Review Answers:-
Gwynx, SenseiZero72, Shadowgear1004, FateBurn, JustBazik, Zet4, Gilgamesh50, Yay-man, sithoh:- Thank you for your kind words of support!
Guest, DivineBahamutXZ:- Thanks for the Zelretch lore, I appreciate it a bunch! Also, I'm pretty sure Nasu physically cannot write a Fate Moon VN protagonist without giving them enough trauma to put an [Ionian Hetairoi] worth of therapists a run for their money. Shirou, Hakuno, Shiki, the Aozaki sisters - you gotta get through the suffering first, to get to the harem, I guess! And trust me, there will be major changes to the canon of Grand Order because of Protag-kun's actions, so hope you look forward to that!
TetSuoRai, Xavier Arias Gonsalves:- These wannabe heroes really need to learn how to read the fine print before signing shady contracts with entities beyond human comprehension, for the sake of achieving a larger-than-life goal.
Kleave guy:- Fujimaru (Gudao/Gudako) Ritsuka; The embodiment of "suffering from success".
Ghosted11, TheMist33, GodOfDeathAndUndeath:- The "Garden of Sinners" or "Kara no Kyoukai" series is a real good show of how much unlocking one's Origin can fuck you up, both in body and mind. Sure you might get lucky like Shirou and Shiki and become overpowerd as fuck (Void Shiki is so damn broken that she can literally reset the universe with just a thought - She can just casually activate Creative Mode whenever she wants and the only reason she doesn't is cause all she wants to do is nap. Goetia wishes he was her) but there's a far more likely chance of you going crazy and losing any and all chance of living a normal life. Also Merlin shenanigans are fun to write and I'm glad you're enjoying it! If she can't unlock Ritsu's Origin, at least she can do something about his inner sadist, I suppose. All Servants better watch out, a new [Beast] has been relased into the World!
syneb:- Honestly fair, I knew that I was probably packing in too much info at once. But I wanted to get it out all at once and set off with the flow of the main plot again, so I hope you enjoy this chapter more!
Haloman6494:- Finger guns really are cool, Yu Yu Hakusho honestly is something I still look back upon fondly. You've got good taste, Sir/Ma'am/Non-binary pal!
Pannenkoekenrage:- Each of your corrections feel like an injection shot - I know it's good for me, but it still stings when it is registered. Though I really appreciate you going through the effort to go though and pointing out the grammatical/spelling mistakes in my writing. I would be extremely grateful and flattered of you choose to continue doing so - I will try my best to pay back your efforts by pumping out the most of my writing juices and write up a good story!
Glad to see that the Merlin interactions seem to have landed well in general, I was a bit skeptical that people might not like my take on (the currently) her's character - I'm happy to see that nobody seems to have any complains so far! Honestly, having someone willing to play along with Merlin's pranks and take them in stride, while also massing back with her in turn is something I was hoping to see in canon. But as they say, if you want something done well, do it yourself! And as for your idea/wish of a Merlin and Ritsuka bonding moment... well I suppose you might find this chapter to be particularly enjoyable if you are in the mood for wholesomeness ;D
And now without further ado— Please read on and enjoy!
"Luck, fate, coincidence, destiny. It doesn't matter which it was - But what matters is that you have been blessed by this opportunity. The opportunity to be a Hero, a champion of justice, and fight for the sake of the world and its people! To defeat evil and save millions while leaving your mark on human history for your posterity to gaze upon your countenance with admiration and awe for generations to come! To be able to touch so many lives with... just your own... —Huh?"
In the middle of her grand and inspiring speech, Merlin suddenly stops. And she simply stares at me with wide eyes as she slowly processes my answer, seemingly forgetting completely about the rousing pep-talk she was just giving me... And I stare right back, my own expression completely neutral. Quite a contrast when compared to the absolute confusion that currently shapes the flower magus's face, which almost makes me let loose a snort.
This staring contest between us goes on for a few more seconds before Merlin finally brings a hand upto her face and holds her chin, before nodding solemnly twice and speaking to herself.
"Hmmmm, how interesting." Looks like she's finally come to a conclusion. Well, this'll be good! "Looks like even I, the immensely skilled and accomplished magus Merlin, can mess up my shape-shifting once in a while! I must have made some kind of blunder while I was making this body, specifically in my ears, which led to this temporary bout of me mishearing Fujimaru-kun. Hmmmm, indeed, that must be what has happened~!"
"Not humble in the slightest, I see. Just as expected from someone like you. *Haah...*" I let out a sigh in response to Merlin's bragging, but my mood immediately brightens in anticipation of what her reaction is going to be to my next words. "Now, now, O great magician, living in denial is not good for one's health, you know. Disillusionment is not a good look on you— Don't worry, your ears are working perfectly fine, Merlin-chan~!"
I gently chide the half-succubus and deliberately make sure to speak her name as sweetly as I can to inflict the most damage. And it works as expected; and I get to watch Merlin's expressions twist rapidly as I try not to crack a smile and break my expressionless mask, but it's difficult— It's feels practically cathartic to be on the other side of this dynamic for once. No wonder Merlin likes teasing so much - This shit is fun!
Damn, maybe I am an S... Oh well, let's keep the self-reflection and character study for later. Let's answer the magus first. Poor Merlin looks like her eyes are about to pop out from how comically wide they are as she stares at me.
"You heard me correctly the first time, Merlin-chan~~, I simply said that I don't want to be a Hero."
"Oooooh I see. I see, I see. That makes sense... NO IT DOESN'T!"
Awww, don't lose your cool and ruin this moment so soon; I still want to tease you some more! But if Merlin can telepathically read my thoughts, she decides to readily ignore them for now, in favor of loudly and vocally proclaiming her shock and confusion at my decision. "WHAT IN AVALON'S NAME DO YOU MEAN THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO BE A HERO!? That— Wha— Huh—– How— ...WHY!?"
"Eh, just read the fine print for the gig, and the terms and conditions for it seem pret~ty crap. So thanks, but no thanks, I guess." I shrug casually as I answer, causing Merlin to somehow trip and stumble on her feet while standing completely still— And I can't help but feel that I'm somehow simultaneously making the best and/or the stupidest decision of my entire life.
But even if it's the latter, it's completely worth it to have caught this infernal prankster off guard for once. Pick your jaw up from the ground, Merlin-chan, a flower petal might fly into your mouth, you know!
"... I don't think I have been this surprised since that time I returned from a lengthy trip to Avalon only to find everyone in Camelot was cursed by an aggravated bwbach púca, or a 'Brownie spirit' as they are more commonly known as, into singing from sunup to sundown. That certainly was a hoot in more ways than one. Ah, good times, even thought that was probably the only time I have ever been punished for a prank that I hadn't committed." Fondness and shock lightly gilds Merlin's tone in equal measures as she continues. "Now please elaborate on your words, Fujimaru-kun. Enlighten me, what exactly makes you think that being a Hero is such a bad idea?"
