On Punching Gods and Absentee Dads
Enigmaris
Chapter 13: A One-Eyed Bag of Dicks
Summary:
Frigga is a very affectionate woman and Harry is a very confused boy.
Notes:
Hey everyone! So sorry this is a day late. I've been so busy getting ready for my two weeks of field research. I'm leaving for two weeks to hike through mountains to study basalt flows. I've had to do a lot of work to get ready. Also! Since I'm going to be hiking all the time I won't have internet access that means no update next week and the update after will probably be a day or two late!
Thanks for the amazing comments last week, they made me laugh so hard!
Chapter Text
"I believe." Frigga said, her voice deceptively calm. "That you owe me an explanation, my son."
Harry saw his dad swallow, his throat bobbing up and down. He looked at Sirius and they both seemed to realize the same thing. His dad was blanking. In the face of that much motherly rage he was choking. Harry looked at Sirius, urging him to do something. Sirius lightly kicked Loki which did nothing. He then looked back at Harry and shrugged as if to say that was all he could do. Harry sent a sterner look at his godfather who sent him a look that clearly said 'you do it, she'll kill me'.
"Loki." Frigga said. "There is a dead monster in my sitting room."
Oh no. She was stating the obvious in a way too calm tone. That was really bad, even Harry knew that. Loki's body flinched a little and Harry knew he had to do something. He scrambled up to his feet so that he was standing between his dad and his grandmother.
"Uhm…" He said. "Hello, I'm Harry, Harry Potter. Un…Uncle Thor told me a little bit about you, you're… you're Queen Frigga right?"
Her rage abated as she looked at him, her face abruptly turned from frightening Queen with unimaginable power to a soft unbearably fond woman that Harry didn't think had ever actually seen, especially directed at him. Let alone when he was covered in monster blood.
"I am." She said, her voice filled with affection and warmth. "But you should call me grandmother, I think. Tell me, Harry from what realm are you from?"
"I…uh…Earth? Or it's Midgard! Yes, you call it Midgard." Harry said nodding to himself, he decided that the truth was probably important to share here too. He wrung his hands together as he spoke. "I'm…I'm a demigod."
Frigga's face twitched as she looked over at his dad who had also gotten up and was hiding behind Harry like a frightened boy. Harry saw a snap of fiery rage in her eyes before it was forcibly doused. She looked back at Harry.
"You are so young." She cooed, stepping forward and lifted her free hand to gently touch the left side of his head. She was inspecting him, almost like someone would a horse they were thinking of buying. "Oh, you're terribly handsome beneath all this blood, I'm sure. You must steal the heart of every maiden you meet with eyes like those."
"No, uhm not really. I don't…I'm not very good with…"
"And so humble as well." She smiled at him before a worried frown came over her face as she looked down at his armor. "Oh one of those creatures got a bit too close didn't they? Let's see here what the wound looks like."
Frigga waved her hand and Harry found all of the blood on him vanished with a blue flame. She clicked her tongue and pushed Harry into a soft chair all the while muttering about how much of a crime it was that such a beautiful face had been marred by wounds. She ordered Loki in a very cold voice to call for some healers and guards to come look at Harry and take the corpse out of her sitting room.
Loki literally jumped to do something while Sirius got up to look over at Harry just as worried.
"That thing tried to tear your armor off. Did it get through?" He asked.
"Uhm. Maybe?"
"Help me take the chest plate off." Frigga said to Sirius who nodded and started working on the buckles on one side. "What is your name?"
"Sirius Black ma'am. I'm James', or rather Loki's, best friend." Harry blinked stupidly at Sirius, he hadn't even known that the man could be polite. Sirius gave him a look telling him to play along.
"You've known my son long?" Frigga asked.
"Oh yes, for over 20 years now." He said smiling. "There's no one I trust more than Loki."
"20 years?" She asked. "Oh I see, his trip to Alfheim, I suppose he spent very little time there."
Loki made a pained noise that was only half suppressed while Frigga carefully removed the armor from Harry's body. Frigga looked at the small puncture wounds on Harry's side with worry. A moment later the door opened and a bunch of people swarmed into the room. Frigga immediately straightened and began to command them with a calm voice that cut through the noise like an arrow.
She ordered healers to her side and told them to look at Harry and treat him. She ordered the guards to remove the corpse and the servants to clean up the blood. People scurried around and did exactly as they were told. Harry's wounds were cleaned and healed up as if they'd never been and the room was cleaned up, the only thing left behind was the sword his dad had given him which had been handed to Loki, shiny as if Harry hadn't even used it.
"There." Frigga said. "Now you and Sirius just sit right there while I speak to my son."
