On Punching Gods and Absentee Dads

Enigmaris

Chapter 10: A Veil around the Starlight

Summary:

Harry and Loki finally begin to clear the air over Asgardian tea and biscuits.

Notes:

Hey everybody! Thanks so much to everyone who commented last week! I felt a lot of love and appreciation for Ron.

Chapter Text

Harry shuffled away from the door, letting it swing open so that his dad could come in. He knew he'd been acting like a big baby since their fight just after the flying contest. Tony had tried to bring food over and despite being absolutely ravenous Harry had declined, again and again. He didn't know why but the thought of eating right then in his self-exile made his stomach threaten violent protest. So he'd laid in bed and he'd glared at the too soft sheets.

And now his dad was here. Probably to yell at him for being rude to Tony, even though he hadn't been…at least not very much. And Harry was going to yell right back because his dad was a bully and maybe Snape had been right all along. Harry ignored how fond Loki sounded when he called him Starlight. That was just an anomaly. A trick. Harry looked down at his bare feet and wondered how long Loki was going to make him wait.

"Starlight?" Loki asked, his voice soft. "Are you okay? Is your scar hurting you?"

Harry looked up a little and felt almost scalded by the naked concern in Loki's eyes. He shook his head. No, his scar was fine. It had only hurt this morning because of the vision. The headaches he'd been dealing with for the past year had pretty much passed which was probably the best thing about removing the spells Loki had placed on him.

"I'm fine." He lied, ignoring the hunger pains in his stomach. Loki nodded and didn't push him.

"Would it be alright if we sat down then? Maybe we could talk over some tea?"

Tea sounded nice. Harry nodded and he found himself sitting back on the large bed. The room didn't have any chairs and Loki didn't offer to conjure any. Harry leaned up against the solid oak headboard with his legs crossed carefully. Across from him his dad sat, conjuring up some tea and biscuits from somewhere. At least Harry thought they were biscuits, they looked different from an anything he'd ever had. Carefully Loki pushed a plate of the biscuits towards him with magic so that they floated perfectly towards him. The cup of tea came next and Harry grabbed it and cradled it in his hands, careful not to crush the delicate ceramic. The tea smelt oddly spicy and aromatic; unlike anything he'd ever sniffed before.

"It's from Asgard." Loki told him. "From a plant that your grandmother grows in her personal gardens. It's supposed to be calming."

"Oh." Harry took a sip and made a small humming noise at the lightly spicy sweet taste. "It's good."

"I had hoped you'd like it. Your mother did as well." Loki said. "She really grew a taste for it when she was pregnant with you. Begged me for a cup every thirty minutes it felt like."

Harry looked back down at the light brown liquid, almost trying to read the settling tea leaves to find more evidence of his mum.

"You remind me of her."

"I do?" Harry asked, looking up from the tea and then regretting it when he remembered what exactly his eyes looked like.

"It's not just your eyes." Loki said as if he was reading his mind. "You have her heart. Your mother was kind and brave and fiery. I know that you are your own person but it's still nice to see that you took after her."

There was a naked kind of longing in the man's voice. Harry took another sip of the tea.

"You miss her?"

"Constantly. Today I couldn't help but wish she was here because I know she'd be able to help you better than I ever could. I'm afraid out of the two of us you might have gotten the shorter end of the stick." Loki gave him a soft sad smile and then picked up one of the biscuits. "You should try these. They're from Asgard too, one of my favorite treats. Don't tell Thor I have any, he always tries to steal them from me."

Harry took his advice and picked up a biscuit from the floating plate. He took a small bite and understood immediately why Thor would steal them. It was a flavor entirely alien to his tongue, but the soft, buttery texture combined with the combination of sweet and salty was delightful. Harry's next bite was significantly larger. Loki grinned and took a bite of his own.

"When you were very young." Loki said after swallowing his mouthful. "I had plans on how I was going to introduce everything from Asgard to you. I'd even gone so far as to write out the order of things so that every new step would be an exciting discovery. I know that things are different now but I do want to share everything that I can with you. Magic, Asgard, everything."