As much as I would like to know more about this silly scene that the flower magus just described and just how well King Arthur's knights were at singing, I choose to focus on the more serious aspects of this conversation first. And I have only a single answer in response to Merlin's question, and I see a look of genuine confusion on her face after the shock of my reveal passes away and she regains her bearings. A simple, straight-forward, and to-the-point answer, that I am sure will explain more than any amount of words I may try to use and articulate my point. Three words, that prove to me without a doubt that being a "hero" is the last thing I, hell, the last thing anyone should try to aspire to be in this particularly twisted world.
.
.
.
"Emiya - Motherfucking - Shirou."
"Hmmm, I suppose with your particular affinity, having visions of Servants pasts while in close proximity with them is not such a strange phenomenon to have occurred." Merlin's voice is a nonchalant purr, and this time I am the one who is gaping at her.
"... Really? That's all the reaction I'm going to get for that grand reveal?!"
"Oh, I am certainly surprised by you possessing knowledge you have no reason to have," Well then, please sound suprised as well! Dramatic reveals like that are not easy to pull off you know! "But I think we have already established about the many peculiarities of the Mind and Soul, and the nature of Imaginary Space. If my guess on what your Origin is correct, then it is hardly going to be the last semi-prophetic-deja-vu-esque dream you're going to be having any time soon!"
"Hm, thanks for the heads up." I don't even bother to question how she knows that I saw the vison in a dream. She's Merlin. I think that suffices as an answer for anything she does.
Merlin claps her hands together and flashes me a smile so bright that it could be used in a toothpaste advertisement. "Let's focus on other questions first. And to get the more surface level ones out of the way first, tell me, Fujimaru-kun:- Is the natural state of the soul quiet, or chaos?"
"...Oi, I thought I was going to be answering the simple questions first?"
"Fufu~ Indeed, it was a trick question! A Merlin joke, if you will— a little bit of fun and levity before our conversation takes a turn for the heavy!" She smiles once again, softly curved lips that bare no teeth. Also if you were curious, the answer is that the soul is in truth transient, like shifting water. Remember my lesson about Souls, Fujimaru-kun, it will aid you and your companions in the coming future."
And with that ominous bit of foreshadowing out of the way, Merlin immediately launches into her next question, not giving me any time to properly ruminate over what she just insinuated.
"But what about the fame then, Fujimaru-kun? The glory, the recognition, the respect that comes from being a Hero? No one ever wants to be forgotten to the sands of time, and what better way to have you legacy remembered that by saving the whole world?!"
"Merlin, you deeply underestimate my lack of ambition. I don't give a shit about being famous; Saving one single person is enough for me. As long as I can protect the ones in front of me, I will be satisfied." I don't bother lying or trying to sugarcoat my words, I simply speak the first thing that comes to mind.
"That's a good answer. Quite a selfish one perhaps, but good none the less. Somebody less magnanimous than me might not find your way of thinking quite admirable," Merlin smiles in an amusement, and leans in an an almost conspiratory manner as if sharing a secret with me. "But truth is… I can't say we're entirely dissimilar. I, too, can be rather selfish at times. Fufu~~"
I simply raise an eyebrow at her antics and settle on her a deadpan stare. "That is the least surprising fact that you have imparted upon me in our whole while speaking."
Merlin reels back as if struck and grabs hold of her chest as she gasps dramatically in mock-hurt. "The savagery! The cruelty! Not a shred of decency remains in this modern generation of men. Barbarians, I say! Not a single gentleman amongst their lot, barbarians all of— Oww!"
I cut her spiel off with a well-placed karate to the top of her head. Good to see that the ancient art of the *BONK* is effective against ancient-annoying-fairy types. "Get back on track already, we don't have that much free time to be goofing around any longer."
"Mouuu, spoilsport..." Merlin pouts and grumbles as she rubs the top of her head, but dutifully gets back on track quickly. "Now to get to the more heavier questions, Fujimaru-kun. Why should I give you strength?"
Well, I asked for her to get on track, and she obliged. So now its my turn to answer with all my heart and soul. Here I go! "I want strength, and want it now. Not to save the world, but to save Mashu. To save Olga, to save Fou, and to save the two Assassins who have helped me out when I was in trouble. I never, ever want to feel that helplessness again. That sickening weakness that resulted in me simply staring at the back of my precious Kouhai, someone who looks up to a hopeless person like me, walked on towards certain doom because I was not strong enough to face it in the first place. I want—no, I need strength. I need power, if I wish to face the overwhelming odds that I will have to face on this quest of mine, and I am willing to do practically anything to achieve it. To ensure I don't have to feel that helplessness ever again. I have sworn to myself to survive, and that life— If that if the end result of living life as a hero, then forget it! I don't care if it's selfish, if you think that I am going to sacrifice my life over some stupid abstract concept or noble ideal or something stupid like that, then you are sorely and completely wrong! "
"Then why do you refuse the Sword? Why choose to do things in such a difficult and roundabout way, when the surefire way to gain power is right there? Accept your role of a Hero, and gain strength by walking down that path of a champion of justice who fights for the World and has it's support?"
I look deeply into her eyes, but Merlin's expression, for once, is completely unreadable. Unlike how animated she was in our earlier conversations, she is like an unfeeling statue now. She simply stares at me with a slight smile one her face, but I cannot decipher what she it means or what she is thinking—is she angry at me? Judging me? Looking down on me? Simply curious about my decision? Does she truly want to know the reasons for my choice, or is she asking for some ulterior motive? I hate that I cannot tell, but that doesn't matter right now. If this is the time of our parting, I do not want it to be on such a note after all the fun we had... but that doesn't change what I need to tell her. What matters is my honest answer. The truth and only the truth—it's the least she deserves after all she has helped me.
"Walking down this path, choosing to be a Hero... I cannot accept it for the simple reason that I do not have the strength of mind to sacrifice one for the sake of a hundred. Because when it comes down to it, and I know it will come down to it, and I have to choose between Mashu and the world? Between any of my friends' lives when compared to an unknown mass of people whom I do not know and have no connection to? I will never sacrifice those who are close to me. It is greedy and selfish beyond belief; but that is how I have chosen to live my life. How Fujimaru Ritsuka has chosen to live his life! And if becoming an ally of justice means I have to choose something other that the wellbeing of my friends, even if it for the sake of the very world I live in, I reject that path and everything it stands for in its entirety no matter how noble it may appear!"
.
.
.
