Where everything goes down the drain...
When Christian came back from his trip I was on the brink of telling him about EE. Weirdly he didn't catch the meaning behind my encoded messages. But after the first wave of panic had passed I realized telling him would only worsen everything. He would explode and take matters into his own hands. Making the whole thing decoil into a grand disaster.
So I kept quiet. I just hoped the situation with Jack would end soon and we could go back to where we left off.
I suggested that we keep a low profile and strictly stick to our official dates until we can get a clearer picture. Weirdly Christian didn't argue with me. On the contrary he thought it would be a good idea not to take any more risks until Jack was sorted out. He set Taylor on it to investigate with Welch.
Still, to say that Christian was tense would have been an understatement. He was brooding, moody and more closed off than I have ever seen him. No dates. No messages. No intimacy under the week.
It is another heavy weight put on top of our already tense relationship. Surely the lack of physical closeness was paying its toll on him?
It's Wednesday when I get a call from Hannah.
"Hi, Ana. Feeling better already?"
"Not really. What's going on?"
"I have some very bad news…"
"They're not firing me?!"
"No. Quite the opposite but more on that later. Besides wouldn't HR call you instead of me?"
Hannah easily gets sidetracked while talking.
"Eh, Hannah? What's going on?"
"It's Jack. He's been in a car accident."
"Okay." I have to say I couldn't care less.
"He seems to be in a critical condition. He might not make it."
"Oh my God! How? When?" Well, now I do care. That sounds horrible.
"A few days ago. Everyone in the office knows, it's just we thought he'd be out of the hospital soon."
"How serious?"
"I've heard he's in coma."
Holy shit!
"Listen. This might seem inappropriate but I wanted to let you know they've given me his job temporarily and you'll be my assistant for the time being."
"Okay. Sorry, Hannah I just need to process what you just said." A few days ago? „How did it happen?"
„He was going home from work on his bike. Someone crashed into him and fled."
This can't be! Please tell me this isn't what I think it is.
„So nobody knows who did that?"
„I guess not. The police says it might have been a drunk driver. Or maybe drugs were involved. Who knows."
„Thanks for calling me Hannah. I think I need a moment to.. „
„Yeah, sure. I didn't know you were so close to him." She sounds worried.
„I wasn't. I mean. I'm not."
I can't remember what the worst time of my life was up until now.
But Jack's doings has set loose a wave of happenings that are about to change our lives. Or in his case end his life. I've seen enough criminal thrillers to know that this can't be a coincidence.
We'll take care of it.
Claire!
We decide to meet in a restaurant not far from my apartment on Thursday night.
Claire is a middle aged copper haired woman, slightly overweight. I have to admit I imagined her differently. More like Christian's assistants in immaculate suits.
I notice that two casually dressed men are accompanying her with some greater distance. We sit down at a table while those men sit further away in the corner. Watching us.
"Didn't know, you'd bring company." I say.
"Ignore them. It's good to see you in person."
"Why are we meeting again?" The corner of her mouth twitches at my rather rude question.
"I felt there were matters that needed a personal approach. Talking over the phone can be so.. Sterile." And recordable. Anxiety fills me. What is this meeting about?
"What have you done to Jack?"
Claire takes a look at the menu.
"Let's order first, shall we?"
We do order some food, to me this is extremely inappropriate regarding the fact I might sit in front of the person responsible for Jack's situation.
I just stare out of the window, seeing as people walk by, living their ordinary lives while I'm sitting here. Cleaning the mess I have made.
"Thanks to your information we did find out that Jack Hyde was indeed blackmailing you. I wanted to apologize for jumping at you."
I'm stunned to say the least.
"So you decided to put him in coma?"
"These news are very unfortunate but I can assure you we had nothing to do with it."
"Do you think I'm stupid?"
"No. I think you're smart enough to know what knowledge could possibly harm you."
"What do you want from me?" I mean she was the one that called me yesterday. She suggested that we meet in person.
"Nothing in particular. I just wanted to check if we are still on the same terms."
"Same terms?"
"You know…Showing up for the job. Keeping your information up to date. Not dating any clients.. "
They know! All the color drains from my face. The waiter arrives and puts our plates in front us. Claire begins to eat her pasta while I sit there. Frozen. Unable to speak or move.
"How?"
"You weren't really trying, were you?" Actually we were trying to keep a low profile… for the last week. In hindsight it was pretty obvious when looking a little past that. I can't believe what Jack has set loose with his attempt, not only ruining his life but also making EE suspicious of my actions.
"How many of those have you assigned to watch me?" I say nodding over to the gruffy looking guy.
Claire begins to laugh as if I have said something utterly stupid. "It's the twenty first century. We have algorithms for that."
"Are you going to fine me? Again?" At this rate I might be in debt. Just like Christian told me..
Claire takes a sip form her wine.
"You're not the first girl to cross the line. And you won't be the last."
"Why can't you just let us go?" No need in hiding at this point.
"Listen, Anastasia. You have to trust me here. I'm just trying to protect you. Those people I work for are ruthless." What does it even mean?
"What is it that you want?"
"Leave."
"Okay. I will."
"No Anastasia. Not EE. You have to cut ties with him."
"We won't.. I can't."
"That's not up to you." She spits.
"What are you even suggesting? I'll quit. Right here and now. I'm done playing your games. I pay whatever fine you have in store for me. And that's it. You can even go ahead and make my profession public. I don't care anymore."