"Even if I'm bad at magic?" Harry asked, the few bites of his biscuit curdling in his stomach at the reminder of their conversation earlier that day.

"What?"

"You told me not everyone can excel." The man's face twisted for a moment before he took in a deep breath and spoke.

"I meant that not everyone can excel at tests." Loki corrected. "Sometimes written exams are the worst way to tell how well someone knows a subject."

"Oh." Harry took an awkward sip of his tea.

"Harry, you're an excellent magic user." Loki said. "And I'm not saying that just to say it. I saw you flying today, that takes a lot of skill."

"Flying isn't…it's just flying. It's not like potions or…or charms." Harry argued.

"Harry you used your magic today. When Clint was firing at you with those paintballs you were able to sense them coming well before what your mundane senses would've allowed you to. You were listening to your magic and reacting accordingly." Loki told him. "That takes skill and it is the mark of a true sorcerer. That same skill is what I use in my own battles."

Harry thought back to that and wondered if it was true. He couldn't recall casting a spell or anything. But if Loki was being honest then apparently he had done some sort of magic.

"I didn't cast a spell."

"No. It's a passive magic. It means you listen with your…" Loki trailed off at Harry's face and then he tried again. "Here let me show you."

The man put down his cup, it started floating in the air and spinning slowly on its axis, and held out his hands. It took a moment for Harry to follow suit, mostly because he didn't know if his cup was going to float too or not. Loki took his hands gently in his own and then asked him to close his eyes. Harry did a little reluctantly. Abruptly he felt something tingling in his fingers and he opened his eyes again to find that nothing had happened. He looked up at Loki who was smiling at him.

"Tingling?"

"Yes? What is that?'

"It's my magic. You're sensing my magic with your own." Loki said. "Later I can teach you more. This sort of skill is a gift Harry. With training you could sense dark magic in objects, and you could even be able to identify what sorts of enchantments are on an object. You'll be able to tell if something is hexed or potioned. Not everyone can do this and the fact that you figured out how to do it naturally, probably just so that you could better dodge bludgers is nothing short of phenomenal."

Harry suspected it wasn't bludgers but rather Dudley's fat fists that had facilitated that. But Harry didn't say so.

"You think?"

"I know." Loki insisted. "You are already very good at magic for your age but you have so much potential and that doesn't have anything to do with being a demi-god, you were talented before that."

Harry pulled his hands away and picked up the warm cup of tea. He wasn't sure how to respond to that at all so he just didn't. Loki didn't seem to mind.

"What did you want to talk to me about?" Harry asked.

"I wanted to apologize for today. I wasn't very…clear about some things." Loki said. "I'm not naturally very open about how I feel and what I think. I also didn't want to overwhelm you or make you feel poorly and so I hid even more than I should have."

"I don't understand."

"I didn't want you to do the flying contest." Loki said. "You're recovering from a serious case of magical exhaustion not to mention your healing wounds from the fight at the arcade. It was an unnecessary, stupid thing to risk your health on and I wanted nothing more than to pull you into a hug and tell Thor and Tony to go endanger someone else's child."

Loki's tone pushed a giggle out of Harry right at the end. He'd thought that Loki hadn't cared one way or another. Loki looked almost desperate as he continued.

"I know you've been on your own and I know you can handle danger." Loki said. "But that doesn't change that I'm your father, that it's my job to keep you safe and that you're 16. I want, desperately, to live in a world where you need me Harry. I know that you don't but…"

"I do." Harry said surprising himself and Loki.

"What?"

"I do need you." Harry said and then thought better of it. When he'd come out to New York it hadn't been because he thought he needed Loki. "Or maybe I just really want you? I'm not…"

"I want you in my life too." Loki finished for him reaching out and placing his hand over Harry's and giving it a squeeze. The man's voice was warm and relieved. "I'm stuck between trying to give you the independence you deserve and wanting to wrap you up so that you're warm and safe and happy. I imagine it's the same struggle a lot of parents face, our circumstances are just a bit more extravagant than most."