... Is it just me, or did her smile just widen by the smallest margin? But before I can decipher whether or not I simply imagined that to be the case, Merlin speaks once again. "Answer me this then, Fujimaru Ritsuka. You wish to gain power to save people. So does that not automatically make you a Hero and render this whole debate completely moot and a waste of time?"
"Hmmmm." I think upon the nature of the question posed to me for a while, and then I apply all of my brainpower and charisma to answer with the best of my capabilities, giving my most charming and eloquent answer.
"Yeeeeeeeeeeeee— Noooo— Weeeeelllll— Hmmm... Yesn't."
... Hey now, I said I would try to the best of my qualities! It just happens that I do not have a lot of it in the first place!
Merlin's musical giggle is soothing to the ears, yet doesn't help in decreasing even a small bit of the mortification I currently feel. "Is my question really that complicated, to beget such a... fluent and articulate reply~?
Oi, I can tell that you are making fun of me, stop it this instant! If you think I will not retaliate to this slander just because of your otherworldly beauty and cause seeing you laugh again fills my heart with a fuzzy warm feeling... You would be completely right, but still stop making fun of me!
"Don't underestimate the human capability of overcomplicating even the most simplest of issues." There you go, a witty one liner that doesn't embarrass me in front of the good-looking fay! At least Merlin's no longer laughing at me and is only shaking her head in an amused manner, so I'll take the win where I can get it.
"Essentially yes, saving a single person does make me a hero. But a capital H 'Hero'," I make sure to emphasize the word with air quotes as I speak it. "Is not that is it? That kind of Hero is not someone who is satisfied with saving just a single person, they must save everyone. No matter what the cost may be."
An image passed through my mind. A hill of swords with a broken man kneeling at its peak, one who's foundations where once built ground up from shining ideals that in the end rusted away into bitter regrets. A life one would hesitate to curse their worst enemies with, an eternal never-ending cycle of never ending limbo worse than any punishment the "Hero" would have found in any hell. An immortal existence of saving lives for the cost of one soul.
"The father was but a man pretending to be a machine. But the son... Emiya Shirou is naught but a machine pretending to be man—a sword with no purpose, a weapon with no will of its own. A single blade, that is made up of many swords. A 'Hero of Justice', he took on Kiritsugu Emiya's ideals like a mantle and followed them to an extent that should have been impossible for an ordinary man to achieve. But in a twist if fate, it turned out he was not just any ordinary man. Though that hardly surprised me, it only made sense for the man who captured Artoria's heart to be quite extraordinary. They parted as friends, but she never minded and neither did I."
Her words conveyed one thing, but her expressions showed a different story entirely. As Merlin spoke, I suddenly realized with a start that she was no longer smiling. Her face had gone cold, without a single emotion flickering across its surface. And that frankly was more jarring and scary than any emotion of anger would have looked upon her pale face. "For once, Artoria accepted herself and her past and I couldn't have been happier at how he changed her, and lifted part of the burden she carried upon her soul. She was in love, but she graciously accepted that the wrought-iron hero was incapable of loving anything accept this noble ideals, and she was content to watch over him from Camelot. I was pissed, but then again, with how much I have already meddled in her life I decided for once to stay my hand and respect her wishes to stay out of either of their ways."
"And once again I could nothing but watch, like on that day at Camlann, as my dear Artoria's face fell and her heart broke into a million pieces as the boy she loved slowly killed himself for the sake of his poisoned ideals, until finally Mister Hero was betrayed by not only his ideals but also the people her protected, and he finally sacrificed his soul for his glorious heroic pursuits."
The wind blew hard across the field of flowers, biting cold and chilling, a sharp its previous gentleness. It swept Merlin's hair in front of her face, concealing her face. But her words conveyed her feelings well enough, not to mention the flower petals that the wind brought to me and her.
They were crimson red in colour.
"For perhaps the very first time, my emotionless heart felt sheer rage at another person. My anger surged like a great flame, a burning hatred that I had never felt before in my millennia of existence. Seeing Artoria betrayed by one she gave her heart to, her suffering as she fought against the corruption of the wretched Grail Mud after being brought into this world once again, all alone once again and forced to face her own dark side while I could no nothing but watch again... It broke my heart."
Her eyes finally meet mine. Pink sapphires facing pools of chocolate and indigo. One pair cool on the surface, yet cracked internally. The other simply trying to not crumble under the heavy weight of expectation suddenly placed upon them. But the twin eyes stand strong. Not just for their own sake... but also to extend a helping hand to the lavender orbs that underneath all the hardness seem to be asking for a respite from all the pain. Searching for a thread of hope to latch onto... and who am I to deny her request, when I find myself in the perfect position to grant it?
"Tell me Fujimaru Ritsuka. Why should I dare hope that you would be anything different from the one human I cannot bear to watch?"
"Because unlike Emiya Shirou who was handed down his ideals, I choose to care about the ones I consider close to me. Yes, he too choose to embody his father's ideals, but he had nothing else to latch onto. But I can run, I can choose to let Mashu sacrifice herself for my sake and the sake of the greater good... But then what kind of a Senpai would that make me? Not a good one, let me tell you that! So I reject that reality in its entirety, and choose to instead protect her because that is what a Senpai is supposed to do; Be there to guide and support their precious Kouhai!"
"... WHY? Why, why, why, why, why!? Why do you continue to hold onto that girl with such ferocity? With such resolute determination, when you were forced onto the role of a "Senpai" by her with no consideration of your own thoughts?!" Frustration bellied her words as Merlin yells out to me, and I gladly accept those negative emotions. It's fine, if I can act as an outlet for those emotions rather than let them fester I'm her heart and hurt her so, I am glad to act as one. And with that out of the way, I wonder if a little provocative banter can do the job...
"The fuck do you mean no consideration of my own? I actively choose to embrace the role she puts upon me, it is a title I can reject at any point. But I don't cause I don't want to, it feels nice to hear a cute younger girl call me 'senpai' you know!?"
Merlin snorts at my words, and even though it is a short-lived moment and her face goes back to her previous expression almost immediately— It's a moment which makes me internally shake my fist in victory. Her previous bouts of frustrations directed at me, her laughs, anything is better than her otherworldly burning stoicism that she is trying to project. And now that I know that I can reach through to her with my words, it's time to get on the offensive!
"Why to I continue fighting for this girl I just met, you ask? Because that is the only thing I can do to keep my sanity. Protect Mashu's smile. That's something I want to do, not because it's the right thing to do. Simply because that is what will make me happy. So I am selfish and an hypocrite, and I am most proud to bear those title. I am no hero of justice, and nor will I ever be one. I just want to protect her. I don't care about being a hero. I don't care about saving everyone. But her... If I can just save the ones in front of me when they need help, that's enough for me. I am simply an enemy of evil; and that too simply for the sake of convenience, as evil currently threatens the wellbeing of my friends! And if the World somedays decided that my allies, my comrades, my precious Kouhai, are not fit to live in it any longer? Then I will gladly turn on the World and take on the role of a villain without a second thought."