Harry exchanged another look with Sirius as Frigga turned her back to them and started interrogating Loki. Thankfully his dad seemed to have gathered his wits because he was actually answering her questions, even if he did look like his stomach had dropped down to his feet. Frigga was very, very angry with Loki. Harry had known on some level that his existence was taboo to Asgardians. Demi-gods had a bit of a reputation after all. But since Thor had been so nice to him he had just sort of forgotten about it.
On top of all of that there was the fact that Loki had kept so many secrets about his time on earth from his family, for decades. That wasn't something easily forgiven, unless you were Thor apparently, who took most everything Loki did in stride. Even Sirius had been more upset with Harry's dad than Thor had seemed to be. Frigga wasn't Thor though. Frigga was a mother, and mothers had the special ability to keep you in place with nothing but a stern look.
Frigga after learning the basics of what she wanted to know, who Harry was, who Loki had had a child with and when, and where they'd just come from and why, she began to lecture his dad. Harry looked over at Sirius and leaned to the side.
"What do we do?"
"Hope she runs out of energy before remembering we're here."
"Dad's in trouble."
"Trust me, pup. He's used to that." Harry gave Sirius an unimpressed look and Sirius sighed. "Okay fine, here's what you need to do. Turn on the water works."
"What?"
"Cry. Weep. Sob. Wail. Whimper. Howl. Snivel. Bawl. Where have I lost you kid?"
"In what world would that help?"
"In Asgard." He joked. "I'm serious. Just pretend to be upset about the fact that Frigga is threatening to punish your dad for creating you. If you cry she probably won't have the heart to go through with it."
And suddenly Harry realized that he was upset. Here he was, sitting in a chair on a planet he'd never once been interested in seeing, exhausted beyond all belief with the taste of monster blood still on his tongue. He hadn't slept in probably close to 20 hours and his body was sore and his magic weak. He was being ignored and sidelined by Frigga in favor of lecturing his dad. And for what? For finding a home and people who loved him when Asgard had made him feel so isolated?
Every protective instinct in Harry's body reared up as he listened to Frigga's lecture and looked at his father's pained face. He knew that Frigga had a right to be upset. Anyone would be if they found out that their child had lied to them about having a wife and son, having a whole secret life.
"I cannot believe that you would be so irresponsible as to…"
"To what?" Harry interrupted. "To find someone who loved him?"
Frigga froze and turned around to look at him. Harry was standing up looking hurt and upset and defensive. Her face immediately went from ferocious to sad, Harry swallowed.
"He was curious when he came to earth but he stayed because he found people who loved him for who he was." Harry said. "He met my mum and they loved each other so much and you're upset by that?"
"No, of course I'm not upset that he found love. That is what I want for both my children." She said. "But…"
"But what?" Harry asked. "He was happy and you're upset with him for trying to stay that way? Or…is it that you're upset that I'm half human?"
Frigga immediately looked regretful and stepped forward cupping his cheeks with her soft hands.
"Oh darling I could never regret a grandchild, no matter their origins. I'm sorry, I got carried away. I was so shocked but that doesn't make it better. I shouldn't have lost my temper."
That…that had worked? Harry almost couldn't believe it. He'd acted almost like Dudley sans the stomping feet and Frigga had just done what he wanted. Frigga looked at him for a long moment, her eyes fond.
Sirius was a genius.
"Loki." Frigga said, still looking at Harry. "I cannot keep this from Odin."
"Mother." Loki said. "Please. Harry isn't a threat to anyone, I won't see him brought before Odin as if he were a criminal."
"Do not worry about that." Frigga said smiling. "This is my grandson. I do not believe I will allow anyone to say a word against him. Let's get all of you cleaned up and looking proper, it won't do to visit the King of Asgard covered in blood."
Which is how Harry found himself taking a bath in Frigga's giant golden bathtub. He had refused help with the bathing but his dad had explained what each of the various bottles he'd been given did. Harry had to wash his entire body from head to toe. Frigga's spell had removed the most visible blood but the stuff had gotten into nearly every nook and cranny of his body. That wasn't even to mention how awful his hair was.
Somewhere nearby Sirius was also bathing. Frigga had immediately called for seamstresses and had started designing the proper clothing for Harry to wear. She looked delighted every time she spoke about Harry, like he was her new dress up doll but worse somehow. Harry got a sinking suspicion that by taking Frigga's censure away from Loki he'd taken the brunt of it for himself.