"No kidding." Harry huffed. He picked up another biscuit and ate half of it in one bite. "Is it normal to be hungry all the time?"

"I'm afraid so." Loki said, sounding very sympathetic. "You need to eat about triple what you were before. Asgardian bodies are much denser than a human's, you're putting on a lot of weight even if it doesn't look like it. Not to mention the amount of magic you have requires a lot of fuel."

That explained not only why his broom had felt different flying on as well as the constant hunger.

"Did you have dinner?" Loki asked.

"Uhmm…"

"Let me get something then, for both of us. I skipped dinner too I'm afraid." Loki said. "I'll be back in a few minutes."

Loki was true to his word, he apparated out of the room and came back in less than five minutes with two large plates of pasta. Harry didn't ask where he'd gotten the food. He gratefully took his own plate, the tightness from his stomach having mostly disappeared. They didn't talk until Harry had gotten through about half of his plate. Harry broke the silence this time.

"You bullied Snape." Harry said.

"Yes, I did." Loki admitted. "I know I sounded proud of that Harry but I'm not. I'm proud of many things I did as James Potter and those were what I was referencing, not my past with Snape."

"But why?"

"Why? He was a Slytherin and he studied dark magic for one. The war was terrible by that point and everyone was distrustful of everyone else. I saw Snape and I thought he was the enemy. A Death Eater in Training." Loki said.

"That doesn't mean you can just…"

"I know." Loki said his voice somehow both firm and tired. "It was wrong. That took me a long time to learn and your mother wouldn't have a thing to do with me until I got it through my thick head. Even though she wasn't talking to him anymore she still didn't like what I was doing to Snape. I grew up. I promise you I did."

"Why would mum talk to Snape?" Harry asked.

"They were childhood friends." Loki answered. "They grew up in the same neighborhood, Snape was the one who introduced Lily to magic."

"What?" Harry demanded flabbergasted.

"Oh yes. They knew each other before Hogwarts. Lily told me once they met when they were 9."

"But he's so…why would mum want to talk to him?"

"I take it you're familiar with Snape then?"

"He's my potions professor." Harry said. "And I can't believe he was friends with my mum."

"He was best friends with her for many years. They stopped speaking to one another after that memory you saw. Lily couldn't handle being friends with someone who would call her words like that anymore. He broke her heart."

Harry felt something like indignation rise up in his chest. No, it wasn't just like indignation it was exactly that. He slammed his cup down on the table.

"You mean to tell me he was best friends with my mum and he became a Death Eater anyway? What a prick!" And everything he'd done after? Snape was such an asshole! "That'd be like me becoming a Death Eater even though I'm friends with Hermione! How could he do that?"

"I don't know." Loki said, shrugging. "I never took the time to learn why the dark arts interested him so much, I didn't care. For me it was very black and white, he was leaning towards being a Death Eater and so he wasn't worth my time."

"Was it because of…"

"I would find it hard to believe that my pranks and bullying was what pushed Snape to it, but if it was then it changes little. He still chose to become a fascist. He still betrayed Lily. I assume since he works for Dumbledore that he's changed alliances if only a little."

"He's Dumbledore's spy for the Order. At least that's what I was told."

"Hmm. Well is he at least a good professor?"

Harry snorted at the very idea.

"He hates me because of you." Harry said. "So, he picks on me in class."

"I think he might hate you because of Lily too."

Harry lifted up an eyebrow and Loki leaned forward as if he was going to share a very funny joke.

"Snape and I saw each other as competition for Lily's affection, we both loved her in our own way. I know it's childish but it's the truth. If Snape hasn't grown up much he probably still sees it that way. Which means you signify that he lost Lily. Every time he looks at your eyes he sees Lily and it reminds him of his failures."

"Well…I don't know what I'm supposed to do about that."