Belatedly I remember that making promises and deals with fae hardly ever do well for the mortal in question. But the thought only makes me grind more. What's this shitty mage going to ask for, my soul?! Fuck it then, it will be a small price to pay, for the sake of returning a genuine smile to her face!
"Fuck the world. I'm can't save everybody, that's too big of a goal to focus on. Too impossible for me to try... I refuse to make the same mistake as a certain red Archer. But Mashu? I can see her. Her precious smile. I can hear her. Her musical laughter. I can help her. Help her achieve her dreams; I wish to stand by her side while I show her the brilliant azure sky and help her find her own self-worth. And most importantly, I made a promise to her. To never let her be alone ever again. So I will take a damn vow of celibacy before willing choosing to not do fulfill that promise! So tell me Merlin-chan, do you truly dare to watch over and give strength to an unreliable man like me!?"
... Merlin's mask finally breaks. She simply stares at me for a while with something akin to surprise in her slightly widened eyes. But soon that surprise changes into contemplation, as she closes her eyes and looks like she is thinking something over. And seemingly coming to a conclusion, she opens her eyes and looks straight into mine... Causing me to clench my fists and grit my teeth as I almost turn away from the magus so that I don't have to look at her eyes any longer. Oi, I thought we were going for a comedic-slash-uplifting bit here, what's with that unfair expression on your face?!
"I taste bile at hearing your words. I am currently feeling terrible anger coursing through my inhumane body, because you are forcing me to confront things that I would rather have left unsaid. Things that I would rather avoid and run away from, as per usual. For they cause me pain to consider— Because words are imperfect, and insufficient to explain what I feel. What I truly mean... but I am also immensely grateful— Because words are imperfect... but silence does not even try."
And then Merlin smiles, and it is like looking at the beautifully lonely and solitary moon in the pitch black night sky, seconds away from disappearing from sight by hiding behind a dark cloud with no knowledge on when it will show it's face again.
"... Congratulations are in order, Fujimaru-kun. It's no small feat to be able to leave an unfeeling and heartless creature like me who's incapable of feeling emotions, speechless from an overload of sentiments! Fufu~~"
"Is that so?" I barely manage to choke the words out in response to her forced cheerfulness. "If you really are as emotionless as you claim to be— How come you look like you are on the verge of crying?"
The only reply I get is a sardonic chuckle that holds more self-deprecation than I know how to handle... and I finally turn my gaze away from her by lowering my face and glaring at the flowers growing at my feet. I want to raise my head and look at her, but at the same time I cannot. I can't seem to find the strength to gaze into her lavender eyes - Those eyes that show such emotions that I don't want to face right now. The expressions on her face that hurts me, even though I should know better than to effected by a pretty face looking sad of all things in a situation as serious as this.
I suppose I should take this moment to appreciate Mashu's strength of mind and willpower. I understand her a little better now, as I too feel like my resolve will crack and I will go back on my decision if I had held Merlin's gaze any longer. And that thought just makes me grind my teeth together harder as I recall the complicated mix of expressions that I just saw on her face during the brief moment that I gazed into her eyes, and which she is probably still making.
Regret.
Pity.
Sorrow.
A brief bout of what almost looked like Anger... but not quite. And not directed at me. Followed by:
Understanding.
Grief.
Shame.
And then finally, the most prominent and painful to watch emotion of them all...
All-encompassing and crushing
Guilt.
"We are quite similar, Fujimaru-kun. I, too, am someone who prioritizes personal survival over all else. That's how I am here, immortal and injured, even as the world burns due to the immature tantrum of a Beast that knows no love. But take it from me: survival at the cost of eternal solitude is a pretty shitty deal—source: the greatest and stupidest mage to ever live, Merlin herself. So cherish your friends and those you have chosen to protect, for they are the reason you need to survive, got it? Simply surviving and truly living are two separate things, you know?"
You infuriating prankster! I am denying your wish here, you shitty magus! You should be mad at me, cursing me and hating me for not wanting to fight even though you have helped me so much, not... not looking at me with eyes like that! You should be snarling at me, not smiling self-depreciatively like you have already been defeated in the worst possible manner and accept it so willingly! I made that whole speech to make you hurt less, so why the hell are you still looking like that?!
Yes, I should know better thank you be swayed by an attractive face. And I do. But Merlin... is not just a pretty face. She is not just someone who is trying to seduce me or trick me for her own sake. Even if it is only for a temporary and short-lived reprieve, she still saved me from Berserker when it felt like all hope was lost. She calmed down my mind which had felt like it was on the verge of breaking from the stress and pain, and she taught me many things about the world and its magic unprompted. She offered me companionship and comfort in this bleak situation I have found myself in, and not once did she ask for anything in return—until now. And even then, she gave me a choice instead of demanding it as payment. This is her domain; in this land of dreams, she reigns supreme, and I am certain she has the ability to force me to do her bidding in one way or another. I understood that the moment I awoke, I knew it in the back of my mind almost intuitively— My instincts informed me of this from the very beginning.
But I never felt threatened even once. Even now, after I explicitly denied her - I do not feel even a shred of malice or any hateful emotion coming my way from the Magus of Flowers, that might indicate that I am in danger or that she is planning on harming me. That tells me all I need to know of her character.
From the first moment we spoke— She teased me, and flirted with me, and cracked jokes with me. Merlin laughed at me, and with me, and throughout it all... I enjoyed it. We both did. And that is what makes seeing that sad smile on her face hurt so much.
I simply can't think of her as an enemy, or as heartless, or as someone who I can casually ignore. No matter how much I try, not when she looks so sad at the words I spoke.
Because Merlin really isn't like that at all. Not someone who can laugh with me like that. Someone who can smile so brightly with me like that. Someone who can rage so fiercely over the feelings of a single girl. I absolutely refuse to believe her as someone uncaring or inhumane.
... Or at least not as much as she herself seems to believe herself to be those things.
After that exchange, for a while there is only silence between us, as the harsh winds turn gentle as they blow around us, almost holding a mournful tone as they pass through the flowers. But then I hear her steps, light and breezy but sounding almost thunderous in the current environment we are in. I still do not raise my head, but when the footfalls stop I am certain she is standing no more than a meter away from me and just out of range of my peripheral vison— And then, in a voice so soft that I only hear it because of the heavy and foreboding silence that currently surrounds us she speaks.