That fear was proven when he got of the bathtub and was accosted by the Queen of Asgard. She clicked her tongue and muttered about how skinny he was. Which…to be fair he might have been a bit on the thin side but it wasn't like he was starving. She kept telling him that he was a growing boy and that Loki must have been starving him, which was the exact opposite of the truth. Loki was the first adult who actively made him eat more than he thought he needed. Molly Weasley had tried but Harry, guilty about the burden he would be to an already struggling family, had resisted her attempts.
Frigga's forced Harry into three dozen different Asgardian outfits, and had him model each of them, until she decided on the very first one he'd put on as the appropriate one. Harry could hear Sirius snickering about that as Loki helped him get into something nice with far less pain. Frigga then tried to tame his hair despite Harry promising her it was impossible to get under control.
She kept patting and rubbing it down and when she turned her back it sprung up again.
The woman was free with her affection in a way Harry had never experienced before. Kisses on his forehead, cheeks, and hair were par for the course. Added onto that were the hugs, the cooing, the soft arm clasps, and her propensity for cupping his face and telling him he was adorable. Harry found the whole thing to be very disorienting. Touch was not something he was accustomed to and even though he knew to expect Frigga's affectionate touches they still made him feel like he'd been hit by a confundus spell.
It was obvious she liked him Harry just didn't understand why.
As Frigga dressed him up, she asked about his interests and his life on earth. He skipped over anything to do with Voldemort and told her about his friends and his magic studies. She praised him for his skills and talents and complimented his choice of friends. She called him brave and kind for defending her father and going out to save Sirius in that dangerous realm. It was weird, almost as if he could do no wrong in her eyes. He realized abruptly that maybe that was because he couldn't.
What did a boy like him do with knowledge like that?
When, after what felt like an exhausting eternity, Frigga declared him fit to be seen they all left to go to the throne room together. Harry finally managed to reunite with his dad who looked at him with gratitude and amusement. Frigga walked ahead of them, leaving them with a bit of privacy to talk.
"She's a force of nature." He said as an apology before Harry could say a word.
"Did you have to freeze like that?" He hissed. "I'm not a dress up doll."
"I will make it up to you." Loki swore. "Thank you for saving me."
"That's what family is for."
"The pup's right." Sirius said. "Now buck up James, your dear old dad isn't going to scare either of us off."
"You don't know Odin."
"Do you or do you not remember my mother?" Sirius asked causing Harry to giggle a little as he remembered that awful portrait in Grimmauld Place. "Trust me, we can handle it."
"I hope you're right." He said.
"Is there anything we should know?" Harry asked. "That you haven't told us?"
"Odin isn't the hugest fan of mortals." His dad said. "He protects Midgard because that is his job as the All-Father, to offer protection for all the nine realms but there is no love for earth."
"Job? I thought he was just king of Asgard." Sirius said.
"He is, and while he isn't technically king of any other realm, they all do answer to him in one way or another. It's all very complicated but to quickly summarize, as King of Asgard due to various treaties and alliances it is his job to use Asgard's might to protect the nine realms."
"Even the one we just left?"
"Yes, even that one." Harry shivered at the very idea and then a thought occurred to him.
Well earth wasn't very protected right now was it. Voldemort threatened to destroy the entire world! Loki seemed to read the thoughts off of Harry's face.
"Odin doesn't know about the magical world but, honestly, even if he did I doubt he'd involve himself. He's of the opinion that the mortals should solve their own problems. He only stepped in when the Jontuns invaded because he had a grudge against their king."
"What a tosser." Sirius said a sentiment that Harry had a hard time not agreeing with. If Frigga heard them she made no mention of it.
"Anything else we need to know?"
"The last time Odin and I spoke he told me that he thought I was rotten to the core and that I would never redeem myself in his eyes." Loki said.
"Classic Walburga move, what'd you hit him back with?" Sirius asked.
"I told him that I only acted as I was raised to be."
Harry lifted a hand up to his mouth to partially hide his smile. Sirius slapped Loki on the back in congratulations.
"There is one more thing." Loki said. "Harry, Demigods were outlawed long before I was born. You being here is unprecedented and you need to be careful. We have Frigga on our side but there's no telling what the people might try to do to you."
"Dad don't worry about it. Nothing bad's gonna happen to me."
"You can't know that."
"The prophecy says that I have to be the one to kill or be killed by Tom." Harry whispered. "He's not here, is he?"
"Are you seriously trying to convince me that you won't die here because you think the only person who can kill you is back on earth?"
"Yep."
"You know, it kind of makes sense Pads. Harry's survived a lot of shit he shouldn't have because of sheer dumb luck. Who's to say Fate isn't at work here?"
"You're both insane! There's no way to prove this inane idea without risking Harry."
"I kinda already tested it." Harry admitted.
"What?" He hissed.