Claire is quiet for a while, assessing what I've just said. I'm fairly surprised by my own outburst.
"I didn't want to go to these extents. But you better take this." She leans down to get her bag, pulls out an envelope and slides it towards me.
"You can't persuade me with money!" I say and push it back.
Clearly unnerved, Claire opens the envelope to reveal several photographs. Without a word she lays them out in front of me.
"Oh my God." It's Christian. Climbing into his helicopter.
"Getting those pictures was fairly easy. Now imagine how easy it would be to take a look at one of the helicopter engines?"
Is she for real?
"You'd sabotage your client's helicopter? What kind of bad business is this?"
"Helicopters crash all the time. Did you hear about that famous basketball player…? Tragic, wasn't it?" No way.. This can't be…
"Are you insane? All of this, only to keep me away from him?"
"Don't be silly. We have a business to protect. It's more about setting an example."
I'm speechless. How cruel are these people?
„That's all you want?"
„Basically yes. And continue working of course."
"I'm going to the police! You can't do this!" I stammer.
„Sure you could. But first.. with what prove and second…at what cost?" I feel the heat rising in my chest. Panic. Anger. Fear. „The decision is all yours."
Stay. Or leave.
He comes home later than he normally does. And he's tired. When he sees the packed bag in the hallway he stops in his tracks.
"Going somewhere?" He eyes me with suspicion while loosening his tie.
"I've been waiting for you. Why didn't you tell me you'd be late?
"Since when do I have ask for your permission to come home late? And what are you even doing here? Didn't we agree to stick to the weekends?" Without looking at me he passes beside me to head to the kitchen, rubbing his face in frustration. It looks like he's wrestling for composure.
„Ana, I had a hell of an evening. Elena- My dinner didn't go as planned. Please give me a break." If I wasn't about to do the worst thing in my life I'd comfort him. Ask him about his day and see what has been bothering him. But funnily enough I'm about to push a dagger in his heart before leaving for good.
„Okay." I say and stand on the other side of the kitchen island.
„So what is it with the bag?"
„I'm leaving." He doesn't show a particular reaction to that. Normally he'd be so sensitive to whatever I say. He's clearly bothered by something. „For good."
Christian looks up from the drawer he had pulled open with a mixture of confusion and fear.
„What do you mean?" he says while approaching me with swift steps.
„I mean what I said. I'm leaving. You."
„You're breaking up with me?"
„Yes."
„What?! " he grabs my shoulders. I cannot look him straight in the eye.
Remember why you're doing this. Remember the love you hold for him. Remember that all of this is your fault.
„What is going on?" he tries to stroke my cheek, I pull away.
„I've had some time to think about us. I just can't do this anymore."
„Why Ana? Why now?" It hurts me to know that he imagined other times to be more reasonable to break up with him. The amount of self hate he holds inside his locket heart is unbearable. Only worse that he let me into his fortress and I have to destroy it from the inside.
„Christian, just leave it. We're highly incompatible in every possible way and the last few days -weeks- have shown me just that.." There will never be a future for us.
„Ana, I know this whole Hyde business messed with you but I promise I will find a way for us to stop him." If he only knew. I still haven't told him about EE and I didn't tell him that Jack's in coma. And I won't tell him that he could be the next one if I didn't oblige.
„No! It's you Christian that's messed me up. I need to focus on myself before you ruin my life and my career."
„What?! Is this about me buying SIP? I told you I won't interfere." Oh God why is he so persistent. He's making it even more painful than it already is. Who am I kidding. We're talking about Christian. He won't just back off. „I know we've had a rough patch these last few months..." He tries to reason with me.
Him asking me to move in. Miami. Overstepping the line while trying out our kinks. Leila. Elena. The proposal… He's right and so so wrong. The last few months were rough but nothing we didn't overcome as a couple.
„You cannot give me what I need!" I try a different route.
„What is that?" he asks.
„It's too late to ask that now."
„Ana, I don't get it. We've talked about all our needs and wishes in the past. Not once did we not do what you wanted." He has a point here. My defense is getting weaker every minute.
„I've never loved you Christian. This was all just pretense."
„I don't know what is going on but I don't believe you." The fury in his eyes scares me.
„Maybe I could have fallen in love with you. But you're too intense. Too overwhelming. Asking me to marry you was the last blow."
„That was weeks ago. Why bring that up now?"
„It's not worth putting up with your shit anymore." He flinches at my cursing.
„You said you'd never leave me…" I can hear his heart break in the way he says those words.
„I would have said anything for you to keep me."
"Please don't do this, Ana. I can change. Whatever it is, I will do it for you." It hurts too much to even think about what he said.
"No. Stop. I don't want to hear any more." I can see the tears forming in his eyes. Long gone is his fury, his rage. Everything that's left is utter desperation. I take a deep breath. This will break him. And me. But I don't have a choice.
"Now that I've exceeded my goal, I'm just going to quit EE and get ahead with my life."
„What goal?"
I don't answer. If I say this out loud I put the nail in the coffin. I have to accept that I'm letting go of the love of my life. For good.
„Money?" His voice cracks. „All of this because of my money?"
I'm slightly disappointed that he catches that so quickly. Doesn't he know me at all? But then I'm putting on a hell of a show right now.
Before I burst out crying, I grab my bag and head for the door.
For once he doesn't follow me.