"If my father could see me now from his dwelling place in the gap between the Earth and the Moon, he would most certainly point and guffaw for letting a mortal affect me so..." I can hear the fondness in her voice as she speaks and I can almost imagine the soft smile that must be gracing her lips as she speaks. "The inhabitants of Imaginary Space and the Reverse Side often don't have set physical forms like you have bodies within the mortal realm. And so once they cross over and manifest in the Waking World, the phantasmal species need to squeeze their essence into a suitable shape. Full-blooded Incubi and Succubi, and mixed-blooded cambions like I are different though. We travel through and feast on dreams and thoughts and feelings, hence most have no set physical form while in the Walking World. So ephemeral that they can pass through the barriers en masse like nothing more than thoughts and errant breezes."
I look up briefly at the sound of shifting fabric, only to find the flower magus has extended an arm in front of her and is flexing her fingers, causing shimmers of light and soft feathers and petals to appear and dance her amongst her digits. However in contrast, her face is once again expressionless as she studies her own hand.
"But taking such finicky forms is difficult, particularly for the inexperienced and those too weak for proper skill or talent. Bones, muscles, joints, and intricate appendages such as fingers, all of these take both finesse and force to properly emulate," Merlin stares at her hand for a brief moment longer, as if lost in thought, before she drops it back to her side. A soft whisper of fabric as the sleeve of her trench coat briefly billows around her. "A tentacle is the easiest limb that can be materialized. No bones, no fiddly joints that must fit just so, simply a mass of undulating muscle. This is the shape that lower-level demons and extra-dimensional beasts will take, while something more powerful like Wraiths and higher-level demons of various mythologies can force a more complex form, even if still warped and ultimately not quite human."
... Yet, a succubus is a type of demon. And my thought immediately go to the one standing right in front of me who looks like an ethereally perfect woman. Merlin gives a soft melodic laugh, as if having read my mind form just my expressions. "And so taking this to its final conclusion, one someone smart like you seem to have already arrived at- Instead of fearing the eldritch abomination, be wary of the demon that can mimic human form."
Merlin smiles cryptically at me and me alone, as I am for once truly left speechless and unsure of what to say. What can I say, in response to such a fragile voice?
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"Fufu~ You really are one of a kind. Cath Palug truly did come in contact with that which is truly beautiful. He must have gained some of my own great insight when we here together! I am now certain that I can trust putting my friend and his wellbeing in your capable and selfish hands. For at least a little while longer look after him and make sure he doesn't get into too much trouble, I cannot truly intervene yet because I am still not done with my daydreaming. But I promise that I will meet you and your beloved Mash in person at the designated future, and so I humbly request that you two take care of my familiar for the foreseeable future~!"
"Oi, wait a second! That sounds like a—"
Farewell.
That was the word I wanted to say, but I get interrupted by a sudden gust of wind and petals, causing my words to sputter and to instinctively shield my eyes against the gentle assault.
But those words never manage to escape my lips and my sentence forever remains incomplete, as I open my eyes only to see twin infinite oceans of lovely lavender in which I can imagine myself drowning happily, as I feel something soft as the flowers around me briefly touch my forehead, causing a comforting warmth to emanate from the point of contact and course throughout my entire body in an instant. And then my mind finally catches up with the current events that are occurring and I realize what just happened.
Merlin just kissed me on the forehead.
The sword embedded in the hill glows gold, before bursting into hundreds of motes of light, which get blown away by a strong yet gentle wind. The stars that shine in the sky seem to twinkle brighter and brighter as they grow in size and almost completely envelope the darkness.
But the only things I can focus on is the lingering phantom warmth of her lups on my forehead and her eyes, looking at me with such gorgeous expressions... her beautiful eyes filled to the brim of relief and hope. And this single moment seems to make all the suffering I went through completely worth it, just to see Merlin smile like this.
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[Congratulations! You have gained 40 Affection Points with Merlin!]
[Congratulations! Achievement Unlocked:- Favor of the Kingmaker!]
[Congratulations! Gained Mystic Code:- Flower of Avalon!]
[A degraded version of Merlin's Noble Phantasm, Garden of Avalon. Using this magecraft reproduces the contents of the forever-sealed utopia known as Avalon, causing flowers to sprout along the ground and daylight to shine down without fail upon the land. When activated, the user is rapidly healed from any and all damage and their magical energies get fully replenished, being returned to their prime state. Merlin must truly trust and/or like you too impart upon you a gift like this!]
"Hundreds of times I have seen this film play out - A hero is chosen by fate, and in their journey to fulfill their destiny they do whatever must be done, and sacrifice whatever they need to for the sake of the World. But perhaps for the first time I am seeing such an exceedingly selfish casting for the role of the Hero... And for once I might not actually be able to predict how the ending will go~! And this... this fills my with both dread, and unimaginable happiness."
I want to retort to her words and so I try to reply. I try to curse, I try to sing, I try to say anything. I try to move. I try to raise my hand, to either head-chop the infuriating mage or feel my forehead and see what this feeling of... something growing or slithering upon my temple is all about. I try to do a lot of things, but I find my body not responding to any of my commands. Its like a blanket of drowsiness has suddenly engulfed me, and I can do nothing to stop it. My brain seems to be moving in slow-motion, and I can tell it is only a matter of time before I fall asleep.
"A liar, a cheat, a devil, a whore. I have been given many a terrible nicknames over my lifetime, and most of them were even quite accurate! But a devil... even the Heavenly Father was not so heartless as to cast Lucifer into hell alone. But what use is the devil's luck, in Paradise itself? Even Satan had his companions, his fellow devils to encourage him - but I am solitary and abhorred? But then again, my sins are many, yes, but is this punishment truly one that is just? What you described—someone who sacrifices themselves to save everyone—that's not the path to becoming a hero. That is the path to becoming a martyr. The path I set that once pure maiden on... and now here I am, attempting to do the same once again a thousand years later. Heh, I'm truly incorrigible, aren't I~?"
Hey, don't just jump to conclusions when I am incapable of arguing otherwise! That's cheating, you shitty magus!
As if sensing the emotions that I am sending her way, Merlin giggles and pats my head as she looks upon me with a fond gaze. "Fufu~ I know, I know. I'm spewing a lot of words and being quite melodramatic here, but let me have this for now please. You're not going to be remembering most of the boring stuff when you wake, and its not often that I can complain and monologue to a proper audience, you know? After that, I'll just do as I always do; disappearing almost completely from everybody's memory. Most other things, I can do without much of a fuss. But this alone, I can never get used to. Let me tell you, letting go is always a bitch. Even after a thousand years, it never gets easier."
Over the course of her words, without me even realizing how or when, I find myself resting upon the flowery ground with my head upon Merlin's pillowy thighs as she slowly strokes my hair. Damn it, this attack is too strong, how the hell can I resist my sleepiness with her acting like this?!