"Remember when Thor was throwing a fit on the roof and I went out there? I should have gotten hurt or blown off the roof or something. I knew that and I did it anyway. I didn't even try to dodge anything."
Harry watched as Loki remembered the huge piece of flying debris that had missed Harry's head by centimeters. The man's mouth opened a little as realization trickled in.
"Dad. I just fought off a bunch of face eating creatures with a sword I didn't know how to use and all I got were a couple of cuts. I defeated Amora without problem." Harry said. "Asgard isn't a threat to me, not until the prophecy is fulfilled."
"Oh Merlin." He said. "You…you…"
"I'm going to be fine." Harry promised with more surety than he felt. It was probably dangerous taunting fate like this. Telling the Fates themselves that if they wanted him to fulfill this prophecy so much then they had better put in some work was probably a one trip ticket to pain. But Harry didn't care. Fate had dealt him the shittiest hand possible and Harry was tired of being beaten down. He was going to defeat Voldemort and he expected Fate to help him.
His dad relaxed a little and nodded, they were nearing the throne room now Harry thought. At least there were more guards dressed in fancy gold armor standing around looking formidable. The whole palace screamed of wealth and power in a way that remined Harry vaguely of Lucius Malfoy. Frigga stopped outside two large and golden doors and turned to look at them. She reached out and straightened out Harry's hair again.
"I will go in first and you will wait for me to call for you. I promise you my son, Odin will not let his grandson be hurt."
Loki didn't seem to believe her, but he nodded anyway. Frigga pushed open the door and walked into an ornate throne room. They stood there as the door swung shut again.
"So," Sirius began. "bets on who'll annoy the old man first?"
"Oh me definitely." Harry said. "I'm literally illegal."
"No. It'll be me. I'm a mortal, at least you're only half!"
"I was banished to earth for an unspecified amount of time. I'm pretty sure he'll be more annoyed by me."
They argued about it good naturedly as they waited. It was a good distraction and their insistence that they would be the most unacceptable to what appeared to be the universe's ultimate authority figure was mostly a point of pride. None of them really liked 'The Man' very much. Rebels to the very core they were. It only took three minutes for them to be called in. Of course, they were called in by an angry shout.
"LOKI!"
But really, that was to be expected.
The three of them, troublemakers and lovers of pranks, moved together as one unit. They walked flanking Loki on both sides so that he didn't feel alone facing Odin. Harry even went so far as to catch his dad's hand with his own and squeeze it a little. Frigga looked at the action with such warmth and love that Harry feared she'd actually saw 'aww' out loud. Harry looked at the fuming man sitting on the large throne and blinked.
He was old.
Harry hadn't even known Asgardians could look old! He just assumed they looked like young adults forever! Frigga must be around the same age as Odin and she didn't look old! Granted she looked a bit older than Loki but it wasn't too noticeable. Odin had bright white hair and wrinkles on his face. He also had a golden eyepatch. Why was everything in this palace gold? Had they not learnt about the other colors of the rainbow or had they just discovered yellow and decided that was just fine for them?
"All-Father." Loki said inclining his head the barest amount. "You called for me?"
"Is it true? Did you lay with a mortal woman?"
All three of them clenched their fists at Odin's tone. No one should ever talk about Lily Evans Potter that way.
"I married the woman I love and began a family with her." Loki said. "As is my right."
"Your right?" Odin seethed. "You have no right to illegally travel to a realm and create a being capable of destroying worlds."
Harry didn't flinch, not even a little. If he'd found Frigga's open adoration disconcerting it was nothing on his emotions when facing Odin. The man was sneering at him in the same way Vernon always did. He hated it. He hated the man before him. He was angry and tired and frustrated. He glanced over at his dad and saw the same frustration in his eyes. Harry hadn't done anything to Odin! Nothing at all! The man had no idea who he was!
"Was this your plan all along? To create something with the power to overthrow me?" Odin asked. "You will find that a pitiful waif like that will not last long against me, Laufeyson."
Harry felt his dad flinch and he saw red. His first thought was that he should let Odin put his claim to the test. Even magically exhausted as he was he was willing to try and take Odin down. He stepped forward ignoring the way Frigga placed a hand on Odin to quiet him and that guards in the room had readied their weapons. To his right he felt Sirius step forward too. Harry glared up at the king, the man who had driven his dad to near madness and suicide. Who made his dad feel so isolated that he ran away to earth. Who lied to him for centuries.
"Step back." Odin ordered. "Or you will be seen as threats to the throne of Asgard!"
Just like that moment with Amora when Harry had wondered why he never knew when to shut up, Harry found his mouth making a decision for him.
"Have you ever, once in your life, not been a gigantic bag of dicks?"