so wrapped up in…."
"Judy, I made my choices such as they are, they are my sins not yours." Kaiden interrupted.
"I know that, but I still feel as I should do….something, anything." She replied.
"This isn't something you can fix Judy, what's past is past." He explained.
"I could….we could listen, if that will help."
Kaiden turned to Judy, with an almost sarcastic grin.
"You want to hear my story?"
"Mmhmm" she nodded.
"What about you Wilde?" Kaiden looked up at the younger fox.
"Hey where carrots goes I follow, so if it's alright with you, sure."
Kaiden looked back at Judy.
"I'm afraid."
"It's ok, we're here for you."
"That's not what I mean."
"I mean, I feel that after this story, you won't see me the same way anymore, that learning the truth about me, you might decide you don't want to be around me anymore." He admitted.
The two looked puzzled as if needing a quantifier to that cryptic statement.
"I've done things….very bad things, things I'm not proud of….things that still haunt me."
Judy placed her paw on his.
"Whatever it is Kaiden, we'll face it together." She replied looking into his sad eyes.
"Ok." He whispered.
"I guess like any story, I need to start at the beginning."
"I was born in the little town called South Bunnyburrow, and if you think where you lived was hick town, you can only imagine how much more hayseed where I lived was…." He started.