"Nothing I imagine. It's his issue with you."

"All this time." Harry said shaking his head. "You know it's funny."

"What's funny?"

"He likes to call me Prince Potter."

They both started laughing at the same time at the very idea. Loki told him between laughs that technically he was a prince which just made Harry laugh harder. Maybe Harry should start wearing a crown? Did Asgardian princes have crowns? Harry decided to ask. His dad gleefully told him that they did indeed. He then conjured one for Harry to put on. It looked ridiculous sitting in his messy hair but that made it all the more perfect.

When they finally calmed down Harry found that he didn't feel as terrible as he had just an hour before. He gave his dad a smile and the man reached out and readjusted the crown so it fit better on his head.

"It looks good." Loki promised.

"It's silly."

"Yes, but you could work with it. Just pretend that it isn't and walk like a peacock." Harry made a face at the very idea which made his dad giggle just a little. "Not your style?"

"No way." His dad smiled a little and then sighed.

"I am sorry for today Harry, and well pretty much all of our interactions since Amora. I'm not as practiced as this as I need to be. Please forgive me for upsetting you."

"I upset you too." Harry said.

"Yes but I'm a nearly 2000 year old god who should know better by now."

"Do you often find out that your dead son is alive because he punched you in the face?"

"What? No of course not."

"Then how are you supposed to have known what to do with me?"

"Well I don't know I just should have."

"It's fine d-" Harry cut himself off. Loki caught the first part of the word and he frowned.

"You don't have to call me dad if you don't want."

"Do you want me too?" Harry asked.

"Starlight, I want you to be comfortable." Well nothing was going to feel comfortable at first for him. Harry just had to pick something and make it comfortable. "I don't want to pressure you either."

"What do you want me to call you?" Harry asked. He wasn't going to call the man dad unless he said so.

"Whatever you want." Harry gave the man a look which caused him to spasm a little before sighing. "Sorry, Harry. I meant to say that what you want and what makes you most comfortable is very important to me, but if I had to pick I'd want you to call me dad."

It sounded like that had been hard for the man to say, not that Harry could blame him. Harry was only good at saying what he really thought when he was angry at someone. Harry swallowed a little and decided to try it out.

"Okay, dad." The word felt very odd coming out of his mouth, like a slug was crawling out of his throat but the smile his dad gave him in response made it worth it. Harry smiled back a little and then grabbed his still floating cup of tea. He wasn't thinking of anything but the fact that he was allowed to call someone dad, a thought that was immediately dashed when the cup burst into a thousand tiny pieces from his grip.

Harry blushed and immediately began to apologize. Loki shushed him and snapped his fingers. The warm tea immediately floated off of his hand and the bed below and back into the reassembled cup.

"Still not used to the strength?"

"No." Harry said. "Everything feels so…soft now."

"I am sorry. I didn't even think about how jarring this transition would be for you, I cursed you with the worst kind of puberty." That made Harry snort which Loki, correctly, took as his forgiveness. "The best way to control strength like ours is to use it. For now, I know a few spells that'll protect things against breakage, I also know Stark has been looking for people to test his new inventions that are supposed to be able to withstand super strength. What I'm trying to say is that it's going to be fine. No one here is going to care if you break some things, or even tens of things."

"Okay." Harry said, feeling only slightly better about the fact that he could break bones if he wasn't careful. As daintily as he could he picked up his fork and scooped up more food.

"Are there…any other problems you've been experiencing with this change?" Loki asked. "I want to help you with this in whatever way I can."

"I…My magic's a bit more reactive." Harry said. "I'm kind of afraid of doing magic accidentally like I did at the arcade. I almost took out that whole building! What if I…"

Loki reached out and placed a hand on Harry's shoulder, it was an odd but still comforting weight.

"Starlight. I promise you that's not going to happen."

"How do you know that?"