"I am flattered that you apparently still want to spend time with this old crone, but I'm afraid our time is almost up now," The silver-haired mage speaks as if directly answering my thoughts. "Dreams make good stories. But everything important happens when you are awake. Think of me as just a distant memory, a figment of your overactive imagination giving you the motivation to do what needs to be done. For your own sake and those you have chosen to protect. Oh, and also to avoid the extinction of the human race and stuff, that parts kinda important too, I guess."
Merlin shrugs nonchalantly as her smile turns playful and teasing. "But to quote a certain reckless non-Hero I've had the pleasure of conversing with, 'fuck the World cause I'm going to be too busy saving the cute girl!'"
Oi, don't paraphrase and make me sound like some kind of simping scumbag! Context is important for most of the stuff I randomly quote in the heat of the moment, you're making me sound way too much a selfish jerk here for my liking! And going by that cheeky grin, you clearly understand the effect it's having on me and are enjoying every second of it, you infernal prankster!
"The mystery of life isn't a problem to solve, but a reality to experience. Having eyes that constantly get sucked into echoes of the past, or get burdened by visions the future are both fates that I would not wish on my worst enemies. Mainly because I have some seriously troublesome enemies who would absolutely use such powers to cause me no end of problems before the mental/philosophical/psychological ramifications of such a power kick in!"
... Man, the world really must be ending. Merlin almost sounded like the proper sagely mentor she is supposed to be. Luckily she ruining the illusion by adding that second part before it became too convincing!
Merlin pinches my cheek, and even through my drowsiness I feel the sting. "Hey now, why do I suddenly feel like you just thought of something exceedingly rude about your wise and beautiful Merlin-onee-san~?"
... I would flick her forehead right about now if I could move my limbs. Damn you, Merlin, you win this round! I will remember this instance and hold this grudge close to my heart, and I promise my revenge will be legendary! Mark my words, O magus!
"Fufufu~~ The deepest truths, and the joys and meaning in life comes from experience them by living in the present, Fujimaru Ritsuka. And that is what makes you different from the heroes who only live to serve the greater future." Merlin finally lets go of my cheek and smiles at me. A smile filled with fragile hope, placed on a bet that might or might not be successful. But I have no intentions of causing this annoying yet beautiful troublemaker any more pain or disappointment.
"That is why you are not the same as Emiya, or even Artoria for that matter. And you can take my word for it too- I am the world's most prominent Kingmaker. I'd wager that my role and nature as a soft-handed guide has made me quite a good judge of character! For those whom the actions help, a person become their hero. And for others, a villain. Every hero is someone's villain and every villain is someone's hero. Because humans are dumb and can't seem to ever be able to decide on one single thing."
Merlin sighs, but her smile does not diminish. It's almost like looking at a pet owner looking upon their pet fondly as they do the same stupid stunt repeatedly, never learning yet somehow looking cute while causing mischief.
"You people are so, so dumb. But that's what makes every one of you humans so lovable in my mind. You lament the fate of being a Hero and refuse that destiny for the sake of your Kouhai— but you haven't yet realized that you have already become one, huh? Let me spell it out for you then Fujimaru Ritsuka, you already are Mashu's hero. Now stop lazing around and get out there to show that cute pinkette just how cool her hero can be!"
And that is the last thing I see, Merlin's smiling face and the shining stars that seem to erupt in the sky— Turning my vison completely white as I feel myself fall and rise simultaneously... and I instinctively know.
That the time of dreaming has ended. And the time of action is arriving.
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"Oh, by the way, here a little extra lesson in philosophy that's going to come in helpful for you, if you understand how to properly use it!" Merlin's cheerful voice echoes out of nowhere in the void. "The theory of fundamental good by chinese philosopher Mencius, which states that all humans are born with goodness in their hearts; And the theory of fundamental evil, that all humans are born evil. If one is the ideal, then the other is simple realism. Desire lies at the core of human nature, and humans are ruled by these desires, theory of Xun Zi. Thus, if a person does good, that is not their true self, but a lie. That was his theory. It would be a lie, a fake, and an act of pure hypocrisy. Artificial. And thus, by definition, deliberate. He said that all good is thereby hypocrisy, and therefore, it constitutes a deliberate attempt to be good. Got it?!"
... Good job completely undermining my dramatic farewell. Just come in and drop more exposition while you are at it why don't you, apparently there really is no hurry to leave this dreamland!
"Mouuu, don't be like that!" It's a testament to Merlin's character that I can somehow hear the pout she's making through her voice alone. "I'm trying to squeeze in every bit of the moment with you, who knows when we will get to meet again you know? So bear with it a bit longer, it really is time for me to say goodbye, so let me get my words out! I'm also playing wingwoman here for you, so a little appreciation would be nice!"
Hai, hai, Merlin-sensei is the greatest teacher in the world. Now get on with it, I've got a Kouhai to save here, and the world too if I get the time.
"Fufufu~~ Truly, you were entertaining to the very end... I should know better, but I suppose I shall take a page out of your book the. Just as you choose to hold your friends dear, I will also choose to believe in Fujimaru Ritsuka, Humanity's Last Master and the hope of human history! I, the one who watches throughout Heaven and Earth, will lend my power to the utmost; and then I entertain myself while relaxing and watching your adventures unfold! I have but a single desire— To carve open a path for your own destiny, and to watch you off as you walk towards the future, so that I can selfishly gaze upon the beautiful view that you, who carries the wisdom of the fool, will create!
Walk this path of hypocrisy with your head held high! I, who have lost both kin and kingdom, say this to you. I, to whom only memories and regrets remain... I say this to you. Be a fool, Fujimaru Ritsuka! What you possess is extraordinarily foolish, but I am certain that it is something precious and irreplaceable. I will watch your journey from the tower at the End of the World, until the day that the sky is no more. I want to see the end of humanity, but I want it to be a happy ending."
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... I can only faintly sense you now, you are almost out of the power of my domain. I know not of you can still hear me, but if you can... I have one final selfish wish to ask of you. Until the very end, ahe did nothing but endure and persevere. I should think that it's fine for her to be rewarded now, no?" I hear Merlin's faint whisper in an obvious tone. "Now I am certain that I can entrust her to you. Take care of her and give her the happiness that she deserves. That is the final request of an old immortal who has held onto their life for much too long. I entrust her to you, please... give her the life that I took away from her."
I recommend for you, the reader to play ( Fate/Stay Night OST - La Sola ) while reading through this section.
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It will remain in this world, this mask of thee, forever eternal...
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Arthur Pendragon.
The girl who finished her rite of passage would be known by that name from that day on. Not only in England—For one day her legend will have spread all over the world, gracing the ears of millions, if not more.
But before the birth of the Once and Future King of Britain, there was another in her stead. For in the time of chaos and strive, the King was forged in the flames of war.
But like how every magnificent and awe-inspiring lion was once a young cub, the King of Knights was also once inexperienced in the ways of a ruler.
Naught more than a pure and innocent maiden - She was once only a simple young girl who acted as the old and wise (yet snarky) Knight's stable-hand and successor; Who's greatest joys were taking care of the horses and frolicking around in the flower fields.
Often helping out in the nearby villages with her adoptive brother Kay (who grumbled and whined yet never left her side), she was seen by the villagers as a fairy sent to lessen the struggle and strive of the common people. No village festival was complete without her presence and no harvest season passed by where she was not gifted the most delicious of fruits as a sign of gratitude—
There were none who didn't consider her smile a beacon of hope. Her presence was akin to that of a beautiful flower, blossoming in everyone's hearts a delicate, yet profound ray of hope in those dark and trying times.
So what was it that caused that lily to wilt, and grow thorns instead?
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Unchanging and suspended, upon thy head, hangs this crown...
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It began with the demise of an empire.
An empire believed to be indestructible was only awaiting its destruction at the hands of invading barbarians. And to prepare for the war against these barbarians, the empire deprived this island country of any and all military forces it had.
That was the beginning.
Once her beloved country of Britannia had lost the empire's protection, it could not escape becoming independent, and it broke into smaller countries in no time.
The barbarian invasions.
Self-destructive strife between clans.
A long period of war, that would later be called "the Dark Ages".
She was born into this period as the heir to the throne.
It was a long period of chaos, but hope was not lost.
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Thou shall be the epic illusion, thou— shall be the longing of all actions...
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The Mage of Flowers had once foretold how the White Dragon, representing the Saxons, and the Red Dragon, representing Britain, would battle each other, and then afterward Britain would be united by a great ruler who would defeat the Gauls and Romans.
Uther Pendragon had believed in his court magus's prophecy and yearned for the birth of his appointed successor. The Incarnation of the Red Dragon in human form— A King who would unify the country and bring in an age of glory and greatness for the land of Britain.
But the child that was born was not the one the king desired.
The child was not a boy.
Even if the child was fated to become a King, he could not make a child who was not a boy his successor. The girl was instead entrusted to the king's vassals and was sent off into the countryside to be raised as the child of a mere knight.
The King fell into despair, but the Magus was delighted.
After all, the sex of the one who would become king had never mattered.
The Vagrant of Paradise was confident that the fact of the girl being separated from the castle until the day of the prophecy was proof that she would become king, and proclaimed proudly:
"I will properly guide this child, one bearing a great destiny, and protect her from the crisis of the royal family."
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Perpetual light (thou shall be...)
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She was taken to be raised in a town on the coast among green hills, where the wind raged and the sea bristled like the manes of a thousand galloping white horses. If one were to gaze at the faraway land from atop a cliff, they would see a long coast shrouded in mist, running as far as the eye could see. There, when she was five years old, the mage placed her in the care of the old man called Sir Ector.
The girl was adopted by him, and grew up as a squire and successor under this simple old Knight. Though the old knight did not really believe in the Mage's prophecy, he just felt the same air from the girl as he did from his king. So he felt he must raise her as a knight, and he wished for her to grow.
But the knight did not even have to wish for such a thing, as the girl trained day after day to become stronger than anyone.
If only a king could save a ruined country headed for death…
The girl swore to bear a sword for that reason alone, without ever being told so.
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Judgement! Defeat! For me, the one that no longer owns thee...
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And so, the day of the prophecy arrived.
Knights and lords from around the country gathered to be selected as the king. Every one of them expected the selection to be through jousting if the most superior one was to become a king. But the only thing prepared at the place of selection was a naked sword stuck in a stone. On the hilt of the sword was a golden inscription.
"Whosoe'er pulleth out this sword of this stone, is rightwise King of all England—"
Many knights grabbed the sword, following that command. But when no one present was able to pull the sword out, and the knights instead began the expected method of selection by jousting.
As the girl was only an apprentice, she was not qualified to joust. The girl neared the deserted stone of selection and reached out for the sword without hesitation.
"No, no. You should think things through before you take that."
When she turned around, before her was the most feared magus in the country.
The magus said… That she would no longer be human once she took ahold of the sword.
The girl only responded with a nod.
Becoming a king means no longer being human.
She has been prepared for that ever since she was born.
In short, a king is someone who kills everyone to protect everyone.
The young girl thought about it every night and shuddered until morning came.
No day passed that she did not fear that fact.
But the girl said that it would end this day.
The sword was pulled out as if it were only natural to do so, and the place was filled with light.
—And in that instant, she became something not human.
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Humanity will vanish, wrapped in such a fleeting shell...
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And thus was born the King, whose life and deeds would be akin to the grandest of legends.
Her gender was irrelevant. Even if someone were to notice, so long as the king acted as a king, it could not be mentioned. Moreover, her aging stopped once she pulled the blade.
Some knights feared it as ominous.
Some knights rejoiced at their king's eternal luster.
All of them followed the king's orders.
During that time, the people living in fear of savage invasions only wanted a strong King, and the knights would only follow an excellent commander. Having met these criteria, no one questioned her.
She secured her strength and rallied followers for ten years, among them such storied knights as the Knight of Unwavering Loyalty, Bedivere of the Silver Hand, the Knight of the Sun, Gawain the Golden and Gallant, the Knight of the Lake, Lancelot the First amongst Knights, and his son the Knight of Heaven and the Falcon of Summer, Galahad of Revelations; Who would go on to become the first members of her legendary and fabled Knights.
She led her kingdom from Camelot - the final bastion against the Saxon invasion of the once Briton lands, which was built with the help of the fairies in the ruins of Londinium. The High Seat of High King Arthur from fifth-century Britannia and the capitol of his kingdom Logres. The ideal royal court which stood for justice and enlightenment right as the world was plunging into the so-called Dark Ages. It's from here that the Fellowship of the Round Table ventured forth on their adventures to fight evil and right wrongs
The battles of the new King and her Knights were the acts of deities of war.
The King always led from the front, but none of her vassals or retainers were ever concerned.
For no enemies could stand in her way.
She was considered fair and selfless, as she always stood at the front of the army while defeating her enemies on the battlefield. While many enemies and civilians died, the king's choices were always considered correct, and she served as the king better than anyone else. No one doubted or had any need to doubt as long as the king was right.
Arthur, the god of war. Who's sword cleaved through her enemies like divine judgment sent from up above.
There was no defeat for a body admired as a Dragon in human form.
Those were the days she ran through as the King.
She never turned back and was never disgraced.
Her army, knowing no losses, ran through the battlefield while defeating foreign infantries and crashing through numerous ramparts. Many people were discarded for her to join the battles, and all her enemies had to be defeated once she joined. It can be said that no knight killed more people than her, and she carried this burden in stride and never complained even once.