"I know that because you are your mother's son. You won't hurt anyone that doesn't deserve it. Your magic isn't some foreign entity within you, it is you. It won't do anything that you would find horrific. I promise." Harry sniffed a little, wondering why his throat felt tight. Loki squeezed his shoulder a little. "Besides, once you're better you and I are going to do so much training together."

"Training?"

"Don't sound like that. Harry, you're facing a war." Loki said seriously. "And for that you need the training of a warrior. You have come so far on your own but I can help you build on what you already have. Starlight, the prophecy says you have to be the one to defeat Tom Riddle but it doesn't say you have to do everything alone. Please let me help you. I can teach you so much about magic and anything else you want to learn."

It was so different from Dumbledore. Dumbledore who had hidden things from him, who had kept the distance between them, had refused to help Harry learn everything. With Dumbledore is was just test after test. With Dumbledore Harry was constantly being ping ponged back and forth between life threatening adventures and wallowing with the Dursleys. Every piece of information Harry had ever gotten he'd had to fight tooth and nail for.

But here Loki was just offering anything Harry wanted like it was simple.

Was it that simple?

Could Harry just ask?

Would Loki just tell him?

It was a novel idea, really. The idea that an adult would just tell him what he wanted to know if he asked. He didn't need to break into the forbidden section of the library and flip through screaming books beneath his invisibility cloak. He didn't have to sneak around after hours and eavesdrop on conversations just to find out who was trying to kill him that year. NO more sticking his face in a penseive because he was just so desperate for a clue. He didn't even have to go down and trick Hagrid into revealing more than he intended.

How was he supposed to handle this? Part of him wanted to jump up and shake Loki until all of the answers to the thousands of mysteries he'd faced fell out of him. Another part of him felt like he could actually go on a Hermione styled rant, the one's she only produced when talking to adults she actually respected. Emotions roiled around him and he tried to force his mouth to work, Loki stared at him as Harry had an internal meltdown at the offer.

"Are you…?"

"Do you know anything about The Veil?" His voice cut over Loki's almost too loud in the quiet room.

Out of all the questions he could have asked, was it any surprise that he asked about Sirius first? Loki blinked a little before speaking.

"That name isn't familiar but! I might know it by another name. Can you tell me what it is, maybe what it does?"

"It killed Sirius." Harry said. "He fell into it when Bellatrix hit him with a spell and…he didn't come out again."

Loki's face looked pained for a mere moment before he swallowed it back, when he spoke again his voice was soft.

"If you want me to be able to tell you anything, I need to know what happened. I know it'll be hard but that's the only way."

Loki was right. It was hard. Harry told Loki the whole story while drinking copious amounts of the delicious calming tea. From their first meeting in Harry's third year to the disastrous 'rescue' in the department of mysteries. For Sirius' sake he also managed to briefly describe the connection he had with Tom Riddle through his scar. Loki listened to the whole story without interrupting, his face a study in compassion and empathy. Although at the description of his curse scar the man looked tempted to interrogate him. Occasionally as Harry revealed something particularly horrendous there was a shadow of rage but that was quickly hidden in favor of getting to the end.

By the time he finished Harry felt as if he'd run a mile through one of Thor's storms. He couldn't look at anything, but the tea leaves left over at the bottom of his cup. He thought he saw a bird and a mountain.

"Starlight." Loki said his voice serious. "Do you remember how to get to the veil?"

"Course. Why?"

"Because, there's a chance that Sirius is alive. If I'm right, the veil is a natural tear between two places, two realms. The only way to know is for me to see this veil myself."

"I'm coming." Harry said scrambling out of his bed. He prepared for the man to argue with him. Harry was still too weak to use his magic. Loki looked torn for a moment before nodding and getting off the bed as well.

"Okay, but we stick together and you're wearing some armor."

Before Harry quite realized what he was doing, he'd already rushed forward and pulled his dad into a hug. The man stiffened, probably due to Harry's strength but didn't hesitate to hug him right back. It felt much nicer this time around, being hugged by his dad.

"Thank you." Harry whispered.

"Of course, Starlight. Come on, Let's go save Sirius."