She defeated the Incarnation of the White Dragon, Vortigern, and the invading Saxon armies and brought about an era of peace and prosperity by uniting her beloved country under her rule.
For ten years and twelve battles, she knew only victory.
Only victory... tainted with bitter defeat.
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Glory will burn life apart, such crystal clear and limpid virtue in myth...
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It was common practice for the military to meet its needs by sucking all the resources out of a local village to supply the battle to protect the country, and she did this many times without hesitation, for it was what was expected of the King. For she forever remembered the words of her mentor:
"A King is someone who kills everyone to save everyone."
She strictly kept to the oath that a king is not human and that one cannot protect the people with human emotions. She never narrowed her eyes in grief while sitting on the throne for anyone's plight, and she settled every problem while working hard in government affairs. She managed to balance the country without any deviations, and she punished people without a single mistake.
Even after, or possibly because of, winning all battles in victory, commanding citizens without disorder, and punishing hundreds of criminals, and never once making a mistake by letting her emotions affect her judgement while governing her kingdom; one of her knights murmured:
"King Arthur does not understand human feelings."
It is possible everyone felt that way, that the more perfect she became as a king, the more they needed to question her as a ruler. They felt that a human without emotion could not rule over others, leading to several reputable knights leaving Camelot. She simply accepted this to be a natural event that is part of the process of government, isolating the fair king honored by her knights. Having abandoned her emotions from the start, she did not change her mind even if she was abandoned, feared, or betrayed. There was no right or wrong for someone who saw such events as trivial.
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Thou shall no longer bear mortal fragility...
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A tragedy where no one was right and no one was wrong.
The fall of Arthur's kingdom was such an affair.
Excalibur's scabbard was stolen while she was repelling an assault along her country's borders; when she returned inland, she discovered Britain is being torn asunder by civil unrest. Despite her valiant efforts to placate the dissent, she was mortally wounded by the Red Knight of Treachery, Mordred, during the Battle of Camlann. Staring at the countless dead of her countrymen, she reflected on her personal failures, regretting her life as king. Lamenting the ruinous end of her kingdom, she appealed to the World; and Alaya answered.
In exchange for services as a Counter Guardian after her death, she asked to be given an opportunity to seek the Holy Grail to save her country. Accepting that contract, this led her to be frozen in time and space on the Hill of Camlann as she was summoned countless times to every age and all eras in pursuit of the Holy Grail; falling into an infinite loop of hell, from where there can be no salvation forever.
And thus, she continued her fight.
Though she was tired beyond belief, she continued to fight.
Even though there was nothing more she wanted to do than rest, she continued to fight.
So heavy was the burden of her regret—so heavy was the weight of the guilt she carried at the end of her life for having let her beloved country and treasured comrades down—that she chose to fight. Even though she finally had the chance to step away from the hell that is the battle field, she chose to fight—to erase the existence of the very same reign she led as King, for she could no longer believe herself to be worthy of the title of "King".
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No more intimate companions (no more concealed glances...)
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After she was raised as the king and fulfilled her obligations as the king. Forever, she strived to be better— To create the perfect kingdom. The perfect reign where none of her subjects would ever have to suffer again. A country where none who followed her would ever have to cry again. And it was this dream, this perfect ideal, for which she was willing to sacrifice her very humanity.
To become a perfect King.
But in doing so, the idealistic young girl - Who loved horses and flowers, and her brother's terribly unskilled wooden carvings was buried under the weight of obligation and was forever hidden away.
That innocent maiden, who loved the act of helping others and who longed for adventure, was forever submerged in the vast ocean of her duty – A single beautiful blossom that was crushed underneath the weight of Kingship.
The Lily that never got the opportunity to Bloom.
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Condemnation! Defeat! For me, the lonely one who has thee— no more...
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The view of her life and past remained unobstructed for my eyes, ignoring the laws of time and the rules of the World.
All of it that was secondary to me as I watched that tragically beautiful King, that young idealistic girl forever chasing after her every-distant utopia. Burying her heart to act as a perfect ruler, with admiration and antipathy she tried her hardest to be perfect for the sake of her people.
And I felt my own heart slowly shatter, as I watched her efforts go unrewarded until the very end. Never being enough, never matching up to her own golden standards. Never fated to have a happy ending— Forever trapped in a purgatory of her own making.
I watched her life play out. Victory after victory. Tragedy after tragedy. Her strengths, her weaknesses, her acts of bravery and honour and chivalry, her heartless actions as a warmonger, her good, her bad, her regrets, her pride. Everything was laid bare for me to observe, and observe I did. I felt the memories enter my mind as much as my entered the memories, and I accepted them with open arms. I watched, and I learned, and I empathized, and I understood. Just what I needed to to. What I wanted to do.
And as I felt the connection between us solidify, I made just a single promise as I watched her tragic yet beautiful life pass, and I grasped hold of a delicate hand made up of whispers of hope and dreams and the soft, warm, golden light of the dawn, and pulled her into existence and to my side, as the words echoed in my very being until they were etched onto a part of my soul:-
"I will help her regain her happiness once again."
George R.R. Martin once said that authors are not architects, but they are instead gardeners. They plant the seeds and water it, but the plant has to grow on its own and the author is simply there to observe where it goes. And holy shit did I not expect the seed that was Merlin to not want Protag-kun to leave her clutches for so long! Makes sense I guess, that she had a lot to say after being alone for more than a millennia and stuff, but still! Come on, we've got the main plot to get to Merlin, you can't just randomly pop up out of nowhere and derail the entire story for almost three whole chapters!
This chapter turned out to be both fun to write and a chore at the same time. It turned out a lot larger than I had originally meant for it to be, but I wanted to get all the threads connected and tied up in a single chapter so that we can start off the next one in the midst of the main plot and our dreaded Heracles fight, so I hope you don't mind!
And as for her proclamation of making sure the MC forgets the embarassing (read: traumatic) parts of their interactions... well, let's just say she's not completely aware of some of the aces and defences that might be up our dear Protag-kun's sleeves...(*hint*hint*lookatPartnerSkills*nudge*nudge*)
Also, anyone wants to share what is their favourite Singular/Lostbelt is in Fate/Grand Order game? I wanna know what you people liked in particular about the story, that made it your favourite amongst the bunch. And if asking for one is putting on too much pressure, you can share your top three or so, I honestly love reading you people's reviews/comment! I would love to hear your thoughts on what exactly makes the story enjoyable for you lot, so that I can better my own writing and hopefully have you enjoy my stories as well!
Please leave a review sharing your thoughts about the chapter, it would mean the world to me; it's what motivates us writers to write more. Thanks for reading so far and hope you enjoyed it - Adios!